my sup has been working here for 4 yrs. by rite, 4 yrs shld b experienced. n he's been dealing wif projects n clients. by my sense, he shld know tat info cannot be assumed, and muz b certified (verbal, or written) by client to b correct. n shld have a "best way" to do things.. but then.. how come, the info he pass mi 1, he everytime say "it's not correct.. info has updated, have to change".. happen a few times oredi.."

when discussing details, he say "these follow the excel file". but when get discrepancies, he think think "this 1 can use tat info". but i.. reminded him.. tat we can chk wif the client first. den... cos we dealing wif db, using diff pc, i even had to sugges to him, tat we mayb find a central db server, so tat no need to port database everytime.. he say "yes, it's a very gd idea"...

===========

i got 1 interview for system analyst. he tested mi on my tech knowhow n said i'm ok. but when it comes to gathering reqmt, i need to buck up.. n price wise, i'm cheap. so now, mainly depends on wat they think of mi loh.. he did oso say tat i'm not exactly who they finding.. but may still gimme it a shot. n 1 more thing, they said, they wun confirm so fast.. tis sounds to mi "50% chance tat i probably wun b shortlisted" or "they really taking their time to source for ppl".

==========

i dun wanna make it obvious.. so, hopefully can find a new job during my study wk. if not... i think may really need to take some MCs liao to go interviews... if during probation cannot get any job offer, i guess its fated......

jus bitching here..

1) after claiming to know human behaviour n supposed to b practising gd time mgmt, y do ppl still do things at last min, n blast off when something SEEMS to be wrong? i upload our apps to the system, den sup need to demo to client, so tried to use it. suddenyl cannot use?!?! he den ask "u din update the xml file ah?". i was den.. wondering how come he blurted out that line siazz.. i know he's busy, but cant he manage time better? instead of last min rushing to finalise the preparation of a demo? i know he din really mean any harm, such as trying to put mi down or b judgemental. but jus find it.. a poor mgmt of time.

he even say, he oso dunu like last min. but last min dun oni apply to last min work passed on, but oso to various arrangements, to avoid any fluster in the process.. cos in a rush for time, u lose ur EQ and ur thinking n proper analysis... u tend to think GOOD of ur work, n criticise others'. n this time, he did miss out certain things, tat y din work.

2) a job agent cork up her timing, end up tmr's interview postponed. n when i told her my during prob n after, she commented its low.

3) the fat guy in my office, is giving 1 mth notice liao. somehow, i feel tat tis place got high turnover rate oso. tis place started in 2002. over these yrs, oni 1 guy stayed till now. all others have left.. how i know? 'cos the fat guy work for near 1 yr oni, den the snr work for 4yrs. so?

side issue: hahah.. somehwo i know y tech ppl "need to communicate". my sup sometimes, jus speak out wat's on his mind. din bother to rephrase in a general manner. he tells mi directly the instructions of our clients, without digesting n phrasing in his own way. telling by the way the info is stored in his mind. den when it comes to mi, i digest.. n elaborate... den he say "ya, tat's rite". n as programmers, we use our brains more often. n we have our own way of understanding. n soemtimes, when we jus pass teh info to ppl, we use this understanding of ours to tok wif ppl.. hahah.. expecting them to know wat is oredi in our mind.. lol..

another frn of mine, 50+, in IT line. he oso... tok a lil, n hope the msg gets thru by "tak tak tak" sounds. haha... n he's not local, from swiss. dunno if tis affects. when he speaks first time, n his idea is not passed thru, he get slightly agitated n tries hard to explain properly.. haha..

4) after doing 4 yrs equivalent of proj, is it still normal for a team lead (my sup) to accept outdated data? cos.. the info passed to mi 2 mths back. den now, he chk wif the client again, seem like the info gotten then was outdated. we need to update the database wif an excel tat was sent to us.. umm, is it supposed to happen?? n oso, he din do any data-integrity chk on the excel. since i been doing the db, to hasten things up, he can ask mi chk integrity first... sighzz

this week.. for a whopping 9 days... i've been having a diff lease of life.. i've cut down on tose crusing n focussing on knowing new guys/gays. more of focussing on knowing new frns.

as fate/luck may decide, i got 1 asgt wchib i really dunno how to do. den, i was intro'ed to a study group for this asgt. it's formed/.. or planned by a gal. i almost saw no pt in going. but well.. for the sake of doing well, i still went for it. i felt.. awkward n kinda uncomfy to contact a ger for meeting details siazz.. at the plc, i contacted her, n met her up.

to my surprise, there's a cute guy wif her!!! n the 3 of us hit off pretty well... esp wif the guy!! on our first meet, i n he got some chemistry n i even hi5 wif him siazz.. it felt gd. it's really fun n nice toking to him.. we exchanged msn in no time. den i even took the chance to pat his shoulders/back from time to time.. well, frnliness to some extent lah.

den over the wk, we still met up for discussions.. it's really nce.. everyday i;ll see him.. he's photogenic, n wif his hairstyle, n smile, he's charmingly cute in person.. n wif his chatty nature, it's.. jus so nice we can chat a lot.. n he's outgoing, nh thru him n tat ger, i got to know a couple of frns oso.. staerting to build some outta-circle frns.. it';s nice.. it's based on frnship. not based on "ts guy is cute" or "i wanna get close wif him" thots. frnship seems to be building up.. n i m making a cute frn as a chatty pal...

no wonder.. some ppl say, they have a cute frn.. but too bad, see no touch.. haha.. n he's kinda innocent.. in the sense, he dun think too much into ppl's response.. whcih is quite nice loh.. unlike mi, think a lot n so much.. unless it looks odd, he usually dun thin 2 much

we been meeting almost everyday to discusss asgt. n wow.. i'm glad i can b close to him n guide him along siazz!! cos some qns i did liao, i know ans. den i explain to him.. felt nice to be close to him. in fact, we spent 1 hr sitting togeter... jus mi n him haha..

but dunno wat happened.. maybe some.. bias? he wanna mit up next day to discuss again. n he's joining 2 frns to do it. i asked to go.. he's ok. den i ask him chk wif his frns.. those 2 frns, r from my other class. they know mi.. 1-2 times toking liao. but after tat "ask", no response at all.. it makes mi think .. after they added m on msn, they... dun feel gd abt mi anymore.. esp the ger.. i can see tat she liked mi. but after the msn.. ahha.. she grew DISTANT.

haha.. oh ya, i n the charming guy, we chatted on msn.. he saw mi msn pic, n ask mi change it.. cos he DETEST such muscle guy pix hahah.. i teased him abt it, but he buay song. den he send mi 1 pic to use... haha.. well, to appease him.. i used tat pic/. he thot i into muscle guys.. n ask mi go WWE download. oh well.. den we met again to discuss asgt.. i cant feel any.. distance from him siazz. n ju snow, he still having prob wif his asgt, ask mi for help.. i said "i help u, how u gonna repay mi?" hahaha.. he was giggling siazz..

until now, oni my campmate (my ns understudy) so qiao in my class.. knows i enjoy toking wif him a lot. n it feels gd oso.. when he call to ask mi for help haha.. i dun mind spending time helping him..

den tok abt work. now, i'm using my SCJP cert to secure tis job. but the pay is low. den, by rite. this fri, i'll have an interview for a J2EE job. tis job chimzz siazz.. even need to take a test to maybe certify. umm.. i was thinking.. will my J2ee notes help mi secure the job?

once again, by going for interviews, i can know my mart rate.. den during my confirmation interview, i perhaps can ask for more pay.

oh..if things go well, i'm havign some plans in mind abt my future.. including singing in pubs, taking up language courses, saving money for ... trips, volunteering my services, n going gym to tone my body up...

tis wk of guess3 got lesboz appearing.. of cos as "gers who look like guys". wah... some r really good looking siazz.. 1 is a basketball player, national some mroe. 1 can do 1 arm pushups.. cool.. den got 1 male student judge. not on time to take his act cute pic lah

i realise tat, the 3 mth prob, other than determining if u suit e comp n vice versa (i finally am in such a position to say tis, instead of merely "if u can integrate wif the comp policies"), it's also a period tat employers dun wna u to source for other jobs.. cos, u dun have any LVE to take at all... unless u take MC lah..

for mi, i'm sourcing other jobs, n if no job get mi yet, i.. guess.. i stay on. but if someone start looking for new job, wat's the probability tat he wun jump ship?

======

wondering if there's an aspect of mine which needs serious improvement.. jus now, 1 staff ask a snr staff whether something will be stored permanently in memory while prpgramm running. i was typing away at my pc.. n overheard the subj. n i decided to chup in. they were thinking for secs, n i suggested they can store in session variable.. haha.. the jnr (not jnr to mi, but to the snr) den.. (haha, i think he's EQ unstable type.. the normal person who do things by his emotions) den the jnr diam diam, n try to do his own way still n proclaim "den like tis still can rite?".. i din say further n moved back to my seat.

den snr ask if any1 wanna bfast. i exclaimed "no thx, had mine.. but if u treat, i go". a while later, they went for bfast. i din join. ya i know it's a good time to join them cos i nothing to do. but.. i really dun see the need/pt. over 2 mths, din really find a common topic to tok.. usually, they chat soemthing, i luff it off; i ask soemthing, i chip in; or i say soemthing, den someone try to reply in humourous way.. haha...

basically, there's nothing much to keep mi here.. oni "i been doing tis proj for 2 mths n know soem info". prev'ly, still had 2 reasons. 1 being can see a cute guy on my bus almost everyday, 2 being my office is near the mgmt level guy.. but both r leaving in jun.. wel, these jus side reasons lah.. not impt 1.

================

above post was done days back till now. today is 25/5/06. jus had a chat wif... or rather a discussion wif my sup. i initiated it, to resolve any conflicts n misunderstanding btwn us. after tis, we had a better understanding of each other, or rather, he understood mi better. perhaps i have more free time, so i am better able to reflect on wat happened during 2 mths, while he is more focussed on work.. but the discussion was nice... i dunno if it's gonna b good yet.

we resolved most issues... den he told mi, we r still lagging behind a lot. n he is still grooming mi.. but in fact, i dun need any honeymoon.. i even asked if he got anything for mi to do.. he say he is still arranging... oh well... i jus take now as a relax period..

sianzz.. how come, in places where i.. in my prev job, i had some grouses abt work. now, i work for 1.5 mths lioa. n oso got grouses.. is it normal??

ytday the sup work overnight. when i came in, he told mi to be more careful when checking the database. he jus generally tell mi oni. so i ask for details. den i know y.

when i check on DB, i cnanot find a exact match for an item. i oso removed non keywords. still cannot find. so i told him. he say he'll highlight to the client. den jus now, he said he did a check himself. n found tat a lot of data is inside oredi. not missing at all. n he told mi that, under ALt field, it oso represents the info i looking for. but hwo do i know??? i dinno tat, tat field can help in decoding info too. he knew, din tell mi, how i know?? n i did highlight to him. now he tleling mi to search more carefully next time??

such things cannot be assumed at all wat. he shld know. unless i wrong lah.

=========

den, our side, other than tis sup, will b the tech mgr. tech mgr seem to come back from silicon valley. sometimes, or usually, his attitude n non-chalent'ness puts some colleagues off. but i wonder if this is the type.. i hope my sup can b..

when my sup on leave, he asked the mgr to supervise mi, n chk if i got any prob anot. n he oso keep saying tat, mgr will oni jus "ask" for status, but not ask "wat prob u having". i did joke tat tis is really the case.. as i exp it a few wks back. but now, i feel tat, it's actually better that he ask in such way.. to show concern abt project, but not to interfere in ur way of handling things, trusting tat u can do a gd job. he interviewed mi for tis job. he saw my resume. i duno abt the sup. n ya, mgr does lunch alone lah. n soemtimes, i lunch alone as well.. (dun think 2 much).

==========

i managed to somehow.. know more abt y i keen on leaving.. abt the team work here. the interface thing tat i was talking abt, n the ALT thing.. lack of communication n teamwork.. commuinication as in, telling u ASAP wat new info is gotten. teamwork as in, ... perhaps.. sharing ideas wif u, instead of not letting u know too much.. um.. 2nd reason.. i dunno how it really applies, but feel tat it does apply

a funny.. week. on thursday or somthign, i know tat i aint destined for a reln anymore. so i decided to shower my love on my frns.. existing, old, n new found 1s.

den, on thurs, oh well, not a really gd thing to KO on time.. or earlier than my sup, cos he had intended to combine our work, he was too slow n his time mgmt always fail. so i bochap, after finsih my part, i jus go home. then, at the busstop, got a china loking .. n matured looking.. hunk. he wif frns but turn to look at my direction at times. i din really care lah. even though i so daring in the gym n bus, it's simply not mi to initiate anything in such publioc plc.

we boarded the bus to mrt, den when alight from bus, i gave way to him haha.. den he was rushing for the mrt wif his frns. i jus took my time. surprising, the next train which i boarded, i saw a sec sch frn. nothing great to see tis frn, but at least i took the initiative to greet him.. n the good n nice news is tat, when i reached my mrt stop, i met a pri sch frn!!!

tis frn, abt few mths back, i keep seeing him wif a ger walking around. i know who he is, but nvr.. felt the motivation/push/urge to ack him. den tis time, we saw each other again, n i purposely slowed down.. n exchanged glances. haha, den we started to ack each otehr... he found mi familiar, but i oredi knew he was from my pri sch, so i told him heheh. we chatted.. n i peeped at his gym tone body :P he's wearing white cotton T some more, maing the cloth almost sticking to his chest, n nipps LOL.. *blush*

den, on friday, my usual meal stall.. the beng guy.. suddenly started to b frnly wif mi.. nodded his head as i finished my meal.

but the most iteresting 1.. (how many have i got oredi??).. is today, i went to get my lens.. sidetrack: funny siazz.. a staff at the optician there often look at my direction.. if he's familiar looking (like a fridae guy), den he's too old to be him. den i went for my haircut. i din really see the cute boy there siazz.. i dun wan ask too much,. so only when my haircut session started, den i ask if he's working tat day. den i was pointed to him!!

wahhaha.. i guess it's been a mth since he there liao, so.. more daring.. hair more stylish. but.. TO THINK I CAN'T RECOGNISE HIM!! or rather i dun wan appear too frnly.. dun wan scare him off.. i looked at him once, he lok familiar but i not sure.. n he was doing his hair.. look at him 2nd time, he turn around to see.. 3rd time i see.. he saw mi, n waved at mi... haha.. i waved back!!

den he came over to my plc (in the salon, DUN misread.. he feels very innocent, i dun wan anythign bad to happen to him.. or even to lead him astray) n we chatted. he still rmb mi wokrinjg in IT field! we chatted here n there.. wah liao, i regret not looking for him to do my hair siazz... i'll the next time i go. den when he came near my plc to take somethign, he's realyl cute to smile at mi when he pass by siazz.. den at times, i jus try to see where he is, on the pretext of looking ard :P.

i decided, b4 i laeve i will pat hsi shlder or arm n say goodbye to him. haha, n i actually did go up.. at a distance, i wave goodbye.. den i rmb i wanna tocuh him.. so i went up, n whispered to him "take care" while i patted his shoulder... WOW!!

sigh.. wif such disappointments in LTR, now i really focus on frnship liao.. wat's more, it seems like.. my frns all gonna leave singapore anytime. oz pal may go euro places to explore his white frns, while my gal pal will gonna b in india to work.. den another.. beng type ... frn?.. ok lah, frn n didi.. he oso planned to go aus after his ns.

i guess this is jus how life progresses. each to his own. everyone sooner or later has to plan somethign for his career.

i duno if this is the way thigns work in programming world..

my sup, when i first came in, told mi he dun wan surprises (in the sense, nothing much was told abt the progress, n progress was thot to b smooth. but end up actually got prob here n there, n "no time" to voice out). i totally like it. 'cos communication is very impt in a team. but in the end, he very often tell mi last min need to udpate certain data.. cos he jus realise the new data not in. n i had to do it last min.

n oso abt interface design. he told mi to create interfaces. i created. den on wed, he ask mi to develop another interface which will b used for fri demo. i was thnkng, since it's interface for them to see, y pass to mi oni now?? interfaces is wat the user shld see. it shdl b the minimal tat shld evolve when designing projects. at least, when during the demo, tis is wat the clients wanna see. den last min pass to mi, n wanna mi make it work. kauz!

wat i feel odd is tat, even after working for 1.5 mths, i know his style of working, but he still dunno how i'm thinking. when we discussing, he tends to tell mi wat methods to use n how to do.. but the things is tat, he is nt the 1 doing. how does he know if t works?

n even funny tonight. since mornign, he been tleling mi, how much thinsg he's got left do finish up. n in a few hrs, shld b done. den later, he say, he doing last section of testing. will finish in 2 hrs. 2 hrs later, he still doing, n an interface whcih suppsoe to b done up by him oso not done yet. i really duno wat i doing now.. for the actual 1, or for the fri demo siazz.. n later, when i almost finished my part , i asked him wat else i need to do. he thto i did not, within my capabillities, manage to finish the part. so he volunteered to help mi. cos he oso haven done the interface designing yet. we even argue who shld b resolving it, mi or him. cos he say he'll take 5 mins oni to do it, while i may take 15 mins. so if he do, will have extra 10 mins. but kauzz!!! i've been doing these things, n yet he doubted my abolities???? but since he seem persistent, i let him do it. but sensing my reluctance, he say he'll let mi do, but muz b within 5 mins.

know wat, 5 mins later, he really came to chk. DUH! b4 this, i oredi thot of wat to say if he really inspect. "wah u really come n chk ah?". but he din make it obvious. he more to checkignt he progress.. n he has not even finished his work yet. he even had the cheek to volunteer helping mi siazz.. den i finsihed my part b4 8pm. he say he gonna stay til 10pm, looks suprised tat i going home early. but the things is tat, he cant even track his own tiem siazZ!! he kept emphasizing on how exp he is, but the timing he so bad?? he keep thinking he can finish on tiem in 2 days, den GUI can b done in 1 day. but.. things din turn out. yet, he dared to tell mi abt time mgmt...

n hor, thie evening, i learnt wat does "a technical person cant communicate well" actually mean. these programmrs or designers, they have their ideas n wat-2-do in their minds. so when they speak, they know wat they are toking abt. n ake somehwo the shortcut. cos they thot the listener oso havw the same idea n topic. n sometimes, they jus speak watever they wanted to know. without guding teh listener to properly perceive their tinking. jus like tis sup, saying "u can do tis, store it, manipulate it, n den display it" but tat wat is in his mind. he have thot of tat plan. but th thing is tat, he say wat's in his mind, but i cant catch it LOL..

oso got 1 time, he jus say "u know u have to remove rite?" i was confused.. remove?? wat?? stored items, or for a remove purpose? i ask "u mean when click on reset?" he say "NO NO... ok i show u" he draw out the sequence diagram, taking up 5 mins. but, the things he wanna tell mi, i oredi implemented.

sighzz.. lack of chemistry..

haha.. 1 more thing. when he show mi some code, he'll rush to describe to mi wat he's doing. but being a programmer, by telling mi, it's his idea. but when i read the code, i can better understand wat he's doing... cos his words sometimes confusing.. but when he's reading my code, i wnana explain, but he stopped mi hahha,,

i came out to him, n he said he putting reln aside. he's going to germany for overseas assignment... oh well.. amei's "i want happiness" don't suit the mood now, but it says the heartfelt words of everyone..

about work

somehow, i really feel the need to source for new job... i really starting to feel tat, my current pay is veli low.. for a cert holder, even. cos after developing programs, writing code for 1.5 mths, i'm certain tat my cert means i'm of a certain calibre in order to obtain the cert. cos, within this time, i oredi managed to develop a full scale program.

having earned some exp in coding working programs, i guess i can say i'm more geared up for better prospects. not to say, i wil ltender, but i'll search around for openings. if the offer is gd, i'll jump. anyway, now i still prob, so oni 2 wks notice. at my plc now, other than doing wat i learned from my cert, i oso did things whcih i learnt during my java lessons.. more than wat i am supposed to do..

my oni worry is, how is the next prospect? and.. i oso hope tat i can b confirmed for a programming job.. dun let my mum worry.

===========

damn, my supervisor last min pass some work to mi, saying it need to b done by today. but tis work, he can jolly well give mi days ago.. no need so late. i know it's still my duty to ensure something can come out.. jus felt.. it's so the damn last min. somehow i feel tat, the sup is getting personal wif mi... not gettin back, but more to not having chemistry wif mi, although we have worked together n discussing for 1.5 mths. n sometimes, when his idea dun match mine, he is persistent in finding out why. but sometimes it aint impt... he knows his stuff n why things shld b done in his way. but all r in his thots, n when i cant catch it, he'll speak louder n harsher. kauzz.. oh well... it's worklife.

n a worse thig is tat, he ask mi develop an interface.. i took pains n time to develop. den suddenly this last min work, is to put an interface he thot of (functions similar to mine) to work, and making it work. i dunno wat gonna happen to mine. n i thot mine will be presented to the client tis fri. end up, his will.

he asked mi to make an interface, tat y i did. n i oso ask if mine will be used... he said it'll.. but not for tis friday

n jus now, i overheard his discussion wif the boss. when asked abt mi, he gave a "sigh.. " bla bla.. but i dunno which side of us went wrong. i feel tat i din get a clear enuff picture, n the way he describe things is not the way in which i understand things. got a few times, when i understand wat he saying, n when he asked mi to explain, i told him abt my understanding, but yet he dun get it, n thot i dun understand him.

i'm still contemplating of whether i shdl stay on anot.. muz think of whether it's a personal reason,or mroe for prof reason.. i dun wan to leave due to my sensitivity.. sigh, how come my career prospects always o uncertain 1?

==============

tell mi wat to do!! i msg the mgmt guy morning. den ask him how is his life n stuff. cos he gona b overseas working, i ask if he will b going into distance LTR. he reply "it's nto tat smooth going". i ask wat happen... den no reply.. so in evening, i took the courage to msg him "jus to tell u tat, no matter wat happen, u got a listening ear here, to let u pour out ur sadness and sorrow, take care "

he replied "thansk kevin, i regret of wat i've done.. i'm alright. u have a good evening. good luck in u studies"

upon tis msg.. emotions overwhelmed mi once again... thtos flooded my mind. i wanan reply to him, but i wanna keep tab on my intentionsn wordings. phrasings, n dun scared him off wif over the hill expressions.. yes i may b thinking to much. i took 2 hrs to compose the msg. i wanna say "i'm still here, waiting for u", "hope we can have a chance", "u still have mi here". but i wanna sound encouraging, n not too obvious (too direct) in my lines... n although it's easy to gain entry when someone's depressed, i dun wan take tis route.. i finally sent "hope u r really alrite, as such things need time to heal. rmb, i'm still here for u...in all ways. hugz

==============

haha. how does it fele to know tat... someone';s waiting for u? or did my sms pass tat msg??

pt 1

i managed to figure out 1 pt of my unbalance work emotions/attitude.

1) if i have no idea how to proceed for my work, or dunno where the proj/my work is heading, somehow, i will harbour the idea of leaving the job.. still pretty much unsettled huh?

wonderous experience in gym

wow.. been real busy these days.. but today, i felt it has an influence in my thinkni lifestyle n direction.. i have to jot it down..

a few days b4 the completion of ym proj, i decided to go gym on sunday to chill out. i got a 1-day trial anyway. n sunday, is my hand-in asgt day. so, sunday, my family went for bfast lah. the place where we had bfast, got a hunk working there to help his mum tend her shop. this hunk was a colleague of mine. den he buy kopi, i waved to him, he stunned, n turned back. hehe, later we went to his shop, n he say he din see mi wave at him ahah. but hro. his muscles REALLY REALLY big siazz!!! arms chest all got trained 1 siazz!! Mr S'pore junior? he FIT the bill!!

den later, i went to gym. my first time alone to a gym siazz.. tried outt eh things there, n looked at some passers-by. some seem aj-alike. got 2 who caught my attention. 1, he went past mi n smiled into his direction. i dun thin there's any1 he's aiming at... 2, nvm.. not impt.

after 2 hrs, i decided to go steam rm. i bath liao, n went for it. got a guy inside. he looks quite nice. n when he was sittign there, he loosened his towel but still covering properly. den i ask him wat's the temperature set, he moved to my side n told mi. n he sat there.n hor, this time, his towel is not covering his ass at all!! he';s showing his ass to mi!! n the towel is covering his thgh n below. i kept looking at his direction n looking at his ass oso. he den leaned back, n i oso look at the shape of his body.. quite toned... den he left the room...

so, i loosed my towel oso n sat in a paikia manner. those.. put 1 foot ont he seat. den he came in again. this time, he realy.. jus sitting on other side where we can still see each other.. n the towel this time, he is jus sitting there, wif towel loosely covering him n he strewtching himself! i kept looking, or rather we exchanged looks. den, he even lowered the towel to reveal his pubic hari siazz!!.. i den adjusted my towel oso.. until ,i got erection siazz!! but i was paiseh n din reveal it lol.. he look at my direction, n i stared at his pubic hair.. so seductive!

i was so stunned tat id unno wat to do.. i thot of using verbal communication to praise him.. but duno how to!! sigh, i decided to elave the rm... i stood up, took off my towel to rewrap, n compliemented him saying "you are sexy :)" he said "thx you" smilingly.. n i left the room.. i really dunno wat else i can do.. but before i step out of the the area n returning my things, i was thinking of wehther i shld go back n find him, or let it pass. i know i had to go office to finishs ome work. i duno if by going back, will i delay anthing anot.. but he's delicious! n it's now or never!

i den went back.. n went to the rm. sian, he's not there anymore. i was disappointed, n headed out directly.. n i sms'ed some frns abt tis... sigh.. all of them ask y i din take any actions.. do i look lik someone who def'ly take action? i will, when i feelt he need to, n know wat to do.. but this time, i really stunned. uninitiated for such ahppenings. i was actaulyl oso waiting for him to do something.. from wat i see, maybe i was sitting in paikia pose, he felt i'm a top n active.. so i shdl take action. i was oso thinking, how to make the verbal contact. but nahzzz, screw it. in future, i'll know wat to do.

such thigns, impromptu 1, where got verbal? everythign is abt understanding, mutual interaction. n reading of body lang. i decided, if i see such thigns, i'll probably sit over. if thigns go smooth, i'll reach for his hands, n start touching fondling n touching. duno wat will result.. dun wan to go for ons but dunno if such things usually end up as 1.

the funny thing is tat, i kept thinking of how i can improve my handling of such situations. n oso, i actualyl dunno a proper way fo getting to my office from there.. wah... SIAN.. but lucky, i took a bus n saw a way to reach office. n i'm prepared to finish work at 10pm. but strange, i managed to resolve the issue in 1 hr... den.. i tookt he time to.. try and find tat guy.. posted ad in sgboy, n updated my fridae profile... dunno wat will come out, but at least i try...

however, toking abt these.. i start to worry abt my directions in my gay lifestyle... ppl (who read my destiny b4) told mi abt my love life. it seems to be true.. tat y i'm waiting for the mgmt guy... but the mgmt guy,.. he's going overseas to work. if he does, lil chance for us to b together.. n.. i duno if he's stil lattached. the reason i bring this up, is that since this gym-ons experience, i find tat, other than exercising, it's a nice way to look out for ppl wif gym tone bodies.. my idea of those gay spas/saunas is really bad.. ppl really wif the main idea of F'ing each other, honry dudes, n really looking for ward to soemthing defl'y happening. esp in the dark rm, where releasing is top priority. tis gym, (today got lil ppl) is more serene, small size. thesteam room is oni for max 6 ppl. quite cosy. but if my intention, after this trip, is to seek out bodies from gym sessions, wun i b falling into the gay-gymers always seek sex category?

i dun like those gay themed place, cos every1 thinking of entering each other. but this plc, is probably wif a str8'er theme. n it's in working office area. probably catered for workign class ppl who wanna relax n chill out. i duno.. i dun wan fall into the gym-sex group, but tis exp has.. changed my thinking.. cos, it's where we can see each other, look at the bodies, n they probably of a certain lvl of thinking n maturity. n the lighting is clear enuff.

i had been to another steam room in the city area. those ppl... umm.. probably intend to visit city, so they visit the gym oso. overall, the gym has given mi some changes in thinking
1) gymt o keep fit n relax. - whih i love.
2) gym in such place, has a relax theme, instead of every1 rushign for a die-for-u gym figure. n it's not crowded. haha. again, well, it's sunday... ppl probably b heading for city to chill out, n not to office area..
3) in the steam rom, like today.. u know...

i dun wan go those.. rush hour gym... will b too packed. n esp those.. gay themed gyms..

oops... i'm losing my point.. wat i wanna say is, i'm waitignf or the mgmt guy. but wif the way things go, he's attached (?) n going overseas.. will there b a chance for us? if not, n wif my mindset tuning towards gym n relaxing (in all senses), i may really.. not consider LTR as a possible route for mi.. but take frnship as my priority.. n to heal my needs, may go such gyms to work out, n relax my self.. cos i find tat everytime after i workout (be it jus swim, or gym), i feel honry. cos i'm re-vitalised?

=====

a side issue. the bus whcih i took to work to day, i thot it ends at the mrt b4 my house. but kauzzz... it;s not... i even gong gong sit till it's reached its terminal stn den i can get home.. gosh.. for this wk of work, i oso expect ymself to... put in extra effort to make things work..

gdnite

happy, confused, bewildered,
kevin

i think i really have a high expectation of myself at work.. for the whole day, nothing productive was done. in the morning, my office PC OS hang big time, n i spent 2 hrs fixing it ,wasting mucho time. n den, for thw whole day, i was trying to figure out a way to retrieve data fromt he webpg.

u know.. when jsp printed a html page, i used a loop to print out all the relevant data. BUT THe prob came , when i needed to find out which item the person selected, so tat i can continue with the proper action, i jus cant find a way to do it!! i feel down n devastated. i been thinking the whole day siazz!!! i either did it wrongly, or some things can help to rectify the situation.. haizz.. i even wonder if i can stay on the job... i think tmr i will ask my colelagues for help really.. sianzz.. damn!!! i was even thinking of finishing the segment by toady!!! DARN IT!

hell came over mi.

for the past 3 days, i've been ... wanting myself to stay up n carry on my monash asgt. but.. i everytime jus sleep in the midway. like.. jus lie on the bed, n i dozed off in secs. yes i know it means i'm tired.. but i really need to keep myself awake! fwe days liao.. sianz.. almost felt useless.. n hopeless..

den at work.. sometimes, i'll feel "there's really no pt working there anymore.. i shld seek other java jobs". sometimes, i'll feel "i muz stay behind.. cos it's really my dream job". sighzz.. anyway, i realyl feel so disappointed wif myself. a few simples bugs, i took hours to find out n resolve. damn it. i failed my own expectations..

=============

did the going get tuff? on last night, i set my hp to buzz at 4am. when i woke at 651, i was stunned. and found that the buzz was not on. 2 reasons: i did not set it on, or i din wake up to its buzz. but i'm still determined to complete my asgt ASAP. now i understand the stress of studying n working at the same time. in my prev helpdesk jobs, we mainly.. stress during some major issues like "downtime" but that's just temporarily, cos we oni care abt when it'll b up, n demand for a report. but now, as a SOFTWARE ENGINEER, i am in charge of a product/project, n i WANNA see it thru. putting in extra effort is not an issue for mi.. provided i finish my asgt..

===========

blogging still? yes.. while i preparing my asgt.. ok, as i get more involved in a proper worklife (doing my dream java programming job), i begin to realise why.. in tis century, less couple r getting married, n the need for matching agencies.. every1 is so caught up wif the working life, and earning more money.. n wif earning of more money, the spending power increases. ppl have higher expectations of their life partners, be it guys or gals. wif higher expectations, it's getting more diffi to be aattached...

=============

taking a rest from my asgt... n watched a korean show on tv. the scene is about the guy who woke up to find himself in a hotel room, sleeping naked on the bed. a ger is standing by the window. ok, i'm not sure how this could have happened in real life, but why is it tat, every person will assume the guy did something to teh ger?? it's a common assumption! Other than the guy being honry, won't the ger feel shamed too? if the ger is unwilling, wun she resist? or, if the ger is forced onto the bed, wun the ger wake up crying or feeling helpless? if the ger is feeling "well, dun bother abt mi, i know we are not fated, but i enjoyed tat nite", does this not mean somethign fishy? why are the guys always the agressor and the ger always the victim?

i've nvr been drunk b4, and wun bed a ger. does pure intimacy on teh bed stain the ger (in the mindset of the current century)? or some evidence of action will then prove the staining? if the guy is really drunk, can he still feel the sexual contact?

===========

last para, b4 i post tis blog.
for this assignment, it seems like those mathematical questions will tend to stress mi out and burn my brain cells, while those questions which ask for elaborations and researching will be much easier.. cos' it's basically ur understanding of the topic, and some research, and not based on how well the lecturer has taught, and how much u've grasped from wat was taught.. u dun need to scratch ur head to determine how is the formula actually derived, used, and wat values to apply...

seriously.. i think the fat guy beside mi.. is really bias towards mi.

during lunch, i toking to them abt Despo hsewife, den he got irritated wif mi saying something whcih he din watch.. n kept turning his head away, and adjusting his posture.

den when my sup n i were fixing a program, he jus sat there, giggling at our -ve comments. when sup say "eh, how come it din come out??" fatty was jus poking fun at it. as though luffing at "hah! see, his programm cannot work!"

den, another time, i gonna take leave for my exam, i still on probation, fatty say "oei, unfair leh like dat!!" he may b jus kidding n teasing.. but it's.. jus.. unkind.

but somehow, i like it, when ytday, the whole team was finding out how come the XML is not working, they work on it for 15 mins, while i kept offering help to resolve it.. den when he finally let mi handle it, i resolved in 2 mins hahah..

=============

i applied for teh exam leave today.. den kena reprimanded. i agree i at fault, but the team lead oso cant escape. the team lead say, during interview, i din highlight to him, i am studying partime. but the fact is tat, he din ask oso wat. if he asked, i'll def'ly say. since he din ask, does it not mean, it's not impt, as long as we can manage the time properly?

den he told mi crudely, tat they dun ave exam leave, so i'll b taking unpaid leave, since it's not confirmed if i'll b staying there.

den.. cos the proj has been delayed for 5 days by the client, n 5 days by my exam prep period, team lead remind us to keep to our schedule, and tat, if the proj fails, the company need to pay damages, but i wun b liable. but.. (i din say these to him yet.. probably will tell tmr) i'll tell him, i take tis proj sriously.. cos it';s gonna b my product. it's not jus a job, but it'll b the fruit of my labour..

==========

well, a frn called mi jus now, saying tat he saw my fridae intro.. n made a promise, tat in 5yrs, if we both still single, he gonna make me his love. i;m touched by his words. but.. i'm kinda still waiting for teh mgmt guy.. i dunno how is he doing now. n probably wun call him.. but carry on sending greetz. if things fall apart, so be it. tat's all ;) nothing else need to b said..

i'm still unable to face my studies pressure. i'm tryign to my best to avoid it. clearing my mails on saturday, when i'm jus 2 wks from the asgt deadline, meeting a NSF at my plc on sunday noon, and going for a party at night. the good side is, i'm trying to refresh n enjoy myself to the fuller (i dun thik it's fullest yet), b4 i embark on a stressing proj.. somehow i surmise tat, i din score well in my prev asgt, so i have pressure doing it (well) again, esp when i dun even know how/wat i shld .. write my ans.

for the party, i'm glad.. i'm matured n sensible enuff.. cos the theme was not my style, but outta courtesy, i managed to stay thru'out the event. no grumbles from mi, but jus no interest to be part of the game. when the whole thing ended, went off for dinner.. n to mi, tis is where the fun began.

my frn is a caucasian. n he invited an asian to the party. i joined it. den.. b4 i joined the party, i knew the asian liked the cau. den when we went for dinner ,i cld feel tat the asian tried his best t be near n attentive to the cau. while,.. the cau.. was paying attention to me n my needs... when we ordered drinks, the cau wanted some warm n non sugared drinks n asked for green tea. but they dun have. den i ask if they have any tea drinks. den they suggest chn tea. the asian den... GRABBED THE CHANCE n ask wat kinda tea they using.. iron buddha? oh.. quite bitter, but the cau can take. so he ordered it. but wah liao.. he's so obvious siazz!!

tea, generally, is bitter.. isn't that so?? why bother asking for wat kinda tea they have?? since they aren't a traditional chn place, they wun have a variety of tea for selection. n yet he ask wat tea they use... duhzz... but the disheartening part.. is that, when footing the bills, he actualyl accepted the cau's $$.. if he took my $$ oni, it's ok. but he like the cau ,but dun even wanna take it as a treat for him. kauzz.. so narrow minded.

argh!! my asgt due on 14 may, now is half day past 1st may.. n i still blogging n wasting time.. sianzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz