back from work.. suddenly.. seem like duno wat to write.. was late for work.. as woke up late.. at work, felt tat my ex-colleague.. now my sup.. a bit shun mi... like dun wan make my life easy like dat.. is tat training mi up? duno.. den supposed to mit a frn to pass CD, but wah liao, by the time he get here.. so late liao..

den landlord msg mi... he cancel his pacnet, now using maxonline.. err.. ok.. den took bus home.. but was.. still not ready to study... mood losing control when i start to read my notes.. i guess ir eally feeling the stress to study n prepare for exam with this thick notes. really felt bad.. n cant even finish a line properly..

ok, family not cooking.. ate dinner.. n had wanna make myself fuller... but.. later guess no need.. cos the drink made mi quite ok.. but right now, i feel hungry.. but.. if i really everyday eat so much.. how long can my money last?

got home, i realised the network cable was unplugged... everything gone.. net.. i quickly... ok, i was stunned... quickly.. wanna msg frns.. if they got wireless card to lend anot... cos not sure if i can connect to the maxonline.. den i tried.. pushed my PC here there.. and.. hehe.. connected (feeling hungry.. no mood to be happy) now my pc is at door, facing the window... n shifted my things around too..

later, went to check the windows.. wah, opposite block can see wat's on my PC siazz!!

had wanna... upload some pix to my site... my own pic.. but shifted PC till no time.. but i guess.. i'll upload a text image first.. to let ppl know abt my... concerns for it.. btu still wondering how i shld... control the access..

3rd n last post for the nite...n i go ngo ngo.. can i wake up tmr?? how come so late i stil lawake????

jus realise tat.. my close f pal, although she had been so chatty.. it may nto be her true side.. dunno abt it.. need to fidn out myself.. but i guess every1 need their quiet moments.. if not, i guess i'll suspect tat person to be afraid of loneliness..

SLEEP!

oops... editing this post.. jus now on way home, was sitting beside a guy.. who has muscles on arm.. ehhe.. same as usual... tried to rub his arm.. but he avoiding it.. now i more matured.. :P *dun disagree hor!* so.. i try not to make it 2 obvious.. oni when bus turn, or when i make some shifting, den i rub the arm again ..haha..

sometimes, i guess ppl who have bene thru more ups n downs.. are those who have experienced life.. if everythign is smooth sailing... fate has been too kind.. well, ignore this boliao line lah...

seriously.. i din bother to finished teh love quotes.. to many.. read abt 4 den... browse the rest :) somehow, y u keep joining couples for outings? couple = 2.. if u joining 2 frns.. ok.. sounds nice.. but if u joining a couple.. of cos u will be lonely at times..at 9s, again.. u meetign couples... umm... well, although i dunno tat many couples, but meeting couples here/there.. i guess make u feel lonely even more.. right?

kids central got show to watch?? those 12 sms r from strangers, or from ppl u know? i dinno.. numbers pinned on walls really can be called by ppl haah.. why ur frn wanna b str8? cos sick of the meat life in aj? well, it's in both str8 n aj then. but in aj, men are sex animals and normally controlled by their urges.. if ur frn does not stand out in terms of looks, improve on the inside. inside is wat keep the attraction on, even after years down road.

put ppl to sleep?? wow, u hypnosist? LOL... oh ya, somehow... err.. control ur spendings lah.. if frns understand ur finance issues, they'll shld appreciate anythign u give them... as u still have the heart...

where did u get the quotes from? seem like.. u claim to have low IQ, but u able to decipher phrases pretty well.. hwo much u got for literature? wah, u critising ur frns in blog... hope they not offended... if u wnana reject, ask urself why.. wat will happen to u both.. den try to figure out a way tat will tell him properly, without spoiling the frnship... but if he jus cant accept it, den, u or him has to suffer. ur frn ..told u he keen on u?? although he confused?? ya loh, mi 2.. wan the person i love.. or loved, to be happy... n my frns to be living well too..

for mi, i dun mind doign thigns for someone who i like.. but know there will be no return in end.. perhaps not even a thank from him.. cos he dunno wat i did.. but to mi, as logn he happy, i'll be glad..

soehow.. i think i shld also.. put a link to ppl who linked to mi??

ok.. replying to ur comment... before i sleep.. now 2.12am
umm, ur PC spoilt, dun have IT frns to help u? wah, u hinting at mi for writing /asking too much? umm wa tu meant by black pants not obvious? ya... at times, frns do call for a purpose.. but when it's just for specific purpose like.. "hey, u know where can i buy vcd".. and once u ans, he say.. oh ok.. thanks.. n hang up.. umm, ya lame eg, but the point is here. he call jus to check some thign wif u n den hang up.. in the past, i may do such things.. but now, after enlightenment from frn, i know it's wrong.. so try to talk more to frns liao..

ya.. using MY blog as a email/chatroom is indeed unique LOL...

off to tat ger's blog...

another... player in the show.. who topless to show off :)

a hunk acting in tv show.. haha.. switch to ch 8 jus on time..

surprise, lately, there are ppl who took the initiative to email mi... in past, i took it to chat up..

erally wish someone can sponsor my meals.. i seem to have a... depthless appetite! or rather.. never ending hunger for food...

i think i starting to get back the mood to study...

but how come.. the regular visitor... din comment anymore after i din comments, or reply his comments? must it be so.. 2 way?

somehow, i think i need to juggle properly between studies, going out, leisure, and meeting frns.. cos.. i can get stressed up... if i focus 2 much on studies... waste lotsa PRECIOUS $$ if always go out... lack leisure life if i dun plan for it... become a loner if dun meet frns..

jus met up my master for dinner.. sudden dinner.. sitting beside us are 2 macho guys.. wif a ger. den later, a group of jc ppl sat beside us.. haha.. the 2 macho guys immediately turned their head over!! LOL den we walked n took some.. "deserts" n den headed home.. but along the way, feel tat i can eat something again.. wanna eat the mee from 24 hrs shop... but... since i'm not starvnig, i guess i'll jus leave it for other day... sighzzz...

i think i have to b thankful... but oso blame it on my body structure.. yes, watever volume of (junk) food tat i eat, i always stay in proper shape... such tat i stay atractive even if dun exercise.. but my metabolism rate is so damn high.. tat i can get hungry FAST.. but wif financial strains, i MUZ control myself.. right now, not sure if i shld cook noodles anot...

hehe.. jsu received an anonymous comment tat, he is surprised i'm so open abt my life haha.. well, tats mi... online.. watever i wanna write.. to pour out, i'll write here.. perhaps environemtn has changed mi to the present person... i am direct n open abt myself... dun wan to hide this feeling tat feeling... watever i write, i try to be as truthful as can.. in past, some ppl were reading it, and need to be tactful in my wordings n wat i post.. but since they no longer care abt mi.. i can write the truth once again.. err.. ok.. i mean, i write wat i wan... if u enjoy reading.. esp when u luff ur head off at some frank lines.. (yup... it's tat email), it's my pleasure... or perhaps.. shld say feel quite cute... if u offended.. well, skip it.. i certainly dun like ppl.. to comment on how i write n wat i write :)

freedom of speech rules!!!

and right now, 12.43am.. i dun feel sleeping.. but oops.. will i wake up on tiem tmr? i even.. dun wanna sleep yet... still got blogs to read.. n waitign for tat LESB frn (the honourable PRInCE.. *yux*) to create his blog.. n get his BB..

umm.. ok.. gotten my pic from the party last sat.. heard they having another party.. dunno yet.. my mood shld quite ok liao, jus tat... dun feel like going party so often.. dun wan sex to be such impt aspect of life.. but who knows, may change my mind days later... nearly forgot to update my pic stuff.. ok i mean, the pix... i'll put it up later... so, ahha.. apply for account at Facelink!!

oh ya, waiting to watch 3 movies.. i think regardless if got ppl watch wif mi anot.. next wk, i MUZ n DETERMINED to watch!!! i'm unstoppable!!!!! but also open to invitations n appointment for them hahah... *shameless... ye... rite*

i gonna cok noodles, read blog..

once again.. kinda find it hard to remember all the things tat i wanna say here.. din even have the time to do the thigns i usually do.. even though i "promise" myself to do it the next day.. like reading frns' blogs, doing the t630 themes, uploading personal pix, some more...

had them in mind, but simply... no motivation to do it.. not no heart, but more to.. perhaps sianz wif life, giving up... but not losing it totally.. need to find back the passion oncea gain.. din even touch my notes for a week.

altright, i recall bits and pieces of my memory..

last night, my close frn.. (had wanna write some mean desc of him.. but.. oh well, we are miles apart... why shld i write tat? ) called mi up.. he was facing some emotional... issues.. homesick, problem wif life, work, studies.. n being alone there, nowhere to go, no net or nothing. he can't even b online to tok to mi..

but.. being someone in a foreign land, i am unable to help him much.. can oni try my best to find my aunt's contact details... i kinda felt his.. loneliness.. thus i think i'll check on the best IDD card for Oz.. and perhaps call my Oz frns to catch up...

den.. my sole not itchy luiao.. but my skin still a bit lei.. n clothes sitll not ironed.. maybe i 2 honry, every night, i usually sleep topleess.. but now, i sleep in briefs.. but these days, even qworse, strip naked, wif lights off... making myself hard...

jus now watchign channel u.. got a scene... the mum was reunited wif her daughter.. somehwo i felt her happiness.. like finally finding her loved one again.. i dunno... tat time i thot it's bcos i still want to be wif my family, enjoy family time... but now, i wonder if i yearn for love.. bbr love..

over the wkend, wif loads of activity, i enjoyed wkend a lot.. but wif the start of a new week, i'm getting.. a bit back into my dull life... i still look forward to going out wif frns, but i dun wan waste much $$ going out.. taking expensive meals.. wanna take time to study for java (stress)

tat's all for now...

cool pictures from julian.. am i horny by taking oni his topless pix?? had wanna write more desc, but no time liao

damn it.. last night slept... was wanna sleep early.. .. err.. ok, correction, last night intended to torture myself by sleepin LATE.. den fell on bed at 2+.. n trying to JO hehe bue ended up sleeping.. den... oh yes, naked...

den i woke up n saw it's 716am. i 'm late!!! if i at previous work, i'll perhaps get urgent OFF.. but this new job.. i can't. so i went to prepare for wokring.. rinsed my mouth n wash my face.. n took the bus. hehe.. once on bus, i immediately laid my head tor est.. LOL.. so tired.. den din expect to be still on time siaz!! n there was a guy who sat beside mi siazz.. somehow i felt tat he could b PLU..

at work, cant focus on work much.. haha.. when i finally KO, i tookt he bus. haha.. got a cute tall guy.. he sitting in front of mi.. i was standing. den so qiao, the person alighting, so i took the seat.. i moved to brush my limbs wif his.. hehe.. he rejected.. den i think i reqlly too tired.. forgot mum not cooking..

got home, had wanna iron my cltohes.. but no tiem again.. ahha.. nvm.. shall sleep first... wah liao.. damn it!! my sole is itchy!!! n my body still itching n aching ...

there was a scene where.. he was caught in this attire.. wah.. almost wanna order.. or help him to strip.. LOL.. den 2nd pic, he was caught doing soemthing.. his "oh SHIT!" expression.. make mi heart... wrench... wld protect him for sure...

umm.. guess i'm fine now... know wat caused my stress, and fighting it... keeping myself sane..

ok.. few thigns... friday din update my blog... ok.. den... right now, i seem ot have skin irritation for sunburnt skins.. been... feeling itchy for my skin.. arms, n back.. liaozz.. jus kept my laundry but lazy to tidy up...

ukm... kinda forgot wat i wanna say.. once again... i think i'm used to writing it as i think of it, insterad of sumamrising..

umm, some pics.. i saw it... hehe.. i guess i realise why i never put my face with my body... naked body... cos... i saw from the picture, my bods pretty ok.. attrractive n luring. but the face... does not match the bods. when i saw the pic, i even felt... how i wish i can replace the face with some better pics...

got home from the party, took bath, n rushed to play vball. but.. the crowd.. originally thot will b abt 4-5 frns' frnly vbally game. but turned out to be 8 guys oredi knowing n playing vball well, n playing to tone up their skills.. as ppl looking for fun, no chance to join in at all.. wasted trip, yes i agree...

my frn volunteered to coach mi.. but ended up he kena left out from the game.. wah liaozz... gosh.. skin damn itchy!

(twinkle twinkle little stars...****************)

personal reply to the reg IT idiot again :P everyone, pls close ur eyes and read on...

since when were u into debts???!?!? caused by wat?? by who?!?! i kinda know how it feel to be in debt.. although i never been in such seriosu debts, right now, i'm scrimping n saving for my studies.. tat y i so STRESSED!!!... i kinda understand how bad it is.. sianzz.. why muz life b so TUFF...

counsellor... full tiem or partime? "Life is not measured by the breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away"... duno wat it mean..at first sounds like.. impt things tat we do... den.. somehow "love can mean so much to anyone out there in the world" seem to mean.. love?? by who is making us breathe to be alive?? err...

yup.. usually... the first impression counts.. the one who u like usually is the one who u sexaully attracted to.. but as u know him better, it's the person u have to like.. ehe.. there is 1 guy who i like for sex, but cant b frns.. haha so now, i try to look forward to frns, instead of sex in mind.. but when i see fat ppl standing in front of mi, i still get bad impression.. heh..

umm 3 dates? for mi, MAYBE 1... n i dun blif in kissing... sghzz/... the stereotype made men so unable to cry... but i blif men have their vulnerable moemnts 2.. have the rights to cry.. but usually not in front of their loved ones, as always wan to look tuff, in order to give them security n protection.. dun wan look weakling...

umm, i dun think i replied ur... earlier posts...

did u delete a post? i rmb there was 1 abt... err.. ehhe,.. i think i mized up.. looking at ur comments on my blog.. wait.. ok...

yup, i'm used to it.. slow response in the wkend.. u dun update in wkend 1 oso mah :) hehe.. maybe 2 much fanciful stuff on ur site, tat u neglected the comments :P umm.. haha.. like a cyberdate like dat... tell mi ur stats? hehe.. ahah... meet mi after gym?? den i drool over u n paiseh myself... gosh... LOL ..

err, i thin i wrote b4.. tat someone from my poly days told mi.. "after making use of frn, den jus hang up ah?".. i felt tat was bad.. yes, frn need u.. but see if that's making use, or catching up. err.. got 1 bad eg... 1 guy from sgboy. he contact mi via msn.. he always ask mi IT qns.. but he never treat mi as frns.. always online to ask, den after answering, he offline.

i told one time, msn is for keeping touch wif frns, not to b helpline. if he wan, b frns, n i can guide him. but dun like it when, i'm a HELPLINE to him.. he din msg mi since.

den, antoher person.. supposed to be my 2nd master, but... our reln.. to mi jus.. got loose... he did tell mi his prob.. but, same... i not here ot be hotline.. if u wnana mi help, fine.. but can tell mi abt urself? update mi on happenings? dun jus ask mi for help.. den disappear?

conclusion. i dun mind ppl calling mi oni when they need help.. sometimes, business (desc... not noun haha) can kill frnship, but from wat frn told mi, we can still at least tok n find out more.. instead of hanging up jus when we get wat we need..

miss my posts? den come onlien from home loh ;) wah u ah.. fancy using my blog as our chatroom.. :D

str8 after i came back, i rested a while.. n went off for the party again.. this time, broguht an attire along tat can be ripped LOL.. got there quite early.. n helped out.. but really got lotsa ppl... esp ppl who dun turn mi on...din expect much to happen, but still dress in my can-be-ripped clothes...

hehe.. no 1 turn mi on, so nothign to do as master.. got 2 guys lah.. 1 is... a bit beng, but then, his flirtatious style n means.. turned mi off.. he got a toned body.. but wel, i was turned off by him, so nothign happened.. u can say it's like he's a tough looking (rides bike), flirtatious, potato queen. the other guy.. umm, i had wanna do soemthing to him.. but... i oso turned off by his attitude... so i jus sat there... watching n observing.. there are about 2 ppl who ... actually ask ppl around why i not joining.. well, since i not keen on anyone, why shld i work?

den.. abt 10+11, ehhe.. a guy who i tied up last time, "took revenge" by offering to tie mi up... he know wat i looking for.. den tied mi up, n.. haha.. did exciting things to mi.. which i enjoyed rigght from the start!!! my fantasy was coming true!! many guys were having their hands on mi.. while i was tied up.. helpless n unable to resist... felt quite excited.. haha... dun wan say more.. n perhaps too many thing to detail here :D

hehe oh yes, oso had some pics taken upon my request.. once i get it, will upload them to my pte pic site..

went to someone's place for home KTV.. he dun have chinese songs... oh well... not really comfy wif the guys there...

den, i got a msg at 2314, telling mi tmr (sun morning) family going to pray to grandpa at 8am. huh??? 8am going?? now den tell mi?? sianzz.. i din wan reply.. i jus leave it alone. den next morning, umm.. ok, i stayed at he party there overnight.. the msg woke us up. the same msg. i dun reply oso...

the timing, always so cock up. last min say such thigns. i dun wan bother anymore. jus forget it.

ok... i writing at same time.. but better to write a new entry...

heeh.. was wearing my new pants... those multi purpose jogging pants.. crumpled oso ok those types.. n.. haha.. was fantasizing i am those ... yoga master, who kena trapped in his own training room, ppl pinch his nipps n grab hsi groin.. hahah... almost wnana jo.. but stopped :)

next mornign, went home str8.. on way home.. i think cos i was wif my master, so, when i boarded train, 2 guys were feeling odd abt mi... form their behaviour n stares, i felt tat. the guy on my right is cute in a way... but nope nothing happened.. he was quite nervous inf act.

den later, i took bfast, n went home to prepare for swim liao.. but wah liao, the pool/.. so packed!!! hardly can find place to swim.. well, mostly guys there... den.. haha. got some strange feeling abt everyone.. as usual... but hor, haha.. when i first got to the pool, haha.. a boy was outside his dad bath cubicle. i went to toilet, he reminded his dad to lock room.. haha.. felt so funny..

i think i got slight sunburn... den went to haircut.. hehe.. for my first time, a msian... beng type guy, was washing my hair.. haha... he was pretty quiet... den, he was ordering lunch. i asked some qns.. n somehwo, tat broke the ice.. when i was coloring hair, he asked if it's too hot.. i asked him back "if hot leh?" he said "he tune down temp den" but i told him i joking oni.. he quite a guy tat.. i will want himt o wash my hair everytime LOL...

den... he was washing my hair after coloring... wha liao... i had such erotic thots.. i getting hardon... phew.. i thot of gers n the hardon went off :) den later, he was drying my hair for treatment, n once again i getting hardon.. his tocuhes i enjoy HAHAAH!!! he told mi i need to wait, wif a grin. i nodded...

i was wearing black berms.. he shld not have seent eh hard on... den i got his name, after the treatment... he styled my hair... n when done, he thanked mi.. n we smiled at each toher. den as i left my seat, we smiled again LOL... *HEHEHEZZ!*

den took my late lunc at 3pm. the ger there, took my order.. gave mi a huge proportion for my dishes. i asked for more rice.. she gave mi.. den told mi she din count teh extra rice.. haha.. i thanked her.. pretty lucky..

oh well, i'm such a big eater.. i think... if a person ever were to sponsor my meals.. i willingly b his... partner... slave, watever... cos now, i "struggling" to make both ends meet.. tat soemtimes, i sticka regular serving instead of a serve tat make mi real full... sighzz...

tat's all.. off to the party..

feeling better now.. my master asked mi out.. as mentioned, was... struggling.. yes, s'gling whether to go out anot... went out in the end, but was quiet most of the time.. he tried to tease n joke wif mi.. well, a depressed person is not open to jokes.. n.. asked him to diff betwn depressed n sad... err.. or can say i enlightened him on the diff... hehe.. how come so often, i understand more things than the ppl around mi ler?

den, strolled wif him.. or shopped wif him for hours.. den went for dinner.. he had wanna treat mi.. i alright.. so went to deli to eat.. but maybe the centre there.. not prepared for such heavy flow of customers, they din have enuff food.. need to wait or sold out. mine was sold out.. i dunno wat else to order, so din get anythign.. later wanna get drinks.. oso 2 ex there. but... he realyl... a bit 2 caring/attentive siazz.. keep asking whether i want this/tat... make mi feel... almost wanna say he's bothersome...

den.. to spite myself, we walked all teh way back to mrt.. on way to his place, i somehow... felt tat i understand why i so depressed n down...

i was 2 focussed on studying n reading my notes.. neglected my social development.. social circle.. until i was unable to balance... umm.. call it self-diagnosis oso can.. 2 stress wif studies.. till i almost topple... wif the mindset tat, i need to pass 2 exams b4 i can get back half the money... n dun see the pt in telling family abt it... like.. everythign, own self swallow n fidn way out... at that time, almost felt tat, amei's "ku bu chu lai" *cant cry out* suits mi..

sighzz. den, chatted wif master till dawn... nexr day, still need to go swiming bla bla..

dean cain is still my beloved...

julian is still so macho...

seem tat my mood is stil flunctuating... i wanna focus on studying.. focus all my time.. but jus tat... my person/character does not allow and enjoy it. want to stay home n read notes or do pracs, but will feel life's a bore.

somehow, i think in the morning, i'll feel damn down... n feel life has no meaning, not sure wat to do the next moment (other than going work on wkdays... n IRC to seek sex), but as time pass by, my mood may get better... n have a better plan for the day...

anyway, i kinda decided tat, i'll go for swim on sat morning, den go haircut after that.

jus went for my lunch... was deciding between kopi tiam n KFC. decided if kopi no seat, den go kfc. den the kopi tiam there, 1 30+ guy dark skinned was sitting there in sunglasses. i asked halfway in chn, den switch to eng.. thinking he may not udnerstand chiense. den he said smiled n.. maybe showed mi the seat.. soemhow i thot he meant seats are takne. but later, he did tell mi it's not. i den told him i gonna order my lunch.

back at my seat, he intro himself, n i accepted it. he den asked soem casual qns.. i was stunned... but later, i still chatted up with him.. i asked if he's going work later, or returned from work.. ask twice.. his reply "i'm working" oni den i realise he mean he IS at work... i asked wat he work as.. he hesitated.. i told him "it's alright.. nvm"... den he said "i use my eyes and ears. Hearing Impaired came to my mind. duhzz... not possible. den i asked if he's PI or police.. he say he's not, but similar... n working right now. he is observing, but cant tell mi exactly wat...

my lunch came, n he said he had his. as i eating, he excused himself.. oh ya, he oso asked where i live, and why i living myself... as he excused, i volunteered to exchanges handshake. quite an exp... but realy.. inthe first place, i thot he may be up to something.. but after i calmed down, i think he may jus wanna frnly chat..

anyway, forcing myself to go out...

sianzz, tired, bored... been returning home str8 for 2 wks.. din go out at all.. originally, thot tat since i dun have any plans to ask ppl out, i at least can.. stroll ard the city area... to lift my spirits n moods... get fresh breaths.. even now, see the starting of ch 8 show, wif julian hee's bods n smiles, my mood is not raised much.. jus felt stunned..

watched CHASE by chance.. the ger was feeling down. daddy came in n noticed something wrong. he asked "wanna talk?"... that is the line that will have started lotsa confiding... some families jus ain't tat supportive.. but gays lead an alternate lifestyle. face a different n unique problem compared to others. if families can be supportive enuff, our lives will be very much improved.

my mum did ask mi.. in the past.. if i got any prob, jus say it out.. but with her unacceptance of PLU, i wonder if she'll understand anything at all... if i told her abt my emotiional side, i guess she'd say, go for a ger... since guys are so hard to please. tat does not help at all...

nothing else to say.. staying home.. not even sure if i .. gonna find out abt registering for mass orgy... if not, jus stay home n rot or watch tv..

==================

somehow, my mood is fluctuating.. 1 moemnt, i gues i wanna join the mass orgy... next moment, i wanna b quiet, peaceful life, stay home, read my notes. i know i'm bored.. but i'm confused to whether i shld join the orgy. struggling..

den today, i msg my master, hinting tat he can own mi for tonite.. he "huh? wat u mean?" i replied him.. telling him directly.. he din reply at all.. jus after i KO, he replied "tok on msn..." thto i can look forward to a night of fun, followed by a string of events... i guess tat's been dashed.

i think i will find out the details abt the party... den take my time to decide if i wnna go for it

strange... the comments.. i received in reversed order... i where got always affected.. first time kena oni... the other time, i oni commenting on the effects it will have.. kopi?? i din receive any formal intivation yet :P

hha.. ya, it's innovative to be chatting like tis oso.. thot of asking u for email addy.. but i guess it will spoil the whole thing den.. as... from exp, emails tend to bie after some time... even for a msian pal who claim tat he wil reply mails... haha.. is this the new way of communicating??

well, life exp take time to gain, and ur view of things change wif that :) i'm also no longer that same old mi... who always look at things on the surface.. n someoen who dun really bother abt others... the present mi is more able to think n analyse.. have my own stand and beliefs, goes by logic most timse, do tings tat i like n enjoy, not by whether it's generally accepted, but of cos i hope it's not outta norm. even if it may look odd, but if it is ok to mi, i'll jus carry on.. if i can convince myself n know wat i'm doing, i guess i am correct, and shld not regret...

ahha,,,, wat am i saying...

ummm.. well, helping frns is 1 thing, making use is antoehr... there was a guy from sgboy. i volunteered IT help to him... den he took it for granted. everytime i online, he ask mi IT qns, den disappear after my answer. we never did chat. i was unhappy. i asked if he treating mi like helpline, he "haha.. yes..". i told him off.. another poly frn taught mi this... "wah, ask about the problem, make use of the guy liao, den nothing else.." this strukc mi... we are frns. other than helping n seeking help, we can always chat n catch up.. why b someone who.. seek help wif frns when needed, n never bother abt them when their help is no need?

for some tiem, i've not known any nwe frns.. so i dunno myself.. but i think i will pass them some basic info abt myself.. sensitive info, leave it irst.. dunno if this is trust yet...

you're an idiot to control the the msg length in ur shoutbox.. LOL.. ya, sad songs, lyrics quite nice.. but certain fast songs have good lyrics too... "tao wan" "zui chu de meng xiang" "fly away" by FIR.

in sec sch, romeo n juliets story line left an impact on mi.. "The course of true love never did run smooth". i wonder why. but it's pretty true...

jus in case u serious abt meeting up... frankly, when it comes to guys.. i;m not sure if i'll be affected by the first impression still..although i try not to be.. err... this line quite vague, but u shld know wat i wanna say :)

somehow, i jus gotten a new gay themed video... latter days. not gay porn, but ... a lifestyle type of video.. gonna watch it.. since tmr holiday eve...

umm.. dunno where to start.. been doing admin work today.. quite ok.. IT not oni abt fixing PCs, oso shld include some admin work.. there is a 28 yo msian in my dept. today, 1 time during lunch, 1 time at KO hours, our hands rubbed together... not sexually of cos, but unintentionally...

den poly frn called mi up for gathering.. it last min.. so din manage to find enuff ppl.. however, i am unhappy abt it. u know, at 625, i called to confirm i going for gathering. she said she at 2 MRT away. so ok, i KO n wait for her. by 7pm, i msg her where she is, ask her to come my MRT find mi, if not, i leave at 730. it's tuff to wait for so long, when i jus KO, tired, n hungry. she said she's coming over. 7.25pm, she not in sight. i msg her i leaving liaoz.

den she called mi, saying she jus got to the mrt and ask where i am. i promptly imagined her to b at the mrt there liao, but i lied tat i oredi at busstop waiting for bus, although i still walking there.. den she said, isit?? she is also at the busstop there...

huh? wat she tryiong to say? she at mrt, or busstop?? den i jus told her frankly, i dun wan meet liao... other day perhaps.. she den attended something else n held on.. but i.. jus dropped the line. 5 secs later, she called again. i replied tat low batt. i told her right now, i waiting for bus liao.. dun wna meet liao. den she said she oredi at the mrt, and confused wat to do next.

i den... relented, and told ehr i b waiting at the junction. n we met up. i jus blurted out... diplomatically.. tat i not happy wif the timings. den went on with dinner,.. but i was almost silent all teh way.. they ask y, i jus said i tired...

at this pt, i feel tat... the frnship bond is no longer tat strong anymore.. i find tat, they are trying to maintain the frnship in a commercial way...

last yr, i mentioned abt some biz chances... well, they intro'ed to mi.. it's a MLM. i was pretty keen on it. but now, no more.. cos... not enuff support, but... somehow, i begint o feel tat, i'll b a sales person if i go in... or... right now, i dun wan meet up this poly frn alone cos i dun wan our chat to b surround the MLM biz. i dun wan tat to happen to mi.

so, now i find tat... whenever i tok to this frn, seem like more on the biz side.. trying to get mi into the biz... instead of the fun n casual tok cock session...

if i were them, i guess this attitude will tell mi, i not tat keen to chat much wif them.. everythign i jus say dunno/... maybe 'cos i was hungry tat time. i told a lie, tat i was tired...

on way home, quite ok... jus tat, quite strange... i was holding on to the pole. beside it stood 2 guys toking. the guy nearer to mi, kept rubbing his elbow n hand wif mine...

den went family for my dinner... my mum unhappy tat i din go family for dinner last night.. so when i called her abt it, she jus hang up after replying. i guess no 1 is to blame.. mon night, she told mi most prob no cook.. den called my sis oso... den later she know i still at work, n said since i getting home after 8pm, she can manage to cook.. im ok wif it.

but when i got home, i was expecting a proper meall.. but the dishes... ok, i dun take vege... but den, it dun mean, my every dish has to be MEAT! the dish oni steamed fish, n braised pork. yes both i can take n taste ok.. but, it's definitely not a proper or tasty meal!!! tasty meal dun mean muz taste good in tongue, but a satisfying meal... but.. the fish is the first dish out, i was disappointed, n decided to buy supper after my first round. dent eh pork came.. well, after takignt he pork, since i wanna b thrifty, i will save the supper for next day... but the meal really not satisfying for mi...

the next day, i really bought my dinner n ate it. mum sms mi jus b4 11, asking if i eating, i replied no. wat for go family for dinner, when it's not to my liking..

oh well, read the papers today, tat Ch U is losing its stand... yes i agree.. den another point was raised. the ads on it, were considerably lesser than b4... but was filled wif trailers... hehe.. i din realise tat until today... :)

after writing tat post, i sudenly was affected by the "ah sang" song... tat y i said, this song oni make ppl more depressed...

a cock line to say..."maybe i dun wan to 2 close to u" ahah.. joking lah... and "jus like mi, may long to be, ****" ehhe... cock lines hor? nvm ,jus ig it.. hehe.. somehow, our supposedly pte tok, has now become publicly exposed on the blogs.. haha...

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????????????????????????????

jus when i wanna write soemthing special, n use blogspot's function, my original text ALL GONE!!!!!!!!!!!11

dunno wat to write liaozz.... damn it.

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ok.. was replying to a cpmments... well, maybe it's unique, but it odd to mi...

does PR skils include protectingn ppl? maybe it's a nice version of it.. it sounds strange tat frns need to protect 1 another... i gues i prefer to use help.. protect is like.. frns often in danger... yes, frns shld trust. but i think depends how long u know them.. ???????????????. trust those who deserve it oni... i used to trust ppl.. really trust them... believe even... newly made frns won't do things to hurt mi... cos why would frns harm mi..

but nope.. it's not true...

poppers is ok lah, buying for the session, but oni u buy.. sounds like making use... butbuying popppers for the sessions, and joining the mass thing, is like.. i mean, jus for the joy of it... is like... wat i said earlier.. part of life vs part of sex..

hehe... yup, u got my attention now... hehe.. as a concerned... visitor/blogger/bugger/frn or watever.. :) but when ur PR skills progressed, i still surprised u din see the raising money thing as.. evil way...

umm.. our communication is unique.. but quite public LOL...

commenting on ur blog now... do u need LJ n this?? look veli mafan.. songs.. i prefer to use.. emotional to describe u.. sad person maybe more to depressed ppl.. u not exactly lonely.. u got frns wif u... more to cupid's arrow is still in the bow.. or the red string is still pretty loose :)

ya loh.. i hate making choice oso... hate choosing the wrong way,... 2 bad tat's how ppl learn in the hard way..

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the korean show on ch 8 finishing... the guy is fighting hard to save his ger.. who kena kidnapped. although i feel it's stupid of ...damn it, suddenly felt like weeping now.. thinking abt wat i wanna write... stupid of the guy to stay n fight on... but it's touching.. the ger begging the guy to flee, butthe guy perssited...

for mi, although i dun hope to have sucha destiny, but when it comes, i think i'll wanna save my boy at all costs.. if i ekan trapped, n boy saving mi, i'll use watever method i know to (sucking my nose.. to prevent myself from weeping) make him flee.. for his sake.

nobody ever want his beloved to be hurt... i even thot of this scene. we at a disco.. suddenly, a spot check. my boi is holding some things. seeing tat, i'll immediately command him to hand over it, n let mi handle it.. din think of wat will happen next.. but wld rather mi kena... anything... than let him be...

but... korean shows.. like mostly.. the ger can go to extremes wehn jealous.. the female lead will always b damn forgiving. both f/m leads will not know who the bad person is.. this story happen to my Pak yong ha oso...

done wif my blog... this time, more abt my thots n views.. cos maybe my life too boring to write abt... gdnite..

cool cute guy...but he seem to have lost fig liao... in this show, act those... blur blur guys... haha.. cute! long time no see him in buff liaozz...

ya... this is reply to the regular again...

umm, cos thre seem to be no place to comment, other than tat box, i have to write my thots here.. it is an odd way we have... purely commenting at each other's blog.. for mi, no place to comment at urs, so have to write here..

i dinno.... not being sarcastic... i dinno PR means anticipating moves and countering them. Public Relations I thot mean having a good relations with most ppl? whcih dun include making urself the power person there..

u have managed to protect urself in army.. n garnered support for urself.. other than them giving a diff view of life (aj), why are you atracted? after the ns, and ur dealings inside there.... i mean, since u are able to protect certain ppl, i dun think u still belong to the group who believe watever ppl say.. without thinking properly "is tat correct?". other word, "gullible". esp, when u were so ONZZ to earn thru unorthodox means...

yes, may be still finding n growing up n listening to opinions. but it jus dun match ur style in army.. unless 'cos it's on the aj side...

i duno how much popper is, but 500$ for a mass orgy? umm, protected or raw? it seems like sex, or regular wild type, was ur life...

sex can be a part of life, but life is enver a part of it.. sound chim? think slowly... :)

seldom had the chance to visit any true fortune teller.. for the arg, i guess it's either wat the lady said, or u 2 dun see i-i at a moment... hehe..

err, can "dun-bother-to-inform-if-coming" b a habit? i'm not sure.. to mi, more of irresponsibility or bochap'ness..

shan't say anything abt gift... take care dude :)

perhaps i'm queer myself, n learn to see that the world is full of weirdos (my Oz frns ARE :P), i am better able to accept tat, ppl's past build them to what they are now. wat matter is wat they want in the future... the past is gone. no pt regretting. Pei Tong Pri's motto (:P... no link watsoever intended.. but jus remembered it suddenly) WE LOOK AHAED.

i guess tis morning was having the monday blues.. dun feel like going to work... den office there... same routine... wondering if i can make myself stay there long.. 2 yr contract.. i guess they need to assign some good jobs to mi.. i gonna make myself shine there...

after work, walk all teh way to a few busstops away... so tat can get a seat while on bus... to study onw ay home... if not, dun thin have seats. but.. damn, this time, got so much seats avail! but was i so tired? i din manage to study much.. almost wanna dze off siazz... had to listen radio/mp3 to stay awake. walked past the ice cream store, suddenly felt like buying it. den ate like a kid on way home.. dinner was plain and simple..

on way home, felt as though... my life once again in wrecks... no life... shld i get used to staying home? shld i say it reducing my chance to know more ppl? shld i try to catch a movie after work? dunno.. jus suddenly feel tat my life is lacking some spice.. some excitement... or am i not used to sucha serene life?

suddenly feel tired n sianz to go work...

a bad start for sunday... got up, did my ironing, den went family for bfast. i was lying on bed, watching TV n reading my notes. a call came, my mum took it, den family began to make noise. abt 5 mins later, mum shouted "go oredi ah!". i was alarmed.

i den told her off tat she suddenly say go... din even give time to prepare.. she rebutted, din i hear her say we going off liao?

my mum has always been like tis.. ASSUMING tat we know wat she thinking n had in mind. later, on way to bfast, i dunno if i really stressed by studies or, affected by the incident jus now, i was quiet all teh way... i dun think i said more than 5 lines for the whol emorning, during bfast hour.

after bfast, reached family place, used the toilet, n jus went off silently...i was feeling sianzz at my family... as though i having a good life outside... damn it. i was in a good mood, or normal mood.. even joked when i jus reached family. den such thing had to take place..

somehow.. i guess ppl who live alone.. have to live with the fact, they need to self entertain themselves.. cant look forward to having ppl in house to share their joy... this is .. i gues where internet is useful.. n is the world to them...

wondering why my JAVA CANT WORK!!!!!!! DAMN IT!!!!! cant do my pracs at all!!!

check the info.. seem like.. can oni work with SP2? or XP? GOSH!!!!!!!

i think.. i'm soemhow used to staying up LATE on wkends siazz... ju dun wan to rest early.. haha... habit? jus now chatted abt 2hr+ wif a frn... not chatty type.. but somehow, still managed to chat for quite some time.. not much of a topic to tok.. minaly interested in.. advising wat he shld do... when his so-called frn mistreat him..

3pm.. shld sleep liaozz

wow, he proposed to her in national TV... hope they have a blissful marriage...

i think i getting the hang of it.. getting screenshots/// this guy look good at 32 yo...

i like this guy... look decent, family, hardworking... hehe low cut attire LOL...

hurray!!! I've uploaded a sony ericsson theme of Adam chen of singapore!!!! hope it dun violate his privacy in anyway.. sent to T630 themes. Free themes for Sony Ericsson T630 / T628 and Free Sony Ericsson T610/T630/Z600 Themes - Download Now!

ahah.. waiting to be approved.. :D

wah, spent 3hr + making it.. can use liaozz!!

the song on the website is pretty depressing.. wah liao.. dun sing this song lah.. 2 depressing oni make u more depressed

hey, the photo page... someone has taken up my nick!!! i tried other combo.. seem to link back to my own prof.. is it cos they din review my pic yet..

anyway, was quite frightening to see someoen so open abt his past siazz.. but he did have a scarring (correct?) past but a .. an unfrnly army environment... but tat was good oso.. at least opened him up to more frns.. not tat lone self anymore..

but strange, since he can deal wif politics, ancipating moves, why is he so sticky wif his first group of aj frns? i mean, even if he's new to the scene, he shld b able to see his direction.. fancy asking a sum of $$ for the orgy thing.. and, being in politics, i surprised he can raise the money in unorthodox ways...

but... jus bear in mind, fair weather frns (means ppl who contact you oni when u are doing well, n disappear when u need help, esp financially) do not stay wif u. they are more for fun times. u still need loyal frns who u can really trust.. those who wun betray u for anything, those who stand by u when u need them, those who pull u up when u fall, those who advise u PROPERLY when u r in dilemma.. as for properly, my now character will say, it means those who tink of possiblities n reasons n put everything out for u.. but u shld still find a way tat u r comfy wif.. to mi, if frns tell u directly wat to do, u will need to think if it's the proper way anot...

anyway the new name is better oso.. hahah...

to mi, being frank n accepting the past, is a way of accepting ur flaws. i do not escape from it, but learn to overcome it or live wif it. umm., the counsellor is not bad siazz.. heeh... everyone, i guess has their own ugly past.. cos they are growing up. it's wat they learn from that makes them up who they are right now.

"always look at the bright side of life" is true.. try to be optimistic.. for EQ, ppl tend to be emotional when it affects them. but do ask ur trustworthy frns for other ways. they often see it in a diff manner..

coming back to fair weather frns, i guess someone may be reading this blog. wel, my close aj frn.. a close frn of mine did mention he is like to be fair weather frn. but i din mind.. cos i enjoy my time wif him... n ask him out every now n den.. but 2 bad, he "chose" to end the 'ship.

n sadly, 2 of my close frns.. r now in Oz... LEAVING ME ALONE HERE... arghzz!! LOL...

conclusion.. i'd say, for those wif matured thinking, i dun see any reason for them leaving u... i came out to my sec n poly frns too, they din leave mi. n we are open abt my orientation too.

do i have anythign to write abt myself? cos... i wanna reply someone wif essay (haha, it seem like this is the way we comm right now, cos his page dun let mi write long replies!! seem like.. 85 char oni.. mi kisiao, went to calc the space allowed by copying n pasting "1...9" + 0 to make a multiple of 10 hahah..

oh ya, almost forgot.. these days.. after working, often need to do OT siazz.. until.. ok, come home liao, bathe n reply frums... till 11+ 12.. no time to do pracs at all.. n sleeping late, waking early.. make mi have eyebags oso.. den my first saturday, i wanna sleep LATE.. but still unable to.. woke before sunrise (like real), slept again.. den jus laid on bed.. resting my eyes... thinking n fantasizing... dun wanna get up yet..

thinking of thigns happening.. thinking abt my blogs.. den realised soem things.. a lot of my own thots... were previously in my old blog.. storing my umm.. knowledge, understanding bla bla watever shit.. i will keep tat, but for my others stuff inside, may delete.. cos .. dun see the pt. wil keep the "knowledgeable" side of mi on tat page ehhe..

will be updating tat side.. when i feel there's anything abt mi.. not relevant as a blog, but more to mi maturing n my deep thtos.. (hehe.. jus found a photo page site.. will be uploading soem pte pix there... wah liao, multi tasking.. when can i start my pracs?) haha.. now i forgot wat else i wanna say...

oh, ok, cos this morning, i again took some pix of myself.. looks quite nice.. but dun wan upload to anywhere.. decided to upload to net... in tim to come, may upload some music to share... but tat will have to wait.. as i still got my java to settle...

i guess i'll write a new blog for my essay... getting lengthy here..

dunno why i still have an exasperating feel towards 2nd master.. or perhaps... 3-times-sex-mate?

he jus msn mi... asking mi wat i doing.. i gave those blur answers, and 1 liners... dun wan to tok too much.. later he called mi.. but phone line bad... he wanna ask how come i so sianzz.. n wanna know wat bad thing happen.. i told him calmly "nothing".. den phone reception so bad he wnana hang up...

den in msn, he asking mi how to deal wif some thigns... i gavwe him bochap replies. he ask "why those replies" i answered "dunno". den he say he gonna sleep...

i'm not sure if i still feel for him... such tat i have such reactions towards him, or i'm really taking it tat, he dun treat mi as proper frn, so i tok like tat... i've been very cold to him... no more those fancy chats n jokes... always those "busy" attitudes n tones to him... once again, if he think tat's a "alright, i'm doing fine" tone, den nothing to say...

if he ever discover or realise tat i'm displeased wif him, and ask, i shall see how determined he's to know the truth... the last time i met him, he was DETERMINED to know my opinions of his bf... if he's oni curious abt why i such reactions, n not keen to know, den noting shal b told. i'm not being difficult...

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anyway, at work... eheh.. during my last job, even fri need to wear long sleeve. den today, i forgot n wore long still... wah liaoz, during lunch, e guy who came in wif mi.. dun wanna tok at all.. always showing a long face... tok to him, he oso 1 liners.. alrighjt, i done my best. he dun wan tok, i shan't force him..

den, i went shopping.. went down to b1, a sales staff was looking at mi.. i looked back, he's quite nice looking.. den i went over to his counter to lok some thigns.. haha.. dunno if the thigns really attracged mi,. or he attracted...

den while looking at somethign, he came up, n offered help. i asked him some things... he replied witha smile.. haha... he is cute wif a smile, nice looking without it. :D

noadays, unable to write all my thots whenever i wanna.. so get home den write.. thus, i think some things i may forget.. will add them in as n when i rmb..

thes days, i seem to be getting kinda exhibitionist... cos on way home, in my work attire.. if i dun feel cold or unwell, i almost wanna unbutton the top 2 ones.. leaving myself almost indecently exposed siazz...

adding... i usuaully will ,,.. i dunno if i said this b4,, usually, i won't bother to specifically.. i think i did write this line... say whether i happy sad, moody or wat.. tht's too... direct, obvious n str8. i prefer to describe hwo i feel... up to the visitor to realise wat's my actualy mood...

his face... dun appeal, but his shirt look pretty tight.. hahah.. getting on wif my diary!!

quite an alright day.. but i realise tat as long as i not convinced, even when the thign may sound right, i'll not accept it.. haha.. this morning, got an issue.. was discussing wif my upperstudy.. she was talking quiet loudly.. but she din say thing correctly... i nto convinced, so kept on talking..

n realise tat, this place... the top ppl are quite open... but the ppl below still are quite.. critical of them.. soemthing unahppy oso dun wan say.. but i wonder if this is politics, or jus mere unhappiness... these ppl, say tat staying there no use... but to mi, quite ok mah.. have to do thigns ourselves quite good.. various tings to learn..

hehe..ytday, i jo again. dunno how come, the distance is amazingly nice... almost reached my chest!!! :D

hehe.. as for my points in my blog, well, it's just wat i managed to see loh.. n understand.. learning to take thigns in my stride.. n not blame anyone for anything.. unless they specifically made it happen ;)

wah liao, these days.. dunno how come, i gettiing tired.. even got slight eye bags.. not tat cute anymore... boo hoo hoo!!!

aiyo, ytday, i tok time to download some guys' themes for my t630, den today i see.. wah, nothign at all.. now using sony's theme creator.. hehe.. hope can make some nice pic!! got chio guys... bla bla *drools*

feel tat, if he wan, he can strip instead :D

cute feeling guy...

3rd day.. although not much runnign around to do cases, here, the thigns seem better.. cos at least not so much politics.. din do much yet...

i guess i really need to .. umm, i mean, recently.. or nowdays, i will get honry at times.. caught between studying, surfing net, watching TV, and sex.. or rather crusiing online..

but today i thot of an ex-acquaintance... eeh.. term sounds complicated? acquaintance... of the past... thus ex-acq... this acq, he told mi he preparing exams.. so he got no time to jo.. for few mths liaozz, den meet mi up, he 2 honry.. n jerked off..

i thot, since he can control urges, why not mi? for now, if i honry, perhaps can jus DIY, but hor.. when i diy, i nowdays 1 or 2 cm dist... quite a poor turnout :P

i guess i'll learn to control my urges.. or watch porn (but it takes time to find n playback).

den last night, saw from ch 8 news.. abt koreans sitting topless on streets, rioting.. i was 2 slow to record.. den ch U, i forgot to keep track and missed e front part...

umm.. a regular visitor here.. jus recovered from a down period.. unable to write essays there.. unlike MINE, which can really let ppl write their FULL THOUGHTS.. i'll pen my words here.. i know he does read them :D

nice that he.. haha.. i seem to be directing my words publicly siazz!! public declaration of ********?!?... anyway, he got over it, err.. aiyozz, wat i wanna say har? umm, everythign u do, it affects ur future.. wat happens to u everyday, prepares u for ur future.. dreams... has 2 meaning... I jus had a dream = i jus dreamed/t. My dream is to set up a company, sellign my product...

yes, it sounds vague, but i hope it makes sense if u think abt it (i'm not sure whether i.. describe it right anot siazz)

having a blog, lets u express urself to everyone who has been to ur site.. to share your thots wif strangers, meet people who had the same predicament, and let your friends to know u better, and to know what you are going through, as.. when was ur last time to tok to everyone? u don't have to incur additional costs, u don't have to repeat wat u said umpteen times to diff ppl, u don't have towait for a chance to call frns up to catch up.

in SIMPLE WORDS, it lets u pour out your sorrows n happiness (or wat u wanna write). it let u feel as though u told someone, where in fact, u told an unknown no of ppl..

a down period is when u feel soemthing's not right, and unable to get out of it. u have to learn to overcoem it, and, if u can, ask urself why u are into it. very seldome, thigns happen without a reason. there's no smoke without a fire *PAUSE*

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jus saw an ad abt total defence... front part, quite ok.. but later, abt immob, liazz!!! i let out a luff when i saw the guy's army attire ready in the car boot!!
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*PLAY* learn to let go and relax (ur stress), forgive and perhaps forget (any unhappiness).. not easy.. but wif time n perseverance, everyone can achieve it.

ok.. i guess enuff abt tat visitor... jus now my 2nd master msg mi.. i had given him my blog.. but i doubt he reads it. he was asking mi somthign.. i know wat he mean, but i act blur.. to demo wat i felt abt his atttiude. later, he oso give up (he din answer after my "huh") n went to sleep.. alright wif mi..

i oredi told him... how he was treating mi.. at times, he still doing it.. he spent a bomb on his bf, den complain to mi he no money liaozz.. wat can i say? i oredi told him my thots, now he tell mi again, wat he wan mi to say? repeat my ans?

today.. even more sianzz.. ytday still got 1 thing to do.. today, sit beside 1 lady listen how she do case.. wah liaozz.. i stare into blank 80% of the time.. almost dozed off every now n den...

somehow, i hope this job can last mi for some time... n as i walk past the new condo.. i had a dream... to buy a condo or something in australia.. n live there wif my close frn leslie..

was looking at a ... regular visitor's blog.. he got blog there n frequented mine.. so i went there oso... wah liao, was watching the korean show on ch8, den suddenly, got a "shou fang kai"music playing.. i suddenly wondered.. how come the foreign show.. have such a new song accompanying it siazz...

few moments later, i realsied.. i was "duped"... the music came from the blog.........

umm.. thot of updating 1 more thing.. but i forgot wat i wanna write.. oh well.. maybe is.. heard a song on radio after knocking off.. hehe.. sounds cool.. the dj says soemthign like "you gotta be" fame.. i came home, n downloaded.. hehe.. really!! itr's YOU GOTTA BE!!!!

looking at this pic.. i was kinda quite turned on suddenly...

woke up at 6.. for my first day... den found tat alarm clock does ring :D left house by 630, tok bus by abt 7.. got there by 740.. hahah.. so early.. went all over the place to find a toilet... went MAC, no toilet...

today quite ok lah.. but... how come... nowadays.. onsite jobs can actually become helpdesk + onsite 1 siazz.. found out tat, 1 more guy had joined 1 wk back. thot there will be competition.. but nah.. they got 2 ppl leaving.. 1 is roaming onsite.. 1 is helpdesk+onsite.. i thot die liaozz.. again stuck to helpdesk.. even wanna try onsite.. but onsite wil incur transport n mobile $$.. siongs..

but first day quite relaxing..

now my flu almost ok liao..

seem liek these days, i ahve problem finding ons in irc liaozz.. changed my fridae front pic.. hope can better luck..

jus watched despo housewife.. wah.. really cant stand the gardener's HOD BODS!!! saved a number of shots.. 2 bad it's 2 many... i cant share here..

i sent hearts on MN 1 day.. now my timing a bit cock upliao..

"closeup" of dragon

nice looking chap in specs... quite a macho looking guy...

cute guy in shorts heheh...

last yr pet show... nice/cute guy in fitting T YUMMY!

dragon "sleeping"

CNY dragon dance..

cute... creatures.. dunno wat to cal them :)

ehe.. kinda felt i did something honourable today..

today, went to IT show, teh MAC guy... demo to mi.. den wanna show mi.. alright, he's kinda stocky to mi.. big build.. show mi his mp3 player.. as he took it out as though it's necklace.. i felt tat's sexy hehe... coem to think of it.. feel like taking of fhis shirt for him :D

den.. on way back, an midd age lady wanna pick up her dropped cards at the escalator. when i reached her, i helped pick 1 set... she thanked mi... den i oso help her get the rest.. she was grateful n said i'm veli kind :D YIPPEE!!

but funny lei... today, i n my 1st master went out.. den we actually coincide in our clothes color siaz.. same theme... no wonder got some weird look n stare...

den at night, my 2nd master call mi... say wanna tok.. not seeking advice.. ok loh.. den he started to ask IT qns.. n i answer... not keen (for replacing, no interest or not interested) to tok much.. cos he dun listen at all... watever i tell him, need to explain in SUPER details manner b4 he get my meaning...

he den say was i alright... n ask wat he did this time to make mi so... dun wanna tok.. i told him "nothing". had wanna say "u 2 sensitive" but tat is too obvious soemthing's wrong.. he den know i at family.. n thot i not convenient to tok.. ok.. up to him.. he said i'm not convenient to tok... i din say so...

take things slowly.. will treat him as someone who need my advice at times... wel.. see wat goes..

rushing to go off...

anyway, jus now went to seng song buy grocery.. hehe.. got 1 staff there.. quite nice looking (i sometimes lost the diff btwn cute n handsome) we walking towards each other, i looked at him.. he look at mi.. for abt 2 secs.. and we went past each other... den later abt 5 secs later.. we walking to each other again.. we again look at each other, this time he got shy.. or maybe realise wat's going on.. n as i was abt to smile at him, he dropped his head... hehe...

now, i'm no longer thinking.. shld i smile in future?? so paiseh n so odd...

but now, my thots are, i'm frnly enuff to put a smile, ready enuff for some chats if that person wish to... after all, why must we be so stern n unfrnly? might as well, relax, look n b frnly... make our lives easier and happier...

this pic is cool hor? have missed the part where he was full torso... damn

sighzz.. feeling some pain again..

soem ppl in fridae.. wanna add them as frns.. but they.. kinda bochap./.. forgot how long ago wanna add as frns.. bur at elast 2 wks.. den they all dun accept... wah lioazz.. nvm loh... cancel it..

i think i really envy of my roommate./// in half a yr (last aug.. 04 till mar 05), i actually lost count of how many bfs he got... ya he bring them home.. so i was able to keep track haha..

toking rot here..

hehe.. i actually .. for my lunch today, i actually ate extra... cos my normal purchase at the food store is < $3. den today, i ordered extra dish.. 3.2. hehe.. i even wondered if i cna finish it.. but i still did :)

den when i got home, saw the trailer for a drama showing Tae.. well, no interest in the show.. it's jus another plain show. nothing spectacular. i even thot of Tae's popularity. i rmb, in past, there was a variety where Tae went for a swim. when he got up, saw his naked torso. quite a boyish and manly feature.. still miss seeing it..

den i thot, let's say, if he bare his torso... like.. those.. trapped on a deserted island.. encircled by water... day and night.. topless... i think mi, or ppl, will always be wanna watching the show....

but why are humans all attracted to such baring of skins?

jus got home frommy last FOC session of KTV.. sighzz.. forgot to bring my stack of song dedications.. had to write on the spot... den today, some dept celebrating soemthing.. got a group fo ppl always singing.. made mi sit there staring into blank, waiting for my turn./.. den at 1030, went off wif my coleague.. he got transport to send mi down.. ok loh.. hehe.. den i actulaly got to main road in 2 mins, instead of 10-15 mins.. haha...

n know wat? jus when i alighted, i saw my bus waiting at the traffic. haha.. somehow, i felt like jus rushing for the bus.. so i made a 40 m sprint!!! flew to the busstop, n flagging the bus same time hehe...took the bus.. n in 20 mins, i'm home :)

jus now was discussing abt my perm pass at work here.. my work got free ktv every fri.. my boss sugg i report loss of card so i cna keep it... den soem back to ktv every fri... was quite happy n ok wif it.. but jus now, he told mi cant work.. cos if lost, muz report to police, and if found, muz return to office.. sighzz.. wat to do?

anyway, pretty excited abt my new career... looking forward to a new start.. got some advice from my dajie abt creating rapport wif new coleagues.. hoep thigns will work out fine... as another lao jiao colleague of mine said tat, at abt 30yo, it's abt retirement age.. no more new employee who can chiong chiong for a peak... hopefulyl this new job, i can stay...

if not, really veli sianzz.. i know my prob lies mostly wif communications with ppl... i tend to focus on work... as i thot i shld work hard to be a good staff for company.. but from here , i begin to realise that, even if u dun work tat hard, jus an avg performer, but have good relations wif colelagues, u normally wun lose out.. cos your snr colleagues will protect u n guide u n help u along...

but if the other way round, u do good job, but always keep to yourself.. seldom tok to colelagues.. dun mix much wif them.. u'll lose out.. for now.. i guess i'll mizx toking and working to a balance...

haah.. know wat? i was reading my book.. too bored, n i suddenly thot of some erotic story again.. rmb some time back, along the streets, got a guy trampled down by some big size ppl? was thnking... if i managed to save him... den either forcefully pull him into vehicle, or make him concuss first.. den into vehicle.

den when arrive at the location, either change his clothes to something else.. or jus simply use his clothes.. tie him onto bed, spreadeagle... when he wake up, he'll struggle... den play wif him... rip his clothes... play wif him in his briefs oni.. pull his dick out, rip his brief oso... den jus caress n play wif his body any way we want.. hahah...

wat an erotic idea!!

========================

haha.. there was a 1.7m guy from my neighbour at work? hehe. jus now..n ytday, i met him in toilet a few times, den jus now at lunch, he also queueing for the chai peng stall .. feel so good... but at certain angles, he dun look tat good... ;)

sighzz.. been like for some time, i been DIY'ing.. last night, took some time to read mailing list.. cos i heard there are some fiery discussions going on abt a party tat i attended. heard from a foreign frn.

jus now rebooted my PC.. phew.. luckily draft got saved.

heard from my foreign frn... some ppl unhappy tat they were not invited to the party.. n suspected some filterin going on.. well, i jus call them sore losers, and bitching. in the sexual world, if u dun fit the bill, of cos few ppl wanna play wif u... u cant complain "kauzz, tat place not fun 1... " and keep complaining abt the way they do things there.. comeon, they have their rules there! if 1 place does not suit u, theer's always the other...

i oso replied to the string of mails. added my comments and my procedures of registering. n even called upon them, as adults, to check on themselves to see if they did enuff themselves before pinning the blame on others. wah liaozz.. if they din do enuff themselves, how shld they expect others to do for them? Blaming someone before getting to the root of the problem is not a good style. Mind them.

den few days back, got someone wanna hook up wif mi.. dunno.. forgot hwo he did it, but i simply pissed n turned off... umm piss maybe 2 strong a word.. i was turned off by how he chatted up wif mi.. den ytday, oso got someone who tok to mi... umm.. his chatting was ok.. but pic is turn off ;P

saw a link in email about poaching animals for their fur...

if you are into leather or care for animals, visit Poaching animals for their fur. PLEASE NOTE: The contents are quite bloody, touching and may present the viewer with a truly unpleasant experience. *Online video streaming, takes approx 2-3mins downloading time.. depending on your internet connection.

i actaully cried all the way...

WHY ARE HUMANS SO INHUMANS????????? WHEN CAN THEY STOP SUCH ACTS?????

wah liao.. somehow i really feel it's a right choice for mi to leave my current job.. although the company taking over is offering perm post... cos the workload here.. so light... 80% of my time is spent doing own thigns.. so sinang!! not used to this type of work life.. prefer more challenging n busier work style...

previously i dun have much time to surf net during work times.. now, i surf wheneve ri want.. been reading my java book siazz.. or over half a day liaoz.z.

somehow, i seem to work pretty fast.. my this job.. has fixed duties for everyone... i mena if today u shld b doing something, den u usually dun have to do other thigns.. cos u will be bZ going that duty... but for mi, i simply dun see the need to.. i can do all of those... cos in previous job, check email, ans call, everythign take up... but now, either take email, or take call... wah liaozz.. so relaxing..

now i scared i may not b used to the new working life.. anyway, buck up is the word..

a frequent visitor say he is feeling depressed.. well... depression happens every now and then.. if u can learn to take it in ur stride, good... if not, try to overcome it. dun let it rule u... as some saying goes "when the going get tough, the tough gets going..." and "watever obstacle that does not kill u can only make u stronger".

we all learn thru mistakes and failures. get over the depression state, and manage yourself better... tok to ur frns, they are there to help you out...

i'm stil reading ur blog...

i guess... if i wanna tok rot, i'll jus edit existing post of the same day.. if wanna write something impt or really soem entry, i'll write a new blog.

been noticing tat, a few days in a wk, there'll b vistors directed from other blogs to my place. visit the referral site, wah liao, saw some cool effect.. make mi so envious, enraged, n irritated :D in time to come, haha, i'll improve my site.. cos wah liao, i need to understand the xml codes right?? wah liao... so i shld look at some scripting sites?

hehe.. actually the peak period is the last day of feb.. :) a lot of ppl came in...

n thinking of changing the font size... so BIG.

checking my visit logs... someone was directed to my site from the site below..

http://hopelesslywaiting.blogspot.com/ cool page!!! sonya, learn from it!! LOL

oops.. jus now wanna write soemthing, but forgot.. does this have "edited" stamp?

ya, i saw my visitor log, and... to view my blog at 1 go, can jus click on the archive.. i think if click the blog (title) individually... will be quite... confusing n messy.. at least i cant tell the order of the link for "current post" yet..

editing again.. somehow.. i oni waiting for time to pass oni... jus doing my work.. n trying to rekindle my passion for work?

was toking to my 2nd master...

somehow... he once again asked mi.. or rather.. in my sense.. seeking my advice again.. i feel like.. everytime he initiated online chat, it'll be abt his probs.. needing advice from mi.. well, i know he trusts mi n my advice. tat y he ask mi.. but he seem like oni care for my advice.. we din ever chat abt other thigns.. dunno wat other thigns may include, but surely we got topic other than his issues n problems right??

yes, i do feel somethign for him.. but i dun thik.. n dun hope.. tat affect how i treating him.. although.. when he mentioned he controlling himself, i had wnana find out if it's fro mi.. but in end, it's stil for his bf... alright for mi... jus finding out truth.. does not hurt mi..

but i simply.. dun wan,, n dun like it when he treat mi oni as a helpline.. fancy calling or msg'ing mi oni when he need advice.. seem like dun bother to tok other things...

last night, still got the mood... but now.. felt like nothing at all liaozz...

well, i got back my hp liaozz... hehe.. finally.. but hor, the staff there... the security ppl.. they bochap us siazz.. my sup emailed them liaoz, den no news for a day. den i called them ytday, den he read the mail, n even ask who is my sup, n the ppl in the mail list... wah liaozz...

den i finally decided on a time n went down.. hehe.. got the hp pretty fast... but.. nothing to do n sianz at the env there.. so i took my time to stroll there.. dilly dally.. bought a can of drink, finihsed it, den went to canteen to buy some snacks... i really "wasting" my time there siazz.. den finalyl made my way back.. den my sup ask mi how come so long.. on the way i was thinking liaozz.. how i shld explain. most prob is say veli far...

but when i in office, someone "explained" its far.. but i suddenly thot of another possible reason - the ppl there teased mi.. dun let mi take hp so fast.. haha.. i dunno how come i got such reason.. but i just brought it up :) at least.. not so obvious to say the distance mah..

i oso msg'ed some frns tat i got it back liao... n last night, i managed to pull thru till 1am.. but i still dozed off after tat.. LOL

last night.. going home for dinner... going famly there.. felt kinda... umm.. i rephrase...

last night, got home. lied down there, n again felt like there ain't tmr once more.. jus felt like rotting at home.. thot tat i got nothign to do... again revert to my past "hobby" of staring at the mailbox, and waiting for emails to drop in.. lied down on bed. n felt like not doing anything at all... but later, i rmb i still need to study.. n tat will be my duty for the rest of the period... felt there's a mission for mi to complete.. n off i go to family for dinner...

life been lacking spices these days... decided ot buy curry puff from old Chang. the queue quite long, so tat counter staff helped mi by letting mi pay first.. as i bought oni 1 thign. n i went family... on way there, was trying hard to eat the puff n carry my book at the same time.. den towards my direction, got 2 boys coming.. ehhe they seem too engrossed in watching wat i doing.. n forgot to give way.. haha..

den... at i walking on the pavement, somehow... for the first time.. i actually stepped onto some twigs on the ground.. am i really so engrossed in my eating tat i din see them? i start to suspect soemthing is wrong... cos i din step onto some thigns oni 1 time.. but 2 times.

true enuff, when i got home, mum bought zhu chao.. i quite alright... but was disappointed. den she say her hp not working.. but the meal is not tasty at all. the sweet/sour pork.. got bits of bones... n the dishes all like.. 4-in-1 kind. i stopped after 1st round. den the cover for the dishes... the net.. oso dunno how they use.. until it got spoilt.. in jus 1 mth.. wah lioazz...

dunno how they actually use it.......

den i left for home, to buy something to eat for miself... but the wing oso slightly salty...

later i check my mail... is my blog really so ambiguous?? it sounds either positive or negative, and neither good nor bad?? umm.. i certainly won't say things tat are so direct... like i'm feeling down or extreme gladness. dun wna b so str8-4ward. wld rather describe how i feeling.. n my moods...

den was trying HARD to read my book... den playing some games to stay awake. but still.. i laid on bed, n dozed off... reading oni a couple pages.. i think i MUZ buck up...

den morning came.. went for work... while crossing pedestrian crossing, bumped onto a old man... haha.. well, all of us are crossing the roads, looking out for cars.. i did see him coming at the last min, but unable to react as he wasn't looking at mi too... haha.. i feel bad abt bumping him.. but the fact still stays: Look where you're going...

den on bus, saw a boy wif his mum, n i gave up my seat for him... den when reach work area, saw a cat/kittne, n greeted it LOL.. it was stunned siazz..

whole day.. startin from morning.. been wondering wat can i write here... has it become a habit of mine... to write every day? time will tell.. hope i dun jus write any rubbish.. but write those tat affect mi.. n those i wnana share...

jus wondering.. am i losing my life? not as in soul flying off... but my life is pertty quiet... no movies.. focussing hard on studies... no going out.. my hp is still "kept". n no 1 bothered to call mi...

dunno... my new job is starting in town area.. (hope i never put my work location here... i dun wanna b spotted!!) hopefully, by then i cna lead a new life..

writing my thoughts again...

this afternoon, saw a documentary on ch 8.. it's about poaching of elephants for their tusks.. another sin of humans against its own race... animals... for vanity, humans don't mind killing. even got some baby elephants had become orphans as their parent... esp mother was killed... luckily got some society helping to raise them...

den jus saw moulin rouge on ch 5... it's a pretty much a superb show.. really lotsa singing.. quite a musical... like The Sound of Music.. was admiring their singing.. n trying to interpret in my own ways.. wat the various movements, gestures were tying to say..

perhaps i'm outta love for quite some time.. or this movie has a good... or long time no see story... so i was quite touched by it.. felt like weeping.. esp the scene where the ger was forced to give up her love due to a powerful figure liking her... she found it hard to give him up, but for his sake, she still did it.. although it broke her heart..

i really felt for the scene... i decided i'll buy teh vcd... and anyway, the male actor was pretty cute.. hehe.. but i wonder if he was ever in those stupid movies.. or it's his first time to appear in movie...

another wk has passed quietly for mi.. no chionging.. no movie... a buddy (online type) asked mi to go out still... but.. got nowhere to go.. n no 1 contacted mi at all... really.. no 1... except for 2 guys who r keen on mi.. ya lah, they my frns now..

but at times, i really wonder if it's gonna worth the course fees... i am keen n determined to learn back java.. but look at now.. my new job got 3 mths probation. which dun allow mi to take leave.. den i mus clear all my stuff in 6 mth (including passing) to get my subsidy... den got 3 exams to take.. 2 classes to attend.. 1 is over.. am i pushing myself too hard? Or it's a chance to train myself up? to be more time conscious n better scheduled?

let see how things go...

right now.. somehow i'm beginning to feel the same routine for sundays... go bfast, den go buy grocery... lief lack of those surprise n excitement... am i 2 used to going out, enjoying myself, spending money, and give life a break? until i can't settle down.. for a peaceful life?

n everything really seem to happen for a reason for mi...

my hp.. frns.. life, career...

duno y.. i simply cant focus on studying... sianzz.. always so fond of turning on monitor n surf net n email.. wah liaozz...

den my 2nd master came over.. had some fun... n went for dinner... chit chatted some heart matters...

is it my destiny? my fate? my life?

right now, my soon-2-b-ex company has the office pub.. i go every fridae to sing there.. got free ktv, free songs, free food... enjoy singing there... train up my courage n stage mood...

den... my frn is going over to oz.. for long... so i recorded my singing as a parting gift... heard how my voice sounds.. well, optimist view is it's unique. pessimist view is it's terrible.

den now, i moving over to new company... which i dun think got such good ktv area...

the recording made mi lose confi in my voice... i really duno if i will dare to sing at all liaozz... will sing secretly to myself.. but... ktv? 2nd thots... so, everything end up as though... i losing confi in singing, so no need for ktv anymore... conincidence?

oh ya.. my lessons over liao.. now depending on how i organise n plan my timing.. hope nca pass exam n get the subsidy... hope will not give up my plan...

ok.. abt the alarm clock.. last night, i tokingt o my master.. den reception badf, i went downstair... later i came back.. felt tierd, rested on bed, and dozed off...

i later woke at 4+am... i set on alarm... den later.. b4 6am, woke again.. n den 7am.. wah liao... alarm din sound?? i checked the time.. it's showing3 hrs earlier... wat??

i dunno wat the hell happened... over-sensitive? dunno.. i suspect someone adjusted it...

damn it.. i duno wat happened.. my alarm timing correct, but my clock timing is set to few hrs back.. kauzz.. write more afte my lessons

toady woke up at 630am siazz... hey, the fish noodle stall not open? took my bfast n joined bus queue... din take papers.. this time, commuters r neighbourhood students... today, finally the bus was fast.. n i reached there pretty early... ahha.. real early.. in the classrom, not 1 at all :).. jus carried on wif my pracs...

thigns seem to get better today... TR oso said "i progressed fast" haha.. i wonder if he thot my prog skills is so jialuts, tat y i "fast"... den my lunch is really buns... n den he commented tat i fast,

i said "but at end of day, still got lotsa qns to ask"
he said "my job is to ans ur qns"
i replied "i think i need to buy u some mineral water"
he joked "no need lah, buy green tea will do... the reception got a tank of water"

but i know i stil got thigns to buck up... dunno if the exam will focus on theories oni, or pracs oso count.. if pracs count, den i chamz liao... so rushing n blur abt prac stuff... getting backt o books..

oh ya...on way back, saw an army mate.. he was my crush.. he's lean, beng look.. fine n tiny features... he pretend not to see mi... haha. den hor, when he stood behind mi, i wanna get past him.. i said "sorry.." he look stunned... as though i wanna recognise him.. den ater tat he gave way lah :)

am i excited abt my course? i woke at 5.. near 6am.. den felt too early, n slept again.. i usually wake b4 7... den prep to go out.. din bring much... went for my bfast n papers... went to queue for bus around 8am. bfast = 3.3$ (wah, i thto i got lotsa things to write.. but i take quite some time to think )

but the queue was pretty long.. and for 5+ mins, bus din come yet.. strange, my first time to stand jus outside the border-ed queue.. dent eh guy in front.. was like.. stunned tat someone (or a guy) stood suddenly behind him.. move in out, left right.. like so uncomfy..

later bus came, n wah liao.. long line of ppl in the bus walking n finding seats.. i jus took the 1 nearest to mi.. ya i noticed tat got a poly boy like waiting to take the seat i took.. den later he sat beside mi.. while i reading my papers.. he kinda kept peeping at mi siazz... hehe.. i was not scared to show my orientation.. got a poly guy standing near the door... side view facing mi.. i often looked up to him..

but gosh!!! rainy day, den traffic jam!!! thot can be there on time.. but liaozz!!! late siazz!!! n finalyl found my way there... went inside... n started attending the lec...

cos i missed 1 day, i asked the guy beside mi.. he quite not bad looking.. but not local for sure.. i asked him.. but he gave some asnwer which made mi even blur... nvm.. later i asked the tr.. finally got it... but hor, wah liao.. i so blur n so lost siazz.. TR tok so fast n rush... hear wat he say, i kinda understand half half oni...

den during a 5 mins break..tat yandao guy ask tr something... made mi no tiem to ask.. so i ask the other student.. finalyl knew wat i missed... got on... den lunch hr, every1 finsihed their things and went for lunch.. i stayed on,... trying to clear my thing.. dun feel like going lunch oso... everythign so ex.. sighzz.. POOR mi...

den hor, during the lunch, cos 1 student got PROB wif program, TR spent some time fixing it.. n i was left... alone.. staring into blank.. TR oso no time to hiu mi...

in fact hor, at tat time, i was so lost as how to carry on but he like.. dun bothewr abt mi n look at other ppl, i feel so angry siazz.. like he care oni abt those who attending lessons.. mi,who need HELP, he dun bother at all siazz.. later he finally ok lioa... n came over... n ya finally got it...

oso got 1 time, when ppl... i think b4 lunch, when ppl bz wif their assgt, i was stuck somewhere.. he came over, n jus said "u cant do it this way" and went off.. OEI!!!! u the tr... like dat jus went off?? wat u doing?? are uso busy????

i was really pissed... n decided to complain abt him later...

finally, i got things sorted out, n asked him to verify.. he finally explained to mi.. GOSH.........

den lunch time.. all went off liao... i stay in room... the the yandao offered to guide mi 2 thigns... but later, i got prob.. i kena stuck.. i dun ask him.. cos wah liao, he made mi so blur.. dun wan ask liaozz... i make it so obvious siazz..

cos later, when another student.. who i trust more, came in, i asked him as he walk past mi hehe.. n cos this, i kinda skipped my lunch.. din eat anything.. hoping the bfast can last mi... but cant...

i developed migraine!!! wah loa, monday i feigned it.. n now i getting it?? was thinking if i will get any tea beaks... so tat, can go take something.. but no lei.. near 3pm, nohing... den i jus excused to toilet.. back, n took some snacks...

wah, congratulate mi!!! i took popiah!!! wif vege!!! ate 1/3 n jus gave up.. DISGUSTING!!!!!! hehe.. i even thot i may grow to like the dish.. NAH!!!! :D

went back.. sitll fighitngthe headache... wah liao.. seem like a test o whether i can take the pain n caarry on study anot siazz.. i decided i wanna stay put... i muz persevere!!! finally lesson ending.. n i realise i starting to absorb better...

is this a training for my determination later? but will i really need the course? or jsus a test of my determinationj to scceed? cos my new job.. is onsite technician.. no chance to write program.. why i bother taking it still.. but if i dun, nothing to do... now wif this coruse, and loads of tests n theories to memo, at least will have thignt o kill time for mi..

at least during this time, i.. dun intend to go out, n can use the time to prepare myself... n read the thigns...

ok,.. den when the class ended, i went up to tok to TR.. hehe.. oni den i realise we wearing same color!!! hehe.. dun wna mention abt it to him :) but later, i told him i can go for all lessons, he happy.. n even offered to guide mi when the course ended... like give mi 3 hrs personal tutoring to make up for hours lost.. :)

so i went to toilet before going home.. n came out, he opened the door.. frightened mi.. i said in mandardin... u frightened mi... he reply "soemthing mouse.." den was fidning my way out.. haha.. like someone lost siazz.. got home.. n decided to give my best shot at planning...

i bought buns for tmr lunch... n bought mineral water oso.. n decided, i'll go family first to take dinner.. settled liao, den go home to rest.. will watch oni news on TV.. wun read papers liaozz.. for news... cos will take the time to read java notes... den wkend stay home oso... read ntoes... hope i can be disciplined enuff...

feel tat my life is getting boring... now at home, feel sianz n boring to ... havign to go family to have my dinner... so troublesome... still dun have hp yet.. w/o it, leading a boring life..

will i get used to such quiet life? dunno... jus fele tat it's getting dull.. but i know i need to catch up my java... can i juggle properly?

quite lucky, this morning, my sup ask mi go... ok.. last night, after knowing tat my course, need attend at least 4 days of class den will get the subsidy, i was thinking how i shld arrange for it... cos my coy dun wan lemme clear any leave at all.. wah liaozz..

was even thinking of clearing my OFF day, and perhaps even gonna take MC. i mean fake MC lah.. jus to go my classes... den i decided tat, i shld not b so obvious.. was really thinking hard.. how to juggle between lying n telling truth..

ly is to get MC.. take unpaid leave.. tell truth is tell boss abt my predicament.

finally i decided to tell truth... called sup last night, he was standing by his position as sup.. dun wan let mi take leave... i was disappointed, but i know he is talking from his POV.. i cant argue if he dun let mi go...

i was really thinking... i so bad luck siaz.. was so keen on my programming class.. den teh start date of my cos/job clash... n my company oso dun let mi clear my leave... now i may have to pay full amt for my course... can i sustain it? is it a punishment for mi? for not checking n verifying first.. at my age...

when i get home, i even asked the receptionist on email, if any alternate routes...

i went to sleep... oh ya,. now tat i livign alone, wah the space so BIG!!!! can even hear my own echo at times... ehhe,,,

wah liaozz.. sians.. so long din have hp yet.. so hard to meet up frns..

then this morning, my sup ask mi for chat.. hehe.. he agreed to let mi go course hahha....

but he did ask mi go find out exactly how many days leave i got.. in case i use too much... anyway, i can attend my java class, even the receptionist was haoppy for mi.. she called "kevin, i'm bla bla" i think she din say muhc, n i replied "i'llb e there tomorrow.. she was stunned for a sec, den "oh, that';s good!!" she sounds more excited than mi siazz!!!!!

jus now the coy taking over us.. came.. i think i am right to find a new job.. no point staying here.. it's a low-skilled job. no prospects here.. esp when the SLA can be neglected, no 1 cares...

normally when i return hearts, will have up to 9 pages of backdated n new hearts. but nowadays.. wah liao.. although the mail say got > 35 hearts sent to mi, but the pages now stay around 6-7 oni...

i wonder how, i wonder why...

dunno wat am i trying to do... stay up as late as i can? forcing myself to get dizzy (real sleepy) first, before going to bed?