somehow, i have a number of things to update, but off hand, i cant rmb all...

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not sure hwo to start off a subjct. well, in the past, if there is soemthign i haveto rmb, eg some words, some sequence, etc, i will usually PICTURE IT n rmb it. picture as in, i keep the whole image (or how the word looks like) and rmb it. den i can recall it easier, insteaqd of remembering by its pronunciation or spelling. but jus now, i was tring to rmb "bodhisattva", n was using its pronunciation. den i rmb, i shld b usign the "film" in my brain. ehhe, i managed to do it. even when i was in sec sch, there was a tv show, the ppl were told to rmb a sequence of numbers. (left 2, right 5, left 3, left 1, etc)

for ppl who have a GOOD memory, well, shld b no problem. but others, may rmb it by the left 2/3/4. but for mi, i pictured it in my brain, the position of the first number, 2nd 3rd. since it's a picture, i can rmb it. my mum oso ask how i did it.

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last night was showing the superstar ppl hosting. they got a sauna scene. wat i rmb, is such idols usually dun bare their skins so easily. the producer either changed it perception and the "idols" too, or they wanna save the viewership.

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during my 6 mths of working tis yr, i somehow was persistent in my idea n suggetions. den now, my exams over liao, i seem to have better control over my EQ n way of expressing myself.

den yesterday, when i go to work, i was using my mp3 player, n taking news paper. wah, i kinda look so cool siazz.. ahah, n for the first tiem, i was really mesmerised by the songs i was listening, tat i was humming the songs to myself. hehe, i felt i kinda made some ppl turn their heads. but i was really.. turned on by the songs, i bochap :)

hehe, i rmb 1 mth back, got a caucasian said in a forum tat he was listening to his fast paced songs n dancing to himself, the passers-by all stared at him in disbelief haha.

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ahha, jus checked on the "map". for france/paris ahah, so paiseh siazzz

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somehow, these days i seem to get premonitions... eye twitches... dunno how true is tat...

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"this is not a very friendly response!" - u mean the monash modules? ehhe, paiseh paiseh.. but haah, it did help in making our grad time sama sama rite?? hahaha...

"Stay away from my HR turf!" - hehe, It support is not an area to be survived on. i got java basic to fall back on. my dip is too outdated liao. see first.

--- i am an introvert all along. i tried to make myself outgoing but it's VELI tiring. i mena, i can be spontaneous n be chatty wif newly made frns. but over time, it'll die down, cos it's really tiring. job ads often ask if candidates ca b team player. i thot i can. cos as long there is communications within the team, it shld b alright to work as a team.

but now, i have doubts on myself abt tat. can i really work as a team member? my job now centres on picking up phones and answering queries. many times, when i'm at my pc, i feel lazy to walk around n chat wif ppl. i am just stuck on my chair. unless my inquisitive side gets mi, i wun go up and tok much. wld prefer to stay quiet n b ready to pick calls.

i begin to feel tat i need to work alone, wif myself working hard to control the direction of my future. ie, a stable n low income is not my vision. wld prefer a career whcih i can take charge of its happening. well, perhaps my prog self is coming back, in the marketing n sales line.

i do prefer making new frns n moving around. although this can b tiring at times.

my self esteem is low, as wat i gathered from a social cognition book. as a person who acts independently (hey, i resolve my own problems as best as i can n take care of myself), i have high esteem on tat. but wif a group, i usually no idea who to join. 'cos wif a group, i dun relaly know who i can tok to. and whether tat person will wanna tok to mi anot. unless tat person has formed strong bonds wif mi?

usualy, i prefer to tok to gers. cos, they r the frnlier kind? n we can oso tok abt guys if the need arises. but now, another reason came up to mi: if i tok to guys, i tend to judge them wif their appearances. if it's nice looking, i will try to tok more to acquaint wif him. if not, i may try to tok at times.---

"YOu actually went to an exams unprepared?" - ye, u saw it rite. well, i totally lost hope in preparing for it. not say din read anythign. u know, i was reading the first LT notes, den saw it's merely points n need to refer back to txtbk to read details. den at the txtbk, i din bother to find out which chap/sect/para the notes were discussing, n stated from the basic chap of the bk. i found joy (wah, sound veli xtian hor?) in reading tat part. i realise my foundation is kinda really gone. i was re-picking up my HW knowledge. wat's more, 2 days to help mi finish 11-12 stacks of LT notes, each wif 30-50 pages. n not forgetting i nedd to touch on the asgt, n past exams to brush my skills up. all these, i dun BLIF i can finish in 2 dayss.

this is not "having no conf" but knowing ur limits n not pushing urself too hard when u know u really cant mee the deadline. but i still read watever i can, in the book. wif the knowledge i have, i went for the exam wif a light heart. i still managed to ans soem qns ok lah. i did not return a blank page.

"It now works, and you're syndicagted again" haha, nice to hear tat. i think it's really due to the language settings on my blog :) do keep ourselves in contact with each other!!

" Hey luvktv, you have a great blog here" was posted to a blog dated in february. pretty surprised, but nothignt o say.

haha, the producer of the show VELI determined not to expose certain body parts of the guy siazz...

actually.. why are humans considered as the superior being? jus now, Tv got reports many crows died. den got 1 scene. a bird lying on the roadside. another bird was trying to perch on it and pick it up. but 2 heavy n failed. it's saddening to see such a scene.

once again, the lead actor has a topless scene. haha, is this the std of shows? commercial shows?

oh well,.. cuties oon my "camera" again =D

wah, the finalists of the super star show so lucky... most every wk got a stage for them to sing. ahha, aka holding a solo concert siazz.. cos got aud, no judge. wif the botak hairdo, he look tuffer n leaner...

stephen n nicholas... wat else do i have to say? well, ste is tied up tho... the tattered shirt looks rugged...

the lead of ong bak show.. helping in charity. he can look both charming (top left pic), n serious n in deep thots. but his acting is 2nd'ary. his fighting skills is still main draw. tat y his firs tshow, jus focus on his fighting. n like asia's jackie chan, he's a knack for fighting. haha, ok, the main pic i took, is jus on time for the sexy scene.

rr... the supposedly first pic of the cute yandao... maybe i forgot to post it ytday

the guy in black has a stunningly cute smile.

another picture of the cutie yandao, in pink

this is certainly a cool scene. haha... spreadeagle, shirt rolled up, muscled bod, body full of water n glossy. haha, i wonder wat happens at the shooting scene...

i dun think i posted this pic right? anyway, haha, jus a fetish pic loh.. a person kena drugged somehow, n end up being in captive. haha, if the actor really have such fetish, i wonder if he can control his mind, not to have any ... psycho? effect.. ie reaction.

the versatile adam chen doing his bit for charity

what does it say, if i shld wake up almost every morn @ 3-5am to study but failed, however if i need to give morn call, i make sure i wake in time for it, n study at same time?

wah say... saturday was a GREAT day. i had wanna go swim, den go for hair txtmt, den go NLB borrow PR book, reformat PC, clear up room, use a brand new PC. somehow, there was a BIG change. on fri night, i had a VELI VELI full dinner. 'cos i drank soft drink? dunno. den sat morn, i dun feel hungry at all. den thot of many things. decided no need go swim, salon. libary, i went still, cos after library is lunch. i oni know i wanna loan the bk on PR, den dunno wat title, ahah..

den i got home, GOSH... does any1 know how to backup msn emotiona?? wah lioa, jus when i wanna reform my pc, i realise there's no way to backup msn emotions?? shit!!!!!

oh... so now, left clear up rm. ok loh. i started at 5pm, changed into tights so tat haha, my body can disperse heat easily. but still hor, no fan move thigns, clear up n sweep rm, veli tedious.. i keep perspiring. so much tat i forgot i need to drink water to replenish it tilli felt a bit dizzy. finally, things r done by 11pm. the fan oso clearned lioa. haha. it's VELI tiring, but it's my hard work!!! i'm proud of it!!

so, time to go diner/supper lioa. wah liao, i so damn weak siazz.. as i stepped out of house, i felt so weak n feeble. in mi mind, i oni have a line: quikc, i muz buy my supper, n muz not drop.

i was even trying to convince myself to keep on walking.

Just then, my legs started to speed up... speed up, till it was speed-walking. i was stunned, cos i know i'm tired n weak, but my legs was bringing mi to such a high speed of walking! till i reached the traffic light, my legs just kept walking. finally, as i reach the traffic, i constantly told myself to slow down, cos i DUN WAN CROSS THE TRAFFIC W/O SAFETY IN MIND!

this was the most surprising thing siazz.

den somehow, today, i felt my whole body is aching siazz... siaozz... such tidying up oso will cause my ache??

it's my gal pal bday!!!

hope u r enjoying it :)

umm.. loads of things to upadte..since my exam is over... i oso have a wishlist to fulfil. actually all along have a wishlist, but now, havign controlled my desires for a long time due to financial contraints, (yes once more, it's the FC) it's time to make the wishes come true... not all, but 1 by 1...

1) get back my contact lens
2) read up on HR... or, PR lah
3) clean up my room (lotsa stagnant air)
4) check monash paymnt modes
5) buy a digi cam
6) reformat my pc
7) house keep the videos n pix
8) clear mails so on

few days back, ch U was discussing the reln between studs n trs. ahha, after watching the dicussion, i really lament (2 serious? not really...) on the plight of today's trs. well, i tok abt this wif my mum. she agree wif mi.

c, back on 1960s, mum's era, the TR is held so highly in regard. the TR is so well educated n knowledgeable. the parents simply handed their children over to the TR to discipline. they take the TR as god n mr know all. they dun dare qn the TR. the TR wanna cane their children, they muz have their reasons for doing so.

recently in 1990s (err, not tat recent lah.. yes i know), parents love their children now n do protect children from abuse by TRs. tat time, TRs still hold power n have the right to discipline n reprimand their children. i rmb, when i first attended.. some chn classes, cos i blur blur dinno TR told us to practise some writing, i kena exposed n he grabbed my hair, face, cheeek n shook mi all over. well, perhaps my timidness oso did its work. i din tell my family at all. but this period of time, students oni know they MUZ do well in sch. nvm if the TR can instil instrest in us anot. it's our duty to study well. the load is on us to do well. if the TR instil intrerest in us, a bonus.

but, look at now. a simple word from the TR to chide the student off will invite a complaint from the parent. the parent simply tereat their kids like king n untouchable. the TR these days really cant do much at all. they dun have any power liao. they r merely ppl who r supposed to teach, instil interest for subject, n try means n ways to keep them keen.

rmb in the past, PSLE/"O"/"A" r all IMPT exam we need to pass? lok at now. the chn syllabus SIMPLIFIED by so much. i think if my siblings retake chn in the sch, we sure get into higher chn level classes. the kids nowadays r kinda too pampered. do they know the meaning of failing, fighting for a pass? failing means they dun really understand a subj but MUZ pass as it's an impt subj for their life. fighting for a pass means, they really strive hard to pass.

now, there r ppl who, for god's sake, duno hwo to speak proper chn, although they have a "chn" name. eg zheng4 li2 jing1. but 2 b fashionable n westernised n keep up wif the times, they clal themselves Eliza Tay. the LI JING? oh forget it, it's so silly n YUX!!! sometimes, even parents themselves dun wan give their kids a proper chn name. the eng name is more impt. huh? well, just keep this in mind. yin shui si yuan - rmb ur roots. n "wang ben mo wang gen" - u can forget who u r, lose urself, but u have to rmb ur roots.

if u meet a malay frn yr later, but u realise he cant speak a proper malay line but can speak fluent eng, will u admire his english or grieve his loss of his grip on his mother tongue? for mi, i may be impressed tat he's using an accented english slang, but will feel bad if he is not able to tok wif his country mates. n i will really feel sad tat he cant speak his mother tongue.

there r millions of ppl tryinmg to learn our MANDARIN. but there r some who simply dun treasure it n blif they wun need it. well it'll b ur loss. i really wonder if the kids these days can spurt out a proper chinese line.

err, oh, where am i heading?? ok, i mean, these days, students simply want to lead their own lives n if somethings goes wrong, they seem to succumb to it. and complain to their parents. their parents, being well educated will want the best for their kids. they dun wan any1 to ill-treat them and make a big fuss if they SUSPECT the TR did something wrong. gosh...

in this way, how r TRs going to keep students in control??

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um, ok, so today i took my exam.. err, ok, b4 tat, i went to work on thur. den liao... i kena SUAN by my boss. he insinuated mi by saying, some ppl sleep late, n wake up feeling dizzy. some ppl got exam stress, so will feel unwell. KAUZZ!!! make mi sound like i KENGz 1. well i din bother to defend. it jsut the way they wanna think. but i will not b staying long there. thinking of, going insurance partime, like wat Oz pal suggested.

cos this place, really jialutz. tings keep changing. their ops base oso move to msia liao. i think sooner or later ,our helpdesk oso shift place. wat's more, being in IT is a low level job. wat's more it's Supporting role. even worse.

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ok, tok exam now. haha, fwe things. my left eye twitched again. maybe it's saying i'm late for the exam. cos.. hha, jus when i alighted from train, den i realise i'm really rushing for time liao. but i was all along having a relax mind. wif no stress n pressure telling miself to pass. i even took TODAY n read on way there. haha, so relax huh? for the first time, i actua;lly saw ppl cheat in exam.

the guy beside mi was fidgetting. so i looked and by chance, saw him take out a stack of small paper pieces. i know wat he doing. during the first 5 mins, i wanna b a hero n expose him siazz. was thinking "who in the hell shld chaet in exam??" it's not right!! but later, i cooled down. n thot: oh well, he shld b despo to pass, tat why wnana cheat. nvm lah.. jus let him b.

2nd ting is, it's my first time to be so DARN relaxed in exams!!! cos i know my aim is to check outt he qns. whether i pass or not is 2nd'ary. i was so light hearted, when i saw tuff questions, i either tok cock, or i simply giggled. i still did wat i could in the exam. my first timet o come so unprepared for exam, n not worry if can pass anot siazz...

after exam, i felt SO FREE................ even had fun joking in the office. finally my load is off... my exam ie. so time to enjoy myself.

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"go for a walk... take it easy"

hey les, thx for tat. i did relax myself from time to time :)

"graduate together"

hey, i dinno u retook a few modules. haha, i wonder if we will match each other's schedule jus lke ATC times hahaha. 24 hrs difference!!!!!!@@ but u forgot, monash dun have supp paper. once u fail, retake the module. but i din think of MC for exam lah. anyway, too late to read ur comments.

gal pal, u're welcome. it was 7+am, i thot u had to work in the morning, n can pick up the hp. um, i read ur comments abt the time tu wrote it. haha, now si 140am liao. i forgot wat exactly i wanna say. anyway, summary: u've always been able to offer insight views to mi. from a sensible n logical way of thinking. it's always been refreshing n nice to hear ur views. n keep ur msn nick on, the 2nd part is saying the right thing. :)

is this my destiny? this morning suddenly felt heaty inside n feeling cold outside. doc say maybe due to viral infection, cos my temp is ok. so i took the med. wah lioa. the med so strong i slept for abt 6 hrs siazz. but... damn, i kinda stress until almost wanna fall asleep, den my brain wake mi up, sub-consciously. happena few times. in end, slept for 1 hr, 1 hr.feel so bad to leave my colleagues in the lurch... guess... i muz really clean up my room. i think its cleanliness is the root cause. not been clearning up for months. ever since... i started prep for my first java exam... or even java course. this fri is my final exam. hope i can find a good place to relax...

destiny, as in... destined tat i dun have time to read my exam. u know, i slept for about 6 hrs siazz.. mean, 6 hrs i no study at all. my boss oso called to see if i keng 1. having lost 6 hrs, n knowing NUTS, or jus BASICS of my exam, i can oni depend on reading the books, skimming the notes, and revising the asgts to update my knowledge. frankly, this exam, i no cofidence of passing. for the monday exam (24/10), i stand a chance. cos the theories i can smoke thru, n argue thru wif my prac exp, den the program skills part, i oso ok, cos i used to it. i even thot, how come they asking such simple questions? wif my (own) level, these r considered pri sch std to mi. but i still did it, telling myself jus ans watever simple question they ask.

for fri exam, i think will b my first time to walk out within 1 hr... cos... haha, totally no clue how to answer the questios... will keep my fings crossed still. actually, as i studying, i oso thot of simply not atetnd the exam, as i know i sure flunk. but then, w/o trying is not my style. n after i try, cos this sem the lecturer is first time coordingating the module, her style may b diff in setting exam. if i fail this time, i will know her pattern and know how to deal wif her. haha, in fact, after writing this line, I AM contemplating (read: To have in mind as an intention or possibility) of really not studying since i so no confi in passing. i mean, i got 10-12 SGs to revise (read up), each SG has 30-50 slides to go thru. the slides, well, contain oni pt form info. i lost the foundation of internal HW. failing the asgts mean i totally dun understand the contents. i can depend on the books to give mi back the foundation, but in 2 days? i did try the asgts from wat i learn from the bk, but i still failed 3 outta 5. the first asgt i lack 1 pt from a perfect score as it;s DAMN easy. the last asgt got border line pass, cos i din answer to wat the marker was looking for.

all of u, pls... pray? dunno lei, cos i no confi i will pass. will pray help? can oni depend on luck n my smoking skills. i'm actually prepared to re-take tis module. cos, been 1 yr since i took my last HW related module. HW i totally clueless n blur. den now, suddenly, i taking the 2nd level HW module. den 'cos my java exams, i din have time to read up n study the module. or, + after the first lesson, i feel it's VERY simple n can-pass-1, so din bother to take time to read up n attend the lessons, oni when first 2nd asgt is due, den i dunno wat to ans, i went to class again, n realise how chim it is. ok, since taking up the 2nd level module, i feel i somehow, lack the foundation i built up 1 yr back. tat y so hard to mi to grasp the gis.

so, ya, prepared to re-take the moduke. n yes, if u din catch the hint, at this moment, i kinda set my mind to finish my monash first. but still may go to fields other than IT. perhaps to earn money first? IT now sucks ofr mi, cos my kowledge is too low level, unless i go for java basic program job. duno. haha, thot of some other things, but.. dunno once more for short.

anyway, it warms my heart to get a comment from carameal, as though 2 guys on the verge of breaking r encouraging each other. n it touches mi to see the line abt graduating together.. haha... pals in need r pals indeed.

disappointing stories come to me 1 by 1.

1) i'm not used to studying hard anymore. been wnating to wake at 3-5am to read notes, but... but i'll either wake up, forget wat happened, n sleep again. alarm does not help.

2) my brain seem to have burnt out. in the sense, i'm really tired out.. or perhaps, i've given up in the chase for high qualification. i totally.. jus read thru the notes, unless i remind myself, i have no idea wat thigns shld i memorise. for my java, it's the same. i know the theories. but the qns r quite tricky. i saw that in the basic exam. but... was not prepared for it in the adv 1.

n i muz admit, the failure in java did affect mi, causing a disruption to my dreams of full-fledged programmer. until.. this... monash.

right now, i'm only waiting to give my last shot, den enjoy n relax. n for those frns who i tok to these few days, thx a heaven lot (hell is not a gd word) for ur accompany, and care/concern, and luv. i've been holding myself back a lot for now, hope i can totally let myself go after my exams, and show my appreciation for those who been supporting mi... behind the scenes..

talkign about enjoyign n relax.. it means returning to myself. Mariah's song: no stress no pain, i'm leaving it all behind. in fact, 4 songs r inside my mind.

1) Mariah Carey's It's Like That
2) TATU's All About Us
3) Mavis Fan's We want us to be together
4) Fish Leong's Unconditional, For you

3) n i realis tat, over these days, or period of time, i've not read the papers, although i can still think logically n analyse, but i've become pretty blur. 1 such incident is when i visited Singapore pools. there r 4 containers who picking out a number eeach. to think, i actuall thot... 1 container pick a winning 4 digits each. there r 23 combos of 4D to get. it's a prime number. how come put 23 container? who can the container finish the job for 23 combos?

den i realise, 1 container pick 1 number of a combo. DUHZ... m i really so burned out?

4) a loyal reader of mine (William ie), had commented tat i shld not focus so much on 1 thing n perhaps lose the goodness of another. well, if i've passed my exams properly, i've made a good sacrifice. but now, i doubt it.

5) not been visitng my frns' blogzss for a long time. as i have the thot of focussing on my exam. but it seem futile... n yes, i wasn't tat apreciative of my frns's efforts in the past, in the sense, i din voice out how grateful i am/was. now, i'm getting more appreciative... :) hope i'm beign more empathic in this way

my alarm has jus went off at 3pm. imagine. it rang 3am, den til l330am or 352am den i woke to TURN IT OFF

i dunno wat happening to mi siazz..

1) i jus got asgt 4 back. passing is 50, i got 14.5. i was TOTALLY stunned. den later i saw a post saying the total shld b 35 oni... dunno wait first. wah liao... i think i can.. 1 mroe time, prepare to fail my exam if my understanding is really SO BAD.

2) today was writing my blog, n maybe some other things, den the power supply totally CUT. all my computer things disappeared. wah lioa........... can we ask for compensation? the blog was LOng.. cos i realy wrote as i thot.

3) my impression is tat, the tuff monash module exam is next mon. den i jus wanna check the dates n times of the exam. to my surprise, the tuffer exam is next fri. the easier 1, web design is the coming mon. sianzzz... wat's wrong wif mi?

4) in the 3rd quarter of the yr, my life seem to be having lotsa probs. java, monash, time mgmt. career.

5) watching the tv, i saw the depression ad. suicidal thots, depressed, agitated. i'm having it. but overtime, i managed to pull myself thru. somehow, being independent makes u more independent. u need to understand urself n wat u going thru, so u will not make the wrong decision...

6) somehow i managed to understand why... when ppl r given the chance to seek greener pastures, their loved ones worry. worry that they cant keep them by their side. afraid to lose them. i facing this right now. in the vening, my left eye twitched. i duno wat it mean. now i kinda guessed it. well, i dun see any help in denying tat greener pasture from the person. if the person insist, the route will be given. wat's ur is urs..

a cute guy looking for florist related work.. he reminds mi of a hk actor...

not forgetting somthing. in my poly days... i have often been lying. i felt quite ok. cos i think my lies were quite flawless. until i saw jackie chan commercial. he say he dun like to lie, as he need to come up with another lie to cover the first one. it's very tiring. i saw some truth in it. n decided to b truthful. n i've alwasy been wanting to b true n frank abt my orientation. cos there r places which r exclusive to gays, but will b obvious if i were to say it out.

i had a job whcih i was frank abt myself. ya, to the extent of even telling a yandao colleague tat he does look good too. 3 wks later, i was transferred to another br. this br, i work 4 days lao. den they tell mi they dun need mi anymore. i discussed this online n realised that i was 2 open. coming out is 1 issue, and telling a str8 guy i like him is another.

from then on, i decided it's unwise to b tat frank. n hide my orientation all the way. till now. it's pretty tiring. 'cos i cant let ppl know abt it, i can't discuss some things wif them. cos i got no job security, i dun wan my orientation to b an obstacle to my success. it's really like living in a conflicted self.

i'm an introvert by nature. i can b an extrovert if i choose to be, altho will b tiring. soemhow, other gays seem to be living a happy life without coming out at all. but wif mi, not so. so i think, it's my PR skills. somehow i really prefer a place where... my orientation can b a known-2-all. but will not affect my job. it's a risk i have to take though.

bur right now, it's not a good/rite time to think of career path. w/o managing to tok to SOS line, i feel i muz do well, at least in this upcoming exam.

haha, ever heard of banana being circumcised??

ytday was really a joke. for the morning bfast, my left eye twitched. i went for bfast, n had a bad time. the main course not satisfying, n the side dish... wah liao, pissed mi off siazz... den it's raining when we reached home. so i took a nap, as no plan for the day. n i dun wan do anything. jus wnana rest my life.

den suddenly decided to go out. had wanna go home first den go out. but wah liao, too late liao by tthe tim i leave my home. so, at my family there, altho i dun have much things to wear for outing. i jus grabbed soemthing tat match den hair oso nothign to cover. my dress code VELI poly/sec age siazz.. my hair is the spoilsport. wah liao, den hor even got ppl wanna cruise mi siazz.. (leave it to last para, provided i rmb to write)

but, jus b4 i step out of house, i got left eye twitch again. sighzz.z. guess i gotta b careful? it's seem my 6th sense? right eye is good thing, left eye bad? in e end, i supposed to do laundry in evening, but end up doing in EARLY morning. resd 1am. guess i shldn't keep on the tease. scali it backfire...

abt the cuirsing, well, cut short e story. i have bad impression of ppl, who wanna make their presence felt by "coughin" or some rude n rough gestures.

den today at work, i kinda... got surrpises... i defended my snr when the boss felt soemthing is not rite. den when solving a case, the jnr gave some suggestions, but i felt they dun apply so i din do, and these r drastic acts. so i took the time to resolve it. n finally made it. haha, even the user was happy isazz... n the jnr, although keep urging mi to use her ways, was silent when my persistence paid off. lastly, a new prod is coming out. n i volunteered to check wif the person in charge, resultign in new findings...

den hor, as usual/normal, i was on way to work, den i stunned all the way. i jus stared into blank. duno wat to do abt my future. cos i think IT is not my way. pub singing, teaching, columnist, technical writer, biz, tuition tr, n things tat dun need CERTSSSS (check the number of Ss).

pub singing. sighzz, a fat/wet dream?
teaching. can give a try, but how much can i earn? scrimpt n save is 2 tiresome for mi liao
columnist. i may b a braggart, or over confi. cos my colleagues in office,their language is not my level. i feel tat i am good at language. n wif my view of issues, perhaps i can join in n offer some readers my POV? but no idea where to start
technical writer. dunno wat tat is. but i can write, n got technical background. know how to explain in layperon term. do i fit the bill?
biz. i oso gto think, wif my character, i like to b in charge n do things my way. if i have my biz, i can decide wat shld happen. but wat idea do i have to start it? n captital?
tuition tr. quite ok, but i haven't touched books a long tiem...

den i thto of being adviser. cos i kinda know how it works liao. but den, it's VERY odd tat i suddenly approach an agency n ask ot b adviser. n no 1 find mi. i'm stuck.

den today at work, got 1 case pending for some tiem. she got prob sending proposals. no update from her yet. so i called her to check again. she say he bz n will call back. later after lunch, she really called. n she really appreciated tat i still rmb her case n followed up. cos, she;s right to say, "even if i dun follow up, no 1 knows, n she forgot oso. n everytime she say she will call back, but never did. end up i call her". she is happy tat i got such attitude.

so we chatted a bit. she ask mi more abt myself. she is agent, but developing into leader. n cos i told her, i wanna earn more money, so tat later on in life, can enjoy myself, she ask if i wanna become agent. n ask if anyone ask mi thsi qn b4. i told her some ppl wanna us buy policy from them lah. but first time have ppl ask mi to b agent.

she say she sense tat i'm diligent, n have the intention to make more money. n she told mi, there's no pt in keeping up wif paper qualification. she got dip in BA from SP. den took some ACCA oso, n later on some IT cert, cos she feel IT will b the trend. now she in insurance. i find tat it's really qiao loh... she frankly said, i muz b shameless (thick skinned) n willing to work hard to succeed. last time, due to a large amount of investment fund lacking, i cant go for passive income. now, for insur, i duno liao. cos for now, the oni investment i can think of is, the laptop for the job, n courses tat i need to attend. of cos, i may need to pay for the courses tat i gonna attend.

i'm not sure. the adviser was keen to get mi. n, wif my inclination to take a short rest every now n den, i think i really wan a job tat can let mi control my own time. n i dun mind changing myself to b extrovert, i mean, i can make myself frnly n b chatty. yes it's tiring, but i'm ok wif it. at end of day, i still become a loner? haha, sound superficial hor? oh well, at work, who aint?

recently, got 2 incident. i dunno if it's considered racial prejudice. got 1 indian staff. a guy who joined us 2 mths back commented in the office openly tat, the air freshener smells nicer than the indian's perfume.

n the snr, i dunno wat happened. suddenly, the indian was blamed for not performing a job well. he claimed tat the snr din state the special terms. snr at this time, called the mgmt office n exclaimed tat the indian din fllow the special terms. the indian den defended "u din state the terms, dun say i din follow" in a defensive n soft stance. den the snr later said jokingly, "nvm lah, even the mgmt has not finished wif the prep stuff yet"... wah such quick change in attitude.. hahah...

is there a good working env, where the ppl really is serious in makingt he place good to work in? where every1 is open?

-- matie!
to be honest sweetie, lied to u before...i remember lying to yeh that my dick is smaller. lol...
it's okie dokie to eat more. no worries about it. i eat alot no as well...
yeah! give the customer service @ pacnet a buzz...scream your head off at them yer...
show them what ya made of!!!!
QUEER POWER!
===========

huh? did we discuss this b4?? anyway, not keen to know the dick size... u cant tempt mi at all...
ok to eat more, but financially stuck does not give a good reason.
ya, i caleld Pacnet up. i was so firm n stern in my tone siazz.. they say will post mi the invoice again. i think i wnana switch ISP soon liaozz...

===============

"you are getting very self conscious as far a i can read."

yes, since i'm knowing more n more abt myself... even know tat, i'm still introvert to str8 ppl. esp when i cant b so truthful to them.

=============

"I always had good luck w/ dog and cat together. The last cat hasn't been very nice to dog but the situation has mellowed considerably. The old cats used to play very hard w/ the dog, other people thought they were hurting each other and they were just having fun. Good luck!"

quite true... i'd luv to try it :)

==============

btw, calf is an elementary word...
a baby cow is called a vealer.
lol...
i do have a frd that has a dog and a cat. they have both grow up together...till the extend when the dog died, the cat has also lost it's motivation to live.i'm serious. i always think that this incident is trying to tell me something.

===============

hey, vealer is a calf who is destined to be served as a meal. did u check your dictionary? :D
well, the pets have grown to depend on each other.

===============

" you should seduce that fatty and rape him..then hor, your frustration will be all gone."

fatty?? i dun wan die of haert attack siazz.. i wanna stick to my healthy diet.

==================

for my xmen results, seem like... my aj frns.. close 1s have gotten jean grey as the top choice. den my close gal pal, oso got jean. haha, do all ajs, who usualy make decisions, have her as top choice?

====================

a recent comment:
" IT doesnt only revolve ard Java rite? Why so drastic huh? "

i dunno who commented, so dunno how much this person know mi. It does not revolve around java yes. It is a BIG industry. it keep changing. hwo fast can u keep up? ppl have diff interest when it comes to IT. some HW, some MM, some networking. mi is programming. if i go into either of them, i'll hav a HARD time coping. programming is my forte, cos i like the logical way it works. i dun have to play by its rules n live by its temper. i can make it work the way i wan.

n java is the language i love. if u have the interest, u will have the luck. if i go into other languaes, i may make it. but who know? furthermore, i may need certain certs b4 i can take it. n i have the passion for java. hwo am i gonna convince ppl tat the language is good? jus 'cos it pop?

====================

On 25th August, I took my WCD java test. There are 69 scored questions in the exam. I answered 30 correct, giving my 43%. The passing score is 62%. My score is 43%.

Attempt 1

Sect 1	50%	Sect 2	62%
Sect 3	57%	Sect 4	42%
Sect 5	50%	Sect 6	71%
Sect 7	0%	Sect 8	0%
Sect 9	12%	Sect 10	80%
Sect 11	33%

So, I flunked it. Alright, I then borrowed from NLB, an exam study guide 310-080 version. My exam is version 310-081. Got difference. So I checked the itnernet, and found a site whcih seem to offer guidance on 081 topic. but it's more of a crash course, assuming u have the basics and it merely emphasises on the key points.

I studied both. Or perhaps, read and studied.

2 months later, on 15th October, I took my WCD java test again. in my thots, as i'ved failed once, I'm mentally prepared to fail again. Altough, i thot since i studied SO HARD, i shld have a chance to pass. but i lost the confidence liao. i thot b4. if this tiem, 2nd time, i still dun pass, i can say It is really not a path for mi to stay on. some reasons maybe, i'm on the technology side whcih keep improving. will i be able to keep up? n this time, if i missed it again, i guess it's fated i cant do IT anymore. cos my IT dip was gotten 5 yrs back. so if stil dun pass, i think i can give IT up. but i still hope for the best lah.

Today, there are 69 scored questions in the exam. I answered 42 correct, giving my 60%. The passing score is 62%. My score is 60%. I made the calculation. I missed by 1 question. To get 62% correct, I needed 42.78 questions right at least. Scoring 60%, I only got 41.4 questions correct.

Attempt 2

Sect 1	50%	Sect 2	50%
Sect 3	71%	Sect 4	57%
Sect 5	83%	Sect 6	71%
Sect 7	60%	Sect 8	50%
Sect 9	62%	Sect 10	40%
Sect 11	66%

I really did pretty well 2nd time. As perhaps as fate decreed, nothing gonna happen. and the book did not seem to help a lot. Remember, I only had the practical sessions to help me with my Attempt 1.

And this time, I did not put the pressure on my self to blame anything. I took it in my stride. Took it that, Heaven/Fate does not want mi on IT path anymore. I'm aleady prepared for this failure. What or who can I blame?

Blame java for not making the questions simpler? for not pan-chan-ning mi? blame authors for not comiong out wif the new book fast? oh well. I'm not sure of my plan now. But my first thought is to give up IT. Give up pursuing IT as a career. I intend to call SOS line for counselling.

err... a STUPIODDDDD show, a waste of timet o watch (n film), but the actor... this 1 is a LITTLE cute, and chest look kinda fun to play wif haha..

err.. upon seeing this pic, i find tat.. am i pervert? i admit i was trying to catch his nipps in the picture... but 2 bad, missed everytime. anyway, his face looks blur.. pretty cute :)

2 yandaoz, and 1 cutie on the show...

K1 member? ehhe, cute guy though..

cute actor

the winner of manhunt

the hunk, and the cute

hairy guy. looks beter wif shirt on.. sighzz

hunky guy wif boyish look, plus cute guest on the show

a veli nice looking model wif superb bod... WAH..... i kinda pity him siazz.. for the show, he went topless, den his chest kena touch by so many hands, as though it's free to touch like dat... but being a model wif luks n bodz, i think he know wat to expect liao..

tis ger... seem to have a similar character-matching image wif my Oz ger pal...

am i rewally so BAD in PR?? it seems tat my frns can udnerstand mi. but wif the group of colleagues whom i spent 6 mths wif, at times, they still think i'm blur. dunno, in my opinions, sometimes they dun share their findings wif mi, although, as a team player, i pass new info to them.

somehow, i think,... does my programmer logical thinking make a gap between mi n em? anyway, i'm still doing last min prep for my java. i thot abt it. this is my 2nd try. if, worst case, i still dun make it, i'll take it that, this path ain't my future...

You scored as Jean Grey. Jean Grey is likely the most powerful X-Man. She loves Cyclops very much but she has a soft spot for Wolverine. She's psychic so she can sense how others are feeling and tries to help them. She also has to control her amazing powers or the malevolent Phoenix entity could take control of her and wreak havok. Powers: Telekinetic, Telepathic

Jean Grey		80%
Rogue		80%
Beast		75%
Emma Frost		70%
Wolverine		65%
Iceman		65%
Nightcrawler		65%
Gambit		65%
Storm		60%
Cyclops		60%
Colossus		55%

Most Comprehensive X-Men Personality Quiz 2.0
created with QuizFarm.com

IDIOT!!!! 1 asgt due tmr, 10/10/05. i rushing to fninish it. den, as i abt to submit, i realise it was extended to 12/10!!!! damn it!!! argh!

my Oz pal's bday today!!!!

another pal's bday approaching too!!!

i'm trying not to blog, cos will be busy for next 2 wks.

but haha, u guessed it?, i cant resist from blogging this. during my sec sch days, i always think of keeping a puppy n kitten TOGETHER. i know cats r "frightened" of dogs, n dogs suually will chase cats. but i wanna see if there a chance. see if dogs can b nurtured to grow up wif cats.

den hor, saw from tv news, a lioness n her cub grown up as performing animals. all along, they been fed wif sliced raw meat. den, this time, in the zoo, a calf (young of cow right?) was put into the cage. at first the lion went up n patted the calf. later on, duno wat went on, the calf chased after them. when the calf forced them to corner/side, they jumped away. the tourist cheered.

well, i find out pretty funny, but cruel... try putting yourself in their shoes...

QUEER POWER IN ACTION!!!!

hehe, i kinda can luff my head off when i think abt it. cos it'smy first time to b so drama n ... obvious.

i boarded the bus as usual to work. 1 or 2 stops later, (i thot of this description in 2 secs, and think it's pretty cool) a fat arse wif a dick came to sit beside mi. i quite ok. but somehow, i feel tat his body is getting nearer n nearer to mi. wah liao, den suddenly, when he taking something out from his pants pockets, his arm really rubbed onto mi!!! really those intentional rub, not accidental type!!! gosh!!! cos he din oni touch my sleeve n adjusted himself, but after rubbing, he bochap n continue as though nothing bad happened.

i was unhappy. i stared at him. he no response. so i shifted myself to stick to the wall. but i moved my bag so i ensured there's certain distance between us, n if my bag kena shifted, he's moving his legs to my side. i felt tat, his body still seem to move nearer n nearer. n his leg had touched my bag. he moved his arms. i can see tat he's not keeping the distance we had.

i was oredi thinking wat' i will do if anythign i not happy happened. i thot of jus standign up n move away. but secs later, i cooled down n din do anything. moments later, he moved his arms again, n it's even crossing over to my seat area. i pissed. i stared at him again. i was reading my bk, n i simply closed it, without making a mark. i stood up wif the book in my hand, n carrying my bag, n moved to the standing area. this happened jus as the bus was stoppign at a stop. those who r looking at my direction can see what's going on. cos 1 guy was at the front door, he was looking oso. den as i read my book, i noticed the arse hole was looking back oso. but i think it'll jus embarass him, by doing so.

cos i did such drastic n drama thing, ppl will surely feel something is wrong. but he simply looked back at the commuters... haha.. stupid act. wah liao, i'm surprised i really did such a exagg thing. i think the rest sure think tat arse hole got something wrong.

i dun get it. cos all along, in my mind, i was thinking, he's such big arse. yet when he sit, he bochap his size, n squeeze into the seat?? when he sat down, was ok cos he did keep a frnly distance (ie, not those stick to u pattern), but hwo come late rhe move more n more?? i adjusted my seating liao. den he still sit in some more......... liaozzzzzzzzzz. yes he's big, n i petite. so wat?? dun mean i muz have 30% of the seat, while he have 70%. kauzz.

den at work, was pretty fun.. or kinda fun. cos, somehow, i managed to chat up wif some users of our program. am i really getting frnly? dunno.. jus find tat, some ppl i can tok n joke wif. but, if ppl were to ask y, i wil jus say, it's 2 b frnly to them, so they wun b so nasty in future? cos if they know we are helping them, they wun b so hard n harsh on us...

n somehwo, i realise wat's wrong wif the work. our side is the listen phone type. we got 4 seats, each separated by a table. boss at 1st seat, snr 2nd, jnr 3rd, mi 4th. den snr know the system well, n jnr has been hard trained on the system, so not bad oso. den hor, let's say, if snr n jnr got discover things, they'll jus discuss among themselves. realise wat's going on, n keep it to themselves. unwittingly? duno. if i not on ph, i may know wat they trying to say, n hear. but if i on ph, i DUN THINK they will update mi. cos it's oni 1 time problem?? wat's more, snr is sitting 1 seat away from mi. aything they discuss, unless she really say loud, i sometimes muz go up to discuss. wah liaozz... anyway, i dun have hopes i will stay on.

==================

watching arts central now. i think from the show, i learnt prtty much. abt myself. i'm an introvert. hhah, tried to b extrovert, but over time realised it takes LOTSA hardwork n effort, whcih i'm not entirely used to, so soemtimes went back to my introvert self again. meaning, i can mix wif groups (extrovert), but i can b a lone ranger too, spending days myself. yes, i cna do it. well, i tried being extrovert, cos i oso wanna frns mah.. but my socialising skills SUX big time. so i tried to b more outgoing, but i think i overdid things, n.. haha, backfired :)

den they oso show kids mixing around well at the age of 3. n they will either watch TV or computer to kill time. haha, think of my past, i oso spent my day watching TV. nvr go out wif frns. after sch jus goh ome, watch TV. tat y during tat time, my uncle commented i super tv fan. ask mi anything abt TV, i sure know. den they oso show tat, kids learn from tv. i think i am, too. but duno how it affected mi.

n they had put 3 kids (all age 3) together. 2 kids started to mix around. 1 kid jus stood at a corner, watching, as a bystander. hehe, i think i oso same. in the past, i'll jus.. stand at a corner i isolate myself. n yes, i need getting used to, if i in new env. but now, due to wokring, i know i have to mix around. so maybe, i'll take some timet o warm up lah. hehe, let's say, .... dun need "let's say" lah.. take it or leave it. right now, i resume my monash studies.

perhaps 'cos i nvr attend class for 1 mth, i lost.. quite some time in mixing around. so, when i resumed my attendance, some ppl r oreadi chatting up. mi, i waited for an initiator. nothign happened, i jus stay by myself. i dun wish to mix around so much. perhaps, 'cos ppl r oredi acquainted with 1 another. may have problem wif ice breaking, so might as well... dun. :)

i think i'm getting into the korean show. i'm thinkng of a phrase which the guy say.

"it's better to b frns, than lovers. cos lovers can break up n hurt a reln. frns will stay in touch forever".

now i thinking, why is this so? how come frns can stay in touch for yrs? when lovers meet, fall in love, and end up together, they shld b able to stay onf or yrs. r they reall so unforgiving ,tat leads to divorce? r frns more forgiving? or, as frns, they dun have so much restrictions, or when frns do something wrong, they r more willing to forgive n forget?

==================

somehow, this Xfiles story, remind mi of Mi-Li-Ye... mysterious nights.. esp the last story about those aliens (plant beings, as in human beings). den somehow like e ger has hopes tat human will become better, but guy dun think so. well, MLY, oso similar. zeng hui fen is the ger, she blif in human. n sacrifice herself to save human from destruction. (i was touched by her expression n the lines she said), when a guy decided to terminate humans...

err.. wonder if ch 8 will ever come up wif totally NEW story line anot...

HAPPY _belated BIRTHDAY TO MY PAL!!!! *gosh, i forgot the Oz gal's bday... haha...*

had a bad day today? somehow.. yes.. or i 2 sensitive loh... anyway, since i've been changing jobs so many times/yr, i been not having sense of job security laiozz... once i make the slightest mistake, i tend to worry abt how will i b judged. today, i suddenly kena my colleagues' dynamite. they all comes together bomb mi. somehow, wat i feel is tat, i sitting at a corner. sometimes i'm on the phone, den they discussing thigns. i duno wat the hell they are toking abt. den they decided on soemthing, or a new resolution was known. then i dino tat.

i think this is affecting mi. i know i mMUZ GET OUT OF HERE. n den, when i heard tat, a new guy is coming in, i thot... my gosh.. suddenly, job insecurity comes in again. den, the sup say i may go over to tech support instead... ok...

but now, i suddenly no mood to study. perhaps the work stress affecting mi alot? i feel tat, i've been studying a lot... the more i study, the more i feel i dunno anything. the study guide din help. kinda no mood to study anymore... dunno.. i plan to defer my exam 1 more wk. i'm really tired... but i know, if i can't make it this time, both monash n java, i gonna have a HARD time.

finished my web design 2nd asgt. but... from lesson 1 of asgt 1, i dunno if it's according to the specs anot.. sighzz.. den now, teh bk i borrow from NLb, seem like veli losoh in the bad way.. some things which not in my exam oso got cover.. dunno how to study... the best thing is, ok, cos i've taken the basic exam wif such study guide. tat SG really goes step by step, bit by bit, clearly tell u wat's going on. but tis 1, it's for exam 310-080, but i'm taking 310-081. it seems oni tat my exam is more updated. so i still use it to build my foundation. den now, i find tat it's got lotsa things tat i nvr saw in the exam tat i FLUNKED in b4. i start to wonder if i shld really read everything.

cos my plan was to read the bk, return to NLB, den study the SG on the web (tat say "purpose of this document is to help in preparation for exam CX-310-081 but we shldn't depend on it solely.") as it's online, available for reading any time. but now, i doubt my planning. the bk covers.. maybe much more. and it's not accurate. cos it';s published in 2003. got a 2nd edition, but NLB dun have it yet. den the SG for my exam, in mcgraw-hill show it come out liao. 60USD. in amazon show not arrived. NLB dun have yet.

i scared later i learnt too much useless things. cos this SG i having now is quite confusing, cos java got thigns wif similar names, den i have troubles remembering whcih belong to which "dept". now i wonder if i shld, read the web first, den read the bk. cos the web will lemme know wat's expected in the exam. have some idea of the topic. den i read the bk again, to build my foundation. tose whcih r extra, i skip. is it a better idea? sighzzz.. this yr is really.. a test for mi...

==================

Les, yes telling lies to certain ppl def'ly true. but when u r toking to a pal, close frn, it's always better to b frank right? if not, who are u being truthful to?

sighzz.. for my meals, i think i will try to curb it. my appetite getting bigger these days. something maybe wrong. malnutritioned causing it?

==================

writing of this line dun mean recalling anything of the past, but a mere thot of it. W often seeks hsi frns opinions on thigns, as he's confused n cant b sure of whcih path to take. so, gradually, i started to guide along, mentioning the reason behidn it. haha, it actually backfired. i was said to b demanding, over powering, controlling, n autocratic. oh well.........

n these days, i been hermit. i din read papers. jus stay home all day to do asgt n projs. keeping in touch wif my pals, n they making the time a memorable 1, i start to wonder of the past. i'm so introverted, closetted, unfriendly, antisocial, and quiet. wat made them speak to mi, and change the way i live my life? haha, foudn out from them, it's all fate...

den abt the citrep subsidy. by rite, when the date is over, i can't claim anymore. so i called up and was given a str8 no. gosh, my subsidy gone as well?? 100 $ gone case?? i was disappointed. den i tried a subtle manner, asking if anythign can b done. 3 days later, or 1 wk?, they re-opened it n wnana mi send the supporting docs to them ASAP. i did it promptly. now they r processing it. phew... hope this means a good turn of life for mi... it means if i try again, there will b a hope. i shldn't give up so easily. ahhaha... bullshit?

den hor, my PACNET 4 mths NEVER SEND MI MY BILL!!!! 4 long mths!!!! wat's happening??? den they keep deducting from my giro. din send any bills to mi?!?! wat the hell?! today i cancelled the giro. I WANT MY BILL.

damn, saw on tv charmed has been switched to 10pm. i had wanna watch it 3 days back, 830pm, den saw it's not showing. i thot, wah season end so abrupt nfast?? den now, realise it's changed to 10pm. is it really losing so much popularity?

jus as i doing the last min prep for my asgt, i re-watching male superstar. weilian still sing well. junyang sang wif a proper tone. weijian is like telling a story, but the layering?? (hehe) n tone variation (hehe) is not there for the emotions. like telling us a story, as 3rd party, n he's not involved in it.

there was a news article abt a superstar finalist, who puts on 1 face for reports/fans. n another face for contestants. i wonder if it's WJ. cos the host jus mentioend, "if the fans feel tat WJ is really so cute in person, pls vote for him..." she is good wif words, and able to put some1 down without feeling guilty. i admire her for it. guo liang oso has stage presence... haha..

doing my php asgt. kauzz.. i wonder whcih 1 shld i praise. windows' filename is case-insensitive. unix is sensitive. 1 php file i done on windows no prob. bring to unix, cant work. DAMN.

lately, i realise tat, a pop song can test a person's vocal range. haha, jus for fun. try at ur own fun level. u know, the "dao dai" by jolin tsai OR jay chou? the chorus part. "zhong yu kan kai... ku zhe qiu wo liu xia lai". i dunno this stretch til wat note, or which octave. but the fun part is, if u sing normal tone, it's easy. BUT, u see, the first note is ok. the ending note of the "lai" is higher. den if u rmb this note, n start again at "ZYKK" at tat note, it raises the key n u have to try the verse at this higher note. as u sing... 2 or 3 times more, u sure start to go falsetto. ahah.. the usual way (the formal way?) is "ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah". it sounds boring huh? so, try this!!!

== off for a "stress-break"... c ya..

umm... does it sound funny/odd/watver, if i keep on adding my thots on this same post?? er, anyway, back from the outing. haha, pretty fun. b4 i planned the outing, i actually wondered... or even regretted it, when i proposed it. cos i havent made sure my asgt is ok n wanna go out. but sicne the outing is confirmed liao, i might as well relax. ehhe, true enuff, i did enjoy my time. umm, i guess for 1 time, i din tell teh truth when prompted a qn over lunch. cos i... dun wan any promises made yet. but wif close frns, i prefer to b frank. it really made teh day a fun 1...

wahliao, i thot ch 8 show storyline is good. but.. the ending of 1 theme was BAD. wah kauzz.. even my sis, yes it's my sis again, she guessed that, oni someone close to the victim can make the victim drink poison. ok. den near the ending, the murderer was holding a guy hostage in a room. i was thinking, if she really wan, she can kill him in an instant. but, then it's a show.

true enuff, later police came intot he room (it's not locked!!!!) and wanna shoot the murderer. the murderer din care and still venting her angst on the guy. wat?? wat r they trying? door not locked, n wif the gun pointing at her, the murderer jus stood up, din put up any defense... gosh...

ch u 10pm show. now i know why the title is "10 k pounds of fate". wel, the guy has 2 gers fallingf or him. 1 is buddy, 1 is enemy turn gf. buddy did lotsa things for him. but he oso feel something for the gf. it's a load on shoulder...

wel,l in reln, if it takes 2 much effort to msanage, really a lot of effort, and the return is minimal, u have to judge if it's worth maintaining. u cna say it's worth it. but oni u can determine the future. whether it's worth the effort. u'll learn a lesson if it dun work. or u taste the sweetness of e fruit if thigns work well.

if u keep telling a person a truth tat u know, but he jus keep thinking u're maligning him, den jus let time tell the truth. there's nothing u can do. u cant expect the person to blif wat u say, n digest it immediately. he can keep it in his mind and digest it later. no hurry. if he doesn', no pt forcing the digestion.

at lunch, my colleagues tok about relations. these days, my colleagues tease tat a male colleague is my hubby. i'm ok, and defenseless. but i really dunno how am i gonna keep my asexual status for long. if 1 day, i reveal, sure big hu-ha, n i'll b lying abt myself... dunno how to gain their trust. ahhaha.. nvm.

abt relns, they're syaing, if u like someone, u shld accept his past. tat's for mi. my view. i mena, if he ONS b4 knowing u, tat's his life before meeting n committing to u. but he shld not do tat after committment. and then, if it's his person to b a social butterfly, u definitely know it B4 u commit urself. if u find tat he's 2 "flirtatious", u shld not b wif him in the first place, as u cant accept his socialising patterns at all. but if u can takw it, u shld b confident of urself tat no matter wat he does outside, he's still urs.

it's all a matter of trust. it's in every1, every reln. in frns, work, family. esp in reln. u have to trust him if u wanna b wif him. n there's no such thing as a perfect guy for u. u like guy A. u enjoy ur time wif him. but once in a while, he did something whcih u dun really like. it's jus ur own view tat make u dun like tat thing he did. will u tell him tat? or u keep it to urself?

if he's ur frn, how will u deal wif it?

i find tat, for a reln to work, both parties have to work it out, discuss things. give in to each other. this is told by a married colleague of mine.

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reply to commnt:

actually, if it's impt for ur future, will u feel it's somethign great to achieve? if being a hermit for years jus to achieve tat great thing, it's not worth it. but if i'm oni using a few mths, to achieve something which i've been yearning for, but did not feel teh pressure, urge or resolution to get it, wat's a lil sacrifice?

i can't say i'm very happy wif my life. in fact, i'm not. i yearn to go out, make frns, widen my social circle, enjoy life, EAT TILL I'M FULL, watch movie, have a tour. but i can't. if still need to strive for my future. oni if my future has a guarantee can i b satified n slwo down. i can oni say, this is a hurdle i MUZ overcome. including my java n monash...............

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gosh, now is friday liao. din realise i din post ytday's post.

at a certain stage of life, in order to save urself from paiseh'ness, ppl wil ltend to lie. hide their real intention of doing things, n tell u some make-believe reason, so tat u'll think otherwise.. well, i think this is the process of life. some ppl live with lies all their life, some dun hide anything at all, some hold back certain secrets...

n being in thsi helpdesk office, for this long, devoted, n having laughter n fun, n leading normal living life, i begin to learn how to build rapport wif colleagues. oh, ya jus rmb the thign tat i had wanna blog for today. after lunch, colleagues went to Times. cos we killing tiem, i folowed. i was browsing some books. palmistry. den saw some buddhism books. i suddenly thot of a frn, who i can bring to... take a look?, n oso some karma bks written by psychic. teach u how to see wat u missing n plan for ur future.

well, my thot is: i can oni browse. i cant affford them. or perhaps the time to read them. i later walked to the window of the shop. i was thinking, i'm really controlling very hard for my expenditure. am i happy wif this way of living? i make myself eat the cheapest meal everyday, eat 2 pcs of fruits tat cost 60c. i dun wna eat too much cos i wanna save more money... err.. nvm. i'm not really satisfied wif this way fo living, but i can oni say, i'm doing it for my future. den i lefe the shop, since i cant afford it, i dun wan to tempt myself.

tuesday.
sighzzz... TV shows always have such beautiful n touching love story... watching Ch U 10pm show now... the guy n the ger finally acknowledged each other.. as long lost lovers... pretty touching...

n jus now, got a show on job seeking. pretty impressed by hwo the tr dealt wif the "bring CD" issue.. :)

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wednesday.
i am pretty impressed tat ch 8 came up wif a supernatural... or rather scientific storyline. not bad. the ideas r quite fresh. siilar to XFILES. but i somehow not inclined to keep watching it.

den ch u, 10pm show, realyl interesting.. how scheming ppl can b, to reach their goals... hahah. some ppl r despicable, but i dun screw them up, i jus watch n learn from it.

jus took my bath. oh well, i realise i got a hurdle in bathroom. u know, these day the water is cold, n i got no water heater. i dun like cold. so, i will like, spray the water on my feet, test if too cold. if can, i'll start bathing... but whil;e i testing, i will wonder hwo long the cold water will splash onto mi.. ahha, but after i wash off the foam, i will feel tat it's jus another few mins cos i'll b washing my hair... hair dun scared cold hahah... weirdo?

i'm either influenced by working life, or by a frn. i seem to pinpoint wat goes wrong. some ppl can accept it (on the surface?), some ppl dislike it. n cos i'm living by myself, i have to make the decisions at times. being pressed for time (does any1, or can any1, imagine wat i'm going thru? no jus say say "know ur plight, been thru it", but really put urself in my shoes. who can really do it?), i will need to make sure i plan my time properly, no time is wasted.

some ppl mistake it as "so kan cheong", some think i'm irritating. well these ppl, i guess they usually dun have any rush of time to care abt. for mi, even when i'm out, i still worry abt my future. y? cos.... it's my god damn great future. every1 is working hard for it. so am i. i made a promise to myself, not to use my family money for my studies. i really hope i can stick to it. if i fail to keep it, i... will b dead meat.

but over time, i realise tat, i dun have to b so rigid, dun have to b so exact abt wat caused the problem... to my frns. we wan to enjoy our time, not to make 1 person.. or scold tat person til he realise.. or till he's repentant.

i'm still alright, for those who r suspecting. but will focus on my studies, if things go smoothly, i shld b able to recover my social life n get on properly wif it. perhaps by then, i'll be able to mix in wif the general public. if not, i'll probably lead the life of a monk. not including food.

am i a heart breaker? have i become too independent after living by myself?

haha... nothign to blog lah. jus some office politics to say. but ch U show, wah, really veli funnie!! the korean show story is touching n cliche, but the things tat guy did was good n hilarious. den, now, the hk show, wah.. oso another funnie drama to watch.. watch how they fight it out...

umm... i seldom blif in pulling strings... but at this point of time, i'm not sure if i dun obey the rules, will things still proceed smoothly anot... yes it's very vague, cos i dun wan say 2 much...

oh my....... Fear Factor is showing ppl, daring enuff to have their arms poked wif needles.... is this a pain factor, or fear factor?? fear shld not cause pain, but a test of their courage. imagine. 1 needle goes thru the surface of the skin of ur arm, not going into the flesh, but merely wriggles along the skin n pokes thru another area of the surface of the skin. then skin is den pressed lightly down to ensure it's firmly into the skin. gosh it MUZ hurt. not just 1 needle, but as many as the person can withstand.......... yux! but, come to think of it, sometimes it's amazing to see how far some ppl can go, jus to win the prize cash... wow. as a guy (my mindset changes with the env n situation i'm in hahaha..), i'm quite imrpessed tat the gers managed it. i may b scared stiff myself.

============

ahha, ch U 10pm show, really showing lotsa funny tactics. 1 ger is innocent. 2 side r fighting to win her heart (duno for wat. i forgot). dunno ... err, usually, r ppl so naive n tend to blif ppl easily? for mi, i tend to trust ppl n blif wat they say. but once i find some untruth in it, the trust is gone. n i'll start to think n doubt every word they say. sigh, due to this, i broke contact wif 1 good aj frn. although ppl say, he's out to make use of mi, but i feel nice wif him. ok, cos in teh show, 2 sides r trying to win her. 1 is a con family. 1 is trying to make up for wat they did in the past, n tryignt o show her the con family is cheating her. haha, lotsa tactics n planning. so fun!

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watching news.. is it really so good tat there are so many express "trains" in education? students can directly go from sec to jc, no need "O" lvl. now, students can go poly without exam. wat's the purpose of havint those exams in teh first place? if we, on the rationale tat they can make better use of the extra time, do away wif the exam, wat good will it do them? got more time to learn more things? n benefit the sch? den why bother setting exams?

==============

watching news... gosh... right now, blogging is becoming the in-thing now. even got courtcases, infringement of privacy. where on earth can we be free to voice our thots?? but, some ppl, jus tend to blurt thigns out without thinking if it makes sense or anot. this is the black sheep

ytday veli chamzz. got extra lesson for monash. attended it. lecturer say we r tired, so he try to make it livelier... well, dun need lah, cos if we tired, he's oso tired mah.. since we brought ourselves there ,we r prepared to learn n understand :) den class end 10pm. wahliao.. OMG, i forgot to record the korean show. shit, missed it. 10pm class end, 11pm reach home, took dinner (not much left), 1130pm i left for my room. got home, so damn tired ,dun wan do anything. i jus slept. yes din even bath at all. cos the weather so cOLD!!!! i felt winter even whle i'm walking home siazz!!

gosh my asgt deadline nearing... but i haveb't started yet.. n now, i confused liao. my java 310-081 exam dun have any exam guide. e oni 1 published jus 1 day b4 my apptmt. luckily, i found a website whcih got say a lot of theory on wcd. but its disclaimer states, dun jus depend on it for exam prep. sianzz.. am i so destined?!? now reading a 310-080 guide bk for some root information.. damn... i originally wanna, read monash notes on net, on bus i read java bk, at home, do monash asgt. but now, got the java website to read oso... SIANZ!

few days back, mum commented ,in past, taxi r so hard to get. n any1 who wanna drive can jus apply for license n get a taxi to drive. now so many companies are loaning taxis to ppl, but passengers r so hard to get. wa'ts more, driver oso need to pass a certain test. the govt jus let the ppl loan taxis n dun care whether they earn money anot...

somehwo, i feel tat, this is the way the world turns. the rich can jump into any biz that's viable. thsoe who wanna join, join at own risk. if fail to stay on, they have to quit. but the company stil earn. fittest survive. but my mum, perhaps getting senile, or she dun see the whole picture, so she keep lamenting on why n tat happening.

===============

hey les, computer is computer... wati mena is, i tend to go by facts... n b rigid... now learn to relax n dun b so hard on facts.

damn... ytday, i handed in my asgt, den stayed up to abt 1+ 2am to edit n post some pix. i wasn't really tat tired to slp, but i shld slp liao lah. i forgot if i heard my hp beep. the next thing i know, i woke up at 7.19am ahhah, i was blur. how come wak eup so late... really cos i MUZ have certan hrs of sleep? so i rushed, n was abt to leave my house when i check my hp. got 1 sms. sent at 2.33am. asking mi to give wakeup call. whahaha... din state time, jus ask for wakeup call? so i jus called, but he woke up liao.. hahah..

thot i'll b late for work, but hehe, i was nearly late lah. den work day, cos 2 ppl on leave, i was SOOO busy. picking up as many calls as i can. n now, thinking of how i shld plan my time. my asgt 4 hand in liao. den another mod's asgt due in 5/oct. my java exam on 1oct. was wondering which is my priority. i brought my monash txtbk to read on way to work. but... sianzz... maybe i too tired, or simply no mood to read, upon reading 2-3 lines of text, i simply wnana doze off. i think i better change my priority. i'll focus on my java since it's my exam 2 wks later.

having been VERY serious abt life, having fallen down, n picking myself up, i kinda learnt more about living. i no longer am so biz-way/fact-based when chit chatting wif my frns. but when it comes to reasoning n having a stand, it's still fact-based. it makes life easier, n more fun. esp when it comes to bickering and non-sensical thots haha..

korean show, teh ger has regained her memory. cool. she is now tuff n can stand up for herself. i like it. not being a wimp n b pushed around. haha, now the start of the fun story. so, she still not strong enuff to fight the mum/daughter team who know how to act.

wah, he went for surgery to make his face liken pei yong jun... for wat...

cool stunt...

now at 1244am, i finally finihsed my asgt 4 and handed in. sighzz.. i realyl doubt my chance at passing. afterall, i oredi failed 1 exam liao. now not surprising if i fail again. got my results for 2nd asgt of the tuff module. i failed MISERABLY. ok, i accept, cos i really.. haha, totally duno wat i writing n understand oso.

gosh.. i having classes today again, den my laundry, dunno how come, got bits n pieces of tissue-like substance stick to my laundry. damn. rinse again, no use. take home to wash. haha, the web class i taking today, is teaching abt web DB. to rush for an appt, i kinda really decided that i can give the contents a miss, cos wif my DB knowledge, i can catch easily. jus know the syntax will do. watever is taught, i can understand by the syntax. dun need much explanation. now, m asgt hand in liao, i can focus on the web proj.

n i seem to know, y i keep having those dreams...

jus came back from my classes... sigh... got 1 asgt due in 2 days... or rather... 19 sept 05 2359hr AEST. it looked easy, but writing down in words is tuff, esp when u dun have much idea wat u doing is right or wrong. there is no definite right or wrong ans. it's more to how we define our way of answering. the tutor say the usual asgt dun ask this kinda open end question, but such question will give rise to more probes into wat exactly is being asked.

somehow, i think the lecturer is trying to get us to think. the usual asgt maybe more to a std way of answering n not much udnerstand is neeeded. but this time, the lecturer first tiem take over. she wanna ask to think n explore the various ways of a topic. somehow i feel it's her intention. but due to this, i really not sure if my way of answering will live up to her std anot... sigh... 5 asgt in all for this module. 5 asgt in 2 mths. stunned huh? 1st asgt, i ok, easy 1, oni 2 marks to 100%. 2nd asgt, sighzz, total flop. cos i really dunno the topic, so... i do oni the questions worth half of asgt's total mark. 3rd asgt, i do those tat i can manage. i think oni did 3/4.

now is 4th. sigh. 5th?? dunno.

on way home, i was staring into blank n singing to myself (silently). but i did 1 good job. a ger sittign beside mi was covering up herself wif jacket, but still cold. i can take the aircon, so i adjusted the a/c to mi oni. she thx mi in person ahah. den for dinner, i saw there'a new guy at the stall. he is wif a ger. gf? dunno. he has the hair color of beng.. umm slightly. den he asked wat i wanna have. but later, the main owner took over. however, he still the 1 who took the $ from mi. haha, jus as he is ready to give mi the change, i took the chance to jus take the change from him. in case he pass it to the ger hha.

when i finished eating, he came over to clean the table. he courteously asked if he can take it back, wif a smile. i smiled back, n "yes". somehwo, i soemtimes cannot diff betwn cute n yandao. he in the middle, ie. he's kinda cute, but not those cutie pie. not exacly yandao oso. thus, in the mid. some ppl may jus conclude he's cute. mi, now he's still in mid. maybe if i see more of him, will find him cute? haha, right now, he;s the motivation for mi to head there haha... jus seeing him gd enuff...

hope no 1 get offended haha...

watching ch 8 "nurse show". the couples in the show started off bickering wif each other. now, they r a pair, n find it quite odd to be romantic, n lovey-dovey. haha, dinno tat... i'm sure this apply to real life oso... dinno tat such loggerhead romance can exist oso...

i jus took my supper. damn. as tho i really understand myself so much. i kena flu, den i thot most prob'ly i'll need to take my supper soon. denr eally, at 12am, i know i muz buy liao, cos i felt weak n wobbly in an instant.

i am slightly sick.

these days, really dunno how come. i cant stay up till past 12am. have i become cinderella? last night, about 12am liao, den i once again, felt tired, n rested on bed, next thign i know, i am sleeping wif my specs on.

funny. dun luff ok.

i had a shock. at my age, at this time, i can still suffer from wet dreams??? i really wasn't doing much at night. but i had a dream of some guys.

i was held up in the air n my arms tied to some things behind mi. really up int he air.. like mid sky. n swinging around. the wind is blowing, my shirt is opened up apart, wif the wind. haha, of cos i felt good abt it. den the wind got stronger n even blew to the back of my waist. it was not those joy ride, but machiam kena kidnap or being played afool.

den later, abt 5 guys. in a room. 3, named A, B, C, confirmed to b flirting with their eyes. den suddenly, B's (B is in those office attire) shirt is pressing onto his chest, making his nipple translucent. den A and C r stroking his nipps. each standing on 1 side. 1 moving his fing (index) above the nipp, 1 moving below the nipp. B of cos VELI songzz, n was enjoyign in his mind.

haha, i was actually watching this 1 on TV (hey, i telling it as i progress into the dream), or rather video. but i realise tat TV is showing another nice show. abt a guy being teased by his frns. so i paused the video. switched over, the story is somehow similar to wat i heard of b4.. the guy was lying on the floor, limbs spread apart, shirt opened up to bare his chest (lean guy), frns (not shown, oni hands) were teasing n caressing his body. teasing him like... "i know u want this lah.."

b4 i know it, i was about to cum. i quickly struggled to squeeze it to control. haha, soemhow it dun work, i know i was squeezing, but seem like some pillow or soemthing is still prssing hard on it. den i woke up. ahah, my bolster. tat was 6am. i quickly cleaned up. den i was thinking, hwo shld i cope wif my asgts n studies? i thot of the pros n cons of my decisions, n decided tat, since i have slight sore throat, i'll take mc.

oni this tiem, i tried diff clinic. hehe, was disappinted. maybe 2 used to good treatmt? at the new clinic, i need to fill up 3 forms. first visit form, registration form, n mc form. kauzzz... den the doc is a female loh. how come i nvr met any good looking docs who i can drool over? den this doc oso veli funny. i told her i got sore throat. she asked, so the fever sudsided? hheheh, i din even say, n she din ask if i got fever. jus check if subsided. huh? :P well her place is quite bad bizz, i cna say. come n go oni 2-3 ppl.

i wanna take the time (i on mc mah) to study. so i guess i better eat my bfast, go home prep den go library. it's a wrong decision... sighzz.. i was thnking if i can b full after eating the bfast siazz. so i went to order noodles. i said wat i dun wan inthe meal. she got irritated. cos 2 many things to rmb. she den passed my order to the cook in hokk. i went to sit.

5 minutes passed. meal not done. 6-7 min den come. come liao, she told mi got put soem odd vege. i dun mind. she went back to get my change. den i saw tat, the meal got put tomato sauce. she came back, i told her tat. "har? u dun wan ketchup oso ah?". she took the noodles back, n left the soup wif mi. den the cleaning uncle came. wanna take the soup, but i declined, cos dun c the need to.

i waited, waited, n waited. still not my turn to get the noodles?? i saw other ppl takign their meals to their tables n realised it's self service. ok. waited again n the noodles is here. she saw the soup is still there. n took back her fresh bowl. where's my utensils??? n the best thing is, she went back to get the utensils (i din remind her at all), n chatted wif a customer for 30 secs. i was sitting there, looking at her. a while later, i rested my head on my arm n still looking at her. she den came over to pass the utenstils.

i den asked her, soup? she said, i still got. i told her, it's cold liao. she pissed. n asked mi to get myself. damn service. as i stood up, i saw a husband walking towards mi haha. he looks good. i went to the stall. she was taking some ingredients from the fridge. i waited there. almost wanan shout for my soup. she den saw mi, ask teh cook to pass some soup, TO THE GEENA. i was thinking, haha, i sure look like kid, but too bad, my thinking is not. to mi, a kid thinking is, u give him watever, he jus take without thinking if it's proper anot. an adult, or some1 who thinks, will think if it's alright n no-prob for him to do it.

she den actually gave mi the bowl of soup to take back to my seat. huh?? the soup is hot, n i take it wif bare hands?? she was holding the soup, n i jus took a tray from her stall, n she jus dropped it onto the tray. i held it well. n made my way back. haha, another auntie was behind mi, she seem to wonder wat happened. in my heart, i was realyl feeling, this MUZ b a family biz, so they bochap service attitude. n i'll never go back there to eat. its the first experience that count. if attitude is bad, den nothing can help.

btw, for long time, i never go such neighbourhood place in wkday morning liao. wah, today i go this place eat, see so many AUNTIES buying fruits n vege. haha, aunties' time in the morning siazz. n the kopi shop at my place, now i know why it still surviving. cos it's for the morning biz...

oh ya, the bfast was taken at Keat Hong shop ctr, 2nd flr. when u go up the esc, it's on the right. bah chor mee stall.

===============

hehe, tok abt chilling out, altho charmed is no longer tat attractive, i cant blif i really skipped it totally... haha...

now, watching Ch U's 10pm show. the guy, ZJH and the ger TLJ, the ger has been hiding her love for him for yrs. the guy had been treating the ger as a mere tomboy buddy. den, he wanted to encourage the ger to go for LTR wif her crush (he dinno it's him). the ger ask him out for dinner. over dinner, she hinted that she wnana try a romantic kiss. then guy den offered. he said he's been treating her as a buddy. but it's just on the surface. he's been in love wif her all the time. but feared rejection from her. he is really in love wif her. will she still treat him like a buddy?

the ger heard these, n was very happy inside her. she cried out loud, expressing her love to him. den as they are abt to kiss, the guy simply jumped away, telling her excitedly, tat she finally made it, but she shld say those lines in a softer tone. den her crush will surely fall for her.

gosh.......... i can imagine how sad she is... as he is expressing his "love" for her, she took it for real. she dinno he's jus puttign on an act. not sure, but i think he shld have at least, told her he will pretend it. at least she will know it's not for real. but dunno lei, maybe he realyl dinno she's in love wif him, so din put tis line in.

shall see how the story develops..

last night din have time to write much, cos GOSH, i got home past 12!! n had to take mrt instead siazz.. on way back, i felt tat i've not taken mrt for so LOOOONNNG time liaozz.. feel a BIT alien.. jus a bit.

watching Ch... umm, Arts Central " Child Of Our Time 2002: Thanks For The Memories". the... doctor? ask the parents to list out 5 things tat bring them both hapyp n sad memories.. they managed to do it. but oni 1 item. at this pt, for the happy part, i oni managed to think of my Oz pals. think of how i knew them. for the sad part, i actually cant think of any. den a guy in the show mentioned "carrying his late dog in his arms". den i rmb i was sad too.

how come i dun rmb my sad events? cos i'm not thinking tat much? or cos i dun wan rmb it tat easily, to make myself live better? n jus now watching Ch 5's villa wellness. showing the trailer for next wk. the gers r fighting to reduce their wt, n stay healthy. den the producers showed videos of their families encouraging them to push on. yes, the scene is touching. i felt the warmth. has the recent happening opened the blockage to my emotions? well, my heart remains locked. still.

i'm saying these, cos in the past, seeing such scenees, i will oni feel, "oh well, some cncouragement". i'll not feel the warmth from them.

somehow, last night while i was drinking, i kinda felt once again i was relieved, or released. i jus wan to dance tot he lounge music. shake my body off... stress? perhaps...

================

ya loh, willliam, i almost wanna ask who is the anony guy this time.. * oh well, the docu show pretty nice.. showing how humans' memories could b wrong at times... cos wif an imaginative mind, 1 can concoct an incident into the mind and convince oneself over time (1 wk? 2 wks?) tat the incident did happen. tok later..* haha, ya abt anony guy. den i saw it's u hahha...

wel,l it's fun to have a drink at times. i can control ymself not to be drunk .dunw orry. at times, drinking a bit is good for health :) but if u have been sober, u wun b claiming to be cute... haha..

==============

ok.. about the show. to cut it short, parents were brought to a room, n shown a series of pictures. 1 of them was during their childhood days, they were taken for a ride in hot air balloon wif daddy. they really dun rmb it happening. but it looked VERY real. but the pic is doctored. they were told to think abt it for 5 minutes every night and come back 2 weeks later.

time's up. only 1/3 really cant remember wat exactly happened... ok about 6 adults took the test. 2 cant rmb wat happened. 1 of these 2 even doubted if it happened. others all concocted stories of how the scene was, wif their parents standing here/there, preparing this tat, n how it felt. in e end, they were told it's a doctored pic.

ok... now, here comes doctor KTV. i was asked if i appear/behave like 25yo guy. well, it depends on ur definition of 25yo. supposed to be matured, n serious as it's 25 yo and working for yrs liao. OR hip n trendy cool n sporty? it depends on how u grow up, ur environment. wun say any1. jus say mi. i dun look 25, yes i know. my actions n behavioour may not b 25. but who determines tat? my success in career? life? frnship? well. i can oni say, from a tender age, till mine, if u did not improve or change or learn anything at all, tat is a waste of your time. but if u leartn and changed over time, u at least have grown up n maturwed to a certain extent.

the more u go thru in ur life, N LEARN FROM IT, the more matured u'll b in thinking. at times, even a person 3 yrs ur jnr may know more than u, if tat jnr has been thru more than u.

at my work today, kauzz,i was framed siazz... den, the fat sup, unexpected ask mi to the boss myself. KAUZ! when soemthign happen, he jus stand at the side??

wah long time enver drink liao. went to chill out. in end, i felt tipsy.. cos i drank vodka 7up at 1 go, n face damn red... hahaha..

got home. had wanna jus blog. but i received my web design asgt 1 results. GOSH!!! i failed!!!! wat e hell happened!?! fail by 5 marks???? wat e hell????? everythign was done accordding tot he marking criteria, den now, the resutls came back, n feedback was, we din follow the study guide guidelines in the design???? wat logic?!?! i checking wif him now. kauz

now ch u is showing korean show 10pm. last night, tat hunk got bathign scene. haah, the negatives jus died :) i really enjoy the storylines :)

this mornign, i was late for work. veli funny. i slept at 12am. den thru the night, i think i same, woke at certain intervals. but later, i woke up at 7+?? how come? worse thing, when i woke, my eyes were painful i cant open it smoothly. siaozz. but i still got to work lah. but hor, wah liao, i boarded bus, sat down on 2 seater. 1 bulky old man... or mid age man sat beside mi. thot nothing. but once he sit down, his foot step onto the tip of my shoe! n pushed his thigh to touch mi. i din budge.

he straightened his leg, den came over. kauz, i pissed. i cross my leg. so my shoe tocuhed his jeans. he moved legs away, patted it to clean it. i still din budge. so, he looked back, n moved off hahah...

work was as usual loh..

ok.. serious stuff...

i think wiliam guy is right. this morning, i was queueing for my bus. i suddenly thot of my situation. yes, i'm still unable to let go of my moods. i am still trapped. i dun dare commit to anything now. thus the conflict. so i think i'll treat him as, wat i told him, CUTE who i can click wif.i jus hope no body bother us again, wif unintentional ill intents. sound confusing? hahah.. i jus wan to lead a simple n peaceful life.

anyway, shld i b happy tat, i've finally deleted a contact from my msn? n strange.. quite qiao... the spider that has been living in my room for mths... recently moved out. n the ice cream vendor who i often buy ice cream from, is injured, n will sell again oni in 1st oct...

gosh... blogspot is not smooth operating.

dinr eally expect CUTE to read the blog so fast. anyway, the definition of cute is, it depends on who u are looking at, n the person is being looked at. it's a feeling. someone can say a person's cute, but that person may appear avg, normal or even, eeee. but wel,l beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.

if u dun think u'r cute, above is my explanation. but if u shy to admit it, ahha,. it's another case!!!

but hor, wat i despise is... or r those ppl who claim n crown themselves as cute. where got ppl so thick skinned say he's cute 1?? if ppl dun comment, fair enuff liao.. wah stil muz say "i not cute meh???".. in end, oni paiseh n sia suay oneself =D

but for my exams, i din pass, cos i wasn't tat well prepared for it yet. for the basic, i had the study guide to prep mi. fo the advanced 1, i oni depends on the lecture notes. but these have no connection to the monash classes i skip.

haha, william pal, thx for thinking it thru for mi... unless some ppl who jus care abt claiming to b Mr Cutie. CLAIMING TO B. wel,l i do try not to "relive" the past, but when it leave some impressio in mi, i do get reminded at tinmes. thus at times, i'm at a loss.

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today i went to buy the exam voucher again. 266.75$ again. haha, i veli extravagant hor?? i oredi reserve e guide liao, n intend to borrow it by this wk, den study for it. i jus check my monash exam schedle. 24/10 n 28/10 is my exam day. 19th is my (tuff) asgt due date. so i think my java exam can b se tot 1st of oct.saturday. dunno temp plan still. but tis java exam, i'm determined to pass.

but to buy the voucher, i had not much time for lunch. end up, i buy oni 3 sotong balls for my lunch. cool huh? den pull thru the day. den wah liao, jus as i abt to go home, it RAIN!! pouring so heavy siazz!!! dunno whether tot ake train or bus home. cos train sure veli fast. bus may jam, n slow. but i still decided to take bus. haha boarded the bus. strange, cos i know inside of bus got space to stand, i moved in. den after 2 stops, the guy i facing is alighting, so i got a seat LOL. yes it's crowded.

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some conflicts is running thru mi again. i dunno wat made mi conflcit myself. u know, a frn of mine.. my ex-master, he got tix to a free entry in gym for trial test. he invite mi along since it's free. wkday after work. he told mi on fri or sat. i say need time to plan n think, cos my timing still veli messy. den today, he ask again, i say not free, cos wanna prep java. he of cos bobianzz

den, CUTE ask mi if got job to intro. i check wif my frn. frn say maybe can try luck at some pubs/bars. n can probably meet up n see if CUTE can be taken in. i am the mid guy. we decided to meet 2 days later. i originally thot can get them to mit, i dun need join in. but then, they duno each other. i still need to b ice breaker. at tis ppoint, i din make any adjustment to my plan. i felt tat i shld meet n intro them, so CUTE may get job. so i jus agreed to mit.

wat abt my ex-master? is this double treatment? y is this happening? wat am i doing?

anyway, after dining @ home, i actually was singing "2 hearts, 4 rows of tears" to myself. all the way home. i din sing in sad tone, more of jus humming it softly. meaning to say, i din feel scared to sing. yes it's soft, but at least i manage to still hum it out even when i walking past ppl. usually, my voice will go silently auto'ly.