wahliao, i thot ch 8 show storyline is good. but.. the ending of 1 theme was BAD. wah kauzz.. even my sis, yes it's my sis again, she guessed that, oni someone close to the victim can make the victim drink poison. ok. den near the ending, the murderer was holding a guy hostage in a room. i was thinking, if she really wan, she can kill him in an instant. but, then it's a show.

true enuff, later police came intot he room (it's not locked!!!!) and wanna shoot the murderer. the murderer din care and still venting her angst on the guy. wat?? wat r they trying? door not locked, n wif the gun pointing at her, the murderer jus stood up, din put up any defense... gosh...

ch u 10pm show. now i know why the title is "10 k pounds of fate". wel, the guy has 2 gers fallingf or him. 1 is buddy, 1 is enemy turn gf. buddy did lotsa things for him. but he oso feel something for the gf. it's a load on shoulder...

wel,l in reln, if it takes 2 much effort to msanage, really a lot of effort, and the return is minimal, u have to judge if it's worth maintaining. u cna say it's worth it. but oni u can determine the future. whether it's worth the effort. u'll learn a lesson if it dun work. or u taste the sweetness of e fruit if thigns work well.

if u keep telling a person a truth tat u know, but he jus keep thinking u're maligning him, den jus let time tell the truth. there's nothing u can do. u cant expect the person to blif wat u say, n digest it immediately. he can keep it in his mind and digest it later. no hurry. if he doesn', no pt forcing the digestion.

at lunch, my colleagues tok about relations. these days, my colleagues tease tat a male colleague is my hubby. i'm ok, and defenseless. but i really dunno how am i gonna keep my asexual status for long. if 1 day, i reveal, sure big hu-ha, n i'll b lying abt myself... dunno how to gain their trust. ahhaha.. nvm.

abt relns, they're syaing, if u like someone, u shld accept his past. tat's for mi. my view. i mena, if he ONS b4 knowing u, tat's his life before meeting n committing to u. but he shld not do tat after committment. and then, if it's his person to b a social butterfly, u definitely know it B4 u commit urself. if u find tat he's 2 "flirtatious", u shld not b wif him in the first place, as u cant accept his socialising patterns at all. but if u can takw it, u shld b confident of urself tat no matter wat he does outside, he's still urs.

it's all a matter of trust. it's in every1, every reln. in frns, work, family. esp in reln. u have to trust him if u wanna b wif him. n there's no such thing as a perfect guy for u. u like guy A. u enjoy ur time wif him. but once in a while, he did something whcih u dun really like. it's jus ur own view tat make u dun like tat thing he did. will u tell him tat? or u keep it to urself?

if he's ur frn, how will u deal wif it?

i find tat, for a reln to work, both parties have to work it out, discuss things. give in to each other. this is told by a married colleague of mine.

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reply to commnt:

actually, if it's impt for ur future, will u feel it's somethign great to achieve? if being a hermit for years jus to achieve tat great thing, it's not worth it. but if i'm oni using a few mths, to achieve something which i've been yearning for, but did not feel teh pressure, urge or resolution to get it, wat's a lil sacrifice?

i can't say i'm very happy wif my life. in fact, i'm not. i yearn to go out, make frns, widen my social circle, enjoy life, EAT TILL I'M FULL, watch movie, have a tour. but i can't. if still need to strive for my future. oni if my future has a guarantee can i b satified n slwo down. i can oni say, this is a hurdle i MUZ overcome. including my java n monash...............

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gosh, now is friday liao. din realise i din post ytday's post.

at a certain stage of life, in order to save urself from paiseh'ness, ppl wil ltend to lie. hide their real intention of doing things, n tell u some make-believe reason, so tat u'll think otherwise.. well, i think this is the process of life. some ppl live with lies all their life, some dun hide anything at all, some hold back certain secrets...

n being in thsi helpdesk office, for this long, devoted, n having laughter n fun, n leading normal living life, i begin to learn how to build rapport wif colleagues. oh, ya jus rmb the thign tat i had wanna blog for today. after lunch, colleagues went to Times. cos we killing tiem, i folowed. i was browsing some books. palmistry. den saw some buddhism books. i suddenly thot of a frn, who i can bring to... take a look?, n oso some karma bks written by psychic. teach u how to see wat u missing n plan for ur future.

well, my thot is: i can oni browse. i cant affford them. or perhaps the time to read them. i later walked to the window of the shop. i was thinking, i'm really controlling very hard for my expenditure. am i happy wif this way of living? i make myself eat the cheapest meal everyday, eat 2 pcs of fruits tat cost 60c. i dun wna eat too much cos i wanna save more money... err.. nvm. i'm not really satisfied wif this way fo living, but i can oni say, i'm doing it for my future. den i lefe the shop, since i cant afford it, i dun wan to tempt myself.

tuesday.
sighzzz... TV shows always have such beautiful n touching love story... watching Ch U 10pm show now... the guy n the ger finally acknowledged each other.. as long lost lovers... pretty touching...

n jus now, got a show on job seeking. pretty impressed by hwo the tr dealt wif the "bring CD" issue.. :)

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wednesday.
i am pretty impressed tat ch 8 came up wif a supernatural... or rather scientific storyline. not bad. the ideas r quite fresh. siilar to XFILES. but i somehow not inclined to keep watching it.

den ch u, 10pm show, realyl interesting.. how scheming ppl can b, to reach their goals... hahah. some ppl r despicable, but i dun screw them up, i jus watch n learn from it.

jus took my bath. oh well, i realise i got a hurdle in bathroom. u know, these day the water is cold, n i got no water heater. i dun like cold. so, i will like, spray the water on my feet, test if too cold. if can, i'll start bathing... but whil;e i testing, i will wonder hwo long the cold water will splash onto mi.. ahha, but after i wash off the foam, i will feel tat it's jus another few mins cos i'll b washing my hair... hair dun scared cold hahah... weirdo?

i'm either influenced by working life, or by a frn. i seem to pinpoint wat goes wrong. some ppl can accept it (on the surface?), some ppl dislike it. n cos i'm living by myself, i have to make the decisions at times. being pressed for time (does any1, or can any1, imagine wat i'm going thru? no jus say say "know ur plight, been thru it", but really put urself in my shoes. who can really do it?), i will need to make sure i plan my time properly, no time is wasted.

some ppl mistake it as "so kan cheong", some think i'm irritating. well these ppl, i guess they usually dun have any rush of time to care abt. for mi, even when i'm out, i still worry abt my future. y? cos.... it's my god damn great future. every1 is working hard for it. so am i. i made a promise to myself, not to use my family money for my studies. i really hope i can stick to it. if i fail to keep it, i... will b dead meat.

but over time, i realise tat, i dun have to b so rigid, dun have to b so exact abt wat caused the problem... to my frns. we wan to enjoy our time, not to make 1 person.. or scold tat person til he realise.. or till he's repentant.

i'm still alright, for those who r suspecting. but will focus on my studies, if things go smoothly, i shld b able to recover my social life n get on properly wif it. perhaps by then, i'll be able to mix in wif the general public. if not, i'll probably lead the life of a monk. not including food.

am i a heart breaker? have i become too independent after living by myself?

haha... nothign to blog lah. jus some office politics to say. but ch U show, wah, really veli funnie!! the korean show story is touching n cliche, but the things tat guy did was good n hilarious. den, now, the hk show, wah.. oso another funnie drama to watch.. watch how they fight it out...

umm... i seldom blif in pulling strings... but at this point of time, i'm not sure if i dun obey the rules, will things still proceed smoothly anot... yes it's very vague, cos i dun wan say 2 much...

oh my....... Fear Factor is showing ppl, daring enuff to have their arms poked wif needles.... is this a pain factor, or fear factor?? fear shld not cause pain, but a test of their courage. imagine. 1 needle goes thru the surface of the skin of ur arm, not going into the flesh, but merely wriggles along the skin n pokes thru another area of the surface of the skin. then skin is den pressed lightly down to ensure it's firmly into the skin. gosh it MUZ hurt. not just 1 needle, but as many as the person can withstand.......... yux! but, come to think of it, sometimes it's amazing to see how far some ppl can go, jus to win the prize cash... wow. as a guy (my mindset changes with the env n situation i'm in hahaha..), i'm quite imrpessed tat the gers managed it. i may b scared stiff myself.

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ahha, ch U 10pm show, really showing lotsa funny tactics. 1 ger is innocent. 2 side r fighting to win her heart (duno for wat. i forgot). dunno ... err, usually, r ppl so naive n tend to blif ppl easily? for mi, i tend to trust ppl n blif wat they say. but once i find some untruth in it, the trust is gone. n i'll start to think n doubt every word they say. sigh, due to this, i broke contact wif 1 good aj frn. although ppl say, he's out to make use of mi, but i feel nice wif him. ok, cos in teh show, 2 sides r trying to win her. 1 is a con family. 1 is trying to make up for wat they did in the past, n tryignt o show her the con family is cheating her. haha, lotsa tactics n planning. so fun!

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watching news.. is it really so good tat there are so many express "trains" in education? students can directly go from sec to jc, no need "O" lvl. now, students can go poly without exam. wat's the purpose of havint those exams in teh first place? if we, on the rationale tat they can make better use of the extra time, do away wif the exam, wat good will it do them? got more time to learn more things? n benefit the sch? den why bother setting exams?

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watching news... gosh... right now, blogging is becoming the in-thing now. even got courtcases, infringement of privacy. where on earth can we be free to voice our thots?? but, some ppl, jus tend to blurt thigns out without thinking if it makes sense or anot. this is the black sheep

ytday veli chamzz. got extra lesson for monash. attended it. lecturer say we r tired, so he try to make it livelier... well, dun need lah, cos if we tired, he's oso tired mah.. since we brought ourselves there ,we r prepared to learn n understand :) den class end 10pm. wahliao.. OMG, i forgot to record the korean show. shit, missed it. 10pm class end, 11pm reach home, took dinner (not much left), 1130pm i left for my room. got home, so damn tired ,dun wan do anything. i jus slept. yes din even bath at all. cos the weather so cOLD!!!! i felt winter even whle i'm walking home siazz!!

gosh my asgt deadline nearing... but i haveb't started yet.. n now, i confused liao. my java 310-081 exam dun have any exam guide. e oni 1 published jus 1 day b4 my apptmt. luckily, i found a website whcih got say a lot of theory on wcd. but its disclaimer states, dun jus depend on it for exam prep. sianzz.. am i so destined?!? now reading a 310-080 guide bk for some root information.. damn... i originally wanna, read monash notes on net, on bus i read java bk, at home, do monash asgt. but now, got the java website to read oso... SIANZ!

few days back, mum commented ,in past, taxi r so hard to get. n any1 who wanna drive can jus apply for license n get a taxi to drive. now so many companies are loaning taxis to ppl, but passengers r so hard to get. wa'ts more, driver oso need to pass a certain test. the govt jus let the ppl loan taxis n dun care whether they earn money anot...

somehwo, i feel tat, this is the way the world turns. the rich can jump into any biz that's viable. thsoe who wanna join, join at own risk. if fail to stay on, they have to quit. but the company stil earn. fittest survive. but my mum, perhaps getting senile, or she dun see the whole picture, so she keep lamenting on why n tat happening.

===============

hey les, computer is computer... wati mena is, i tend to go by facts... n b rigid... now learn to relax n dun b so hard on facts.

damn... ytday, i handed in my asgt, den stayed up to abt 1+ 2am to edit n post some pix. i wasn't really tat tired to slp, but i shld slp liao lah. i forgot if i heard my hp beep. the next thing i know, i woke up at 7.19am ahhah, i was blur. how come wak eup so late... really cos i MUZ have certan hrs of sleep? so i rushed, n was abt to leave my house when i check my hp. got 1 sms. sent at 2.33am. asking mi to give wakeup call. whahaha... din state time, jus ask for wakeup call? so i jus called, but he woke up liao.. hahah..

thot i'll b late for work, but hehe, i was nearly late lah. den work day, cos 2 ppl on leave, i was SOOO busy. picking up as many calls as i can. n now, thinking of how i shld plan my time. my asgt 4 hand in liao. den another mod's asgt due in 5/oct. my java exam on 1oct. was wondering which is my priority. i brought my monash txtbk to read on way to work. but... sianzz... maybe i too tired, or simply no mood to read, upon reading 2-3 lines of text, i simply wnana doze off. i think i better change my priority. i'll focus on my java since it's my exam 2 wks later.

having been VERY serious abt life, having fallen down, n picking myself up, i kinda learnt more about living. i no longer am so biz-way/fact-based when chit chatting wif my frns. but when it comes to reasoning n having a stand, it's still fact-based. it makes life easier, n more fun. esp when it comes to bickering and non-sensical thots haha..

korean show, teh ger has regained her memory. cool. she is now tuff n can stand up for herself. i like it. not being a wimp n b pushed around. haha, now the start of the fun story. so, she still not strong enuff to fight the mum/daughter team who know how to act.

wah, he went for surgery to make his face liken pei yong jun... for wat...

cool stunt...

now at 1244am, i finally finihsed my asgt 4 and handed in. sighzz.. i realyl doubt my chance at passing. afterall, i oredi failed 1 exam liao. now not surprising if i fail again. got my results for 2nd asgt of the tuff module. i failed MISERABLY. ok, i accept, cos i really.. haha, totally duno wat i writing n understand oso.

gosh.. i having classes today again, den my laundry, dunno how come, got bits n pieces of tissue-like substance stick to my laundry. damn. rinse again, no use. take home to wash. haha, the web class i taking today, is teaching abt web DB. to rush for an appt, i kinda really decided that i can give the contents a miss, cos wif my DB knowledge, i can catch easily. jus know the syntax will do. watever is taught, i can understand by the syntax. dun need much explanation. now, m asgt hand in liao, i can focus on the web proj.

n i seem to know, y i keep having those dreams...

jus came back from my classes... sigh... got 1 asgt due in 2 days... or rather... 19 sept 05 2359hr AEST. it looked easy, but writing down in words is tuff, esp when u dun have much idea wat u doing is right or wrong. there is no definite right or wrong ans. it's more to how we define our way of answering. the tutor say the usual asgt dun ask this kinda open end question, but such question will give rise to more probes into wat exactly is being asked.

somehow, i think the lecturer is trying to get us to think. the usual asgt maybe more to a std way of answering n not much udnerstand is neeeded. but this time, the lecturer first tiem take over. she wanna ask to think n explore the various ways of a topic. somehow i feel it's her intention. but due to this, i really not sure if my way of answering will live up to her std anot... sigh... 5 asgt in all for this module. 5 asgt in 2 mths. stunned huh? 1st asgt, i ok, easy 1, oni 2 marks to 100%. 2nd asgt, sighzz, total flop. cos i really dunno the topic, so... i do oni the questions worth half of asgt's total mark. 3rd asgt, i do those tat i can manage. i think oni did 3/4.

now is 4th. sigh. 5th?? dunno.

on way home, i was staring into blank n singing to myself (silently). but i did 1 good job. a ger sittign beside mi was covering up herself wif jacket, but still cold. i can take the aircon, so i adjusted the a/c to mi oni. she thx mi in person ahah. den for dinner, i saw there'a new guy at the stall. he is wif a ger. gf? dunno. he has the hair color of beng.. umm slightly. den he asked wat i wanna have. but later, the main owner took over. however, he still the 1 who took the $ from mi. haha, jus as he is ready to give mi the change, i took the chance to jus take the change from him. in case he pass it to the ger hha.

when i finished eating, he came over to clean the table. he courteously asked if he can take it back, wif a smile. i smiled back, n "yes". somehwo, i soemtimes cannot diff betwn cute n yandao. he in the middle, ie. he's kinda cute, but not those cutie pie. not exacly yandao oso. thus, in the mid. some ppl may jus conclude he's cute. mi, now he's still in mid. maybe if i see more of him, will find him cute? haha, right now, he;s the motivation for mi to head there haha... jus seeing him gd enuff...

hope no 1 get offended haha...

watching ch 8 "nurse show". the couples in the show started off bickering wif each other. now, they r a pair, n find it quite odd to be romantic, n lovey-dovey. haha, dinno tat... i'm sure this apply to real life oso... dinno tat such loggerhead romance can exist oso...

i jus took my supper. damn. as tho i really understand myself so much. i kena flu, den i thot most prob'ly i'll need to take my supper soon. denr eally, at 12am, i know i muz buy liao, cos i felt weak n wobbly in an instant.

i am slightly sick.

these days, really dunno how come. i cant stay up till past 12am. have i become cinderella? last night, about 12am liao, den i once again, felt tired, n rested on bed, next thign i know, i am sleeping wif my specs on.

funny. dun luff ok.

i had a shock. at my age, at this time, i can still suffer from wet dreams??? i really wasn't doing much at night. but i had a dream of some guys.

i was held up in the air n my arms tied to some things behind mi. really up int he air.. like mid sky. n swinging around. the wind is blowing, my shirt is opened up apart, wif the wind. haha, of cos i felt good abt it. den the wind got stronger n even blew to the back of my waist. it was not those joy ride, but machiam kena kidnap or being played afool.

den later, abt 5 guys. in a room. 3, named A, B, C, confirmed to b flirting with their eyes. den suddenly, B's (B is in those office attire) shirt is pressing onto his chest, making his nipple translucent. den A and C r stroking his nipps. each standing on 1 side. 1 moving his fing (index) above the nipp, 1 moving below the nipp. B of cos VELI songzz, n was enjoyign in his mind.

haha, i was actually watching this 1 on TV (hey, i telling it as i progress into the dream), or rather video. but i realise tat TV is showing another nice show. abt a guy being teased by his frns. so i paused the video. switched over, the story is somehow similar to wat i heard of b4.. the guy was lying on the floor, limbs spread apart, shirt opened up to bare his chest (lean guy), frns (not shown, oni hands) were teasing n caressing his body. teasing him like... "i know u want this lah.."

b4 i know it, i was about to cum. i quickly struggled to squeeze it to control. haha, soemhow it dun work, i know i was squeezing, but seem like some pillow or soemthing is still prssing hard on it. den i woke up. ahah, my bolster. tat was 6am. i quickly cleaned up. den i was thinking, hwo shld i cope wif my asgts n studies? i thot of the pros n cons of my decisions, n decided tat, since i have slight sore throat, i'll take mc.

oni this tiem, i tried diff clinic. hehe, was disappinted. maybe 2 used to good treatmt? at the new clinic, i need to fill up 3 forms. first visit form, registration form, n mc form. kauzzz... den the doc is a female loh. how come i nvr met any good looking docs who i can drool over? den this doc oso veli funny. i told her i got sore throat. she asked, so the fever sudsided? hheheh, i din even say, n she din ask if i got fever. jus check if subsided. huh? :P well her place is quite bad bizz, i cna say. come n go oni 2-3 ppl.

i wanna take the time (i on mc mah) to study. so i guess i better eat my bfast, go home prep den go library. it's a wrong decision... sighzz.. i was thnking if i can b full after eating the bfast siazz. so i went to order noodles. i said wat i dun wan inthe meal. she got irritated. cos 2 many things to rmb. she den passed my order to the cook in hokk. i went to sit.

5 minutes passed. meal not done. 6-7 min den come. come liao, she told mi got put soem odd vege. i dun mind. she went back to get my change. den i saw tat, the meal got put tomato sauce. she came back, i told her tat. "har? u dun wan ketchup oso ah?". she took the noodles back, n left the soup wif mi. den the cleaning uncle came. wanna take the soup, but i declined, cos dun c the need to.

i waited, waited, n waited. still not my turn to get the noodles?? i saw other ppl takign their meals to their tables n realised it's self service. ok. waited again n the noodles is here. she saw the soup is still there. n took back her fresh bowl. where's my utensils??? n the best thing is, she went back to get the utensils (i din remind her at all), n chatted wif a customer for 30 secs. i was sitting there, looking at her. a while later, i rested my head on my arm n still looking at her. she den came over to pass the utenstils.

i den asked her, soup? she said, i still got. i told her, it's cold liao. she pissed. n asked mi to get myself. damn service. as i stood up, i saw a husband walking towards mi haha. he looks good. i went to the stall. she was taking some ingredients from the fridge. i waited there. almost wanan shout for my soup. she den saw mi, ask teh cook to pass some soup, TO THE GEENA. i was thinking, haha, i sure look like kid, but too bad, my thinking is not. to mi, a kid thinking is, u give him watever, he jus take without thinking if it's proper anot. an adult, or some1 who thinks, will think if it's alright n no-prob for him to do it.

she den actually gave mi the bowl of soup to take back to my seat. huh?? the soup is hot, n i take it wif bare hands?? she was holding the soup, n i jus took a tray from her stall, n she jus dropped it onto the tray. i held it well. n made my way back. haha, another auntie was behind mi, she seem to wonder wat happened. in my heart, i was realyl feeling, this MUZ b a family biz, so they bochap service attitude. n i'll never go back there to eat. its the first experience that count. if attitude is bad, den nothing can help.

btw, for long time, i never go such neighbourhood place in wkday morning liao. wah, today i go this place eat, see so many AUNTIES buying fruits n vege. haha, aunties' time in the morning siazz. n the kopi shop at my place, now i know why it still surviving. cos it's for the morning biz...

oh ya, the bfast was taken at Keat Hong shop ctr, 2nd flr. when u go up the esc, it's on the right. bah chor mee stall.

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hehe, tok abt chilling out, altho charmed is no longer tat attractive, i cant blif i really skipped it totally... haha...

now, watching Ch U's 10pm show. the guy, ZJH and the ger TLJ, the ger has been hiding her love for him for yrs. the guy had been treating the ger as a mere tomboy buddy. den, he wanted to encourage the ger to go for LTR wif her crush (he dinno it's him). the ger ask him out for dinner. over dinner, she hinted that she wnana try a romantic kiss. then guy den offered. he said he's been treating her as a buddy. but it's just on the surface. he's been in love wif her all the time. but feared rejection from her. he is really in love wif her. will she still treat him like a buddy?

the ger heard these, n was very happy inside her. she cried out loud, expressing her love to him. den as they are abt to kiss, the guy simply jumped away, telling her excitedly, tat she finally made it, but she shld say those lines in a softer tone. den her crush will surely fall for her.

gosh.......... i can imagine how sad she is... as he is expressing his "love" for her, she took it for real. she dinno he's jus puttign on an act. not sure, but i think he shld have at least, told her he will pretend it. at least she will know it's not for real. but dunno lei, maybe he realyl dinno she's in love wif him, so din put tis line in.

shall see how the story develops..

last night din have time to write much, cos GOSH, i got home past 12!! n had to take mrt instead siazz.. on way back, i felt tat i've not taken mrt for so LOOOONNNG time liaozz.. feel a BIT alien.. jus a bit.

watching Ch... umm, Arts Central " Child Of Our Time 2002: Thanks For The Memories". the... doctor? ask the parents to list out 5 things tat bring them both hapyp n sad memories.. they managed to do it. but oni 1 item. at this pt, for the happy part, i oni managed to think of my Oz pals. think of how i knew them. for the sad part, i actually cant think of any. den a guy in the show mentioned "carrying his late dog in his arms". den i rmb i was sad too.

how come i dun rmb my sad events? cos i'm not thinking tat much? or cos i dun wan rmb it tat easily, to make myself live better? n jus now watching Ch 5's villa wellness. showing the trailer for next wk. the gers r fighting to reduce their wt, n stay healthy. den the producers showed videos of their families encouraging them to push on. yes, the scene is touching. i felt the warmth. has the recent happening opened the blockage to my emotions? well, my heart remains locked. still.

i'm saying these, cos in the past, seeing such scenees, i will oni feel, "oh well, some cncouragement". i'll not feel the warmth from them.

somehow, last night while i was drinking, i kinda felt once again i was relieved, or released. i jus wan to dance tot he lounge music. shake my body off... stress? perhaps...

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ya loh, willliam, i almost wanna ask who is the anony guy this time.. * oh well, the docu show pretty nice.. showing how humans' memories could b wrong at times... cos wif an imaginative mind, 1 can concoct an incident into the mind and convince oneself over time (1 wk? 2 wks?) tat the incident did happen. tok later..* haha, ya abt anony guy. den i saw it's u hahha...

wel,l it's fun to have a drink at times. i can control ymself not to be drunk .dunw orry. at times, drinking a bit is good for health :) but if u have been sober, u wun b claiming to be cute... haha..

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ok.. about the show. to cut it short, parents were brought to a room, n shown a series of pictures. 1 of them was during their childhood days, they were taken for a ride in hot air balloon wif daddy. they really dun rmb it happening. but it looked VERY real. but the pic is doctored. they were told to think abt it for 5 minutes every night and come back 2 weeks later.

time's up. only 1/3 really cant remember wat exactly happened... ok about 6 adults took the test. 2 cant rmb wat happened. 1 of these 2 even doubted if it happened. others all concocted stories of how the scene was, wif their parents standing here/there, preparing this tat, n how it felt. in e end, they were told it's a doctored pic.

ok... now, here comes doctor KTV. i was asked if i appear/behave like 25yo guy. well, it depends on ur definition of 25yo. supposed to be matured, n serious as it's 25 yo and working for yrs liao. OR hip n trendy cool n sporty? it depends on how u grow up, ur environment. wun say any1. jus say mi. i dun look 25, yes i know. my actions n behavioour may not b 25. but who determines tat? my success in career? life? frnship? well. i can oni say, from a tender age, till mine, if u did not improve or change or learn anything at all, tat is a waste of your time. but if u leartn and changed over time, u at least have grown up n maturwed to a certain extent.

the more u go thru in ur life, N LEARN FROM IT, the more matured u'll b in thinking. at times, even a person 3 yrs ur jnr may know more than u, if tat jnr has been thru more than u.

at my work today, kauzz,i was framed siazz... den, the fat sup, unexpected ask mi to the boss myself. KAUZ! when soemthign happen, he jus stand at the side??

wah long time enver drink liao. went to chill out. in end, i felt tipsy.. cos i drank vodka 7up at 1 go, n face damn red... hahaha..

got home. had wanna jus blog. but i received my web design asgt 1 results. GOSH!!! i failed!!!! wat e hell happened!?! fail by 5 marks???? wat e hell????? everythign was done accordding tot he marking criteria, den now, the resutls came back, n feedback was, we din follow the study guide guidelines in the design???? wat logic?!?! i checking wif him now. kauz

now ch u is showing korean show 10pm. last night, tat hunk got bathign scene. haah, the negatives jus died :) i really enjoy the storylines :)

this mornign, i was late for work. veli funny. i slept at 12am. den thru the night, i think i same, woke at certain intervals. but later, i woke up at 7+?? how come? worse thing, when i woke, my eyes were painful i cant open it smoothly. siaozz. but i still got to work lah. but hor, wah liao, i boarded bus, sat down on 2 seater. 1 bulky old man... or mid age man sat beside mi. thot nothing. but once he sit down, his foot step onto the tip of my shoe! n pushed his thigh to touch mi. i din budge.

he straightened his leg, den came over. kauz, i pissed. i cross my leg. so my shoe tocuhed his jeans. he moved legs away, patted it to clean it. i still din budge. so, he looked back, n moved off hahah...

work was as usual loh..

ok.. serious stuff...

i think wiliam guy is right. this morning, i was queueing for my bus. i suddenly thot of my situation. yes, i'm still unable to let go of my moods. i am still trapped. i dun dare commit to anything now. thus the conflict. so i think i'll treat him as, wat i told him, CUTE who i can click wif.i jus hope no body bother us again, wif unintentional ill intents. sound confusing? hahah.. i jus wan to lead a simple n peaceful life.

anyway, shld i b happy tat, i've finally deleted a contact from my msn? n strange.. quite qiao... the spider that has been living in my room for mths... recently moved out. n the ice cream vendor who i often buy ice cream from, is injured, n will sell again oni in 1st oct...

gosh... blogspot is not smooth operating.

dinr eally expect CUTE to read the blog so fast. anyway, the definition of cute is, it depends on who u are looking at, n the person is being looked at. it's a feeling. someone can say a person's cute, but that person may appear avg, normal or even, eeee. but wel,l beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.

if u dun think u'r cute, above is my explanation. but if u shy to admit it, ahha,. it's another case!!!

but hor, wat i despise is... or r those ppl who claim n crown themselves as cute. where got ppl so thick skinned say he's cute 1?? if ppl dun comment, fair enuff liao.. wah stil muz say "i not cute meh???".. in end, oni paiseh n sia suay oneself =D

but for my exams, i din pass, cos i wasn't tat well prepared for it yet. for the basic, i had the study guide to prep mi. fo the advanced 1, i oni depends on the lecture notes. but these have no connection to the monash classes i skip.

haha, william pal, thx for thinking it thru for mi... unless some ppl who jus care abt claiming to b Mr Cutie. CLAIMING TO B. wel,l i do try not to "relive" the past, but when it leave some impressio in mi, i do get reminded at tinmes. thus at times, i'm at a loss.

=================

today i went to buy the exam voucher again. 266.75$ again. haha, i veli extravagant hor?? i oredi reserve e guide liao, n intend to borrow it by this wk, den study for it. i jus check my monash exam schedle. 24/10 n 28/10 is my exam day. 19th is my (tuff) asgt due date. so i think my java exam can b se tot 1st of oct.saturday. dunno temp plan still. but tis java exam, i'm determined to pass.

but to buy the voucher, i had not much time for lunch. end up, i buy oni 3 sotong balls for my lunch. cool huh? den pull thru the day. den wah liao, jus as i abt to go home, it RAIN!! pouring so heavy siazz!!! dunno whether tot ake train or bus home. cos train sure veli fast. bus may jam, n slow. but i still decided to take bus. haha boarded the bus. strange, cos i know inside of bus got space to stand, i moved in. den after 2 stops, the guy i facing is alighting, so i got a seat LOL. yes it's crowded.

==============

some conflicts is running thru mi again. i dunno wat made mi conflcit myself. u know, a frn of mine.. my ex-master, he got tix to a free entry in gym for trial test. he invite mi along since it's free. wkday after work. he told mi on fri or sat. i say need time to plan n think, cos my timing still veli messy. den today, he ask again, i say not free, cos wanna prep java. he of cos bobianzz

den, CUTE ask mi if got job to intro. i check wif my frn. frn say maybe can try luck at some pubs/bars. n can probably meet up n see if CUTE can be taken in. i am the mid guy. we decided to meet 2 days later. i originally thot can get them to mit, i dun need join in. but then, they duno each other. i still need to b ice breaker. at tis ppoint, i din make any adjustment to my plan. i felt tat i shld meet n intro them, so CUTE may get job. so i jus agreed to mit.

wat abt my ex-master? is this double treatment? y is this happening? wat am i doing?

anyway, after dining @ home, i actually was singing "2 hearts, 4 rows of tears" to myself. all the way home. i din sing in sad tone, more of jus humming it softly. meaning to say, i din feel scared to sing. yes it's soft, but at least i manage to still hum it out even when i walking past ppl. usually, my voice will go silently auto'ly.

i seem to discover another side abt myself. yes, i've been single for 2-3 wks. during these times, i have kinda not been myself. in the sense, i dun observe tat much in public. in past, watever happen, i'll b observant/kaypoh to turn n look to see wat happen. even if nothing, i'll jus lok around to see the place/env. but now, even if i know someone is behind me wanting to over-take, ppl beside mi n i shld give way, all these eg scenes, i dun give a damn to them. i'll jus do my things as tho i never see them.

n as i said, on bus, i seldom look up to see the crowd n look around. i jus look outside windows, n dun care who r on the bus. jus in my own single life world.

i wonder if this is my after-effect. ie, i givign up on my social n usual life, dun give a damn abt wat's going on anymore. simply living in oni a "i the only person alive" world. i really duno.

=====================

here comes another conflict of mine.

i recently know of a frn. we had declared each other as cute. so, maybe i refer to him as CUTE. last wk, we went out after my class. not exactly went out. we met up for a drink, n later went kai kai n tok loh. he's much younger than mi, so at times, i know y he's doiung some things. i wonder if this will cut down the thrill n excitement on surprises. we did enjoy our time toking, (cat) fighting, teasing. den i sent him home on his bus.

this wk, i wanan relax. cos i know i coop up too much n wnana relax b4 i embark on anothwer mission. so i ask him again for ktv. but he's working tat day. need to leave in early evening for it. my class is 1-4pm. den i was trying to fix a good time for us both. i checked the lecture notes for this wk. seem maangeable. so i actually decided, i'll skip this wk lecture, so tat can meet him up n go ktv.

after routine family bfast, i din tell family tat i meeting frn, but said i going class. i really have no idea. i actually skipped my class to meet him up for a leisure event. yes i can argue tat i need to relax, so alright to skip class. but it's not right. but i dun have regrets skipping it.

den went around shopping, n finally to ktv. along the way, did lotsa bitching, teasing, fun stuff, screaming n making fun. hhe, pretyt enjoyable. altho i'm much older than him, but my size n look make mi seem his age. esp when i dress up in teen attire. i dunno wat's going on wif mi. on 1 hand, a recent break made my life hell. on other, i enjoy the time spent wif CUTE.

he's someone who i can tease n joke wif. similar to my Oz pals. oni diff, he's CUTE. btw, frequent mention of "CUTE" dun carry any emphasis on it. jus my way to refer to him, n my view of him. maybe as he's much younger, he dun have much thots hidden inside him. so easier for mi to click wif him. n we are frns, so the barrier of the common aj thinking dun affect us. cos we know our opinions of each other, we seem to have no obstacle in praising each other, or crude jokes.

we have good impression of each other, so we r quite ok wif certain gestures from us. i dun have qualsm acepting those gestures. n maybe he's thos thinking type, he can understand certain thigns to a level, no need mi to tell directly. n from the ktv, we share similar.. or jus frankly, same interest/hobby. i think i jus found antoehr ktv kaki. he been thru proper trainin so lota things, i can share my thtos wif him. n he's not afraid to "hurt" mi. i find this pretty fun. ie, when it comes to fun, play hard. when it comes to concern, shower it.

can any1 tell mi wat am i doing? wat's in my mind? i'm confused.

as to wat happened today, i gues nothig needs to b told.other than, i'm making a complaint.

jus had a tour of singapore... why i suddenly had a tour? well, for 1 wk, i been... going work, coming home for 5 days in a row. den today, i went for my class, had exposure to after office hr living. have a lot to say. will write them 1 by 1.

for a long time, i not been going out n visiting the "human" world. y i say so? 'cos for these days, i jus been.. as above, going work, den home. all r cooped up in a corner. din get a breather at all. today, all i rmb, left impression on mi, are as follows:

i deferred my monash for 1 whole yr. i attended course for 1 yr, defer 1 yr. during tat 1 yr of studies, i know all the things they taught. know as in, ez for mi to grasp. or at least, i got time to read n understand. den now, defer 1 yr, those knowledge almost 90% lost. plus, ever since i prep for my java, i dun wan delay any time, n so oni watch news. if miss, or din pay attention, den duno wat going on. den din read Digital Life oso. really... danm it, my knowledge in computer really damn jialut. n din read paper oso.

so jus now, in lesson, i dunno wat're platters, cylinder, track, sector sound familiar but still stranger. wat's more, i ask the tr, he oso explain oni surface to mi. dinr eally go into details. i dun think he can explain in tat details anyway. cos everytime he explain thigns, somehow assume we know lotsa basics. den today in class, i find tat, EVERYone was so quiet n so "attentive". jus listen n din ask anything at all. i thot, do they really understand, or they oso blur, but dun wan / dun dare ask qns? for fear they apepar idiot.

if they really know, wat for they attend class? if they dunno, e tr explain liao, they get it, gd. cos they know thebasics, tr explain a bit, they grasp better. but most of them... do they really understand?? some ppl, they oso ask qns during breaks. it shows they really dun get the whole picture. in end, when i ask, i somehow felt like i delayingthe progress of some students. but i dun care. cos i paid money for the class. i know i din read the books or notes, but since i dun get it, i might as well ask. if the tr feel tat oni mi dun get the pt, he shld know to reply mi later, when during break.

if i dun ask, den later, i still blur, wat for i attend class? but later, finally, got ppl ask qns. i din attend the class for 1 whole mth (cos java). den last wk, i oso ask 1 or 2 qns. tis wk oso. but this wk, got 2 students oso ask qns. i feel as though, i inspired / encourage them to.

in the class, got 2 guys who... most metrosexual (it means ppl who know how to doll n take the time to doll themselves up rite? damn it dun exist in dic.com) in the class. 1 of them, he came class late, n sat beside mi. someone passed the attendance list to mi, so i wanna pass to the person who jus came in. the person din see, so jus walk away. den tat guy ask from mi, smiling. i oso graciously passed to him. later, dunno if cos i got too many movements, so he kept fidgetting n looked at times to my side. but i bochap, n kept loking in front.

speaking of inspirations, am i a BAD influence? well, at my home there, got traffic junction. for mi, i understand how the traffic work, when to cross safely even tho it's red man. so i often observed, n crossed the road when it's safe. DEN... 2 times, i notice tat, these days ppl oso start to cross teh road when it's safe!!! damn it!! am i influencing so many ppl, n so badly???? plus, in the past, when after alighting from bus, ppl usually wait at the busstop, until the road is clear den cross. for mi, i will keep moving towards my destination's direction, till i can cross. den lately, oso realise tat, ppl r following my pattern. gosh..........

after class, i went off. trobuled. cos i know, for my next asgt, i again blur abt wat to do. sianzz. den on my way home, some boys are playing balls. i really envy them. they got so much time to relax n enjoy. for mi, i cant. no spare cash. my bank got money to use yes. but i still need to pay for my monash. yes of cos i can ask my famiy for money. but for wat? 25yo, n still ask for money to use? as tho i not working? my mum is not even asking mi for home allowance. i also hope to buy things, n enjoy life, but same thing i can't. i need to fight for my future, n go for it. i know i'm still leading a tuff life. every workday, i spend about $2 for food, 60c for melon n half an apple. although i oni half full, well, when i get home, i can feast myself on home cooked meal. i find tat, the costly time is on sat. lunch i eat 2.50 + 80c. n finally dinner is 250-3$. even these i muz calculate clearly.

after my SCWCD (advanced java) exam, i thot i can b transferred to programming dept, n earn more $$ , have a better life. n wif someone, pave a better path for our future. but none happened. i'm happy tat, till now, tat prog dept stil lkeen to offer mi a job. thot tat after getting more money, dun need to chamz life liao. but i think my big break is not here here. i stil need to strive a while, b4 i can. i'm not gonna give up. cos nothign will happen if i do. n i'll have nothing too. n i hope to fight for my future together wif my Oz frns.

den i oso saw some ppl playing rollerblade. is there a new design?? cos their blades seem to have a gap between every 2 wheels. sighzz.. so much temptations. long time din ice skate. long time din roller blade. $$. the cause of all evils, but oso the road to happiness.

went down further to take my dinner. on teh way, saw another sec sch boy. wah liao, he seem fashion disaster siazz. he wearing a dark (blue) pattern shirt. den it's those baggy type. top 2-3 butts undone. den bottom 1 or 2 butts undone oso. as he walked towards mi, wind was blowing, i saw 1 side of the shirt blown up, revealing his left tummy. he was shy n paiseh, saw my eyes, pulled the shirt back, n looked very-scaredy-boy at mi. i was stunned at his dress sense. i dunno how to express tat thru my eyes, so, my eyes were on him till he almost reach my 180 deg.

he shld have worn a smaller shirt... oh well, still depend on wat image he wnana proj lah.. cos i think he wanna sppear sexy n good. den was having my dinner, i ask the uncle "gu ni tam poh". haha, he say "jus say siu tai will do". later when he took it to mi, he even explained "siu tai means less milk. " n.. some "tai" to mean more milk. haha. den some other ppl wanna order kopi, but he din hear, so i patted him to go over :) hey, fish leong.. got new song again. other than the Ch 8 song, got new song again. wah, she is the longest surviving ger inthe music scene i think. although not those "come out shoot to fame", she managed to stay on all thees yrs. well done. kudos.

til now, for those i dated b4, got 2 guys who i still haven't gotten over. 1 guy is from 2002. tat time i met him, i say i still miss him. den he was damn insistent on not giving mi his number again. hehe, now i understand his intentions.

den ch 8 got a show, abt marriage counselling. i watched it. n thot i might as well write down my POV too. i know, .... err... although i had a bad patch this period, i still know wat i'm looking for, in my heart.

2 persons dun have to be sticking to each other in order to feel in love.
jus like good frns, but we can share our thoughts n dreams.
our trust in each other shldn't b shaken jus 'cos someone said something.
always ensure u can trust tat person u r in love. cos, if u dun trust him, doubts will b there forever, leading to no bliss.
so tat, since u can trust him, u dun need to ask urself if he's telling the truth.
always b there to share each other's problems.

seem like, as i grow older with time, my view of Love changes... well, i guess as 1 matures n have his own way of living, his vision of a hot and memorable romance cools down. i think this is why, those who dated since teen days, can date for 5-10 yrs n mary. those who r working oredi, may marry after 2-24 mths of knowing.

n 1 last thing. *been writing this blog since 631pm 10 sept. i know i wanna write soemthing, but cant rmb.* in the past, i was very soft hearted. anything happened, i'll be very forgiving. as long as the person say tat he wun do tat again, i'm ok, and everythign will b fine.

now, when i've been working for 3 yrs, have i grown harder-hearted? on the surface, i can say i have. i no longer appear soft n weak in front. if someone blame mi for something, i am able to either accept it, or defend myself. how abt inside? i'm not sure if i m frank abt it, am i exposing my weakness? for now, i can oni say, for those who know mi, if u did thigns tat made mi angry or watever, u shld know how u can make mi ok again. for thoe who wanna know, if i comfy wif writing it out, u will see it here...

jus thot of another thing. jus... sighzzz at my work place. the fat sup. on 1 hand, he was always trying his "best" to encourage mi to do better. den at our meeting, he commenting to the snr, she shld not put in the unofficial items into our itenery, giving tat i, mi, myself, me, yes mi, may mistake it n use it as an official item. she den jus shot out "wah, den i better quickly take out tat item.." sup den say "hey, dun do tat lah".

when i first heard her, i giggled. i thot she again din trust mi n really thot i can't make th diff. but over time, i realise my thinking was wrong. she was sarcastic to sup. cos he actually say i may do tat mistake. so she wanna tok back to him...

kinda feel tat my life in a mess now. everyday, wake up 7am, off for work 725am. work, bitch, discuss, lunch, work, bitch discuss, KO. go dinner, go home, watch Tv. all so routine. am i really so bored wif such life? as the start of the wk, i oso, damn sianzz.. going work again. den, today finally last day of wk, i was excited, som,ehow. these days, my programming self came back to mi, i had wnana do programming for my office. somehow, i really getting tired of helpdesk jobs...

den, i realised tat, if i really put my heart to singign a song, i can sing wif my own style. oso, surprised tat my comment on anonymous bloggers, first time (dunno) visitors are signing off haha..

sighzz.. this blog was supposed to be posted on fri night. but... same, i bath at 11pm, near 12, i felt tired n rested on bed. i jus dozed off till 5am. lights not off, tv still on, specs still sitting on my nostrils.

finally... finished my asgt, submited, den realise their time is abt 2 hrs faster than singapore. damn. few mins late. since my asgt done, i decided to finally SHAVE. damn, this time, i shave till it bleed slightly??

ok, as i promised earlier, i've finished my asgt, n will write wat happened to mi during.... after my last blog on 24th aug 05.

on 23rd night, i studied till i songz. i prepared my things properly n even prepared the attire i worn for my basic java exam, hoping to gain the good luck i had for my first exam. ok, i din really rmb the attire, but i think i worn tat. i got to the place much earlier thani shld. so i did some last min revision as usual. ok time up, go exam.

i sat there. total of 69 qns. first 3 oredi killed 15 mins of my time. i was stunned. i really duno wat gonna happen. ifrst few qns oredi so tuff... cna i survive the rest?? true enuff, as i ans more qns, i really begin to doubt my capabilities. i really need a miracle to happen. in the room, i was almost havign a fit. cos i was figetting so much!! in end, the exam, ans last qn, "check" all ans liao. still left 5-10 mins to kill. i simply no courage to view the results.

later i was told to go n collect my result.i really hope for some good news. the admin ger, shook her head. signed off the paper in red, n wished mi better luck. i took the paper, really stunned n at a loss of wat to do. my 5k is gone. if i pass my exam, i will get back 3k for my subsidy. now totally gone. my bank acct -ve amt liao. my hopes of moving into higher level dashed liao. higher pay, better life, no need scrimp n save till so jialut anymore. the whole world dun mean anythignt o mi anymore. life has no meaning liao.

i had planned to buy gift for ... W rigth after exam, cos i thot i'd pass. but then, i really no mood anymore. dun wan force myself. went downstairs, crossed road n took bus home. i switch off my hp. i felt no pains, no tears inside mi. jus a stunned n lost mi. i really duno wat to do. wat's next. wat gonna happen to my life. i slept ont he bus, or rather, tried to sleep.

i got home, i din bathe, laid down on bed, fully naked n tried to sleep. smehow i rmb, i din manage to cath any wink. perhaps i jus cant sleep. sat up, tried to get into sleep mood, but fail. i msg my mum, tat i eating. i off my hp again. dun wanna get any msg. even from W. i dun wan speak to any1. i went home for dinner. duck rice. i took the meat, n left hte rice untocuhed. really no appetite.

i oso dunno who i can tok to. in fact, (i guess this time can really pour my souls out?) i was really wondering... if i still on toking... or rather good terms wif W, if i call him, wat can he say to mi? my ans: "dun worry, u still have mi!". this ans certainly dun work for mi. i wun feel any better listening to this line. n during tat tiem, i was not on toking terms wif him.. or rather, he wun give a chance to tok.

b4 my exams, i had called him. his tone was so cold n distant. if i this time call him, i dun think i'll better.. may even b worse. at home, i den realised tat, my pals from Oz were VERY cocerned abt mi. they called each other for news of mi, after they failed to get my hp. i really appreciate it. although they have their own probs, they took time to show concern for mi... consoling mi n tell mi stuff. oso shared wif them my prob (studies n W linked). really can't think of anything tat i can do... u know, i was really thinking, in my state, if i meet W up, do i still have to put my (foul) moods aside, n take care of his emotional needs? or can he stand by mi, and b my moral support?

i really dunno.

i was deciding if i wan go work the next morning. i wanna stay home, cos if go work, am i in the mood? can i contribute? but if i dun, wat can i do at home? laze around, n think wild? i think i even feel worse if i alone at home, nothing to do, n think wild. gow rok still.

at work, i still very very quiet. din tok. 90% of the work time, i let down mty head, n looked into thefloor. for lunch, my first ime to order jus fruits. even my colelagues are surprised. seem like 1 guy keen to know wat happen to mi, but i bought the fruits for lunch, so he cant ask mi over lunch. 2nd day liao, so for dinner, i ate better. i rmb, i watched Cu u talk show. quan yifeng was saying "work towards ur dream". this line i always rmb.

n i decided how i'll kill saturday liao. i go bfast, den go home, sing ktv tioll i songzz. den buy lunch, sing, n go out. wah loong time no sing liao. some songs i first tiem sing. i esp like "ren shen hai hai" cos can let mi scream. i din wan go out buy lunch. so jus cook noodles, n watched "zhen xin hua" while eating. duirng the show, e part where fann wong spite "he run dong" (HRD) n HRD wrapped her up, n took her drugs in her face, i somehow felt something. i realise tat, if tears roll down ur cheeks w/o having u to close ur eyes, n it's silently, it's something serious.

den sang till it's time to go to celebrate my office's jnr bday. i was oso... dunno if i shld go anot. if go, can i forget my sorrows for tat time, n enjoy it? i decide to go n relax myself. i made myself promise, i will go no matter wat. i dun wna stay in my room, lest i think wild. true enuff, when i reached my room, i... again wondering if i shld go or jus stay home do my asgt. well, good thing tat i went.

later i got home, dunno if i slept early. on sunday, i finally managed to feel much better. at tat time, i was thinking, if i really wnana have W back, i really need to control my emotions. dun tok so much reasoning wif him. tell him directly hwo/wat i'm feeling. dun need to let him guess. i finalyl switch on my hp on sunday evening. got his 2 calls. i dun wanna pick. no courage to speak to him. no courage to hear his voice. even when he "forced" mi to speak to him, i din wan tok much.

i let him decide when to mit. thot monday can, but he wan tues... den the rest is history...

=============================

ok, now. can help frn do his website liao...

other than the earlier blog, i have a lot of things in my mind... really a lot... mass thots? been thinking, i really been a loner these days, n saving a lot of money, curbing temptations to buy thigns. some ppl, they hav the luxury to buy things at whelm. for mi, i yearn, but i know i cant splurge. den jus now, a ger approach mi to pen for $2 for charity. i promised her i get small change n buy from her. i bought liao. now i wonder, the next tiem, shld i still so soft heart, or i shld check if it's legal sale...

having worked in CS for so long, i kinda tired of it... have to really control my voice n sound frnly, my mood oso. really sick of it. yearn to get out... hopefully, my java cert can help. oso realise tat, nowadays, i so focussed on my studies, i mths din read papers... walk around, find out the latest news. really lost touch wif the world liao.. wat worse, today, a user has prob letting win2k recognise his usb drive. i so stupid to ask him find the drivers. i din think of the usb port maybe spoilt. kauzz.. did i really focus 2 much in studies, tat i lost some general know-how?? maybe...

but today, had fun wif a user... the above user. cos after thigns are resolved, i noticed his pc got instlal diner dash.. so chat wif him abt it. hahah... we both like the game but 2 bad, no crak version for it. den, i pretty glad tat, i still in contact wif a frn... who i did not dare take the initiative.. cos dun wan soemone to b jealous... to make it obvious to tat frn, he sent mi his chn name, i replied wif the chn words, but spelt it wrongly haha, saw the wrong word.. :)

den i realise tt, maybe really cos i think better than my words, sometimes, i really prefer to jus b quiet, n listen to wat ppl say, oni if needed, i say my thots. somehwo, i find tat, if i speak in singlish, i may stutter, or perhaps will. n some of my ideas cant pass thru my words. cos i tend to speak wat's flashing across my mind.. if i think 2 fast, certain ideas oredi flashed thru, n i may not say them out properly. den today, fat sup is demo crystal report generating. i was thinking, this is not jus say say will learn. u have to try out. in this case, u tell us for wat? y not we take initiative n play wif it? n we all IT ppl, reports, we play around a while, sure can find out soemthing. y bother training us for it?

if we are required to use it for work, train us ok. but if u train is jus FYI, y bother?

n.. i kinda decided how to plan my time for monash n java. monash exam in mid oct onwards. 1 more.. or maybe 2 asgt due in mid sept. so, most prob, i arrange my java 2 b after asgt. finish it, n prep exam. do i sound ambitious? i need to plan. i dun wan drag too far..

den on wednesday, i somehow, really dun miss charmed show anymore. cos the stories really stray till i cant accept it. come in zankou, avatar, magic sch, normal ppl who r exposed n able to hve fun wif magic for 1 day without penalties (in past, if magic is exposed, they r warned n dealt wif. and i rmb, when their powers were "stolen" during prue time, they did not freeze when the thief tried it, as good witches dun freeze. but this season, they did), and stuff... really dun feel the impt'ce of it...

these days, am i really 2 strezz? cos... i cant stay up later than 12am. once reach 12, i start yawning, n mind goes blank. i even had to sleep n wake up at 3am so i feel refresh enuff to do asgt. even if not doing asgt, if i jus doze off... or even proper rest, i will wake 3am 4 5 6am... sianzz... is it normal of mi, not to look at guys? or i'm not myself still? cos the normal mi, wil observe n look around in the bus to ... look around. but these days, i jus look into the windows n dun bother abt the ppl around mi.

today, when i went to work, wah liao, jus wonder y some ppl so inconsiderate. ppl trying to squeeze into lift, others jus stick to teh entrace of the lift, dun wanna move in at all... cant they put themselve in the shoes? n hor, on the road, unless u have evidence, if not unfair thigns will not b justiced. cos soem drivers, knowing it's isolated area, dun give a damn abt crossing into the pedestrian walkway. n today witnessed 1 scene. a taxi, somehow suddenly dun care abt traffic light. n jus made a turn. an approaching car thus horned heavily. i looked. wah really surprised too...

think above is all i wanna write...

i really dunno who the hell is the anony gyu. every person who comments at my blog has the courtesy to sign off with a name. oni this anony guy, who takes every chance to blast at mi, does not even have the courage to identify himself. i wonder if i shld learn to have the courtesy of ignoring his comments from now on.

anyway, this evening, knocking off from work, i heard "WBT" song. wah liao.. i really shkldn't have listened to this song at all. jus made mi so sad

*... oh my gawd... ch 8 is having a drama which has a scene of protests abt breast feeding in public. wah kauzz.. same old story n tactic. when will they ever learn???? Ch U had a show which showcases lesbian as loving female couples. tat is COOL. den now ch 8 showing such old news on dramas. wat they trying to show?? they support breast feeeding oso??*

a wk back, i know i muz reserve a bk if i wanna pass my java SCWCD. i reserved it. tday i jus got the letter. nice. den as i walk home, 2 scenes made mi link to the book.

1) i had wnana cross traffic. usually, as the light turned red, but no 1 press the button, the green man wun come out. den today, the lgiht almost turning red, i was losing hope tat i can still cross. but i still decided to try. in end, the green man came out. i was... surprised.

2) i was crossing a junction wif no traffic. den although the car is approaching, i still crossed it w.o problem.

these 2 seem to relate to my challenge n fate wif java.. LOL

watching ch U korean show. i really... imrpessed by how much effort the ger can put in to get the guy. n the guy's side oso. it's really touching, to see how much the guy is doing to refresh the ger's memory...

watching Ch U's korean show. cool, i liek the tactics used... n the.. surprised given LOL.. jus like mi hehehe...

oni 2 songs can express my thots.

wen bie

wo hen wo ai ni

i felt something. love can gradually turn into hatred.

rushing to finish my asgt now. will blog wat happened during last week after i finish. the details. nothing to disclose, jus to update those concerned abt mi.

anyway, today, as i finish my class, a poly/jc boy was sitting beside mi. he seems to be those kind who in denial of their orientation. cos, the bus almost packed. he sat beside mi. den he keep arranging his bag stuff n placement of his things for abt 5 mins. 5 mins, not jus 1. u know? while adjusting, his arm naturally rubbed onto mine. i din bother abt it. n i din look at him at all.

dem later, his... hp (black) dropped. he was trying to pick it up from the floor. cant find it, he moved his things away. still cant find it. (all these while, his "find" is put his hand below our seats to cruise for it.) so he stood up. so i tried to help him. i looked thru the gap between our seats, n saw tat black thing. so i gestured the lady behind us to pick for us. tat jc guy saw it oso. so they both reached out their hands to pick it up. the guy took it and sounnded "thank you". i looked at him n smiled back. he lost his smile suddenly.. like those "zat teo".

later, he no longer moved so much, not even at all. he was sitting properly wif a lil space between us. a whle later, his bag fell off. he picked it up, n arrange thigns again. wah, i felt like offering him to put the bag between us siazz. den, at times, i noticed that, he look into my direction sheepishly.. u know, i noted tat he delibrately scrached his head so he can look into my direction. isn't this sheepishly?

den, he grabbed his bag to put on his lap, and hug it to have nap. den he often will fall to my side n shoulder lean onto mi siazz. but when he wake, he'll b surprised. but soon, nap again. ok lah, since he's a boy, ok loh, let him lie. i rmb, if some frns of mine hear it, esp tat leslie guy, sure say i biased. some guy, i ok let them lean. if some older guys, i sure show attitude. hahah...

somehow, nearing the terminal stop, got some boys board bus, n i feel tat they looking at us, when the jc was leaning... not sure, din bother to check. den later, as approaching terminal stop liao, he woke up n made sure there is some distance between us. but funny to say, he alighted faster than mi, but when i alighting, he was stand at the ground there, n stood back up in the bus, 'cos he forgot to scan the card... LOL...

been thru a bad week.

monash studies, few asgts coming up all e way, but i dun even know wat the qns are toking abt. tried to do last min reading up, but find tat, perhaps due to loss of lotsa blood, i get dizzy ezly. so on bus, i cant really focus on reading the notes, or the books. esp when the book seem to assume u know the stuff, n mainly focus on wat it wanna preach. just tat. it does not elaborate much. jus assume u know it, n explain to u wat it wants.

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elton, thx for ur support. the anony guy, perhaps jus wanna tell mi off, without caring abt other things. isn't this wat bitching mean?

i did try my best to save us, but he decided to let go. i can't force him, can i? i even tried CPR, but he simply said, it's better to let go.

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jus finished reading the new groups for my 3rd asgt in 2 mths of starting the monash module. siong? i havent even started yet. n it due on 7th sept. later still need to help my pal do his web proj, whcih i WILL. now waiting for uploading of files to be done, den i embark on my asgt liao. tis period, time mgt really SUCKS. 5 day work wk, 2 classes in the wkend right in mid of the day. wkend nromally can use to rush asgt. but us, it's for attending classes. signzz.
war's worse, the module which need lotsa focus, it's so damn hard. the book is wat i describe above. i think this time, in order to rush, i need to b smart, n read oni those sections tat required to do asgt.

*phew uploading done liao........ i was excited 1 moment, n depressed e next. excited cos, upload finish, can boot pc in linux. depress cos can i really work out wat needed in asgt? stress*