n yes, i'm still pretty into pierre png..

he VERY VERY THIN/LEAN... n haah, well, he's just selling his body ;)

he's cute.. taiwan gymnastic guy...

he's a guy... but very very feminine.. cute..

adam acting gay...

i've just blogged at my work blog :P

now, stil wondering hwo i shld link both them up... shld i copy them to this blog, or shld i jus put a link here? due to same old reasons, i dun wan my coleagues to know my life yet..

ok.. jus checked taht, my last blog was on thur night. so, on fri night, at work, i downloaded n install msn 7. quite nice. first time at work can use msn.. at least will save some sms loh. this ist eh day, which i find myself really enjoying my work. it's tiring, to stare into pc, n input data. i felt i'm really contributing my knowledge. really enjoy programming. n it's a new proj, so dun have any docs to read up on. n first day, i start to contribute liao.

now, i'm oni wondering how to make myself pass the probation... wat's funny is tat, this day, my mum din cook. sms the mgmt guy, he not free. so met my gal pal for dine. n, i'm excited tat, i took a bus from my work plc to my destinations! i wanna go town, so did research. n i found my way!!! COOL! i seem to know singapore a bit more :P

den, had dinner buffet wif her, n she cooked everythign for mi.. sweet hor? i ther eoni to gobble food =D den went for ktv... wow, had fun for the whole nite siazz!!

den sat morning.. was sianzz n tiring.. tryign very hard to study.. felt like giving up even. 1 module is abt proj mgmt, whcih i can grasp. 1 is MATHEMATICAL whcih i totally BLUR!!!! GOSH! had to force myself to read it.. but heck, i still muz get thru this sem. n hor, today, the class, a guy styled his hair. he looks nice. so i sat behind him, n tok him a while. unfortunately, he not chatty. ask him 2-3 qns, den he jus continue his own things...

n.. i'm beginning to go for web based emai liao... to save my disk space... but i'm still trying to see whcih option is better..

I know I've not been blogging for days.. not even at my java-kevin site... well, wat u think.. first day of work, i went for a party after work. it lasted longer than expected, n i got home (my place) at 12+. den 2nd day (today), i went for my class (BORING) n got home abt 12 oso. ya, spent abt 45 mins dining.

tis is my first work, tat dun need much job orientation, almost immediately can start work liao. been doing things since day 1. it's not torturous, but enjoyable. cos i finally see myself doing some programming related work. now still populating db. it's oni the beginning..

not forgetting to mention, when u fall for someone, u usually will wanna sacrifice a bit for him. such as, some things tat he say, if u think it really for he better, u usually will do it. but am i not realising it, or it's really not my case? most ofthe time, thsoe who.. showed interest in mi, they usuall more knowledgeable than mi. well, i do like tat, cos i am those bochap type, who enjoys listening more than doing research n finding out. so when i know them, they usually tell mi more things than i know of.

ok, y i sya these is 'cos, this guy.. who i been mentioning these days, he ask mi to drink plain water instead of soft after dinner, to make myself full. i understand the purpose. i know it's for long term benz. so i switch to it gradually.

then next, is taking bfast. i usually.. nvr take it 1, unless it's sunday, n i go family bfast. i've not taken bfast for years. den he, said tat, i shld go for it, as it's a staple meal of the day. yes i know tat, but it's not ez for mi to get bfast CHEAP n convenient. esp sincei need to leave home early to catch bus. n when i get to work, meals r EX.. costing near $1. i still have my own expenses to cover.

but since i started working here, i've been takign bfast. first day, so qiao, my sis bought croissant. i ate it for bfast on my first day. 2nd day, i know i got the time, so i went to buy a bun. n tat's my bfast. n since i can afford the time n effort, i thot of making it a point, to go family there, prepare my next day bfast, bring hme, morning go take paper n eat bffast. it sounds convenient.. n coincidence...

my last day of work at helpdesk... sigh.. if oni snr understand wat happening these days.. i realy worry for them.. cos.. no 1 gonna pick the phone..but tok abt happy things.. my last day, so i decided to give the team a treat. got 1 technician, he looks decent n proper. my height. but he certainly homo phobia, cos he shuns mi often. dun dare to b near mi. to give him a treat, b4 i leave, i decided to treat his side oso. n bought vege delite specially for him haha.. din put onions as he requested. my greatest consolation, he sms mi "ths for the great lunc" hahaha...

think i gonna update my java blog oso..

finally finished reading my java bk. not sure if i am realyl ready for the job, but at least i read up on java exam again, so as not to paiseh SJCP. now tat i've finished the book (tis time, i din really force myself to rmb the thing, but more to getting the gis n udnerstand it), i dun really know wat i shld do nxt lol..

anyway, r humans really so inclined to new stuff? over the yrs.. or even mths, there have been new faces appearing ont he tv. every now n den got new n appealiing faces.. i have liked pierre png, qiyuwu, julian hee, zzen. but as time goes by, it seems like, i have gradually lost interest in the formers. julian has the fig, n adam oso. so i still love them. others, nope, the interest is lost. i still rmb, taking pic wif zzen when i saw him at It show. but now he's jus another person. seem teh chronicle of life, tat getting accepted is 1 thing, but proving urself n maintaining that level is another..

======================

ok.. on fri ngiht, i slept pretty late.. so on saturday, i can say i still drowsy. den on saturday, i did some things.. along the day, my eyes have been twitching non-stop.. to an extent, i give up interepreting n rmb'ing abt it timings n meanings.. den.. on sunday, they seem to come true bit by bit.. all the no-gd things, n the gd things..

n i ask my sis abt my work. she spoke from a mgmt POV.. criticised mi for my work attitude going down, not the right thing to do even though i'm leaving, n i shld have discussed wif the sups. i had wanna... but the sup, i feel she surely... dun allow, ccos she bias..

den today... seriously.. i realyl doubt the snr know why i reduce my call load.. the KK seldom pick calls. so during my last wk, i reduce my clal load. so tat he is forced to pick up. den last fri, as i mentioned, i was bombed by snr, tat i din pick enuff calls. ok loh. i will help to pick calls. but i really cant imagine wat'll happen when i leave siazz..

i must get it off my chest...

friday was the limit, at my work place. i've only got 2 days left after tis wkend. den the snr held a meeting before KO time.

1) she ask mi, how come the emails no 1 is clearing? i thot u supposed to clear the mails? y, u not doing anythign?
i told her, the responsiblity was not passed down to mi.
she look around for ppl to support her, no ans, den she diamz.

2) she ask mi, how come those "website inaccessible" cases, i send them to the tech support tat side as well, resulting in a high pri case logged?
i told her, i have verified with her, tat those ppl r supposed to b in the CC list. den she oso dumb, n said tat, can use the template to send out. every1 den helped to check the email templates. but found none for the "website" issue.

3) tis is the hellish part. she came down on mi. she said, hwo come tis wk, i pick up so few calls? in the past, i picked so many calls, but tis wk, KK was picking up double my number? she den read out the stats. she said, she not saying i din pick calls, but dun push everything to KK, n try to pick more calls.
i ask her back, but i did pick up calls rite?
she say, yes, but even though it's my last wk, i shld still pick calls (she jus circling around her pt)
i said, i dun think i need to maintain my record correct?
she replied, tat i shld still ans calls...

well, she's jus tryingt o find fault wif mi, tryingt o find every detail to b my fault. cos she dun like mi to challenge her power.

4) i confirmed wif sup tat i got 0.5 day leave more to clear. if cant clear, will give money instead. so, when all r in office, i ask snr, if i can clear leave. she stunned, look at sup, den said she';ll check n lemme know.

i m ok wif working whole day for my last 2 days, i will get 0.5 day $ still. jus see how she gonna do things.

toking abt sat.. haha, while we doing OT, a 24 hr shift guy was playing techno songs on his pc. i like such songs. den i exclaimed, the songs make mi lose my focus. den hor, my snr actually said "wah liao, dunno how come always play such songs. wah jnr, ur songs better siazz". i know she tryingt o praise jnr. but she probably din realise, she's criticising another person's choice of songs..

monday, we supposed to work at 8am, to prepare for any cockup thing due to the relocation. but, y do WE need to b there early?? wat can we help on? our normal start time is 830 (830 shld b there), n 9am start work officially. we get there 0.5-1 hr earlier. but for wat?? nothign for us to do. totally a boring day. sianzz.. no motivation to work hard. but this place, does give mi knowledge on hwo diff ppl mix..

================

sigh, i have a few thigns in mind... duno how to prioritise... i got my java bk to read (yes bks is theory, but it refreshes my knowledge) to prep for my new job. den oso got my monash boks to read (i dun wan become like last time, focus 2 much on java, den dun read monash bks, resulting in poor results), den now, i oso have to balance between catching up wif frns, having my own time, prep for my job, n saving money, n enjoying myself. wat's more, my contact lens broke again. tis time, i dun die die go for strait optical liao. i now checking out other brands around my plc..

n i muz admit, i forgot when was the last time i visited my frns' blogs.. damn..

=============

why is today so special?? no idea.. *i've not written anything for the past 1-2 days. gonna blog finish by all means.* special in the sense... i got a twitch in right eye. tis usualyl means something good will happen. true... the next night, i got sms from a lovely frn tat he wanna try 1-1 wif mi.. so of cos i'm excited :) now jus see when he's free.. cos he's a "salesman". den, on my way home from work, i saw a army mate (not pal/frn) whose body was pretty nice (not gym type, but got the lines n shape). when i was in the army (tat's where i knew my oz pal), once, he came up to mi, asking y sometime i keep looking at him. hahha, i told him, i found his body shape pretty nice hahah.. i even took a pic of him as i ord.. n i rmb who took it. but on the bus, he dun rmb mi, even though i waved at him. he gave a "huh? who r u? siao, nvm". he was wif a ger. so i din bother much. ahhaah.. but quite surprising to see him lah.

n as i have been blogging, i have been able to anticipate/feel either good or bad things gonna happen, wif my twitching eyes. but, 2 bad, left eye (bad) twitches more often than right. somehow, i feel tat, it's perhaps an indication for mi to grow up n learn to handle bad situations wif care n reasoning, not by moment of anger/unhappiness. cos today, at noon, it twitched. den near early evening, again.

true, around 5pm, KK started doing report, n i felt tat he's trying to push away the job of answering calls. i of cos not happy cos he always not keen to work hard. i walked out (on purpose) but thot abt it, n went back to help wif calls, by benefit of doubt (not exactly wat it means, but it seem to apply here).

den i had arranged wif a frn to watch movie premiere. i got to the meeting place. msg him, no reply. i paced up/down. i rmb abt my 2nd twitch. i am ready for something to ahppen. later on, he called mi, grumbling tat i nvr on my hp. den he wanted mi go directly to the cinema. but i really duno where he means. he jus say "tat cinema". den i rmb, tat i had gone to a cinema in tat area 2 times. so i agar agar know. so i went down.. but i've braced myself for some unhappy happenings.. nothign much happen. oni tat, he was rushign to go in, din buy anything movie food (popcorn, drink etc). but den, i oso felt it's 2 ex.. den din buy oso.

the movie i saw was "born as a pair" chn translation. the show is abt dealing wif cancer. the interesting part in this show is, a guy, or cutie, sent in his singing demo tape for a commercial. but he was struck off the candidate list, as the person din pay attention to the singing. den he was working partime as painter. e nice part abt tis is, he actually dares to sing in the public while he's working. but i dun. i admire his courage. n perhaps his talented voice (not sure if it's his voice tho). some way during the filming of his singing scene, i am touched. he's fulfilling his dream to sing. but i dun dare... dunno if i ever dare to sing. no confidence in my voice...

after movie, my frn asked his frn (call him boy) along for dinner. i can see tat, the boy at times bochap my frn, who keep on toking to him. but boy is always answering calls, sms, or not listening. den i was there, walking behind them. at times teasing my frn. i can see tat, i am jus the supporting role, perhaps jus there to make sure the boy is nto alone. even after the movie, as we walkign off, my frn oni ask wat i wan for dinner, den continue toking to his boy. the part tat made mi felt worst is, when i about to leave, my frn jus "ok ok, bye bye".. in some sense like "my presence is not impt". he may not have meant it this way, but i felt it.

i am comparing him wif my uk frn, chris. perhaps, in the above case, chris is "my frn" while i'm the "boy". but i felt tat, chris would have handled the situation better. in a way tat, the 3rd party will not feel neglected. well, perhaps it the way ppl grow up n decide to behave/live.

nothign much to show.. have i gotten over him, or this ep, he din have much scenes for mi to take pix of? or... i'm realyl so bz?

got a lot of work issues to grumble.

1) i dun have much idea y is tis happening suddenly. on thurs, snr ask mi to update some cases. i discussed 1 case with her, but she dun get my pt. i told her, the user wanted to resolve a prob, but die die dun wan visit us. den she dun get the pt n keep asking mi to try again. ok, den i call. after calling, she actually declared i din pass the right msg. i sounded i jus wanna close case, instead of solving it. i jumped at her, telling her tat she dunno wat the user told mi. she diam diam..

2) she ask mi hwo coem a case not closed, n jus pending there. i told her, i'm waiting to find out, who resolved the case. den she say, waiting dun mean i cannot jus close the case, n let it pend 4ever... kauzz... say until like dat.. again machiam my fault. den i told her, last time i ask her, she say she will find out for mi. den she stunned.

these 2 times, sup is around... AND THEN, wat irritated mi most is... on thurs, i have to go for sch. b4 6pm, i asked openly if i can go earlier. no reply, i took it as silent consent. den i went off, after announcing i leaving. den as i reached ground flr of office, they called mi, demanding i go up again. WAT?? i went up, the sup reprimanded mi for not respecting snr, who is asst sup. i shld always ask snr for permission. den, snr said, ok i can go...

how does tat feel huh?? going up, to get a scolding, n going down in mins. can't they jus tell mi when i get backt o work the next day?? sighzz.. other reasons i oso dun wan mention.

n these day, sup seem to be picking on mi... i can oni say, i've lost ym respect for him being impartial..

den for snr.. i find her.. silly.. during work, i was chatting wif a developer about java stuff.. we chatted for abt 5 mins. den right after we ended, snr tok to tat new ger. it felt like.. snr was listening to our conversation.. den, today we working OT.. wah siao.. i felt so much discrimination. sup n snr came LATE. very late. machiam, early birds do morr work. den.. snr hor, actually oso secretly observe wat i do siazz... obvious observation... hahah.. somehow, jus observing, how far this helpdesk will stay cohesive...

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watching the show hosted by adam chen. it's abt rescuing of dogs. they are just SOO pitiful!! adam n the real rescuers went to find the stray dogs. den, the narrator said, u have to squat down, to reduce ur aggressiveness, wif them, and feed them food, to get into their gd books. den once they lower their guard, u can pick them up n pat them. they'll feel safer.

i support their cause, n happy tat it's easy for them to rescue the dogs.. but then, i scared tis part will b abused.. in such a way tat, dog haters will know how to entice dogs n... threaten them.. dogs are JUS SO TRUSTING! IT'S GOOD N BAD!! when the dog was rescued n patted, i was weeping.. it's so just trusting!! wat if those guys r jus hoax????

den as the dog is brought to kind souls' houses for a voluntary washup, i felt so happy for it.. it's been rescued, n in good hands... den as adam ended tat part wif the dog, i felt happy for it... n wept again... ;) now, anotehr dream of mine, is setup a home for the dogs... FOC.. for ppl who really abandoned n no 1 wanna them.. i dun care abt taboo n disabled dogs...

no longer expecting ppl to understand mi, no longer expecting ppl to read up my info. preferring to communicate verbally, rather than by internet. taking things easy, n let the flow smooth, i try to no longer rush into things, but let time develop the fruit for me.

did i mention abt a guy who i met, n we went into a lift? we have been keeping in touch since we met. he's busy guy, i know. at first, he'll send mi morning greetz, i'll reply wif mine. den gradually, i became the person to send, n he reply when he free. den, today, i sms him my new no, n ask him how is he wif his 39yo guy. he reply wif std msg, n ask mi call him back.

so i called. we chatted fine. i took the initiative to ask how was he wif tat 39 yo guy. den he ask mi, if i hope, he can b my bf. i replied "tat will b my hope". he oso ask mi y. i explained to him.. n he admitted, he dinno my thinking is tat matured liao. b4 we hung up, he thx mi for telling him certain thinsg : )

alright, bed time.

the lawyer show in singapore has ended...

take mi as a psycho lah... 2 bad he dun have any good fig yet

various poses of renfred's latin movements...

latin dancing

renfred, starting his latin dance..

the multi-talented renfred.. playing piano, participating in various international pageants, n showing us his house.... hey, he oso acted in drama b4...

final shot of him performing on stage, n posing.. last but not least... he's playing basketball.. hahah

renfred practising his singing

renfred posing for camera

renfred performing on stage...

introducing renfred, the cute campus superstar

adam n renfred

ready to interview campus superstar

adam in his room dolling up..

adam in white top still

adam in white top

adam posing as loanshark

some more pic

adam is acting gay here///

regarding riots, i do know its negative effects. but, seeing that other countries have riots occurring so easily, what is it that prevented any riots in singapore? laws, work commitment, or simply not-in-our-blood?

horniness? no lah.. jus to blog my growing up n realising process.

=======================

been watching the ch8 idol contest. i din stay tuned to it, but at least saw who kena boot out. these ppl r still young. is tat y, they may not know anything abt acting? they jus have a passion for it, but not sure wat it entails? cos as an actor, u have to take care of ur every movement n gesture. i heard may phua teling them, every gesture has a motive. i find the word too heavy. i prefer purpose. using ur eyes, lips, facial, hands, body, legs. these all carry meaning when they move. n.. sometimes, when they boot out, they'll say, the stage let them experience the taste of life, n to see things from a diff view. haha.. well, i can say, as helpdesk person, i have been doing tat as well.

anyway, now i finally realise, why some ppl can experience a change in mindset after taking up a role. cos, when they take the role, they have to immerse themselves fully into the role. tink as tat person, feel n move like tat person. u have to really make urself into tat person to pull it off. u may have been ppl expericing certain stages of life. but without being thru it, u may not udnestand the emotions running inside them, n wat they r thinking of at the moment. n if u really manage to live in tat person's world, u could really b affected by his culture n mindset, until u lose ur original character, or u gain another perspective from his view...

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i've just collected my amei latest cd. when i saw her posters being pinned up in cd-rama wks ago, i suddenly felt like crying. it's been a long time since i saw her.. at all. it's like someone who i idolise, i have not been in touch wif her. den when i collected her cd, browsing thru the cd info, i almost wanna cry. it was like i am picking the things she left behind, without a word.

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seems like, it's my first time, to wait for so long b4 i buy somethign. i've oredi made up my mind to buy it liao. first time to actually still wait, b4 i purchase it, n wait for 1.5 mths still. cos my contract ending 7th mar. i'm tight now, i cant afford to b a spendthrift. have to wait till tmr 7th mar to get it.. wah long wait siazz.. but at least, i learnt to bide my time.. no need to rush into things to make it work.. sometimes, "good things come to those who wait" is true.. but, never forget, "opportunity never knocks twice" :)

shld i rejoice? do i sound evil if i do? cos.. the snr really losing pop here. wat piss mi is (seem like i din blog tis), last night, i was checking a case. the ph rang. she simply got ready to go toilet, din bother to pick ph. she on way to study yes. but so?? den the jnr, she need to buy dinner. so she told mi she need to go down. u know wat, the snr whispered "if he cant wait for 5 mins, kick him out" jokingly. i rebuted "hey, 5 min oni, den u wait lah" she said "cannot lah, i got class ah". i said "i oso meeting my frns mah". she diamz.

n den, ytday (wed), she's kinda quiet all teh way. din tok at all. den today, even more power. we din tok at all. she dun wan listen to wat i say lol.. n friday, i officially announce that, she's really not toking to mi hahaha.. i can't say i've won any battle, but at least, she finally din try to criticise mi anymore. but i hope, it does not mean my pop lvl gone down...

on friday, she started 2 b the troubleshooter for problems. 1 case, the person called m b4. i know details. the developer knw tat i have the details. but she jus dun bother to ask. later i inform developer, she silently went off... hahah... den, in morning, she ask whether i have updated a daily xls file. usually.. our attitude is update when we like. but tat morn, she specifically ask mi (tat wk, all of us were supposed to update. jus tat i am in chrage of the xls the day b4 - thurs) whether i updated anot. i told her, i jus did, n she is stunned.

sighzz.. den KK.. wah liao.. nothign to say abt him anymore... ju tired of it. n i can see, how words can make 1 flare up on the EQ side. cos, for a simple task, he keep doing his own way whcih does not work. but he die die wan it. den i told him the proper way for 3rd time, he say better to document it down. i knw he jus wanna play punk, so i ask him to type out while i say. den.. u know, next few days, he still din follow docu. i immediately told him to READ THRU the ENTIre notepad. n he was stunned n unconvinced. i'm bad huh? sighzz (yes, again), our work environment now.. really sucks to the core. when i first joined, jnr n lady go lunch together. mi snr n tech guy lunch. lady gone, KK come in. so KK go wif jnr instead. den later, tech guy leave. leaving mi n snr. but we cant click. so, sometimes, snr find her kaki (last min den say) n i go myself. den comes the new ger. wif the new ger, i can click wif her totally. for lunch hrs, it's odd. now, i n new ger go lunch. if jnr not around, KK go himself, n snr go find her kaki. if jnr n KK around, jnr go wif KK. if jnr n snr around, they go SEPARATELY. nvr together.

den these days, snr like wanna build rapport wif jnr n new ger. but she knw she cant clikc wif the eng speaking KK, so she dun bother. Yet? dunno. on thur, after work, KK n snr n jnr stay back do work. jnr abt to go. snr ask her wait for her. jnr went off to toilet first, but snr kan cheong, call jnr come back. DEN, snr went toilet herself. the jnr, while waiting, ask us, wat to do, cos she dun wan go wif snr.. but 2 bad, after she ask this, snr came back in.. n off they went...

den ytday (fri), new ger asking if i ready to go. den snr oso abt to leave liao. i told new ger, i go toilet first. when i came out, new ger msg mi "they go first". hahah.. well, naturally, the first thot tat came my mind, is snr simply dun wan mi to tag along. heeh, on the surface, our helpdesk is working seamlessly... but in fact... haah.. is this the usual situation? well, it's my first time to stay somewhere for 1 yr leh..

oh ya, i've just made another blog for my work related stuff.. jus created oni. i cant let ppl know abt my personal life so easily, but i have to catch up wif the internet tech oso. haha, but am i following the footsteps of my gal pal? duno yet. she had it some time back. but i jus felt its need, so i created.

my gal pal mentioned tat, my stds for guys have kinda dropped. i wonder, does it happen to everyone, as they advance in age? when I was younger, (hereby, i shall speak the truth, cos it's indeed my growing up phase. if anyone choose to discriminate me just 'cos of the truth, I am unable to help it.) i had dreams of going out n settling down with gorgeous guys. these include bengs (yes i still LOVE them to the MAX), cuties n watever. i din even pay attention to ppl who look older, or try to "pick" mi up, unless they look great. however, as i grow older, i realise tat, y do i simply pick on good looking guys? some of them cant even hold a proper conversation. brains, or brawns? pick 1, not both. if not, they will have an attitude wif themselves. "I'm good looking, tat y u tok to mi. i have loads of frns, why shld i bother about u?" or "i think u are interested in my body, but i'm not. dun come and disturb mi. i have better things to do than entertaining u. hey, where's tat hot dude??"

but 2 things have changed my mindset/thinking.
1) everyone wants to know cuties. and if possible, either have physical interaction or know them better. or simply look at every inch of the body outline, formed the clothes they wear. i oso wan. since i wan to do this to ppl. ppl oso will want to ogle at me. it's a mere exchange of interested looks. come on, if no 1 bothers to look, what's ur market value?? tat's y, nowadays, anyone who cares to chat wif mi, i'll try to strike a converastion wif them. if it lasts, a new frnship will b formed. if not, at least i know, he's either acquaintance, or a hi-bye frn (i'm still not used to tis term). if i tok to a person, i normally will want to have a proper chat. if he can't make it, den i'll know he's oni a goodlooker.

2) frns have no boundaries. dun everytime think of ppl are wanna bed u. ya lah, tis is flawful. but then, if u really no interest, u can still stay as frns wif them. who knows, they may turn out to b the frns u need most.

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err, somehow i deviated from my original topic :P ok.. when i was younger, i dreamt of knwoing gorgeous guys. den now, my choice of guys r either getting wider, or the population is getting more metrosexual, or my std has gone down. either way, wat i wan say is, is it true tat, when u r still glowing, u have certain stds of Mr Right. However, as ur glow dims, ur std gets lower, cos u r still finding that Right. until a pt when u realise u really adv a lot in age, but u still single, u jus wnana find a person who can b there for u, n all the fantasies of sparks glamourous fireworks will jus disappear? is this happening to mi?

was watching channel u's love match game. a ger gets to choose who she wann dine wif. n the guy can choose his date oso. ger A choose cute23. cute32 choose ger B. so 3some dine. gerA choose cute23 cos she likes him. gerA looks older than her age of 23. gerB looks her age of 23. den at the end of the show, gerA ask cute23 his opinions of her. cute23 say she a pistachio (kai xin guo aka happy fruit) cos she is always smiling and it warm his heart oso. in the end, cute23 goes for gerA. cos he's comfy wif her presence. i wonder... a lot of things.. is gerB ready for a chat? did cute23 choose gerA for the tv show effect? is cute23 comfy wif the looks of gerA? btw, i gave the cute23 not 'cos he's cute, but oni to refer easily.

after the CNY, i changed my camera bag to crumpler bag for style. but over 1 mth, it seem to bring bad luck... u know.. 3 incidents.
1) CNY dinner wif frns (i forgot if i changed my camera bag liao anot), it was on a wkday. i supposed to take pix as usual wif them. but end up, no pix taken, cos they bz wif eating. i oni took pix of fireworks.
2) he's someone who i almost did something wif. we met for 2nd time. n i asked if he wanna take pic. he declined.
3) worst case. my frn's bday. on the day iself, i bring camera along. called him to confirm timing, he say things turned out badly. i suggested meeting him up for dinner. he said he'll think abt it. later he declined still.

so jialutz?? am i really not fated to use stylo bags?? unless it's really my choice??

i remember, when i had plans for the future, i look forward to it pretty much... like getting new job (i basically spent my days sending out resumes siazzz), n preparing my oz trip. den, everytime after that objective has been met, i'll kinda feel that my time is empty. i dun have much things to look forward to. nothing for mi to prepare for..sigh.. i think i better try to find other objectives..

waiting "patiently" for 7th March to come.

these days, i've been kinda doing something not correct to myself. dun think 2 much lah.. it'c just tat i've been getting honry these days. den.. when i see ppl online, who meet my minimum requirements, i dun mind them coming over to my plc. i know it's too cheap for mi to b so. but somehow, when u r honry, can u think / bother so much?? but when u recover from ur moment of folly, u may regret it. tat u were so loose in ur selection.

so now, following maggie cheung's footstep (like real), i'll not volunteer or hint my intentions abt my honriness.. or perhaps, i wun suggest... perhaps will oni say my mood.. like "i'm honry".. but i shan't suggest any1 to come over. i'll suppress it, n tok normal wif ppl, but if they are sincere in "sharing the joy" wif mi, haha... :)

in the past, when i was still livign wif my family, i kinda din have any stds for meeting ppl. they dun have pic, nvm 1. come over, as long as body type ok, i dun mind doing things wif them, cos i am enjoying it. but now, i find tat i was torturing my body. perhaps i realyl looking jus for a channel to release myself. almost like a pro who have sex wif any1, who have the money. but for mi, it's for the sheer boredom n high sex drive. i hope it's not 2 late to ... make amends hahaha..

n soon.. i think i will b writing a letter to TODAY...

oh well.. i'm disappointed with liu xiao zhou. he failed my expectations BIG time.

i have a strange feeling today. my family went to bugis to ask for better fortune. the old ladies there prayed for us. she took out a piece of standard drawing. of 5 characters (due to religious reasons, i shant describe them). she chanted. i felt a surge of emotions. some kind of remorse? i wanna weep... but i din.

den, when mine's done, i stood at a corner, and saw a room of statues. i looked at them, n my heart atuomatically started chanting a line for calming of the heart..

=============

i admit i'm not gd at making frns, or even good at maintaining frnship wif new ppl. there is tis person from fridae. he look quite alright, jus alright oni. he msg mi in fridae for a quickie (really, cos he str8-4ward, ask mi if i wanna fun wif him). we exchange fri msg, n he gave mi his number. i sms him promptly.

he din reply. later, i add him in msn. he came home, i msg him. he say he's tired, n wanna slp. from den on, i did see him online in msn. no msg from him at all. nothign at all. den jus now, he msn mi, saying my msn pic is hot, and he WANT IT. i say i dun give msn pic to ppl who i seldom tok to. he say it's jus internet pic, not mine. he den suggested tat, we supposed to meet up still. i den gave him my number, n my sign name. he unhappyy.

den i qn him, he din reply my sms tat day. why? he gave mi some non-sensical reason: maybe he was usign work ph, my number, saved in hp, so when change ph, the number din appear properly. i reply, he enver had my numer/name all along. he den say he's sorry. den i told him, basicall,y i'm unhappy tat he din reply my sms, n msn oso. den he insisted he's sorry oredi. if i dun accept, den whole thing can b forgotten.

i den said, if he chose to forget the whole thing, fine. if not, we can still start off wif sms to rebuild the whole thing. he declined. alright den.

i think this is the meaning of saying sorry. Did he really mean to say it, or jus as courtesy?? sorry does not mean, jus saying so, but u have to prove/show y u think u r saying it. if u sorry liao, but still carry on ur attitude, wat diff it make??

well, i like michelle chia oso.. so, here's a tribute to her..

adam doing a commercial, promoting healthy lifestyle... he def'ly fit the bill!!! will he b.. or will he go topless, n guide viewers on how to workout properly? =D

LXZ being interviewed as a star.. tat's his sketch, done in a mere minute

has the gardener lost his shape? oh well, these days he no longer appear on DH.. so disappointing..

cheeky acts caught on camera!!

adam appearing on Fann wong's fashion show... prince charming in white top.. OHHH

a never-had-b4, close up shot of lion dance vehicle..

oh gosh... he's the first host of Singapore to daringly expose his torso!!! not 2 bad siazz!!! he's the best HOST of Singapore!!!

well, yes, once again, i'm proud tat i am finally staying on a job for almost a yr. during tis yr, i learnt a lot abt office attitudes. eg, y it's always good to have a learning attitude. instead of assume "u know it". n tat, although in office, everything is work n "it shld b done", but then, we oso have to depend on reln. simply 'cos it "shld b done" does not mean "it will b done". if u r on good terms wif a person, things will n can b sorted out easier. it's all abt building up of rapport.

n thinking back, it's also an accomplishment, when at times, my gal pal actually ask mi things which i am knwoledge enuff to tell her. 'cos all along, it's been her telling mi stuff, i seldom had the chance to tell her things whcih i know, cos she suually took effort to read up on it. yes i am lazy. including the time, ytday, when she ask mi "y shld she continue her job". well, she's still fast n quick thinker as usual, so, after tlling her my first line, she kinda know wat i tryign to say liao.

n at work, trusting a person's ability n living up to tat trust is utmost important in setting up a friendly n efficient workplace. someone passes a task. it means he has confidence tat u can do it n up to his expectations. if u do it swee swee (nicely), he knwo his trust in u is worthy of his belief in u. he will b able to trust wat u do in future, provided u dun fail his trust/expections. tis will lead to a more efficient n trusting env.

i read from the bk tat, some ppl have no such easy trust on others. they prefer to trust only when those ppl did soemthign to earn it.

however, once tat trust is broken, u can try to amend it. if both parties r working towards to re-building tat trust, soon, things shld b back to normal. however, if 1 party is not cooperating, den a boundary will be there, preventing smooth n efficient work env.

i'm saying these, cos KK dun blif n do wat i say. he doubts my words n abilities. yes, i have tis prob back in the past, but i did try my best to resolve it. now, i ask KK to do somethign, he delay it, and days later, it's not done yet. he's not doign thigns the way i did, or perhaps the way it had been done. until ytday, when the jnr is checkingt he report, den he dived into amending them.

n he was tokign to userB who seem to referrign to my userA case. he ask whether i spoke to userB b4. i said no. he tried arguing wif mi, but i simply told him flat on wat to do. he said, he'll rather wait for sup to b back. i ask him to check wif snr first. he stood up, and sat back, preferrignt o check wif sup. i knwo wat he's thinking: he wants to really check wif sup, n show tat i'm in the wrong, n put mi in bad light.

but later, he called userB back...
he: u rmb speaking to anyone on our side?
userB: ya.. ed
he: any1 else?
userB: i think ben oso
he: u rmb any1 else?
userB: no.. oni these 2
later, he put down the ph n spoke in a better tone to mi, tat somehow our cases cld b the same...

but wat i dun enjoy is, when the sup came back, he heard the whole thing, i told him my story, n he jsu came down onto mi, as tho he wanna eat mi up. he's right in his way, but tat dose not mean i did wrognly. mind him.

==============

anyway, my blog is not to focus on office stuff. i jus wanna lend my support to the NYP couple. she did nothign wrong. n HE as well. i jus wonder, y is the focus on the ger oni, n not much on the guy. is it due to the conservative mindset tat, gers shld b more decent?

everyone does thigns in the dark. jus a matter of whether it's being exposed anot. it's purely an unfortunate event that, it was spread like wild fire over the internet. n perhaps, as a student, the stereotype is students shld b at a learning age, and sex should not b an option. too bad, her doings on the bed have been exposed, and she has become a victim.

wat's more, TABLOIDS. they have the power of burning down a building with a flame. they wll do anuthing to sensationalise issues. i oso have some vids of myself posing here n there, n prtty erotic as well. but these r never shared wif anyoen, other than ppl i trust. i saw from papers tat she intends to stop schooling, but her parents encourage her to go on.

i'd say, let her rest for a period, and relax for a while. perhaps the boy can join her. let her relax, n come back to school again. it's a very painful experience for her, and she must get over it. no matter how long it takes. put it behind her, n get on her life.

replying some blog comments. (oh gosh, long time din check my gal's blog)

"I'm back in the UK, very jetlagged but alive. I'm glad we had the opportunity to shop for your power supply on Saturday"

yep, thx for buying the PSU for mi :)

" OMg then can u at least post some pictures of rain concert leh lets horny togeter "

i wonder who huh>?!?!??! come on, show urself!!! i really dunno who u r..

"You should only resign when you have signed a contract with your new firm. So when you've decided, then sign the contract and only then resign from your current firm."

true, but i told my comp, i need 1 mth notice, so tat i wun sound tat "delayed" to them. in actual fact, i need 45 days. it's a totally diff scenario in the days' diff. i somehow have confidence tat the new comp is sincere in signing mi up, and not to delay the time to join, i have to make a choice. i decide to trust them.

but the singtel, it turned out tat the interview was off...

==================

seeing tat other countries have riots easily, i am thnking, why does not singapore have any? is it we are too pre-occupied with our work? or the law here is so super? Or we know how to cause a havoc without rioting?

================

monday.
sunday was a thoroughly boring and useless day. nothing good n valuable was done at all.basically idling time away. no mood/motivation to read my java oso. den monday, was oso a quite a sucky day. no reason. jus felt... i din enjoy my wkend tat much, n felt i MUZ b back in office again?

umm... i wonder.. if my image is like him.. decent n proper looking (minus my outrageous haircolor, clean face, lean bod n tone arm.. picture taken from picturetrail

native taiwanese lying on seabed, n showing his tone back... muscles.. =D

native taiwanese going frontal topless !

native taiwanese last pic...

native taiwanese side view n various snaps..

quite an attractive guy.. hahah.. i call him native taiwanese

native taiwanese leaning forward.. n slight close up

liu geng hong in CNY shows...

liu geng hong oso

he's in court... OH.. how i wish i can protect him from harm... arghzz.. dun b so sad lei...

wah say, an usual facial expression evolving into a grin, and a BIG smile... CUTE! n wow, he got such a violetn side... hehe, tis is wat i call acting :)

cutie boy... i wanna offer him help.. no strings attached..

after nt being at my comptuer for some time, seem like i got lotsa things to do...

surprise surprise... a frn who i know during poly days... we r not tat close, but we do meet up as group every now n den.. this frn, she actually read my blog from time to time.. cool...

there's this guy.. his way of speaking is something i din, or never, exprienced b4.. we had a few conversations over the ph. the first 1, he called suddenly, n i din really know wat to tok about. the next time, it was a better try. but somehow, it ended up badly, as he sounded as though he was telling mi wat i shld b doing, wat i had done. the 3rd 1, i simply dun wish to tok much wif him. the conversation ended in minutes. the 4th one, he was about to hang up, when i told him why i was so quiet. we both finalyl chatted quite a lot.. enjoyable chat. n i apologised for sounding harsh earlier on, when i spoke my mind.. it was really enjoyable.. it is discussing topics wif depth. not mere bitching or gossiping, but even sharing our thoughts n ideas on issues. Until now, i din have any such discussions, other than my oz pals.

on our 5th chat on friday, he sounded nervous (well, haha, wat can i epxect?) n dun wan tok 2 much, in case we cant click well, n nothingt tok..

haha.. n i really jialut at directions.. i am a true blue singaporean (i'm born here, i mean) but i actually can miss holland V stop siazz. oh well, my "where is hell shld i b alighting??" mentality got the better of mi. i was thinking, how do i proceed? wah liao.. shld i jus get home n forget abt meeting, or jus./.. bear the hot sun n take another bus? i was really hot in my head. but as i went over to take a return bus, i cooled down, n thot it was jus my luck. but hor, wah wait for bus oso damn long.

hehe, my cool headed'ness paid off. he's not bad looking. quite impressive is my impresion. no other words i know fits better. haha.. it's enjoyable =D

umm.. is there anyone still wearing a watch to tell time? a watch is basically for time telling, but wif a hp, does it still help? i thinking of removing my watch..

guo mei mei has finally shown her face. comparing her "love is a song to you" wif celest's style of singing, both are pulling the high notes wif almost a screeching tone. but y is GMM able to... have a wide fan base, but celest's is shrinking?

final note: sianzz... any way to motivate my self to keep on studying (revising, refreshing my knowledge) java, with burning passion?? i know i shld b doing it, but .. argh.. am i missing something? sighzzz.. too cooped up at home? controlling my budget better?

i seem to b able to feel whether somethign is going on properly anot...

today, somethign big happened at the helpdesk.. wow...

ok. i took dinner... now i know liao.. at home, i shld take 3 bowls of rice, den soup. this is full course. followed by a drnk, tis full set will make mi real full.

after dine at home, i left my hse. the door not locked. but all the way, soemthing is not right. the traffic change too fast. i have to wait for 2nd round. den when jaywalk, suddenly, i seme like i din check the whole situation properly, ending up, i have to wait. like wrong estimation. as i walk up the stairs, i thot of switching off my mp3 player liao. jus den, i realise something BAD.

i forgot to take my keys!!! i left it at home!!! damn !!

the only way is to go back home to get it. sighzz.. as i walked home, suddenly got a person (seem like guy) wif blonde hair, exercise wear. den funy, on my way after takignt he keys, i saw him again, this time he's walking home..

it seems like there is a reason for everything tat's happening to mi.

moving out: i've stayed by myself for almost 2 yrs. during this period, i truly learnt how to fend for myself, n stand up for myself. perhaps, thru this process, i learnt abt being confident? or maybe i am clearer abt my stand now, so i am more confident. these few mths, i am oso able to see things better (not the eye sight), n appreciate things more. like now, i tend not to shout at my mum.

2 reasons. wat';s done is done. shouting n scolding no use. it's jus getting u frustrated n my mum feeling bad. scolding never does anything good. it';s hurts a reln. i'll prefer to stay quiet, n do things the correct way in my view.

and, she is my mum. i dun wan to lose temper at her unnecessarily. having been thru ups n downs, i can put myself in her shoes better. in past, she always do things for us, without asking for payback. to the pt of getting up in midst of night, to ensure the clothes r ready for wearing, n tat, taking care of the family as best she can. but, being a human, n a emotional mum, she too has her tantrums. but my siblings still take her for granted. questioning y she did things w/o telling them.

n yes, being a mum, n mi the youngest child who she always deems mi unable to take care of myself, she will wanna cook my every meal, ensure i have a good dinner. in the past, if soemthing's not right, i;'ll get sensitive, n rant off. now, i jus (learn from my sis) keep quiet, n do wat i need to make things right. n abt the meal thing, to the pt tat, even if i hungry, she readily make a quick meal for mi. i appreciate tat, cos, if my bf is hungry, i sure oso over-react n respond fast like her. wat;'s more, i'm her baby, n the youngest. i rmb, during the CNY reunion dine, she was doing some last min food prep. i ask her to eat first. den when she eat, i saw her utensils not ready, so i took for her.

n last yr, a frn (personal frn, fridae frn) who i thot will b fun if we could b together, had taught mi tat, as long as u knw wat u r doing, dun worry, jus do so. y bother abt ppl's views?

rmb mi toking abt my eyes twitching? i think it's a way of letting mi knw certain thing will happen. n letting mi learn how to deal wif uncertainties of life. i'm not sure how true is my thinking, but it's how i see it.

n, all along, i been working in helpdesk positions. since day 1 of fulltime work, i oni had 1 programming position, whcih i din really work hard for. i take them for granted, n din see the need to fight for the post. den now, after being stuck in various helpdesk jobs for so long, i'm pretty sure where i really wanna go, for now. programming in java, ie. i knw i dun wan to b stuck in helpdesk, cos it's not my personality to b helpless, n b dependent on others. u know, we can oni try out wat has been proven right. i've been stuck in these places for so long tat, i really determined to b a programmer again. this is my motivation. perhaps if this route din happen, i wun b so determined to achieve my dreams.

as programmers, if i see soemthing not right, i have the power to change it. n being in helpdesk, helped in my communications n thinking n analysis. i am better able to speak over the ph.

haha, saw from a fridae pal description, tat he likes someone, n hope time can stop, den he can b wif tat person forever.

how many times, when we r deeply infatuated wif a person, we hope such things will happen.. but it certainly takes much more for it to happen.

ok, back to mi. seem like i have a confident n mature side of mi, who intends to have a proper frnship wif ppl who appeal to urs truly. however, when something good turns out, like we really can click, n keep in touch, i will hope somethign good will result. is this the lonesome side of mi doing tricks? pining for a possible partner to b wif mi?

Or is this the hope of everyone, who is not deeply attached to someone lovingly?

n when the person, does not appear to b tat interested in mi, i start to feel dejected in LTR again. or am i thinking 2 much, n hoping 2 much things to happen in 2 short a time? oh well, i promised myself, i'll take things slowly, n promised him as well. he jus got off a reln... before which he was always cinging on to gers. either we stay as frns, or progress.. see abt it first.

BUT 1 thing i mus change is, when ppl shows some poor or slow response, i shld not b so conclusive n think tat e person is tired of toking to mi... esp when the plc is SO noisy! but overall, i did enjoy my time on VALENTINE DAY!!

HAPPY belated VALENTINE'S DAY!!! ALL HUMANS, LIVING THINGS, N ANYTHING THAT HAS AN EXPIRY DATE!!!

heh, will it b 2 much to say? jus when i'm having problem deciding where to eat, the jnr coleague n KK stepped in to say, the place n food does not matter. it's jus the few hrs anyway.

well, to mi, it does. the place shld have the ambience tat's conducive for our moods. not necessary romantic or silent, but it shld cater to y we wanna dine. for a simple fare of get together, kopi tiam no prob. for ppl who prefer a relaxed plc to dine n enjoy anything (non sexual), a proper restaurant is good, so tat there will b no unnecessary inconvenience. for catching up, if the person is a veli chinese, den sure kopi tiam is enuff. but if it's ppl who is modern n prefer buzzy area, starbux is perfect.

so for mi, tmr is valentine. i wna things to turn out nicely. i am inot romantic settings n surprises. within my budget stuff. i oni knw local n jap food. he is ok wif jap. n i got 10% disc at ajisen. so go eat there loh. if go foodcourts for jap food, yes it's jap, but the feeling n ambience is diff. at restaurant, still got ppl to serve us haha...

about work:
went to sign the letter liao luh!! but.. the start date is 22mar. my official last day is 23. but i intend to clear my leave on 22n23. boss say ok. oni scared last min they break promise.

valentine day:
wat's exactly going on?

i had confidence n know wat i am doing when i arrange for apptmts. but today, when i tried to arrange for 1, i got EMOTIOANLLY CHARGED. i am so worried tat the time wud not suit the schedule, n whether i am confident of getting the seat.

i have 1 restaurant in mind. but i'm knocking off at 8pm. the restaurant will b packed (by std timing, let alone 14th feb). packed till i not sure, or even no chance that by 8pm, seats still available. but i know, the dinner mus still go on. i went to the jap restaurant below my office. wah, EX n abnormal menu. but i booked the seat for 2 at 7pm.

it's SO werid n insincere n evil if i ask my date to chop a seat, n wait for mi there. i'm initiating the dinner, n yet ask him wait for mi?? no way.

i den thot of changing the time to lunch instead. wah, i seriously dunno if the time can match. will it b 2 rushing??

for a moment, .... i felt tat, i'm losing control of myself. totally. where is the confident mi?? the confident person who knwo wat he's doing, n y he's doing it? i'm getting too much into the appointment. thinking of planning the appointment, but no confidence of whether i'm setting the correct time or not.

oh well, perhaps it's supposed to b a relaxed n "casual" dinner, but if it's too crowded, it may not be tat enjoyable after all, which is not wat shld happen.

perhaps the fear of doing something not rite is getting inot mi. too much, into mi. it's nice, but definitely not gd in the long run. i will become a crybaby. n a decision-asker, instead of maker.

1 thing i can confirm, i dun think i'm treating it as a mere meal. more to the start of a process to knwo a person better. if i'm emotionally charged, i may think too personally, not able to see the full pic.

as i went to get some water, during the walking, i actually felt the emotional strain. the pressure of acceptance. for a long time, i've not experienced 2 sides of mi. or rather, for the first time. 1 is emotionally charged mi. 1 is the confident mi. i'm waiting for a confirmation sms for timing.

1 side of mi says, is the person alright? shld i call to check? why no reply sms yet?
1 side of mi says, well, i'm waiting for a confirmation sms. wat is there to worry?

blabbering watever in my mind now... simply 2 free n my mind dun wan b tied down to reading up j2se stuff... (DARN)

sianzz.. err.. dun wan make it into my grumbling page. now, downloaded some j2se ide to try out.

i am 26 tis yr liao. but i'm still living my life in the same old way. dun see any change in it, other than maturity in my mindset n career direction. i am more confident in my language and communication skills. n knw the reason behind many things whcih i din realise... such as finishing my deg course ASAP. in past, i din think much of the adv of obtaining a deg. feeling tat it's jus another lvl of edu. tat y i din feel it's necessary to finish it ASAP, as, to mi, it's jus studying. but now, as i see my finance status clearer (not clearly yet), n felt it's a MUZ to finish in shortest time possible. cos, if i dun fisnih it, it'll b a burden on mi financially.. which i dun wan sustain much longer. i duno if the deg will help mi in future anot, but i jus wanna finish it. haha.. my planning sux huh?

um, my blog is quite messy lah.. not organised in terms of contents, cos 2 much to write, n din have a chance to. like.. last wk, the sat n sun, i totally not at home. accompanying my briton frn here/there for "shopping". den next day, go chalet n relaxed there. den met a frn for dine. everythign is pretty fun. esp now tat i'm more comfortable wif myself (lively, chatty n perhaps havoc), i can give pretty fun chats in the proper manner. den suddenly, tis wk, sat n sun, i nothing to do, other than fixing my pc n reading. wah, big change in lifestyle siazz..

after coming back from australia, n been thru downs, i'm better able to understand why ppl do certain thigns. as in, if ppl like u, they wun hesitate to help u. some ppl may even b eager to help u. somehow, if u understand how emotions work, u will know wat will happen next...

being cool headed most times is nice. but when u meet someone who just give u tat special feeling, u can try ur best, but ur heart n mind will still b in a mess. ur heart tells u, u really wanna him by ur side, n know him better. personally n physically. butur mind tells u, takes things slowly. good things come to those who wait. if he's urs, he can't siam. u have ot take thigns easy, but not sloppy. show tat u treasure him, but not irritate him. haha..

who is this guy???

i really like tis kinda fig... lean, not tat skinny, nice to touch, good to feel, easy to hug haha

from AFAR, he lok so much like LESLIE!!! haha

he's such a family guy image siazz.. i guess shrot hair, tidy, clear face, nice smile is wat it takes to project tis image?

he's the best looking campus superstar... haha, he can try modelling though.. =D

(last night) sighzz.. a bit lazy to blog sizz..

(morning) haha, a new refresh mi... a load is off my shoulders now. yes, it's the new job offer. well, we tok over ph last mon, they say ok tat i start in end mar. den for 4 days, they din call mi at all. ytday, i called them, wanna b firm on my stand, tat if they still not ready, i gonna sign on another job. so i called, turned out tat, the start date they not ok, saying tat the proj will b ending by the time i join. den i told them, i actaully need 1 mth notice still. he say "ya ya, 1 mth is ok" n ask when i can join earlier. in end, i confirmed wif my boss, tat my last day is 23rd Mar, but clearing leave on 22 and 23, while i start work in new plc on 23rd mar. phew, still 1 day to rest. n i confirmed... i borrowed a bk on java 1.4, to read on some practical egs. den will borrow exam kit to buck up on my theories. oh ya, will b signing contract on monday.

will tis be a long blog siazz??

watching ch U's campus superstar repeat. i really admire youngsters these days, so many channels for them to explore and express themselves. the world is really changing. but actually, wat (exactly) brings about the change? i admire their courage to sing in public. somehow, i love singing, but dun have the courage to do so in public. no confidence. but when a mike is in hand, i am ready to sing.

i am seeing a big change in my life now. not gonna elab so much. but think abt it. my hp plan will reduce drastically from 70$ a mth to25.20$ a mth. no rental. earning more money. going into my beloved programming lang. i'm changing from a person who pursues relns to someone who treasures frnship, n hope such frnship can last. i am oso not tat defensive abt my opinions, ideas, and comments, whenever soemone tries to overrule them. once my pt has been made, i wun wan to defend further. it's no longer about winning a case, but more to making my pt clearly. a few msn frns, they r still looking and longing for a LTR. they r my age or even older. they hope the person they like will turn out to b their life partner. but is keeping a LTR so hard? or jus gay world? gay world, referring tot he desire for better sex, exciting sex, n perhaps diff partners. n i'm more confident of my abilities, image, n relationship skills. although i still need to buck up. and i have been living independently for almost 2 years. independency helped to develop my survivial skills, individual thinking, nad self-worthness thoughts. Or rather, soem frns made me realise that.

*can any1 tell mi, wat shld i do when, my mum keeps yelling at mi for not willing to help my bro for internet issues, when i am in NO position to help? i cant tell her off. i can oni take it n bear it..*

i've finally worked at a place for almost a year. realised tat the corporate world is really not tat simplistic. trust and communication is utmost important. when i first started on the job, oh well, my attitude was not tat gd, cos i felt cheated. i supposed to be tecnician, solving PC issues hands-on. but ended up in helpdesk, picking phones. den when i accepted my fate, i have probs communicating wif my team. diff expectations n work values. whne they tell mi somethigns, i got defensive. i thot they were trying to make mi look bad.

mths on, i was better able to click wif them. den a new colleague, KK, came in. he is my jnr, n i was glad to guide him along. later on, another new ger came in. i have lotsa bad impressions of the comp, but no 1 for mi to share it wif. so i decided to bfrn tat ger. things turned out GOOD. i clciked wif her, n played wif her. n even cameout to her, due to tis, we can tok abt guys. i dun have to keep my opinions abt gers anymore. i can oso bitch wif her abt office stuff.

but i nvr realise tat, the jnr staff who seem to be on nice terms wif snr, oso have some bad things to tok abt snr. when she suddenly revealed her feelings to mi abt snr, i was stunned. from then on, anything abt KK or snr, i directly shared wif her.

being an experienced staff, i am able to tell them wat to do form my experience. haha, tis is certainly where "mins 2-4 yrs exp" comes in. some things r not tat clear cut, n needs exp to solve them. n having been thru some "acceptance" stage at this place, i can better understand how KK felt. when he evolved from a staff attendignt o customers n interacting directly wif them, to a staff picking up ph calls.

haha.. my, it's really seeing a REAL diff aspect of life.

having a bad feeling.. on my way home, 10pm, my left eye twitched. left side normally mean something bad will happen.. i wonder if it links ot my job confirmation... sianzz.. but well, still have to call tmr to check.

not a very ez wk to pass. got confirmation for a new job, but until now haven sign anything yet. i cant wait tat long. i decided. i'll call up the comp. if they haven got the letter ready yet, i'll tell them, i got another offer. if they really prepared to take mi in, they'll wnana sign mi on. haha.. good idea? sighzz.. b4 i thot of it, i almost wnana jus b frank: ask if the contract is ready. if not yet, tell them i'll b looking for other jobs as well. n keep pushing them. but kauzz, tis makes mi sound so despo!!! so i think tat is better... anyway, had a bad experience wif indian bosses. the founder tis new comp is indian prof.

den, back to my life. haha, i cant blif it. but i had to. my gal pal, she jus started work n planning to buy lotsa gadgets n stuff. wow. sure sounded loaded. but, working of cos will get salary. n she dun have any debts (sch fee) to pay off. so when she got money, can spend n buy things. mi? still stuck wif my debts. got ppl ask y i dun take bfast (yes, i dun.. or avoid it). if u have the spare money, u cna of cos eat anything u desire, anytime u free. but i dun. i'm bad at financial planning. i oni know i cant spend too much every mth. i set aside a max of 300$ mthly for my expenditure - INCLUDING buying things to pamper myself. so, at times, even if the cost is oni < 5$, i need to consider it properly.

since skipping bfast dun kill mi, den i dun have to go for it. spend as lil $$ as can for lunch. den enjoy my dinner properly... haha.. strange... ppl say bfast is most impt n dinner shld b l;ightest. for mi, i skip former, n gorge myself for latter. when i really got extra money to spend, perhaps i'll really appreciate fine dining then HA!

umm.. my exorbitant costing hp service plans.. contract ending this 7th mar 06. PHEW!!!!! imagine mi paying a min of 70$ mthly siazz!!! got 2000 min free tok time 300 sms to use. but in fact, i dun use tat much tok time. i think tat';s more for associates' level ppl usage. for mi, starhub 25.20 n m1's plan r sufficient liao. wah... hahah... if things go well, hp bill lower, rental no need, n higher pay... hehe... sounds a good year to mi.. :) but..

how good is starhub's service?? any1 know?? any feedback??? the offer for new sub'ers is GOOD, n delicious. but do i have to suffer bad hp reception? pls, tell mi, pls!! haha.. anyone know?

now i am at a loss. on monday, i called the enw job to confirm tat i wan it n they say will print the contract, n get mi n director sign. i m veli happy.

almost wnaan send out the termination letter. but i knwo it;s not right. shld wait for the new job to b confirmed. but think of it, i ned 45 days. not a 1mth. the new job supposed to start 1 mth time, but i delay it. dun wan explain more, but felt better to terminate first. got 45 day grace to hunt.

but tues liao, no reply from new job yet. i even emailed to the person, reminding him abt the signing of contract. i think sendign that remidner is enuff liao. dun wan to keep pushing. now, i starting to lose confidence in myself. whether i really can get the job anot. i prayed to god tat night of interview, hoping to get the job. my prayers were answered. but will it pull thru?

no pt to keep waiting. n getting the contract ready for signing shld not b so long. so, perhaps on friday, i'll call the new boss again, n see if the contract is ready. strnage, they not in hurry to confirm mi siazz. se wat they say. if the contract is not ready by fri, i will ask if the offer is still on. if things go haywire... i'll take full responsibility of my career still..

again.. i got lotsa ideas to write.. well, too much things to say, too lil time. esp when i dun have internet to use... sianzz..

1) i'm happy tat li xiao zhou managed to get into the finals!! wah, i rmb, he got 1 time almost kena kick out. tat was when the kiddy host lost least prof pt. den LXZ kena the least pop guy. at tat pt, my gal pal was wif mi, n when he managed to pull thru, i got so excited i hit her wif my bolster! ahha.. from then on, i decided to send 10 sms to support him, so tat less chance of him getting kicked. these days, he 90% of time sure the top scorer 1. but pop level need to improve. but can see tat more n more ppl support him.. from the least pop wks back, now he somewhere in the middle. but hor, the gers seem like soooo god at PR siazz.. everytime, get top 2 in pop votes.

2) i managed to see that, other than PC, i can still engross myself in watching DVD. haha, well, tat's how boliao ppl kill time.. watch anytime, anywhere.

3) over the weeks, esp after coming back from Oz n enjoying NY celeb wif a new found pal, close frn, buddy watever (dunno how to group him yet), i am learning more abt the importance of going out n catching up wif frns. learnt more abt wat's life n enjoying life means. y ppl often meet up n catch up wif frns.. but tat will happen oni when i really financially viable.

now my hp svc plan is 2k mins free tok time, 300 sms. but then, i seldom call out to ppl to chat. rather than calling, y not jus sms or meet up? i will change my hp service plan, intend to go for the more sms n adequate tok time plan.. den sms to stay in touch n gossip wif frns, den tok time, to pick incoming calls. use sms to plan stuff, calling is when it's urgent. anyway, i'm moving back home tis june, so ph tok shld b no prob

4) i've just sent out my termination letter. on monday, the new boss say will print out the proper contract n get director to sign n ask mi sign. they agree READILY to my proposed start date. like no urgency like dat. i'm thinking, if the delayed start date is not ok for them, they will voice out to mi right? wun keep mum, n confirm other ppl.. this may happen lah, but hope they wun do this. n wat's more, the person confirmed mi 1 day after my interview 1 leh. i sent out my term letter fast, as i need 45 days notice. not a 1-mth. the later i send, the later i can start. anyway, i jus hope things will turn out fine for mi. my first time to get a higher pay.

even if *CHOYZZZZ* nothign good turn out, i will still keep applying for new jobs. now i got a 45days grace period to secure a position for mi. if not, i think i'll ask if i can stay longer longer longer... to reach my full 1 yr of svc...

5) i'm trying to control my EQ properly so tat i wun commit the "at the spur of moment" thingy. i wonder if i'm doing well. a frn who my.. new pal intro to mi on NY, i complimented he's "desirable". "hot" is nice, but it's used too much, esp another person tat day commented i am hot. i called tis frn after CNY, den he was going for his gym routine. wnana tok more, but he no time. but he ok for a dinner.

so tis noon, i called him, rej my call. first time, he picked n hang up, 1 sec. 2nd time, he jus rejected. i called him jus now (a 6 hr lag) n he still rej. so i sms him..

"u bz the whole day?"
"yea sori"
"den u free for a dine?"
"not today. sori. another day perhaps?"
"i din mention today, did i?"
**no reply at all**
"gosh, nw u r too busy to even reply sms. u muz b really tied up, man. u free for dine ?"
"hi, sorri for not answering u. was in a arg wif someone jus now. i cant confirm my time wif u for thurs. can i let u know again? thx!"
**no reply from mi**
"umm, hope e arg din piss u off 2 much."

haha, did i sound impartial, pissed, firm unhappy but calm, or? i hope i sounded firm, direct, calm, but putting the pt across tat, "hey, i asking u out for dine. dun thnk 2 much, dun assume. rej my call 3 times? r u avoiding mi, or really tat busy? if u really think tt, jus 'cos u r desirable, i will have some ulterior motives for dining wif u, get a good view of ur life."

next day, will tok abt wat i learnt from my current job. yes i still managed to learn things from here. haha, tat's y i getting sianzz here. i cna oni say, they dun have any professionalism.

*time to KO...*

today despo housewives again back in action!!

come to think of it, the first work day of the CNY, i got an interview for my java. they told mi by next wk, i can knw results. den on 2nd day, i was confirmed. they even sent email, draft copy of contract, n called mi to tell mi. so fast rite? i am of course happy n excited abt it. den 3rd day, or rather tat same 2nd day, another agency called mi, asking mi interview wif singtel. i was really stunned. 2 interviews together. am i really so lucky in CNY?? the first job is perm job. 2nd is contract job, which required mi nto to discuss abt salary at all.

cos my current contract need mi to give a whopping 45days notice, if not pay a large sum of $$, my family decided tat i shld try to delay start date wif new place. haha.. funny. on saturday, my bro was celeb his bday in a big way (book chalet, even tho he is 29 tis yr liao.. but well, he's getting married tis yr) n i was out wif my frn chris whole day. so din go at all. dinner i settled myself.

den sunday, even the wkly bfast/lunch is gone, cos whole family in chalet. but frankly, i dun see the need for mi to go in the first place. cos he will be celeb wif his frns mah. i go there, duno do wat. other than bio'ing ppl.

den, haha, my uncle (whose son is CUTE) called mi, asking if i wanna go wif them to chalet. haha, well, i duno wat to eat for bfast, lunch n wnana save up oso. was jus wondering hwo to settle my meals.. ask frns out?? den hor, his invitation came at such hr tat i so LUCKY siazz!!! n hor, when i saw his sms, i even thot the time is out for mi liao.. but it's jus on time =D. so i took his car to the chalet n relaxed myself there.. cool.. the SAF chalet.. fantastic!

oh ya, had lunch at swenson. n i admit i behave intimately wif my cousin boy boy. he invited mi to sit wif him, n i shared my food wif him.. haha, i simply felt i am loving towards him.. in this way,my lunch n bfast settled!

i have to call new company monday moprning to confirm my start date. at night, my right eye twitched. den the next morning, i called, wnana see if they ok wif mi start in late mar. wah, they din ask reason, n jus agreed!! i was stunned!!! they din even ask y.. but hor, sigh, to protect myself, i still cant resign yet. cos not yet sign paper.

den tis evening, my other interview, slated for tues 10am, was postponed, as the ger was unwell. wah, 2 things crop up...

shld i stil send my letter? cos i need 45 days to leave properly...

fnally.. my PC is up and running fine. no need to spend extra on HD mainbod etc. it's not mi to be pessimistic...

on the day my pc is up, i felt excited at the thot of it. but when it did happen, i din jump at all.. i was kinda hungry to respond in a excited way.

i survived 2 weeks without being online. Or specifically, without my comptuer at all. No Tv, no computer, no messing around wif system files. ahah, now, too much things tat r in my mind, forming bits and pieces of news. after my failure at J2SE, i began reading up on PR n workplace reln books. i learnt from them. den i started to feel the goodness of reading books. since den, i been reading a lot...

over CNY, din get to watch my NY countdown vids, but finished watching the korean drama "Full Hose". even at my aunt;s plc, they watching Rain's HK concert, he was flaunting his bod oso. n my aunt "hinted": y now i suddenly so into Rain? since i felt tat those korean dvds jus boliao... haha, i jus said "the show is funny n hilarious mah" hahah...

n serious, he si really showing off his body in the concert n drama. imagine in the first 4 eps of the show, he jus strip off at every possible scene. he was even wearing shorts at times, revealing his muscled thighs. den the concert, he knows he's cool for his body, not voice. so very often, he will strip off his clothes bit by bit n piece by piece.

he will even rip open his white shirt n kneel down, while water is raining on him... haha...

been a long time since i last blogged... all 'cos my pc is down.. really down.. a lot of things have been happening.. good.. n bad? well, i oni rmb the good things though... wanna forget the bad 1s.. yes, i got internet in office, but i dun use it when i'm not working OT (unlike now). i dun blog during office hours, but after.

umm, well, toked to a poly frn.. jus frn lah, but we chatted for 1.5 hrs siazz.. but, come to think of it, we din meet for a yr, thus lotsa things to say. n i'm happy tat, she comented i've become more confident of myself. yes, i agree. i'm more confident of wat i am, my purpose in being alive and kicking. i exude confidence in my dressing (image), opinions (unless ppl intentionally put mi down, n i dun wish to tok back), relationships, n self worth. my 25th yr of living has been a self-realisation yr.

realising tat frnship last longer than LTR,
even if we like someone, it does not mean we have to have physical contact with him, seeing him happy is enuff liao,
n if u take someone as a frn, u'll want the better for him. u wun mind helping him out watever n however u can.

funny. i'm addicted to a new song now. yes, i was addicted to TATU's All About Us, n stuff. now, i can say, if any GUY is to sing "O-Zone"'s "Dragostea Din Tei", i'll most likely melt. ya, this song came out some time back, abt 6 mths. i heard the song on TV, but tat was when it sounded like disco wif some cutie cartoons. i wasn't turned on by tat.

when the singaporean "guo mei mei" sang it, oh-my-gosh is my response.

den, somehow, i heard on radio or some tv channels, the song starting at "nu ma nu ma..", followed by
"Miya-hee
Miya-hoo
Miya-ho
Miya-haha"
i immediately fell for it. it's cute, funky, simple, relaxing, w/o stress.. jus a fast tempo song, giving u no chance to think too much abt wat it's trying to do. ah, ya, its non-english lyrics helped lotsa. in the english lyrics, its meanings are all revealed. but i still prefer the non-eng 1. feeling the music wif its "non-sensical" lyrics made mi feel someone is entertaning mi to appease mi or to accompany mi when i'm down. saying "relax, calm down, everything will be over soon. i'll b here for u".

haha, am i getting 2 engrossed? well, i'm loving it n ... falling for it.. whichever shld come first logically.

oh ya, after reading up on the 2 bks from NLB, i starting to enjoy reading books. to kill time n to improve my general knowledge. not inot those fictious bks. more to general knowledge... psychology, interpreting ppl's behaviour n finding out the best possible response.

is this a lot to write? nothing in mind to bitch abt. letting things take its place slowly n naturally, writing down wat's happening to mi internally...