luv_ktv's untold moments

gosh.. i think i'm really under intense stress.. for both studies n work..

but i really hope tat, by mid nov, i can really break out of this stressy thing..

studies: as i was oso rushing for my work, i din have muhc time, or even very stressed out to think properly on how to answer the qns. i really cant think from an appropriate POV for my biz module.
then for the programming module, i could have been stressed out, due to having to understand the flow n structure of perl programming. but this perl programming is totally driving mi NUTZZ! i even contemplated running away from it, cos perl is really driving mi crazy. but.. i dun wan disappoint my family...
and due to perl, when i return home n try to do my assignment on programming, i oso dun wan face it n think of a proper algorithm.
sianzz... hopefully i can pass both modules..

den for work: as mentioned, perl is killing mi. but after my assignment is done, my boss came over to say, my sup commented i was not alert/productive enuff at work. n wanna mi catch up. n over the next 2 wks, i did do my work faster.

but at times, i really frustrated.. cos, when i ask qns, my upperstudy sometimes will claim tat the info is oredi inside the docs. but the thing is, it's from her understanding of the docs, not explicitly stated in it.

den these days, i am supposed to amend a program to make it work. have a deadline to catch. den tis program, at times it's having problem in TRIAL env. n i have been trying to make it work. n i've been trying all sorts of way to find out why too. add debug statements, the problem dun occur. remove it, the problem happen.

the catch here is, we intend to move things outta old server by end of oct. but this same probm is bugging mi for some time. n oni ytday, i managed to find out exactly wat went on. i was hoping to resolve the prob by ytday, but my boss went home early. i den took some time before i decided to check with my other colelagues. i originally wanna just leave it till monday when my boss came in... cos my thinking "the boss went home, wat else cna i do?" but.. after checking wif colleague, i.. learnt tat it shld nt b the way..

was i 2 tired? duno.. my boss recently trusted mi a lot, n set an expectation for mi to know the system well in 1 mth's time. sometimes, i felt i'm not living up to her expectations. i am happy she can see soem ... stuff.. in mi, but i'm not sure if i can meet it. although i'll try my best.. my stress comes from... "i dun wan 2 b branded as not alert anymore".

ppl say, my boss's behind mi, protecting mi.. i knw tat, but i dun wan to mis-use her protection.. i have to make sure i'm doubly alert...

but somehow, i duno wat happening. in my prev job, i was really... very keen to make things happen.. but tis time, i seem more on the passive side... i duno.. is it cos i'm afraid tat, if i ask, i will b treated as "not reading docs properly"? but... jus felt tat, i really need to knw more thigns than i do now..

n my appetite has been affected.. mood as well...

sianz, i have to adjust my mindset... i muz keep in mind, i wanna make things work..