lol.. is studying better or working?
i prefer studying, if there's no exams to test our knowledge..
I prefer working, cos we apply what we know/understand to make things work our way.
What's exasperating is that, for assignments, when the questions are clear enough, and you need to post questions and wait infinitely for an answer..
Saturday, March 31, 2007
premonition
do u call tis premonition? or premonition is supposed to mean visually? umm, i jus check dic, n it simply means:
--------------
pre·mo·ni·tion (prē'mə-nĭsh'ən, prěm'ə-) Pronunciation Key
n.
1. A presentiment of the future; a foreboding.
2. A warning in advance; a forewarning.
--------------
ytday, abt .. in the late noon or late evening period, my left eye twitched. i din bother wat it could mean. i even forgot all abt it. den, tat nite, 1 guy call mi up to discuss abt our appt today.
everything was fine, until he mentioned.. or "confessed" tat oni 1 guy wil b there for photoshoot, although he told mi will b 2-3 guys. i was stunned.. but well, i still suggested the time n the attire he shld bring along for the models. den came the unwanted questions:
1) he asked mi wat attire he himself shld bring.. i was again stunned.. i was not prep to do for him yet.. it's meant as a sexy n turn on shots for the models.. n he wanna shoot for him too?
2) i told him we may need to go hotel81 to make some bed shots. den he suddenly asked whether we shld mit in town directly, or he will fetch mi first.. cos his intention was to go hotel first n den go shots.
i was really stunned.. so many new info dropping onto mi like a bomb. n i had asked him to call mi 1 day earlier so we can sort out such things. but he chose to call mi 12 hrs jus b4 we met. and the info is so diff from wat we originally agreed upon.
i was really at a loss of words.. i told him to discuss on msn.. he came online and sent mi 3 msgs in a row. i din reply. cos his 2nd line is oredi "so wat plc u have in mind?"
i was thinking, wah liao, originally was 2-3 models, we can easily find a number of plc to shoot diff images n background. but nw, wif oni 1 model, have to find specific areas tat suit his particular image. n he wan mi think of the plc at tat instance?? den he called mi, asking y i din reply.. he den went on to complain tat he dun enjoy waiting for decisions.. n started to indirectly pin all the blame onto mi..
i think he hit my nail.. i immediately retaliated, leaving little or no room for him to defend. in the end, he said, "alright, i dun disturb u liao".
well, wat can i say... up to him.. so tis morning, i sms him telling him to confirm if he's on tmr (sunday) by today evening 5pm.
i bring tis up, cos my left eye twitched again. tis time, i really think, once again, he'll call mi near bed time.. n i need to prep myself for it..
--------------
pre·mo·ni·tion (prē'mə-nĭsh'ən, prěm'ə-) Pronunciation Key
n.
1. A presentiment of the future; a foreboding.
2. A warning in advance; a forewarning.
--------------
ytday, abt .. in the late noon or late evening period, my left eye twitched. i din bother wat it could mean. i even forgot all abt it. den, tat nite, 1 guy call mi up to discuss abt our appt today.
everything was fine, until he mentioned.. or "confessed" tat oni 1 guy wil b there for photoshoot, although he told mi will b 2-3 guys. i was stunned.. but well, i still suggested the time n the attire he shld bring along for the models. den came the unwanted questions:
1) he asked mi wat attire he himself shld bring.. i was again stunned.. i was not prep to do for him yet.. it's meant as a sexy n turn on shots for the models.. n he wanna shoot for him too?
2) i told him we may need to go hotel81 to make some bed shots. den he suddenly asked whether we shld mit in town directly, or he will fetch mi first.. cos his intention was to go hotel first n den go shots.
i was really stunned.. so many new info dropping onto mi like a bomb. n i had asked him to call mi 1 day earlier so we can sort out such things. but he chose to call mi 12 hrs jus b4 we met. and the info is so diff from wat we originally agreed upon.
i was really at a loss of words.. i told him to discuss on msn.. he came online and sent mi 3 msgs in a row. i din reply. cos his 2nd line is oredi "so wat plc u have in mind?"
i was thinking, wah liao, originally was 2-3 models, we can easily find a number of plc to shoot diff images n background. but nw, wif oni 1 model, have to find specific areas tat suit his particular image. n he wan mi think of the plc at tat instance?? den he called mi, asking y i din reply.. he den went on to complain tat he dun enjoy waiting for decisions.. n started to indirectly pin all the blame onto mi..
i think he hit my nail.. i immediately retaliated, leaving little or no room for him to defend. in the end, he said, "alright, i dun disturb u liao".
well, wat can i say... up to him.. so tis morning, i sms him telling him to confirm if he's on tmr (sunday) by today evening 5pm.
i bring tis up, cos my left eye twitched again. tis time, i really think, once again, he'll call mi near bed time.. n i need to prep myself for it..
wahahah... can u imagine?
an old frn of mine, suggested tat i make a vid of myself having sex wif a call boy.. hwahaha... n... in the past i def'ly reject.. but tis time, i gladly accepted it, provided the boy is.. of my requirements..
haha, when it's decided, i pestered my boss lemme take leave tat day.. wah, so much til my boss.. seem to suspect i planning to leave the company.. cos, at the end of 2nd appraisal tat day, she asked if i intend to leave the company when the proj is successful. i think she oso knw she need to specifically state wat she's asking, if nt, i wun get her point of "leaving company, not jus proj/team/department". but i told her i wun leave, unless company ask mi to.. she den said "good, keep it up!".
ok.. back to teh leave thing. i went over to this frn plc, n lok how he set thigns up.. yes.. u may have guessed it.. pin hole cam, air-con, curtains, towels. i prep the condoms n lub myself. we chatted a bit.. hehe, long time nvr meet liao, oso dunno wat to chat..
the boy finally came.. i led him into the room.. i felt so NERVOUS DARN! i knw i wanna do things, but i jus din dare! while he's massaging mi, i even thot of "lick here/there a bit, den jus give him the money". but later on, as i calmed down, i told myself to get my money's worth.. dun b afraid to do wat i wanna do to him.. n kept telling this to myself lol.. i finally relaxed more...
but hor.. soemhow i think i'm getting scheming.. as i progress in age n understand more abt human behaviour.. cos.. for tis boy, i knw the positioning of the cam.. n i wan to capture how his body looks like.. den halfway thru, i got him to stand by the bed. in case he wonder why stand at such angle, i pretended to wanna oral him.. den later i got up n stood behind him.. nw, he's the oni person in the cam.. hahah..
n i am caressing his chest from the back..
surprisingly... when i was jerking him off, he actually shot pretty far.. he himself was stunned n commented "very far".. he oso said he jo the day before oredi.. i think it's cos i blif in mutual enjoyment, not jus "i paid for it, so i have to make sure i enjoy".. but wat's the pt, if u enjoy, butthe other person feels nothing? thus, conclusion: he enjoyed it.
interesting quotes from him:
1) ur tool too big for mi
2) for oral, oso use condom
he's a thai.. i not sure if he's gay anot.. but well.. it seems a fast way to earn quick bucks..
=================
anyway, sometmies it feels so good to have frns not to lie to u.. anythign, be it how they feel towards u, how they intend to do thigns.. unless it will embarass them a lot.. but if its mere human reaction or response, why be shy.. abt it.. oni to b found out later..
another eg of my scheming side:
got a guy who wanna mi take photo for his models (if it supermodel, i def'ly no chance.. so u knwo). when he got to my plc n we discussed the shots, i oredi had in mind, how to manage to touch his body.. at the end of the discussion, i told him i have pictures of a guy who i took photos for, got him to come my hse.. he saw the pix, n wanna take some for himself oso.. den i ask him to lift up his shirt.. he declined, cos he's shy (i say 1, he say his body all fats).. but i told him sooner or later, i still see his body mah..
so he lifted it up.. to reveal stomach.. i was abt to lift up more, den he auto lift up to show his chest.. i turned him to face the light.. den... use my left thumb to touch his nipples, n moved to the right 1.. he instantly moved back n luff it off.. mi too lol..
an old frn of mine, suggested tat i make a vid of myself having sex wif a call boy.. hwahaha... n... in the past i def'ly reject.. but tis time, i gladly accepted it, provided the boy is.. of my requirements..
haha, when it's decided, i pestered my boss lemme take leave tat day.. wah, so much til my boss.. seem to suspect i planning to leave the company.. cos, at the end of 2nd appraisal tat day, she asked if i intend to leave the company when the proj is successful. i think she oso knw she need to specifically state wat she's asking, if nt, i wun get her point of "leaving company, not jus proj/team/department". but i told her i wun leave, unless company ask mi to.. she den said "good, keep it up!".
ok.. back to teh leave thing. i went over to this frn plc, n lok how he set thigns up.. yes.. u may have guessed it.. pin hole cam, air-con, curtains, towels. i prep the condoms n lub myself. we chatted a bit.. hehe, long time nvr meet liao, oso dunno wat to chat..
the boy finally came.. i led him into the room.. i felt so NERVOUS DARN! i knw i wanna do things, but i jus din dare! while he's massaging mi, i even thot of "lick here/there a bit, den jus give him the money". but later on, as i calmed down, i told myself to get my money's worth.. dun b afraid to do wat i wanna do to him.. n kept telling this to myself lol.. i finally relaxed more...
but hor.. soemhow i think i'm getting scheming.. as i progress in age n understand more abt human behaviour.. cos.. for tis boy, i knw the positioning of the cam.. n i wan to capture how his body looks like.. den halfway thru, i got him to stand by the bed. in case he wonder why stand at such angle, i pretended to wanna oral him.. den later i got up n stood behind him.. nw, he's the oni person in the cam.. hahah..
n i am caressing his chest from the back..
surprisingly... when i was jerking him off, he actually shot pretty far.. he himself was stunned n commented "very far".. he oso said he jo the day before oredi.. i think it's cos i blif in mutual enjoyment, not jus "i paid for it, so i have to make sure i enjoy".. but wat's the pt, if u enjoy, butthe other person feels nothing? thus, conclusion: he enjoyed it.
interesting quotes from him:
1) ur tool too big for mi
2) for oral, oso use condom
he's a thai.. i not sure if he's gay anot.. but well.. it seems a fast way to earn quick bucks..
=================
anyway, sometmies it feels so good to have frns not to lie to u.. anythign, be it how they feel towards u, how they intend to do thigns.. unless it will embarass them a lot.. but if its mere human reaction or response, why be shy.. abt it.. oni to b found out later..
another eg of my scheming side:
got a guy who wanna mi take photo for his models (if it supermodel, i def'ly no chance.. so u knwo). when he got to my plc n we discussed the shots, i oredi had in mind, how to manage to touch his body.. at the end of the discussion, i told him i have pictures of a guy who i took photos for, got him to come my hse.. he saw the pix, n wanna take some for himself oso.. den i ask him to lift up his shirt.. he declined, cos he's shy (i say 1, he say his body all fats).. but i told him sooner or later, i still see his body mah..
so he lifted it up.. to reveal stomach.. i was abt to lift up more, den he auto lift up to show his chest.. i turned him to face the light.. den... use my left thumb to touch his nipples, n moved to the right 1.. he instantly moved back n luff it off.. mi too lol..
Thursday, March 29, 2007
appraisal for the past yr is here..
did part 1 of 2 appraisal wif my boss and
supervisor. nt sure if this is a good
time to speak up frankly, but i did
take the opportunity to speak frankly
of wat i think of my performance..
it's a review of myself. if i can see
how my person is doing, it means i am
able to improve myself over time and
always trying to improve myself.
but jus b4 part 1 ended, my boss
suddenly ask mi if i have plans to move
on after the proj taken off. i was
quite surprised at tis qn, n i replied
tat if the proj prove to b ok, i'll
gladly move on proudly to other projs.
den.. ytday, she was having a 1-1 chat
wif mi.. for part 2 ie.. somehow i feel tat she's oso
flirting wif mi at the same time.. its
oni the 2 of us in the room, and once
in a while, she'll push mi by my arms
so tat i lean to 1 side. i.. cant
imagine her doing tis to other staff..
n we oso chatted abt feedback, n she
noted tat i'm able to suggest new ways
of doing things. n tat, i am
competent technically, but lacking the
proper chance to prove myself..
oso tok about how i feel abt other
staff. shared my thots of them.
somehow she seems to recognise my
ability to analyse ppl's capabilities.
she even waited for mi to take cab wif
her.
but nt so obvious lah.. cos after part
2, she asked if i going home, as she
was. i said i wil go back about 30
mins later.. she say ok.. but din say
she wait for mi.
den, when my stuff is settled, i
called her desk, but she nt around. i
thot she went off oredi.. den later,
she came to mi again, n i told her
i'll b going back, she den asked mi to
wait a while for her..
hahaha.. so qiao, the cab we took..
the driver is.. of cos uncle.. he was
playing nostalgia numbers by Tsai Chin.
chatted wif him on her old songs.
along the way, my boss still chatted
wif mi abt happenings at work.. she's
either trying to gain ground feedback
or she sees tat i'm able to analyse
ppl's capabilities..
did part 1 of 2 appraisal wif my boss and
supervisor. nt sure if this is a good
time to speak up frankly, but i did
take the opportunity to speak frankly
of wat i think of my performance..
it's a review of myself. if i can see
how my person is doing, it means i am
able to improve myself over time and
always trying to improve myself.
but jus b4 part 1 ended, my boss
suddenly ask mi if i have plans to move
on after the proj taken off. i was
quite surprised at tis qn, n i replied
tat if the proj prove to b ok, i'll
gladly move on proudly to other projs.
den.. ytday, she was having a 1-1 chat
wif mi.. for part 2 ie.. somehow i feel tat she's oso
flirting wif mi at the same time.. its
oni the 2 of us in the room, and once
in a while, she'll push mi by my arms
so tat i lean to 1 side. i.. cant
imagine her doing tis to other staff..
n we oso chatted abt feedback, n she
noted tat i'm able to suggest new ways
of doing things. n tat, i am
competent technically, but lacking the
proper chance to prove myself..
oso tok about how i feel abt other
staff. shared my thots of them.
somehow she seems to recognise my
ability to analyse ppl's capabilities.
she even waited for mi to take cab wif
her.
but nt so obvious lah.. cos after part
2, she asked if i going home, as she
was. i said i wil go back about 30
mins later.. she say ok.. but din say
she wait for mi.
den, when my stuff is settled, i
called her desk, but she nt around. i
thot she went off oredi.. den later,
she came to mi again, n i told her
i'll b going back, she den asked mi to
wait a while for her..
hahaha.. so qiao, the cab we took..
the driver is.. of cos uncle.. he was
playing nostalgia numbers by Tsai Chin.
chatted wif him on her old songs.
along the way, my boss still chatted
wif mi abt happenings at work.. she's
either trying to gain ground feedback
or she sees tat i'm able to analyse
ppl's capabilities..
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
i scored 1 pt @ work
lol.. i'm still in office, but i MUZ blog about it!!
there's a long standing issue abt the display of some data not proper. my upperstudy keep asking mi to chk the script, cos theer shld b a command somewhere which added in an extra tag.
for some tiem already, i've been trying to figure out the codes, thinking why it is not functioning properly. so tiring.. den tis morning, boss called for a meeting. during this meeting, this prob was raised up. i commented it's a display prob, not a function issue. but upperstudy straight away pointed out that it's been logged, so it must be closed.
my supervisor asked wats the prob abt, upperstudy kept iterating it's a script prob. i mentioned it's oni applying to a document, but she claim it applies to a few others oso.. who knows if she's jus trying to prove her pt anot.. sup ask since other docs are ok, why this problem happen to tis doc? upperstudy say there's an additional if-else condition somehwere.
i broke this discussion, saying we better take a look at the script first n decide. they agreed.. den later.. i delayed my lunch to fix the prob.. i really cant figure out wat's wrong wif the code, esp when the code is not written in my language.
i even cried out to my upperstudy for help siazz.. but i decide to give myself 1 more hr to solve. n... hey, there's some difference in the general data!! i was of cos happy!! i highlighted to upperstudy, n she said, chk other documents to see if got such thing... so i took the time to chk...
later on, i asked my sup for updates again, and highlighted to him tat there's a diff in the data. den he immediately told mi to update the data to the way it shld appear...
i did it... n viola!!! it worked!!! the display is back to normal!!!!
WAHAHAHAHA........
there's a long standing issue abt the display of some data not proper. my upperstudy keep asking mi to chk the script, cos theer shld b a command somewhere which added in an extra tag.
for some tiem already, i've been trying to figure out the codes, thinking why it is not functioning properly. so tiring.. den tis morning, boss called for a meeting. during this meeting, this prob was raised up. i commented it's a display prob, not a function issue. but upperstudy straight away pointed out that it's been logged, so it must be closed.
my supervisor asked wats the prob abt, upperstudy kept iterating it's a script prob. i mentioned it's oni applying to a document, but she claim it applies to a few others oso.. who knows if she's jus trying to prove her pt anot.. sup ask since other docs are ok, why this problem happen to tis doc? upperstudy say there's an additional if-else condition somehwere.
i broke this discussion, saying we better take a look at the script first n decide. they agreed.. den later.. i delayed my lunch to fix the prob.. i really cant figure out wat's wrong wif the code, esp when the code is not written in my language.
i even cried out to my upperstudy for help siazz.. but i decide to give myself 1 more hr to solve. n... hey, there's some difference in the general data!! i was of cos happy!! i highlighted to upperstudy, n she said, chk other documents to see if got such thing... so i took the time to chk...
later on, i asked my sup for updates again, and highlighted to him tat there's a diff in the data. den he immediately told mi to update the data to the way it shld appear...
i did it... n viola!!! it worked!!! the display is back to normal!!!!
WAHAHAHAHA........
Sunday, March 25, 2007
replying to comments:
"oei..is that post about me? hte last one..lol..anyway...what's so violent about my txt..my eyes were raped...lol..
whatever will be will be.
love ya!
cheerios,
Lesbo. "
whcih post u mean??
=====================
"hint hint ** it cost only RM0.20 to send a sms to singapore from malaysia, and RM0.50 for a MMS.. thats like 8 cents for a SMS and 23 cents for MMS.. international messaging leii...
ahaha... its cheap anyway.. have fun with those guys there :P lucky u... y i 2 years in singapore never come across such things?
Takashi @ Pluboy"
issit? i dunno hwo much he earning there.. when he was washing my hair in singapore, he say he earn < 1k. over there, dunno hwo much.. i dun wish him to send mi sms often lah.. cos to him, we may nt b tat close, but more to can-tok ppl. i send him sms.. to remind him tat i'm here.. den he wun forget got mi in singapore, n hopefully ask mi out when he comes for holiday =D
"oei..is that post about me? hte last one..lol..anyway...what's so violent about my txt..my eyes were raped...lol..
whatever will be will be.
love ya!
cheerios,
Lesbo. "
whcih post u mean??
=====================
"hint hint ** it cost only RM0.20 to send a sms to singapore from malaysia, and RM0.50 for a MMS.. thats like 8 cents for a SMS and 23 cents for MMS.. international messaging leii...
ahaha... its cheap anyway.. have fun with those guys there :P lucky u... y i 2 years in singapore never come across such things?
Takashi @ Pluboy"
issit? i dunno hwo much he earning there.. when he was washing my hair in singapore, he say he earn < 1k. over there, dunno hwo much.. i dun wish him to send mi sms often lah.. cos to him, we may nt b tat close, but more to can-tok ppl. i send him sms.. to remind him tat i'm here.. den he wun forget got mi in singapore, n hopefully ask mi out when he comes for holiday =D
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Sunday, March 18, 2007
ren ci charity
today is the charity show. will there be many ppl blogging abt it?
mayb i jus join in the crowd.
after so many yrs of fund raising on tv, although i applaud the purpose, but it's been commercialised so greatly that, it no longer is dependent on viewers' contributions. these days, i'll b surprised if call-in donations meet the target. cos, every1 contributes accordign to the call-in volume printed out the tv screen, but in the end, wif the donations from the riches, orgs n sorts, donations never fail to meet the targets. in this case, y shld we, the low-level living beings, donate our hard-earned money? might as well those mid-income folks donate wat they manage to earn? esp those big orgs.. earn big money, every yr break record in revenue.. such orgs, if they donate 5k each, (it's small case for them!) all charity shows round the yr will break records..
i did not donate tis yr. the call-in volume din meet expections, n even fell short by maybe half. but when the total amt raised was revealed, it still manage to mee the target. so.. wat does it say? i'm actualyl more keen to see the acts that were performed.. look at performers' performance, n see how good the hosts were. it's no longer known to mi as "it's time to donate money to them"..
mayb i jus join in the crowd.
after so many yrs of fund raising on tv, although i applaud the purpose, but it's been commercialised so greatly that, it no longer is dependent on viewers' contributions. these days, i'll b surprised if call-in donations meet the target. cos, every1 contributes accordign to the call-in volume printed out the tv screen, but in the end, wif the donations from the riches, orgs n sorts, donations never fail to meet the targets. in this case, y shld we, the low-level living beings, donate our hard-earned money? might as well those mid-income folks donate wat they manage to earn? esp those big orgs.. earn big money, every yr break record in revenue.. such orgs, if they donate 5k each, (it's small case for them!) all charity shows round the yr will break records..
i did not donate tis yr. the call-in volume din meet expections, n even fell short by maybe half. but when the total amt raised was revealed, it still manage to mee the target. so.. wat does it say? i'm actualyl more keen to see the acts that were performed.. look at performers' performance, n see how good the hosts were. it's no longer known to mi as "it's time to donate money to them"..
i'm a BAD egg
bad egg
sigh.. nw i kinda understand why some rapists target their relatives' young.
ytday, all day long, i been running around, buying things for mi n my cute cousin. u knw, i havent had anythign to eat from 10 - 4pm.. had bfast at 9 for my gym. den, during tat 6 hr period, i was famished!
but sometimes, being famished has a reward... or rewards :) while i waiting for a bus, a slightly beng but decent guy waiting at the busstop i went to lol.. yes, my definition for bengs is more descriptive than most ppl.. cos, those tat i like, i fidn them cute or decent. but to others, it's simply BENG (rowdy or attitude-ly appearance).
den later... i bought lunch to my cousin's place to eat. i shared wif them my nugg's meal. haha.. cousin boy is courteous. he knws tat's my lunch, and dun dare touch. cousin ger jus eat. i was later in his room, fixing his comptuer thigns. lol, i actuallly thot we will be alone, but my uncle's there.
i had wanna.. go topless n stay in the room.. n see how he reacts.. nothign sexual, but jus to see how he react.. since uncle around, den it din take place.
but the "bad egg" thot came... during dinner.. my aunt suggested tat since i so close to them, i sometimes can take them to swimming.. den my thinking was:
gosh.. if go swim, den i can see him swimming... lol. n perhaps bath him.. lol.. but i have to ensure tat, nothign happens AT ALL..
===================
oh ya, rmb.. some time back, i mentioned tat my pal visually molested me? lol.. his response to tat is so violent n aggressive tat, he sms'ed mi 3.03am 1 day, his reply. lol... sms siazz.. nt blogging siazz!!
=================
1 more thing
last night, my sis went out at 11+pm. rushign out, rather. she asked mi for extra cash, n hinted tat she needed mi to open door for her when she came back. i told her, i'll slp at abt 2+.
den she went out.. i felt sleepy at 1+.. but made myself stay up to wait for her.. scared tat she dun have keys to come back. n scared she may have some troubles.. but at 2+, she's nt back yet.. so i took a nap.. den 5+, nt back oso.. i decided i'll jus head for bed.
next morn, i woke up to find her at home oredi.
come to think of it, since when have i become so worried for a family member? she shld b more street-wise than mi, but yes, her image for tat night was pretty hot for such night outing. i dun need to worry so much. but to think i even stayed up to wait for her... next morn, i was thinking, if i'm the one going out, even if the person is asleep, i can still give a call to open door.. n there's always the mobile, shld anythign happen.. why shld i stay up so late??
umm... a penny for my thots.
my oz buddy
he's now going thru a decision making stage.. it depends solely on him to come to a decision, and it's ppl around him, ppl who know his nature, his person/character thru years of thick and thin happenings, ppl who knw his situation.. who are able to advise him on how he can arrive at a decision. it's really tough.. even giving him advice, is tuff. our advice can cost his happiness, or provide him a life-long bliss. it's not easy to put my/ourselves in his shoes.
cos the environment is diff, but we knw his situation. and can feel what he's going through. his happiness is in our hands.. especially, when such gay-partnership has not a bond tat ties both parties together...
sigh.. nw i kinda understand why some rapists target their relatives' young.
ytday, all day long, i been running around, buying things for mi n my cute cousin. u knw, i havent had anythign to eat from 10 - 4pm.. had bfast at 9 for my gym. den, during tat 6 hr period, i was famished!
but sometimes, being famished has a reward... or rewards :) while i waiting for a bus, a slightly beng but decent guy waiting at the busstop i went to lol.. yes, my definition for bengs is more descriptive than most ppl.. cos, those tat i like, i fidn them cute or decent. but to others, it's simply BENG (rowdy or attitude-ly appearance).
den later... i bought lunch to my cousin's place to eat. i shared wif them my nugg's meal. haha.. cousin boy is courteous. he knws tat's my lunch, and dun dare touch. cousin ger jus eat. i was later in his room, fixing his comptuer thigns. lol, i actuallly thot we will be alone, but my uncle's there.
i had wanna.. go topless n stay in the room.. n see how he reacts.. nothign sexual, but jus to see how he react.. since uncle around, den it din take place.
but the "bad egg" thot came... during dinner.. my aunt suggested tat since i so close to them, i sometimes can take them to swimming.. den my thinking was:
gosh.. if go swim, den i can see him swimming... lol. n perhaps bath him.. lol.. but i have to ensure tat, nothign happens AT ALL..
===================
oh ya, rmb.. some time back, i mentioned tat my pal visually molested me? lol.. his response to tat is so violent n aggressive tat, he sms'ed mi 3.03am 1 day, his reply. lol... sms siazz.. nt blogging siazz!!
=================
1 more thing
last night, my sis went out at 11+pm. rushign out, rather. she asked mi for extra cash, n hinted tat she needed mi to open door for her when she came back. i told her, i'll slp at abt 2+.
den she went out.. i felt sleepy at 1+.. but made myself stay up to wait for her.. scared tat she dun have keys to come back. n scared she may have some troubles.. but at 2+, she's nt back yet.. so i took a nap.. den 5+, nt back oso.. i decided i'll jus head for bed.
next morn, i woke up to find her at home oredi.
come to think of it, since when have i become so worried for a family member? she shld b more street-wise than mi, but yes, her image for tat night was pretty hot for such night outing. i dun need to worry so much. but to think i even stayed up to wait for her... next morn, i was thinking, if i'm the one going out, even if the person is asleep, i can still give a call to open door.. n there's always the mobile, shld anythign happen.. why shld i stay up so late??
umm... a penny for my thots.
my oz buddy
he's now going thru a decision making stage.. it depends solely on him to come to a decision, and it's ppl around him, ppl who know his nature, his person/character thru years of thick and thin happenings, ppl who knw his situation.. who are able to advise him on how he can arrive at a decision. it's really tough.. even giving him advice, is tuff. our advice can cost his happiness, or provide him a life-long bliss. it's not easy to put my/ourselves in his shoes.
cos the environment is diff, but we knw his situation. and can feel what he's going through. his happiness is in our hands.. especially, when such gay-partnership has not a bond tat ties both parties together...
Friday, March 16, 2007
personal: EXCITED; work: SIANZ
wahhaha... does the topic sound contradicting?
or real clear cut?
well. today morning.. tat is 15 mar morning, i alighted from my train, n walking towards the escalator.. n u knw wat??!?!? yesterday i blogged abt the voluntary guy rite? n today, i saw him as i walked to the escalator!!!!!!!!! wah liao!!!
hehe, his bright coloured top grabbed my attention, den i look at his face... he looks familiar.. i think he noticed my gaze, n looked slightly away to block any cruising radar.. den i realised, he's tat voluntary guy!!!!!!!! very likely!!!!!!! i got so excited (strike toto mood?? lol more like, meeting a celebrity u fancy on the street who u nvr believe u had such luck) tat i almost wanna msg him to ask if he's wearing tat color top. but... i held on to myself... n until i'm stable, waiting for company bus, den i msg him..
yes, he's wearing tat color top!!
he ask mi like "u saw mi?", i replied "r u taking towards tat dir?"
he reply "r u on tat train oso?" i replied "haha, enjoy ur day"..
so interesting!! (umm, yes i knw it's jus nothign n jus something casual.. casual msg.. but well, when u take a liking to someone, n tat someone responds to u, u sure b excited 1 siazz.. dun luff at mi)
we chatted a while more via sms.. n den (oh, he added mi to msn a couple days back) in office, he msn'ed mi oso!!! wah liao.. n we chatted a fair bit.. gave him my bloggie.. n he.. heheh, was deciding if he shld ask for the "erotic pic" series i put on my msn nick... i told him, can send him from home pc oni.. n he oso saw my post abt him siazz.. lol.. although... it seems strange that some thots r better blogged down, than to say out, wat's the diff when he comes to read ur blog?
n he still rmb abt the overdue interview :).. i heard his radio interview b4.. he got a man deep voice.. but a frn told mi, he can reach screeching stage oso when he's totally loose hahaha...
==============
work stuff.. kinda sianz.. cos.. my sup ask mi to work on searching feature. i worked hard on it, n got it up. took 3 days. nex thign i knw, we realised it's not gonna work as some parts need fine tuning. end up, i did additional research into searchign feature.. n i think i need to re-do certain parts.. gosh..
or real clear cut?
well. today morning.. tat is 15 mar morning, i alighted from my train, n walking towards the escalator.. n u knw wat??!?!? yesterday i blogged abt the voluntary guy rite? n today, i saw him as i walked to the escalator!!!!!!!!! wah liao!!!
hehe, his bright coloured top grabbed my attention, den i look at his face... he looks familiar.. i think he noticed my gaze, n looked slightly away to block any cruising radar.. den i realised, he's tat voluntary guy!!!!!!!! very likely!!!!!!! i got so excited (strike toto mood?? lol more like, meeting a celebrity u fancy on the street who u nvr believe u had such luck) tat i almost wanna msg him to ask if he's wearing tat color top. but... i held on to myself... n until i'm stable, waiting for company bus, den i msg him..
yes, he's wearing tat color top!!
he ask mi like "u saw mi?", i replied "r u taking towards tat dir?"
he reply "r u on tat train oso?" i replied "haha, enjoy ur day"..
so interesting!! (umm, yes i knw it's jus nothign n jus something casual.. casual msg.. but well, when u take a liking to someone, n tat someone responds to u, u sure b excited 1 siazz.. dun luff at mi)
we chatted a while more via sms.. n den (oh, he added mi to msn a couple days back) in office, he msn'ed mi oso!!! wah liao.. n we chatted a fair bit.. gave him my bloggie.. n he.. heheh, was deciding if he shld ask for the "erotic pic" series i put on my msn nick... i told him, can send him from home pc oni.. n he oso saw my post abt him siazz.. lol.. although... it seems strange that some thots r better blogged down, than to say out, wat's the diff when he comes to read ur blog?
n he still rmb abt the overdue interview :).. i heard his radio interview b4.. he got a man deep voice.. but a frn told mi, he can reach screeching stage oso when he's totally loose hahaha...
==============
work stuff.. kinda sianz.. cos.. my sup ask mi to work on searching feature. i worked hard on it, n got it up. took 3 days. nex thign i knw, we realised it's not gonna work as some parts need fine tuning. end up, i did additional research into searchign feature.. n i think i need to re-do certain parts.. gosh..
Monday, March 12, 2007
i am VERY HAPPY!!!
I'm really happy.. due to 2 things:
on sunday, .. umm ok.. got tis guy from a voluntary organisation tat spreads awareness on AIDS. i saw his profile somehow n msg him to take care.
n i oso.. volunteered to help out if they need mi. so i emailed him my contact, openly expressed my interest in him. den he replied, wif hints hehe.. dne later, we supposed to mit up for a chat session (to know more abt my interest area for voluntary work). but he din confirm anything. n i jus.. let it pass.
THEN, today, he sms mi!!! sms to inform abt an upcoming event!! i thanked him, n asked y nt sent by email.. he reply, will sms if got no. n apologised for missing out on the appt agreed earlier. lol.. i replied "it's ok" n gave him my msn contact... ya, he haven add mi yet..
den 2nd thing, rmb abt the hair stylist i mentioned?? tat cute boy?? he left salon in dec last yr, but i got his no liao. he's msia.. dunno where he is nw.. shld still b there.
after getting his no, i sms him once. he reply wif greetings.
den.. from timet o time i oso sms him morn greetz. for 3 mths. he nvr respond at all. it's ok lah, cos he's msian, i dunno the sms charge there, mayb 2 ex for overseas send. BUT, today, he sms mi a greet msg oso!!!!!!!!! i felt so excited!!!
sigh.. pining to see him..
on sunday, .. umm ok.. got tis guy from a voluntary organisation tat spreads awareness on AIDS. i saw his profile somehow n msg him to take care.
n i oso.. volunteered to help out if they need mi. so i emailed him my contact, openly expressed my interest in him. den he replied, wif hints hehe.. dne later, we supposed to mit up for a chat session (to know more abt my interest area for voluntary work). but he din confirm anything. n i jus.. let it pass.
THEN, today, he sms mi!!! sms to inform abt an upcoming event!! i thanked him, n asked y nt sent by email.. he reply, will sms if got no. n apologised for missing out on the appt agreed earlier. lol.. i replied "it's ok" n gave him my msn contact... ya, he haven add mi yet..
den 2nd thing, rmb abt the hair stylist i mentioned?? tat cute boy?? he left salon in dec last yr, but i got his no liao. he's msia.. dunno where he is nw.. shld still b there.
after getting his no, i sms him once. he reply wif greetings.
den.. from timet o time i oso sms him morn greetz. for 3 mths. he nvr respond at all. it's ok lah, cos he's msian, i dunno the sms charge there, mayb 2 ex for overseas send. BUT, today, he sms mi a greet msg oso!!!!!!!!! i felt so excited!!!
sigh.. pining to see him..
Sunday, March 11, 2007
again, i fell into the trap of lust...
u knw... today went bfast wif my family... den.. there, at a corner, got a hunky looking guy n tanned soem more selling titbits stuff wif his.. wife i think. wah liao.. i asked my family go there.. n i pick 3 packs of tits, my sis 1 pack... he thanked us for buying.. nw i see how many packs liao, i oso regret lol... LUST,...
u knw... today went bfast wif my family... den.. there, at a corner, got a hunky looking guy n tanned soem more selling titbits stuff wif his.. wife i think. wah liao.. i asked my family go there.. n i pick 3 packs of tits, my sis 1 pack... he thanked us for buying.. nw i see how many packs liao, i oso regret lol... LUST,...
some gossips for work..
few days ago, my upperstudy wanna mi find bugs in her program. wan mi to devise a test script to dig bugs out. i thot it's ok, since we wanna make sure everything working fine.
i stayed in office during lunch, to write out the script, but sensing it will take days to devise it, n the priority is to get bugs, i decided to directly check out the bugs. writing the test script takes time to think of the scenarios. n most of the time, scenarios r best thot of, when u do it urself, so tat it can lead to other scenarios.
so i started the bug finding.. BUT while doing it, i ask upperstudy something, n she said "no, tat's nt wat i wan.. if u dun wan... nvm, i write the script myself". den i ask, "u still wan mi find bugs?", she reply "nvm, it's ok, u carry on ur work".
i felt my half hr work wasted siazz.. i decided to save my work..
n, on friday, she requested mi help her find bugs!! saying she dun have time to write script.. haha.. luckily i din delete it!!
few days ago, my upperstudy wanna mi find bugs in her program. wan mi to devise a test script to dig bugs out. i thot it's ok, since we wanna make sure everything working fine.
i stayed in office during lunch, to write out the script, but sensing it will take days to devise it, n the priority is to get bugs, i decided to directly check out the bugs. writing the test script takes time to think of the scenarios. n most of the time, scenarios r best thot of, when u do it urself, so tat it can lead to other scenarios.
so i started the bug finding.. BUT while doing it, i ask upperstudy something, n she said "no, tat's nt wat i wan.. if u dun wan... nvm, i write the script myself". den i ask, "u still wan mi find bugs?", she reply "nvm, it's ok, u carry on ur work".
i felt my half hr work wasted siazz.. i decided to save my work..
n, on friday, she requested mi help her find bugs!! saying she dun have time to write script.. haha.. luckily i din delete it!!
gym yesterday
for my gym routine, i din work out for 1 wk.. yesterday, i went again, SO tiring. kept my eyes on 1 guy wif good face n tone body.. i cant detect if he PLU lah. saw him do stretching lol..
n the interesting thing is, at the steamrm, i went in, n found 1 guy oredi inside. i den sat down there n spread open my towel, coverin oni the vital parts. tat guy kept turning around, n i noticed it. after a while, he got up, walked around a bit, n went out.
secs later, he's back... walking ard, n finally sat down.. but he's peeping at mi..
haha.. the room was set to 70 deg, super nice feeling! sweatingall over.. but felt real gd. but i knw i need to cool my body down again.. i went out.. rinsed wif shower, n go back to steam rm. at tis time, the guy jus came out.. he saw mi approaching n gave a 2nd look to mi. a while later, he's in the room again, tis time, really looking at mi. he was almost prepared to come my side...
den, at tis pt of time, another guy came in... n the first guy.. panicked, stayed a while more, n left... lol.. yes, he's crusing mi ;)
===========
usually.. or maybe when i first started gym, swimming n steamrm quite shiok.. can get exciting at times (but no action, ok) .. so when i bathe, i tend to jo liao. den these days, become jus normal process.. i seem to be following the process nw.. i think i shld cut it.. not really need to jo after gym session..
for my gym routine, i din work out for 1 wk.. yesterday, i went again, SO tiring. kept my eyes on 1 guy wif good face n tone body.. i cant detect if he PLU lah. saw him do stretching lol..
n the interesting thing is, at the steamrm, i went in, n found 1 guy oredi inside. i den sat down there n spread open my towel, coverin oni the vital parts. tat guy kept turning around, n i noticed it. after a while, he got up, walked around a bit, n went out.
secs later, he's back... walking ard, n finally sat down.. but he's peeping at mi..
haha.. the room was set to 70 deg, super nice feeling! sweatingall over.. but felt real gd. but i knw i need to cool my body down again.. i went out.. rinsed wif shower, n go back to steam rm. at tis time, the guy jus came out.. he saw mi approaching n gave a 2nd look to mi. a while later, he's in the room again, tis time, really looking at mi. he was almost prepared to come my side...
den, at tis pt of time, another guy came in... n the first guy.. panicked, stayed a while more, n left... lol.. yes, he's crusing mi ;)
===========
usually.. or maybe when i first started gym, swimming n steamrm quite shiok.. can get exciting at times (but no action, ok) .. so when i bathe, i tend to jo liao. den these days, become jus normal process.. i seem to be following the process nw.. i think i shld cut it.. not really need to jo after gym session..
Saturday, March 10, 2007
i know i got lotsa thinsg to blog.. but cant remember exactly wat..
umm.. b4 i met up my buddy, i met up wif a group of frns for ktv.. i org 1. got a 2-3 yrs no meet frn, a kiddy frn who likes to sing, a study mate (female), n my.. lost-chemistry pal.
ya, quite rojak in the combo i knw.. but.. oni they reply my sms mah.. i met up the "no meet" frn.. when i first met him yrs back, he was still a simple minded guy. but nw, he's past ns n studying in ntu liao. n he's not tat simple-thinking anymore.. was surprised to see the change in him, physically n facially lol...
but nt bad lah.. the crowd hit off quit alright... no cold scene. n had lotsa fun in ktv room.. n we even reached climax during some parts siazz... for mi, i challenged myself to a high pitch song, the rock ver of "1 nite in beijing". the falsetto part is said to kill many voices, meaning, it usually is th last song of the day. but for mi, it's a song to test my vocal range. i can reach pretty high lol.. but scream is not my forte.. umm Mariah carey's trademark "whale calling".. i somehow can manage 2... power huh?
din not have so much fun for long timeliao.. when i went wif my gal-pal mentioned above (tat no-chem 1) long time back, we were more to singing n chatting, n the fun was between us.. nw tat more ppl join, more fun in the making!!
===========
gosh... i jus watched a SEVERE sm vid.. it's really.. oh-my-gawd.. i oni into slight sm.. taking advantage of ppl when they're helpless... but this vid is much more.. wah liao... if the model is not good looking, i wun get it siazz.. i like the first few scenes.. but pity the model siazz... i can feel his pain.. sigh, as i watched ,i even thot: if i knw a frn is gonna do these, i'd rather buy back his dignity for him, instead of him losing it for that money..
umm.. b4 i met up my buddy, i met up wif a group of frns for ktv.. i org 1. got a 2-3 yrs no meet frn, a kiddy frn who likes to sing, a study mate (female), n my.. lost-chemistry pal.
ya, quite rojak in the combo i knw.. but.. oni they reply my sms mah.. i met up the "no meet" frn.. when i first met him yrs back, he was still a simple minded guy. but nw, he's past ns n studying in ntu liao. n he's not tat simple-thinking anymore.. was surprised to see the change in him, physically n facially lol...
but nt bad lah.. the crowd hit off quit alright... no cold scene. n had lotsa fun in ktv room.. n we even reached climax during some parts siazz... for mi, i challenged myself to a high pitch song, the rock ver of "1 nite in beijing". the falsetto part is said to kill many voices, meaning, it usually is th last song of the day. but for mi, it's a song to test my vocal range. i can reach pretty high lol.. but scream is not my forte.. umm Mariah carey's trademark "whale calling".. i somehow can manage 2... power huh?
din not have so much fun for long timeliao.. when i went wif my gal-pal mentioned above (tat no-chem 1) long time back, we were more to singing n chatting, n the fun was between us.. nw tat more ppl join, more fun in the making!!
===========
gosh... i jus watched a SEVERE sm vid.. it's really.. oh-my-gawd.. i oni into slight sm.. taking advantage of ppl when they're helpless... but this vid is much more.. wah liao... if the model is not good looking, i wun get it siazz.. i like the first few scenes.. but pity the model siazz... i can feel his pain.. sigh, as i watched ,i even thot: if i knw a frn is gonna do these, i'd rather buy back his dignity for him, instead of him losing it for that money..
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
a quote from IMDB about Jennifer Hudson..
"In a recent interview, I was asked how I reconciled being a Christian with performing at events for my gay fans. I find it upsetting that some folks equate being a Christian with being intolerant of gay people. That may, unfortunately, be true for some, but it is not true for me. I have talked often of my love and support of the gay community. I have said again and again that it was the gay community that supported me long before and long after American Idol, and kept me working and motivated. It is the gay community that celebrated my voice and my size and my personality long before Dreamgirls. Yes, I was raised Baptist. Yes, I was taught that the Bible has certain views on homosexuality. The Bible also teaches us not to judge. It teaches us to love one another as God loves us all. I love my sister, my two best friends and my director dearly. They happen to be gay. So what? While some search for controversy, I hope that my friends and fans who know me, know where I stand."
call mi stupid or anything./..
watching a recorded ep of "firefly's dream". a guy was caught red-handed, cheating on a schger. she returned home, n broke down. her mum tried consoling her.
it reminds mi of my past... not sure if i blogged abt it. a guy mesmerised mi. we went out for a wk. after tat, we broke up. i went home n stared into blank. my mum, den said, if u got any prob, jus say out.. dun keep inside.. it's really touching..
but then, if parents are more open minded, i could really have told her abt my probs.. instead of relying on myself, n attempting suicide..
actually, i oso wonder, if i din commit suicide, cos i'm scaredy, or i sudenly din feel the worth to die, or something spiritual was pulling mi back.. i dunno.. cos until nw, i duno wat stopped mi. i oni rmb, i wanna jump onto the road just as a car is approaching. but suddenly, a voice in my head shouted, "NO! i dun want to die!"...
==========
anyway, that was the past. in the ep, oso got a scene.. a beng jus finished his shower and walked out in his pants oni. haah... the funny thing is, i din feel like snapping him. not no body or too fat, but jus din feel anything for him.. not beng looking enuff? hehe.. maybe..
watching a recorded ep of "firefly's dream". a guy was caught red-handed, cheating on a schger. she returned home, n broke down. her mum tried consoling her.
it reminds mi of my past... not sure if i blogged abt it. a guy mesmerised mi. we went out for a wk. after tat, we broke up. i went home n stared into blank. my mum, den said, if u got any prob, jus say out.. dun keep inside.. it's really touching..
but then, if parents are more open minded, i could really have told her abt my probs.. instead of relying on myself, n attempting suicide..
actually, i oso wonder, if i din commit suicide, cos i'm scaredy, or i sudenly din feel the worth to die, or something spiritual was pulling mi back.. i dunno.. cos until nw, i duno wat stopped mi. i oni rmb, i wanna jump onto the road just as a car is approaching. but suddenly, a voice in my head shouted, "NO! i dun want to die!"...
==========
anyway, that was the past. in the ep, oso got a scene.. a beng jus finished his shower and walked out in his pants oni. haah... the funny thing is, i din feel like snapping him. not no body or too fat, but jus din feel anything for him.. not beng looking enuff? hehe.. maybe..
Monday, March 05, 2007
had a wonderful session of catching up wif my old time frn... hwahah.. old time..
it's really enjoyable man!! we mit once a while, exchange our ideas n wits.. really enjoyable... good buddy :)
n ppl.. who have a rounded figure really look much better after they slim down.. nah, not toking abt my buddy.. other than his slimmer waist, every bit of him did not change. physically.
i am toking abt his kid bro. dun worry, no interest in him.. or.. not yet? :P anyway, his bro looks better after his jogging regime. slimmed down n looks of a better size. not a big size person anymore. oh.. watching how they bicker really envies urs truly.. my buddy keep putting his kid down, n the poor kid had to fend for himself.
n now den i realise how loud some locally produced Ts can b!! ahah, it's really for the kids born after the 90s! daring to say wat's on ur mind, daring to challenge, n daring to b wat u r, and daring to project an image thats truly u..
i thot "miso honi", "jus say no to (ass) crack", and "you know you want it" are very loud.. gosh, dinno there were "everyone loves an asian boy" "dun tell mi u know my boss" "mensuck" "pls tell ur pants it is not polite to point".. i had a good luff man!
===============
luckily, i took leave on the next day.. so tat no need to work so hard.. n true enuff, i got a sore throat lol.. from excess drinking (i din get drunk though, jus tipsy).. i dun think junk food got me down. i had 2 glasses of vodka lemonade n 1 hoe-garden beer.. whooooahh...burning...
haha.. after drinking a bit, i even felt my nipples erecting siazz.. so darn honry.
n now, i'm home.. doing some work.. my leave is just to let mi take a break, as i knw i surely go crazy last night.. n the hell i did.. hwaaha... i was even visually molested by my buddy... sobzz...
hahaha... when i was tryin some new tops, i signalled which rm i was in, so tat he can find mi. the room is covered only by a curtain. n knw wat, he came over, pull the curtain! wahaha... n said "wat a turn off".. i responded "i dun have to turn u on".
it's really enjoyable man!! we mit once a while, exchange our ideas n wits.. really enjoyable... good buddy :)
n ppl.. who have a rounded figure really look much better after they slim down.. nah, not toking abt my buddy.. other than his slimmer waist, every bit of him did not change. physically.
i am toking abt his kid bro. dun worry, no interest in him.. or.. not yet? :P anyway, his bro looks better after his jogging regime. slimmed down n looks of a better size. not a big size person anymore. oh.. watching how they bicker really envies urs truly.. my buddy keep putting his kid down, n the poor kid had to fend for himself.
n now den i realise how loud some locally produced Ts can b!! ahah, it's really for the kids born after the 90s! daring to say wat's on ur mind, daring to challenge, n daring to b wat u r, and daring to project an image thats truly u..
i thot "miso honi", "jus say no to (ass) crack", and "you know you want it" are very loud.. gosh, dinno there were "everyone loves an asian boy" "dun tell mi u know my boss" "mensuck" "pls tell ur pants it is not polite to point".. i had a good luff man!
===============
luckily, i took leave on the next day.. so tat no need to work so hard.. n true enuff, i got a sore throat lol.. from excess drinking (i din get drunk though, jus tipsy).. i dun think junk food got me down. i had 2 glasses of vodka lemonade n 1 hoe-garden beer.. whooooahh...burning...
haha.. after drinking a bit, i even felt my nipples erecting siazz.. so darn honry.
n now, i'm home.. doing some work.. my leave is just to let mi take a break, as i knw i surely go crazy last night.. n the hell i did.. hwaaha... i was even visually molested by my buddy... sobzz...
hahaha... when i was tryin some new tops, i signalled which rm i was in, so tat he can find mi. the room is covered only by a curtain. n knw wat, he came over, pull the curtain! wahaha... n said "wat a turn off".. i responded "i dun have to turn u on".
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