interesting day..

lol.. i went swimming today.. haha.. got those kids practising their swim in pyjamas. den 1 boy.. sticking his back to the wall in pool, was practising, i think, breathing. the funny thing is, he lifted himself in n out of water to practise.. as a result, when he sinks into water, his pyjamas top was lifted by the water to his armpit level.. wahhaa.. tis ahppen whenever he sink into water siazz.. when i swam to his direction, i find it so funny.. so enticing!! almost like a strip tease whahah..

later on, went to have haircut.. my poor cute stylist chamzz.. he was late for work, n his boss kept complaining to mi abt hwo late he's, n how time-unconscious he is.. den.. wah liao.. backstabbing? even the auntie who enjoy toking to him when i went there last mth, oso spoke bad abt him.. kauzz

when he arrived, he told them he dreamt of something.. i dunno if true anot.. wahha.. most likely jus to simmer everyone.. when he came to do my hair, i chatting a bit wif him.. den when he was washing my hair... wah liao.. i felt so good LOL.. cos he was rubbing my cheeks siazz.. dunno y.. wah, felt SO nice.. n nw his hair color back to black color.. n he asked mi wat i think of his color nw.. i was thinking... den he say "i din haev time to do my hair so..." i den said "both look good ;) " den he luffed his head off n commented "i sure knw how to say good things"

den hor, while doing my hair, he was leaning over mi.. wah.. i felt so much like hugging him siazz!! but chamzz.. cos we were chatting, n he IS doing my hair, his boss came over n commented "wah.. slow motion hor?" sighzz.. i even apologised to him siazz.. but 1 nice thing is, i telling him my plan to start going gym in coming mths, mayb nov or dec (after i'm confirmed for the job lah).. he say he oso thnking of going.. to those govt places.. u knw.. those SSC type.. $2.50 kind. i told him those jus simple 1s.. i intend to go those wif swimming, gym, sauna, n steamroom.. he immeidately say "wah, that's wat i wanna try oso".. n den he suggested mi buying those protein powder to drink.. to gain mass..

but.. i oredi thinking of how to bring a guest into the gym thing.. u rmb? i mentione abt my spa thing.. i think i probably will sign up soon.. den bring guest in LOL.. OH MY GAWD!

den hor, wah.. tis time i cut to short hair.. n realised tat.. long hair make mi smart looking.. short hair cute. esp when my hair was done wif black color, i felt like a sec boy.. whaha.. den when my hair got highlight, i realy dunno wat category i'm in.. but i really look young boy siazz wif tis short hair..

den i went to join my frns for ICE-SKATING! so shuang!!! i particularly loved speed!! but i cant control it.. den saw a few cute guys.. n 1... yes 1 yandao guy wif his gf.. my frns r from my workplc.. wif 1 ger who is streetwise.. tis ger seem observant of mi siazz... her words soemtimes seem to hint @ my orientation.. but well, i din react 2 much..

but INTERESTING!!.. my hair is short liao n i wearing attitude pattern T shirt n back pants.. den while skating, 1.. sec or jc or poly guy (tat age range) skated near mi n said "boy, ur shoelace"... WAH!! he call mi boy???!?!?! i was practically stunned!!

den.. wks back, the whole team had a lunch meeting wif our BIG BOSS.. the director of our dept. during the meeting, every1 raised ideas n feedback on wat they felt abt everything. i oso said my pc. the boss den said i can email him to give the feedback..

i thot it was nice to give the feedback, but thot nothing of it. but my proj lead encourge mi. so tdy, i decided to send out, to boss, CC proj lead n supervisor.. wahaha... after sending, my proj lead was happy n told everyone the news. she oso encourage every1 to bring up more ideas. n said, other than bringing up, we have to make sure we get the mgmt to see the NEED to implement it n see tat it happens.

n u know wat?

my upperstudy den replied, yes we have to let the mgmt see where we are coming from, and why is there such a need to implement it, and she oso ask who can we channel such suggestions to...

wah liao, i can see tat she's trying to gain some points for herself! rite after i sent out my ideas, she gave such a response. this kind of meeting is held monthly 1 loh.. n she beeen theer 4 mths more than mi.. she shld oredi have some ideas to give..

but anyway, ... haizzz... (i realyl sighed)... i staying put for the pay. if nt, i may have left the company or soemthing.. i wanan make my mark. i decided liao. i will do my best. n unless they dun wan mi, i wun think of leaving at all..

wow.

nw my upperstudy is really giving mi headaches.. ummm.. am i really such a pain as a colelague? as a teammate?

well, jus nw, the upperstudy told mi off... in front of other colleagues in office, she questioned how long i've been working on an issue... she even mentioned since 3 wks back. i really hate it. she's pinning the blame on mi!

this prob occurred 2-3 wks back yes. on 19th sept to b exact. over days, i solved the it. den as we exploring the data, ensuring integrity, saw some glitches, n over days, i cant resolve, so she helped. ok, thx for tat. we put up the file for testing. this prob was resolved.

however, as she explored, she found a dead link. she wanted mi to resolve it. tis link, well, is quite problematic, as the data file is quite messy n i need time to understand it better. so she wanna mi resolve it. i did it, but due to MISCOMMUNICATION, the files were kinda mixed up.. or something. i dunno wat happened oso.

she den grumbled n told mi to jus make the changes and send to testing again. it seems to be working fine. so i went home. den tis monday (25th sept), she found soemthing wrong n emailed to my office account. umm.. i forgot when she emailed. but i was nt in office at all.. i think it's tuesday. cos jus nw we arguing abt the time frame i took.

she said the whole of tis wk used up for this issue. den i argued back, saying i oni started on wednesday. she den chk back the email.. but come on, monday, i on urgent leave. tues i at home doing testing. wednesday noon den got back. how am i supposed to start?? wah liao...

she den said she may try to hlp later.. while i continue my checking. DEN, my supervisor wanna assign mi some tasks while she n sup discussing. den she stopped him, saying i still resolving a prob. somehwo, i feel tat at that instance, she's badmouthing mi. it cld my prejudice, i dun deny.

later, i asked her for a contact's number. i thot it shld b faster if she knew it n gave mi. she say it's in the docu. ok, i found it.. but i cant contact the person, so i asked for the mobile. den, i dunno wat she heard.. she was frustrated n told mi the contact's desk number. i told her i found it oredi.

i oso tried asking her something whcih i.. have always wanted to knw but she nvr managed to understand my pt n kept emphasizing that she dun think the contacts will knw as well. but today i ask again, she still cant gimme the ans. n still say, she dun thin contact will know. but i managed to call the contact.. n YES, i knw more abt how the system works. it seems that, the contact is better able to understand my qn n answer mi properly. but the upperstudy keep telling mi abt the programming point of view (ie, making things work). but wat i MUS n NEED to knwo is the business rules, and how the system actually works! our coding can help to make things work, but i need to knwo if wat i am doing is according to the rule!

later in the day, i told her tat i managed to resolve the issue temporarily. i admitted it, cos there are some things tat i need to research on. but i think her mind is having thots tat i imitating her, as she once told mi she implemented a temp soln too. den she got pissed, n ranted on..

when i told her the results of my investigations, she doubted mi (cos she nvr did detailed exploring, but i did, when i was testing my results) n pull back some old files. but gosh, she pulled back old files, n still claimed she din see the results of my work. OF COS! i merely told her str8, the change was there when i uploaded my file.

sighzz.. jus my luck to have her as my teammate, a high flyer, who expects efficiency as the key. she is an independent person who does things her way. i've prob clicking wif her.

lol.. long time no first-timers comment on my pg.. saw it, n decided to respond.. to show it's an active blog :P

umm... how does he knw abt castaway blog? n how did he find my pg??

my spelling innovative meh? lol.. more to jus typing watewver i wan n dun bother correcting the mistakes, cos its simply my most natural side ;) y bother making it look/sound nice/perfect when i'm supposed to b totally relaxed n b myself here? wahaha..

umm... actually i wonder.. wat makes a company wanna confirm a staff position..

when he manages to keep up wif the speed of the company progress?

when he manages to do things within his scope?

for mi, well.. my 3mth is almost up (i start work on 3rd jul. by rite, 3rd oct is 3 mths old). i... oso... start to wonder will tis company confirm mi anot..

i got 50% confidence... or... 75?

i came here due to my SCJP ability. since first mth, i have been able to churn out the pages required by me. i managed to setup a new system for testing within a shorter time than they expected. seem like my java skills r undoubted. my office pc is slow and slow. but my boss since 1.5 mths back has been asking mi to put up a request to buy a new system so tat it's fast enuff.. even until nw, she still say so. well, true, she cld b jus requesting to get a new PC, for whoever might come in later.

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den, wat makes a company dun wan confirm a staff? his attitude? his abilities? his integrating wif the company culture? umm perhaps...

===============

so wat makes mi so not sure of my position?

i am good in java. den, 1 mth after i came in here, i was told to pick up PERL (caps to emphasize i'm surprised at the lang i need to pick up). PERL is oh-so-diff from the usual languages that i know of... i was pretty resistent to it, cos
1) it's a new language n so text based.
2) tat's not wat i came here for!!
3) i dinno i had to pick it up
4) there is nothing for mi to try out on!! PERL depends on a server, but the server... i dunno how to manipulate.. or rather, no way to manipulate it at all..

but knowing the language will really help a lot in my work, cos, NOW, we r using it in our apps, and FUTURE oso using.. at least near future (2 yrs time) will. however, i'm having serious problems wif it.. cos, its not simple read n get input. it's oso.. connecting and linking to various files.. and some actions n interpretation of certain codes... i realy have problem following it...

tat's y i duno whether i can make it anot...

ok.. ytday, i took urgent leave to do my asgt... den today (tues), after i got to office, i greeted my boss, n she chatted wif mi. den she got to knw of my home PC config.. n decided to send mi home to do testing.. i was stunned... haha..

ok.. my pt here is, nw tat i have more tiem on hand (yes, nw at work got bit more time) so i took some docu home to read up. den as i reading, i thot of more n more scenarios tat my upperstudy actually play mi out... for eg, .. or 2 egs:

1) 1 time, we need to do soem backend processing. the process usually takes 12 hrs.. we started at 9am. ao, abt 7+, when my upperstudy confirmed it will take longer time (means, it wun finish at 7+), i went home first. the next day, i went to office, n check on the status. it seems to have finished a part so i ask her if shld do the next step.

her reply?

"no need, i did already".

2) we need to do a mthly report generation. so on e wk tat we shld generate the report, i was bz, n decided to do next wk. DEN, next wk, i admitted to her saying "aiyo, last wk forgot to do the report.."

her reply? (guessed it?)

"no need, i generated already".

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wah liao!! hey, its my first time u know!!! u shld b guiding mi siaz!

to mi, she seems more of an independent worker, who prefer to do thigns all by herself so tat she dun need to co-ord wif any1.. everytime she does thigns, she jus do without informing..

i thinkking of telling her, cos i oso working on the proj, it's better to keep mi informed on wat files were modified.. especially those tat i touched b4.. but i feel tat, she will reply "u dunno the system tat well yet..."

nw, i can oni depend on my OWN effort..

lol.. somehow i think i'm addicted to masturbating...

u know.. or rather guys know, masturbation leads to getting physiologically high. it makes someone forget unhappiness n indulges in tat temporary enjoyable moment.

does it sound like smoking? cigarettes, cigar..

tat's why i say i'm addicted. smokers tend to smoke when they are stressed to relieve it. for mi, when i stress n wana escape reality, i resort to masturbation. but later, i still return to the real world..

can you believe it?

for 2 wks, including wkends, i din sleep on my bed. i had work stuff to do at home. so i forced myself to wake up in e mid of the night. i realised tat i cant do so if i lie on the bed. i will jus doze off, n wun bother to wake up even wif an alarm...

so i forced myself to sit on my armchair n rest... so tat, when the alarm goes off, i will wake up, cos it's not comfy to rest in chair. it was really tough.. i dun have enuff sleep.. n yawned frequently.

den... yesteryda, the workload has finally got lighter :)... and for yesteryda, i finally had the chance to go on my bed to rest...

and... as i rested on my bed, i really felt i missed my bed a million!! i missed its support, its firmness, its comfort, the wide space on which i can roll about, and its gentle touch... i really felt i din rest on my bed for a long long time.. it was really a hard period! having to rest ont he chair n not touching my bed at all.. upon tis, i wept..can anyone understand how it felt???

i really wonder...

did i lose my troubleshooting skills?

cos... while fixing a perl script jus now, i found out where it went wrong.. somehow, something jus is not working rite.. i cant fix it. den my upperstudy came over (i asked her ot help), n saw the problem. well, she simply made a new routine to process tis additional condition...

umm... let's say, if tis is a java file, i will probably... knw where it went wrong... n suggest to make a new method? probably...

but for tis perl, i'm not familiar enuff to decide on making a new routine.. but well, i guess it all jus boils down to making things work. going by tis direction, i shld knw wat needs to be changed..

i need to finish blogging in 10 mins time.. den rush off to work..

damn it, another back stab by upperstudy..

wah liao, 2 thigns i wanna get off my chesT!

1) i started learning perl oni when i came into the office.. count from end jul. i dunno when she gave mi perl codes from our program to test out.. probably in end jul oso. from then till nw, my knwledge of PERL is jus so basic n so untrained. n yet, at tis time, she wanna mi debug perl script in days?? n, this perl script the data is stored in server, nt in our side! it's so hard to debug.. wah liao!

2) today, there was 2 issue on production side. she came over n told mi abt them. 1 she elaborated. 1 she jus mentioned the problem and whihc file. so, i did the first 1. den i jump to 2nd 1. but 2nd 1, i dun have details, so i ask her for them. she came over, n insisted she gave mi oredi. n claimed tat i typed out in my notepad (yes, my practice is type out things inside notepad) but probably deleted away. n exclaimed "kevin!! ai.."

and all these r done while the team lead is around!

i thot i might really have deleted away. but i dun think it's possible...

n den, when she gave mi the details, i AM 100% sure tat she din tell mi anything at all. cos i nvr saw those things b4! she later said, she might as well email mi in future... my thots: yes, it;s much better. thanks a lot!

updates..

i've discussed my work situation wif my sis... sianzz.. i feel tat, i've just stepped in the company, n kena some silent politics wif my upperstudy.. well, i jus wanna do my best at work n contribute to the company. but somehow.. she dun like dat..

imagine.. i was idle for 2 wks, and after tat, she den gave mi the docu abt our ssytem to read up. n tis docu is in shared drv.. why the hell did she give mi oni 2 wks later, when i was swamped wif work??

den.. tis wk (starting 11 sept), i need to work on xml and xsd codes for our new system. she has been working on the xsd n xml for wks b4 tis wk, cos tat's her role: to play around wif it. den i need to modify an existing script's code that will translate the original doc to our required format (its work concerns, so i cant mention the specific stuff). tis 1, i tried to convert... first time dun work, so i work hard to find out the reason. 2 days later, i cant. i got prob.

i wnana edit the code, den she say i acnt jus change like dat.. den i stuck liao.. no matter how i do the conversion, the document cant b opened directly. i thot of changing the conversion code so tat the conversion is smoother, but i was OF COS wrong. it's too complicated to be understood. i just touched perl for wks.. maybe abt 5-6. n i am debugging a perl script. WOAH... of cos i cant make it.

end up teh script got more complicated. sianzz.. i den checked with her... she den said, she got an UPDATED XSD file. n sent mi. i took it, n managed to get the XML to work better...

n later, i asked wat files do i need to translate, den the sup reminded her to send it over. but sup ended up sending.

n... i had to work OT over the wkend to finish the job. n lol.. somethign interesting happened... 1 bzbody bitch (proj lead role) saw mi stay back for the night, n saw mi in morning again. so i told her i slept in office for the night. she den went to tell other sups tat i work over the nigte. even my boss came to show concern. lol.. when my sup came, i felt the need to explain.. cos, it reflects BADLY on mi, if i work over the night, but no result is evident. n i really did not work over the nite. the sup was stuned... den when i told him the truth, he felt better..

den.. over the wkend, i realise tat.. the upperstudy's part was CRUCIAL to my success!!! wat the conversion does is jus tat. to convert documents. but the upperstudy's work determines if the file can be opened successfully.... sighzzz... i can oni depend on myself.. REALLY..

getting more emotional

n these days, i realise i'm really getting pretty emotional.. outta emotions, i can understand why ppl do certain things.. n my tears start flooding my eyes...

havign someone in my thots

doing OT now.. n listening to mp3... Mariah's "We belong together"

hearing the ending part "when you left, I lost a part of me. It's still so hard to believe".... reminded mi of someone... gues who?

my murderer...

gosh.. PERL is really a hell of tuff codes... all those special patterns r killing mi..

my team (mi, upperstudy n team lead) has a meeting 2 days back. to decide how to modify a script so tat it can adjust to our new system. my lead said "dun worry, u r still new kid on the block.. dun expect u to fully understand the picture now.."

i felt re-assured.. at least i knw he understands it can b hard to understand the architecture.. n not think my progress is slow.. but i feel i'm... u know the reason..

BUT, jus now, during a training session wif client, my boss came beside mi, n ask how i was coping.. i said "ok lah.." she asked "u sure?" den i say "just the perl script is giving mi headache..." she then mentioned mi some mentors who i can look for if i got prob

after tis line, i begin to wonder.. if someone u employed is supposed to do a task (javva), but end up having to focus on another task (perl), n he's having prob wif it, is it better to find another person to take it up (bene here for almost 3 mths), or keep pushing him for the "another task"?

i wonder if, her line meant good.. ie if i got prob, i can look them up.. OR telling mi to buck up.. or else.. her tone is more to care n concern, not threatening or disappointed type

jus tat ,i can see for myself, for java stuff, i totally no prob. but for perl, i need to train real hard.. while i'm doing my asgt... sighzz

it's hard.. to work,..

monday blues.. m i getting it? really a bad workday of my career...

at the production area (money making side), got some prob n i had to re-do my stuff to fix the prob. den later, i was discussing wif my upperstudy abt the prob, but she dun get my point, n kept iterating hers.

den in morning, wow, din expect myself to finish reading my papers in 1 hr siazz... so little news meh? n been working too hard, i develop headache.. but din tell any1.

got lotsa things to do in 1 day, but i managed to finish them properly.

however, wat made my day bad/sad is, my upperstudy once again betrayed mi. last fri, she ask mi send her a file tat contains all the formatting. but she again said she din recv. i am stunned.

den.. i been trying to hook up openoffice for wks, but got bugs, or maybe it's not suited for the tasks i assigning it. in end, my team gave up on it. i..knw i din really put in 100% effort, cos i basically duno much things.. n realise i actually been turning in rounds. but i am really not feeling gd when they jus scrapped OO away.. when i felt, if given more time, i can do something...

so end up ,i need to do modify pieces of perl code whcih i nvr saw b4... n i merely touched perl for 2 mths.

m i not being exploited for wat i'm good at? i love java n programming.. but til now, my scope has been 20% on java 50% perl, n 30% on the.. OO thingy. i knw its good exposure.. but i m having hard time wif it... sighzzz..

y i din update for ages

a close frn recently msn mi, wanna chat wif mi.. but i left abruptly, he den grumbled tat we din get to tok much.. n i din update my blog often oso..

well, sad to say, i din have time to do those thigns... really.. this period of time, i'm really damn damn darn caught up wif my asgt n catchign up @ work..

not havign a relaxing time.. nt tat the honeymoon period is gone.. i dun enjoy honeymoon anyway. nt a nice period to get over.. esp when u got nothing to read up, jus sitting there to kill time. but it's cos.. of being overloaded wif tasks...

it's not an enjoyable time.. the catching up n understanding of the wat's required n duties @ work, i'm ok, but need time to catch up. cos.. due to some mis-arrangement, documentation abt proj, additional tasks, troubleshooting all came together.. pressing on mi.. den.. oso got asgts coming, or dropping from sky, n we need to do a proposal for a new system.

tuff luck.. wa'ts hard is.. abt the new system, due to asgt, i din have enuff time to read n thus i quite blur at start. but somehow i managed to realise wat's required of mi. but.. as fate may decree.. my upper study kinda mis-led mi (tat wat i feel.. perhaps lack of chemistry n understanding?) n i strayed into doing something tat ended up 2 b futile. so right now, i dun really knw wat's exactly need of mi to chk on. i feel i;m the bottleneck. but i realyl felt misled.. cos, during 1 meeting, upperstudy said i din pass her the file yet. so later i sent her, she den say it's nt wat she want. she told mi to copy her contents n use it. so i did. next meeting, she again said i din send her yet. i was STUNNED. so i asked her wat file she exactly wan. she say she wan the file to b exactly like wat she sent mi...

gosh, how am i supposed to get it?? i even told my supervisor, i think i losing my direction in the proj. i knw it's ok to say so.. cos the programign side, i've been ok, but in tis proj, i knw i fail some ppl's expectations. but somehow, i feel the upperstudy is.. trying to obstruct my progress at times..

cos.. when i got there, i managed to solve a bug tat irritated them till they had to get additional head count to kill it. within 1 wk. they were troubling over it u know? den, they wanna setup a linux system to test something.. i managed to set it up in 2 wks. all done within timeframe. but durignt is time, upperstudy shld b sharing wif mi, on how the proj is abt n its directions. but since then, for 2 wks, she din tell mi anything. i been asking her on alternate days, but she keep saying she busy. so i been staring into blank.

den u know wat? she later sent mi the link to the shared folder, where the docu of the proj is kept. soft copy. at that time, i was thinking "since it';s shared ALREADTY, why not jus lemme have it donkey time ago??" i canread it n raise any concerns!!! oni when i got busy, den she passed mi the docu. wat worse, days later, while doing a task, she asked "u haven read the docu yet ah? the things u asking mi actually inside docu.."

alright... nvm.. have to do wat i can..

recent news

for days, or weeks, i've been knockign off from work late.. from 8+ to 11pm. sighzz.. tired..

n den, jus nw on my way to class, i find tat i'm really... desperate for guys.. desperate for good bodies to play wif, n for fingers n tongues on me. well.. jus nw i was at my aunt plc, cos singnet guy going there to fix WLAN for her. i was thnking wat kinda guy will b there.

den... a guy knocked on the door.. he's got a beng face, n hair (style, not color), his body is those 30+ yo type. den i thot, how come my aunt got tis guy fixing her WLAN, but mine is a 40+yo ah peh guy?? wif tis beng guy, if nt for my aunt, i could b standing beside him while he setting up WLAN, n mayb tease him a bit n massage him? but he's married. when he mi n aunt r discussing thigns, we did exchange glances. but tat's all. n well, due to tis reaction of mine, i conclude, i'm really desperate for guys...

n i realise again... i'm really getting honry... cos once again, if any guy jus came up to mi, as long he lookable.. i ok 1. but.. well it's my despo side.. i dun wan to jus.. do it... when i cant think properly...

anyway, i was sent tis website... the guy has a pretty hot n good body.. but i totally dun like his hair do.. those.. strands of hair hanging in front. n some pix, he looks better.. frnlier.. outta these, hottest picture inside.. enjoy..

it's really been a stressing and tiring week...

juggling between completing asgts on time n getting used to workload. cos, nw i finalyl got the chance to do more things at work which r productive.. productive as in i can see the fruit of my work being seen n put to use.. but had to put in extra hrs at times to get things to work.

nw i oso understand how tuff n tiring it's to work n study at the same time. imagine: when doing my asgt, i made myself either sleep @ 11+ wake 3am, or sleep 2+ n den wake for work. as a result, i m not convinced tat i did well for my asgt... sianzz.. wonder if tis means, taking a toll on my health.. but i'm still going strong..

den ytyda, i again went for haircut... that cute hairstylist i showed him the wedding pic.. liao.. i had wanted him to scroll the pix himself.. den see how he respond when see my taking off pic.. but in end, i scroll the pix for him.. but well, i'm happ tat he sittign beside mi to see the pic.. n when he doing my hair, stood in such way tat,. his small T shirt giving way between shirt opening n his pants.. wah.. i felt like sliding my hands inside siaz!!! n when he's doing my hair.. i felt so... relaxing lol...

den.. today got 1 guy doing check on pub meters. haha.. my family closed the door on him. well, 2 bad he dun look nice.. if not, i will entertain him..

n well, nw my studies load getting heavier... n cos my asgt was due soon, i hadt o focus on my asgt.. den.. i was split into 2.. n i realise i din manage to perform good enuff at work. din have time to read up properly on wat's required for work..