tis morning, woke up.. roomate nvr go work again... den i prepare my things... wah... drizzling!!!

n last day of STREATS.. now i know, e loss of papers, n tv channel add to the sadness for 2005, my frns gone.. all ya, e long hidden truth of mi being unable to go overseas study..

at work, haqha.. my close frn praised tat i look attractive today... wif the hairstyle, my ndp dressingh :)

luckily my mum got cook.. if not, really dunno where tyo eat.

hehe b4 KO, got call a new guy from irc... he 30+ n seem quite onzz for swim.. chatted wif him on phone cos sms oni 1 lines here n there

i think he pretty keen to tok wif ppl 20 odd yo.. den chatted things.. n i went home..

i planned to buy e cooling tea, n some buns.. finally decided tat will bring them for bfast tmr... den went home.. alright, i was SOOO... hungry n famished siazz.. cos like i said i bought KFC.. but tat took 10$.. den think i shld not spend too much.. so ytday lunch, i bought 3 mini nasi lemak, n a watermelon.. abt 1.8$ oni.. den.. later after KO, cannot tahan liaozz...

rushed family for dinner.. took quite an amt.. but avg for my own intakes :)...

hehe.. embarassing, but the water now is so COLD tat at home, i din bathe 2 dys liaozz.. all along been washing hair oni.. wah, so cold... den at family there, i took bath :) n washed hair,... finally... i thot :)

went home... n found some of my stuff kept liaozz.. but when i was moving my stuff aroyund, haha.. they dropped out.. hehe.. ok, rommmate did msg mi tat he clean up the place, but tat was when i reached family for dinner... he said "good evening... er" sounded so funny... LOL

den later i watched TV, and slept... while burning cds.. i think i finally got it... i mean hwo to edit with the new software...

den tonight, gonna fix aunt PC, and den go chiong... ready to party tonight... n even ready for some hot sex either wif a master (wink) or a regular sexmate..

at home, stayed home all the way.. n lived once again on my own.. dun ask abt where my rommmate has been.. i duno oso... all i know is that, i thnk he came back last night, took some things, den went out again.. i asked him if he's still working.. he say yes... den i ask if his shift in night, he dun say anythign... nvm.. jus have to ensure he pay mi the rent by the deadline, if not, i will be firm for sure.

den this morning, i went off for work as usual... woke up on tiem... den jerked off... within 5 minutes.. yes i know, cos i paused my alarm clock, den i took the time to jerk off.. den alarm rang again.. so i know it;s within 5 mins...

now, w/o any roommate around, once again, it feel like i living by myself.. prety nice :)

i kinda din feel anything for r/s liaozz... but this time, i wonder if i will oso kena the "not ready for r/s yet" mentality...

anyway, these days, when i see yandaoz or cuties, i dun have the urge to know them more or keen on them anymore. have i grown up? Or have i been affected negatively?

so ytday i got home... called my mum n know that she not cooking. so had to settle my dinner outside.. troubling over wat i shld eat for my dinner.. den thot of taking the god-forbid kfc.. still pretty nice.. but after so long never take.. i kinda not tat keen to take it liao.. although i still enjoy the taste of it :D

den went home.. n was prepared to watch charmed... kauz!!! it's not telecast!!!!!!!! the damn soccer show took over!!!!!!! arghzz.. den settled for other shows...

looking at the PC, i could have become almost doing nothing, but decided to edit my videos... wah lioazz... editing is pretty much a chore too.. cos... the software is freeware.. den really muz think n think n investigate which option is the one i need.. but hor.. kinda funny... anyway, i managed to crop the video still, but den, the turnout video is 1GB+?? when the original video is <1 GB??

i kinda cut the video into half... the video was < 1GB, but the result vide is 1GB+???? wha liaozz... n somemore, got different compression formats ... wah coolll./.. or rather, trobulesome :)

i really hope i din affect my colleague's decision...

she felt troubled n i tok to her... den i advised her from my POV... saying things like.. if she's not happy in a r/s, den why stay put there? a r/s is supposed to be happy, if it does not make her so, why stick on to it?

umm.. although my love life has not been smooth... am i in a position to tell her?

anyway, jus hope things are fine for her.. she pretty affected by past r/s tat she dun dare make a firm choice... thus, struggling with this...

strange... my msn is getting more n more contacts... i'm supposed to be more for icq.. but now, office ppl ,and new guys all use msn..

a long time ago knew liao frn.. or acquaintance.. ask mi out for dinner... when i first knew him couple a years back.. he was friendly to me... met at a wall climbing session... he brought mi there... but din tok much..

den this time, he ask mi for dinner.. n treated mi to it too.. and later we went to a bar which.. i did not know it exist haha.. inside there, got a fair skinned chinese-looking guy working... haha.. i asked for his name - Pas... or somehting like tat.. he is definitely not local.. more like filipino... cos his accent.. n he cant really speak the language well..

all he can do was to smile... haha... n while in the bar, i kept looking at him hehe..

n b4 we left, i patted his shoulder and waved goodbye to him.. smiling.. after i exited, i wnana go loo first... n ehhe there he is... coming out from the toilet.. n smiled again..

oh ya, when i first smiled at him, he was kinda startled and turned away his gaze while smiling...

after finishing toilet, i exited form bar again, n he there, picking the glasses... but i did look at him liaozz... hehe...

liaozz.. den on the bus, got a lady.. those young n vibrant type.. sit beside mi.. almost like wanna physical contact...

n this frn of mine, said i am diff from most ppl he met.. i am more down to earth while, others are rather arrogant and self centred...

monday.. wah liao, monday blues siazz.. no mood to work at all.. felt like takign some time off.. but damn.. jus went off for work again... n rommmate is stil sleeping...

at work, kena suan by a colleauge kauzz... den tok to a frn of mine for advice... haha,.. she damn busy n we met up for dinner... mum is cooking, so i dun wanna eat.. but later, still cant resist n took deer meat...

den later, suddenly she wnana go ktv.. hah. siao onzz.. den i oso go... haha.. long time no go ktv wif her liaozz.. quite refreshing n quite odd feeling.. not used to the way she behave... den sing till too excited.. dun wan go home for dinner... in end, spent 3 hrs at ktv.. hahaha... pretty fun...

den finally went back.. took dinner or rather supper first at home... but damn it.. wat is the home like now???

i was eating, den my mum told me there a letter for mi from lawyer.. look urgent, so they opened it. GOSH.. THAT'S MY LETTER!!!!

i really dun understand my family.............................................. what's the urgency here that they MUST open the letter without telling mi??????????????????????

somehow i rmb i did update some mroe things into my blog.. but strange, it did not show.

anyway, arrived at home abt 5+.. took supper... n chatted there... den got home to bathe... haha.. wore oni shorts n slept there.. slept 6+... woke 8, 9, 11, 12... finally woke up.. den they supposed ot be surfing net, but end up watchign videos siazz..

den they left.. n i surfing nt n using PC at home.. den hor, i was trying the video editng sofware.. quite good lah.. den oso trying out the various account types.. but DAMN!!!! i was trying the backup operator.. and sudenly the desktop customisation are all gone!!!!!1

wah liao!! wat happened?? den had to let rommate use the admin account... but dunno if he know it.. cos he still using guest...

den decided not to take anymore meals. n went off for gathering wif frns. ehhe.. i thto i was late.. but den, i wait for 10 mins, den got ppl come.. hehe...

during the meal, a sec frn passed a msg to mi from Oz... "GAYBOY"

haha.. had a fulfilling buffet steamboat... ate lotsa again... but then... i realised i din iron my shirts yet... wah liao.. den later, we suddenly wnana go movie.. watch kungfu.. haha.. rushed for the las train. n the show is pretty fun.. :) din realise tat i will get home so late siazz in the end, after ironing, i slept at 1+.. roommate almost sleeping..

umm.. jus uploaded my pictures.. taken with traditional cams... into the website..

at the chiong pt, tok n chatted..took beer oso.. quite a nice n colling place... but wah liao, always got tat 3) guy toking to mi, n thinking he oh-so-humorous...

took a light dinner.. n went for clubbing... went too early... there is no one at all...

went upstairs to rest... and chatted.. den soemone who i personally dislike... cos according to frn, he accused mi of something... he came up to our level, but i ignored him...

my frn supposed to join us, but too bad the queue was LLOOOOOOOOONG, so he went away. i wanna find him, but he dun wan.. asking mi to enjoy my time.. ok loh...

we wanna go down, but the place was jus 2 crowded... i was not even able to balance myself and i went off soon... rested n chatted more in tat place... den later, had fun teasing and toking... tat new guy kinda... fun loh,. still veli childish.. he say he used to walking fast, so i challenged him hqha.. he really rushed like mad isazz!!

den after the chionging, went for "debrief" and wah liao, tat 3) stil so touchy wif mi...

den we went our way home... the new guy had wanna take bus.. but later decided he 2 tired to take it n took cab instead.

den liao ... those ppl who going home wif mi... they take their own sweet time n took quick snacks.. den i keep pushing them to walk faster... cos i dun wan miss last bus.. but they still sighzz...

but we still managed to board a buss. haha.. n a frn was kinda cruised by a lesbian... a gay frn!! den all the way they were resting.. i was look n watching... got some bengs (who give mi feeling tat they are NSFs) they kep looking our direction.. ahha... nvm abt tat...

on xmas eve, i brought my gift for my date... took the time to wrap it up for him... even stayed back there to finish wrapping up...

den joined my frn for gathering at his frn's house..

cos my date is travelling overseas for xmas, i planned to surprise him by arriving at his place, when he jus came back from trip... den wah liao... thigns cock up... din manage to pass him the thing, i was frustrated, and almost din enjoy my xmas eve.. stayed very quiet and isolated, but abt 1 hr before xmas, i managed to pull myself together again.

to think i was so silent for 4 hours... from 7pm to 11pm. Frns have been trying to get me into the mood, but I simply lost it. Drank liquor to kill the mood. into the MN, a guy kinda... bathed n changed in front of us.. and later he told our fortune with his tarot card. i ask for it as well.

during this session, realised quite a bit about my future... n told him wat i was told in the past as well. kinda know what's gonna b my future. tarot seem more like telling u what;s gonna happen in near future, while facial n palm is more like rounded.

after the session, i kinda confided in him wat happened... n also expressed my interest to... know him personally...

den all of us went to sleep... and the next morning, went for bfast... strange though.. seem like i was not tat welcome.. cos...

cos everytime i had to think of topics and start the chat.. they seldom did. seldom involved mi in their talks as well.

so, just as we left the place, i decided not to tok anymore... unless they initiated it. and true enough, no 1 bothered abt mi. i walked right in front of them.. i mena a few metres away.

came home... n thot of having a good rest... cos the eve wasn't that great. but i din wanna join my good frn's party... due to some personal conflicts.

but when i got home, i simply can't rest... forgot wat i did, but i went to irc... i was honry... chatted there... n got someone keen to get over here.. someone was outside and wanna get ppl to join in for xmas... n someone who THINK HE IS HOT STUFF N PUT ON ATTITUDE.

1) tat someone keen to come over, he live near mi... he came over... n it's was not tat hot, but more to les than an avg enjoyable scene...

2) the guy outside, he was bored for xmasn wanna find ppl to go out.. ok loh.. can go out oso.. cos i dun wan stay home, n i dun wan call ppl out oso...

3) the attitude guy... i show him my picture, n gave my number, he called mi with private line.. i not free... den after hanging up, as a good gresture, i praised tat he sound sexy. den attitude came. he told mi tat to get his number, i have to give him a bigger picture...

i asked, why. he said "cos he is hot property". comeon, get a life! why shld i give him wat he want?? I gave him 2 items, he din even wanna give 1, and think he's hot?? wat's worse, he even threatened to post my number on the main window if i dun give him?? what' kinda guy is he???

i told him off... n posted his msg on the main widnow. den i told him there's no point if he's insincere. den he said, it's my loss. huh??? well, i'm not desperate.

after meeting 1) i went off to meet 2).

along the way, i called my good frn... haha.. do i wanna address him in this way?? dunno... n he's at home, watching TV. i asked him out... to join us... haah.. first time i called him so directly.. forgetting all unhappiness i had with him..

he's coming, den i called another person.. who's supposed to have lotsa time... hehe.. true, he is alone n spending xmas at home LOL.. asked him out loh.. den when i got there, the guy is there... and he got another person wif him.. haha.. tat other person oso from irc... umm.. i guess i continue writing.. no need to write another page..

chatted with 3) and new guy... 3) is actually .. somoene who i met before..

new guy.. not bad, can click wif him.. den... 3) supposed to meet a new person.. but thi person.. 20+ yo, jus show attitude.. he keep saying cant find us,... when finally saw us, he lost his temper and stormed. i saw him n shouted for him.. he pretended not to hear. oh well.

den 3) called him.. pissed, i screamed "jus now say got many entrances when there's oni 1! saw us and went off loh! shout for him oso din hear us loh.." simply pissed at him..

later 3) still called n met him.. well, for mi, i simply dun bother myself abt him... when 3) got him n intro us, i oso bochap him n take as transparent. then we all jus went off to enjoy our time...

had wnana watch show,. but no seats.. sighzz.. den all the way went to our chiong point :D

hehe.. realisd tat i din update my blog for quite some time... i oso dunno y... maybe dunnno wat to write...

actually, i did think may be troublesome to keep updating...

chey!! i checked my blog, i updated everyday!! but.. i guess i din update wat hppened in my life, more to my eelings n thots of the world/life/career....

anyway, tuesday, i toked to my roommate, n setteld some issues... but i wonder if i was 2 harsh in my words... i know i'm right to tok to him abt thigs, but do i have to b so stern? checking wif frns...

umm.. i jus checked the sun education centre, jobs site... my thoughts, career, interet n bla bla... i guess i really keen to go for it... but udno how long this field can last.. sianzz... i know if i gonna tak ejava, i shld go for java job..

but i wonder if i can make it... or still end up in helpdesk..............

umm... haha.. last night took soem tang yuan... but sad tat, my family now decided not to make but to buy from marts... sianzz... den wat the whole point?? such thigns, can get from mart anytime.

even reunion dinner oso can skip lioa... cos we have it almost every wk....

well, din really fee like saying wat happened past days...

anyway, hope someone can buy mi a portable fm tuner.. tuner is top priority.. other functions don't matter...

sunday night... i think i slept early... a frn called mi, but nothing much to tok...

den monday morning, woke up n suddenly dun feel like going for work. decided to take 1 day MC. n kinda planned for my day... will go irc chat for 1 hr, den go take MC, den call Sun java ot check on the course modules. den go swim.. n lastly, meet up my date.

in irc, pretty quiet..., so went to see doc.. wah, wait 1 hr to see siaz.. den went home, n brought my dog down for walk. den went off for my swim.. not so crowded this time. but hor, today got 1 old man cruising.. wha liaozz.. his way of cruising is so damn obvious loh!!

swim in triangular route, den pause a while to look at ppl. wha liao... i swam to other side of pool to avoid him.. den oso got ppl wif nice bod n skin tone lah :)

den after swim, i bought bread to take for my lunch.. kinda sick of those meals... so take bread better. took a bus there... wha liaozz, at this hr, can really see ppl from all walks of life siazz... the bus i took.. think go by the long way.. 45 min later arrive at my destination..

kauzz.. i jus done wiht my swiming, so i in veli veli casual dressing.. den when i entered the office building.. wah liao, i feel so "outstanding" cos oni mi in the type of attire siazz... den... hehe.. the staff there.. a mid age lady i guess,, thot i still in army!! i kinda flattered! LOL..

den when tat ended, i asked if my date can come look for mi, for pre-xmas... 2 bad, he NA. so i made my way back to home loh.. den on the bus, a guy... hah.. my gaydar is not workign... strangely, moved up to mi, until i can almost touch his pte...

den when i alighted, i went home directly for dinner.. n went home.. called a frn, but his hp never ans.. called another frn to arrange for xmas outing...

jus den, a so called ... i mean i had wanna take him as my good frn, but 2 bad he dun appreciate... he mass msg mi to join his frn's xmasparty... so insincere...

1) if it's his frn, why is he inviting mi?
2) if he know mi, why can't he invite directly?
3) n he's doing mass msg'ing.. alright loh... i shan't care abt him...

i think i gonna focus on my java studies. for now, ok, last week, i did get a job offer for onsite post. but till now, no reply.. if really so jialut, i gonna focus on my java, den get a helpdesk or programming job, for monash, i gonna defer it again... sianzz... i wonder if will come to a pt when i totally dun wan monash anymore...

surprise... i got a complaint post from someone... hahah... really surprising...

tonite, shrek 1 is showing... in the morning, i was thinking... ill jus stay home n watch it.. if he ask mi out (IF), i'll tell i wanna watch the show.

but... at this point.. i dunno... not even sure if he'll bother to ask.

not sure when i'll update again... perhaps when i'm better?

anyway, i went swimming sudenly on sat morning... saw someone who seem tob e from my unit, but he said not.

come to think of it (since i've kinda cooled down), my date seem to... still bother to treat mi as someone who he care for... but he... either dun wan to show it, or he's holding it back...

had promised to buy him a xmas gift... thinking abt the happy times, it kinda erased... or overwhelmed the bad ones... as for the unhappiness, i'll tok to him abt it...

but dun worry, i wun kill myself.. wun collapse... i not so easily defeated. i hope.

jus need time to recover myself... think n plan... hopefully it wun take too long...

had thot of not updating my blog for soemtime, or even, take it offline for a while... may or may not do it... wif my mood down the drain, dun quite have the intention to still update it...

going thru the downs of my life... lonely, r/s prob... , directionless, aimless, goaless.. esp when my date... seem to shower his care only when we are outside. dun seem to bother when we din meet, or toking on the phone... at times, i show my mood... by not toking much.. he jus ask "r u alright?" i nod. den he does not ask again.

or, past few days, i been so onzz to meet up wif him n tok.. but this time, i am totally inactive to meet up wif him.. even for bfast, i last min cancelled it... he dun even bother to ask if i alright... n show mi his attitude as well.

alright, for bfast, he did ask if i alright... i told him i'm fine. n he took it for real. come on, we'been going out for 1 mth... i've always been keen to meet up. if i cancelled it last min, am i really alright, or merely passing a remark???

he msg mi, i confirmed bfast wif him last night, yes. why i suddenly cancel it. i replied the same msg i sent earlier on. he said "understood". understood wat??

i actually thot he'll sense somethign's wrong n visit mi. know wat? when i msg him 30 mins later tat i wanan lunch wif him, he told mi he is meeting his close frns for lunch.

so, what's this???

i sent him, "have u cared abt my feeling, or wondered how i felt?" he told mi he'll ans mi when we meet for bfast tmr. now i've cancelled it suddenly. he's alright wif it.

Period.

somehow i feel tat my world is beginning to tumble... (rite word, correct?)

nevertheless, i still went on to join poly gathering... dozed off on the buss...

joined them for meal.. din feel like eating.. depression? dunno...

but they stayed there for quite long, so i still ate something there.. as i got hungry liao.

wah, got quite a few nice looking dudes siazz... LOL

din feel much like chatting... was more of a passive guy.. except at times, really cant bear, so i tok... then later went up to cafe to chat furhter,... spent the whle night there toking... wah, my frn once again tried to tok mi into going biz wif him siazz..

strange.. for these poly frns, i enver gave them my diary page... but for a close colleague of mine, i actually gave her... funny...

haha.. oh ya!!!!!!!!!! on my way home, wif those frns, got a guy who sittign opposite. i have been noticing him since he came onboard.

llong sleeve shirt, but folded up to elbow there. den his physique quite sturdy looking, excpe for perhaps flabby tummy...with his sleeve folded, he look quite manly n was wearing specs.. kinda like... sturdy guy in gentleman clothing.. LOL...

cos he sitting comfortably, i took out my hp cam, n poised to take pic.. but kauzz.. my frn "whispered" - wah, see yandao, wanna take pic.. how many u taken liao? - damn! wif his words, the guy took precaution, and leaned forward... damn it... big mouth...

den got home ,roommate left a msg for mi... well.... nothign to say...

n hopefully, this period of time, i dun require a shrink yet. most probably due to stress? not yet a nutcase...

i think i 'm feeling some emotions of mentally unbalanced... due to frns, r/s, studies, work, future...

finally decided to go for poly frns gathering... but may change mind later

jus came back from toilet... wah.. jus when i did my biz, a guy came into the toilet, he quite nice looking siazz... after washing my hands, i even stayed outside the toilet, waiting for him to coem out siazz!!

later, he did exit, n went into his office LOL.. i know where he is liao.. wha fancy doing such thigns.. waiting outside the toilet for him LOL

duno wat's come over mi... poly frns gathering.. not veli sure if wanna go anot... felt no motivation at all to go... frns' gathering? dun have the urge to go..

my life is experiencing its ups and downs... nothing much more to say abt my life.. got lotsa things to settle myself... studies, work, money, rented room, frns... 2005 gonna be my special yr.. cos dunno will b good or bad...

had a tok wif my close frn ytday, know i am supposed to do liaozz..

wanna call up a frn to check up on billing options... but thinking how i was kinda treated (although may jus b my imagination), i have 2nd thots abt calling him..

hehe.. now totally nothign to do... paper oso finish liaozz...

in my impression... it seem like my frns are all drifting apart.. i mean drifting away from mi... close frns are movignt o Oz for studies.. den a few hanging out frns... oso.. kinda.. spread till dun wan to call them oso... cos... they dun bother claling mi out... well.. alrigth... umm... nvm...

dunno... am i 2... emotional? really?

cos tmr is 1 mth anniversary.. called him out for meal or meeting.. he say got sore throat.. well we both like to surprise each other.. wonder if this is a surprise oso...

but if it is... i realyl wonder if i will like it... like.. give ... it's an anniversary to mi.. den he say he not free... spoil the meeting... i disappointed... if he show up later, i wonder if i will be surprised n happy.... really...

maybe dun like such... unhappy n disappointing surprise? dunno...

hehe... my first month anniversary for dating...

mon at last min, i managed to get a frn.. hehe.. a master :) to go wif mi.. hurried to book tic... den mon night... wat i was doing huh? not exactly sure... nvm...

den tuesday came, haha.. i actually planned to take half day off from work.. urgent type.. jus to go see my amei./.. went off at 430 to see her.. reached vic hall at 6+. sighzz.. due to last min changes, my frn n i was separated. end up in the hall.. we oso separated...

anyway, when amei came out, we screamed as usual... but somehow, i got a feeling this is her farewell concert... and the bad thign is, we cant stand up... muz b seated....

odd... she was singing live yesterday, but her voice.. seem to have lost the moods... fast songs she sure can.. but slow ballads, she does not seem to have the mood to sing them.. she can stil project the emotions, but the touch is not there it seems... her soul seem not there liaozz...

den tok dinner wif the frn... n he sent mi to the busstop... got home, roommate sleeping liaozz...

den suddenly, my date msg mi he feeling down... n wanna go bfast tmr morning... n my family oso say morning bfast cancelled... so i agreed...

den hor, next morning, went over.. hahah.. he jus woke up!!! den he came down n took bfast wif mi.. nc hatted a bit.. hehe.. can feel tat he hinting something :D later he wanna go up to rest again.. n i immediately told him abt wat i think of those short emets...

so he made up by going out wif mi... hehe.. while he went back to prepare, i took the time to buy some health stuff for him.. haha.. he was touched :)

den after tat, i hurried home for family dinner... n after dinner... went to find him again... when i was shoppign wif date, i told him... i needed to go off at 12mn... den he dun get my meaning.. hehe. nvm loh.. n had intended to go chiong... but later frn cancelled it.

oh ya, in morning, wnana call frns out for chiong, but they all had gone the night b4... liaozz.. go chiong never ask mi.. win loh... i displeased liaozz...

den after going out wif date (wah, my diary this time is pretty messed up!!! hahah), i rushed home to iron my clothes for the week... hehe...

well, on saturday, cos fri nite, my date really made mi kinda mad... he was veli aplogetic... ask mi for bfast... he din plan where, n wan mi plan as well. at last we met up.. i totally mad at him.. dun feel like toking at all for the whole morning, i din tok at all... he oso kinda bochap... he jus keep apologising... but i not looking for tat!! sorry dun cure!

when ppl are mad, do they expect a mere apology??

later, he keep asking if i dun like this/tat.. but never get to the gist.. liaozz.. den i shouted i wanna sit down n tok.. dunno if he heard.,,, later he almost wanna go home... we got to mrt.. i simply walked away. he followed den i blasted out - wat is happening to us now??? he dun bother to ask wat i thinking, or wat caused the silence in mi....

but thigns went on well in the end haha..

he was tired so went home sleep.. i went home to do my Pc stuff oso.. n later... ehhe .. some interesting stuff hapened ;)

alone in the room,
trying hard to control my tears
they still came down eventually
what's wrong with me?????

why am i so the damn fucking emotional????????????????????????//

damn.. saw the conversion rate for Oz is pretty good.. but 2 bad still muz go down inperson to do it... gonna do it tmr... err... ya tmr... hopefully will get a good rate

last night, went for buffet dinner at some *dunno real or not* high class restaurant. supposed to be international. but the food is so.... asian... oh ya, outside the restaurant, the menu is written as jap n chinese.. but kauzz.. international?? for asian cuisine?? might as well write "asian buffet" or "inter-asian" even better...

hehe inside there, got 2 cute waiters... alright, jus 1.. the other is nice looking... but tat cute waiter.. seem like on duty for short while oni.. if not, muz b serving the guests inside the conf room..

toking abt the nice looking waiter, whenever he pass by, i sure look at him... den.. got 1 time, need him to clear up some dishes.. he clear up, den we joked with him, he giggled haha.. saw his smile LOL...

den carrying my FULL stomach, i went home... but when got home, i concuss liao.. simply dun wan bath or anything, jus laid on bed n dozed off...

strange.. or rather nvm, cos thot rommate may have at least woken mi up, tell mi my lens is still on.. n last night, my sleep pattern is unusual oso.. head is on other end of bed. n din clear up much n jus slept..

abt 2+, i woke up (LUCKILY!!), and cleaned myself up.. den use PC for a while.. strange lei... my mails.. if use NAV to scan incoming, no host is found. if dun use, den can.. funnie... but phew, later i still woke up on time for work!

haha.. ytday i went to toilet.. den on my way there, got stench of cigar... felt it so disgusting!! den as i got into toilet, there was another smell - chlorine. haha.. i felt it's much better!! LOL... *sperm is the smell... i thot*

come home, jus did things myself... fixed my shoes... he offer to help ,but i dun accept... stubborn, yes.. so? later, i went to fix my pc... he indeed changed his user to power user... so can install his stuff.. i changed back.

den he fixing my shoes for mi... i bochap...

den this morning, i woke up, changed, and saw he din cover his calf with blanket, so i helped him.. he woke up...

last night, as i reading my book (after fixing my shoe), he oso sat before mi, staring... i din bother.

ytday was quite an ok day.. took quite a number of calls...

date is busy with his work... so went home to watch charmed... kauz.. my rommmate is using my account in the computer. if he use tat, then wat the pt of having 2 diff accts??? his acct got restrictions, so he freely use mine?? den wat the pt of creating tat acct??

i din log off in the morning, so tat i cna do things... den he oso dun wna log off... kauzz... reboot my pc...

den this morning..roommate really went off for work.. n he bought instant noodles oso... heeh.. hope he can keep the good work up LOL...

dunno why, this mornign i pretty happy.. good mood.. on wayu to work, i cna even hum songs isazz... but i still thinking abt my future...............

work was as usual... and as relaxing as usual... tok to a online frn, checking wif him the current programmign mart.. damn jialut.. cos the influx of china n indian ppl.. shld i go to Oz? So that it will be the same scenario for mi? influx of asians into Western?

But as a citizen, i shld have better chance right? If not, perhaps i go into local / MNC / govt places loh sighzz!!!

den after work, went to join my frns for some events... umm.. quite ok lah... jus tat, too bad my family dun support it...

had wnana go n visit my date, but he dun wan lei.. he is sick.. den dun wan mi go.. ok loh.. let him rest...

oh ya... the hair dressing session...

got a new shampoo staff... he dun look fantastic, but merely a moderate thin guy... jus tat his hair quite havoc. wah liao... thot of having haircut, but the hairdresser suggested i still color my hair... i told her i wnana bright color.. she said color dull, den highlight bright... will be better... alright loh.. in all $91!!!

but hor, maybe they busy, they din do anything when the fallen hair landed on my pants.. siughzz...

woke up... mon morning... err... rommmate supposed to work liao... but.. why he no need go out? nvm, went for work... but later... DAMN IT!! i suddenly develop headahce in mid day!!!

liaozz... take MC will be a waste liao lerzz!! decide to challenge myself n eat to my fill... wanna resist the headache, or rathe fight the headache with food!

few hrs later, headache improve liao. .. hehe.... called my date, tell him abt headache, he ask abt my condition.. n i murmured sweet nothings to him~!! he den say he toking serious stuff... haah... i played along "i oso toking serious matters.." he giggled!

den asked him out for movie... ya i watched this show liao, but it not bad, n he din watch yet.. so y not? called another frn out... he joined us too... thot rommmate will sure follow suit.. hahah.. true enuff... he din come out cos he going to soccer game haha...

in the cinema, date's laughter was quite cute n amusing.. at times quite horrible!! LOL...

den sent him home... n i went back to sleep... frn did ask mi wat made mi so angry i dun wanna tok to roommate.. well why shld he bother to find out?

oh, this rmonign, he did wake up

sunday morning, he had wnana take bfast wif mi... but 2 bad, i got family bfast... after bfast, had wanna fix the new DVD player at family, but no chance to. At night, after dinner, got home n saw roommate there.. wah, at home so fast??

slept till next mornign... din tok a line..

at my place, bought wine, and snacks over... when back at home, wah, he tidied up the place siazz.. n while i fixing PC, he was resting on the bed... eheh...

then comes mornign...

oh ya... ytday at the movies.. cos kinda late, din have proper meal... so went to buy the movie combo meals.. den went home.. felt not hungry, so din take anything.. liaozz.. in the end, in the morning, i felt my tummy groan.. den early in morning, rushed to toilet to relieve myself... went to take bus to work, den on way oso tummy problem... finally.. got to work n tummy still problem ehre there.. sianzz...

went to neighbourhood for dinner.. wah say, he willing to pay 20++ / person siazz!! and had a fun and fulfiling dinner!! teased him a few times... but atlas, we went to a shop where i saw wat my ex bought for mi... damn sad... stayed for a while, n got pretty down... went out of shop to relax n calm down....

took a few minutes to get over.. was quite down tat time... thot my date will actually convince mi to say wat's wrong with mi... but nope... i know i wun tell him directly, or even keep saying "i'm fine"... but well.. alrigth, it takes time for him to know mi...

den later, worse, as we window shopped, he was gazing at the condoms n were so damn excited abt it... saying things like "wah, this is new design!!!".. who cares.. it dun bother mi... i never use them.. why bother telling mi?

den, strangely, i met my ex in the sports shop... was quite stunned, and surprised to see him.. almost wanna hug him... toked a bit.. nah, he dun wna exchange nubmers...

den i joined back my date.. toked as usuall.. den went down to sit... i know he tired, so i walked faster to find a seat for him.. den, suddenly i lost him! i turned around, n saw him somewhere in the back. wah liaozz.. asked mi where to sit, i pointed the floor at him... then i jus walked str8 to fast food place to sit down...

toked to him as usuall... den haha.. i teased him.. cos he said "ya, i know i not handsome enuff... u oni playing wif mi", then i replied "is my acting skills so bad???" hahah.. made him pretty pissed siazz!!

den he decided to come my place for the night.. god knows wat he thinking..

den later, i went home to reformat my PC... smooth reformat.. surprisingly haha...

den install thing properly oso.. everythign download new things... hehe.. everythign quite smooth, less those stil need testing type.. but how come hor, my videos still got problems editing har??

den evening tiem, recv msg from my date tat he free for the evening.. hehe.. i promptly rushed out.. he told mi he at the platform waiting liao... i went up, found him sitting there waiting for mi.. wah, kauzz.. wat if i get there late lei? den oso, he din even plan where to go dinner when he wnana go nmet mi upstairs... anyway, we did go for our dinner in the end...

update later...

saturday.. checkec my pc.. but nothing much wat...

thot something drastic... perhaps before rebooting, something drastic happened. anyway, early morning, woke up at 9.. saw my date's sms... heeh.. asking mi for bfast!! i immedialtey called to arrange... went off for bfast then... umm, from my place, take bus is fastter... but he more used to mrt.. ok loh..

but end up walk a long way. till he complained.. then.. during the bfast, hehe.. chatted loh.. n enjoyed the meal. after tat, he wanna go home rest. advised him to come my place, at least can rest more. but he dun wan.. saying later still need to go home n change before going out. up to him loh.. i wanna send him home, but he INSISTED he dun wan..

continue later...

we went for a chat in nearby pub... quite nice place.. den my date finished course n wan join us!!! hehe.. while waiting for him, i ordered a drink which name sounded nice... haha, in end, i was teased tat it's lady's drink. DAMN@!!!

den he came, n we chatted... hehe.. his eng not tat gd.. so as i toking to my frns he unable to join.. wah liaozz, we were damn loud.. chatting every single thing in the world.. n my frns were pretty outspoken siazz.. hahah.. so fun to chat wif bosom frns.. jus a handful of them, my day passed easily.

the day was quite enjoyable loh :)

den went for our dinner at a fastfood. my date dun wanna eat such food, den later i accompanied him back to his house for dinner.. wah, our chats (wif frns) are so humourous siazz.. n witty... LOL...

den, strangely, i acutally met 2 of my poly frns siazz.. tat long time no see.. 1 is a ger, who switched from IT to teaching siazz..

den met HI frns.. tat CUTE GUY!! he happily married to his gf since sec days.. COOL.... den took dinner n went home... at home..

soemthing drastic happened to my PC. .dunno wat yet.. din see properly...

den thurs, quite enjoyable day.. at work.. still the same sianz attitude...

work halfday.. den went home to prepare my things.. roommate is there oso.. but we din tok at all.. umm... hwo come hor, till now, i still tok about him har? why do i still bother to mention??? i dunno too...

i prepared n left for haircut... planned to meet frn at 330pm, orignally, my timing is correct, but the haircut was delayed i mean, pro-longed... or.. nvm... the time taken was longer than usual. in end, i was late for meeting my good frn who came back from Oz... heeh.. but i kept on lying to her abt my timing.. wah liaozz, i know i can't lie for long, but jus wanna delay it... den when i got there, she blasted at mi hahah.. as expected... n i was again the "hen-pecked" guy haha...

met up, toked n proceed to orchard to meet other frn of mine... wah, damn fun n exciting siazz!!! cos somehow, she really tat kind of precise timing ever since she came back from Oz.. so.. for mi, she gave a grace of 10 min to get there haha... for my frn, wah even worse.. even countdown to the secs. but was fun.. cos really rushing to meet the timeline haha..

den finally we met up, she demanded explanation... n things went on as usual...

hehe.. ytday, was doing halfday, n answering calls, so din update at all.

hehe. these days, been spending time with my date so much haha.. everyday is a new day to me.. can i say i feel happier? but due to having ppl (read: date) accompany mi to places or interests, to tok, or to kill time? not sure abt tat... the point of having a bf.. is to share your troubles, woes... and ideas, thots, happiness, and ur time right?

anyway, wednesday night.. he came over to my palce, haha.. we seem to enjoy giving surprises siazz... he said he tired from work, den i jus KO'ed, so i told him... alright, when he said he tired from work while we discussing plan later, i felt tat he... kinda no wish to plan to meet... i was disappointed for a moment.. but later, as minutes (read, it's minutes not while) passed, i soon wnana think the good side..

den later, i KO, n msg him i going over to look for him.. wah liao, he replied he coming my place right now haha.. so i msg him, alright i going back home... haha... den hor, i ask him where he is, he dun dare say hahah...

met up wif him, n enjoyed time.. but heheh.. got some hiccups here and there stil lah.. but things still went on fine haha..

later he even came over my place... n I FED HIM!!!! FED HIM WAT I BOUGHT.. FOR MYSELF HAHA

a cool day~!!

somehow, really dun feel like toking to rommamte... morning, he sms mi something. i read. no response from em at all.

then, late noon, frn sms mi same thing, i called back. den he passe dhp over to rommmate. no wish to tok to him, i asked for my frn back to hp... not giving him any chance to speak to him. he also commented to frn tat i wanna speak to frn. correct. true. no wish to speak to him.

had dinner ... err.. jus checked my blog for yesterday's entry... wah. even i myself was confused siazz!! wah... tuesday entry said i had dinner.. err... but i had wanna write tuesday stuff.. wah, finally i understood tat, tuesday stuff is toking about the night before siazz.. *blush*

tuesday night, after knocking off, had a nice chat wif colleagues to discuss issues. den went for gathering dinner wif sec sch frns.. wah.. the traffic jam quite siong... had wanna go for cheap dinner.. but they choose buffet dinner of 30++$.. dinner not bad.. or rather jus alright..

rommmate msg mi, he not coming back.. so wat? used to it, and dun bother mi at all...

hehe.. met up wif him... haha.. he was late for 10 mins!!! liao.. really muz tell him earlier timing siazz!!

had a nice dinner... hehe.. n chatted lah.. when we walked in, wah, attracted some attention siazz.. he dressed in casual home wear, mi in proper work attire :D

after dining, he wanna send mi home, but i oso wan :) later hor, just we reaching mrt, we decided to chat, n ended up going outta mrt again.. umm.. think he was wondering y i so queit.. so he thot i wanna ask him some qns.. but i jus wanna chat loh...

knew him more n better.. later i sent him home oso. haha.. he damn FARNIE!! i lived in his area for 10 yrs, den he worried i dunno how to walk home.. hahah!!!

den, got home, n roommate is using PC.. din tok at all.. think he was peeping at mi at times. well, isn't this wat he wan? he ask mi qns, i answer. nothing to tok mah... as he said. yes, i rmb this line. yes, i wun forget.

e only puzzling thing is, after his training, why is he still home?

den my date called mi... saying will meet mi tonight... had nothign to tok at all... was wondering wat actually happened... den he msg'ed mi soem more stuff... n i think i knnow wat he was trying to do... n my mood changed for the better... :D

den morning, woke up quite early... n went for bfast.. wah this time i oso du lan abt my sis liao.. tat during bfast, fior the first time, i dun sit beside her at all!

i think she kinda zat teo oso... n for the whole meal, din look at her at all.. totally ignoring n bochap her.. later she striked a conversation wif mi.. den.. our ice kinda melted...

den when things are done, i went home to settle PC stuff... den hor, my roommate actually sms'ed mi to record a show for him.. i replied "i not at home, n dun assume". wah liao, fancy telling mi directly to record his show. but later, i did record... cos i know he was kinda rushing to go out, den din record...

but hor ,i... kinda expected too much from.. thot he'll thanks mi for recording for him... but he din... he still din change at all...

so, i continued my stuff of daily routine.

din have any chance to tok wif him at all... or arther, i din give any chance... he wanted to tell mi tat PC got some problem, but i oso din bother much...

later, my date wanna call mi, but i rejected. roommate did offer his hp to tok.. but i either bochap or din care...

but jus when i abt to sleep, date msg'd mi something tat left mi devastated for the night. totally ... lost n disappointed.,. left mi weeping thru the night.. was trying hard to stop the flow of tears, but a few rows stlll dampened the pillow... suddenly, my flu came back. was kinda struggling hard to keep my voice low and my legs fidgetted as well...

came to work in low spirits... totally... no mood to tok... changed my msn from "why am i so easily heart-broken" den "why am i always the victim"?

though we both same room, n teased each other ,we fully clothed at all times!! hehe... n hor, wah his thinking is pretty complex.. really more chim n complex when i first knew him... thot he some innocent kids,... he oso have same impression of mi lah :) but we soon told more :)

wah den, in the end, session pushed from noon, to early evening... roommate's frn came over.. dunno why he said, "u know each other liao right? no need intro hor?" so laxy of him.. but nvm, he din intor, i oso bochap..

den wah liao, i damn hungry n took dinner first. come back, hehe.. tat guy is oredi at my blk waiting.. wah, he recognise mi n even pull a prank on mi!! i dun really recognise his face lah.. but i know his body is nice... den at my place, i suggested drugging him.. n he is DAMN strng.. luckily he played along wif mi.. small sized kid.... pinned him down n played wif him.. wow... his pte is real big!!!

at tat point, i had this thinking: size does matter.. at least for him... den later, a real master came over, and tat started the whole game... hahah... was so fun.. especially the way he struggled.. phew.. he know my limits so din fight hard thanks!!!

was pertty fun!!!

witnessed and learned a lot. but 2 bad, the slave dun wan JO... den later, went back home to rest... den i was busy... fixing my pc... but fell asleep in no time... den my roommate oso no coming home...

friday.. went to office KTV again.. wah this time, so few ppl, after taking my dinner there, i went all out to sing till i SONGZZZ!! sing a number of oldies... hehe.. den my female colleague dedicated some females songs to let mi sing.. wah.. she hor, thot female songs muz females sing.. no wat.. as long u cna get the feeling right.. can mah..

den the most power song i sang was "gu yue zhao jin chen" (ancient moon shines upon the modern city) LOL... got home pretty early... but dunno y i so damn tired,.,. cant even wait for my date's call, den jus dozed off on bed...

roommate came home, saw i lying there.. n asked if i alrigth, i told him i was alright. den i din bother much else abt him... haha.. later received a call from date, n i replied i veli tired.. den i woke up at 3am, 5, 8++...

den... all the way i was preparing for a session in noon hehe.. but date called mi.. to help wif his moving of things :) i agreed n went over... carried things for him... den suggested tat he can actually come to my place as an audience hehe... oh ya, his new place is near my OLD livign quarter!

den oso chated wif him.. seem tat, he not much keen to know my past n family bg...

finally brought him to my place.. sat down, talked... n he rested...

wah, arranging is so tiring n complex!!

den.. tok to him till 1+.. almost 2 am

hehe.. quite alrigth n fun to live myself :)

den this morning, called him again.. this time, jus b4 i hang up, i actulaly told him .. hehe.. said honeyed words to him siazz.. hehe... n i think from now on, i'll go all out to get him :)

i dun think i'm sick or tired of updating the blog.. sometimes jus dun feel like putting any thinking down here... not 'cos ppl who are concerned abt mi are reading this pg, nor due to ppl may actually know wat i'm thinking n pinpoint tat.. but perhaps more to a bleak future...

bleak future, so no much keenness to udpate? perhaps...

right now, umm... ya, sometimes, ppl may read my diary.. so.. nowadays cant really put exactly wat i wanna down here... umm i guess i think of a way out slowly..

right now, future is prtty bleak.. dunno wat's gonna happen... keep my fings crossed? dun even know it means... perhaps another time for mi to plan wat's going to really hapen to mi? my turning point? cos during my last employment, the relaxing n SIMPLe admin job let me have the luxury of thinking n analysing abt my future... like now...

anyway, ytday, was pretty a fine day.. less.. having to sort out some relation issues.. but oso a sucky day. cos... our supervisor announced some changes, but those changes are rather... boliao...

after work, met up wif a close frn for movie.. watched Incredibles.. luffed till tummy pain hha.. n had planned to meet someone for SM fun hehe.. but gave up cos meeting frn...

den... after movie, sat down to tok n chat.. although oni 2 of us, but we enjoyed the time pretty fine... this is wat frns are for... joked n tased each other... but i think my lone days are coming soon... sighzz... bleak future...

den jus as we were walking, suddenly saw a lady faint by the escalator!!! i thot she was only pretending n having fun n din really care, till the person beside her helped, then my frn asked "shall we help?" only den, i recovered myself n went forward to help her up...

oh.. she diabetic... ask around, no sweet to give.. even the bunch of teens around dun have,.. n dunno how to help us oso... haha.. i even took her pulse siazz.. den we sent her up to take cab.. but all cab taken liao.. so we caught a patrol car.. hehe.. to think my frn actually took a liking to the cop hahah.. he's not bad looking lah... at least the body is fit...

den when thigns are done, we went back to chat.. hehe... n tlkaed lotsa cock...

den i went home.. n calle dmy date... chatted quite a bit.. n i assured him of my position n stand... hehe..

umm.. been thru the down side again... sighzz...

wah liao, now i finished updating the backlog of my diary... feel so boring n lost...

ytday haha... tried new bondage method on slave.. but failed damn! n my date asked mi out in the midst of thigns.. err... he wanna tok... :)

right now, i n roommate .. i think is exactly wat he wan... nothing to tok... jus yes or no loh.. but i can feel tat he trying to joke wif mi again.. but sorri loh.. no mood liao...

hehe.. on amei sunday, i made a video of her dancing siazz!!

den thx to a frn who working in radio, we managed to catch her in radio... n he oso tok mi inside to take pic with her!!! i so damn excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HIP HIP HOORAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

her voice is still over powering, but she lacks good songs... sighzz...

den when i got home on sunday i think, i spoke to him... n he kinda replied in a soft voice oso.. not those bochap but scaredy type... but i still quite cold towards him..

den monday night, after i came home, din tok to him at all... he came back from soccer so oso quiet silent.. din tok... late rhe went to do laundry. he out, so i switched off light.. hehe.. he din dare/want to turn them on... den in morning, he went out early.. i think to work.. cos i msg him when he's not back at home.. last night, he told mi he not home for few days, but i din listen, so msg'ed him..

so i ask him, he replied, den send some more msg to mi...

anyway, when my frn was there in my room, roommate oso wanna tok to mi.. but i simply dun feel like toking to him.. cos i pissed... but i still blurted out "we nothing to talk".. para-phrasing him.

dne sunday, went home to prepare to meet amei!!!! got home, n asked family if they read my finance plan.. they read. ok, i go back later to check wif them.

arranged to meet frns to go over.. but things cock up, i went downtown east alone. wah, happy n excited tt i went over myself!!!

but hor, quite sianzz lei.. time is 4-6pm, but she came 5pm. but nevertheless, i got crazy once i saw her.. screamed n shouted!! my frn there.. haha.. we pretty close, n ppl kinda noted us LOL.. n he even used my cam fopr his own use!!!

den took bus home immediately to watch amei.. i recorded her part. den at home, tried to convince my sister. thot will be easy as it's good education. but DAMN!!! they refused to support me!! tok abt unity??

so i went home irritated.

called a fetish frn and chatted... oh yeah.. my date came back from msia!!

den when got home, i questioned my roommate on some stuff.. n kinda broke the ice a bit... but he tried to be touchy, n i said firmly "dun touch me".. was he startled?

anyway, dunno when i'll be appeased though... haha.. gues he never made a person living wif him so mad n pissed b4... when someone's cooled down, he can actually slowly use honey words to tok to tat person.. haha...

my anger's over, but need time to cool down still...

oh ya... with the date, he not free tis wk... n i always call him pretty late... damn...

oh.. ya,.. i am dating a person who i met at bowling there... hehe... he going overseas back to msia... n we msg each other pretty much hehe..

haah.. while on hsi trip, he keep msg'ing n calling mi back.. at times, he feel he not worthy of mi.. he feel no part of him stands out.. but i oso assure him i go by feelings...

den since he left, i went to find other frns.. met up wif a bowling frn oso.. went out wif him.. had wanna go movie, den buy racket, den go badminton and lastly wedding dinner... den go chiong. but end up din buy racket.. haha. n knew more abt him oso :) n he dun wan rush here there, so din go badminton.

but some flirting took place hahah... but for him, i cant really confirm if he's more to testing my loyalty towards love, or jus flirting. or really keen on mi... i know he wanna mi.. but dunno if it's more to LTR or wat.. simply dun feel he's keen on knowing mi more, but more to flirting n honey words...

after diner, went to find frns to chiong.. met up wif tat bowling frn. but 2 bad, he either duno how to get ppl into chats.. so i was pretty quiet... even when he tried his best...

in end, he went home first, while i went over to find other frns... this is when i got the sudden feel of love sick depression...

when i got home, he oso came down softly on mi.. meaning.. he spoke apologetically to mi.. like he in the wrong like dat...

but i totally ignored him... simply din tok at all.. he ask qns i oso din reply. went to watch my charmed, tok to frns on hp.. totally dun care abt him..

den next day, i.. suddenly dun wan go work.. so took mc... well, i duno wat time he leaving so i went home to kill some time... dun wan to fac him.. damn sianzz...

forgot wat i did tat day liao.. but used my home line to call frns to chat loh... n complained to his bf... haha.. din expect him to have such reactions :)

not exactly sure wat i did tat day,... went badminton? dunno. but tat day was spent peacefully... oh ya, i think a frn came over... hehe.. after some thinkig back, i think it's right.

frn came over to sleep. he wanna help us make up. but i really damn pissed wif him.. so no use.. din even tok.. den roommate try to make some cold jokes... ahah... but 2 bad, i really pissed n disappointed at him. wanna tok to mi, but i dun wna give him chance. really pissed mi to limit.

oh ya, this was the day i bought the finance plan to family to read...

den tuesday, i was working, den frn n roommate bf called mi.. saying he din work.. i caleld twice.. oso no ans.

wah liaozz.. wat now?? suddenyl dun work again.

later i emailed him to ask wat exactly happened. he then msg mi back.. when he woke abt 2pm. wel i din msg him at all...

when i went home, abt 12am, he was still wide awake. i then asked in a firm tone, why he din go work. he explained to mi. den after some conversing, started to tok to him harshly.. sianzzz... really dunno wat happened to him.

den next morning(wesnesday), he woke up n went for his interview.. for mi i took a day off. went to check on overseas study stuff... den i msg him i meeting him later. he told mi he not sure where he'll b, and will tell mi later. den i wait there 1.5 hr, he finally msg mi back, saying he not meeting mi anymore.

HUHUH?????????????? i waited for so long, n now u not coming?!?!? later he reluctantly came down, n i showed him my attitude. den we kinda argued, n went our separate ways home. den he bombed mi with my complaints. i was... nvm... after sending 10 anger sms, i really surprised tat he can actually send 1 last msg abt making up once again. it's jus too fast!! he was so pissed n angry. i cna even sense him shouting n screaming his head off while he's msg'ing but he sent a peace msg so fast?

well, i'm disappointed by his motive.

wah liao.. quite a lot of update siazz.. maybe i cut long story short...

den knwo tat he's my frn's frn. den wah liao, they keep teasing us...

n during the bowling, oso got a couple of guys who oso look quite good.. but they din come up to chat at all...

after tat, went for lunch/dinner... n i and this guy sat together n toked... heh.. quite ok lah.. both can click quite well.. he paid for everything... haha.. den almost like, i oni chatted wif him.. others din tok much.. wif my roommate, he oso dun tok muhc wif mi...

strange thing: when we reversed, i signalled him.. den he like bochap...

from there, kill time... kauzz... i summarise better... after everything, we went home.. but strangely roommate din tok to us at all... ask him why, he say nothing to tok, n wanna us haev our 2 world.

from then on, i started to cling onto him haha...

last night, went family as usual to take my dinner... but din tok at all. ate and left. sianzz.. why they all so unsupportive of my decisions?? until the extent they spread the word around.

originally, has been happily preparing to go overseas for my studies. been doing researching n fishing info.. but now, family suddenly give mi a cold response... been doing all those research cos by doing these, i was hoping tat family will see my attitude towards it n support mi...

not tat i jus thot of going overseas without much thinking, but i seriously plan to go over. but they simply gave mi a cold shoulder. it's real disappointing.

yes, they are my family, but is this united? i wonder how tight is the family bond.

right now... i've kinda gotten wat happened with family.. but i thik i still bear a grudge...

updating wat happened in the past again...

wah, i wonder how long i gonna take to update everything...

so tat was a sunday... after dancing, i went home directly. my frn supposed to come home wif mi to rest at my place, but his frn, say he going home wif him, so in end, i went home alone. next day still muz go bowling.

umm.. think i'll continue this page...

next morning, was thinking of having enuff time to prep for bowling, but end up i oso rushing for time...

finally set a time n went over.. * i think will end up writing on a new page...*

frn's frn supposed to go.. saying it's a match make session.. but in end, he dun wan go at all. so, my frn invited another person along.. wah liao.. so many frn here/there.. even i getting confused on how to differentiate them liao... tat frn supposed to join us b4 we go. but he too late, so we went over first...

we oso started playing... 4 ppl per group.. got abt 8 ppl there... roommate n bf oso there.. den jus as we started playing, i noticed got someone always looking at me when i return from bowling... n he was oso smiling graciously at mi.. first few times, got the pins properly.. den later the bowls all clear the drain... at all these times, he always smile..

den suddenly he's gone!! i den kindly found it strange tat he standing there ot watch us.. either he so keen on us, tat he keep staring at a group of guys playing, or he is my frn's frn... haha.. sure enuff, he's my frn's frn.

next pg..

i think this whole things jus kinda emphasized to me, i need to depend on myself. sometimes, not even family are supportive. Period. Even though I'll be alone. Lords knows when will this go away.

another disappointing story...

was pretty keen on going overseas to study... but family is not supportive at all... even spread the word around. kauzzz... dun really understand what is FAMILY FOR.

suddenly felt kinda depressed.. back from chiong...

was at a pub, frns toking there... i cant join in.. den, saw froma neighbouring table, there's a cute guy... i kept looking at him.. he saw it too... i had wanted to observe him more, before I make my move.. i even thot of msg'ing roommate to leave us aloone...

but later he went into the pub... and some caucasians went up to him. and he never came out. I wondered what happened to him... i felt so lovesick... and as though my beloeved has been snatched away...

den on my way back.. heard some hussle... some argument, my frn den prepared his weapon.. we advanced... saw the argument was coming from opposite road. we din cross over, but stayed on our side... then i looked and loked.. not stared.. observed tat, a big sized guy was speaking to the ground, and someone was talking back...

realised, a guy was kinda pinned down, the big size guy stepping on him, 1 guy watching it, 2 gers standing far, watching... den the 2 gers shouted to my side "see what see!!" den heard some exclamation tat "later they call cops here" i think i know what's goingon ... but pityt eh pinned guy.. but kinda sound like SM hehe...

on teh bus back, saw another couple bickering...

den, i wanted tot ake supper, but woke up too late to alight... so walked back and tok supper... but supper was not properly cooked.. damn...

but at this instant of the boredom, i saw the pole... n haha.. had soem ideas of how i gonna dance.. :D

den jus as i thot of how i shld dance around it, ppl went up there and danced... but they din do much... jus touch n move... hehe.. i was waiting for them to finish..

finally i got my chance, n i mustered my courage!!! i went up.. my frns were surprised!! hahq... moved up n down the pole, hug it, swang around it, hehe.. "entering" it (wanna say F but so crude!!!) imitating pole dancing movements.. but of cos.. sometimes keep bumping onto ppl beside mi cos i swinging.. even got 1 time, i saw tat i bumping ppl, but i din care cos i 2 engrossed... he paused there.. i guess staring at mi..

den later, i luckily opened my eyes, n saw an arm holding the pole, i went under it.. phew,.. if not, i think will hit the arm n get injured.. damn!! come to think of it, maybe i was protected.. :)

after dancing.. i went down again.. n we went off.. haha.. my frns teased mi about it, n suggested how i can imrpove it.. hehe... cool!!

update another day :)

but still chattd a bit... a frn even dun wanna go up, thinking he rpetty LADY.

later we went for meal, n tok soem more, n haha.. he actually look like wang xi.

den we parted, n we went to find other frns... wah they go arcade centres siazz.. i den stayed outside.. so boring.. den called other frn to tok.. told him wat really happened tat day... later, we joined others n off we went to chiong area... quite fun siazz haha...

cos too early, they dun wan go in yet.. but still went in to kill time... inside there they sw more frns n chartted, but i stay at a corner near them... waved to soeone they intro to mi.. din thik much of them... den went over to another frn's place.. but this frn hor, i dun have gd impression of him... so i stayed downstair. they went up. and came down 15 mins later.. pretty fast siazz...

hehe.. they say the ppl not frnly at all, sarcastic n mean... ehhe.. i told them they can ask mi up to talk back mah...

later went to ynot... wah, so few ppl siaz!! but i still danced a bit hehe.. hehe.. i forgot whether my dance was ok anot, but i jus danced wateever i wan loh :)

den they got sick of the place and went away... went to other place.. wah liao... here is totally different!! so crowded!! so crowded tat i jus stood there nothing to do.. cos the ppl there are gymers... but was so sianzz.. no 1 dared to move.. 1 guy even keep asking how to style his hair siazz... liaozz.. sianzz..

den they wanna mi bring them inside. ok.. in we went... joined the crowd n danced.. the music was still ok... later, the music jus came to a rhythmic tune sianzz.i jus moved. din dance.

i was thinking shld i return inthe midd of the night, or wait till morning.. i heard from frn tat roommate will bring... hey hey hey!!! i rmb sat stuff liao!!

my roommate told mi.. or rather.. aiya, they going to sentosa in noon, and asking mi along.. ehhe. first time to ask mi along.. after our arguemnt... but 2 bad i got something on.. so i went off for my own stuff...

frn told mi tat roommate will bring a frn over... haha.. i had wanna go back n check on tat... hehe.. but duh.. nvm... but i wanan rush homef or family bfast...

den i returned home early in the morning... i thot the bus start 530am. den when check gthe busstop.. liaozz.. it start at 6.46am!! den i took the train instead.. wahm, at the busstop, got those sec sch geenazz... now i know what they do in the wkend...

i went to mrt, n saw the trains tart abt 6.34am. sianzz... but still wait loh.. in the mrt station, got a gang of teens arguing abt some passing remarks.. but in end, sovled amicably. they quite.. dressed properly loh.. not those chiong styles...

den took train home.. the trip was full of old ppl... sianzz.. den got hoem rpetty early.. roommate still sleeping... surprising lei.. den i asked him n den realised wat happened...

anyuway, i got home to take my family bfast... n he wanna mi buy his share. i bought loh den wah din expect to get home pretty late.. den he rushing off... din really say much to mi... sighzzz... is it so hard for him to appreciative of efforts?

den a frn called mi, saying he comig over to send resume.. he came over, den used my PC... i was so tired.. den he wan mi to go wfi him to meet a gym guy,... hehe...

tat gym guy is also those slowly heat up type.. he din tok lotsa...

next page

then... saturday, hehe.. some fun stuff lah at nite.. but cant really rmb wat i did on morning

in the after noon... i arranged to meet the party organiser at abt late noon.. but cos he was damn tired, we met later.. ehhe.. i changed into my executive wear n went off.. haha.. but in the hot sun, it feel so hot!!! so sticky... chatted wif him.. n he was kinda happy lah... n discussed abt wat we do bla bla

den i thot another frn will join us, but instead he'll join muhc later.. so i kinda skipped lunch... n took sandwich for dinner.. den soon, the frn came.. wah.. he is REAL tall.. standing at 1.8+!!! my gosh!!!! he stil say wnana b slave???

well, i turned shy n quiet suddenly... just stayed on my seat to read my papers.

den as time passed, more ppl came.. abt 10 came, den i was thinking "wah, 17 ppl supposed to come, but by now 10 ppl already so many ppl liao... wha... if 17, wont it b over crowded???"

den the thing started... ppl got into their positions... i was pretty dormant n almost dun feel like joining.. merely enjoyed the scene ehhe...

den after 1 hr i guess... there was a guy standing up, "cuffed" up n stripped. quite nice.. but face is pretty avg... den he was led to a sofa, sat down there.. his chest is pretty well-defined. he oredi got a hard-on den his body was plyaed by 3 masters... pretty cool..

his hands were cuffed behind him, making him defenceless LOL... den he sat on teh sofa, letting 3 masters have their way wif him... caressing the chest, sucking of nipps.. wow, pretty fantsstic... but i dun really have the intention to walk over n play wif him.. perhaps cos too many ppl liao. too muhc saliva. his body was played around a lot... the ffront of his body.

but kauzz.. got 1 main master, n 2 sub master (LOL).. the 2 subs, are like jus there to take advantage of the situation like dat... when got ppl tied up, they move over to share the fun...

den the sofa guy kinda can't take it anymore.. n kept falling to the side... as he was masturbated, he was groaning out... wow, den suddenly i was blocked. damn it. had wanna ask him to move away, ut i dun wan sound keen.. so.. too bad missed the shootout scene... when i saw again, they had already stopped... his pte kinda fullo of the cum already.. then they went toilet to clean up...

OH.. how i wish i can have such things oso hehe...

den the organiser keopt persuading mi to join in... i finally gave in... i thot it will be fun like the previous tries.. but this time i kinda regret.... really...

during the first few mins, i did nejoy, but later on, i seriously dun think i'm into these...

spent the night there... cos had to stay there...

fri... dun really rmb wat happened... most likely, i went to office ktv, sang a couple of songs... i sound so substandard nowadays siazz.. cos wait too long to get my song, den no time to practise? maybe...

oh ya.. there, i thot i will be leaving soon... so when i got a glass of beer, i gulped it down.. but later i stayed a while more.. haha.. until i feel drowsy.. n still trying to sing.. damn.. too long nvr sing, n dunno wat songs to sing.. damn...

sms'ed roommate n close frn. roommate ask y i drunk.. haha... den i went home, n cos nothing to eat, so i kinda drunk, got home, took my dinner, n told my mum tat once again, i'm KEEN to go overseas o study. once again, she became a wet blanket (haah.. long time no say such lines, even asked my yandao colleague how to say it)

always say things like be careful bla bla, but i told her i was keen.. so i'll check on the details n get back to them the results... eheh.. really pretty keen to go.. i guess.. for my university study, oso sme thing.. i did some research n went in.. haha.. 1 wk time oni :)

my sis, still ignoring mi... cos had.. soem kinda bitter argument some time bacjk..

e frn who joined in... met mi some time back in mrt, when i was on way to a party. den he started... i was not in the mood to tok then, but when he came, he started the topic n tok abt the party stuff.. den slowly i got into the mood, and shared wat happened then...

then while chatting, 1 of them invited us to a bowling session. to be on a holiday oso.. i decilined first, but later, thot i may jus join in tat day, n tell them i'll confirm later.

den later, we proceeded home... ppl went their separate ways.. n i dinr eally bother to turn around to bid bye... prtty cold hahha... anyway, i was there to relax n get a life..

den while on the train, tok abt the party wif 2 guys who went in my direction... thursday.. think tat's all... den comes fri... ya fri..

chey!!! after writing just now tat msg, posted it, den reloaded the page.. saw tat the blog is there.. how come din refresh siazz

wah liao!!! i din upadte more than 1 week???????????

i kinda remember i did update a bit lei... siaozz

last update is nov 10... last wk,,,

hah,.. got lotsa things to say...

wednesday is eve of deepavali.. frns called mi to go for cash flow game on thurs. well, nothing planned, so i went ahead... but ahah.. i went to irc ( i think so) to find ppl for fun... aiya... dun think so.. maybe i wrote wrongly..

on thurs, i woke up to join frns for outing loh.. for a game.. wah.. i kisiao.. woke at 11, met them at 11+... den arrived at 12+. dne hor, maybe i din take bfast, i ordered oyster sauce chicken mee... big bowl.. $3. den i pased by mixed food stall. haha.. i then ordered 3 dishes.. 4.30$ liaozz.. so ex.. den shared with my frn... hha.. he oso odered big bowl... so had a fulfilling meal... but i still managed to finish all...

at the game there, liao, got 1 guy attitude so bad. i supposed to pay him game cash. i ready wif my money, den he was busy. when he ok liao, he said "where your money??" kauzz!! so demanding?? can he relax a bit???

den after tat, i went for badminton game to join a group of.. ppl

wah the courts was 3, but the turnout was pretty bad.. 3 courts can have 12 ppl play, but oni 8-9 ppl there oni... not tat exciting game.. but still nejoyed a bit..

2 guys.. i believe they are china guys.. both look quite ok.. 1 guy kinda caught my eyes hehe.. he's kinda.. plump lah..but his attitude n skills n keenness on the game took mi away haha.. correct use? wanna know him better.. but no chance.. he din tok to mi.. but played wif mi lah.. or can say i kinda.. tired by the day's game den dun have the energy to tok muhc.. quite pretty quiet for the whole day...

later went for dinner... talked a bit, but still pretty quiet... or even not in the mood to tok... later couple more frns joined..

update again...

http://www.shockwave.com/rd/cr.cgi?k=209160717&c=1058&w=1&d=5476

abt 5 mins time, there's a nice body.. hahah.. not bad :)

another boring day at work...

last night, suppose to meet someone to buy vids.. but last min i backed out... cos really scared tat person is from police. dunno y in the past, i so daring to sell.

so, we finally decided tat, when he comes back to signapore. we'll go his house to look for exchange possibilities.

this time, roommmate came back prtty much on time. wah, and he dressed in long sleeve shirt siazz.. n i guess he back from interview or soemthing.. din tok at all wif him.. the room was pretty quiet all the while.

in the morning, i woke up n saw him folding limbs in cold.. so i used the blanket to cover him up. he den woke up, n held my hand... i oni naturally let go of his hands...

blabbering...

job... study... job: shld i get another job? study: will i be able to go overseas?

i jus recv a offer letter from curtin.. the fees is much cheaper... monash is more prestigious.. so.. which shld i choose?

and, last night, rommate back from soccer... tried to tok to mi.. but i gave a bochap attitude.. dunno y.. really dun have the "chat wif him" feel liao... not regarding $ for sure.. more to... no common topic? n perhaps no wish to tok with him liao...

over this period, i seem to have the feeling, he more into ppl who tend to let ppl make decision.. so tat he can show off his thinking n MCP?

back-dating to last fri (5/11/04), frogot where i was returning home from... went to kopi shop there to have supper.

the place was quite crowded. 2 nearby tables were empty... i went up, hoping to get the cleaner 1, but 1 guy got there first, n bokoed it.. so i put my bag on the other table. my table got 3 seats... den i went to order my food.

den when i got back to my seat, kauzz.. a group of teens occupied that clean table, and snatched my seats away!! they are even sitting at my table!! as though they booked it.

2 guys were sitting at my table. of cos i was unhappy. so i moved the seat so that it made a big bang. i sat down, and looked into the direction of the guys who were sitting at my table. 1 was kinda helpless.. duno wat to do, nervous, n paiseh.. i look at his face a few times.. not yandao type, but got the secondary sch boy look..

den, the drink guy came to take orders. after asking them, luckily she ask mi oso... if not dun think i gonna order. i ordered mine, n 1 ger from the clean table looked at mi.. jus look oni lah..

den all the while i was looking into the direction of tat guy ahah...

when the drinks came, the yandao guy actuallt put his drink on my table. i stared at him. he was like purposely put there 1 siazz.. his frns hitn him not to put there, but he keep luffing off. in end, he did move the drinks elsewhere lah...

den, as i ate my supper.. i saw.. or maybe he purposely show.. his tattoo... cant make out wat it is... haha.. den i kinda .. really lah, i kinda scared abt "will they like in the movies inform their gang frns to come out n get back at offenders?"

truly i did have that thinking... i was even like thinking shld i wait for them to finish meal? cos if they finish and went off, dun think bad thigns will happen.

but soon after, i began to have erotic ideas instead LOL... imagine them coming up to me, den ask mi wat am i trying to do... n wanna gang bang mi LOL...

kisiao!!!

once again.. writing my thots in cyberspace... jus been back from finding mroe info regarding overseas studies... realise tat i need to select my subjs... sigh... duno wat to choose siazz..

sunday, got home... den family sms mi got bfast... nope, dun wan go... jus dun wisht o rush home... later got back home to sleep...

oh ya... my frn ask roommate where they going, roommate say their plan... den frn relayed msg to mi.. i was thnking: n saying... why u telling mi? if he wanna mi know, he'll tell mi... if he dun wan mi know... or dun tend to tell mi, why u tell mi instead?

got home, den slept all the way...

check tat i got the offer letter liao... but need to find the financial support first...

saturday... woke up.. n saw got missed calls.. oh ya, those friends who intro'ed mi to soem biz... kept buzzing mi... wat so sianzzz.. n kinda pissed... they are so persistent they became irrritating...

received a call from someone from irc.. asking mi to meet up.. alright.. off i went... den cos tok to those frns above (they actually came ot my room outta blue).. n was late. at 1pm, he called mi, asking where i am... den 1 25, he called again. i told him i got there lioa.. den he say he coming up.. well, at 145, he din call at all... i cant do anything... he say he cant recv sms, n cant cal him.. i went off.. sent him sms tat i going off...

all the way back from there (i purposely took a bus den switch a train)... n now taking bus home.. sianzz... got home... roomamte n my frn there.. jus sat there.. din do much,...

my roommate later got up liao, i oso bochap... he try to be touchy... but no diff to mi.. he jus a rommmate to mi liao... frn? try harder to rekindle the frnship... he "read" my mind by checking my blog.. if he shld see this, it'll test if he can really understand my mind/thinking.

den later, my frn ask if i wan go out to meet a frn.. umm.. i declined... cos i know rommamte n him sure go out.. nah, dun wan write 2 much...

later, my frn asked a frn out.. on my behalf.. haha.. din really wanna go, but he persistent... alright loh.. join him... but all along, i oni tok to frn, din talk much to roommate.. really nothing to say.. almost like.. sicne no common topic, why tok?

haha.. odd thing... 3 of us met their frn. den we going diff places, so parted. 3 of us took the bus... rommamte sat in between (i let him). i din stick to him, i sat wif a gap between us... realising this, roommate oso kept his arm away from mi... along the way, i totally din tok at all.. he try to tok.. i bochap... call mi cold,unfeeling, but i simply.. dun see the point in toking to him... IN PRESENCE OF FRNS. shall see how long things can last

got there lioa.. to meet frn's frn... i oso din tok to him... at all...

late rhe went to pick his bf.. den came back... but soon they left again..

haha.. den we... 3 of us... frn, frn's frn, mi... went to check out movies... wah, there, saw "their frn".. chatted a bit... n 3 of us went off to chat down stair... my frn call a new frn out.. after a whil,e left for clubbing area.. haha.. den, finally rommate came back again haha...

soon after, they went to clubbing once again...

after work, went to sing in the oficer mess.. wah liao, i alone there.. oni got my supervisor there.. all not into singing... jus there to look oni,...

hehe.. tat day got semi-final for singing competition. some sang avg.. oni 1 or 2 got stuff... n 1 of them, is a sturdy guy.. who wearing black T.. tight T.. den later when voting time comes, i went up to vote for him.. hehe.. i guess i kinda nervous... having a long face, n went up to vote for him.. hehe.. would b better if i praised him mah LOL.. cos while i voting for him, someone praised hima little...

den things are over... but he din win... cos popularity overrode his singing talent.

later, i oso started to sing.. sang "feng kuang shi jie" (crazy world), "guo huo" (over doing), "qing wang" (love web)... no1 i sing quite ok.. warm up n playful song... no2 more to proper singing... no3 a cghallenging song.. ahha.. took unwanted food, so voice go awry

den in the ending... oni a few left.. my sup say the place is quite relaxing.. no need to care whose table... can know ppl easily... hehe... there got a few yandao capts... haha.. maybe next time if see them there, i'll chat up with them hahah... *grinz*

but i lost my umbre there.. sianzz...

got home. and once again, my roommate not there.. ghehe.. jus as i expected :) well, i jus know i think logically n not easy to b deceived. u wan mi believe something, prove it. period

den later, i got home... ahha.. my roommate actually got our frn to speak up for him...

yup, he reads my blog... had a discussion of wat's exactly going on.. well, will believe his words with a pinch of salt. let's see wat gonna happen later...

den in morning.. dunno why, my alarm din go off...

gosh.. now i hungry...

oh ya.. thursday... a very uneventful day... but i wonder if i'll rmb this day.. although i surely can rmb this event...

in morning, i alighted at my busstop on my way to work. den there was a carcass lying on the roadside. i walked towards it, saw tat it's a dead dog lying there... i looked at its posture.

only its hind legs are still on the pavement, the rest of his body are on the road. Its body is not separated. get it?

it's lying on a pool of blood, with it's intestines outside.

I wept. Tears simply rolled down uncontrollably. Tried to control it, but failed. I simply got worse. I called the SPca, hoping for some actions from them. Cos the dog did no die naturally.

But they said they oni deal with animals in distress. If it's dead, there's nothing that can be done.

Excuse mi?? in such a state, how can its death still b natural?!

I kinda talked in a firm tone that something has to be done. They then passsed the call to some manager or leader. I was told to make a police report if anything has to be done.

It's really unfair.

I remained silent for the whole morning. Then finally decided to confide in a colleague. After the speaking, i got better...

Why must the dogs suffer in silence??

just now met up my frns to discuss abt marketing plans again... well, although i may their last hope to riches, I doubt i can make it... I've kinda used up my resources, but still, i lack sufficient fund... can't think of any other ways to get it...

i even rmb that, an acquaintance of mine even told me my love life will improve when I have a stable job.. and it'll b when i'm 25... which will be the coming year... in this case, i wonder if i'll be missing it...

anyway, the job propects now look bad... totally enjoying the free time there... I think i need to buck up on my job hunt... with the IT industry going down, I tink i need to invest in my other talents.. singing at pubs? Teaching Chinese? I even wonder if I shld still pursue my IT degree...

after hang up, roommate checked the schedule again, n "realised" it's showing today... kauzz... of cos, i oso went ot verify too... and i'm correct. so i called them again.. and they agree to watch the show loh...

KO on time sharp. liao.. again, they late... they sms mi, i tell them i there liao.. although i still abt 15 min away. in the end, i bought the tix liao for 3 seater, den they sms mi roommate bf is coming... liaozz.. suddenly tell mi like dat.. went to get extra tic loh.. 1 tic at the back..

took our dinner... din really tok much to roommate cos dun wan b pissed.. anyway, we nothign to tok abt liao.. duno why oso... cant think of anythign to tok to him.. maybe too little interaction, so nothing to say. guess... we living together... umm, sorta... den nothing much to say, he oso nothing to tell mi abt him.. so nothing to tok loh...

when movie end, they went home, i went backt o family to get financial support... they still not willignt o lend mi... although i had promised to do my best n return them the money... still wun support.. kinda argued with mym mum in fact...

returned home disappointed.

saw the msg tat roommate wrote... he explaine dhow he spent his days outside... n kept re-iterating that he dun have monye.. so i wrote back loh...

well, how can someone who can go out all so often actually dun have money? watever is done outside requires money. is there anything that don't? he say he play mahjong... oh.. play 16 hours huh? all day long huh?

i am unahppy cos.. i really dun feel his frnship towards mi at all liao... i've already given him hints, like "if u go out to something tat i can join u surely will tell mi 1.." he heard.. but dunno if understand anot...

so this morning, he came back abt... before 7...am... cos he using Pc, i sat down alone.. killing time.. he den came orward n asked if i ok.. i din bother... jus dun feel like toking to him anymore... if he really cared, he'll ask again.. he din.. so, since it's only casual asking, wat's the pt?

fake.

den jus now, he wrote mi msg, "watever i say, u jus dun blif i have no money.. alright will raise money to pay u back"...

i feel nthing.. alright, i did feel hsi anger... but so? wat ground has he got not to share the load?

den hor, on monday, i called my frn to go watch movie. had asked him to go.. he on.. den he suggested asking my roommate... well, my roommate dunno wat he doing, so up to my frn to call or not loh.. we decided on a movie.

den my roomamte sms mi tat the show is not on... den i was thinking.. huh?? u dun wanna watch den dun watch loh... i called my frn to ask if he still wnana watch... he told mi the roomamte saw tat the movie not on... n we talked abt this for a while.. den i almost wanna say "u trust mi or him?".. cos i dun wan another "roomamte dun wanna watch.. den watch others loh"... but i held my piss, and said i call back later, giving excuse i bz...

later i called.. wat's more, after hang up, ... (contd later)

but i still keen on teh biz... so right now, thinking of how i can contribute. got ppl offer to invest.. but shld i accept his generous offer?

den today, i suppose to meet irc guy.... but he 3 hrs in advance say he can't make it... ok loh.. but the reason he give quite odd.. need to feed his fish... but really lah, at tat time raninig at his place.. so perhaps it's really true.

so the meeting tonite is off... went home to take my dinner...

den, SUDDENLY, another guy called to say tat he cant make it for tmr's movie... liaozz... right from start, i been initiating everything... den now he say he can't make it.. n ask to b on wkend... so i told him directly, if he keen on meeting up, we'll someday. if not, no pt in dragging. he explain himself, i oni repeat my line.

he den ask if i pissed, nope. why pissed? jsu disappointed. if he keen on meeting n going movie, i fine.

so i tmr call another frn to go movie loh...

hehe.. den met up those frns who intro'ed mi this biz... they told mi to try another way.. umm.. well, pretty good hehe... got more ppl willing to help...

oh ya... oso met some ppl from fridae... err, 1 guy lah.. he resemble jean claude van damme haha... pretty fine looking... look better than pic...

den got home n testing my sis reaction.. umm... she got -ve response... ya lah, she worry for mi.. now i caught between... shld i get the money, or wat? i do know the opportunity available... but her worries are not unfoundded loh.. not many ppl can afford 15k...

oopps... trying to start biz... need lotsa money... but went thru all my frns' numbers, but none can fork out even a thousand in all for mi... disappointing...............

been asking ppl for $3k, but no 1 can afford...

hehe.. finally writing for today..

needed to go for haircut... only wanna haircut.. so went at 1130.. but the person ended up asking mi color, and treatment.. 66 oni.. not bad.. so i went ahead.. ahha..late for my apptmt... but hor, dunno why.. my poly frns bad with time planning.. at least from wat i see...

change meet time to half hr later... den hor, when i ready, they told mi they waiting for cab... i ask them where they are, i thot they are my place.. den end up they at other places waiting for cab...

10 min later, liao, called them and they told mi they still waiting for taxi.. kauzz, can't they ask mi to flag cab?? in teh end, i flagged a cab from my aplce in 5 mins... den sent them altogether to the place... after thigns over..

supposed to meet a frn for dinner.. but he have biz to do... so.. nex ttime loh...

haha.. den at home.. oh ya.. for lunch, i took nasi lemak...packet type.. so chamzz.. den dinner, i took noodles.. so poor mi..

den at home, gopt sms from roomate that he chionging wif his date. WAHT??? he job less n still got money to chiong, but say he tight budget??? wat's more, as frn he din ask mi along.. win liao... a war gonna occur.. not gonna let him off...

tat guy who i had 3some wif... msg mi for a session.. haha..

he came over.. and he did some intimate things.. maybe under influence of alcohol lah.. 5%. alcohol..

did kissing... n felt happy wif him sexually... guess he shall be my buddy... will not involve him in SM hahah... he's quite cute LOL... and he said no 1 ever complimented he's cute hehe

friday, confided in my dajie...

my roommate hor, i oso dunno wat's going on.. everyday can actually go out, say play mahjong, den out the whole day.. he not working, finding job now, but yet can afford to everyday stay outside. at frn's place? ok.. den come back here sleep n go out again.. so, my place now become a sleep area for him loh? when sometimes, he can actually dun come back for days?

i dun blif tat, i tok'ed to him n he say his frns pay for him, cos lost in mahjong...

den... this day, i supposed to meet a ...a guy who VERY keen on mi, but i never on him... he always wanna meet, but always suggest touching mi when asking mi out. since he so persistent, i agreed loh. he supposed to meet mi, but jus 10 mins b4 meeting, he told mi he can't make it cos 2 busy at work. kauzz.. i fed up with him liao..

think, if he really cant amke it, he can call b4 hand long ago... i told him to forget mi... n forget he eve know mi...

but luckily... something good still happened...

den the ktv guy jus kept toking for 30 mins n din have real action.. we did exchange pic URL, den hsi replies slowed to a crawl. so i asked him for his hp to confirm.. den at this point, he suddenly say he not gonna ktv, cos his place gonna rain. WHAT??? i even told him off.. n he oni say "sorry" KAUZ!!

http://www.face-pic.com/phunkk is his pic!

den hor, i was so pissed tat i jus told the SM guy tat i in bad mood.. i thot he'll be able to understand but liaozz.. he jus flared up, tat "now u in bad mood, i'm supposed to be in good mood??" "wat a time waster"...

anyway, thursday was spent badly.

continuing the previous entry...

ask frn come out to watch show, he oso dun wan.. n say dun wan watch korean... wah, specifically say dun wan korean, fine loh! copy my roommate style loh... hang up then.

den later i went irc to chat, n find pl for ktv.. wah, no luck siazz.. somemore, got some ppl, chat wif u, they pretty keen.. but later, end up, they joining their frns for ktv... kauz! waste of tiem!

my female colleauge (dajie) online oso, so chatted with her... hehe.. somehow became mates who can gossip...

den someone called mi... or rather sms mi, whether to meet anot.. i think it's tat day lah.. i din keep the numbers, den ask him who he is...he told mi few days back had 3some wif mi LOL.. den i rmb'ed... din think he'll msg mi back siazz.. i mean, on tt day when we parted, i did sms him to enjoy his dinner.. den he reply "sure".. nothing much interest left in his msg. so din keep his number.

but he actually sms'ed mi.. but for sexual needs lah...

so over the days we did chatted a bit.. he's young n energetic... but shan't think too much.. more like a frn... den somehow kept contact...

back to IRC. later i went buy KFC for lunch. wah spent 10$ from own pocket $..

came back home, still on irc... den near evening time, got 1 guy pretty keen on ktv... den we chatted for 30 mins... umm... hehe.. right from the start, got 1 guy SM slave... keen on getting mi.. but i explained my stand, and preferred frnship... so he was trying to meet mi up...

den i oso plannign when to meet.. but that ktv guy kept mi on for ...

*update later*

den few days back, came out to a female colleague mine... we can cliock quite well... den somehow.. almost naturally jus came out to her... hehe.. den was quite relaxed in my talk liao...

while waiting for the vid to finish, i shall write more...

den today, whole day at home... so went to irc to tok.. wanna find ppl for ktv n movie.. called my frn up... wah liao , maybe he influenced by my roommate, he oso dun wan

wah, from saturday i never update at all?

guess i'll summarise againlah///

these 2 days, took mc n cleared my off...

sent my resumes to companies.. but no reply so far...

at times, my hp was detected n had to surrender.

on monday, went wif frns to buy some ointments... had bought it for my roommate, but too bad he DUN APPRECIATE.. n even... gave a despise look (this is wat i feel). on the way back, he sms mi net got probelm. so i told him i get suppe rfirst, den go back.. n he joined mi for supper... tat was when i told mi abt it...

wah liao, damn frustrated siazz... den i din tok at all... i had expected him to at least ... ok, he having some sinus prob tat he dun think is serious, but i bought ointment for him oso.. mentioning abt the nose... hey, i know my nose isn't in perfect skin ,but does ointment help?? of cos it's indirectly telling it's for him.. but he thot it's oni for mi... kauzz...

den all the way, i dun tok at all.. after 4 mins, he asked mi hwo long can they last.. how many months or yrs... i gave a pissed reply "10 yrs". he took it for real. he said "10 yrs.. still ok loh... money still worth"... it's 1000$. seeing tat he took it for real, i said "if' it's 10 yrs, den the company no need to make profits." but i realised late he din hear...

den later in the night, i went sleepign immediately... he asked "umm, u bought new thigns, not excited meh?" i talked back: how can i b happy when someone is so non-appreciative?? n argued with him... his pt is, it's expensive... why i buy... my pt, i know when to spend it when not to.

thurs night.. felt honry, den went online wif cam... hehe... was impromptu decision... den saw some ppl online, n webcam.. haha.. was quite fun.. JO'ed n had fun haha.. wanna him come over ,but he dun wan.. am i kinda exhibitionist? slept at 2pm siazz..

in the end, fri wake at 7, but damn tired.. even dozed offduring lunch break... after work, went home,, wanna rest, but frn called out to meet.. she was planning to celebrate her bf bday lah.. so, brought them over my place to tok... wah, tok until 3am siazz.. was so damn tired but they cant go home cos drizzling.

but hor, the next day (satruday) i suppose to meet overseas frn for bfast... ahha.. slept at 3+.. i think i J'ed b4 sleep... den sat morning, became late for bfast... saw the U-mag got some intro to bfast... had wanna go, but realise i dunno the way there hjahah.. in end, setteld at nearby kopi shop.

spent the morning in his place, accompanying him.. den later when come back,. had wanna rest... but too honry.. in fridae there ,got ppl msg mi... but he too far.. so i went online loh.. haha.. had a taste of mass (invited 2 guys over) orgy... quite ok loh... helping each other do things... but kinda.. concentration spread around... have to pay attention to each others' needs..

den dinner... bought the nasi lemak.. hehe long time no eat...

oh... received rpely from MOM abt my salary stuff... think need to make a trip down next wk... to solve it...

going sleep liao.. so damn tired..

n wah, dunno wat going on, my roommate 2 days no come back... wah.. veli sat..