luv_ktv's untold moments

jus had a tour of singapore... why i suddenly had a tour? well, for 1 wk, i been... going work, coming home for 5 days in a row. den today, i went for my class, had exposure to after office hr living. have a lot to say. will write them 1 by 1.

for a long time, i not been going out n visiting the "human" world. y i say so? 'cos for these days, i jus been.. as above, going work, den home. all r cooped up in a corner. din get a breather at all. today, all i rmb, left impression on mi, are as follows:

i deferred my monash for 1 whole yr. i attended course for 1 yr, defer 1 yr. during tat 1 yr of studies, i know all the things they taught. know as in, ez for mi to grasp. or at least, i got time to read n understand. den now, defer 1 yr, those knowledge almost 90% lost. plus, ever since i prep for my java, i dun wan delay any time, n so oni watch news. if miss, or din pay attention, den duno wat going on. den din read Digital Life oso. really... danm it, my knowledge in computer really damn jialut. n din read paper oso.

so jus now, in lesson, i dunno wat're platters, cylinder, track, sector sound familiar but still stranger. wat's more, i ask the tr, he oso explain oni surface to mi. dinr eally go into details. i dun think he can explain in tat details anyway. cos everytime he explain thigns, somehow assume we know lotsa basics. den today in class, i find tat, EVERYone was so quiet n so "attentive". jus listen n din ask anything at all. i thot, do they really understand, or they oso blur, but dun wan / dun dare ask qns? for fear they apepar idiot.

if they really know, wat for they attend class? if they dunno, e tr explain liao, they get it, gd. cos they know thebasics, tr explain a bit, they grasp better. but most of them... do they really understand?? some ppl, they oso ask qns during breaks. it shows they really dun get the whole picture. in end, when i ask, i somehow felt like i delayingthe progress of some students. but i dun care. cos i paid money for the class. i know i din read the books or notes, but since i dun get it, i might as well ask. if the tr feel tat oni mi dun get the pt, he shld know to reply mi later, when during break.

if i dun ask, den later, i still blur, wat for i attend class? but later, finally, got ppl ask qns. i din attend the class for 1 whole mth (cos java). den last wk, i oso ask 1 or 2 qns. tis wk oso. but this wk, got 2 students oso ask qns. i feel as though, i inspired / encourage them to.

in the class, got 2 guys who... most metrosexual (it means ppl who know how to doll n take the time to doll themselves up rite? damn it dun exist in dic.com) in the class. 1 of them, he came class late, n sat beside mi. someone passed the attendance list to mi, so i wanna pass to the person who jus came in. the person din see, so jus walk away. den tat guy ask from mi, smiling. i oso graciously passed to him. later, dunno if cos i got too many movements, so he kept fidgetting n looked at times to my side. but i bochap, n kept loking in front.

speaking of inspirations, am i a BAD influence? well, at my home there, got traffic junction. for mi, i understand how the traffic work, when to cross safely even tho it's red man. so i often observed, n crossed the road when it's safe. DEN... 2 times, i notice tat, these days ppl oso start to cross teh road when it's safe!!! damn it!! am i influencing so many ppl, n so badly???? plus, in the past, when after alighting from bus, ppl usually wait at the busstop, until the road is clear den cross. for mi, i will keep moving towards my destination's direction, till i can cross. den lately, oso realise tat, ppl r following my pattern. gosh..........

after class, i went off. trobuled. cos i know, for my next asgt, i again blur abt wat to do. sianzz. den on my way home, some boys are playing balls. i really envy them. they got so much time to relax n enjoy. for mi, i cant. no spare cash. my bank got money to use yes. but i still need to pay for my monash. yes of cos i can ask my famiy for money. but for wat? 25yo, n still ask for money to use? as tho i not working? my mum is not even asking mi for home allowance. i also hope to buy things, n enjoy life, but same thing i can't. i need to fight for my future, n go for it. i know i'm still leading a tuff life. every workday, i spend about $2 for food, 60c for melon n half an apple. although i oni half full, well, when i get home, i can feast myself on home cooked meal. i find tat, the costly time is on sat. lunch i eat 2.50 + 80c. n finally dinner is 250-3$. even these i muz calculate clearly.

after my SCWCD (advanced java) exam, i thot i can b transferred to programming dept, n earn more $$ , have a better life. n wif someone, pave a better path for our future. but none happened. i'm happy tat, till now, tat prog dept stil lkeen to offer mi a job. thot tat after getting more money, dun need to chamz life liao. but i think my big break is not here here. i stil need to strive a while, b4 i can. i'm not gonna give up. cos nothign will happen if i do. n i'll have nothing too. n i hope to fight for my future together wif my Oz frns.

den i oso saw some ppl playing rollerblade. is there a new design?? cos their blades seem to have a gap between every 2 wheels. sighzz.. so much temptations. long time din ice skate. long time din roller blade. $$. the cause of all evils, but oso the road to happiness.

went down further to take my dinner. on teh way, saw another sec sch boy. wah liao, he seem fashion disaster siazz. he wearing a dark (blue) pattern shirt. den it's those baggy type. top 2-3 butts undone. den bottom 1 or 2 butts undone oso. as he walked towards mi, wind was blowing, i saw 1 side of the shirt blown up, revealing his left tummy. he was shy n paiseh, saw my eyes, pulled the shirt back, n looked very-scaredy-boy at mi. i was stunned at his dress sense. i dunno how to express tat thru my eyes, so, my eyes were on him till he almost reach my 180 deg.

he shld have worn a smaller shirt... oh well, still depend on wat image he wnana proj lah.. cos i think he wanna sppear sexy n good. den was having my dinner, i ask the uncle "gu ni tam poh". haha, he say "jus say siu tai will do". later when he took it to mi, he even explained "siu tai means less milk. " n.. some "tai" to mean more milk. haha. den some other ppl wanna order kopi, but he din hear, so i patted him to go over :) hey, fish leong.. got new song again. other than the Ch 8 song, got new song again. wah, she is the longest surviving ger inthe music scene i think. although not those "come out shoot to fame", she managed to stay on all thees yrs. well done. kudos.

til now, for those i dated b4, got 2 guys who i still haven't gotten over. 1 guy is from 2002. tat time i met him, i say i still miss him. den he was damn insistent on not giving mi his number again. hehe, now i understand his intentions.

den ch 8 got a show, abt marriage counselling. i watched it. n thot i might as well write down my POV too. i know, .... err... although i had a bad patch this period, i still know wat i'm looking for, in my heart.

2 persons dun have to be sticking to each other in order to feel in love.
jus like good frns, but we can share our thoughts n dreams.
our trust in each other shldn't b shaken jus 'cos someone said something.
always ensure u can trust tat person u r in love. cos, if u dun trust him, doubts will b there forever, leading to no bliss.
so tat, since u can trust him, u dun need to ask urself if he's telling the truth.
always b there to share each other's problems.

seem like, as i grow older with time, my view of Love changes... well, i guess as 1 matures n have his own way of living, his vision of a hot and memorable romance cools down. i think this is why, those who dated since teen days, can date for 5-10 yrs n mary. those who r working oredi, may marry after 2-24 mths of knowing.

n 1 last thing. *been writing this blog since 631pm 10 sept. i know i wanna write soemthing, but cant rmb.* in the past, i was very soft hearted. anything happened, i'll be very forgiving. as long as the person say tat he wun do tat again, i'm ok, and everythign will b fine.

now, when i've been working for 3 yrs, have i grown harder-hearted? on the surface, i can say i have. i no longer appear soft n weak in front. if someone blame mi for something, i am able to either accept it, or defend myself. how abt inside? i'm not sure if i m frank abt it, am i exposing my weakness? for now, i can oni say, for those who know mi, if u did thigns tat made mi angry or watever, u shld know how u can make mi ok again. for thoe who wanna know, if i comfy wif writing it out, u will see it here...

jus thot of another thing. jus... sighzzz at my work place. the fat sup. on 1 hand, he was always trying his "best" to encourage mi to do better. den at our meeting, he commenting to the snr, she shld not put in the unofficial items into our itenery, giving tat i, mi, myself, me, yes mi, may mistake it n use it as an official item. she den jus shot out "wah, den i better quickly take out tat item.." sup den say "hey, dun do tat lah".

when i first heard her, i giggled. i thot she again din trust mi n really thot i can't make th diff. but over time, i realise my thinking was wrong. she was sarcastic to sup. cos he actually say i may do tat mistake. so she wanna tok back to him...