wah liao.. now blogging is not a cool way of writing ur thots anymore.. becoming a std n common channel now.. everything is now blog. even news is gotten from blogs. politicians oso blog.

so wat sthe diff btwn blogs news page now?? if u blog jus to b part of a trend, r u realy blogging, or u r jus jumping into the bandwagon?

in the past, got bulletins, den got forums. den nw, i think blogging is another forum liao.. since when u blog, ppl can comment, and another discussion starts...

trend? or untrend?

umm.. yes, i'm still troubling over my work performance...

i jus thot of something...

my sup commented to my boss tat i'm not alert enuff.. i think sup is not referring to how fast i manage to grasp his words, ... perhaps part of it lah.. but he's more on focussing on how dependent i was on them verifying my results..

cos i jus rmb'ed, when i first got in, they needed mi to update some files.. den tis file.. i kept telling them it's ok liao.. but i din check properly... then whenver they checked, they found something wrong...

buck up!!

gosh.. i think i'm really under intense stress.. for both studies n work..

but i really hope tat, by mid nov, i can really break out of this stressy thing..

studies: as i was oso rushing for my work, i din have muhc time, or even very stressed out to think properly on how to answer the qns. i really cant think from an appropriate POV for my biz module.
then for the programming module, i could have been stressed out, due to having to understand the flow n structure of perl programming. but this perl programming is totally driving mi NUTZZ! i even contemplated running away from it, cos perl is really driving mi crazy. but.. i dun wan disappoint my family...
and due to perl, when i return home n try to do my assignment on programming, i oso dun wan face it n think of a proper algorithm.
sianzz... hopefully i can pass both modules..

den for work: as mentioned, perl is killing mi. but after my assignment is done, my boss came over to say, my sup commented i was not alert/productive enuff at work. n wanna mi catch up. n over the next 2 wks, i did do my work faster.

but at times, i really frustrated.. cos, when i ask qns, my upperstudy sometimes will claim tat the info is oredi inside the docs. but the thing is, it's from her understanding of the docs, not explicitly stated in it.

den these days, i am supposed to amend a program to make it work. have a deadline to catch. den tis program, at times it's having problem in TRIAL env. n i have been trying to make it work. n i've been trying all sorts of way to find out why too. add debug statements, the problem dun occur. remove it, the problem happen.

the catch here is, we intend to move things outta old server by end of oct. but this same probm is bugging mi for some time. n oni ytday, i managed to find out exactly wat went on. i was hoping to resolve the prob by ytday, but my boss went home early. i den took some time before i decided to check with my other colelagues. i originally wanna just leave it till monday when my boss came in... cos my thinking "the boss went home, wat else cna i do?" but.. after checking wif colleague, i.. learnt tat it shld nt b the way..

was i 2 tired? duno.. my boss recently trusted mi a lot, n set an expectation for mi to know the system well in 1 mth's time. sometimes, i felt i'm not living up to her expectations. i am happy she can see soem ... stuff.. in mi, but i'm not sure if i can meet it. although i'll try my best.. my stress comes from... "i dun wan 2 b branded as not alert anymore".

ppl say, my boss's behind mi, protecting mi.. i knw tat, but i dun wan to mis-use her protection.. i have to make sure i'm doubly alert...

but somehow, i duno wat happening. in my prev job, i was really... very keen to make things happen.. but tis time, i seem more on the passive side... i duno.. is it cos i'm afraid tat, if i ask, i will b treated as "not reading docs properly"? but... jus felt tat, i really need to knw more thigns than i do now..

n my appetite has been affected.. mood as well...

sianz, i have to adjust my mindset... i muz keep in mind, i wanna make things work..

i'm too free? maybe..

ch 8 jus now,.. the show.. 9pm 1.. the mistress of the family got a new ger into the hse. this new ger is the kid of her hubby other wife. then the mistress living in those bungalow type. den, as usual (i dunno, is it really so common even in these days?) ,the mistress lectured the new ger not to bring any low-level frns into their hse, in case of burglary. n to bfrn oni ppl of certain status...

does such ... mind set still exist?

anyway, i was thinking.. next time, if they wanna enter the new ger's rm, they have to change to another pair of slippers. in case they dirty the flooring's of the room.. lol..

ahha... yeah man... 2 free at home, den can blog anytime i wan.. wanna tok abt anonymity on the internet.. but well, this will involve many many lines.. betta not...

i got jus my pay check for oct... COOL!! nvr seen such a big FIG in my bank acct b4!!!! YEAHOOOO!!!

err.. how come.. these days, those younger gers n guys i knw (yes, i now i oso get to knw gers.. maybe due to growing up n outta gay-oni mindset?) r all born 1984..

watching ch8 9pm show, adam is doing a role tat scolds ppl easily, n dun appreciate it when ppl treat him nicely. lol... his acts r CUTE siazz!! n his actions n doings sometimes remind me of my past... when i lacked self-confi...

wah... on wkends 7pm ch8, starting from today, i cant focus jus on Da Chang Jin alone on Ch u liao.. cos ch8 got a police drama serial which has a REALLY REALLY DAMN GORGEOUS CUTE GUY!! wah...

imagine, jus in a 2-hr period, i snapped numerous shots of him!! wah... he really caught my attention siazz!! look out for his pix!!!

den this afternoon, got a taiwan rubbish drama.. wahha.. i watch it jus for the scenes to snap shots. den, tis guy.. he always properly clothed in every scene. other no-fig ppl got topless scenes nw n then. but not him.

den today, wah, so lucky!! got scenes of him, having his torso bandaged up (i hope it's bondage... but.. well, 2 bad). n i kept snapping the shots!!! as he removing the bandages, i kept snapping it.. so... lol... not a gd figure, but well, his image made up for it all!

hehe, i'm bitching here... was watching ch8 9pm show... haha.. witnessed how fiona xie expressed her various emotions... umm, u name it, she gotta express it.. haha... her expressions are always so limited!!! using her std, ahem, trademark, expressions for every emotion she has to send out... lol... always such a kiddy n useless stunt..

eheh... but nt to worry, for every ep of this show, i got record down!!!

umm abt work, i can say that i'm performing better these days.. at least its how i felt. i managed to grasp things faster, dne do thing within timeframe as well. and when we need to check things out, i was able to fish out the required details.. esp, when additional details is needed, i got them within minutes hahah..

den oso, my sup explained some flow to mi, n i got it at 1 go. n later when he thot i misunderstood him, i stood on my feet to say y things r alright. de he realised he mistook my words hahah...

umm.. ok, my boss is a married woman. above 45yo. she take special care of mi.. maybe due to personal reasons, or she saw the potential in mi.. she often takes good care of mi, and dun allow mi to stray off track.

den... for my upperstudy... she got a new PC oni in july... the mth when i jus joined the company. den.. my new PC is due to arrive in 1 wk's time...

she got the jacket from the company in july oso.. i duno... jacket is a sign of confirmation, she joined the company in mar... duno.. i noticed tat, when i first wore my jacket, she was standing there, staring at mi in disbelief..

oh well carry on wif my reading up..

lol.. watching ch 8 dramas to relax b4 i restart my journey to perform my best at work..

wah.. adam chen wear the blue singlet is DARM DARN DARN HOT!!!! SIZZLING!!! but sometimes, his expression is pretty similar to those he used when acting in host-drama of a variety show.. where he acted sissily... lol...

den, the way pierre png avoid fiona xie is like a gay man... rejectingt he advances of a ger subtlely..

well, as i said, my boss jus hinted mi ytday. den jus nw, had a presentation to show my findings to my sup.

i wonder if it's cos i dun have exp in dealing wif servers, or i'm really not tat knwoeldgeable.. he told mi the exact steps tat i need to take to advance..

now the presentation is over, i felt i had jus escaped death.. haha.. tok abt job security! this wkend, i oso will burn it to stay n read docu @ home.

woah... as mentioned, i got my jacket (a sign of confirmation of our job) on last monday. den 9 working days later, on way home, my boss hinted to mi tat.. my sup felt i was not alert/productive enuff.. watever good words u can think of.. den my boss put in good words for mi, saying i am oso bogged by studies.. n be light on mi..

oh well... hope i can do better now.. after handing in my asgt..

am i lucky or wat?

on tues nn, my sup email mi, asking mi to check for some details. den tues night, he email again, asking mi to chk for the details so tat he mi n upperstudy can discuss it (tis is wat upperstudy say 1.. i thot discusson's merely btwn mi n him). den tues, i not in office. wed, had 2 meetings b4 lunch. den noon, i tried my best to chk details, but slow progress.. after work, need to go class.

den thur, suddenly, my upperstudy say has to prep the docs for the meeting. i was abrupt, but ok, cos i done 60% liao. den, later, she email out, saying sup is on mc, n cannot have meeting.. wah...

i'm beginning to love the ch 5 show "Ghost Whisperer". tis show focusses on how a 30yo ger could feel ghosts around her n help to deliver their soul by fulfilling their incomplete wishes.. be it redressing their grievances or finding out wat's bothering them or simply letting their living family knw their last words...

wat i like abt tis show is, its not merely some ghost-scaring show, n not meant to scare u, but to highlight on the love that has been missing when the ghost was still alive. it's a bother for mi to write out abt those eps i watched, but ever since i started, i felt it's a good show.. it's really on the sentimental side of the human nature..

on a few occasions, my nose even twitched..

but... have i turned too sentimental?

damn... somehow.. ok, although now my post is Systems Analyst, in charge of analysing and introducing new features and sorts into the system.. I'm still very much stuck in the programming mindset..

I WANT TO WRITE CODINGS!!!!

but nw, wat i mostly do is more to research... :{

come to think of it, i again nearly kena backstab..

few days back, i was discussing my latest tasks wif her. i told her the fine-tuning is not done yet. she said "fine tuning not urgent cos not needed yet".. ok.. nice of her.

BUT ytday, during the proj meeting, when we were toking abt the proj, she sudenly ASK "do the clients wan to knw how will the files b converted??".. kauzz.. i really stunned!!! she herself admitted tat i dun need to do it yet.. n nw, she stab mi, by asking tat qn?? wah liao!!

den, we needed to send a script to our client to try out. tis script, i saw it, n commented tat "there shld b space in between". she say "no, not needed". but the thing is, i did try things out, n without space, it cant work! nonetheless...

den... today, when i saw the result of the script, i saw that the script has a SPACE...

am i confirmed?

when i first came to the company, the admin ppl told mi tat, i'll get the jacket after i'm confirmed for the job...

den.. tis wk monday, i actually got it liao.. i den chk wif my colleagues.. they say, i wun get any letter... the jacket is a way of confirming u... i find it funny.. so informal 1...

am i really confirmed??

my upperstudy...

haha... she's really keen to over-shadow mi siazz!!

during an informal meeting today, oni my team (sup, boss, upperstudy, mi, n 2 colelagues) in the room. my boss was asking if we got any feedback at all..

i thot for a moment, n said "tech n biz"..

after mi is upperstudy. den she actaully said: "i dun agree wif that statement. i feel tat... " wah liao... i heard, but i din respond. i just reacted as normal.. ie, took it as her feedbaack.. well, i'm used to it.. she jus wan 2 b the smarter ger..

den... i promised a cutie ns boy.. i'll shoot a vid of mi shaving.. hehe, mayb tis sat will do it.. lol..