i seem to discover another side abt myself. yes, i've been single for 2-3 wks. during these times, i have kinda not been myself. in the sense, i dun observe tat much in public. in past, watever happen, i'll b observant/kaypoh to turn n look to see wat happen. even if nothing, i'll jus lok around to see the place/env. but now, even if i know someone is behind me wanting to over-take, ppl beside mi n i shld give way, all these eg scenes, i dun give a damn to them. i'll jus do my things as tho i never see them.
n as i said, on bus, i seldom look up to see the crowd n look around. i jus look outside windows, n dun care who r on the bus. jus in my own single life world.
i wonder if this is my after-effect. ie, i givign up on my social n usual life, dun give a damn abt wat's going on anymore. simply living in oni a "i the only person alive" world. i really duno.
=====================
here comes another conflict of mine.
i recently know of a frn. we had declared each other as cute. so, maybe i refer to him as CUTE. last wk, we went out after my class. not exactly went out. we met up for a drink, n later went kai kai n tok loh. he's much younger than mi, so at times, i know y he's doiung some things. i wonder if this will cut down the thrill n excitement on surprises. we did enjoy our time toking, (cat) fighting, teasing. den i sent him home on his bus.
this wk, i wanan relax. cos i know i coop up too much n wnana relax b4 i embark on anothwer mission. so i ask him again for ktv. but he's working tat day. need to leave in early evening for it. my class is 1-4pm. den i was trying to fix a good time for us both. i checked the lecture notes for this wk. seem maangeable. so i actually decided, i'll skip this wk lecture, so tat can meet him up n go ktv.
after routine family bfast, i din tell family tat i meeting frn, but said i going class. i really have no idea. i actually skipped my class to meet him up for a leisure event. yes i can argue tat i need to relax, so alright to skip class. but it's not right. but i dun have regrets skipping it.
den went around shopping, n finally to ktv. along the way, did lotsa bitching, teasing, fun stuff, screaming n making fun. hhe, pretyt enjoyable. altho i'm much older than him, but my size n look make mi seem his age. esp when i dress up in teen attire. i dunno wat's going on wif mi. on 1 hand, a recent break made my life hell. on other, i enjoy the time spent wif CUTE.
he's someone who i can tease n joke wif. similar to my Oz pals. oni diff, he's CUTE. btw, frequent mention of "CUTE" dun carry any emphasis on it. jus my way to refer to him, n my view of him. maybe as he's much younger, he dun have much thots hidden inside him. so easier for mi to click wif him. n we are frns, so the barrier of the common aj thinking dun affect us. cos we know our opinions of each other, we seem to have no obstacle in praising each other, or crude jokes.
we have good impression of each other, so we r quite ok wif certain gestures from us. i dun have qualsm acepting those gestures. n maybe he's thos thinking type, he can understand certain thigns to a level, no need mi to tell directly. n from the ktv, we share similar.. or jus frankly, same interest/hobby. i think i jus found antoehr ktv kaki. he been thru proper trainin so lota things, i can share my thtos wif him. n he's not afraid to "hurt" mi. i find this pretty fun. ie, when it comes to fun, play hard. when it comes to concern, shower it.
can any1 tell mi wat am i doing? wat's in my mind? i'm confused.
as to wat happened today, i gues nothig needs to b told.other than, i'm making a complaint.
Sunday, September 11, 2005
Saturday, September 10, 2005
jus had a tour of singapore... why i suddenly had a tour? well, for 1 wk, i been... going work, coming home for 5 days in a row. den today, i went for my class, had exposure to after office hr living. have a lot to say. will write them 1 by 1.
for a long time, i not been going out n visiting the "human" world. y i say so? 'cos for these days, i jus been.. as above, going work, den home. all r cooped up in a corner. din get a breather at all. today, all i rmb, left impression on mi, are as follows:
i deferred my monash for 1 whole yr. i attended course for 1 yr, defer 1 yr. during tat 1 yr of studies, i know all the things they taught. know as in, ez for mi to grasp. or at least, i got time to read n understand. den now, defer 1 yr, those knowledge almost 90% lost. plus, ever since i prep for my java, i dun wan delay any time, n so oni watch news. if miss, or din pay attention, den duno wat going on. den din read Digital Life oso. really... danm it, my knowledge in computer really damn jialut. n din read paper oso.
so jus now, in lesson, i dunno wat're platters, cylinder, track, sector sound familiar but still stranger. wat's more, i ask the tr, he oso explain oni surface to mi. dinr eally go into details. i dun think he can explain in tat details anyway. cos everytime he explain thigns, somehow assume we know lotsa basics. den today in class, i find tat, EVERYone was so quiet n so "attentive". jus listen n din ask anything at all. i thot, do they really understand, or they oso blur, but dun wan / dun dare ask qns? for fear they apepar idiot.
if they really know, wat for they attend class? if they dunno, e tr explain liao, they get it, gd. cos they know thebasics, tr explain a bit, they grasp better. but most of them... do they really understand?? some ppl, they oso ask qns during breaks. it shows they really dun get the whole picture. in end, when i ask, i somehow felt like i delayingthe progress of some students. but i dun care. cos i paid money for the class. i know i din read the books or notes, but since i dun get it, i might as well ask. if the tr feel tat oni mi dun get the pt, he shld know to reply mi later, when during break.
if i dun ask, den later, i still blur, wat for i attend class? but later, finally, got ppl ask qns. i din attend the class for 1 whole mth (cos java). den last wk, i oso ask 1 or 2 qns. tis wk oso. but this wk, got 2 students oso ask qns. i feel as though, i inspired / encourage them to.
in the class, got 2 guys who... most metrosexual (it means ppl who know how to doll n take the time to doll themselves up rite? damn it dun exist in dic.com) in the class. 1 of them, he came class late, n sat beside mi. someone passed the attendance list to mi, so i wanna pass to the person who jus came in. the person din see, so jus walk away. den tat guy ask from mi, smiling. i oso graciously passed to him. later, dunno if cos i got too many movements, so he kept fidgetting n looked at times to my side. but i bochap, n kept loking in front.
speaking of inspirations, am i a BAD influence? well, at my home there, got traffic junction. for mi, i understand how the traffic work, when to cross safely even tho it's red man. so i often observed, n crossed the road when it's safe. DEN... 2 times, i notice tat, these days ppl oso start to cross teh road when it's safe!!! damn it!! am i influencing so many ppl, n so badly???? plus, in the past, when after alighting from bus, ppl usually wait at the busstop, until the road is clear den cross. for mi, i will keep moving towards my destination's direction, till i can cross. den lately, oso realise tat, ppl r following my pattern. gosh..........
after class, i went off. trobuled. cos i know, for my next asgt, i again blur abt wat to do. sianzz. den on my way home, some boys are playing balls. i really envy them. they got so much time to relax n enjoy. for mi, i cant. no spare cash. my bank got money to use yes. but i still need to pay for my monash. yes of cos i can ask my famiy for money. but for wat? 25yo, n still ask for money to use? as tho i not working? my mum is not even asking mi for home allowance. i also hope to buy things, n enjoy life, but same thing i can't. i need to fight for my future, n go for it. i know i'm still leading a tuff life. every workday, i spend about $2 for food, 60c for melon n half an apple. although i oni half full, well, when i get home, i can feast myself on home cooked meal. i find tat, the costly time is on sat. lunch i eat 2.50 + 80c. n finally dinner is 250-3$. even these i muz calculate clearly.
after my SCWCD (advanced java) exam, i thot i can b transferred to programming dept, n earn more $$ , have a better life. n wif someone, pave a better path for our future. but none happened. i'm happy tat, till now, tat prog dept stil lkeen to offer mi a job. thot tat after getting more money, dun need to chamz life liao. but i think my big break is not here here. i stil need to strive a while, b4 i can. i'm not gonna give up. cos nothign will happen if i do. n i'll have nothing too. n i hope to fight for my future together wif my Oz frns.
den i oso saw some ppl playing rollerblade. is there a new design?? cos their blades seem to have a gap between every 2 wheels. sighzz.. so much temptations. long time din ice skate. long time din roller blade. $$. the cause of all evils, but oso the road to happiness.
went down further to take my dinner. on teh way, saw another sec sch boy. wah liao, he seem fashion disaster siazz. he wearing a dark (blue) pattern shirt. den it's those baggy type. top 2-3 butts undone. den bottom 1 or 2 butts undone oso. as he walked towards mi, wind was blowing, i saw 1 side of the shirt blown up, revealing his left tummy. he was shy n paiseh, saw my eyes, pulled the shirt back, n looked very-scaredy-boy at mi. i was stunned at his dress sense. i dunno how to express tat thru my eyes, so, my eyes were on him till he almost reach my 180 deg.
he shld have worn a smaller shirt... oh well, still depend on wat image he wnana proj lah.. cos i think he wanna sppear sexy n good. den was having my dinner, i ask the uncle "gu ni tam poh". haha, he say "jus say siu tai will do". later when he took it to mi, he even explained "siu tai means less milk. " n.. some "tai" to mean more milk. haha. den some other ppl wanna order kopi, but he din hear, so i patted him to go over :) hey, fish leong.. got new song again. other than the Ch 8 song, got new song again. wah, she is the longest surviving ger inthe music scene i think. although not those "come out shoot to fame", she managed to stay on all thees yrs. well done. kudos.
til now, for those i dated b4, got 2 guys who i still haven't gotten over. 1 guy is from 2002. tat time i met him, i say i still miss him. den he was damn insistent on not giving mi his number again. hehe, now i understand his intentions.
den ch 8 got a show, abt marriage counselling. i watched it. n thot i might as well write down my POV too. i know, .... err... although i had a bad patch this period, i still know wat i'm looking for, in my heart.
2 persons dun have to be sticking to each other in order to feel in love.
jus like good frns, but we can share our thoughts n dreams.
our trust in each other shldn't b shaken jus 'cos someone said something.
always ensure u can trust tat person u r in love. cos, if u dun trust him, doubts will b there forever, leading to no bliss.
so tat, since u can trust him, u dun need to ask urself if he's telling the truth.
always b there to share each other's problems.
seem like, as i grow older with time, my view of Love changes... well, i guess as 1 matures n have his own way of living, his vision of a hot and memorable romance cools down. i think this is why, those who dated since teen days, can date for 5-10 yrs n mary. those who r working oredi, may marry after 2-24 mths of knowing.
n 1 last thing. *been writing this blog since 631pm 10 sept. i know i wanna write soemthing, but cant rmb.* in the past, i was very soft hearted. anything happened, i'll be very forgiving. as long as the person say tat he wun do tat again, i'm ok, and everythign will b fine.
now, when i've been working for 3 yrs, have i grown harder-hearted? on the surface, i can say i have. i no longer appear soft n weak in front. if someone blame mi for something, i am able to either accept it, or defend myself. how abt inside? i'm not sure if i m frank abt it, am i exposing my weakness? for now, i can oni say, for those who know mi, if u did thigns tat made mi angry or watever, u shld know how u can make mi ok again. for thoe who wanna know, if i comfy wif writing it out, u will see it here...
jus thot of another thing. jus... sighzzz at my work place. the fat sup. on 1 hand, he was always trying his "best" to encourage mi to do better. den at our meeting, he commenting to the snr, she shld not put in the unofficial items into our itenery, giving tat i, mi, myself, me, yes mi, may mistake it n use it as an official item. she den jus shot out "wah, den i better quickly take out tat item.." sup den say "hey, dun do tat lah".
when i first heard her, i giggled. i thot she again din trust mi n really thot i can't make th diff. but over time, i realise my thinking was wrong. she was sarcastic to sup. cos he actually say i may do tat mistake. so she wanna tok back to him...
for a long time, i not been going out n visiting the "human" world. y i say so? 'cos for these days, i jus been.. as above, going work, den home. all r cooped up in a corner. din get a breather at all. today, all i rmb, left impression on mi, are as follows:
i deferred my monash for 1 whole yr. i attended course for 1 yr, defer 1 yr. during tat 1 yr of studies, i know all the things they taught. know as in, ez for mi to grasp. or at least, i got time to read n understand. den now, defer 1 yr, those knowledge almost 90% lost. plus, ever since i prep for my java, i dun wan delay any time, n so oni watch news. if miss, or din pay attention, den duno wat going on. den din read Digital Life oso. really... danm it, my knowledge in computer really damn jialut. n din read paper oso.
so jus now, in lesson, i dunno wat're platters, cylinder, track, sector sound familiar but still stranger. wat's more, i ask the tr, he oso explain oni surface to mi. dinr eally go into details. i dun think he can explain in tat details anyway. cos everytime he explain thigns, somehow assume we know lotsa basics. den today in class, i find tat, EVERYone was so quiet n so "attentive". jus listen n din ask anything at all. i thot, do they really understand, or they oso blur, but dun wan / dun dare ask qns? for fear they apepar idiot.
if they really know, wat for they attend class? if they dunno, e tr explain liao, they get it, gd. cos they know thebasics, tr explain a bit, they grasp better. but most of them... do they really understand?? some ppl, they oso ask qns during breaks. it shows they really dun get the whole picture. in end, when i ask, i somehow felt like i delayingthe progress of some students. but i dun care. cos i paid money for the class. i know i din read the books or notes, but since i dun get it, i might as well ask. if the tr feel tat oni mi dun get the pt, he shld know to reply mi later, when during break.
if i dun ask, den later, i still blur, wat for i attend class? but later, finally, got ppl ask qns. i din attend the class for 1 whole mth (cos java). den last wk, i oso ask 1 or 2 qns. tis wk oso. but this wk, got 2 students oso ask qns. i feel as though, i inspired / encourage them to.
in the class, got 2 guys who... most metrosexual (it means ppl who know how to doll n take the time to doll themselves up rite? damn it dun exist in dic.com) in the class. 1 of them, he came class late, n sat beside mi. someone passed the attendance list to mi, so i wanna pass to the person who jus came in. the person din see, so jus walk away. den tat guy ask from mi, smiling. i oso graciously passed to him. later, dunno if cos i got too many movements, so he kept fidgetting n looked at times to my side. but i bochap, n kept loking in front.
speaking of inspirations, am i a BAD influence? well, at my home there, got traffic junction. for mi, i understand how the traffic work, when to cross safely even tho it's red man. so i often observed, n crossed the road when it's safe. DEN... 2 times, i notice tat, these days ppl oso start to cross teh road when it's safe!!! damn it!! am i influencing so many ppl, n so badly???? plus, in the past, when after alighting from bus, ppl usually wait at the busstop, until the road is clear den cross. for mi, i will keep moving towards my destination's direction, till i can cross. den lately, oso realise tat, ppl r following my pattern. gosh..........
after class, i went off. trobuled. cos i know, for my next asgt, i again blur abt wat to do. sianzz. den on my way home, some boys are playing balls. i really envy them. they got so much time to relax n enjoy. for mi, i cant. no spare cash. my bank got money to use yes. but i still need to pay for my monash. yes of cos i can ask my famiy for money. but for wat? 25yo, n still ask for money to use? as tho i not working? my mum is not even asking mi for home allowance. i also hope to buy things, n enjoy life, but same thing i can't. i need to fight for my future, n go for it. i know i'm still leading a tuff life. every workday, i spend about $2 for food, 60c for melon n half an apple. although i oni half full, well, when i get home, i can feast myself on home cooked meal. i find tat, the costly time is on sat. lunch i eat 2.50 + 80c. n finally dinner is 250-3$. even these i muz calculate clearly.
after my SCWCD (advanced java) exam, i thot i can b transferred to programming dept, n earn more $$ , have a better life. n wif someone, pave a better path for our future. but none happened. i'm happy tat, till now, tat prog dept stil lkeen to offer mi a job. thot tat after getting more money, dun need to chamz life liao. but i think my big break is not here here. i stil need to strive a while, b4 i can. i'm not gonna give up. cos nothign will happen if i do. n i'll have nothing too. n i hope to fight for my future together wif my Oz frns.
den i oso saw some ppl playing rollerblade. is there a new design?? cos their blades seem to have a gap between every 2 wheels. sighzz.. so much temptations. long time din ice skate. long time din roller blade. $$. the cause of all evils, but oso the road to happiness.
went down further to take my dinner. on teh way, saw another sec sch boy. wah liao, he seem fashion disaster siazz. he wearing a dark (blue) pattern shirt. den it's those baggy type. top 2-3 butts undone. den bottom 1 or 2 butts undone oso. as he walked towards mi, wind was blowing, i saw 1 side of the shirt blown up, revealing his left tummy. he was shy n paiseh, saw my eyes, pulled the shirt back, n looked very-scaredy-boy at mi. i was stunned at his dress sense. i dunno how to express tat thru my eyes, so, my eyes were on him till he almost reach my 180 deg.
he shld have worn a smaller shirt... oh well, still depend on wat image he wnana proj lah.. cos i think he wanna sppear sexy n good. den was having my dinner, i ask the uncle "gu ni tam poh". haha, he say "jus say siu tai will do". later when he took it to mi, he even explained "siu tai means less milk. " n.. some "tai" to mean more milk. haha. den some other ppl wanna order kopi, but he din hear, so i patted him to go over :) hey, fish leong.. got new song again. other than the Ch 8 song, got new song again. wah, she is the longest surviving ger inthe music scene i think. although not those "come out shoot to fame", she managed to stay on all thees yrs. well done. kudos.
til now, for those i dated b4, got 2 guys who i still haven't gotten over. 1 guy is from 2002. tat time i met him, i say i still miss him. den he was damn insistent on not giving mi his number again. hehe, now i understand his intentions.
den ch 8 got a show, abt marriage counselling. i watched it. n thot i might as well write down my POV too. i know, .... err... although i had a bad patch this period, i still know wat i'm looking for, in my heart.
2 persons dun have to be sticking to each other in order to feel in love.
jus like good frns, but we can share our thoughts n dreams.
our trust in each other shldn't b shaken jus 'cos someone said something.
always ensure u can trust tat person u r in love. cos, if u dun trust him, doubts will b there forever, leading to no bliss.
so tat, since u can trust him, u dun need to ask urself if he's telling the truth.
always b there to share each other's problems.
seem like, as i grow older with time, my view of Love changes... well, i guess as 1 matures n have his own way of living, his vision of a hot and memorable romance cools down. i think this is why, those who dated since teen days, can date for 5-10 yrs n mary. those who r working oredi, may marry after 2-24 mths of knowing.
n 1 last thing. *been writing this blog since 631pm 10 sept. i know i wanna write soemthing, but cant rmb.* in the past, i was very soft hearted. anything happened, i'll be very forgiving. as long as the person say tat he wun do tat again, i'm ok, and everythign will b fine.
now, when i've been working for 3 yrs, have i grown harder-hearted? on the surface, i can say i have. i no longer appear soft n weak in front. if someone blame mi for something, i am able to either accept it, or defend myself. how abt inside? i'm not sure if i m frank abt it, am i exposing my weakness? for now, i can oni say, for those who know mi, if u did thigns tat made mi angry or watever, u shld know how u can make mi ok again. for thoe who wanna know, if i comfy wif writing it out, u will see it here...
jus thot of another thing. jus... sighzzz at my work place. the fat sup. on 1 hand, he was always trying his "best" to encourage mi to do better. den at our meeting, he commenting to the snr, she shld not put in the unofficial items into our itenery, giving tat i, mi, myself, me, yes mi, may mistake it n use it as an official item. she den jus shot out "wah, den i better quickly take out tat item.." sup den say "hey, dun do tat lah".
when i first heard her, i giggled. i thot she again din trust mi n really thot i can't make th diff. but over time, i realise my thinking was wrong. she was sarcastic to sup. cos he actually say i may do tat mistake. so she wanna tok back to him...
Friday, September 09, 2005
kinda feel tat my life in a mess now. everyday, wake up 7am, off for work 725am. work, bitch, discuss, lunch, work, bitch discuss, KO. go dinner, go home, watch Tv. all so routine. am i really so bored wif such life? as the start of the wk, i oso, damn sianzz.. going work again. den, today finally last day of wk, i was excited, som,ehow. these days, my programming self came back to mi, i had wnana do programming for my office. somehow, i really getting tired of helpdesk jobs...
den, i realised tat, if i really put my heart to singign a song, i can sing wif my own style. oso, surprised tat my comment on anonymous bloggers, first time (dunno) visitors are signing off haha..
sighzz.. this blog was supposed to be posted on fri night. but... same, i bath at 11pm, near 12, i felt tired n rested on bed. i jus dozed off till 5am. lights not off, tv still on, specs still sitting on my nostrils.
den, i realised tat, if i really put my heart to singign a song, i can sing wif my own style. oso, surprised tat my comment on anonymous bloggers, first time (dunno) visitors are signing off haha..
sighzz.. this blog was supposed to be posted on fri night. but... same, i bath at 11pm, near 12, i felt tired n rested on bed. i jus dozed off till 5am. lights not off, tv still on, specs still sitting on my nostrils.
Thursday, September 08, 2005
finally... finished my asgt, submited, den realise their time is abt 2 hrs faster than singapore. damn. few mins late. since my asgt done, i decided to finally SHAVE. damn, this time, i shave till it bleed slightly??
ok, as i promised earlier, i've finished my asgt, n will write wat happened to mi during.... after my last blog on 24th aug 05.
on 23rd night, i studied till i songz. i prepared my things properly n even prepared the attire i worn for my basic java exam, hoping to gain the good luck i had for my first exam. ok, i din really rmb the attire, but i think i worn tat. i got to the place much earlier thani shld. so i did some last min revision as usual. ok time up, go exam.
i sat there. total of 69 qns. first 3 oredi killed 15 mins of my time. i was stunned. i really duno wat gonna happen. ifrst few qns oredi so tuff... cna i survive the rest?? true enuff, as i ans more qns, i really begin to doubt my capabilities. i really need a miracle to happen. in the room, i was almost havign a fit. cos i was figetting so much!! in end, the exam, ans last qn, "check" all ans liao. still left 5-10 mins to kill. i simply no courage to view the results.
later i was told to go n collect my result.i really hope for some good news. the admin ger, shook her head. signed off the paper in red, n wished mi better luck. i took the paper, really stunned n at a loss of wat to do. my 5k is gone. if i pass my exam, i will get back 3k for my subsidy. now totally gone. my bank acct -ve amt liao. my hopes of moving into higher level dashed liao. higher pay, better life, no need scrimp n save till so jialut anymore. the whole world dun mean anythignt o mi anymore. life has no meaning liao.
i had planned to buy gift for ... W rigth after exam, cos i thot i'd pass. but then, i really no mood anymore. dun wan force myself. went downstairs, crossed road n took bus home. i switch off my hp. i felt no pains, no tears inside mi. jus a stunned n lost mi. i really duno wat to do. wat's next. wat gonna happen to my life. i slept ont he bus, or rather, tried to sleep.
i got home, i din bathe, laid down on bed, fully naked n tried to sleep. smehow i rmb, i din manage to cath any wink. perhaps i jus cant sleep. sat up, tried to get into sleep mood, but fail. i msg my mum, tat i eating. i off my hp again. dun wanna get any msg. even from W. i dun wan speak to any1. i went home for dinner. duck rice. i took the meat, n left hte rice untocuhed. really no appetite.
i oso dunno who i can tok to. in fact, (i guess this time can really pour my souls out?) i was really wondering... if i still on toking... or rather good terms wif W, if i call him, wat can he say to mi? my ans: "dun worry, u still have mi!". this ans certainly dun work for mi. i wun feel any better listening to this line. n during tat tiem, i was not on toking terms wif him.. or rather, he wun give a chance to tok.
b4 my exams, i had called him. his tone was so cold n distant. if i this time call him, i dun think i'll better.. may even b worse. at home, i den realised tat, my pals from Oz were VERY cocerned abt mi. they called each other for news of mi, after they failed to get my hp. i really appreciate it. although they have their own probs, they took time to show concern for mi... consoling mi n tell mi stuff. oso shared wif them my prob (studies n W linked). really can't think of anything tat i can do... u know, i was really thinking, in my state, if i meet W up, do i still have to put my (foul) moods aside, n take care of his emotional needs? or can he stand by mi, and b my moral support?
i really dunno.
i was deciding if i wan go work the next morning. i wanna stay home, cos if go work, am i in the mood? can i contribute? but if i dun, wat can i do at home? laze around, n think wild? i think i even feel worse if i alone at home, nothing to do, n think wild. gow rok still.
at work, i still very very quiet. din tok. 90% of the work time, i let down mty head, n looked into thefloor. for lunch, my first ime to order jus fruits. even my colelagues are surprised. seem like 1 guy keen to know wat happen to mi, but i bought the fruits for lunch, so he cant ask mi over lunch. 2nd day liao, so for dinner, i ate better. i rmb, i watched Cu u talk show. quan yifeng was saying "work towards ur dream". this line i always rmb.
n i decided how i'll kill saturday liao. i go bfast, den go home, sing ktv tioll i songzz. den buy lunch, sing, n go out. wah loong time no sing liao. some songs i first tiem sing. i esp like "ren shen hai hai" cos can let mi scream. i din wan go out buy lunch. so jus cook noodles, n watched "zhen xin hua" while eating. duirng the show, e part where fann wong spite "he run dong" (HRD) n HRD wrapped her up, n took her drugs in her face, i somehow felt something. i realise tat, if tears roll down ur cheeks w/o having u to close ur eyes, n it's silently, it's something serious.
den sang till it's time to go to celebrate my office's jnr bday. i was oso... dunno if i shld go anot. if go, can i forget my sorrows for tat time, n enjoy it? i decide to go n relax myself. i made myself promise, i will go no matter wat. i dun wna stay in my room, lest i think wild. true enuff, when i reached my room, i... again wondering if i shld go or jus stay home do my asgt. well, good thing tat i went.
later i got home, dunno if i slept early. on sunday, i finally managed to feel much better. at tat time, i was thinking, if i really wnana have W back, i really need to control my emotions. dun tok so much reasoning wif him. tell him directly hwo/wat i'm feeling. dun need to let him guess. i finalyl switch on my hp on sunday evening. got his 2 calls. i dun wanna pick. no courage to speak to him. no courage to hear his voice. even when he "forced" mi to speak to him, i din wan tok much.
i let him decide when to mit. thot monday can, but he wan tues... den the rest is history...
=============================
ok, now. can help frn do his website liao...
ok, as i promised earlier, i've finished my asgt, n will write wat happened to mi during.... after my last blog on 24th aug 05.
on 23rd night, i studied till i songz. i prepared my things properly n even prepared the attire i worn for my basic java exam, hoping to gain the good luck i had for my first exam. ok, i din really rmb the attire, but i think i worn tat. i got to the place much earlier thani shld. so i did some last min revision as usual. ok time up, go exam.
i sat there. total of 69 qns. first 3 oredi killed 15 mins of my time. i was stunned. i really duno wat gonna happen. ifrst few qns oredi so tuff... cna i survive the rest?? true enuff, as i ans more qns, i really begin to doubt my capabilities. i really need a miracle to happen. in the room, i was almost havign a fit. cos i was figetting so much!! in end, the exam, ans last qn, "check" all ans liao. still left 5-10 mins to kill. i simply no courage to view the results.
later i was told to go n collect my result.i really hope for some good news. the admin ger, shook her head. signed off the paper in red, n wished mi better luck. i took the paper, really stunned n at a loss of wat to do. my 5k is gone. if i pass my exam, i will get back 3k for my subsidy. now totally gone. my bank acct -ve amt liao. my hopes of moving into higher level dashed liao. higher pay, better life, no need scrimp n save till so jialut anymore. the whole world dun mean anythignt o mi anymore. life has no meaning liao.
i had planned to buy gift for ... W rigth after exam, cos i thot i'd pass. but then, i really no mood anymore. dun wan force myself. went downstairs, crossed road n took bus home. i switch off my hp. i felt no pains, no tears inside mi. jus a stunned n lost mi. i really duno wat to do. wat's next. wat gonna happen to my life. i slept ont he bus, or rather, tried to sleep.
i got home, i din bathe, laid down on bed, fully naked n tried to sleep. smehow i rmb, i din manage to cath any wink. perhaps i jus cant sleep. sat up, tried to get into sleep mood, but fail. i msg my mum, tat i eating. i off my hp again. dun wanna get any msg. even from W. i dun wan speak to any1. i went home for dinner. duck rice. i took the meat, n left hte rice untocuhed. really no appetite.
i oso dunno who i can tok to. in fact, (i guess this time can really pour my souls out?) i was really wondering... if i still on toking... or rather good terms wif W, if i call him, wat can he say to mi? my ans: "dun worry, u still have mi!". this ans certainly dun work for mi. i wun feel any better listening to this line. n during tat tiem, i was not on toking terms wif him.. or rather, he wun give a chance to tok.
b4 my exams, i had called him. his tone was so cold n distant. if i this time call him, i dun think i'll better.. may even b worse. at home, i den realised tat, my pals from Oz were VERY cocerned abt mi. they called each other for news of mi, after they failed to get my hp. i really appreciate it. although they have their own probs, they took time to show concern for mi... consoling mi n tell mi stuff. oso shared wif them my prob (studies n W linked). really can't think of anything tat i can do... u know, i was really thinking, in my state, if i meet W up, do i still have to put my (foul) moods aside, n take care of his emotional needs? or can he stand by mi, and b my moral support?
i really dunno.
i was deciding if i wan go work the next morning. i wanna stay home, cos if go work, am i in the mood? can i contribute? but if i dun, wat can i do at home? laze around, n think wild? i think i even feel worse if i alone at home, nothing to do, n think wild. gow rok still.
at work, i still very very quiet. din tok. 90% of the work time, i let down mty head, n looked into thefloor. for lunch, my first ime to order jus fruits. even my colelagues are surprised. seem like 1 guy keen to know wat happen to mi, but i bought the fruits for lunch, so he cant ask mi over lunch. 2nd day liao, so for dinner, i ate better. i rmb, i watched Cu u talk show. quan yifeng was saying "work towards ur dream". this line i always rmb.
n i decided how i'll kill saturday liao. i go bfast, den go home, sing ktv tioll i songzz. den buy lunch, sing, n go out. wah loong time no sing liao. some songs i first tiem sing. i esp like "ren shen hai hai" cos can let mi scream. i din wan go out buy lunch. so jus cook noodles, n watched "zhen xin hua" while eating. duirng the show, e part where fann wong spite "he run dong" (HRD) n HRD wrapped her up, n took her drugs in her face, i somehow felt something. i realise tat, if tears roll down ur cheeks w/o having u to close ur eyes, n it's silently, it's something serious.
den sang till it's time to go to celebrate my office's jnr bday. i was oso... dunno if i shld go anot. if go, can i forget my sorrows for tat time, n enjoy it? i decide to go n relax myself. i made myself promise, i will go no matter wat. i dun wna stay in my room, lest i think wild. true enuff, when i reached my room, i... again wondering if i shld go or jus stay home do my asgt. well, good thing tat i went.
later i got home, dunno if i slept early. on sunday, i finally managed to feel much better. at tat time, i was thinking, if i really wnana have W back, i really need to control my emotions. dun tok so much reasoning wif him. tell him directly hwo/wat i'm feeling. dun need to let him guess. i finalyl switch on my hp on sunday evening. got his 2 calls. i dun wanna pick. no courage to speak to him. no courage to hear his voice. even when he "forced" mi to speak to him, i din wan tok much.
i let him decide when to mit. thot monday can, but he wan tues... den the rest is history...
=============================
ok, now. can help frn do his website liao...
other than the earlier blog, i have a lot of things in my mind... really a lot... mass thots? been thinking, i really been a loner these days, n saving a lot of money, curbing temptations to buy thigns. some ppl, they hav the luxury to buy things at whelm. for mi, i yearn, but i know i cant splurge. den jus now, a ger approach mi to pen for $2 for charity. i promised her i get small change n buy from her. i bought liao. now i wonder, the next tiem, shld i still so soft heart, or i shld check if it's legal sale...
having worked in CS for so long, i kinda tired of it... have to really control my voice n sound frnly, my mood oso. really sick of it. yearn to get out... hopefully, my java cert can help. oso realise tat, nowadays, i so focussed on my studies, i mths din read papers... walk around, find out the latest news. really lost touch wif the world liao.. wat worse, today, a user has prob letting win2k recognise his usb drive. i so stupid to ask him find the drivers. i din think of the usb port maybe spoilt. kauzz.. did i really focus 2 much in studies, tat i lost some general know-how?? maybe...
but today, had fun wif a user... the above user. cos after thigns are resolved, i noticed his pc got instlal diner dash.. so chat wif him abt it. hahah... we both like the game but 2 bad, no crak version for it. den, i pretty glad tat, i still in contact wif a frn... who i did not dare take the initiative.. cos dun wan soemone to b jealous... to make it obvious to tat frn, he sent mi his chn name, i replied wif the chn words, but spelt it wrongly haha, saw the wrong word.. :)
den i realise tt, maybe really cos i think better than my words, sometimes, i really prefer to jus b quiet, n listen to wat ppl say, oni if needed, i say my thots. somehwo, i find tat, if i speak in singlish, i may stutter, or perhaps will. n some of my ideas cant pass thru my words. cos i tend to speak wat's flashing across my mind.. if i think 2 fast, certain ideas oredi flashed thru, n i may not say them out properly. den today, fat sup is demo crystal report generating. i was thinking, this is not jus say say will learn. u have to try out. in this case, u tell us for wat? y not we take initiative n play wif it? n we all IT ppl, reports, we play around a while, sure can find out soemthing. y bother training us for it?
if we are required to use it for work, train us ok. but if u train is jus FYI, y bother?
n.. i kinda decided how to plan my time for monash n java. monash exam in mid oct onwards. 1 more.. or maybe 2 asgt due in mid sept. so, most prob, i arrange my java 2 b after asgt. finish it, n prep exam. do i sound ambitious? i need to plan. i dun wan drag too far..
den on wednesday, i somehow, really dun miss charmed show anymore. cos the stories really stray till i cant accept it. come in zankou, avatar, magic sch, normal ppl who r exposed n able to hve fun wif magic for 1 day without penalties (in past, if magic is exposed, they r warned n dealt wif. and i rmb, when their powers were "stolen" during prue time, they did not freeze when the thief tried it, as good witches dun freeze. but this season, they did), and stuff... really dun feel the impt'ce of it...
these days, am i really 2 strezz? cos... i cant stay up later than 12am. once reach 12, i start yawning, n mind goes blank. i even had to sleep n wake up at 3am so i feel refresh enuff to do asgt. even if not doing asgt, if i jus doze off... or even proper rest, i will wake 3am 4 5 6am... sianzz... is it normal of mi, not to look at guys? or i'm not myself still? cos the normal mi, wil observe n look around in the bus to ... look around. but these days, i jus look into the windows n dun bother abt the ppl around mi.
today, when i went to work, wah liao, jus wonder y some ppl so inconsiderate. ppl trying to squeeze into lift, others jus stick to teh entrace of the lift, dun wanna move in at all... cant they put themselve in the shoes? n hor, on the road, unless u have evidence, if not unfair thigns will not b justiced. cos soem drivers, knowing it's isolated area, dun give a damn abt crossing into the pedestrian walkway. n today witnessed 1 scene. a taxi, somehow suddenly dun care abt traffic light. n jus made a turn. an approaching car thus horned heavily. i looked. wah really surprised too...
think above is all i wanna write...
having worked in CS for so long, i kinda tired of it... have to really control my voice n sound frnly, my mood oso. really sick of it. yearn to get out... hopefully, my java cert can help. oso realise tat, nowadays, i so focussed on my studies, i mths din read papers... walk around, find out the latest news. really lost touch wif the world liao.. wat worse, today, a user has prob letting win2k recognise his usb drive. i so stupid to ask him find the drivers. i din think of the usb port maybe spoilt. kauzz.. did i really focus 2 much in studies, tat i lost some general know-how?? maybe...
but today, had fun wif a user... the above user. cos after thigns are resolved, i noticed his pc got instlal diner dash.. so chat wif him abt it. hahah... we both like the game but 2 bad, no crak version for it. den, i pretty glad tat, i still in contact wif a frn... who i did not dare take the initiative.. cos dun wan soemone to b jealous... to make it obvious to tat frn, he sent mi his chn name, i replied wif the chn words, but spelt it wrongly haha, saw the wrong word.. :)
den i realise tt, maybe really cos i think better than my words, sometimes, i really prefer to jus b quiet, n listen to wat ppl say, oni if needed, i say my thots. somehwo, i find tat, if i speak in singlish, i may stutter, or perhaps will. n some of my ideas cant pass thru my words. cos i tend to speak wat's flashing across my mind.. if i think 2 fast, certain ideas oredi flashed thru, n i may not say them out properly. den today, fat sup is demo crystal report generating. i was thinking, this is not jus say say will learn. u have to try out. in this case, u tell us for wat? y not we take initiative n play wif it? n we all IT ppl, reports, we play around a while, sure can find out soemthing. y bother training us for it?
if we are required to use it for work, train us ok. but if u train is jus FYI, y bother?
n.. i kinda decided how to plan my time for monash n java. monash exam in mid oct onwards. 1 more.. or maybe 2 asgt due in mid sept. so, most prob, i arrange my java 2 b after asgt. finish it, n prep exam. do i sound ambitious? i need to plan. i dun wan drag too far..
den on wednesday, i somehow, really dun miss charmed show anymore. cos the stories really stray till i cant accept it. come in zankou, avatar, magic sch, normal ppl who r exposed n able to hve fun wif magic for 1 day without penalties (in past, if magic is exposed, they r warned n dealt wif. and i rmb, when their powers were "stolen" during prue time, they did not freeze when the thief tried it, as good witches dun freeze. but this season, they did), and stuff... really dun feel the impt'ce of it...
these days, am i really 2 strezz? cos... i cant stay up later than 12am. once reach 12, i start yawning, n mind goes blank. i even had to sleep n wake up at 3am so i feel refresh enuff to do asgt. even if not doing asgt, if i jus doze off... or even proper rest, i will wake 3am 4 5 6am... sianzz... is it normal of mi, not to look at guys? or i'm not myself still? cos the normal mi, wil observe n look around in the bus to ... look around. but these days, i jus look into the windows n dun bother abt the ppl around mi.
today, when i went to work, wah liao, jus wonder y some ppl so inconsiderate. ppl trying to squeeze into lift, others jus stick to teh entrace of the lift, dun wanna move in at all... cant they put themselve in the shoes? n hor, on the road, unless u have evidence, if not unfair thigns will not b justiced. cos soem drivers, knowing it's isolated area, dun give a damn abt crossing into the pedestrian walkway. n today witnessed 1 scene. a taxi, somehow suddenly dun care abt traffic light. n jus made a turn. an approaching car thus horned heavily. i looked. wah really surprised too...
think above is all i wanna write...
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
i really dunno who the hell is the anony gyu. every person who comments at my blog has the courtesy to sign off with a name. oni this anony guy, who takes every chance to blast at mi, does not even have the courage to identify himself. i wonder if i shld learn to have the courtesy of ignoring his comments from now on.
anyway, this evening, knocking off from work, i heard "WBT" song. wah liao.. i really shkldn't have listened to this song at all. jus made mi so sad
*... oh my gawd... ch 8 is having a drama which has a scene of protests abt breast feeding in public. wah kauzz.. same old story n tactic. when will they ever learn???? Ch U had a show which showcases lesbian as loving female couples. tat is COOL. den now ch 8 showing such old news on dramas. wat they trying to show?? they support breast feeeding oso??*
a wk back, i know i muz reserve a bk if i wanna pass my java SCWCD. i reserved it. tday i jus got the letter. nice. den as i walk home, 2 scenes made mi link to the book.
1) i had wnana cross traffic. usually, as the light turned red, but no 1 press the button, the green man wun come out. den today, the lgiht almost turning red, i was losing hope tat i can still cross. but i still decided to try. in end, the green man came out. i was... surprised.
2) i was crossing a junction wif no traffic. den although the car is approaching, i still crossed it w.o problem.
these 2 seem to relate to my challenge n fate wif java.. LOL
watching ch U korean show. i really... imrpessed by how much effort the ger can put in to get the guy. n the guy's side oso. it's really touching, to see how much the guy is doing to refresh the ger's memory...
anyway, this evening, knocking off from work, i heard "WBT" song. wah liao.. i really shkldn't have listened to this song at all. jus made mi so sad
*... oh my gawd... ch 8 is having a drama which has a scene of protests abt breast feeding in public. wah kauzz.. same old story n tactic. when will they ever learn???? Ch U had a show which showcases lesbian as loving female couples. tat is COOL. den now ch 8 showing such old news on dramas. wat they trying to show?? they support breast feeeding oso??*
a wk back, i know i muz reserve a bk if i wanna pass my java SCWCD. i reserved it. tday i jus got the letter. nice. den as i walk home, 2 scenes made mi link to the book.
1) i had wnana cross traffic. usually, as the light turned red, but no 1 press the button, the green man wun come out. den today, the lgiht almost turning red, i was losing hope tat i can still cross. but i still decided to try. in end, the green man came out. i was... surprised.
2) i was crossing a junction wif no traffic. den although the car is approaching, i still crossed it w.o problem.
these 2 seem to relate to my challenge n fate wif java.. LOL
watching ch U korean show. i really... imrpessed by how much effort the ger can put in to get the guy. n the guy's side oso. it's really touching, to see how much the guy is doing to refresh the ger's memory...
Monday, September 05, 2005
oni 2 songs can express my thots.
wen bie
wo hen wo ai ni
i felt something. love can gradually turn into hatred.
wen bie
wo hen wo ai ni
i felt something. love can gradually turn into hatred.
Saturday, September 03, 2005
rushing to finish my asgt now. will blog wat happened during last week after i finish. the details. nothing to disclose, jus to update those concerned abt mi.
anyway, today, as i finish my class, a poly/jc boy was sitting beside mi. he seems to be those kind who in denial of their orientation. cos, the bus almost packed. he sat beside mi. den he keep arranging his bag stuff n placement of his things for abt 5 mins. 5 mins, not jus 1. u know? while adjusting, his arm naturally rubbed onto mine. i din bother abt it. n i din look at him at all.
dem later, his... hp (black) dropped. he was trying to pick it up from the floor. cant find it, he moved his things away. still cant find it. (all these while, his "find" is put his hand below our seats to cruise for it.) so he stood up. so i tried to help him. i looked thru the gap between our seats, n saw tat black thing. so i gestured the lady behind us to pick for us. tat jc guy saw it oso. so they both reached out their hands to pick it up. the guy took it and sounnded "thank you". i looked at him n smiled back. he lost his smile suddenly.. like those "zat teo".
later, he no longer moved so much, not even at all. he was sitting properly wif a lil space between us. a whle later, his bag fell off. he picked it up, n arrange thigns again. wah, i felt like offering him to put the bag between us siazz. den, at times, i noticed that, he look into my direction sheepishly.. u know, i noted tat he delibrately scrached his head so he can look into my direction. isn't this sheepishly?
den, he grabbed his bag to put on his lap, and hug it to have nap. den he often will fall to my side n shoulder lean onto mi siazz. but when he wake, he'll b surprised. but soon, nap again. ok lah, since he's a boy, ok loh, let him lie. i rmb, if some frns of mine hear it, esp tat leslie guy, sure say i biased. some guy, i ok let them lean. if some older guys, i sure show attitude. hahah...
somehow, nearing the terminal stop, got some boys board bus, n i feel tat they looking at us, when the jc was leaning... not sure, din bother to check. den later, as approaching terminal stop liao, he woke up n made sure there is some distance between us. but funny to say, he alighted faster than mi, but when i alighting, he was stand at the ground there, n stood back up in the bus, 'cos he forgot to scan the card... LOL...
anyway, today, as i finish my class, a poly/jc boy was sitting beside mi. he seems to be those kind who in denial of their orientation. cos, the bus almost packed. he sat beside mi. den he keep arranging his bag stuff n placement of his things for abt 5 mins. 5 mins, not jus 1. u know? while adjusting, his arm naturally rubbed onto mine. i din bother abt it. n i din look at him at all.
dem later, his... hp (black) dropped. he was trying to pick it up from the floor. cant find it, he moved his things away. still cant find it. (all these while, his "find" is put his hand below our seats to cruise for it.) so he stood up. so i tried to help him. i looked thru the gap between our seats, n saw tat black thing. so i gestured the lady behind us to pick for us. tat jc guy saw it oso. so they both reached out their hands to pick it up. the guy took it and sounnded "thank you". i looked at him n smiled back. he lost his smile suddenly.. like those "zat teo".
later, he no longer moved so much, not even at all. he was sitting properly wif a lil space between us. a whle later, his bag fell off. he picked it up, n arrange thigns again. wah, i felt like offering him to put the bag between us siazz. den, at times, i noticed that, he look into my direction sheepishly.. u know, i noted tat he delibrately scrached his head so he can look into my direction. isn't this sheepishly?
den, he grabbed his bag to put on his lap, and hug it to have nap. den he often will fall to my side n shoulder lean onto mi siazz. but when he wake, he'll b surprised. but soon, nap again. ok lah, since he's a boy, ok loh, let him lie. i rmb, if some frns of mine hear it, esp tat leslie guy, sure say i biased. some guy, i ok let them lean. if some older guys, i sure show attitude. hahah...
somehow, nearing the terminal stop, got some boys board bus, n i feel tat they looking at us, when the jc was leaning... not sure, din bother to check. den later, as approaching terminal stop liao, he woke up n made sure there is some distance between us. but funny to say, he alighted faster than mi, but when i alighting, he was stand at the ground there, n stood back up in the bus, 'cos he forgot to scan the card... LOL...
Friday, September 02, 2005
been thru a bad week.
monash studies, few asgts coming up all e way, but i dun even know wat the qns are toking abt. tried to do last min reading up, but find tat, perhaps due to loss of lotsa blood, i get dizzy ezly. so on bus, i cant really focus on reading the notes, or the books. esp when the book seem to assume u know the stuff, n mainly focus on wat it wanna preach. just tat. it does not elaborate much. jus assume u know it, n explain to u wat it wants.
==========================
elton, thx for ur support. the anony guy, perhaps jus wanna tell mi off, without caring abt other things. isn't this wat bitching mean?
i did try my best to save us, but he decided to let go. i can't force him, can i? i even tried CPR, but he simply said, it's better to let go.
==========================
jus finished reading the new groups for my 3rd asgt in 2 mths of starting the monash module. siong? i havent even started yet. n it due on 7th sept. later still need to help my pal do his web proj, whcih i WILL. now waiting for uploading of files to be done, den i embark on my asgt liao. tis period, time mgt really SUCKS. 5 day work wk, 2 classes in the wkend right in mid of the day. wkend nromally can use to rush asgt. but us, it's for attending classes. signzz.
war's worse, the module which need lotsa focus, it's so damn hard. the book is wat i describe above. i think this time, in order to rush, i need to b smart, n read oni those sections tat required to do asgt.
*phew uploading done liao........ i was excited 1 moment, n depressed e next. excited cos, upload finish, can boot pc in linux. depress cos can i really work out wat needed in asgt? stress*
monash studies, few asgts coming up all e way, but i dun even know wat the qns are toking abt. tried to do last min reading up, but find tat, perhaps due to loss of lotsa blood, i get dizzy ezly. so on bus, i cant really focus on reading the notes, or the books. esp when the book seem to assume u know the stuff, n mainly focus on wat it wanna preach. just tat. it does not elaborate much. jus assume u know it, n explain to u wat it wants.
==========================
elton, thx for ur support. the anony guy, perhaps jus wanna tell mi off, without caring abt other things. isn't this wat bitching mean?
i did try my best to save us, but he decided to let go. i can't force him, can i? i even tried CPR, but he simply said, it's better to let go.
==========================
jus finished reading the new groups for my 3rd asgt in 2 mths of starting the monash module. siong? i havent even started yet. n it due on 7th sept. later still need to help my pal do his web proj, whcih i WILL. now waiting for uploading of files to be done, den i embark on my asgt liao. tis period, time mgt really SUCKS. 5 day work wk, 2 classes in the wkend right in mid of the day. wkend nromally can use to rush asgt. but us, it's for attending classes. signzz.
war's worse, the module which need lotsa focus, it's so damn hard. the book is wat i describe above. i think this time, in order to rush, i need to b smart, n read oni those sections tat required to do asgt.
*phew uploading done liao........ i was excited 1 moment, n depressed e next. excited cos, upload finish, can boot pc in linux. depress cos can i really work out wat needed in asgt? stress*
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
wah, after so long never blog liao, now it's timet o update my current condition. some bitching to do. some comemnts to reply. some updates to write. after updating, i wun know wat will happen to it. disppwar into thin air? or stay on, cos it's part of my life nowadays. dunno, cos my feels have not settled down yet
==========================
bitching:
- seem tat this anony guy, really made it a pt to b anony. neither virgil nor W know u.
- well, if a frn visits a page, does he need to inform everyone? not many of ur kakis are concerned to find out abt mi, thus they dun bother to check out this site.
- exams need full focus to do well. if u hear some bad news, n for 1 wk, u dun hear anythign from ur loved (pun intended) ones who are the afected ppl, r u able to forget abt it, n focus on ur books? if u can, congrats. i've not reached tat cold state yet. i'm still a very feeling person.
- whether or not, W needs a guy like him, is not for u to comment or criticise. u can let him know ur view n wat u'll do, but why are u encouraging?
- willieam, thx for ur support all the way... n ur effort to blog, when u usually email..
- sonya, well, bitches are labelled as one. they dun call themselves to b so, or know they are, unless ppl call them. :)
- since when did my frn sonya speak up for mi?
- knwoing u wun affect anythign, but at least i'll know this person has the courage to own up to wat he wrote. if not, it's another wilful comment posted in the cyber world. if u are matured enuff to post comemnts whcih u think are so god damn righteous, why is there a need to hide urself?
- if u think a relation is destructive, by all means, break from it. but if ur frne tink it's destructive, but u feel otherwise? wat ppl need usually, are support from frns, not suggestions.
- carameal, gosh, thanks for dropping by. guess u've never seen my site in such comment-ful state. but.. well, although we aren't together anymore, i dun prefer to use such direct words still...
- well, i guess i had to let it go somehow
- leave us alone? thanks for suggesting it. i hope this line has been in ur mind all along, rather than just this period.
==============================
in order to update my reg visitors all at 1 go, i guess it's best to write in blog. used to it anyway.
met up wif W. (still pretty keen to write "my boi"). had a headache in morning, but still insisted on meeting him. i wore all those things tat he bought for mi, hoping will leave an impression on him. took our diner, n chatted halfway when we felt it's better to go public space, where we will not b able to create scenes.
there, had a long chat. i had wanna start all over again, cos i, over the lonely week, know wat went wrong, n how i shld deal wif it. during the 1 wk, i felt another person. i felt my heart is overwhelming mi, making mi feel my heart. i start to know why W is behaving in all these manners. too bad these happened oni after the fatful day.
i had tried to assure him, tat i'll take care of his emotions. however he rejected, as he does not want history to repeat. saying tat's it's not possible to change within such shrot time. n the more we change, e more we become diff. he felt we've come to an end, n shld lead our lives separately once again.
i tried my best to get him back, but he was adamant on discontinuing it. he told mi to take care of ymself. i can't promise him tat. he dun wan mi make him weep, cos he may go weak n agree to start over. but he know he shld not.
i started to relate, how i got my gifts for him, n how much these mean to him. but he was insistent on leaving. he had wanna call mi by my pet name gain. i refused, cos it'll oni make mi feel terrible.
lastly, we parted. he said that, after parting we can still b frns. i doubt so. cos if i see him, i'll need to control myself from hugging him. if we go wif his frns, who can tag along? he left, n i wait for my bus. on way home, i msg him sweet nothings, hoping he'll come back. well, he was jus very keen to break off from mi, laweving no chance for reconcilation.
i had assured him, now tat i kno how to tok wif his heart, i am in better position to deal wif thing. but he said it's too late. if i keep pushing him, he will oni have to make a painful decision.
n his decision was, "it's happier for him to leave this reln than to continue"
well, i accept it. if it's his decision. but this time around, i'm finally able to understand why, ppl could be numbed by affairs of the heart to want to start off another reln. it's just too tiring and painful.
if he's not so direct, i would like set myself to win him back by our next mth anni, but he's chosen the path.
================================
tat's all folks.
==========================
bitching:
- seem tat this anony guy, really made it a pt to b anony. neither virgil nor W know u.
- well, if a frn visits a page, does he need to inform everyone? not many of ur kakis are concerned to find out abt mi, thus they dun bother to check out this site.
- exams need full focus to do well. if u hear some bad news, n for 1 wk, u dun hear anythign from ur loved (pun intended) ones who are the afected ppl, r u able to forget abt it, n focus on ur books? if u can, congrats. i've not reached tat cold state yet. i'm still a very feeling person.
- whether or not, W needs a guy like him, is not for u to comment or criticise. u can let him know ur view n wat u'll do, but why are u encouraging?
- willieam, thx for ur support all the way... n ur effort to blog, when u usually email..
- sonya, well, bitches are labelled as one. they dun call themselves to b so, or know they are, unless ppl call them. :)
- since when did my frn sonya speak up for mi?
- knwoing u wun affect anythign, but at least i'll know this person has the courage to own up to wat he wrote. if not, it's another wilful comment posted in the cyber world. if u are matured enuff to post comemnts whcih u think are so god damn righteous, why is there a need to hide urself?
- if u think a relation is destructive, by all means, break from it. but if ur frne tink it's destructive, but u feel otherwise? wat ppl need usually, are support from frns, not suggestions.
- carameal, gosh, thanks for dropping by. guess u've never seen my site in such comment-ful state. but.. well, although we aren't together anymore, i dun prefer to use such direct words still...
- well, i guess i had to let it go somehow
- leave us alone? thanks for suggesting it. i hope this line has been in ur mind all along, rather than just this period.
==============================
in order to update my reg visitors all at 1 go, i guess it's best to write in blog. used to it anyway.
met up wif W. (still pretty keen to write "my boi"). had a headache in morning, but still insisted on meeting him. i wore all those things tat he bought for mi, hoping will leave an impression on him. took our diner, n chatted halfway when we felt it's better to go public space, where we will not b able to create scenes.
there, had a long chat. i had wanna start all over again, cos i, over the lonely week, know wat went wrong, n how i shld deal wif it. during the 1 wk, i felt another person. i felt my heart is overwhelming mi, making mi feel my heart. i start to know why W is behaving in all these manners. too bad these happened oni after the fatful day.
i had tried to assure him, tat i'll take care of his emotions. however he rejected, as he does not want history to repeat. saying tat's it's not possible to change within such shrot time. n the more we change, e more we become diff. he felt we've come to an end, n shld lead our lives separately once again.
i tried my best to get him back, but he was adamant on discontinuing it. he told mi to take care of ymself. i can't promise him tat. he dun wan mi make him weep, cos he may go weak n agree to start over. but he know he shld not.
i started to relate, how i got my gifts for him, n how much these mean to him. but he was insistent on leaving. he had wanna call mi by my pet name gain. i refused, cos it'll oni make mi feel terrible.
lastly, we parted. he said that, after parting we can still b frns. i doubt so. cos if i see him, i'll need to control myself from hugging him. if we go wif his frns, who can tag along? he left, n i wait for my bus. on way home, i msg him sweet nothings, hoping he'll come back. well, he was jus very keen to break off from mi, laweving no chance for reconcilation.
i had assured him, now tat i kno how to tok wif his heart, i am in better position to deal wif thing. but he said it's too late. if i keep pushing him, he will oni have to make a painful decision.
n his decision was, "it's happier for him to leave this reln than to continue"
well, i accept it. if it's his decision. but this time around, i'm finally able to understand why, ppl could be numbed by affairs of the heart to want to start off another reln. it's just too tiring and painful.
if he's not so direct, i would like set myself to win him back by our next mth anni, but he's chosen the path.
================================
tat's all folks.
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Monday, August 22, 2005
Sunday, August 21, 2005
i finally understand n realise, if a frn is sad, why we muz not mention the names of those ppl involved. after bfast wif family, i went back home. if someone mention abt my boi at this time, i blif i'll go silent. to think, when my dog left us, i can still tok n chat wif ppl abt how come it died. but tis time, at the mention of my boi's name, i blif i may jus weep.
perhaps my pessimistic self has come back once again. if somethign is to happen to us, i really have no idea wat gonna happen to mi. work, i'll still do. but my life, will b in a total mess.
I HEREBY VOW THAT I'LL MAKE MY BOI FEEL LOVED N PROTECTED ONCE AGAIN!
how come so qiao. i strugglign to finish my java prac. once a while, i'll watch TV. so qiao, certain scenes appear make mi think abt mi, n my boi. those lovey dovey scenes, n those tiff scenes. i really feel like crying (n yes, i wept). not being able to b wif him when he needs mi most, making him so angry tat he dun sms mi anymore.
i jus came home after dinner. on way home, i can imagine the pain my boi is going thru now. it makes mi so sad. my eyes are all watery. i even had to look at the sky to ctrl myself. my boi....
---------------------
as i jus got home, i realise my room has been broken into again. too much evidence for mi to discover, jus 2 much. if he read my blog, he shld know wat to do.
perhaps after my exams, i'll move out aagain. cos there's no way to prevent him from trespassing into my room.
perhaps my pessimistic self has come back once again. if somethign is to happen to us, i really have no idea wat gonna happen to mi. work, i'll still do. but my life, will b in a total mess.
I HEREBY VOW THAT I'LL MAKE MY BOI FEEL LOVED N PROTECTED ONCE AGAIN!
how come so qiao. i strugglign to finish my java prac. once a while, i'll watch TV. so qiao, certain scenes appear make mi think abt mi, n my boi. those lovey dovey scenes, n those tiff scenes. i really feel like crying (n yes, i wept). not being able to b wif him when he needs mi most, making him so angry tat he dun sms mi anymore.
i jus came home after dinner. on way home, i can imagine the pain my boi is going thru now. it makes mi so sad. my eyes are all watery. i even had to look at the sky to ctrl myself. my boi....
---------------------
as i jus got home, i realise my room has been broken into again. too much evidence for mi to discover, jus 2 much. if he read my blog, he shld know wat to do.
perhaps after my exams, i'll move out aagain. cos there's no way to prevent him from trespassing into my room.
Saturday, August 20, 2005
w/o my boi by my side, i begin to get flustered. still rmb, 1 time, i sms him something. he duno wat i meant, so he called his frns in midst of night, asking their opinions. now it seem to be happening to mi. his sms to mi were suddenly so cool n calm. now i wonder if i shld also ask my close frns for advice...
during our 3 mths, sometimes he feel tat he's a bad bf, cos it seem like, watever i tell him, it does make sense. he feel bad he din think of the conseq tat i told him. but come to think of it, y shld i impose such reasoning onto him? i din manage to catch this emotional side of him, but merely kept asking him to think of wat'd happen shld he do tat. y din i jus tell him nt to do it?
i jus hope tat, 25th of aug, will b a romantic day for us both.
---------------------------
jus got home, from "my classes". damn it. really stuck here. both asgt, do haflway. 1 asgt, the tr inform via tmc tat he'll go into the asgt briefing at the class, after lesson, today. i really dunno if i shld attend it, learn more how to do asgt, or simply carry on wif prep for java. in end, i thot i need to go back office to get some files, so might as well go ahead.
everythign seem perfect. when i got to class, the tr oredi 3/4 thru asgt briefing. ok, i got to classes oni 30 min b4 it end. i was stunned tat during the class, he go into briefing liao, instead of starting it after proper lesson finish. den later, he started to guide those who stayed back to learn more. i oso duno how/wat to ask. seem like it's a waste of time for mi. cos i really thot, i can get some obvious hints on asgt, den no need spend so much time. but end up, he oni emphasize on how to find the ans. i really blur liao. 22nd is asgt due date. 29 is cutoff date. duno, siao liaoz.
25 is my exam, now when i resume my prac, it dun seem to work tat fine. n i forgot, really forgot wat i did in the previous exercises. i assume the earlier ex were pretyt important as they set the foundation for mi. now i oni got 2 choices, to restart on the whole prac, or try to resume where i left. but may lose my foundation.
i really duno.
during our 3 mths, sometimes he feel tat he's a bad bf, cos it seem like, watever i tell him, it does make sense. he feel bad he din think of the conseq tat i told him. but come to think of it, y shld i impose such reasoning onto him? i din manage to catch this emotional side of him, but merely kept asking him to think of wat'd happen shld he do tat. y din i jus tell him nt to do it?
i jus hope tat, 25th of aug, will b a romantic day for us both.
---------------------------
jus got home, from "my classes". damn it. really stuck here. both asgt, do haflway. 1 asgt, the tr inform via tmc tat he'll go into the asgt briefing at the class, after lesson, today. i really dunno if i shld attend it, learn more how to do asgt, or simply carry on wif prep for java. in end, i thot i need to go back office to get some files, so might as well go ahead.
everythign seem perfect. when i got to class, the tr oredi 3/4 thru asgt briefing. ok, i got to classes oni 30 min b4 it end. i was stunned tat during the class, he go into briefing liao, instead of starting it after proper lesson finish. den later, he started to guide those who stayed back to learn more. i oso duno how/wat to ask. seem like it's a waste of time for mi. cos i really thot, i can get some obvious hints on asgt, den no need spend so much time. but end up, he oni emphasize on how to find the ans. i really blur liao. 22nd is asgt due date. 29 is cutoff date. duno, siao liaoz.
25 is my exam, now when i resume my prac, it dun seem to work tat fine. n i forgot, really forgot wat i did in the previous exercises. i assume the earlier ex were pretyt important as they set the foundation for mi. now i oni got 2 choices, to restart on the whole prac, or try to resume where i left. but may lose my foundation.
i really duno.
Friday, August 19, 2005
these days, been fighting for my ... life? i really owe a lot to my boi... after work, got an sms from my boi. suddenly, i seem to contract flu. been thinking quite a lot. suddenly, my strong front is about to fall. come to think of it, whenever my boi did something for mi, i'll reply wif a std line.
yrs ago, back to '02, when i walk up escalator, n saw my ex, i will smile graciously at him, making him paiseh. whenever he praise mi, i'll b happy oso.
Over the years, till now, why have i changed? y am i so cold in my replies? somehow, i feel tat, being in the corporate world, where i'm not used to yet (still), n after watching so much TV, i am beginning to hide my true self. i dun wan ppl to know my true self. even in my mind, i have this thot: even if i afraid, i shldn't show it. i have to conceal this weakness of mine, so i wun b defeated. In other words, taken advantage of.
even for my gal frn, she once commented, i'm not myself. cos til now, oni she, prince, n my boi can make mi really be myself. joking n teasing n flirting n b crazy at times. when she was wif mi (walking around somewhere), i commented she made mi kisiao. tat was when she say i am oni controlling myself.
these days, when i not wif my boi, i feel my world is kinda collapsing. i miss him a lot. yes, i am often reasoning. cos to mi, if i really get emotional, i can't control it so much. my boi can ctrl it better than mi. rmb, 1 time, i eating ajisen wif him. tat time i was emotionally disturbed. i din tok much. cos i really dunno when i'll b ok, or how to manage it.
humans, are, still emotional animals. i cant deny it. i guess i will have to release my emotional self after all.
anyway, i dunno wat happened. my right jaw hurts a lot. i realise it not the jaw itself, but it my ear drum. i cant open my mouth wide to eat. gosh... why are so many things happening at such shrot time??? to mi, my boi, and us noth?
====================================
To: My BOI
Take good care of urself. I look forward to a better future for us. With no-more serious arguments. We will love each other deeper and stronger than before.
Love,
Your Dar.
yrs ago, back to '02, when i walk up escalator, n saw my ex, i will smile graciously at him, making him paiseh. whenever he praise mi, i'll b happy oso.
Over the years, till now, why have i changed? y am i so cold in my replies? somehow, i feel tat, being in the corporate world, where i'm not used to yet (still), n after watching so much TV, i am beginning to hide my true self. i dun wan ppl to know my true self. even in my mind, i have this thot: even if i afraid, i shldn't show it. i have to conceal this weakness of mine, so i wun b defeated. In other words, taken advantage of.
even for my gal frn, she once commented, i'm not myself. cos til now, oni she, prince, n my boi can make mi really be myself. joking n teasing n flirting n b crazy at times. when she was wif mi (walking around somewhere), i commented she made mi kisiao. tat was when she say i am oni controlling myself.
these days, when i not wif my boi, i feel my world is kinda collapsing. i miss him a lot. yes, i am often reasoning. cos to mi, if i really get emotional, i can't control it so much. my boi can ctrl it better than mi. rmb, 1 time, i eating ajisen wif him. tat time i was emotionally disturbed. i din tok much. cos i really dunno when i'll b ok, or how to manage it.
humans, are, still emotional animals. i cant deny it. i guess i will have to release my emotional self after all.
anyway, i dunno wat happened. my right jaw hurts a lot. i realise it not the jaw itself, but it my ear drum. i cant open my mouth wide to eat. gosh... why are so many things happening at such shrot time??? to mi, my boi, and us noth?
====================================
To: My BOI
Take good care of urself. I look forward to a better future for us. With no-more serious arguments. We will love each other deeper and stronger than before.
Love,
Your Dar.
Thursday, August 18, 2005
got abdominal pain. cant take it, go c doc. dialled a no. it's my boi's. cant ctrl myself. i wept over the phone. i miss my boi so much. i miss his hug so much. i miss our wood pecking scene. at home, rmb 2 songs which describe my self-realisation.
visit the song if cant read the chn words. not sure if my blog can have chn word.
By sky wu, ai yu chou:
(line 3) ????????????????
by shunza, I'm Sorry (???):
(line 1) ?????????? ???? ??????
(line 2) ?????????? ??? ????
by shunza, I'm Sorry (???):
I always think that I know everything
But you insist I know nothing
I always fight to have very last word
But your thoughts were never heard
I'm sorry, so sorry
Didn't mean to hurt you
I'll borrow your sorrow
Don't tell me it's through
I wish I could take back some things I said
I wish I could make things better
I wish I could take back some things I did
Everyday I'm feeling sadder
I'm sorry, so sorry
Didn't mean to hurt you
I'll borrow your sorrow
It's my turn now to cry
Never fear I'll be here
Say a prayer
We can take on the hands of time
And I, I know we can make it
If we just stay together
And trust each other on this one
I'm sorry, so sorry
Didn't mean to hurt you
I'll borrow your sorrow
Don't tell me it's through, don't tell me it's through
Said I'm sorry, I'm sorry
I've never meant to, never meant to hurt you
I'll borrow, I will borrow your sorrow
It's my turn now to cry
visit the song if cant read the chn words. not sure if my blog can have chn word.
By sky wu, ai yu chou:
(line 3) ????????????????
by shunza, I'm Sorry (???):
(line 1) ?????????? ???? ??????
(line 2) ?????????? ??? ????
by shunza, I'm Sorry (???):
I always think that I know everything
I always fight to have very last word
But your thoughts were never heard
I'm sorry, so sorry
Didn't mean to hurt you
I'll borrow your sorrow
Don't tell me it's through
I wish I could take back some things I said
I wish I could make things better
I wish I could take back some things I did
Everyday I'm feeling sadder
I'm sorry, so sorry
Didn't mean to hurt you
I'll borrow your sorrow
It's my turn now to cry
Never fear I'll be here
Say a prayer
We can take on the hands of time
And I, I know we can make it
If we just stay together
And trust each other on this one
I'm sorry, so sorry
Didn't mean to hurt you
I'll borrow your sorrow
Don't tell me it's through, don't tell me it's through
Said I'm sorry, I'm sorry
I've never meant to, never meant to hurt you
I'll borrow, I will borrow your sorrow
It's my turn now to cry
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
din really.... din really wanna blog. cos i'm still VERY VERY stressed by exam. i jus hope *i dunno wat's come over mi suddenly................. was hearing junyang sing Tong Hua, suddenly thot of wat happened betwn mi n my boi, i was trying real hard, but i suddenly started to weep* ok, i jus hope tat, my boi n i can sustain our pain till 25th, the day we celebrate our 3rd mth anni.
was looking at my 2nd asgt, i had jus fnisnihed my first asgt, lack the docu. will work on it during office hours. den abt my 2nd asgt, i know nothing abt wat it trying to ask. look at newgroups, look at qn, look at my notes. kauzz, how am i gonna cope wif my java exam, n this asgt??? damn.
was looking at my 2nd asgt, i had jus fnisnihed my first asgt, lack the docu. will work on it during office hours. den abt my 2nd asgt, i know nothing abt wat it trying to ask. look at newgroups, look at qn, look at my notes. kauzz, how am i gonna cope wif my java exam, n this asgt??? damn.
Monday, August 15, 2005
totally depressing day. had expected a better 1, but, oh well.. "some ppl" say i'm too logical and lack the emotional side. *somehow i dun wan write 2 much, cos no pt in toking so much crap here... but jus cant stop myself*
i can oni say, it does not take jus 4 mths to understand a person. yes i may be full of reasons. tat is 'cos, logic rules the world. passion get you going. u know tat i cant control my emotions at times. tat's when my emotions set in, and i cant control it. reasoning comes in when i am able to think properly.
when i can't, it means my mind is really taking a rest n dun wan b disturbed. i dun dare say i know u well enuff, but still trying to understand u better. going by reasoning, n thinking, i will not think of buying u some food u always love, when u've just finished a meal. however, even during cold days, i oso conflict myself by eating ice-cream, but find it too cold to drink cold water.
'cos i simply like the ice-cream n jus wanna take it. u dun need to rmb exactly how i'll react in some cases, or wat 'll i say. cos ppl change n grow up. jus b urself, n b natural. if u keep pressuring urself, n do things u DUN enjoy, wat happiness will u get from it?
yes, i did give up parties for u. tat's a natural sacrifice. cos i need to respect u. but till now, i still observe. or, as you always claim, i look at guys. if u wonder, how come i'm SO BUSY these days n timing so cock up. imagine urself in my shoes. my blog has written it. for timing cock up, when part 1 of my strezz is relieved, i really have no wish to plan once again. u may be thinking, my exam over. surely wanna relax n wanna mit up.
yes i do. but think of the impending asgtmt i have on hand, and the exam left for mi. i have lil confidence i can do it, cos.. tat's mi. i wanna relax, but i cant. i have oni so much time remaining.
on the emotional side, no word can repair it. oni care n concern can heal it.
i can oni say, it does not take jus 4 mths to understand a person. yes i may be full of reasons. tat is 'cos, logic rules the world. passion get you going. u know tat i cant control my emotions at times. tat's when my emotions set in, and i cant control it. reasoning comes in when i am able to think properly.
when i can't, it means my mind is really taking a rest n dun wan b disturbed. i dun dare say i know u well enuff, but still trying to understand u better. going by reasoning, n thinking, i will not think of buying u some food u always love, when u've just finished a meal. however, even during cold days, i oso conflict myself by eating ice-cream, but find it too cold to drink cold water.
'cos i simply like the ice-cream n jus wanna take it. u dun need to rmb exactly how i'll react in some cases, or wat 'll i say. cos ppl change n grow up. jus b urself, n b natural. if u keep pressuring urself, n do things u DUN enjoy, wat happiness will u get from it?
yes, i did give up parties for u. tat's a natural sacrifice. cos i need to respect u. but till now, i still observe. or, as you always claim, i look at guys. if u wonder, how come i'm SO BUSY these days n timing so cock up. imagine urself in my shoes. my blog has written it. for timing cock up, when part 1 of my strezz is relieved, i really have no wish to plan once again. u may be thinking, my exam over. surely wanna relax n wanna mit up.
yes i do. but think of the impending asgtmt i have on hand, and the exam left for mi. i have lil confidence i can do it, cos.. tat's mi. i wanna relax, but i cant. i have oni so much time remaining.
on the emotional side, no word can repair it. oni care n concern can heal it.
Sunday, August 14, 2005
these days, whenever.. or rather, nowadays, whenever there're certain lines whcih sound touching, i always feel tat extra twitch in my nostrils. that code couples always use to identify thmselves, and willing make sacrifices for each otehr. maybe, these days, i'm involved as well, so feel tat extra twitch. in past, oni felt those thigns were nice n touchign.
hehe, n these days, i kinda understand why hubbies wanna earn $$$. hahah, so tat spouse can lead a better life ;)
dunno if i really under 2 much strezz. jus now was toking n discussing abt meeting up wif my boi. den i seem to lose my temper... during the chat, i din realise anything. but after hang up, i felt bad siazz..
anyway, doing my asgt due for 22nd aug. wah, now den i realise js is now so powerful!! even some normal text or img can have mouseover effect!!
hehe, n these days, i kinda understand why hubbies wanna earn $$$. hahah, so tat spouse can lead a better life ;)
dunno if i really under 2 much strezz. jus now was toking n discussing abt meeting up wif my boi. den i seem to lose my temper... during the chat, i din realise anything. but after hang up, i felt bad siazz..
anyway, doing my asgt due for 22nd aug. wah, now den i realise js is now so powerful!! even some normal text or img can have mouseover effect!!
Saturday, August 13, 2005
I PASSED MY JAVA BASIC EXAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111
wah liao!!!!!!!!!!! i was so stunned!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
when i was told i passed, i dunno how to react. den when i saw the paper myself. wah liao, if my frn (or my boi) wif mi, i surely scream. heeh, but i controlled myself n kept smilign all the way. i wanna give the admin guy a hug, but he prefer jus handshake haha. gosh!!! i can't wipe my smile away at all!!! i was beaming wif delight!!!!
i almost wanna weep... i finally know wat it really means by ???? (which means, tears of happiness) i really felt tat my effort has paid off!!!!! study so hard, n finally my first obstable is over!!!!! i msged some ppl. most replied in 10 mins. sighz, the 1 who i really wanna share my joy wif, replied 1 hr later. i was hoping he reply mi, den i call him to elab. or he call mi, oso can. den later, i received a sms/call from him, but he seems bz wif his frns, not in mood to share my joy. more to telling mi how much he miss mi. i guess wrong timing loh.
den later, heard he'll b playing game. thot of surprising him, by appearing there outta blue. din expect him to mean, he'll play 1 hr later.
anyway, i am so excited!!!! u know, for mi, i ... ok some history. ok lah, i dunno how to hide lengthy story, unlike some gal LOL, so... a bit loh soh here. history: i first touch java in '97/98. den for my graduation proj in 2k, i oso used java. den till now, dun have exposure to java at all. den for this java cert i taking, got 2 parts (read: component), 1 is web, 1 is basic. in order to take web, muz finish basic first. my poly dip cant allow mi to bypass the basic. so, i jus had to pass it somehow. due to bochap n anyhow n chin chai attitude, i dinno i had to pass the basic till i took the web component class in mid jul. den i know i MUZ pass basic first.
siao liao, 2 exam at 1 go. preparing for web is tuff enuf. i dun think got time to do pracs for basic liao. so, i borrowed book from NLB, n i know, i muz finish the boko in 1 wk, cos i MUZ finish web n basic by aug. so i PIA PIA like siaoz. diner oso tbuy outside meal. everyday jus go home n read bok. in office oso same thing. luckily got n'day, i got timet o read more. but had to neglect my boi.
the theory wise, i thot everything is in mind liao after reading boko. den when i did the self test section, kauz, i realise some topics, 50% is my accuracy. i was so stressed n despondent. i dun even know if i can make it. here is the strezzz factor:
but from the self test, seem like my solid foundation has melted. i got basic foundation oni. i was so fed up wif mysefl. felt like crying to relax, cos i really so damn strezz! but i dun wnana take teh ez way (read: d**th) but fight for my future.
den i thot my timing for studying quite ok liao, but in end, cock up a bit. last min still revising a bit. but i told myself, i need to know how to ttake the exam wif confidence. so i planned wat time to be at the exam place. relaxed a bit, n took it. ahha, asked a no of qns abt the procedures cos i first time. den while taking, *am i letting out some secrets of Sun if i say something? cos they got some agreement whcih i "agreed" w/o reading thru, as the reading is taking up exam time!!!!*, so while taking, i wonder if they oso allow some kinda passionate marking.
some questions, i somehow rmb mi reading them in the selftest, or theory. but i kinda forgot the results. SHIT! in the end, had to guess. n some questions i really doubt my answers. plus, somtimes my selftest ans is wrong, end up i dun really know if my understanding is there. chamz even. even best, i read the exam requirement: it shld not have a topic, but it appeared in the exam!!!!!!!!!!! err, hehe, i jus check the req again, oni got 4 words to indicate it's included in exam.
den during exam, some ans i not certain if correct or not, n some questions, at first i din ans cos totally blur. in end, i ti-kam the most possible 1. when everything is done, the 2 hr exam left oni 10 secs to kill. good hor? no wonder some ppl feedback the time is too short. i wasn't confident at all tat i'll pass anot. i even resorted to praying to my religion n ancestors as per std.
when eveyting's done, i jus wnana have a break. i know i cant do much, cos still got asgt, n 1 moer exam, but i MUZ relax. hehe. n finally did. took pig trotter for lunch, n watch recorded male superstar. wah liao, know wat? the trotter hor, i used to eating it from those kway chap. first time eat from choy fan stall. kauz, almost like operating on it to get the meat siazz. den the owner say, if i buy trotter ($4), he dun add rice cost. haha, i bought trotter, cos i wanna somethign diff. n he oso din add any cost when i wanna add some tofu.
oh, the superstar thing. luckily i recorded. cos, the old songs, wah really remind mi of the old days siazz. was singing along wif them. hehe, to mi, i did sing well too haha. esp tat "???????", "????????? ????????????. brought back happy memories... i mean the song is VERY touching. hehe, maybe i relaxing, so for 2nd n 4th song, i used lotsa falsetto. haha. for weilian, he sang GOOD. but i scared judges say he seme to be imitating. for the junyang, wah liao, he din use his heart to sing siazz. den wei jian, not bad. but he does sing well. 2 bad, it seems weijian is out.
and these days ch 8 is always showing those old movies.. old but good hehe. as usual, after the exam, felt like going irc, but ahha, now i got my boi wif mi, y shdl i? hehe. oh ya, Lin Ching Hsia is really good at acting...
wah liao!!!!!!!!!!! i was so stunned!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
when i was told i passed, i dunno how to react. den when i saw the paper myself. wah liao, if my frn (or my boi) wif mi, i surely scream. heeh, but i controlled myself n kept smilign all the way. i wanna give the admin guy a hug, but he prefer jus handshake haha. gosh!!! i can't wipe my smile away at all!!! i was beaming wif delight!!!!
i almost wanna weep... i finally know wat it really means by ???? (which means, tears of happiness) i really felt tat my effort has paid off!!!!! study so hard, n finally my first obstable is over!!!!! i msged some ppl. most replied in 10 mins. sighz, the 1 who i really wanna share my joy wif, replied 1 hr later. i was hoping he reply mi, den i call him to elab. or he call mi, oso can. den later, i received a sms/call from him, but he seems bz wif his frns, not in mood to share my joy. more to telling mi how much he miss mi. i guess wrong timing loh.
den later, heard he'll b playing game. thot of surprising him, by appearing there outta blue. din expect him to mean, he'll play 1 hr later.
anyway, i am so excited!!!! u know, for mi, i ... ok some history. ok lah, i dunno how to hide lengthy story, unlike some gal LOL, so... a bit loh soh here. history: i first touch java in '97/98. den for my graduation proj in 2k, i oso used java. den till now, dun have exposure to java at all. den for this java cert i taking, got 2 parts (read: component), 1 is web, 1 is basic. in order to take web, muz finish basic first. my poly dip cant allow mi to bypass the basic. so, i jus had to pass it somehow. due to bochap n anyhow n chin chai attitude, i dinno i had to pass the basic till i took the web component class in mid jul. den i know i MUZ pass basic first.
siao liao, 2 exam at 1 go. preparing for web is tuff enuf. i dun think got time to do pracs for basic liao. so, i borrowed book from NLB, n i know, i muz finish the boko in 1 wk, cos i MUZ finish web n basic by aug. so i PIA PIA like siaoz. diner oso tbuy outside meal. everyday jus go home n read bok. in office oso same thing. luckily got n'day, i got timet o read more. but had to neglect my boi.
the theory wise, i thot everything is in mind liao after reading boko. den when i did the self test section, kauz, i realise some topics, 50% is my accuracy. i was so stressed n despondent. i dun even know if i can make it. here is the strezzz factor:
in order to take web, i MUZ pass the basic. if basic dun even pass, web can forget abt taking it, cos got a rule saying, if i cant pass an exam, muz wait 2 wks to take again. n if 3 times liao, still cant pass, muz get permission from Sun to re-take. if i dun pass basic, it mean i cant take web, n cant pass anything, den all my $$$ invested in it gone case liaoz. as it's after aug liao. so i muz PASS basic by hook or croak in order to advance. wah liao, damn strezz!!
but from the self test, seem like my solid foundation has melted. i got basic foundation oni. i was so fed up wif mysefl. felt like crying to relax, cos i really so damn strezz! but i dun wnana take teh ez way (read: d**th) but fight for my future.
den i thot my timing for studying quite ok liao, but in end, cock up a bit. last min still revising a bit. but i told myself, i need to know how to ttake the exam wif confidence. so i planned wat time to be at the exam place. relaxed a bit, n took it. ahha, asked a no of qns abt the procedures cos i first time. den while taking, *am i letting out some secrets of Sun if i say something? cos they got some agreement whcih i "agreed" w/o reading thru, as the reading is taking up exam time!!!!*, so while taking, i wonder if they oso allow some kinda passionate marking.
some questions, i somehow rmb mi reading them in the selftest, or theory. but i kinda forgot the results. SHIT! in the end, had to guess. n some questions i really doubt my answers. plus, somtimes my selftest ans is wrong, end up i dun really know if my understanding is there. chamz even. even best, i read the exam requirement: it shld not have a topic, but it appeared in the exam!!!!!!!!!!! err, hehe, i jus check the req again, oni got 4 words to indicate it's included in exam.
den during exam, some ans i not certain if correct or not, n some questions, at first i din ans cos totally blur. in end, i ti-kam the most possible 1. when everything is done, the 2 hr exam left oni 10 secs to kill. good hor? no wonder some ppl feedback the time is too short. i wasn't confident at all tat i'll pass anot. i even resorted to praying to my religion n ancestors as per std.
when eveyting's done, i jus wnana have a break. i know i cant do much, cos still got asgt, n 1 moer exam, but i MUZ relax. hehe. n finally did. took pig trotter for lunch, n watch recorded male superstar. wah liao, know wat? the trotter hor, i used to eating it from those kway chap. first time eat from choy fan stall. kauz, almost like operating on it to get the meat siazz. den the owner say, if i buy trotter ($4), he dun add rice cost. haha, i bought trotter, cos i wanna somethign diff. n he oso din add any cost when i wanna add some tofu.
oh, the superstar thing. luckily i recorded. cos, the old songs, wah really remind mi of the old days siazz. was singing along wif them. hehe, to mi, i did sing well too haha. esp tat "???????", "????????? ????????????. brought back happy memories... i mean the song is VERY touching. hehe, maybe i relaxing, so for 2nd n 4th song, i used lotsa falsetto. haha. for weilian, he sang GOOD. but i scared judges say he seme to be imitating. for the junyang, wah liao, he din use his heart to sing siazz. den wei jian, not bad. but he does sing well. 2 bad, it seems weijian is out.
and these days ch 8 is always showing those old movies.. old but good hehe. as usual, after the exam, felt like going irc, but ahha, now i got my boi wif mi, y shdl i? hehe. oh ya, Lin Ching Hsia is really good at acting...
Friday, August 12, 2005
have finished readign the required chapters needed for exam. frankly, when i first knew i had to etake the exam, i was complacent. i thot: i had the foundation some time back. till now, i can still churn out simple java class. will Sun actually see a candidate to finish exam and walk out unexpectedly early? maybe i'll b the first 1. n since i have the foundation, the exam shld b a breeze to mi.
but i was wrong. i had to sleep at 1+am to finish chapters at night. grew nervous abt my timetable and pressured as time go. now doing last min prep. i mean, doing the mock exam questions. pretty tough. some topics, i blundered in many areas. i hope these mistakes can help mi prep better for exam. duno. perhaps it's jus mi, tat i got no confidence in the exam. sighzz...may god bless mi.
but i was wrong. i had to sleep at 1+am to finish chapters at night. grew nervous abt my timetable and pressured as time go. now doing last min prep. i mean, doing the mock exam questions. pretty tough. some topics, i blundered in many areas. i hope these mistakes can help mi prep better for exam. duno. perhaps it's jus mi, tat i got no confidence in the exam. sighzz...may god bless mi.
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
i think i'll take this time to relax... cos jus completed at least... ok ... 150 pages - 200 pages in 1 day. 805am to 530pm. wah liao, morning, took bfast, den go mac there. bought a drink n sat there for 1.5 hr. den thot of going soemhwere quiet to study. little did i know, wheni got to void deck, kauz, got flies biting mi, den so warm, n i totally cant focus on reading at all. once the env is serene, my mind jus go wild, thinking n singing songs. 20 mins down, i still haven't progress from 1 page. siaozz, i cant carry on like tis. was even thinking of going home, den bring some music down.
den i decided to jus go back, but go to kfc. buy a drink, n sat there till 3+. i actually witnessed that ppl finish their meal n left, some rowdy group, n ppl wif low EQ. den, so qiao, an ex-colleauge saw mi n wanna my hp no as i leaving for toilet. i say i give after going toilet. but he is those i dun bother keeping contact wif. den later, he stil came up to mi. got my number, n stored it. he din give mi his. den later, abt 3+, i cant stay there anymore. n left for home. by 530, phew i finally finished my task. finally finished 200 pages. i'm pretty proud of myself.
i guess i gona stick to my plan i wrote here. but may change a bit. will focus on finishingthe book, den when first exam over, i start on prac again. ok, was watching n'day tv. err, felt everything's the same as usual. no surprise. jus the usual programs. tis yr, even super, n'day celeb became chingay - decorative cars were ushered in, telling us our motherland's history. den same old stuff. i did think, if foreigners were watching, they'll say it's fabulous n fantastic. but, i've been watching the same program for years. 25 years, or 20 years to be exact. no change at all. yes, they intro'ed pop singers to perform at n'day, but tat' e oni change.
n this yr, Rui'en (not tat well known) and Taufik (Singapore Idol fame) sang. felt there's no excitemnet at all. would actually prefer those top 5 of singapore idols to sing. ya, tis yr oso bring the celeb to heartlands, but it felt more like celebration of some festivals. some public performance. well, maybe as i grow older, i begin to catch the itinery, n dun feel teh surprise anymore.
had wanna write more comments.. oh well, about someone, but other day perhaps..
den i decided to jus go back, but go to kfc. buy a drink, n sat there till 3+. i actually witnessed that ppl finish their meal n left, some rowdy group, n ppl wif low EQ. den, so qiao, an ex-colleauge saw mi n wanna my hp no as i leaving for toilet. i say i give after going toilet. but he is those i dun bother keeping contact wif. den later, he stil came up to mi. got my number, n stored it. he din give mi his. den later, abt 3+, i cant stay there anymore. n left for home. by 530, phew i finally finished my task. finally finished 200 pages. i'm pretty proud of myself.
i guess i gona stick to my plan i wrote here. but may change a bit. will focus on finishingthe book, den when first exam over, i start on prac again. ok, was watching n'day tv. err, felt everything's the same as usual. no surprise. jus the usual programs. tis yr, even super, n'day celeb became chingay - decorative cars were ushered in, telling us our motherland's history. den same old stuff. i did think, if foreigners were watching, they'll say it's fabulous n fantastic. but, i've been watching the same program for years. 25 years, or 20 years to be exact. no change at all. yes, they intro'ed pop singers to perform at n'day, but tat' e oni change.
n this yr, Rui'en (not tat well known) and Taufik (Singapore Idol fame) sang. felt there's no excitemnet at all. would actually prefer those top 5 of singapore idols to sing. ya, tis yr oso bring the celeb to heartlands, but it felt more like celebration of some festivals. some public performance. well, maybe as i grow older, i begin to catch the itinery, n dun feel teh surprise anymore.
had wanna write more comments.. oh well, about someone, but other day perhaps..
i think, somehow i can say it's a piece of good news.. this gd news, 2 bad my boi not wif mi to share the joy... prefer to tell him personally, to over phone.. ya, both gd n stressful news.
stress news is, my 500+ pages, muz finish reading by fri nite. now i've done 100+ pages liaoz. at my rate, 1 trip from/to office can finish abt 100 pages.. ie 1 day of normal office hours can finish 100 pages. den tmr, is PH. will pia all the way to finish more pages. 100+-200 shld b ok. library not open, so will jus find some void deck to study *had wanna write some noti n jokeful comments, but scared someone take it serious...* study from perhaps 7am till late.. sianzz.. but muz pia for my future. haizz.. den oso got 2 monash assgt to finish by 22 aug, java big exam by 24 aug. siaozz.. really damn packed.
good news is... LOL, by stroke of luck, my dept.. or rather my company, has a website dept which deploys jsp/servlet. i had chatted wif them of my interest n abilities in html, css, programming, taking java, n deg cos. den today, 1 guy who knew abt it, called mi. i thot the call is abt 1 case which i passed over to his colleague. haha, turn out it's good news for mi.
cos, he say, since i learning jsp n servlet, he gonna pass mi 1 proj. finish by sept 2nd. if my work is up to a std, they will try to transfer mi over to their dept!!!! ghahahah... is this gonna b a big break for mi?? dunno.. but i dun wan pressure myself too much.. jus plan my time properly. so right now, i guess i still better finish prep my basic java exam for this sat first, den try to pia my monash asgt over wkend after exam (hope i stil have the mood). den when done, i carry on wif my web comp (big exam) pracs at home, n take note of the impt points while on way to work, so tat i can revise. when tat 1 oso done, i try to pia the proj by the dept loh.
hopefully, these piazz r worth my time n effort... god/buddha, pls bless mi... for success... i cant say i got confidence tat i sure can make it, but i gotta try my best n put my best effort to it...
stress news is, my 500+ pages, muz finish reading by fri nite. now i've done 100+ pages liaoz. at my rate, 1 trip from/to office can finish abt 100 pages.. ie 1 day of normal office hours can finish 100 pages. den tmr, is PH. will pia all the way to finish more pages. 100+-200 shld b ok. library not open, so will jus find some void deck to study *had wanna write some noti n jokeful comments, but scared someone take it serious...* study from perhaps 7am till late.. sianzz.. but muz pia for my future. haizz.. den oso got 2 monash assgt to finish by 22 aug, java big exam by 24 aug. siaozz.. really damn packed.
good news is... LOL, by stroke of luck, my dept.. or rather my company, has a website dept which deploys jsp/servlet. i had chatted wif them of my interest n abilities in html, css, programming, taking java, n deg cos. den today, 1 guy who knew abt it, called mi. i thot the call is abt 1 case which i passed over to his colleague. haha, turn out it's good news for mi.
cos, he say, since i learning jsp n servlet, he gonna pass mi 1 proj. finish by sept 2nd. if my work is up to a std, they will try to transfer mi over to their dept!!!! ghahahah... is this gonna b a big break for mi?? dunno.. but i dun wan pressure myself too much.. jus plan my time properly. so right now, i guess i still better finish prep my basic java exam for this sat first, den try to pia my monash asgt over wkend after exam (hope i stil have the mood). den when done, i carry on wif my web comp (big exam) pracs at home, n take note of the impt points while on way to work, so tat i can revise. when tat 1 oso done, i try to pia the proj by the dept loh.
hopefully, these piazz r worth my time n effort... god/buddha, pls bless mi... for success... i cant say i got confidence tat i sure can make it, but i gotta try my best n put my best effort to it...
Sunday, August 07, 2005
acutally.. come to think of it, having a blog dun really mean u can blurt out watever u wan. ok, it's a page that keeps your thinking n views, and ur watever. but when it comes to sensitive issues like politics, i wonder if we still need to be responsible. if some party dun like it, can it order the blog to be shut down?
well, here comes a small issue. the big issue, i wun mention. small issue, now is national day. i rmb 10 yrs back, abt 2 weeks b4 n'day, i can see national flag hanging andsashaying away moved along as the winds blew at hdb flats. *luckily i check the meaning.. gosh, i had meant to say "the flag... as winds blow, the flags was moving oso..."*
but right now, how many flats are hanging the flags wif on 2 days to n'day??
n right now, stressed by this sat's exam. i thot i had a good foundation. ok, maybe i did have, but the book did have additional info to reinforce n made my foundation stronger. end up, i got more things to read than i thot. a total of 500 odd pages. muz finish it by fri. right now, read 30 pages liao. since the day i loaned it.
well, here comes a small issue. the big issue, i wun mention. small issue, now is national day. i rmb 10 yrs back, abt 2 weeks b4 n'day, i can see national flag hanging and
but right now, how many flats are hanging the flags wif on 2 days to n'day??
n right now, stressed by this sat's exam. i thot i had a good foundation. ok, maybe i did have, but the book did have additional info to reinforce n made my foundation stronger. end up, i got more things to read than i thot. a total of 500 odd pages. muz finish it by fri. right now, read 30 pages liao. since the day i loaned it.
Friday, August 05, 2005
watching ch U "shoot" program.
about how shld parents care for their children.
well, i got nothign to say abt daddy.
but for my mum...
if i were there at the show, i'll probably say, parents shld instil confidence in their children. cos for mi, i nver had confidence in myself til recent yrs. cos i always afraid i'll do the wrong thigns. well, maybe this does not apply to others, 'cos i've never had a chance to be outgoing n learn hwo to make frns. i was always so de introverted. always stay home. my first break came, when i got to know sonya. she tot mi hwo to reason etc. this is 1 of the many things i learnt from her. she brought mi out to real world. leslie... mention him when chance comes.
den as for understanding of mi, probably my mum had her own probs, n due to unbalanced childhood living, my mum din have the chance to know mi better. she oso dunno how to tok to mi. and due to lack of confidence, i oso dun wan tell her anything, in case kena scold. when i was still lvign wif parents, i can say they duno wat i was doing outside. n lotsa things, i was depending on them. cos my mum such too gd care of mi. i have to b independent.
so right now, when i living myself liao, i gradually dun blame my mum. i begin to understand her position n plight. n more understanding of her... i oni wnana say,
mum, i LOVE U :)
2 bad she not gonna see this line hehe...
about how shld parents care for their children.
well, i got nothign to say abt daddy.
but for my mum...
if i were there at the show, i'll probably say, parents shld instil confidence in their children. cos for mi, i nver had confidence in myself til recent yrs. cos i always afraid i'll do the wrong thigns. well, maybe this does not apply to others, 'cos i've never had a chance to be outgoing n learn hwo to make frns. i was always so de introverted. always stay home. my first break came, when i got to know sonya. she tot mi hwo to reason etc. this is 1 of the many things i learnt from her. she brought mi out to real world. leslie... mention him when chance comes.
den as for understanding of mi, probably my mum had her own probs, n due to unbalanced childhood living, my mum din have the chance to know mi better. she oso dunno how to tok to mi. and due to lack of confidence, i oso dun wan tell her anything, in case kena scold. when i was still lvign wif parents, i can say they duno wat i was doing outside. n lotsa things, i was depending on them. cos my mum such too gd care of mi. i have to b independent.
so right now, when i living myself liao, i gradually dun blame my mum. i begin to understand her position n plight. n more understanding of her... i oni wnana say,
mum, i LOVE U :)
2 bad she not gonna see this line hehe...
Thursday, August 04, 2005
ok lah, din keep to my self-promise of working hard on java. started on it oni after 630pm. b4 tat, resting n dozing off. perhaps escaping once agin from the stress, or de-stressing myself first, or simply trying to get some rest b4 i head into it. anyway, my java library book, jus borrowed it, shld b returning it b4 due date, n reading once web component part is done.
den was watching ch U superstar. haha, sometimes, ppl jus know how to criticise from the audio/voice effect, when they themselves dun sing well enuff LOL - referring to myself.
1 ger sang kang ding qing ge. seem like amei version. cos i oni know amei re-sang it. not bad. high enuff, and daring enuff to reach high notes.
1 ger sang wo zhi zai hu ni. i was stunned. it's such a POPULAR n OLDI. she dare to sing it??? my jaw simply dropped. true enuff, she din pull it off well. even in some hk/china performance sometime back when hk went back to china, sammi SYZ oso sang wif faster rhythm to get rid of the old feel. oni Talent Na Ying sang wif original tune wif a new voice. but this ger, sang wif original tune, oni wnana inject her own voice n feel. huh? how good she think she is?? in end, 1 judge comemnted, her "purposely-broke-up-line" was "so unnatural" it din go well in the ears.
1 ger who i like, kelly, she did well once again. well done!! i'll support u spiritually. after some recordign company proved ur talent to be worth my money, i'll buy ur cDs. she sang "ke ai de mei gui hua". n designed some steps. haha, when i saw the steps, i felt "wah, act cute!!" i tuned away haha. den later, ye pei fen oso say she IS cute. hehe, not bad siazz, even mi, a gay, found her appealing. hehe, she made mi turn my eyes, when she sang amei's "open ur eyes".
the last ger, ahha, no good comments from mi at all. i finalyl realise something. this is realised from wat the judges said. thsoe singers who kept winning the rounds simply by having popular votes, if u dun buck up, wif oni those votes, u have to just keep on singing, n bear wif the -ve comments judges have on u. cos u r not good enuff to make it till there, but u have the votes t support u. know wat? the judges keep saying "like i have said b4..." "u still did not take note of ur....." if they dun ever improve, but the votes kept pushing them to the next round, she jus have to keep putting up wif the comments, or rahter critics liao loh.
personal comments, she sang ai shen. e start, got 2 HIGH notes. 1 higher than other. first 1 high enuff. 2nd 1, worse. i not even sure if she can hit the notes. she did it, with screeches. and it's twice. if she got falsetto, i rather she try them. last part, she seeem to lose the notes, or perhaps, cant reach the notes properly, end up off key.
til now, 2 gers have shown talents. i guess now, i .... arghzz, dunno, had wanna catch it, but my studies is stil priority. now sat, still got male singer to catch. jus now, show the mv for a new song they re-sang. dong tian li de yi ba huo. ahah, other than jason n blind, other 2, i have prob differentiating them!! look so similar, but wei jian, is acting cute lah. haha. really act cute to mi, in a gd way :).
n, as i mentioned, i jus registered for exam, n preparing still for web component, at this pt, i somehow self pressure. stil doing prac at tis hr, den exam is 2 wk (13aug) i somehwo got pressure. although diff exam (not e 1 is doing prac for), but i still feel it. haha. gd or bad? dunno. but i know the 13aug exam, i shld have no prob, shld b mere revising for mi, cos i still know a lot of thigns. got a GOOD n SOLID foundation in poly. jus some seldom use stuff, need to know again.
den was watching ch U superstar. haha, sometimes, ppl jus know how to criticise from the audio/voice effect, when they themselves dun sing well enuff LOL - referring to myself.
1 ger sang kang ding qing ge. seem like amei version. cos i oni know amei re-sang it. not bad. high enuff, and daring enuff to reach high notes.
1 ger sang wo zhi zai hu ni. i was stunned. it's such a POPULAR n OLDI. she dare to sing it??? my jaw simply dropped. true enuff, she din pull it off well. even in some hk/china performance sometime back when hk went back to china, sammi SYZ oso sang wif faster rhythm to get rid of the old feel. oni Talent Na Ying sang wif original tune wif a new voice. but this ger, sang wif original tune, oni wnana inject her own voice n feel. huh? how good she think she is?? in end, 1 judge comemnted, her "purposely-broke-up-line" was "so unnatural" it din go well in the ears.
1 ger who i like, kelly, she did well once again. well done!! i'll support u spiritually. after some recordign company proved ur talent to be worth my money, i'll buy ur cDs. she sang "ke ai de mei gui hua". n designed some steps. haha, when i saw the steps, i felt "wah, act cute!!" i tuned away haha. den later, ye pei fen oso say she IS cute. hehe, not bad siazz, even mi, a gay, found her appealing. hehe, she made mi turn my eyes, when she sang amei's "open ur eyes".
the last ger, ahha, no good comments from mi at all. i finalyl realise something. this is realised from wat the judges said. thsoe singers who kept winning the rounds simply by having popular votes, if u dun buck up, wif oni those votes, u have to just keep on singing, n bear wif the -ve comments judges have on u. cos u r not good enuff to make it till there, but u have the votes t support u. know wat? the judges keep saying "like i have said b4..." "u still did not take note of ur....." if they dun ever improve, but the votes kept pushing them to the next round, she jus have to keep putting up wif the comments, or rahter critics liao loh.
personal comments, she sang ai shen. e start, got 2 HIGH notes. 1 higher than other. first 1 high enuff. 2nd 1, worse. i not even sure if she can hit the notes. she did it, with screeches. and it's twice. if she got falsetto, i rather she try them. last part, she seeem to lose the notes, or perhaps, cant reach the notes properly, end up off key.
til now, 2 gers have shown talents. i guess now, i .... arghzz, dunno, had wanna catch it, but my studies is stil priority. now sat, still got male singer to catch. jus now, show the mv for a new song they re-sang. dong tian li de yi ba huo. ahah, other than jason n blind, other 2, i have prob differentiating them!! look so similar, but wei jian, is acting cute lah. haha. really act cute to mi, in a gd way :).
n, as i mentioned, i jus registered for exam, n preparing still for web component, at this pt, i somehow self pressure. stil doing prac at tis hr, den exam is 2 wk (13aug) i somehwo got pressure. although diff exam (not e 1 is doing prac for), but i still feel it. haha. gd or bad? dunno. but i know the 13aug exam, i shld have no prob, shld b mere revising for mi, cos i still know a lot of thigns. got a GOOD n SOLID foundation in poly. jus some seldom use stuff, need to know again.
hey gal, nowadays, u can reply on my blog again liao lah, since i n my boi dun tok so much on blog anymore. n come on, for a long time, i've not had written much on sexual life.
nope, i dinno u dun take prawns. i never had a chance to taste those "good food". perhaps 'cos i was too afraid to try new things tat time. heard abt drunken prawns, where they soak in alcohol, n peel open their shells when they dead drunk. i din think much of these. but tat day, i really saw how horrible it's. now, perhaps i'm affected, but still not sure yet. i may turn vegan in time to come due to the "live show". but i wonder how do they die in the first place? humane way, or....
nope, i dinno u dun take prawns. i never had a chance to taste those "good food". perhaps 'cos i was too afraid to try new things tat time. heard abt drunken prawns, where they soak in alcohol, n peel open their shells when they dead drunk. i din think much of these. but tat day, i really saw how horrible it's. now, perhaps i'm affected, but still not sure yet. i may turn vegan in time to come due to the "live show". but i wonder how do they die in the first place? humane way, or....
for a long time, i din check visit logs liao, dun even know the hell if any1 visiting my blog at all. will i sound ego if i say "wonder if a blog at this time will surprise my audience/visitors". or shld i say, "some of u may be surprise tat i blog at tis hr".
well, somehow planned on monday/tues tat i'll b on mc today liao, so u guys know wat's going on huh? somehow stressed by prepz of java exam, n been getting moody after work. cos my routine is, wake up, prep for work, read java bk on way to work, b in happy mood to start work, den KO, read bk on way back home, eat dinner, do java pracs, watch TV news, do pracs again. this routine is getting mi stressed...
anyway, jus now i went to borrow books for my java:
but sad, the watson at my place close liao... sighzz, my mall is really changing a lot.. very fast... but is this good? cos, if turover rate high, mean no biz can stay long.
well, somehow planned on monday/tues tat i'll b on mc today liao, so u guys know wat's going on huh? somehow stressed by prepz of java exam, n been getting moody after work. cos my routine is, wake up, prep for work, read java bk on way to work, b in happy mood to start work, den KO, read bk on way back home, eat dinner, do java pracs, watch TV news, do pracs again. this routine is getting mi stressed...
anyway, jus now i went to borrow books for my java:
Sun Certified Programmer & Developer forhaha, i thot i cant find it after searching 2 shelves, den had wanna ask the librarian to help mi find, if cant, make a big fuss. den 3rd shelf, i found a bk whcih look similar, beside it, i foudn my book!!!!!!!! i can read my first exam liaoz!!!!!!!!!!!
Java 2 Study Guide (Exam 310-035 & 310-027)
by Kathy Sierra, Bert Bates
but sad, the watson at my place close liao... sighzz, my mall is really changing a lot.. very fast... but is this good? cos, if turover rate high, mean no biz can stay long.
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
i guess i blog a lot when i under stress... or bored. jus now, wanna cook chu qian yi ding. den was washing the pot, suddenly saw.. i think 3 baby cockroach suddenly emerge from nowhere in the basin. haha, my boi's beloved frn certainly will scream at it. but mi, i saw 2 escape from my sight liao. 1 stuck at the basin, trying to escape but 2 steep n slippery. i went to take some papers from ym room to pick it up, but it 2 scared to board it. kauz, trie dfo few mins. decided to jus dry up the surface so it can climb. but, aiyo, really too steep, cant make it. den i tried my best to get it on the paper... phew, finalyl got it. i den threw.. or rather let the paper drift downstairs... shld b no water bah, e plc it land on. later, oso no wish to cook liao... haha, no wish to eat liao. now nibbling dried stuff. but now, i thinking, were the 2 his family? right now, i drifted it down, are they separated? damn it, anyway i have no way of letting it onto the basin again. it's 2 scared to move while on paper... hope it's alright, and living :)
sleep liao.. i got 5 more pracs to go for my java, 2 more lecs to read up. arghzz, frankly speaking, i really din expect aug to come so fast. yes, my bday near aug, but i jus... passed it n din, even in my subconscious mind, i know bday near aug, but somehow jus din realise after tat, it's gonna b aug liao. kauzz, time pass fast siazz.. hopefully can celebrate 3rd mth in a happy mood, not stressed.
sleep liao.. i got 5 more pracs to go for my java, 2 more lecs to read up. arghzz, frankly speaking, i really din expect aug to come so fast. yes, my bday near aug, but i jus... passed it n din, even in my subconscious mind, i know bday near aug, but somehow jus din realise after tat, it's gonna b aug liao. kauzz, time pass fast siazz.. hopefully can celebrate 3rd mth in a happy mood, not stressed.
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
sighzz.. recently got ... ok not tat recent, got the gambling den issue. den later got NKF issue. den now, no news liao. suddenly, got rule say cannot smoke at some areas... LOL. i think most ppl understand why is there such conflict: alow sale of cig, but keep on minimising the smoking area. LOL... jus like another gay conflict. gay can work in singapore, but their sex acts r illegal. we buy food, but not allowed to eat. sighz, when did my world become such a conflicting place??
sometimes, really gotta take my hat off my sis. we went to suntec there for bfast timsum. the service lvl dropped. n the food std oso. den when we paid the bill, she ask the cashier if the chef changed. cashier say "when was ur last time here?" "2 mths" "no, din change" etc...
somehow i feel tat the cashier is lying. i asked sis. she say cashier shld not b lying, but the chef did change. if not, cashier wun ask when did we last go there... wah.. din think of tat...
somehow i feel tat the cashier is lying. i asked sis. she say cashier shld not b lying, but the chef did change. if not, cashier wun ask when did we last go there... wah.. din think of tat...
Monday, August 01, 2005
i think i muz be GRATEFUL to my parents, body structure, meta rate. cos i realise tat, when i fully/totally stressed (by my java n monash), i really sing to relax. sang ting hai, ai he cheng nuo, yi ge ren de wo yi ran hui wei siao (on purpose spell wrong), some others. din sing the full song, but jus parts of it. think of wat song, sing wat song. den i oso keep nibbling on the "dried fish fillet" (dried n sliced cuttlefish). bochap whether i hungry or not, jus wanna relax n b steady. later may take supper even. thankfully, i nio need to care abt whether my fig go haywire anot... ;)
Sunday, July 31, 2005
den, got 1 night, i my boi n his frn at city area 7-11 there. we were at mag area browsing mags. den 1 guy wif helmet bring his ger in, say "wan buy this right? excuse!" at us, n uses his arm to push us aside. i promptly responded wif "someone ppl are jus so no manners". my boi ask mi to "shh".. later, i saw them looking at titbits. know wat? later hor, i got scared. scared tat those couple later find their gang to wallop us hahah... tat as we left 7-11, i kept looking back to see if any1 is folowing us strangely.. haha... so drama... ain't i imaginative? or.. hehe, perhaps i shld know the situation first b4 i blurt. =)
for a long time, din blog liao, n din check my visits' log.
anyway, hope can do a quick re-cap. on monday, mum's bday. BIG DAY! was ready to celebrate it. but later mum say, no 1 confirm anything, n was abt to cancel it. sis call mi to ask if bro caused it, as he's not free. ok, she added "jus cos he not free, den dun celebrate anything?". so i called mum to enquire. heeh, i spurred her off, n in end, i made the arrangement wif mum, sis n dad to bring us to seafood restaurant!!! ME!! ahah, feel quite good tat i managed to coordinate them haha.
but hor, GOSH, the seafood is live animals. i see them, n we are supposed to choose which we wan. i was struggling within mi. why am i carnivore? i hate to see myself eating these aniamls, causing their deaths. but then, if they're already dead, i feel better. u see, if i choose to eat 1 dish, 1 of them will be killed right on the spot to satisfy my hunger. i din even dare go up and look at them, i stayed behind my family. i feel so terrible. i almost wanna cry. wat's more, later, when we wanna the prawns, the person went to catch it. know wat?
she put the net in, the prawns were all resting n swimming around, and later all JUMPED away from the net. but 2 bad, din manage to escape from the net. i even thot, shld i smash all the tanks so tat they can escape? i think i dun dare eat anymore live seafood... prefer them dead b4 i see them.
den my boi celebrated my bday, n got greetings from some ppl heheh. over these times, i kinda realised more abt myself when it comes to relns, so i "came out" to my boi. well, perhaps due to some invisible wall tat is blocking my emotions frm flowing out? or some self defence due to failed relns?
when my boi celebrated my day, hhe, i was pretty happy :) din really expect him to buy mp3 player for mi, cos my life was kinda... set to not need it. cos it wasn't on my list of MUZ haves, i was happy, not excited :) hehe, ya it sounded a bit cold lah, but in front of my boi, why i wan hide my true feel and show .... well :) but the thing is tat, he tricked mi1!!! he din take the mp3 out from the packaged set, n wanna mi to feel n guess wat it's, while it's inside paper bag. WAH YOZZ... in the end, i guess "mirror" and soem other things. heheh. bue teo.
den went to my buffet dinner at jap restaurant. hehe, quite ex... n he hor, made a joke/fool out of us siazz...
nowadays my monash start liao, n java i MUZ pass exam by end aug. so damn stress. n java is a crash course wif (i blif) certified instructors. and they teach everything so much so fast (14 chaps) in 5 days! wha liao, so fast, so stress. den saturday i went to take monash course, wah yoz, suddenly not used to the speed of the 3 mths course. slow steady not QA from the instrcutors.
den after class, i was like a kid (or perhaps birdling) waitign to see my ... loved one / mum. rushed down by foot to meet him up haha, wah liao, so many ppl there, so i ask my boi to meet mi outside. ok lah, i originally really planned to jus msg him if he wanna mi go along. if not, i go home do java. since he need, i willing be there for him. but really din expect to b home oni by 240am.
ahha, got some jokes again. a wingless crow walking from 1 side of the bush to another. and crow masturbating wif his feather LOL. these 2 jokes made us luff till boi's kakis all come to find out wat's wrong siazz...
but after 1 wk, jus wanna say, if u wan ur frns to live well n do well in relns, pls DUN TEACH HIM WAT TO DO. he's not ur servant who lives by ur orders. u may think u know wat's happening in the background n to him, but, as the lines started, u MAY. this is assuming, assumption. n dun backstab oso. if u got any bad impression of a frn, provided u take him as a frn in the first place, why nto jus sort it out, instead of assuming wat he did n giving the wrong advice, by thinking of a certain way of how tat frn did things.
u may think u know wat's best for him, but u are NOT him, how can u b so sure? When it comes to mattyers of the heart, only the parties involved know wat;s happening. Others can only listen, and advise, but shld NEVER NEVER NEVER (damn, i almost wnana repeat 5 times) ask him to follow.
anyway, hope can do a quick re-cap. on monday, mum's bday. BIG DAY! was ready to celebrate it. but later mum say, no 1 confirm anything, n was abt to cancel it. sis call mi to ask if bro caused it, as he's not free. ok, she added "jus cos he not free, den dun celebrate anything?". so i called mum to enquire. heeh, i spurred her off, n in end, i made the arrangement wif mum, sis n dad to bring us to seafood restaurant!!! ME!! ahah, feel quite good tat i managed to coordinate them haha.
but hor, GOSH, the seafood is live animals. i see them, n we are supposed to choose which we wan. i was struggling within mi. why am i carnivore? i hate to see myself eating these aniamls, causing their deaths. but then, if they're already dead, i feel better. u see, if i choose to eat 1 dish, 1 of them will be killed right on the spot to satisfy my hunger. i din even dare go up and look at them, i stayed behind my family. i feel so terrible. i almost wanna cry. wat's more, later, when we wanna the prawns, the person went to catch it. know wat?
she put the net in, the prawns were all resting n swimming around, and later all JUMPED away from the net. but 2 bad, din manage to escape from the net. i even thot, shld i smash all the tanks so tat they can escape? i think i dun dare eat anymore live seafood... prefer them dead b4 i see them.
den my boi celebrated my bday, n got greetings from some ppl heheh. over these times, i kinda realised more abt myself when it comes to relns, so i "came out" to my boi. well, perhaps due to some invisible wall tat is blocking my emotions frm flowing out? or some self defence due to failed relns?
when my boi celebrated my day, hhe, i was pretty happy :) din really expect him to buy mp3 player for mi, cos my life was kinda... set to not need it. cos it wasn't on my list of MUZ haves, i was happy, not excited :) hehe, ya it sounded a bit cold lah, but in front of my boi, why i wan hide my true feel and show .... well :) but the thing is tat, he tricked mi1!!! he din take the mp3 out from the packaged set, n wanna mi to feel n guess wat it's, while it's inside paper bag. WAH YOZZ... in the end, i guess "mirror" and soem other things. heheh. bue teo.
den went to my buffet dinner at jap restaurant. hehe, quite ex... n he hor, made a joke/fool out of us siazz...
nowadays my monash start liao, n java i MUZ pass exam by end aug. so damn stress. n java is a crash course wif (i blif) certified instructors. and they teach everything so much so fast (14 chaps) in 5 days! wha liao, so fast, so stress. den saturday i went to take monash course, wah yoz, suddenly not used to the speed of the 3 mths course. slow steady not QA from the instrcutors.
den after class, i was like a kid (or perhaps birdling) waitign to see my ... loved one / mum. rushed down by foot to meet him up haha, wah liao, so many ppl there, so i ask my boi to meet mi outside. ok lah, i originally really planned to jus msg him if he wanna mi go along. if not, i go home do java. since he need, i willing be there for him. but really din expect to b home oni by 240am.
ahha, got some jokes again. a wingless crow walking from 1 side of the bush to another. and crow masturbating wif his feather LOL. these 2 jokes made us luff till boi's kakis all come to find out wat's wrong siazz...
but after 1 wk, jus wanna say, if u wan ur frns to live well n do well in relns, pls DUN TEACH HIM WAT TO DO. he's not ur servant who lives by ur orders. u may think u know wat's happening in the background n to him, but, as the lines started, u MAY. this is assuming, assumption. n dun backstab oso. if u got any bad impression of a frn, provided u take him as a frn in the first place, why nto jus sort it out, instead of assuming wat he did n giving the wrong advice, by thinking of a certain way of how tat frn did things.
u may think u know wat's best for him, but u are NOT him, how can u b so sure? When it comes to mattyers of the heart, only the parties involved know wat;s happening. Others can only listen, and advise, but shld NEVER NEVER NEVER (damn, i almost wnana repeat 5 times) ask him to follow.
Sunday, July 24, 2005
ehhe, do i sound sick if i describe my co-habitation wif a spider? LOL, or will my boi be jealous? =P nowadays, the spider cleverer liao. it hides under the cupboard door, thinking those insects saw it, tat why nvr fall into its web. ahah, aiyozz, i wonder if it'll ever leave, cos my place got no flies!!! at most those stinging creature whcih can cause a bump on ur skin, making u itch itch itch. i even scared it go hungry siazz tat it starve. but given its 1 mm body size, i think it dun need to keep eating. but its meal leh, how? ..............
jus wanna blog it. went to zpop there, cool. the waiting wasn't cool, but the end result was DEF'ly WORTH IT!! saw my dear amei!!! but somehwo, i think she really put on a bit wt, thus wear black. wah liao, if not for the award presentation, she can come out much earlier. was so damn excited to see her... my excitement grew with the period of time she din appear in public events.. LOL
n, finalyl met my sick boi....... really felt like sayang him. finally, i realised tat some frns may not b tat true wif wat they say n wat in their mind. sighz. n when i saw my boi, felt like i've never seen him for decades..... den on the way there, got some caucasian ask for directions. strange, they ask my frns, who cant give proper ans, end up i ans for him, n hor, wah, i think i spoke too fast. but at least, nowadays i managed to speak proper english. no stuttering. but i still need to slow down.
watching news now. i wonder these days, how many singaporeans can speak proper english and chinese. there was a time, when singaporeans spoke dialects. den chinese. now english is in thing. or rather, singlish among younger generation of singaporeans? but right now, who can speak a proper line of each language, without adding salt and pepper of another? proper lang means those used in news reports, where got no "lahs" "leh" "wah liao" "like dat oso can" "paiseh" "bobian" "bay tah han". i used to b so damn good in chiense. (i din bother to correct the spelling for "Chinese", but i dun mean any pun). but no chance to practise n follow the trend, end up my chinese oso going down the drain.
sometimes, proverbs take time to flash in my mind. n being in helpdesk, i often need to sound frnly n lower my level of eng proficiency tat, i tend to speak proper english. but come to think of it, if i use proper english, it carries no friendly tone. frnly in the sense of native (loca) lang. If I write proper English in my blog, I sound proper but not accustomed to local way of living. hehe...
n, finalyl met my sick boi....... really felt like sayang him. finally, i realised tat some frns may not b tat true wif wat they say n wat in their mind. sighz. n when i saw my boi, felt like i've never seen him for decades..... den on the way there, got some caucasian ask for directions. strange, they ask my frns, who cant give proper ans, end up i ans for him, n hor, wah, i think i spoke too fast. but at least, nowadays i managed to speak proper english. no stuttering. but i still need to slow down.
watching news now. i wonder these days, how many singaporeans can speak proper english and chinese. there was a time, when singaporeans spoke dialects. den chinese. now english is in thing. or rather, singlish among younger generation of singaporeans? but right now, who can speak a proper line of each language, without adding salt and pepper of another? proper lang means those used in news reports, where got no "lahs" "leh" "wah liao" "like dat oso can" "paiseh" "bobian" "bay tah han". i used to b so damn good in chiense. (i din bother to correct the spelling for "Chinese", but i dun mean any pun). but no chance to practise n follow the trend, end up my chinese oso going down the drain.
sometimes, proverbs take time to flash in my mind. n being in helpdesk, i often need to sound frnly n lower my level of eng proficiency tat, i tend to speak proper english. but come to think of it, if i use proper english, it carries no friendly tone. frnly in the sense of native (loca) lang. If I write proper English in my blog, I sound proper but not accustomed to local way of living. hehe...
Saturday, July 23, 2005
am i blogging many new posts today??
watching ch u Guess show. wow, i'm really touched to tears by wat the guy is doing. the story is, a youngster couple is on the verge of breakup. the guy appear on TV, seeking help to salvage it. the guy, on tv, called the ger up to chat, ask 2 concerned qns, n the ger jus hung up. sad. the tv ppl know tat the ger had wanna the guy play guitar (wah, the scene came to my mind, eyes watery) n send her flowers, but guy nvr did tat. the guy 10 yrs (my guess) din touch guitar liao.
den the tv ppl arrange the guy to attend 1 day or few hrs guitar crash course. the guy den went to meet the ger. gave her flowers. she say in avg tone n face "now den give, not 2 late meh?". took the ger walk around. den the guy need to leave for toilet. the ger waited in open space in busy area.
the next moment, the guy actually appeared on the public screen in the open space, right in front of the ger! like, the music screen opposite somerset ocbc screen like dat. the guy appear on teh screen n was sitting down n apologising. the ger zat teo, n touched n surprised by his words: i'm sorry, n wanna play guitar for u". wah liao, such public apology is definitely a lethal weapon siazz... as the guy appear on screen, i was controling my tears oredi. i cant put into words why this is happening, cos i know it's damn touching.
watch it... on the right side link.
watching ch u Guess show. wow, i'm really touched to tears by wat the guy is doing. the story is, a youngster couple is on the verge of breakup. the guy appear on TV, seeking help to salvage it. the guy, on tv, called the ger up to chat, ask 2 concerned qns, n the ger jus hung up. sad. the tv ppl know tat the ger had wanna the guy play guitar (wah, the scene came to my mind, eyes watery) n send her flowers, but guy nvr did tat. the guy 10 yrs (my guess) din touch guitar liao.
den the tv ppl arrange the guy to attend 1 day or few hrs guitar crash course. the guy den went to meet the ger. gave her flowers. she say in avg tone n face "now den give, not 2 late meh?". took the ger walk around. den the guy need to leave for toilet. the ger waited in open space in busy area.
the next moment, the guy actually appeared on the public screen in the open space, right in front of the ger! like, the music screen opposite somerset ocbc screen like dat. the guy appear on teh screen n was sitting down n apologising. the ger zat teo, n touched n surprised by his words: i'm sorry, n wanna play guitar for u". wah liao, such public apology is definitely a lethal weapon siazz... as the guy appear on screen, i was controling my tears oredi. i cant put into words why this is happening, cos i know it's damn touching.
watch it... on the right side link.
Friday, July 22, 2005
wow, quite happy tat got someone faithfully visit my blog continuously for months... hehe, thx for tat :) n din realise by searching for my nick, can get my boi's blog oso, and even find a theme i created for adam...
adam chen's t630 theme
tmr amei coming for "mini-concert". these days, been feeling empty inside. dunno, maybe stayed home for too long? or simply 2 stressed by java to start anything? my reln at work getting better. n the fat sup, sometimes, his words really hold no credibility. got 1 time, when either on way home or work, i sitting inside, a working lady sitting beside mi. i was yawning facing the window, a few times in a row, den the ger kept moving abt, adjusting herself, den 1 time, jus after i yawned, i noticed she even covered her nostrils.
wah liao, i den thot, i nvr knew yawning, in a/c bus, towards the window, can push my breath to opposite the windows siazz. haha, if got ppl wif mi, i dun mind saying it out.
adam chen's t630 theme
tmr amei coming for "mini-concert". these days, been feeling empty inside. dunno, maybe stayed home for too long? or simply 2 stressed by java to start anything? my reln at work getting better. n the fat sup, sometimes, his words really hold no credibility. got 1 time, when either on way home or work, i sitting inside, a working lady sitting beside mi. i was yawning facing the window, a few times in a row, den the ger kept moving abt, adjusting herself, den 1 time, jus after i yawned, i noticed she even covered her nostrils.
wah liao, i den thot, i nvr knew yawning, in a/c bus, towards the window, can push my breath to opposite the windows siazz. haha, if got ppl wif mi, i dun mind saying it out.
Thursday, July 21, 2005
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I MADE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
MY JAVA CNA BE INSTALLLED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THX TO A DEVELOPER FROM MY OFFICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ORIGINALLY, my tomcat cannot detect where on earth is the jdk compiler installed, n keep thinking it's the location of jre. i oso blur blur n go install. den everytime i wanna start tomcat, it cannot find the location of jdk. i somehow realised tat it cannot detect java_home n wanna set it. but it jus dun accept. i even changed the env var, but no use. hehe, today know from my dev abt how to set. i den set it, removed tomcat n put in again. voila! gotcha! it found the jdk location!!!!! WOW!!!!!!!!!!
*ngek negk ngek ngek ngek ngek ngek ngek ngek ngek ngek ngek ngek*
i cna use java luh!!!!!!!!!!!11 everyday go work, can read java theory, get home n work on my pracs!!!!!!!! YYA!!!!!!!!!!!
I MADE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
MY JAVA CNA BE INSTALLLED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THX TO A DEVELOPER FROM MY OFFICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ORIGINALLY, my tomcat cannot detect where on earth is the jdk compiler installed, n keep thinking it's the location of jre. i oso blur blur n go install. den everytime i wanna start tomcat, it cannot find the location of jdk. i somehow realised tat it cannot detect java_home n wanna set it. but it jus dun accept. i even changed the env var, but no use. hehe, today know from my dev abt how to set. i den set it, removed tomcat n put in again. voila! gotcha! it found the jdk location!!!!! WOW!!!!!!!!!!
*ngek negk ngek ngek ngek ngek ngek ngek ngek ngek ngek ngek ngek*
i cna use java luh!!!!!!!!!!!11 everyday go work, can read java theory, get home n work on my pracs!!!!!!!! YYA!!!!!!!!!!!
sianz, my java still not working. guess muz slog to make it work..................
wah liao, cant blif, these days still got ppl tok abt nkf.. well, maj opinion is, nkf ceo shld not earn tat much. although u ceo, but u in charity org, where ppl donate to help, where u earn by wat ppl donate. u earn so much, how much donation u get from ppl? how much % is tat of the donation? on other hand, ppl keep saying, it's abt e balance between a person who manages $mil n wat he earns.
well, 2 bad, in public eyes, someone who is manning a charity shld not earn tat much. ehhe, any1 wanna check how much mingyi rev is getting?
den on bus, wah liao, auntie seem so fazed over a BOY siazz. on e bus, she was.. a .. seemingly china auntie lah, i sitting behidn e boy. wah the auntie, put 1 hand on the seat rail in front of the boy, n 1 hand behind him. behidn him e hand, she was putting her whole arm on the rail! machiam pushing her breast to force the boy touch her, so she can reach orgaz siazz. if i wif a frn, i sure will tok loudly abt it, n make her paiseh.
but since when have i been so bitchy?? kena influence ah? umm, ehhe, see first. arghzzzzzzz damn java.
wah liao, cant blif, these days still got ppl tok abt nkf.. well, maj opinion is, nkf ceo shld not earn tat much. although u ceo, but u in charity org, where ppl donate to help, where u earn by wat ppl donate. u earn so much, how much donation u get from ppl? how much % is tat of the donation? on other hand, ppl keep saying, it's abt e balance between a person who manages $mil n wat he earns.
well, 2 bad, in public eyes, someone who is manning a charity shld not earn tat much. ehhe, any1 wanna check how much mingyi rev is getting?
den on bus, wah liao, auntie seem so fazed over a BOY siazz. on e bus, she was.. a .. seemingly china auntie lah, i sitting behidn e boy. wah the auntie, put 1 hand on the seat rail in front of the boy, n 1 hand behind him. behidn him e hand, she was putting her whole arm on the rail! machiam pushing her breast to force the boy touch her, so she can reach orgaz siazz. if i wif a frn, i sure will tok loudly abt it, n make her paiseh.
but since when have i been so bitchy?? kena influence ah? umm, ehhe, see first. arghzzzzzzz damn java.
Monday, July 18, 2005
today is a totally messed up day. on sunday, no matter where i go, i keep knocking onto thigns. den dinner is... i jus dun enjoy it. when i got home, a frn sending mi a video. i stayed up till 12am+ waiting for it. n so i dozed off on bed. woke at 4am. ligths on. i dun wanna wake late ,so i slept on wif my specs. din switch off lights oso.
den at work, everythign looked fine. until, work really stress, n the jnr wah liao.. again in her syle, n i jus sarc to her. she was slightly pissed. will find a chance to tok to her. n a guy in my office seem to know abt mi, cos he saw mi wif my boi. today he joked tat his computer is outta bounds to gay. i jus joked abt it. den jus as i abt ot leave, the beng guy came in. n we left the office at same time. cos we going same direction in comp bldg, he lightly chatted up wif mi. den after entering toilet, he totally ignored mi liao..
den later, i waiting for my bus to come, wah kauz, an elderly lady (gray hair, semi office wear) started to take note of mi, n keep looking my way. i saw it. den walked to the front. mins later, she followed. den on the bus, i kept wanting to sleep, cant read my bk at all. it's the same when i on way to work.
when i got to family, even WORSE. ok, my bro is sick, maybe allergy or wat. den thsi dinner, oni cook crry chiken, egg beancurd wif mincemeat + some bean sprout loko alike, n vege + shrimp. i took rice n chiken. ask mum wat's the looklike thing. she say it's cook wif "somethign something" loh. i'm PISSED. i asked further, frowning n staring at her. she paused for 5 secs, n ans "some thign like bean sprouts". tat TURNed mi OFF. wat kinad meal she expect mi to have??? wat did she intend to let mi eat???? in end, i finsihed the meat n potato in my bowl, soem rice, n swept the rest of the rice (wif currey) into the chute. i jus left house. it's the shortest time ever i stayed "home for dinner".
anyway, decided tat i wun eat at home for tis wk liao. muz buck up my java, n dun slag jus cos got 1 mod gone. dun care wat my mum may think. den when i went to buy nasi for dine, wah liao, same dish cost mi 30c more this time round. serve them RIGHT for not having any cust!
gosh, a day of bad luck. not forgetting my boi who has fallen ill, till he need to go hops for chekcup. if someone's ill for a wk, first few days die die dun wan see doc. later take some cof mixture till sunday dun feel well, den monday (today) need to go hosp checkup. how will u feel? if ur sick period usually need u to go hosp checkup cos u nromally dun scik 1, i ok. but then, if u RARELY sick, n this time end up in hosp, how do u expect someoen who CARE LOVE n HAVE U IN HIS MIND feel abt this period?
den at work, everythign looked fine. until, work really stress, n the jnr wah liao.. again in her syle, n i jus sarc to her. she was slightly pissed. will find a chance to tok to her. n a guy in my office seem to know abt mi, cos he saw mi wif my boi. today he joked tat his computer is outta bounds to gay. i jus joked abt it. den jus as i abt ot leave, the beng guy came in. n we left the office at same time. cos we going same direction in comp bldg, he lightly chatted up wif mi. den after entering toilet, he totally ignored mi liao..
den later, i waiting for my bus to come, wah kauz, an elderly lady (gray hair, semi office wear) started to take note of mi, n keep looking my way. i saw it. den walked to the front. mins later, she followed. den on the bus, i kept wanting to sleep, cant read my bk at all. it's the same when i on way to work.
when i got to family, even WORSE. ok, my bro is sick, maybe allergy or wat. den thsi dinner, oni cook crry chiken, egg beancurd wif mincemeat + some bean sprout loko alike, n vege + shrimp. i took rice n chiken. ask mum wat's the looklike thing. she say it's cook wif "somethign something" loh. i'm PISSED. i asked further, frowning n staring at her. she paused for 5 secs, n ans "some thign like bean sprouts". tat TURNed mi OFF. wat kinad meal she expect mi to have??? wat did she intend to let mi eat???? in end, i finsihed the meat n potato in my bowl, soem rice, n swept the rest of the rice (wif currey) into the chute. i jus left house. it's the shortest time ever i stayed "home for dinner".
anyway, decided tat i wun eat at home for tis wk liao. muz buck up my java, n dun slag jus cos got 1 mod gone. dun care wat my mum may think. den when i went to buy nasi for dine, wah liao, same dish cost mi 30c more this time round. serve them RIGHT for not having any cust!
gosh, a day of bad luck. not forgetting my boi who has fallen ill, till he need to go hops for chekcup. if someone's ill for a wk, first few days die die dun wan see doc. later take some cof mixture till sunday dun feel well, den monday (today) need to go hosp checkup. how will u feel? if ur sick period usually need u to go hosp checkup cos u nromally dun scik 1, i ok. but then, if u RARELY sick, n this time end up in hosp, how do u expect someoen who CARE LOVE n HAVE U IN HIS MIND feel abt this period?
Sunday, July 17, 2005
watching ChU now. yes, i simply cant focus in getting my java servlet thigns working.
they are toking abt youngsters taking their lives lightly these days. but upon hearing how the hosts n ppl tok, i wonder if they really understand the thinking of the possible victims. hwo to udnerstand, if they never had suicidal thots?
it's akin to saying a guy or a single lady saying they understand hwo painful it's to give birth. but how do they know? by tv? by mag? or frns? oni those who have been thru it will really know, and UNDERSTAND will hold some facts.
so, do these ppl know wat went on in the minds of potential vics? for mi, (my boi, it's the past liao, so dun worry abt mi, cos i will b writing soemthing sad), i am an introvert. being introvert, i keep things to myself. watever problem i have, i dun say at all. i dun wan my family to look down on mi. maybe cos my parents low EQ, or they 2 busy to tend to mi, so i grew up by myself, n am VERY quiet.
in ns, to myself, i led a miserable life. ns is a place full of shit, autocraticism, power hungry ppl. once superrior say soemthing, it's LAW n ORDER n MUS b done. it's almost like jail to mi. plus, i'm introvert, cannt find ppl to tok to. there's 1 time, i stay in bunk, i was thinking abt dying. to escape from ns. shld i cut my wrist? shld i jump down? i'm medic, so shld i inject myslf n let blood flow out? or since i got access to panadol, n gdrugs, maybe i can swallow them all n sleep till i wake up in hell-knows-where. i nvr tell any1 else.
i was oredi on the verge of executing it. i'm jus waitingf or myself to cool dwon n go ahead. but somehow, i received an sms from my mum, i frogot the contents. but tat pt, i felt my mum stil lcared for mi. i immediately felt there is still at least someone who is out there waitinf n caring for mi.
den, antoher time, is a breakup. i also din tell anyone, cos i'm gay. none of my frns know it then, the break. tat time, i jus stayed home, stared into blank. din tok at all. my mum walked past mi, told mi as a passing remark: if u hve anything, jus say it out.
she knows i'm not a person who openly tok abt my life, experiences. so she gave mi the choice to tok. i guess if nothing of these consolations happened, i won't b here anymore. having say all these, my impression is tat, whenever someone feel extrem down, thre must b some signs of suicidal. the person may stil apepar chirrpy, but if u take note, he still is somehow emotionally disturbed.
too bad, these days, ppl r too busy to perhaps take note. winter may be arriving at some people's hearts. i oso rmb, there 1 time, i took cab wif a transvestite. she commented tat, i din have the courage to commit S. i din agree. i'm brave enuff to live on and face the prblem tat rose. so tat my ppl wun b affected.
which is braver? Leaving ur loved ones sad, or facing the fact?
oh, well, I'M HAVIGN PROBLEM GETTING MY JAVA TO WROK!!!
they are toking abt youngsters taking their lives lightly these days. but upon hearing how the hosts n ppl tok, i wonder if they really understand the thinking of the possible victims. hwo to udnerstand, if they never had suicidal thots?
it's akin to saying a guy or a single lady saying they understand hwo painful it's to give birth. but how do they know? by tv? by mag? or frns? oni those who have been thru it will really know, and UNDERSTAND will hold some facts.
so, do these ppl know wat went on in the minds of potential vics? for mi, (my boi, it's the past liao, so dun worry abt mi, cos i will b writing soemthing sad), i am an introvert. being introvert, i keep things to myself. watever problem i have, i dun say at all. i dun wan my family to look down on mi. maybe cos my parents low EQ, or they 2 busy to tend to mi, so i grew up by myself, n am VERY quiet.
in ns, to myself, i led a miserable life. ns is a place full of shit, autocraticism, power hungry ppl. once superrior say soemthing, it's LAW n ORDER n MUS b done. it's almost like jail to mi. plus, i'm introvert, cannt find ppl to tok to. there's 1 time, i stay in bunk, i was thinking abt dying. to escape from ns. shld i cut my wrist? shld i jump down? i'm medic, so shld i inject myslf n let blood flow out? or since i got access to panadol, n gdrugs, maybe i can swallow them all n sleep till i wake up in hell-knows-where. i nvr tell any1 else.
i was oredi on the verge of executing it. i'm jus waitingf or myself to cool dwon n go ahead. but somehow, i received an sms from my mum, i frogot the contents. but tat pt, i felt my mum stil lcared for mi. i immediately felt there is still at least someone who is out there waitinf n caring for mi.
den, antoher time, is a breakup. i also din tell anyone, cos i'm gay. none of my frns know it then, the break. tat time, i jus stayed home, stared into blank. din tok at all. my mum walked past mi, told mi as a passing remark: if u hve anything, jus say it out.
she knows i'm not a person who openly tok abt my life, experiences. so she gave mi the choice to tok. i guess if nothing of these consolations happened, i won't b here anymore. having say all these, my impression is tat, whenever someone feel extrem down, thre must b some signs of suicidal. the person may stil apepar chirrpy, but if u take note, he still is somehow emotionally disturbed.
too bad, these days, ppl r too busy to perhaps take note. winter may be arriving at some people's hearts. i oso rmb, there 1 time, i took cab wif a transvestite. she commented tat, i din have the courage to commit S. i din agree. i'm brave enuff to live on and face the prblem tat rose. so tat my ppl wun b affected.
which is braver? Leaving ur loved ones sad, or facing the fact?
oh, well, I'M HAVIGN PROBLEM GETTING MY JAVA TO WROK!!!
err.. hehe, might as well jus write the rest of my thots.
watched F4 wif my boi. hehe, we really pretty open siazz. in the cinema, cos it's raining n we stayed in the library for hours, den go cinema there got a/c. we both freezing. he dun wan my coat. so in end, we shared it. hehe, well, we in neighbourhood cinema, so.. i din care abt image n jus behaved casually: i folded my legs so tat my whole body is on the seat. so tat my whole body can b covered. i learnt this from the gal. sighz, both he n she really taught mi a lot of things. right now, we all fighting for our better futures.
and cos we both sharing the coat, we appeared REAL close siazz. a boi sitting in front of us, kept looking back n up. haha. den 1 caucasian was in the cinema oso. some malays were making a lil noise jus b4 the show started. he "shhh" a no of times. din help. he den exclaimed "can u ..... ?" i din really rmb wat he say. they quietened down, but still got some noise later on. but stopped in secs. den a fat guy was sittign beside mi. hhaha, maybe he din realise abt us. so when i whispered to my boi if he's getting enuff cover, tat guy changed his posture till his body facing his right side, n looking to the screen LOL. when the show ended, we both were freezing siazz.
well, the show, i surprised tat the storm chris evans was so daring. cos he was naked for almost like 1/20 of the show. he was dashign into a snow hill, resulting in him soaking in the water. naked of cos, but naval butt onwards in water. den nex scene, he was clad oni in towel. n the towel, is not neatly wrapped around, as in covering from waist downards to kneecap or shin. he's jus like getting a towel to simply wrap around the vital parts, wif no intentions to properly wrap the towel. like jus wearing a SHORT brief, covering tat 10cm height. his hand was still holding on to the "knot" area. "knot" cos he was jus grabbing the part where the 2 ends meet, not tying a knot to lock it. i guess he's either wearnig gstring or really nothing inside, since caucasian r OPEN minded, having seen everythign they wanna.
his fig is of cos shiok. n to think he stayed in his "attire" for a whopping 10 mins! any idiot will know he's using sex appeal, n a lto of it. cos i thot the next scene will have him clad properly in clothes. other than tat, everything SUCKS BIG time. no PUN, but jus to emphasize. everything jus wanna rush thru. esp e part when chris is unhappy tat everyone seem so jealous of his pop state. seem so commercial n out of tune wif the mindset of ppl these days. when the fans n every1 is matured.
den today, was watchign the re-cast of superstar. i watched it thurs liao. reallt felt they not doing justice to many songs, n a ger who shld b albe to make it, kena kicked out. 1 ger was singing "brave". ok, i may b biased. but she sing like KTV style siazz!!! wothout the required emotions! gosh! trying to hard to SQUEEZE her feelings into her voice n hittign the notes. pls, if u having problem hitting the notes pro'ly, DUN TRY. if it's intentional, does it actually bring out the soul of the song?
the ch5 idol show, at least the ppl know wat they doing, wif proper music n punches. but tis chU is jus like who is popular, who wins. i cant imagine them belting out such songs. 1 ger sang tao wang, n tried imitating the nasal sounds of SYZ. KAUZ. pls, a star shld have own style n attitude. her "cai zhe yue guang" sounded so SYZ-wannab. but she cant hit the note tat nicely for gods sake! like stuck at a note n wanna use nasal to pull it up. HAVE UR OWN STYLE PLS.
i din notice if idol show got ppl wif vibration, but this star thing, the ppl jlike go KTV like dat, no std at all!! haha, n well, someone who i know who was in fridae, dunno if he still in anot, may have removed his profile siazz LOL. cos he in the competition
watched F4 wif my boi. hehe, we really pretty open siazz. in the cinema, cos it's raining n we stayed in the library for hours, den go cinema there got a/c. we both freezing. he dun wan my coat. so in end, we shared it. hehe, well, we in neighbourhood cinema, so.. i din care abt image n jus behaved casually: i folded my legs so tat my whole body is on the seat. so tat my whole body can b covered. i learnt this from the gal. sighz, both he n she really taught mi a lot of things. right now, we all fighting for our better futures.
and cos we both sharing the coat, we appeared REAL close siazz. a boi sitting in front of us, kept looking back n up. haha. den 1 caucasian was in the cinema oso. some malays were making a lil noise jus b4 the show started. he "shhh" a no of times. din help. he den exclaimed "can u ..... ?" i din really rmb wat he say. they quietened down, but still got some noise later on. but stopped in secs. den a fat guy was sittign beside mi. hhaha, maybe he din realise abt us. so when i whispered to my boi if he's getting enuff cover, tat guy changed his posture till his body facing his right side, n looking to the screen LOL. when the show ended, we both were freezing siazz.
well, the show, i surprised tat the storm chris evans was so daring. cos he was naked for almost like 1/20 of the show. he was dashign into a snow hill, resulting in him soaking in the water. naked of cos, but naval butt onwards in water. den nex scene, he was clad oni in towel. n the towel, is not neatly wrapped around, as in covering from waist downards to kneecap or shin. he's jus like getting a towel to simply wrap around the vital parts, wif no intentions to properly wrap the towel. like jus wearing a SHORT brief, covering tat 10cm height. his hand was still holding on to the "knot" area. "knot" cos he was jus grabbing the part where the 2 ends meet, not tying a knot to lock it. i guess he's either wearnig gstring or really nothing inside, since caucasian r OPEN minded, having seen everythign they wanna.
his fig is of cos shiok. n to think he stayed in his "attire" for a whopping 10 mins! any idiot will know he's using sex appeal, n a lto of it. cos i thot the next scene will have him clad properly in clothes. other than tat, everything SUCKS BIG time. no PUN, but jus to emphasize. everything jus wanna rush thru. esp e part when chris is unhappy tat everyone seem so jealous of his pop state. seem so commercial n out of tune wif the mindset of ppl these days. when the fans n every1 is matured.
den today, was watchign the re-cast of superstar. i watched it thurs liao. reallt felt they not doing justice to many songs, n a ger who shld b albe to make it, kena kicked out. 1 ger was singing "brave". ok, i may b biased. but she sing like KTV style siazz!!! wothout the required emotions! gosh! trying to hard to SQUEEZE her feelings into her voice n hittign the notes. pls, if u having problem hitting the notes pro'ly, DUN TRY. if it's intentional, does it actually bring out the soul of the song?
the ch5 idol show, at least the ppl know wat they doing, wif proper music n punches. but tis chU is jus like who is popular, who wins. i cant imagine them belting out such songs. 1 ger sang tao wang, n tried imitating the nasal sounds of SYZ. KAUZ. pls, a star shld have own style n attitude. her "cai zhe yue guang" sounded so SYZ-wannab. but she cant hit the note tat nicely for gods sake! like stuck at a note n wanna use nasal to pull it up. HAVE UR OWN STYLE PLS.
i din notice if idol show got ppl wif vibration, but this star thing, the ppl jlike go KTV like dat, no std at all!! haha, n well, someone who i know who was in fridae, dunno if he still in anot, may have removed his profile siazz LOL. cos he in the competition
for a long time, has not blogged. but now, shld i start again? cos my exams have jus been rescheduled... until, i have slightly more time on hand.
these days, the nkf is getting another big issue sighzz. charities. we have trust in them tat they are doing their bit to help the unfortunate. but din expect them to take such a big slice of the cake! fancy earning so much money?? although they are CEOs, but it's a charity org! y is the CEO making so much money?? he can argue tat, he is the CEO n thus this is his worth. but who is paying him? the public is not paying him to run the place, but to help the unfor. gosh.
does anyone actually pay atention to those societies tat dun get so much publicity n attention? i'm referring to SPCA.
these days, tat gal mentioned tat ppl r getting into the blog sensation, but wonder if they r blogging to be fashionable, or they wnana really blog. oh well, whenever something's out n not tat cool n hip yet, pioneers are in it. then when it gets hot, pioneers will wonder if it's the hip tat attracted these ppl, or they really need it. ICQ, MSN, blog. wat else? i oso got friendster. but do i really need it? yes, i know how it works, but i jus dun see the need to use it. it's supposed to let us know who know who. in past, it's hot. now it;s merely, peer pressure.
oh ya, saw the papers tat "gather" blogger to a conference or soemthing. to choose award winners. haha. wonder if those who lead alternative lifestyles attended it, or oni those mainstream fellas went. 1 of the mainstream guys, won the hunky guy award. hahah. the paper say he's tanned skin and somethign else. i forgot. ahha, the paper pic, i dunno how come he got it. went his blogspot, din see any pic to verify. but his site got 1 comment abt gays swarming over to see his pic. hehe, i replied to him.
den, perhaps i'm really pretyt open n dun give a damn abt public opinion, i noticed tat, some ppl when they see mi on bus sittign down, they dun seem so wanna sit beside mi hehe. when i was at downstair shop buying things, i walked into an alley, 1 guy already looking at things there, saw mi, he jus walked off hahah. mayb i 2 sensitive. who knows ;) but i know i enjoy my way of living. n ppl gotta know, GAYS have nothign to hide abt ourselves. we are no diff from anyone and everyone. jus tat our sexual pref is not accepted by the mainstream.
it's prob'ly a pop blif tat gays are sexually driven by any guys on the street. but, who on earth has no sexual needs? we have our own styles/ways of seeking sex. n dun forget, men have an addi tool btwn their legs which at times may overwhelm the brains' instructions.
sighz, back to my studies, n tmr, back to work.
these days, the nkf is getting another big issue sighzz. charities. we have trust in them tat they are doing their bit to help the unfortunate. but din expect them to take such a big slice of the cake! fancy earning so much money?? although they are CEOs, but it's a charity org! y is the CEO making so much money?? he can argue tat, he is the CEO n thus this is his worth. but who is paying him? the public is not paying him to run the place, but to help the unfor. gosh.
does anyone actually pay atention to those societies tat dun get so much publicity n attention? i'm referring to SPCA.
these days, tat gal mentioned tat ppl r getting into the blog sensation, but wonder if they r blogging to be fashionable, or they wnana really blog. oh well, whenever something's out n not tat cool n hip yet, pioneers are in it. then when it gets hot, pioneers will wonder if it's the hip tat attracted these ppl, or they really need it. ICQ, MSN, blog. wat else? i oso got friendster. but do i really need it? yes, i know how it works, but i jus dun see the need to use it. it's supposed to let us know who know who. in past, it's hot. now it;s merely, peer pressure.
oh ya, saw the papers tat "gather" blogger to a conference or soemthing. to choose award winners. haha. wonder if those who lead alternative lifestyles attended it, or oni those mainstream fellas went. 1 of the mainstream guys, won the hunky guy award. hahah. the paper say he's tanned skin and somethign else. i forgot. ahha, the paper pic, i dunno how come he got it. went his blogspot, din see any pic to verify. but his site got 1 comment abt gays swarming over to see his pic. hehe, i replied to him.
den, perhaps i'm really pretyt open n dun give a damn abt public opinion, i noticed tat, some ppl when they see mi on bus sittign down, they dun seem so wanna sit beside mi hehe. when i was at downstair shop buying things, i walked into an alley, 1 guy already looking at things there, saw mi, he jus walked off hahah. mayb i 2 sensitive. who knows ;) but i know i enjoy my way of living. n ppl gotta know, GAYS have nothign to hide abt ourselves. we are no diff from anyone and everyone. jus tat our sexual pref is not accepted by the mainstream.
it's prob'ly a pop blif tat gays are sexually driven by any guys on the street. but, who on earth has no sexual needs? we have our own styles/ways of seeking sex. n dun forget, men have an addi tool btwn their legs which at times may overwhelm the brains' instructions.
sighz, back to my studies, n tmr, back to work.
Thursday, July 14, 2005
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Monday, July 11, 2005
Sunday, July 10, 2005
Thursday, July 07, 2005
Announcement: I'll not b blogging for a period of time. i need to study n prepare for my "big" time - java. and I've introduced a "new" look :)
"They are so busy that I only remember saying "hi" and "bye" to them. haha..." - ehhe, not oni tat, u oso greeted some ppl wif ur eyes hahah...
"Dar was cruised by uncle sia" - maybe, but i never felt so cruised b4... in fact, i never realise if ppl r crusing mi..
"keep reminding me not to touch the hair" - hair was styled liao mah, dun wan mess it up.
"either one of us got the membership card loh" - no need lah, jus ask my sis buy for mi can liao. wat for aim for it?
"Robinson is having sales now" - i wanna buy new sandals. but branded anot, oso can
"I have met up with Les and got a taste of his quick witted" - haha, u mean his cuisine of seafood? LOL. ya, once i went to his place, he tell mi he is changing his dates. i say, "oh, so who are u dating now?". i know he means the date for flying Oz.
"I am not sensitive or affected by wat Lesile said to u lah" - argh, i know wat leslie wanna say, n i know how to react to him. jus like, when we crossing road, i told samuel tat i happy for him abt his bf. he thot why i happy. den u hinted him it's crap. i know wat u trying to do, i jus making a joke outta u.......
"we would only meet during the weekends ba" - haha, how often will tat b...
"U did shout at me and punch and kick me during ur sleep loh" - oei.. oei.. say until like dat.... machiam i got inclination for family violence...
"film shooter so u got to give me some time to get used to it." - hehe, yup. i let u take ur time. i even let u see the videos :)
"shd not have watch the cartoon. Shd have choose to leave the house earlier " - nope. i know how to plan timing. dun worry.
" it's not longer Peeping Tom liao" - umm... still affected?
" they better be in topless so Dar can take some photos." - dunno, skali some ppl unhappy again...
" Scary sia... ur door can open by it's own?" - yep, n i suspect ppl entering my pl. i still rmb someone got my roomkey.
these days, i was kinda affected by how u react to my blog. cos u seem to be taking note of every word tat i write here, sometimes really reading into the words, which really makes mi wonder if i realyl shld b careful wif which word i use, in case u think otherwise again. i can tell u frankly once again, LTR counts on teh understanding, care n concern of each other, and the personality and character of each party. the body can jus b avg. do u like my body, or do u like my person? there're def'ly many ppl wif better bodies than mi.
i have confidence in u, tat u wun betray mi in any sense, cos i know u r committed to this reln. i am, too. a reln dun need a good body to maintain, but a person who can understand n care for u. agree?
but somehow, this wk, a piece of memory made mi giggle. after dining at seoul, u r still enjoying ur ice cream =D
"They are so busy that I only remember saying "hi" and "bye" to them. haha..." - ehhe, not oni tat, u oso greeted some ppl wif ur eyes hahah...
"Dar was cruised by uncle sia" - maybe, but i never felt so cruised b4... in fact, i never realise if ppl r crusing mi..
"keep reminding me not to touch the hair" - hair was styled liao mah, dun wan mess it up.
"either one of us got the membership card loh" - no need lah, jus ask my sis buy for mi can liao. wat for aim for it?
"Robinson is having sales now" - i wanna buy new sandals. but branded anot, oso can
"I have met up with Les and got a taste of his quick witted" - haha, u mean his cuisine of seafood? LOL. ya, once i went to his place, he tell mi he is changing his dates. i say, "oh, so who are u dating now?". i know he means the date for flying Oz.
"I am not sensitive or affected by wat Lesile said to u lah" - argh, i know wat leslie wanna say, n i know how to react to him. jus like, when we crossing road, i told samuel tat i happy for him abt his bf. he thot why i happy. den u hinted him it's crap. i know wat u trying to do, i jus making a joke outta u.......
"we would only meet during the weekends ba" - haha, how often will tat b...
"U did shout at me and punch and kick me during ur sleep loh" - oei.. oei.. say until like dat.... machiam i got inclination for family violence...
"film shooter so u got to give me some time to get used to it." - hehe, yup. i let u take ur time. i even let u see the videos :)
"shd not have watch the cartoon. Shd have choose to leave the house earlier " - nope. i know how to plan timing. dun worry.
" it's not longer Peeping Tom liao" - umm... still affected?
" they better be in topless so Dar can take some photos." - dunno, skali some ppl unhappy again...
" Scary sia... ur door can open by it's own?" - yep, n i suspect ppl entering my pl. i still rmb someone got my roomkey.
these days, i was kinda affected by how u react to my blog. cos u seem to be taking note of every word tat i write here, sometimes really reading into the words, which really makes mi wonder if i realyl shld b careful wif which word i use, in case u think otherwise again. i can tell u frankly once again, LTR counts on teh understanding, care n concern of each other, and the personality and character of each party. the body can jus b avg. do u like my body, or do u like my person? there're def'ly many ppl wif better bodies than mi.
i have confidence in u, tat u wun betray mi in any sense, cos i know u r committed to this reln. i am, too. a reln dun need a good body to maintain, but a person who can understand n care for u. agree?
but somehow, this wk, a piece of memory made mi giggle. after dining at seoul, u r still enjoying ur ice cream =D
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