updates for friday

here are my updates..

after work, i went wif a colleague to meet my frns for movie.. sigh.. as i'm wif a colleague, not a frn, when i saw hunks, i cant even stare at them.. had to peep at them... darn it..

den met my frns n chatted wif them over dinner... 1 thing i dislike abt my sex appeal is.. ppl are usually attracted to my body.. so much so that they sometimes fail to impress mi.. n fail to strike interesting chats. it's especially evident on tis day!

i've not met a foreigner frn.. who's keen on sm like mi.. n yes, he's interested in mi too. i notice that, our conversation seldom exclude SM topics. although it's our common interest, i dun think that's our only chat topic. n somehow.. kinda true.. the higher expectations we have on the outcome of a meet/gathering, the greater the disappointment there may be..

the worse thign is, when no topic seem to be interesting enough, an old n passe topic came in: wat type of guys do u like?

i was really stunned..

but during our dinner, i did share my fantasy story again... lol:
when a guy gets kidnapped for ransom, he's usually brought to an isolated room. in this room ,he's tied to the chair n blindfolded. he cna't move. denteh kidnappers call for ransom. after the call, they felt that the victim does look good n decides to have some fun first.. they begin to remove his shirt.. n pull off his pants, caress his.. n remove his undies after he's got a hard on..

den came to the movie timing!! it's Casino Royale!! CY, i din really knw tat it's a sequel to 007. but after seeing the trailer, i start to feel tat he's the oni person who's able to portray the image of a spy.. i duno.. i just felt that he's the perfect actor for such a spy role.. brosnan.. i've not watched the show.. but i felt he's another actor who's been given the role to act.. perhaps it's cos, daniel has a swimming trunks scene, and he's got a well maintained body.. shows tat he can really run n be an efficient spy..

n.. hhe, after knowing we gonna watch this show, den someone told mi there will b sm scene.. lol ..i dinno how intensive it wll b.. thot it'll b perhaps some captive being tied up n abused.. dinno who will kena.. n during the movie, of cos i'm looking out for it.. hehe..

all along, i was looking forward to it.. n good to see tat daniel came out from the sea in trunks pretty soon.. he's realyl got a cool body for his age!! n i can even count the number of scenes he went topless!! lol.. n finaly the scene came!!!

wow... his shirt is first torn open and removed... den the next scene, he's seated on the chair and tied to it. frontal scene of cos oni show his chest n bit of abs. but side scenes, u can see he's not wearing anything...

the abuser den used a rope to hit daniel's CBT moderately. eehhh, although i wonder how will it feel in real life (cos i sure he din hit it), i dun desire to feel it. i felt tat was cool... lol.. when daniel din give in, the abuser tried something wrose.. lol.. well i watch too much vid liao.. tat y got such wayward thinkinig... i was hoping the abuser will tease him n give him a hard on lol..

den the abuser pushed the chair down.. lol... wif the push, his penis shld b touching his bladder... lol... oohhhh.. i wan the uncensored version!!!!

saturday happenings..

wow, i certainly had enjoyed my day to the fullest... 90% of the day...

i went to my office gym club there to workout.. yes i signed up as member liao.. not tat far for mi lah. went to the gym to try the machines.. quite nice.. esp.. when there is a cute, i think, malay guy working out.. he's quite fit though ;)

den later went for a swim.. wah.. .the last time, i almost had a fling in the steamrm. tis time, the pool, got a guy in trunks lying on the suntan chair. n he readily lifts his arms during the tan, so tat his frontal, including his arm pit, gets tan. he noticed my stare n glares. i know. but he din glitch.. i suspect he is waiting for something.. but then.. in such open space, wat can have happened??

i went to the steamrm.. hoping to see someone there.. if not, wait for ppl.. BUT nothing happened... argh... boring day lol.. but at the pool there, when i started to swim, i knw i found my swimming heaven... it's serene n pte.. it's my ideal location!!

after day ended

i took the bus back home.. den wah lioa.. the bus is crowded, n not a bendy bus. so i moved to the back of the bus. den.. suddenly got another uncle oso move in... ok the bus got 2 lanes of seats rite? i was at 1 lanes holding the rails of the seat. den strangely, the uncle is behind mi, but holding the handrail of the front seat. n yet, his whole body is slanted to b very near mi.. kauz!! n everytime his action (moving arm) always pushes his body onto mi! i tried to move away, but no space.. in end, i decided to use my bag to block him off.. it worked lol..

however, later someone from th back seat wanna alight, n yelled at mi to give way.. wah liao.. i told mi calmly "there is space for you to move", n he.. i think furiously moved over, pushing my bag off to make way for himself... but i held on to my bag lol

den during dinner at the bro stall there.. wah... i saw a downright dashing dude sitting n eating at the stall there!!! wah... can't take my eyes of him!!! i oni dare to sit behind him n look at his back once a while.. but his frn noticed oso.. tat y.. when i left, they both looked up at mi.. but i... erally dun wanan look.. i dun dare look.. he's too dashing.. if i face him while dining, i dun think i can finish my dinner..... i'll b 2 engrossed...

wah liao.... the first round of elimination for guy superstar.. i really... unexpected!!!!

kenny kena eliminated... den the ex-artiste huang shi yu oso kena... hahah... i really dunno wat's going on... kenny is cute... well... at least i dun need to waste my sms anymore.. jus listen to how the ppl sing.. n comment...

i now... seriously wonder wat will happen in next round... i fear for my daren.. tat beng kia..

rmb the stylish guy? during the few days of orientation, he look so student guy.

tdy i saw him again, queueing up for the company lunch bus. wah, he's in proper office attire.. look so mature siazz! i mean, really look those < 30yo working class guy.. i wonder, if he's in tis attire at the orientation, will i still take note of him...

somehow, i think i'm getting nuts... i think sometime back, i did mention someone from singtel supposed to come to my plc.. a guy.. but den, no news ever after...

haha.. den i kept calling the singnet side for 2 wks.. n he finally called back! ahah.. he was trying to make some more investigations.. n i did ask y he din call back lah.. i wonder if there's a chance to make him come over to my plc lol... he sounds quite alright.. those young man tone lol.. dunno his real age though..

den.. another thing is my gym mship... sianzz.. last time, b4 my exams, i got a deal for the gym. but i din grab it.. den recently i called again, n the deal is like gone.. so i tried calling a few times... i wonder if i shld sound so persistent... u see, last wk, i called up. the person i spoke to said she'll get the senior to call mi back to decide if i can get back teh deal. no news over the wkend. monday, i called again, she's off duty. tues (today), i called, she said the deal is off. i den tried to persuade her to give mi back the deal. she say she will get the finance to call mi back after lunch.

ok.. but they nvr called... well, i think tmr i'll call again. but tis time, if she get the ph, i'll jus tell her, tat i'm really keen to get the mship. n if they r not keen on getting a new member on board, i can always go to other places, just tat i've been there n found it cosy.. etc those nice words... n leave a final line: if they are not keen, while i'm to sign on, i have to give it up, and join other clubs...

save me some face lol..

4 mths back, as a freelancer, i took photographic shots of people who wanna try out new poses... i shot for 2 guys. 1 is according to how he wants it. 1 is according to hwo i think he can project his image.

nw... i editing the latter's pix. wah liao... we took 2 days to finish the shots. first day, is fashion wear. 2nd day is.. loose till sexy n hot shots. wah... i dun dare to see his 2nd day's shots siazz.. scared too hot for mi to tahan..

think i can start to embed youtube videos in my page, instead of linking to the site..

see how ler..

Homosexuality in Animals

superstar audition

few days back, wanna blog liao, but site down, n i lost my lines.

i jus watched superstar tat final audition round. i had wanna watch wed ep, but i missed it!! i then recorded thur ep. luckily!!!! wed ep is gers, thur ep is guys!!! wah liao.. now i'm mesmerised by 2 guys....

1 is cute (beng) guy kenny, 1 is true blue beng kia.. daren!! siao... my hp bill sure go up tis month... i mean, in the mth tat i vote for them..

den got 2 more guys inside who caught my eyes... 1 is kinda cute huang shiyu.. 1 is hip hop style mingyao...

everytime got such audition, all star-wannabe go for it.. i oso had the intention.. but wah liao, seeing their strengths, i start to back out from my thots, n back to real life... hehe.. i think.. sooner or later, i'll really go to pub n sing there instead..

adam's diamond show

n some time back, adam's diamond serial show jus ended. n i recorded every ep of the show, n was watching it.. COOL BODY... or HOTTIE!! i wonder... in this show, he's low EQ n tends to reject ppl's good intentions. in real life, i wonder hwo will he react/respond if he knows he's got a huge followers of gay... lol... hopefully i can post his pix soon..

umm.. he's always been the supporting role... he's got the figure, n his own personality n character.. (low EQ??), should the producer make 1 film for him.. tat dun need too much facial expr (jus like when lee jin mei returned to TV) n jus flaunting on his body... maybe can b together wif julian hee.. can b a show tat's abt tey both workibng as gigolos n thot nothing abt marriages, oni think of hooking up wif gers. den got 1 time, they r hooked to a ger, or tat ger is hooked to them n tried to change them... den the drama effect starts... hehehe...

lol.. watching... ok.. i reading my work stuff.. n watching blue video @ the same time (hahah... got my meaning?).. sigh... got a scene, in whcih a couple is lying inside bathtub. the top n btm both facing the ceiling, wif the btm sleeping on top's body. the top den was fondling the btm's face, n turning btm on by twitching the nipps.

wah... den i thot... how nice if (great) sex equates (good) love... cos... from the scene, it feels tat, the btm is loved by the top.. n cared for... ehhe.. carry on watchign the vide..

wah i long time nvr use the "expand" "collapse" feature of my blog.. almost 4got how to use it siazz... if u had read my previous blog b4 tis 1, u can read again.. cos hehe.. i forgot to update the... things.. now can expand liao!!

thank you

oh well, after working in tis place for sometime, n... observing behaviour.. i realise that.. "thank you" is a way of appreciating the efforts that a person spent on a work. it may b little, or a lot. u duno. so TY is the best n fastest way to appreciate it.. cos... on thur, the work i did to make things work was tremendous to mi.. cos i knw the urgency.. den when it's done, my sup thanked me. he dunno how/wat i did. but perhaps knw it took pains.

AOB

aiyo, i still got my room to clear up (thx to the person who left a room of garbage for mi to clear before moving to live wif his wife in their new plc), n blogs to read... wat else... umm albums to buy.. new clothes.. (many of my home clothes now r plagued with holes!!! sexy? lol)

backlog

wow... these months (not days, not weeks), i've been accumulating lotsa fantastic pix in my pc, waiting to b put into my blog siazz.. but no time at all.. nw got some time liao.. but so many thign to clear!!! emails (i've got near 2k number of emails to clear for my gmail u knw!!!), pix (snaps from my TV-PC), and sharign of videos... wah lioa... how i gonna allocate time??

sentosa

i mentioned sentosa rite? hehe.. quite fun, pairing up wif my cute guy.. ran around a few areas.. wah liao, saw my 42sar ppl there siazz.. young looking dudes, fit, lean... when i walk among them, i feel as though i'm their age!! LOL..

den saw a caucasian hunk, wif a drooling body n... muscles.. every part of his well-trained body is worth looking at... cool body.. n took soem pictures.. at will lol... ahhaha.. nw i got a treasured picture liao!!!! wahhaah... but it's nt for public viewing... lol.. den wat's the pt of writing here, u ask? hehe, well i wanna boast abt it!!! but then... i shld have gotten bolder, n took pix wif other frnly n nice guys... whahah...

n worth mentioning, is the counter staff at dolphin lagoon. i needed help for our game, n he... self-lessly dun mind giving us the things we need siazz!!! so ncie of him!! n i'd say him cute... due to tis? i nt sure./..

haircut

i went for haircut today... n again my darling boy is helping mi lol.. tis time he got pc problem to ask mi.. n abt the computer stuff... i tried to explain to him.. but used lotsa efforts siazz.. cos he's not IT-inclined.. quite a nice chat... den i asked if he wanna go gym.. he declined.. saying he dun wan come singapore just for gym... ok loh,.. but i did offer to bring him to gym if he wanna... n exchange my numbers wif him!!!! HAHAHAH!!!!!!!!

n now.. finally backt o my hse.. after a 12-hr outing... wahhh....

umm.. everyone on earth loves getting freebies... when you see one, you grab it. So what's the big deal here, when you are offering freebies and reach the 2nd top sale spot, compared to paid papers, which is still selling like hot cakes?? why does it sound as though it's really a FEAT? try making ppl pay for it.

and now... is it nice or bad? youngsters, or simply ... err.. i guess i sum it up as youngsters.. they r more outspoken n knw their rights more, and seek different ways in expressing themselves. but does this make them too... self-centered and too self-opinionated, n 2 this-is-my-self/live mindset?

every1 is having "i have my own views" mindset, due to the internet. i wonder... what will happen in future..

yeah man.. a BIG LOAD off my shoulder.... can there b any pun to it? guess not rite?

finally... a big issue has been resolved.. now i really feel more relaxed... cos, the work started on early oct. the research period. den since mid-end oct, i've been trying my best to make things work, finding ways to resolve isssue, n thinking of y this/tat cant work.. tried various ways... gosh.. i was so tired n so... "am i really so inefficient" thinking...

cos it's like the job is hanging on mi n over so long time, i cant resolve it. i wonder wat wil other ppl do.. will they resolve it in no time, unlike mi? i dunno if i lack self-confidence, or i;'ve high expectations of myself...

den really been trying all day n night siazz... i even blamed some teams (communication of it within my team oni of cos) for not knowing their jobs well.. cos they jus unable to give watever info tat's needed from them.. den while finding a resolution, even kena scold by some ppl.. kauzz..

den tis wed, my first day back at work after exams. i felt so exhausted mentally. my sup ask for updates of the new creation. den i said, from wat i understand, (although he himself told mi), we wait for updates from other teams first.. den he "oh.. ok..". den later, he ask wat did the other guy advise. i told him "his version is using..." den he "oh.. ya... discussed tat before"... hahah... den we finally dwecided tat we will go ahead wif the new creation.

n now, over 2 days time, the devt is finally working.. n the trial is at last working without problem as well! SO COOL!!! the worse is the trial, cos we cant control it.. but luckily./.. hehe... i requested for a restart of the server n it's ok!!! lol///

during tis process.. heard a cute voice though lol... from our infra team lol..

tmr.. we r out to sentosa... chances to see hunks n cuties r VEL IVELI VELI (super) high... unfortunately.. tat stylish guy, nt joining, cos he 2 new n dun wish to join..

umm... for those who dunno how i look, i've updated my profile liao... visit my profile, den see the pic :) if u r a guy, you're welcome to explore deep into my pix there lol.. if not, hehe... it's nt meant for ur consumption =D

for those who wanna appreciate my looks lol, u can go oso... but hehe... jus dun get heart attack ;)

finally... MY EXAMS ARE OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11 for 4 mths, i'm free from books!!!! funny... i'm really .. feel tat i'm free... but again, i dun have the "exam over liao" excited feel. jus felt tat, a tough phase is over... n thot i can finally get back to work again.. but sigh. nt soemthing bad, but.. lol.. i can rmb wat's been going on b4 i went off, but when it came to the facts n figures, haha.. my upperstudy again stumped mi.. sigh.. wat to do, she's looking for efficiency in work.. my mind is still full of studies' stuff.. but when she tok to mi in tech terms abt work, i stunned..

anyway, my internet was down from sun morn onwards.. i can't surf net at all... DSL link flashing. singnet guy say, need ppl to check. apptmt planned on tues. so sunday till tues cant surf... den hor, when the tech guy came over, den i knw the line is ok, but modem could be spoilt siazz!! i wasted 2 days!!! but come to think of it, it meant tat i can focus more on studies.. i wun b distracted to surf net..

next thing is... gosh......... i came out of office, wanting to catch my bus. but i was slightly late. i dun wan go other stops take bus, so i decided to stay there n wait for next bus. wah.. knw wat? later got those gym guys jogging abt siazz!!! jogging in shorts oni... some r real gym guys.. can see their well-defined shapes and tuff bods. quite a sight huh?

den... suddenly, 1 guy walked past mi, to throw rubbish... i looked up, face i cant see clearly, but he's wearing tight n fitting T. wah... good body siazz!!! well-built chest.. den tummy is i blif 6 pax lol.. he's standing behind mi. wah liao, how i wish i can jus keep lokoing at him.. but can't... dun wan scare him off.. later, the bus came... as i waited for the bus to stop, i kept my eyes on him.. but he din look once at mi at all... :(

GREAT LOOKS, SHORT N KEMPT HAIR, BROAD SHOULDERS BUT NOT THOSE BIG SIZE HUNK TYPE, MUSCLES ON ARMS... BOYISH FACE... good looking guy!!! i boarded the bus first.. cos i knw, if i find a good seat, i can see him walking towards mi :P

true!!!! he walks towards mi!!! wah, the body is damn fit n tone siazz!!!!!!! angelic look, monstrous fig?? lol.. n his T is.. short T... barely over his jeans top... hehe.. i noticed it when he was sitting down in front of mi... he was adjustign his posture n i saw tat his T cant cover his entire body siazz... lol.. cant see some flesh on his waist lol...

i wonder.. if i too honry, or they really too good looking... anyway, i've lost my fashion sense... gotta get it back.. i saw there's lotsa Ts wif various designs.. for once, i thot all designs now come wif attitude designs ... lol

n the promised picture... haha.. it jus sounds so funny... tat when i mentioned abt the pic, a number of ppl ask for the site. including the owner of the website!!! i originally allowed oni personal requests for it. but since the owner of the website oredi visited my site liao, den no need to hide my site anymore...

http://tebisha.blogspot.com/2006/08/last-day-crimsonlogic.html the person is appearing in those tat i'm appearing on lol.. so of cos u have to knw how urs truly look lol

hello guys... right nw, i'm really messy wif my exam prepzz. hopefully come wednesday, my cacoon can open (dun think 2 much), den i can post pix, ans questions and accede requests!!! LOL

wish mi lady luck come to my rescue!!! or shld i say... cutie hunkie/boyish luck?? :P

wah liao... i'm really getting old lioa... cant tahan much if i were to wake up in midst of nite.. siongzzz...

anyway... lol.. it seems that both adam n pierre have topless scenes on the last 5 eps of the show whahah.. keep viewers in suspense... but adam better.. start of the show, for first 5-10 eps, everyday wear tank tops or singlet... WOOAAAHHH!!

he looks best in blue singlet... lol... HOTTIE!

wah.... i'm really surprised siazz... really really.. bewildered... tebisha left a comment here... surprise... anyway, details will b let known next wk. after my last exam on 8th nov...

GOD BLESS MOI, BUDDHA BLESS, ... n any helpful... thing... bless mi... i really darn darn daern scared tis time!!! GOSH!!! totally no prep!!!! sometimes, i'm really worried abt my future... wat it holds.. yes it's a mystery n it's fun.. but nt when it causes mi so much strezz!!!

in my bedrm, i wanna wake up 3am, end up i woke up to off the alarm n slept till 6am. power hor? den i tried sleeping in living rm. same. wanan wake 3am, i again off the alarm when woke up n slept till 5+... power hor???

n... tmr is the last ep of the diamond show liao... where is DEAR ADAM carry "linxiangping" scene??? shown?????

i'm trying to prepare my exams nw... but b4 i forget any details, i wanna blog abt today =D

got the employee orientation program going on for new staff. i joined. den when i got there, participants wrote their names on a paper n stuck it to their clothes. mi 2. den got 1 stylish guy... hehe... he is stylish =D n his name is weird/unique too lol.. i took note of him.

little did i knw.. we are assigned to be team mates!!!!!! wah kauzz!! we were seated, n he actually ended up sitting beside mi!!! den i start the ice-breaking session by toking to him.. but he was kinda apprehensive at first of cos.. after some short chats, he opened up slightly.. but later, when we came back from a game, he "unknowingly" switched seats wif mi.. so tat he's on our guys' side, n i ended up sitting next to a ger. ok lah.. tok to the ger oso.. n at times, crack jokes wif her..

so, oso tok a bit to the style guy. n he's sittign in a good way: when i look at the OHP projection, i am actually looking at his direction!! looking at the side of his face!!! n tok a few lines wif him oso..

den after lunch.. things got exciting! umm.. ok. after lunch, the day was getting boring, so i tok more wif him.. but i initiated in chn.. tok simple stuff wif him.. n we hit off nicely :) luffing at some quick witted jokes of mine :) n he oso not afraid of sitting nearer to mi. n his arm movement oso nt afraid of brushing wif mi.. wat's more, he was not around to grab some free sweets. i left mine at my seat. later i went back to my seat, n i found some sweets taken!! it has to be him rite!! hehe.. he's being frnly wif mi!!! cos got other ppl, he could have asked them for sweets, but he took mine when i was not around!!

den got 1 time, he's wearing a sweater. beside mi still. den i hear some unzipping sound from him... wah lioa.. i felt so much like peeping to see the extent of his unzipping!! but nah... cant.. i'll look so odd!!

so, yeah, a frnship has been established!!

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den another fellow... i met him on way to work, waiting for company bus. he's a gentle matured guy... my gaydar tells mi he's 95% aj. den today he oso at the program. n know wat, he's wearing those fitting Ts. got 1 time, he was standing up straight, in front of mi, looking to my right side. as i was looking at his right side, my eyes could see tat he's chest is firm, and his NIPPLES r protruding in such way tat it's very obvious from the way they are pressed against the clothes siazz!! i duno... if it's not office, i may have... initiated soemthing... sexual or jus teasing acts, i dunno... den during tea break, looking at the way he's standing, his chest n nipples.. the overall shape n outline of his chest are pressed onto the shirt siazz..

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umm.. if u guy remember abt mi havign a cute guy as colleague, if u wanna see his pic, pls request by contacting mi personally.. any way can reach mi directly... i'll give u the website ,den u go in. the pix are posted in another person's site, n i DUN wan my blog addy to appear as the referrer to the site. in the case owner checks the logs n visit my blog.. den i siao lioa..

rmb, request for it...

wah liao.. now blogging is not a cool way of writing ur thots anymore.. becoming a std n common channel now.. everything is now blog. even news is gotten from blogs. politicians oso blog.

so wat sthe diff btwn blogs news page now?? if u blog jus to b part of a trend, r u realy blogging, or u r jus jumping into the bandwagon?

in the past, got bulletins, den got forums. den nw, i think blogging is another forum liao.. since when u blog, ppl can comment, and another discussion starts...

trend? or untrend?

umm.. yes, i'm still troubling over my work performance...

i jus thot of something...

my sup commented to my boss tat i'm not alert enuff.. i think sup is not referring to how fast i manage to grasp his words, ... perhaps part of it lah.. but he's more on focussing on how dependent i was on them verifying my results..

cos i jus rmb'ed, when i first got in, they needed mi to update some files.. den tis file.. i kept telling them it's ok liao.. but i din check properly... then whenver they checked, they found something wrong...

buck up!!

gosh.. i think i'm really under intense stress.. for both studies n work..

but i really hope tat, by mid nov, i can really break out of this stressy thing..

studies: as i was oso rushing for my work, i din have muhc time, or even very stressed out to think properly on how to answer the qns. i really cant think from an appropriate POV for my biz module.
then for the programming module, i could have been stressed out, due to having to understand the flow n structure of perl programming. but this perl programming is totally driving mi NUTZZ! i even contemplated running away from it, cos perl is really driving mi crazy. but.. i dun wan disappoint my family...
and due to perl, when i return home n try to do my assignment on programming, i oso dun wan face it n think of a proper algorithm.
sianzz... hopefully i can pass both modules..

den for work: as mentioned, perl is killing mi. but after my assignment is done, my boss came over to say, my sup commented i was not alert/productive enuff at work. n wanna mi catch up. n over the next 2 wks, i did do my work faster.

but at times, i really frustrated.. cos, when i ask qns, my upperstudy sometimes will claim tat the info is oredi inside the docs. but the thing is, it's from her understanding of the docs, not explicitly stated in it.

den these days, i am supposed to amend a program to make it work. have a deadline to catch. den tis program, at times it's having problem in TRIAL env. n i have been trying to make it work. n i've been trying all sorts of way to find out why too. add debug statements, the problem dun occur. remove it, the problem happen.

the catch here is, we intend to move things outta old server by end of oct. but this same probm is bugging mi for some time. n oni ytday, i managed to find out exactly wat went on. i was hoping to resolve the prob by ytday, but my boss went home early. i den took some time before i decided to check with my other colelagues. i originally wanna just leave it till monday when my boss came in... cos my thinking "the boss went home, wat else cna i do?" but.. after checking wif colleague, i.. learnt tat it shld nt b the way..

was i 2 tired? duno.. my boss recently trusted mi a lot, n set an expectation for mi to know the system well in 1 mth's time. sometimes, i felt i'm not living up to her expectations. i am happy she can see soem ... stuff.. in mi, but i'm not sure if i can meet it. although i'll try my best.. my stress comes from... "i dun wan 2 b branded as not alert anymore".

ppl say, my boss's behind mi, protecting mi.. i knw tat, but i dun wan to mis-use her protection.. i have to make sure i'm doubly alert...

but somehow, i duno wat happening. in my prev job, i was really... very keen to make things happen.. but tis time, i seem more on the passive side... i duno.. is it cos i'm afraid tat, if i ask, i will b treated as "not reading docs properly"? but... jus felt tat, i really need to knw more thigns than i do now..

n my appetite has been affected.. mood as well...

sianz, i have to adjust my mindset... i muz keep in mind, i wanna make things work..

i'm too free? maybe..

ch 8 jus now,.. the show.. 9pm 1.. the mistress of the family got a new ger into the hse. this new ger is the kid of her hubby other wife. then the mistress living in those bungalow type. den, as usual (i dunno, is it really so common even in these days?) ,the mistress lectured the new ger not to bring any low-level frns into their hse, in case of burglary. n to bfrn oni ppl of certain status...

does such ... mind set still exist?

anyway, i was thinking.. next time, if they wanna enter the new ger's rm, they have to change to another pair of slippers. in case they dirty the flooring's of the room.. lol..

ahha... yeah man... 2 free at home, den can blog anytime i wan.. wanna tok abt anonymity on the internet.. but well, this will involve many many lines.. betta not...

i got jus my pay check for oct... COOL!! nvr seen such a big FIG in my bank acct b4!!!! YEAHOOOO!!!

err.. how come.. these days, those younger gers n guys i knw (yes, i now i oso get to knw gers.. maybe due to growing up n outta gay-oni mindset?) r all born 1984..

watching ch8 9pm show, adam is doing a role tat scolds ppl easily, n dun appreciate it when ppl treat him nicely. lol... his acts r CUTE siazz!! n his actions n doings sometimes remind me of my past... when i lacked self-confi...

wah... on wkends 7pm ch8, starting from today, i cant focus jus on Da Chang Jin alone on Ch u liao.. cos ch8 got a police drama serial which has a REALLY REALLY DAMN GORGEOUS CUTE GUY!! wah...

imagine, jus in a 2-hr period, i snapped numerous shots of him!! wah... he really caught my attention siazz!! look out for his pix!!!

den this afternoon, got a taiwan rubbish drama.. wahha.. i watch it jus for the scenes to snap shots. den, tis guy.. he always properly clothed in every scene. other no-fig ppl got topless scenes nw n then. but not him.

den today, wah, so lucky!! got scenes of him, having his torso bandaged up (i hope it's bondage... but.. well, 2 bad). n i kept snapping the shots!!! as he removing the bandages, i kept snapping it.. so... lol... not a gd figure, but well, his image made up for it all!

hehe, i'm bitching here... was watching ch8 9pm show... haha.. witnessed how fiona xie expressed her various emotions... umm, u name it, she gotta express it.. haha... her expressions are always so limited!!! using her std, ahem, trademark, expressions for every emotion she has to send out... lol... always such a kiddy n useless stunt..

eheh... but nt to worry, for every ep of this show, i got record down!!!

umm abt work, i can say that i'm performing better these days.. at least its how i felt. i managed to grasp things faster, dne do thing within timeframe as well. and when we need to check things out, i was able to fish out the required details.. esp, when additional details is needed, i got them within minutes hahah..

den oso, my sup explained some flow to mi, n i got it at 1 go. n later when he thot i misunderstood him, i stood on my feet to say y things r alright. de he realised he mistook my words hahah...

umm.. ok, my boss is a married woman. above 45yo. she take special care of mi.. maybe due to personal reasons, or she saw the potential in mi.. she often takes good care of mi, and dun allow mi to stray off track.

den... for my upperstudy... she got a new PC oni in july... the mth when i jus joined the company. den.. my new PC is due to arrive in 1 wk's time...

she got the jacket from the company in july oso.. i duno... jacket is a sign of confirmation, she joined the company in mar... duno.. i noticed tat, when i first wore my jacket, she was standing there, staring at mi in disbelief..

oh well carry on wif my reading up..

lol.. watching ch 8 dramas to relax b4 i restart my journey to perform my best at work..

wah.. adam chen wear the blue singlet is DARM DARN DARN HOT!!!! SIZZLING!!! but sometimes, his expression is pretty similar to those he used when acting in host-drama of a variety show.. where he acted sissily... lol...

den, the way pierre png avoid fiona xie is like a gay man... rejectingt he advances of a ger subtlely..

well, as i said, my boss jus hinted mi ytday. den jus nw, had a presentation to show my findings to my sup.

i wonder if it's cos i dun have exp in dealing wif servers, or i'm really not tat knwoeldgeable.. he told mi the exact steps tat i need to take to advance..

now the presentation is over, i felt i had jus escaped death.. haha.. tok abt job security! this wkend, i oso will burn it to stay n read docu @ home.

woah... as mentioned, i got my jacket (a sign of confirmation of our job) on last monday. den 9 working days later, on way home, my boss hinted to mi tat.. my sup felt i was not alert/productive enuff.. watever good words u can think of.. den my boss put in good words for mi, saying i am oso bogged by studies.. n be light on mi..

oh well... hope i can do better now.. after handing in my asgt..

am i lucky or wat?

on tues nn, my sup email mi, asking mi to check for some details. den tues night, he email again, asking mi to chk for the details so tat he mi n upperstudy can discuss it (tis is wat upperstudy say 1.. i thot discusson's merely btwn mi n him). den tues, i not in office. wed, had 2 meetings b4 lunch. den noon, i tried my best to chk details, but slow progress.. after work, need to go class.

den thur, suddenly, my upperstudy say has to prep the docs for the meeting. i was abrupt, but ok, cos i done 60% liao. den, later, she email out, saying sup is on mc, n cannot have meeting.. wah...

i'm beginning to love the ch 5 show "Ghost Whisperer". tis show focusses on how a 30yo ger could feel ghosts around her n help to deliver their soul by fulfilling their incomplete wishes.. be it redressing their grievances or finding out wat's bothering them or simply letting their living family knw their last words...

wat i like abt tis show is, its not merely some ghost-scaring show, n not meant to scare u, but to highlight on the love that has been missing when the ghost was still alive. it's a bother for mi to write out abt those eps i watched, but ever since i started, i felt it's a good show.. it's really on the sentimental side of the human nature..

on a few occasions, my nose even twitched..

but... have i turned too sentimental?

damn... somehow.. ok, although now my post is Systems Analyst, in charge of analysing and introducing new features and sorts into the system.. I'm still very much stuck in the programming mindset..

I WANT TO WRITE CODINGS!!!!

but nw, wat i mostly do is more to research... :{

come to think of it, i again nearly kena backstab..

few days back, i was discussing my latest tasks wif her. i told her the fine-tuning is not done yet. she said "fine tuning not urgent cos not needed yet".. ok.. nice of her.

BUT ytday, during the proj meeting, when we were toking abt the proj, she sudenly ASK "do the clients wan to knw how will the files b converted??".. kauzz.. i really stunned!!! she herself admitted tat i dun need to do it yet.. n nw, she stab mi, by asking tat qn?? wah liao!!

den, we needed to send a script to our client to try out. tis script, i saw it, n commented tat "there shld b space in between". she say "no, not needed". but the thing is, i did try things out, n without space, it cant work! nonetheless...

den... today, when i saw the result of the script, i saw that the script has a SPACE...

am i confirmed?

when i first came to the company, the admin ppl told mi tat, i'll get the jacket after i'm confirmed for the job...

den.. tis wk monday, i actually got it liao.. i den chk wif my colleagues.. they say, i wun get any letter... the jacket is a way of confirming u... i find it funny.. so informal 1...

am i really confirmed??

my upperstudy...

haha... she's really keen to over-shadow mi siazz!!

during an informal meeting today, oni my team (sup, boss, upperstudy, mi, n 2 colelagues) in the room. my boss was asking if we got any feedback at all..

i thot for a moment, n said "tech n biz"..

after mi is upperstudy. den she actaully said: "i dun agree wif that statement. i feel tat... " wah liao... i heard, but i din respond. i just reacted as normal.. ie, took it as her feedbaack.. well, i'm used to it.. she jus wan 2 b the smarter ger..

den... i promised a cutie ns boy.. i'll shoot a vid of mi shaving.. hehe, mayb tis sat will do it.. lol..

interesting day..

lol.. i went swimming today.. haha.. got those kids practising their swim in pyjamas. den 1 boy.. sticking his back to the wall in pool, was practising, i think, breathing. the funny thing is, he lifted himself in n out of water to practise.. as a result, when he sinks into water, his pyjamas top was lifted by the water to his armpit level.. wahhaa.. tis ahppen whenever he sink into water siazz.. when i swam to his direction, i find it so funny.. so enticing!! almost like a strip tease whahah..

later on, went to have haircut.. my poor cute stylist chamzz.. he was late for work, n his boss kept complaining to mi abt hwo late he's, n how time-unconscious he is.. den.. wah liao.. backstabbing? even the auntie who enjoy toking to him when i went there last mth, oso spoke bad abt him.. kauzz

when he arrived, he told them he dreamt of something.. i dunno if true anot.. wahha.. most likely jus to simmer everyone.. when he came to do my hair, i chatting a bit wif him.. den when he was washing my hair... wah liao.. i felt so good LOL.. cos he was rubbing my cheeks siazz.. dunno y.. wah, felt SO nice.. n nw his hair color back to black color.. n he asked mi wat i think of his color nw.. i was thinking... den he say "i din haev time to do my hair so..." i den said "both look good ;) " den he luffed his head off n commented "i sure knw how to say good things"

den hor, while doing my hair, he was leaning over mi.. wah.. i felt so much like hugging him siazz!! but chamzz.. cos we were chatting, n he IS doing my hair, his boss came over n commented "wah.. slow motion hor?" sighzz.. i even apologised to him siazz.. but 1 nice thing is, i telling him my plan to start going gym in coming mths, mayb nov or dec (after i'm confirmed for the job lah).. he say he oso thnking of going.. to those govt places.. u knw.. those SSC type.. $2.50 kind. i told him those jus simple 1s.. i intend to go those wif swimming, gym, sauna, n steamroom.. he immeidately say "wah, that's wat i wanna try oso".. n den he suggested mi buying those protein powder to drink.. to gain mass..

but.. i oredi thinking of how to bring a guest into the gym thing.. u rmb? i mentione abt my spa thing.. i think i probably will sign up soon.. den bring guest in LOL.. OH MY GAWD!

den hor, wah.. tis time i cut to short hair.. n realised tat.. long hair make mi smart looking.. short hair cute. esp when my hair was done wif black color, i felt like a sec boy.. whaha.. den when my hair got highlight, i realy dunno wat category i'm in.. but i really look young boy siazz wif tis short hair..

den i went to join my frns for ICE-SKATING! so shuang!!! i particularly loved speed!! but i cant control it.. den saw a few cute guys.. n 1... yes 1 yandao guy wif his gf.. my frns r from my workplc.. wif 1 ger who is streetwise.. tis ger seem observant of mi siazz... her words soemtimes seem to hint @ my orientation.. but well, i din react 2 much..

but INTERESTING!!.. my hair is short liao n i wearing attitude pattern T shirt n back pants.. den while skating, 1.. sec or jc or poly guy (tat age range) skated near mi n said "boy, ur shoelace"... WAH!! he call mi boy???!?!?! i was practically stunned!!

den.. wks back, the whole team had a lunch meeting wif our BIG BOSS.. the director of our dept. during the meeting, every1 raised ideas n feedback on wat they felt abt everything. i oso said my pc. the boss den said i can email him to give the feedback..

i thot it was nice to give the feedback, but thot nothing of it. but my proj lead encourge mi. so tdy, i decided to send out, to boss, CC proj lead n supervisor.. wahaha... after sending, my proj lead was happy n told everyone the news. she oso encourage every1 to bring up more ideas. n said, other than bringing up, we have to make sure we get the mgmt to see the NEED to implement it n see tat it happens.

n u know wat?

my upperstudy den replied, yes we have to let the mgmt see where we are coming from, and why is there such a need to implement it, and she oso ask who can we channel such suggestions to...

wah liao, i can see tat she's trying to gain some points for herself! rite after i sent out my ideas, she gave such a response. this kind of meeting is held monthly 1 loh.. n she beeen theer 4 mths more than mi.. she shld oredi have some ideas to give..

but anyway, ... haizzz... (i realyl sighed)... i staying put for the pay. if nt, i may have left the company or soemthing.. i wanan make my mark. i decided liao. i will do my best. n unless they dun wan mi, i wun think of leaving at all..

wow.

nw my upperstudy is really giving mi headaches.. ummm.. am i really such a pain as a colelague? as a teammate?

well, jus nw, the upperstudy told mi off... in front of other colleagues in office, she questioned how long i've been working on an issue... she even mentioned since 3 wks back. i really hate it. she's pinning the blame on mi!

this prob occurred 2-3 wks back yes. on 19th sept to b exact. over days, i solved the it. den as we exploring the data, ensuring integrity, saw some glitches, n over days, i cant resolve, so she helped. ok, thx for tat. we put up the file for testing. this prob was resolved.

however, as she explored, she found a dead link. she wanted mi to resolve it. tis link, well, is quite problematic, as the data file is quite messy n i need time to understand it better. so she wanna mi resolve it. i did it, but due to MISCOMMUNICATION, the files were kinda mixed up.. or something. i dunno wat happened oso.

she den grumbled n told mi to jus make the changes and send to testing again. it seems to be working fine. so i went home. den tis monday (25th sept), she found soemthing wrong n emailed to my office account. umm.. i forgot when she emailed. but i was nt in office at all.. i think it's tuesday. cos jus nw we arguing abt the time frame i took.

she said the whole of tis wk used up for this issue. den i argued back, saying i oni started on wednesday. she den chk back the email.. but come on, monday, i on urgent leave. tues i at home doing testing. wednesday noon den got back. how am i supposed to start?? wah liao...

she den said she may try to hlp later.. while i continue my checking. DEN, my supervisor wanna assign mi some tasks while she n sup discussing. den she stopped him, saying i still resolving a prob. somehwo, i feel tat at that instance, she's badmouthing mi. it cld my prejudice, i dun deny.

later, i asked her for a contact's number. i thot it shld b faster if she knew it n gave mi. she say it's in the docu. ok, i found it.. but i cant contact the person, so i asked for the mobile. den, i dunno wat she heard.. she was frustrated n told mi the contact's desk number. i told her i found it oredi.

i oso tried asking her something whcih i.. have always wanted to knw but she nvr managed to understand my pt n kept emphasizing that she dun think the contacts will knw as well. but today i ask again, she still cant gimme the ans. n still say, she dun thin contact will know. but i managed to call the contact.. n YES, i knw more abt how the system works. it seems that, the contact is better able to understand my qn n answer mi properly. but the upperstudy keep telling mi abt the programming point of view (ie, making things work). but wat i MUS n NEED to knwo is the business rules, and how the system actually works! our coding can help to make things work, but i need to knwo if wat i am doing is according to the rule!

later in the day, i told her tat i managed to resolve the issue temporarily. i admitted it, cos there are some things tat i need to research on. but i think her mind is having thots tat i imitating her, as she once told mi she implemented a temp soln too. den she got pissed, n ranted on..

when i told her the results of my investigations, she doubted mi (cos she nvr did detailed exploring, but i did, when i was testing my results) n pull back some old files. but gosh, she pulled back old files, n still claimed she din see the results of my work. OF COS! i merely told her str8, the change was there when i uploaded my file.

sighzz.. jus my luck to have her as my teammate, a high flyer, who expects efficiency as the key. she is an independent person who does things her way. i've prob clicking wif her.

lol.. long time no first-timers comment on my pg.. saw it, n decided to respond.. to show it's an active blog :P

umm... how does he knw abt castaway blog? n how did he find my pg??

my spelling innovative meh? lol.. more to jus typing watewver i wan n dun bother correcting the mistakes, cos its simply my most natural side ;) y bother making it look/sound nice/perfect when i'm supposed to b totally relaxed n b myself here? wahaha..

umm... actually i wonder.. wat makes a company wanna confirm a staff position..

when he manages to keep up wif the speed of the company progress?

when he manages to do things within his scope?

for mi, well.. my 3mth is almost up (i start work on 3rd jul. by rite, 3rd oct is 3 mths old). i... oso... start to wonder will tis company confirm mi anot..

i got 50% confidence... or... 75?

i came here due to my SCJP ability. since first mth, i have been able to churn out the pages required by me. i managed to setup a new system for testing within a shorter time than they expected. seem like my java skills r undoubted. my office pc is slow and slow. but my boss since 1.5 mths back has been asking mi to put up a request to buy a new system so tat it's fast enuff.. even until nw, she still say so. well, true, she cld b jus requesting to get a new PC, for whoever might come in later.

===============

den, wat makes a company dun wan confirm a staff? his attitude? his abilities? his integrating wif the company culture? umm perhaps...

===============

so wat makes mi so not sure of my position?

i am good in java. den, 1 mth after i came in here, i was told to pick up PERL (caps to emphasize i'm surprised at the lang i need to pick up). PERL is oh-so-diff from the usual languages that i know of... i was pretty resistent to it, cos
1) it's a new language n so text based.
2) tat's not wat i came here for!!
3) i dinno i had to pick it up
4) there is nothing for mi to try out on!! PERL depends on a server, but the server... i dunno how to manipulate.. or rather, no way to manipulate it at all..

but knowing the language will really help a lot in my work, cos, NOW, we r using it in our apps, and FUTURE oso using.. at least near future (2 yrs time) will. however, i'm having serious problems wif it.. cos, its not simple read n get input. it's oso.. connecting and linking to various files.. and some actions n interpretation of certain codes... i realy have problem following it...

tat's y i duno whether i can make it anot...

ok.. ytday, i took urgent leave to do my asgt... den today (tues), after i got to office, i greeted my boss, n she chatted wif mi. den she got to knw of my home PC config.. n decided to send mi home to do testing.. i was stunned... haha..

ok.. my pt here is, nw tat i have more tiem on hand (yes, nw at work got bit more time) so i took some docu home to read up. den as i reading, i thot of more n more scenarios tat my upperstudy actually play mi out... for eg, .. or 2 egs:

1) 1 time, we need to do soem backend processing. the process usually takes 12 hrs.. we started at 9am. ao, abt 7+, when my upperstudy confirmed it will take longer time (means, it wun finish at 7+), i went home first. the next day, i went to office, n check on the status. it seems to have finished a part so i ask her if shld do the next step.

her reply?

"no need, i did already".

2) we need to do a mthly report generation. so on e wk tat we shld generate the report, i was bz, n decided to do next wk. DEN, next wk, i admitted to her saying "aiyo, last wk forgot to do the report.."

her reply? (guessed it?)

"no need, i generated already".

===========

wah liao!! hey, its my first time u know!!! u shld b guiding mi siaz!

to mi, she seems more of an independent worker, who prefer to do thigns all by herself so tat she dun need to co-ord wif any1.. everytime she does thigns, she jus do without informing..

i thinkking of telling her, cos i oso working on the proj, it's better to keep mi informed on wat files were modified.. especially those tat i touched b4.. but i feel tat, she will reply "u dunno the system tat well yet..."

nw, i can oni depend on my OWN effort..

lol.. somehow i think i'm addicted to masturbating...

u know.. or rather guys know, masturbation leads to getting physiologically high. it makes someone forget unhappiness n indulges in tat temporary enjoyable moment.

does it sound like smoking? cigarettes, cigar..

tat's why i say i'm addicted. smokers tend to smoke when they are stressed to relieve it. for mi, when i stress n wana escape reality, i resort to masturbation. but later, i still return to the real world..

can you believe it?

for 2 wks, including wkends, i din sleep on my bed. i had work stuff to do at home. so i forced myself to wake up in e mid of the night. i realised tat i cant do so if i lie on the bed. i will jus doze off, n wun bother to wake up even wif an alarm...

so i forced myself to sit on my armchair n rest... so tat, when the alarm goes off, i will wake up, cos it's not comfy to rest in chair. it was really tough.. i dun have enuff sleep.. n yawned frequently.

den... yesteryda, the workload has finally got lighter :)... and for yesteryda, i finally had the chance to go on my bed to rest...

and... as i rested on my bed, i really felt i missed my bed a million!! i missed its support, its firmness, its comfort, the wide space on which i can roll about, and its gentle touch... i really felt i din rest on my bed for a long long time.. it was really a hard period! having to rest ont he chair n not touching my bed at all.. upon tis, i wept..can anyone understand how it felt???

i really wonder...

did i lose my troubleshooting skills?

cos... while fixing a perl script jus now, i found out where it went wrong.. somehow, something jus is not working rite.. i cant fix it. den my upperstudy came over (i asked her ot help), n saw the problem. well, she simply made a new routine to process tis additional condition...

umm... let's say, if tis is a java file, i will probably... knw where it went wrong... n suggest to make a new method? probably...

but for tis perl, i'm not familiar enuff to decide on making a new routine.. but well, i guess it all jus boils down to making things work. going by tis direction, i shld knw wat needs to be changed..

i need to finish blogging in 10 mins time.. den rush off to work..

damn it, another back stab by upperstudy..

wah liao, 2 thigns i wanna get off my chesT!

1) i started learning perl oni when i came into the office.. count from end jul. i dunno when she gave mi perl codes from our program to test out.. probably in end jul oso. from then till nw, my knwledge of PERL is jus so basic n so untrained. n yet, at tis time, she wanna mi debug perl script in days?? n, this perl script the data is stored in server, nt in our side! it's so hard to debug.. wah liao!

2) today, there was 2 issue on production side. she came over n told mi abt them. 1 she elaborated. 1 she jus mentioned the problem and whihc file. so, i did the first 1. den i jump to 2nd 1. but 2nd 1, i dun have details, so i ask her for them. she came over, n insisted she gave mi oredi. n claimed tat i typed out in my notepad (yes, my practice is type out things inside notepad) but probably deleted away. n exclaimed "kevin!! ai.."

and all these r done while the team lead is around!

i thot i might really have deleted away. but i dun think it's possible...

n den, when she gave mi the details, i AM 100% sure tat she din tell mi anything at all. cos i nvr saw those things b4! she later said, she might as well email mi in future... my thots: yes, it;s much better. thanks a lot!

updates..

i've discussed my work situation wif my sis... sianzz.. i feel tat, i've just stepped in the company, n kena some silent politics wif my upperstudy.. well, i jus wanna do my best at work n contribute to the company. but somehow.. she dun like dat..

imagine.. i was idle for 2 wks, and after tat, she den gave mi the docu abt our ssytem to read up. n tis docu is in shared drv.. why the hell did she give mi oni 2 wks later, when i was swamped wif work??

den.. tis wk (starting 11 sept), i need to work on xml and xsd codes for our new system. she has been working on the xsd n xml for wks b4 tis wk, cos tat's her role: to play around wif it. den i need to modify an existing script's code that will translate the original doc to our required format (its work concerns, so i cant mention the specific stuff). tis 1, i tried to convert... first time dun work, so i work hard to find out the reason. 2 days later, i cant. i got prob.

i wnana edit the code, den she say i acnt jus change like dat.. den i stuck liao.. no matter how i do the conversion, the document cant b opened directly. i thot of changing the conversion code so tat the conversion is smoother, but i was OF COS wrong. it's too complicated to be understood. i just touched perl for wks.. maybe abt 5-6. n i am debugging a perl script. WOAH... of cos i cant make it.

end up teh script got more complicated. sianzz.. i den checked with her... she den said, she got an UPDATED XSD file. n sent mi. i took it, n managed to get the XML to work better...

n later, i asked wat files do i need to translate, den the sup reminded her to send it over. but sup ended up sending.

n... i had to work OT over the wkend to finish the job. n lol.. somethign interesting happened... 1 bzbody bitch (proj lead role) saw mi stay back for the night, n saw mi in morning again. so i told her i slept in office for the night. she den went to tell other sups tat i work over the nigte. even my boss came to show concern. lol.. when my sup came, i felt the need to explain.. cos, it reflects BADLY on mi, if i work over the night, but no result is evident. n i really did not work over the nite. the sup was stuned... den when i told him the truth, he felt better..

den.. over the wkend, i realise tat.. the upperstudy's part was CRUCIAL to my success!!! wat the conversion does is jus tat. to convert documents. but the upperstudy's work determines if the file can be opened successfully.... sighzzz... i can oni depend on myself.. REALLY..

getting more emotional

n these days, i realise i'm really getting pretty emotional.. outta emotions, i can understand why ppl do certain things.. n my tears start flooding my eyes...

havign someone in my thots

doing OT now.. n listening to mp3... Mariah's "We belong together"

hearing the ending part "when you left, I lost a part of me. It's still so hard to believe".... reminded mi of someone... gues who?

my murderer...

gosh.. PERL is really a hell of tuff codes... all those special patterns r killing mi..

my team (mi, upperstudy n team lead) has a meeting 2 days back. to decide how to modify a script so tat it can adjust to our new system. my lead said "dun worry, u r still new kid on the block.. dun expect u to fully understand the picture now.."

i felt re-assured.. at least i knw he understands it can b hard to understand the architecture.. n not think my progress is slow.. but i feel i'm... u know the reason..

BUT, jus now, during a training session wif client, my boss came beside mi, n ask how i was coping.. i said "ok lah.." she asked "u sure?" den i say "just the perl script is giving mi headache..." she then mentioned mi some mentors who i can look for if i got prob

after tis line, i begin to wonder.. if someone u employed is supposed to do a task (javva), but end up having to focus on another task (perl), n he's having prob wif it, is it better to find another person to take it up (bene here for almost 3 mths), or keep pushing him for the "another task"?

i wonder if, her line meant good.. ie if i got prob, i can look them up.. OR telling mi to buck up.. or else.. her tone is more to care n concern, not threatening or disappointed type

jus tat ,i can see for myself, for java stuff, i totally no prob. but for perl, i need to train real hard.. while i'm doing my asgt... sighzz

it's hard.. to work,..

monday blues.. m i getting it? really a bad workday of my career...

at the production area (money making side), got some prob n i had to re-do my stuff to fix the prob. den later, i was discussing wif my upperstudy abt the prob, but she dun get my point, n kept iterating hers.

den in morning, wow, din expect myself to finish reading my papers in 1 hr siazz... so little news meh? n been working too hard, i develop headache.. but din tell any1.

got lotsa things to do in 1 day, but i managed to finish them properly.

however, wat made my day bad/sad is, my upperstudy once again betrayed mi. last fri, she ask mi send her a file tat contains all the formatting. but she again said she din recv. i am stunned.

den.. i been trying to hook up openoffice for wks, but got bugs, or maybe it's not suited for the tasks i assigning it. in end, my team gave up on it. i..knw i din really put in 100% effort, cos i basically duno much things.. n realise i actually been turning in rounds. but i am really not feeling gd when they jus scrapped OO away.. when i felt, if given more time, i can do something...

so end up ,i need to do modify pieces of perl code whcih i nvr saw b4... n i merely touched perl for 2 mths.

m i not being exploited for wat i'm good at? i love java n programming.. but til now, my scope has been 20% on java 50% perl, n 30% on the.. OO thingy. i knw its good exposure.. but i m having hard time wif it... sighzzz..

y i din update for ages

a close frn recently msn mi, wanna chat wif mi.. but i left abruptly, he den grumbled tat we din get to tok much.. n i din update my blog often oso..

well, sad to say, i din have time to do those thigns... really.. this period of time, i'm really damn damn darn caught up wif my asgt n catchign up @ work..

not havign a relaxing time.. nt tat the honeymoon period is gone.. i dun enjoy honeymoon anyway. nt a nice period to get over.. esp when u got nothing to read up, jus sitting there to kill time. but it's cos.. of being overloaded wif tasks...

it's not an enjoyable time.. the catching up n understanding of the wat's required n duties @ work, i'm ok, but need time to catch up. cos.. due to some mis-arrangement, documentation abt proj, additional tasks, troubleshooting all came together.. pressing on mi.. den.. oso got asgts coming, or dropping from sky, n we need to do a proposal for a new system.

tuff luck.. wa'ts hard is.. abt the new system, due to asgt, i din have enuff time to read n thus i quite blur at start. but somehow i managed to realise wat's required of mi. but.. as fate may decree.. my upper study kinda mis-led mi (tat wat i feel.. perhaps lack of chemistry n understanding?) n i strayed into doing something tat ended up 2 b futile. so right now, i dun really knw wat's exactly need of mi to chk on. i feel i;m the bottleneck. but i realyl felt misled.. cos, during 1 meeting, upperstudy said i din pass her the file yet. so later i sent her, she den say it's nt wat she want. she told mi to copy her contents n use it. so i did. next meeting, she again said i din send her yet. i was STUNNED. so i asked her wat file she exactly wan. she say she wan the file to b exactly like wat she sent mi...

gosh, how am i supposed to get it?? i even told my supervisor, i think i losing my direction in the proj. i knw it's ok to say so.. cos the programign side, i've been ok, but in tis proj, i knw i fail some ppl's expectations. but somehow, i feel the upperstudy is.. trying to obstruct my progress at times..

cos.. when i got there, i managed to solve a bug tat irritated them till they had to get additional head count to kill it. within 1 wk. they were troubling over it u know? den, they wanna setup a linux system to test something.. i managed to set it up in 2 wks. all done within timeframe. but durignt is time, upperstudy shld b sharing wif mi, on how the proj is abt n its directions. but since then, for 2 wks, she din tell mi anything. i been asking her on alternate days, but she keep saying she busy. so i been staring into blank.

den u know wat? she later sent mi the link to the shared folder, where the docu of the proj is kept. soft copy. at that time, i was thinking "since it';s shared ALREADTY, why not jus lemme have it donkey time ago??" i canread it n raise any concerns!!! oni when i got busy, den she passed mi the docu. wat worse, days later, while doing a task, she asked "u haven read the docu yet ah? the things u asking mi actually inside docu.."

alright... nvm.. have to do wat i can..

recent news

for days, or weeks, i've been knockign off from work late.. from 8+ to 11pm. sighzz.. tired..

n den, jus nw on my way to class, i find tat i'm really... desperate for guys.. desperate for good bodies to play wif, n for fingers n tongues on me. well.. jus nw i was at my aunt plc, cos singnet guy going there to fix WLAN for her. i was thnking wat kinda guy will b there.

den... a guy knocked on the door.. he's got a beng face, n hair (style, not color), his body is those 30+ yo type. den i thot, how come my aunt got tis guy fixing her WLAN, but mine is a 40+yo ah peh guy?? wif tis beng guy, if nt for my aunt, i could b standing beside him while he setting up WLAN, n mayb tease him a bit n massage him? but he's married. when he mi n aunt r discussing thigns, we did exchange glances. but tat's all. n well, due to tis reaction of mine, i conclude, i'm really desperate for guys...

n i realise again... i'm really getting honry... cos once again, if any guy jus came up to mi, as long he lookable.. i ok 1. but.. well it's my despo side.. i dun wan to jus.. do it... when i cant think properly...

anyway, i was sent tis website... the guy has a pretty hot n good body.. but i totally dun like his hair do.. those.. strands of hair hanging in front. n some pix, he looks better.. frnlier.. outta these, hottest picture inside.. enjoy..

it's really been a stressing and tiring week...

juggling between completing asgts on time n getting used to workload. cos, nw i finalyl got the chance to do more things at work which r productive.. productive as in i can see the fruit of my work being seen n put to use.. but had to put in extra hrs at times to get things to work.

nw i oso understand how tuff n tiring it's to work n study at the same time. imagine: when doing my asgt, i made myself either sleep @ 11+ wake 3am, or sleep 2+ n den wake for work. as a result, i m not convinced tat i did well for my asgt... sianzz.. wonder if tis means, taking a toll on my health.. but i'm still going strong..

den ytyda, i again went for haircut... that cute hairstylist i showed him the wedding pic.. liao.. i had wanted him to scroll the pix himself.. den see how he respond when see my taking off pic.. but in end, i scroll the pix for him.. but well, i'm happ tat he sittign beside mi to see the pic.. n when he doing my hair, stood in such way tat,. his small T shirt giving way between shirt opening n his pants.. wah.. i felt like sliding my hands inside siaz!!! n when he's doing my hair.. i felt so... relaxing lol...

den.. today got 1 guy doing check on pub meters. haha.. my family closed the door on him. well, 2 bad he dun look nice.. if not, i will entertain him..

n well, nw my studies load getting heavier... n cos my asgt was due soon, i hadt o focus on my asgt.. den.. i was split into 2.. n i realise i din manage to perform good enuff at work. din have time to read up properly on wat's required for work..

vincent's comments

few days back, vincent comented on jeff wang pictorial book. he said "at least i din show my butt". wah liao, i really luffing my head off siazz! good 1! i took ti tat it's simply a harmless comment, n well jeff INDEED bo liao 'ly show his butts. dunno for wat siazz.. is there a need? not as though he's some acclaimed gd-fig guy.. unless he made (positive, hopefully) news overseas, i wonder wat made him shoot the series...

look at dear vincent. fantastic fig, a fig tat male body builders, or gym goers aim for..

umm... n i gonna buy his book too... yes, i will.. but save up first..

zoe's swallowing act

when ppl's lucky star dims, is it inevitable tat they will kena all sorts of unfriendly n unhelpful slurs?

zoe was, is, and still our caldecott queen. who in the world dunno who is she?? or rather,, singapore. no pun. in the past, watever she does is news.. gd n positive news. news that put her in limelight and pulls her pop level up.

nw, she is not tat into showbiz liao. den nw, every little thing she does attracts negative words. even the "i swallow" phrase got ppl say she's degrading herself. n tat the words r seductive. bad influence for kids.

gosh, come on!!!! if u dun think wayward, wat will give rise to wayward thinking?? u are the one thinking of sexual stuff, thus thinking tat the phrase is sexual. the words carry literal meaning, but u gave it its symbolic's. is she to blame, or viewer?

if u feel "swallow" is a bad word, den why is Fann Wong showing her armpit? guys show theirs to display their masculinity. gers? isn;t tat making her a sex symbol? n attracting guys wif (shaved) armpit fetish??

getting touchy OOOHHHHH

woah... these days.. i always seem to have thigns to tok abt that decent cute guy siazzz... u knw.. he was at my desk, n i sniffed cologne from him. den he told mi he applied it everyday... den he let mi sniff... putting his hand in front of mi.. i grab his hands wif both of my hands n sniffed... lol.. WOAH>>>>>>> heavenly......

happenings wif the cute guy

lol..1 day, i was handing up some docs to a room. den open door, the decent cute guy came out. ahha.. i joked tat he din pull open the door for mi.. n act blur.. mumble soemthign n move towards mi... den suddenly,

he pulled my long sleeve shirt off my pants!!! wahhaah... although he took it as teasing fun, i find it... enjoyable lol.. but i knw he's str8...

den today.. hehe, seems like he's really used to havign mi around liao... den as the weather is HOT, he's almost perspiring. den i ask if he scared heat. he say now so hot, of cos ler.. den he press my shirt against my back.. WAHAHAHA... i exhilerated siazz!!

den i said "no sweat rite"? den he again tried to lift off my shirt.. but tis time failed. den i responded, wif a finger pointing to him "again!?" n he jumped away... hwhaahha,... fun...

tasks at hand

when i'm given specific tasks to do.. i think i'm able to do it fast. esp when i knw exactly wat's needed.. but when it's my first time to try thing out, i can b very dis-oriented abt wat's exactly expected of the outcoem of my work.. i realyl muz overcome tis... ie, if i really nt sure wat's expected of mi, ASK n clarify.. dun assume i knw...

hugged by cute guy

wow... a happy day for moi!!!

the cute decent guy @ my office.. is getting more n more comfy n relaxed wif mi..

1 day, it's raining while we weere out for lunch. den.. i ask if any1 can share umbrella. he volunteer share wif mi!!.. n cos its raining, while we sharing umbrella, he put his arm over my shoulder so tat i stick to his body!! so nice feelin!!! wowo!!!

den, today, some of us going for soccer game.. i din realyl plan tat he will b going oso.. but incidentally, he's going too!! when we got there, we went to change.. n i was thinking.. hehe, can see his torso. but well, he's not those exhibitionist type.. he was facing the wall while changing..

den when we choosing teams.. we use "oh-ah-pei" method (black or white game) to determine who go which team. wah.. as the person utttered the words, i was not prepared wat to show. n i gave a black. heheh.. n tat guy oso gave black. we r same team!!!

n here comes the surprise... during 100% of the game, he went topless!!!!!!!! can see his body siaz!!! wah liao... jus nw at game, din think 2 much.. nw.. i can really fantasize him kena tied up LOL..

effects of divorce

i dun think i ever get married.. but jus nw, i saw a documentary abt a boy whose parents are getting a divorce. they have 2 children n r forcing them to live with either of them. my view is that, why do the parents think solely for themselves? such as wanting the child to be with him/her. do they actually put themselves in the kids' shoes? thinking of the effect the kids have?

haizz

cheryl, director of One Rochester

she appeared on CNA's What Women want ...really.

i dunon who she is/was but i am.. really happy,.. n envious of her post (in company) n way of embracing n enjoying life.

she goes around searching for tasty food. n dun mind queueing up hours for them. she oso comfy in donning an office suit, sittign at roadside, munching away on a packed mealbox. so long as it's tasty n worth her tastebuds. she oso prefers food in their most natural flavour... ie, if the food comes with fats, or anything else unhealthy, n is truly part of how it shld b, she goes for it.

tis is wat i then call "truly enjoy food"

but of cos, if ur health cant handle any food type, it's still a must ot avoid it.. for mi, i've not found it yet :)

forgive n "forget"...

sometimes, to make life easier.. to live, is it better not to be so picky nicky abt stuff?

cos.. in the past, i was introvert n trying to break out of it, cos i knw i need frns n wanna knw more ppl to.. widen my social circle. den in the process, perhaps i was 2 outgoing to a degree tat they feel i kisiao (tis is my view). n.. started not to chap mi so much.

den got this yandao guy.. in my prev module, i was in his same class. i tried to initiate chats wif him. he bo-hiu. den i oso dun care. den in tis new class, i again his classmate. he again bo-hiu mi. but now, asgt is due in 2 wks time. he din do anythign yet. den he suddenly msn mi, saying "wah i finally got time to tok wif u in msn siazz".. but well, i knw his purpsoe... not to merely chat, but mainly to seek my help in java...

is it really better to forgive n "forget" easily?

unforgiveable

i dun think i'm giving myself too much pressure... cos it's supposed to be like tis.

in my new sem wif monash, we have a java prac to do. my scjp is abt 1.. tis prac for version 1.5. the diff is tat, 1.5 has an additional confusing feature in it. Generic type. this 1 is getting my nerves.. perhaps it's not the generic part. it's the asgt reqmt. they r using "generic extends some-obj". and we need to make a class tat uses this ".." line. in my file, i soemtimes really duno if i shld.. use my file's name... oh well,...

interface TrClass ... {}

public class MyClass<...> implements...{}

i'm really .. lost as in which .. class to declare my elements as.. sigh.. due on 29 aug. i'm wondering why do i have trouble understanding it. n kinda.. exasperated by my.. speed.. 1 wk gone, n i'm still at the base level.. i knw tat, personally (or within myself), i'm trying to escape from the asgt cos i really dun have much idea how to proceed.. esp when 1 hr is spent on researching n asking, but practically no progress in my codes. i dun wan b troubled over it, thus.. although i been trying to work on it n wake up early to continue, i always fail to do it.

i hope i can get back on track soon...

haha... but then, a frn of mine, although he's got prog exp in antoher language, but he din touch java for yrs. n now.. he seems to almost finish it in 1 wk... he oni lack some features.. i wonder how he did it.. i'm not sure if i'm jealous/..

force Mast...

Again, i'm.. losing focus.. anyway, since i got another module (biz module) whihc need to hand in on 25th aug, i can jolly well do soem research first, n at same time, relax my mind, hopefully.

ok.. straying to blog.. abt some fantasies again.. (i have many, doncha dink soh??) forgot abt the plc.. i dun wan b so specific. or perhaps.. imagine.. at a basketbal court.. u n 3 frns playing balls. den tired, so u guys ast at the spectator seats, whcih has first n 2nd level. u sitting 2nd lvl, 2 frns beside u, 1 frn on first level. as u guys chat, 1 frn spray or pour water "accidentally" onto u.. den the 2 frns slowly grab hold of ur hands, n quickly immobilise ur arms...

u cant shift ur body anymore. u r caught in btwn, n unable to move. den ur 3rd frn (at 1st level) press down ur legs n sits on them, n ur legs cant move oso.

they den start to tease u.. caress ur body.. n turn u on.. u ask them nt to play, but they ignore u.. den they start to lift up ur shirt.. n u struggle a little. but they carry on. den they lift the shirt over ur head so tat the shirt still on u, but it cant fall down anymore..

they den ticklet ur body n start to advance to ur pte.. u realise something's up n u struggle.. but they overpower u n u remain helpless.. they den rub ur pte, causing a slight erection. they then pull down ur pants to reveal ur undies. they tease ur erecting pte.

finally, they pull dwn ur brief too, showing an erection. they gave it a few hard springing effect wif their fingers n masturbate for u.. wif that erection, they took out their hp n snapped shots of u..

they den.....

lol...

long time no see renfred... wondering why this tiem he's not performing on stage.. if he's, probably can garner some votes for this SOUL band oso.. but anyway, SOUL band, i'm happy they din wear outrageous clothes. din heed the judge's advice to fulfil his evil mind.but 1 thing, although "kai shi dong le" is a natural ballad, i dun see the appeal in them when they sang it. jus like a normal ktv performance, or even like the accapella of juzB. no big deal.

unless it's a must-sing song, they shld have taken those which showcase their appeal more. so wat if their voices touch the judges? oni 1 guy is singing, n it's no diff from singing in ktv. it was a lack lustre peformance in tis part.

then in 2nd round, they finally sang a rock song. phew... they outshone milubing here.. n milubing, i muz say, they really daring n dun mind trying out diff comboz or outperforming 1 another. esp, they decided to make their performance look like mtv.. wif all those actings n drama.. :)

the cute joakim... heard tat he n rahimah (the rock ger) is an item.. good 4 them !!

since when did idols (normal ppl) become commercial items, and have to bare their bodies in promotional shots?? sometimes, if it does not show the good side of them, there can be side effects! i wld have preferred them to dress decently n try to win our hearts with their personalised styles n movements, n gesture. anytime.

enjoyable day!

gosh.. i knw it aint right for moi to do blogging at this time, i'm supposed to do my asgt. but... argh, i dun wanna forget what happened last tiem, and wanted to... SHARE (lol) my day :P

ok.. i'm really rushing for time, so i gonna cut long story short! nice to have a big gang of ppl to lunch wif, n.. the decent cute guy is oso more relaxed wif mi oredi. there was 1 time, i was standing still gazing at nothing. den he came over, asking mi to relax n chill out and shook my shoulder to make mi move.. ahhah.. den i simply softened my body n wriggled to him, as though i collapsing toward him lol... he of cos moved away :D

den ytday, i lunchign wif him.. n after office hrs, he came to tok a lil to mi. den.. the best part came, when i knocking off, i went to look for him, n he gone. den i went home. on my way, saw a blur looking colleague of mine.. tok a lil to him. he look blur, but i dun think his thinking is.. if nt, he cant b system analyst oso.. haha..

den as i reached my busstop, wah, i saw the decent cute guy siazz!! he was standing at the busstop!! hahah... we den started toking, n he was sitting beside mi.. wat a nice feeling! even on mrt, he was standing at the corner, while i standing beside him... woah... tat feeling... OHHOOOHHOOOHH... lol...

sometimes, i can even fantasize him having his hands tied up to a pole above his head in the air n him being topless ahahha.. cool sensation :P

enjoyable day!

jus to fill in my fantasy again..

ever tried getting drunk? yah, lame question. most ppl did.

ahha.. den how abt getting pulled in, or dragged in, by ur frns to a bed, stripping u to nothing... den masturbating u, den let the sperm drop onto ur body as some proof... den putting a GUY (had wanted let it b ger.. but then, where the fun?!) on the bed oso... maybe another drunk guy, who's pretending to b drunk?, den the rest of the ppl sleeping around the bed, on the floor tat is.. den nex morn, when the drunkard wakes, he'll b DAMN surprised to feel sperm on his body, n sleeping wif a guy... he perhaps will wake wif a scare.. n wake everyone up.. everyone... haha...

umm.. bday scare?? lol

am i a character too strong?

from ytday.. i find tat, i'm kinda of someone who can b really nice n kind to frns (i learnt that from my pals though). but if someone step on my toes, they can have a taste of my needles.. i mean, i'll b mean wif them, n careful wif my words.. but i wun aloow my mood to b affected, while i get back at them wif words...

i am reminded of something abt ytday. we wnana go ktv, but he end up dun wan. den after the lib trip, we went to get his car. we heard an oldie being played along the way. i uttered out the title of the oldie. den he... wah liao.. kinda chua teo n almost tripped. haha, i guess he kinda thot i still thinking abt ktv n he's furiously mad n nt comfy lol..

retirement plans

these days, i've been tinking of.. after my career has taken off, wat else shld i do to kill time or even enrich my life. a few items in mind. including travelling overseas, attending class for dancing, self improvement things, n enjoying myself in things i nvr had a chance b4.. due to poor financial control. n oso, volunteering my time for non-profit orgs. SPCA, AFA, sch for delinquents, disabled, and autistic kids. for autistic kids, i feel tat i'm in a better position to help them, cos i've been very autistic b4. and due to my unique way of growing up, i can understand them better.. as in i grew from autistic to knwoing more frns, n being mor eoutgoing. they usually hide their feelings within themselves, cos they dunno how to tok n how to express their inner thots. they expect ppl to understand their feelings. they live in a world of their own, as they dun find ppl who can understand them...

umm... am i too young to plan for retirement age??

my rushing time

i think i need to get used to things.. first, i decided tat n'day i'll b pia'ing (rushing to finish..) my asgt. but end up, i reading asgt info n relaxing.. den thot during lunch, i'll relax n watch Tv. den i watch "She's the man" movie. n forgot abt time. aiyo!! but the movie GOoD!!! the story is loose n drama lah, but the scenes inside r GOOD.. those teen hunks jus show their torso anytime n anywhere they wish. wow.. good for the eyes siazz!! i love it!

n hor... i really cant drink kopi liao.. even homemade 1.. it jus... make my body weak..

supposed to have a full packed day.. including returning home oni next morning.. but 2 bad.. hehe..

went to class today. den hor, when the class ended... wah... i in for surprise... in my prog class, the charming cute boy bring a frn along to it. den they intro her to mi oso. den... so ciao!! today, tat ger came up to mi, asking mi if i wanna buy something. i stunned! i dun rmb who she si. den she reminded mi of where n how we met... lol.. den i rmb her.. i told her i got prob rmb'ing ppl at times..

den she blurted "den i cna oni recog tat lah.." lol.. i jus stunned there... dunno wat to reply.. lol

den... came the uneventful thing.. for the masseur, we supposed to mit 615 to go dine den lib den go his plc enjoy, n go ktv next day. but my class over earlier, so i met him earlier oso. he suggest i go his plc, help him wif computer. i did ask whether by going there means we gonna skip the lib. he say no, lib sure go.

as he fetch mi to his plc, we havign a nice n fun chat. he even caressed mi in his car. den in his plc, i focus on helping his pc. den suddenly, he pull mi to his bed, ask mi lie on him.. i did.. den he initiated things to happen.. i told him to do later.. he insisted to do on the spot n wanna do everything.. but my gosh.. in a mere 10 mins??? sigh... i simply dun wan to satisfy his mere lust. so i made my erection go dwn.

at last, he's sian liao.. n decided to diy. at tat pt, i was oredi preparing to hear him say "aiya, the ktv tmr, dun think i wana go liao.." cos.. somehwo i feel tat he's too honry.. n when things cool down, he wun b so onzz oredi. den true enuff... after diy, his first line "the ktv tmr.. dunno stil lwanan go anot.. tired liao.."

i thnking "wat u expect mi to say??" so i rpelied "ok loh.. den nvm loh.." den went ot bath. during bath, i thot he may b sounding mi out.. so when i retutned to his rm, i ask, "u really dun wan ktv?" he say "see how first loh.. tiring.."

DEN, THE SURPRISE CAME. while we on way to lib in his car, i.. think i ask why he dun wan go.. he changed his line, n said "ktv? urs or mine?? i got agreet o ktv meh?? i dun rmb lei..." WAH,.. power line loih.

i probed furhter "wah, ur memory so bad siazz"
he "got meh? depends loh.. see if u toking abt numbers, names, faces, locations, or happenings"

gosh.. wat can i say..................

den i say "ok loh, nvm loh.. forget it.."
he "u angry ah?"
mi "no lah, wat can i b angry abt? jus get used to it can liao loh.."
den he jus diamzz..
he again "i really dun rmb got ktv lei.."
mi "ok.. mi diff, i treat u as frn, so i rmb wat we mentioned"
he diamzz.

den he got pissed n dun wan tok anymore.. den all the way, i can sense he unhappy liao.. i try strike chats anyways. but he jus nt humourous anymore. he's totally serious n.. on the defensive mode liao. after the lib thing, we chatted a bit on the visit to lib, but somehow he seem to again feel i bringing the ktv topic back.. he totally being emotional n cant think logically/sensibly. n he cant even take jokes anymore.. always on the defensive side. we toking abt the buses oso jammed. den he say nw everywhere jam. i said "no!! mrt no jamm :)" den he say "mrt will nt b jammed, but the commuters will b... "etc.. i jus tell him i trying to crack joke.

den, we circled around the city area for a while, finding a plc to eat. but later he decided to go to neighbourhood area for dinner. along the way, i again try to converse. i forgot wat i saying. but his reply was a ..... oh, i rmb, we were toking abt "sometimes ppl nt considerate at all, jus do watever he wan."
his reply "b4 u say tat, look at urself first to see if u r doing wat u r saying"
i said "yes i doing"
he "tis 1 got a few levels, knowing, understand, doing n upholding it"
i "yes i do them all"

den later, he very unhappy tat the road was jamemd (i doubted the truth in tis line, cos when he fetch mi earlier on, the parking lots oso full, but his attitude was much better). so i ask him, "u forgot wat u said earlier on?"
he "wat?"
mi "abt the 4 levels of preaching"
he "diff ppl got diff style of doing things.. some ppl..."
i jus interrupted "nvm, jus forget it.."

den we totally NVR tok for 1 hr, while he circling around, finding a plc to park. even when we settled down for dinner, waiting for our dishes, we oso din speak a word. i simply bochap oso. but i not pissed at all. my mood was still alright normal. he jsu ask mi how come i dun eat the vege he ordered. i told him "in ur workplc, i said b4 mah, i dun eat vege". den all the way, he jus been commenting on the things around us "tis vege is hot". "the drink is nice". wat can i say...

den seem like, he seem to knw, unless he tok, i nt gonna say anything anymore, when we leaving the plc, he tried to tok.. tis time more casual.. asking how i usually go home from city.. den he offered to send mi to the bus tat can take mi home directly. on way to bus, he try to strike normal chat, so i.. jus play along..

well, not a really eventful day. i was prep to b outside overnite, enjoying a splendid time wif him..

"halo....wishing u happy birthday a day later is very 'me' ok?!"

haha.. ya loh.. so singaporean.. :P

========================

"You're probably paying your family rent for the room, right?"

i'm not sure why u say that. but in asian countries, unless the ties with your family is really so drastic, they will b more than happy to have you live in with them. no rent is given at all. or, if u see a mthly cash contribution to the family as a rent, that's somehow different. but in my case, no rent is given.

however, i had told my mum, i OWN the rm, and dun allow any1 to occupy it without my permission. imagine: someone is in ur hse, and it's inconvenient for you to stay inside it, forcing you to be out. and it's not as though you are on good terms with them, but... sorri to pull him into the picture, but it's ur WL who let the ppl into the hse, due to some personal reason of his. n it's not appropriate for you to chase them out.

==========================

"You also like techno?? :D"

YEP, SHIOK! but my memory stay in the oldies lah.. mei fei se wu, cant fight the moonlight, mariah carey's It's like that.

these pix r REAL COOL!

pic1

pic2
this is the most fantastic! turns me on big time!

pic3

pic4
cool guy!

today, i finally got the time to read BLOGSSS YES!!!

office is my 2nd home

wah.. thes days i been staying in office past 6.15pm.. the official KO time. wah liao.. but well, it's a job tat i enjoying doing.. so i like it! n... yes, it's a demanding job, as in i am FORCED to learn perl but well, learning perl n able to code in it will b my asset n skills if i made it.

boss's pet

funny siazz.z.. today, after lunch, tat decent cute colleague of mine commented tat i am my boss's (female) pet... err.. well, possible for them to think in tis way, cos she really good n helpful to mi, inviting mi to watever discussions tat may b beneficial to mi.

the ppl may feel tat she's extraordinarily good to a new staff, but i'd say i am totally new to such professional dev env so, to keep mi going fast n good, she has to spend more effort in making sure i make the mark. other ppl got deg to boot themselves. i still studying deg siazz.. n she is willing to take mi in wif my highest ever pay.. i'm grateful for tat.. n inside tis company, got a few ppl who i sincerely grateful to, for they indeed helped mi a great deal when i first came in n needed to settle ASAP.

oh, abt the pet thing. she's good to mi. ppl may see in diff light. but i nt bothered. even if it's true, she... took extra care of mi. i jus do my work n perform at my best. tat all i care.

in house seminar

during an in-house seminar, have u ever experienced a situation, where a paper was passed around the participants for attendance marking, and you were already properly seated, not in a fluster or antyhing, and then suddenly, a lady comes up to you, asking if you've signed the attendance list??

lol.. tat happened to mi!! but i simply thank her for the gesture lah..

my dream..

funny.. i seem to have gotten tis dream b4.. n it's odd.. i cant decipher it..

it began wif a herd of cows. suddenly, all the cows are gone, n a mist is coming up. oni got 1 cow remaining. i knw i have to escape wif it. i pointed to it wif 2 fingers, and pulled it (by pointing) with all my might. den its eyes changed color. i continued pulling it. den i saw my dog n some animals by the side trying to resist the mist as well. den.. the mist suddenly went off and... all the cows are back... it felt.. kinda real, tat i trying to save thsoe cows.. n somehow managed to pull oni the only 1 remaining...

finishing my proj..

i still rmb, last wk, mayb on monday, i den started to install a new OS on a computer, for the revamp of the application tat i gonna take over. the deadline for it is set to 1 wk's time. ahah.. so i worked hard to find resources n info... n within a wk n wif help, i managed to get the system up and runnning!!! i was so impressed by myself!! kinda proved my caps siazz!! nw, i am.. like nothing much to do liao.. cos my part is done.. haha

the masseur

wah lioa, not again another anonymous??? u anonymous, den how am i suppose to reply u siazz.............. DUHZzz

gal pal

i went to read up blogs today.. n.. gosh, the gal pal's blog is the longest n losoh 1.. other blogs 3-5 mins done. hers.. 1 hr nt finish yet..

anyway, jus wanan write here... cos she nvr bother to reply my msn, i dun see the pt in commenting on her pg. she was writing abt her probation period. wah liao, somehow i feel she nt gonna take my pt. but nonetheless, probation period is of cos to see if u can b an asset to them, or liability. unless u really prove urself to b genius, finishing a job in days when they expect wks, they usually take their time to confirm ur position. y bother abt whether u r confirmed anot.. jus do ur best n contribute ur skills to the company. the more u think of when u gonna b confirmed, the more time u feel has passed. unless, perhaps u use tactics.. whcih may backfire though..

rendevous for saturday

wah.. come to thik of it, for a LOOOONNNNNNNNGGGGGGG time, i din check out who been visiting my blog...

anyway, the masseur who serviced mi on my bday celeb... hehe... is meeting mi up tis sat... ever since we exchanged contact over the wkend, we been toking to each other over the whole wk... really.. daily chats... toking nonsense n hearing his getting-high voice lol.. toking with words that carry a symbolic meaning, if u hear them carefully hahaha..

all along, been toking those.. topics wif sexual references. for 3 str8 days.. did we tok on sunday? dun think so..

den ytday, was special... we kinda delved into other topic.. n... knew abt each other deeper/more.. all began from mi lol..

we planned to mit on sat evening for a tok by NLB. den our plan is to go n... ya u know.. den when deciding on the venue, he suggested those spas n sauna.. but i told him i dun enjoy going there.. cos it's not my style to go in. den from there, we discussed other things... serious chat.. in a serious (or heavy?) mood. including life's perspectives, religious, lifestyles, n future endeavour (wow, i dinno endearment n endear all mean diff things). we tok abt life exp. and shared our interests. he into oldies, n i oso knw some oldies. we have similar views in life, but both not looking for LTRs anymore.

he oso shared some "thinking articles" wif mi.. hehe.. n strangely.. i dunno which came first.. ktv or venue offer. cos, strangely, at first he say his plc nt convenient n wanna go sauna. den after toking either abt ktv or discussion of views, he is ok to bring mi to his plc =D.. anyway, after tat nite, we will b heading for ktv for oldies.

haha.. wondering if it means i found a new frn, tat started off from sexual interest :)

room being overtaken

aiyo, last night, almost havoc at home siazz...

i KO at 8pm, got home near 9. den to my bad surprise, my bro at home, IN MY ROOM WIF HIS WIFE. WAH LIAO, WAT U EXPECT MI TO DO?? SHOUT AT THEM? NAH.. NOT TO MY ADV. BUT I STIL LWENT IN TO PUT MY THINGS, DEN SHOUTED TO MY MUM TO LEAVE THE RM SO I CAN CHANGE MY CLOTHES. YES, ALL THESE ON PURPOSE. DEN ON HER WAY OUT, I OSO SHOUTED TAT, "MY CLOTHES CANT B FOUND", N WENT TO TAKE NEW CLOTHES FROM CUPBOARD. DEN MY BRO TOLD HER BACK, "HE DIN TOUCH ANY OF MY CLOTHES"

i was thnking "ya rite! she sitting on the bed. her position is where i left my clothes. if she din move, den she is sitting on it!"

but my mum oso din say anything, she jus kept quiet... i think she oso knw wat;s happening loh... tat i si bei (entirely/thoroughly) buay song (pissed/unhappy) tat i got no rm to change my clothes. machaim (almost like) my rm taken over again.

the thing is tat, even though i nt at home, cant they jus do thigns in the living rm? y muz they jus be inside there, n take their own sweet time?? i wonder, how wld he feel, if he's the one who always use the rm, den 1 day, i bring hme couple a frns, n stay inside there. HOW THE HELL WLD HE FEEL?? being taken adv of, or "let it be"???