Sunday, June 04, 2006

every little thing does contribute to individual development

i've failed 1 mod b4 for my monash. now, facing 2 exams again. 1 is theory. 1 is calc. for theory, i myself feel it's good, cos i get to delve into my understanding of the subject and elaborate watever in my mind. for calc, it's basically memorising formulas n applying them appropriately. somehow, i feel tat the latter is more difficult for mi.

ytday (saturday), i tried VERY hard to make myself commit to studyign. but i failed. i got despondent. i kept escaping from reality (as usual) by doing some other things, n dun wanna focus on exams, yet. den when late evening came, i managed to start a lil. but when it came to a qn which i totally dun grasp, i felt helpless and.. hopeless. i was defeated by .. soem fears. i eventually escaped again by laying on my bed, and dozed off. i woke at 330am. replied 3 sms and went to sleep again.

in morning, i decided i shdl conquer my fears n really go onstudying. i den ironed my office attire for tues, wed n thur. i got interview on tues. while ironing, i actually reflected on lotsa thots: y am i gettign tis mod to study? it's calc and formulas. but den, by getting us to study some mods, there mus b a reason. my major is biz system n sys development. sys dev is jus IT. but biz sys requires biz mgmt thinking n analysis, requiring us to understand the biz logic n thinking n, based on given figures n facts, select the most suitable proj, without factoring in personal feelings if possible. mgmt sci is abt tat. y shld i b afraid n wanna escape from it? if i really manage to pass it (by chance luck or anythign), i'll b thrilled.

soehow, i have to convince myself tat, it's for the good of my future...

tata

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