luv_ktv's untold moments

it seems like there is a reason for everything tat's happening to mi.

moving out: i've stayed by myself for almost 2 yrs. during this period, i truly learnt how to fend for myself, n stand up for myself. perhaps, thru this process, i learnt abt being confident? or maybe i am clearer abt my stand now, so i am more confident. these few mths, i am oso able to see things better (not the eye sight), n appreciate things more. like now, i tend not to shout at my mum.

2 reasons. wat';s done is done. shouting n scolding no use. it's jus getting u frustrated n my mum feeling bad. scolding never does anything good. it';s hurts a reln. i'll prefer to stay quiet, n do things the correct way in my view.

and, she is my mum. i dun wan to lose temper at her unnecessarily. having been thru ups n downs, i can put myself in her shoes better. in past, she always do things for us, without asking for payback. to the pt of getting up in midst of night, to ensure the clothes r ready for wearing, n tat, taking care of the family as best she can. but, being a human, n a emotional mum, she too has her tantrums. but my siblings still take her for granted. questioning y she did things w/o telling them.

n yes, being a mum, n mi the youngest child who she always deems mi unable to take care of myself, she will wanna cook my every meal, ensure i have a good dinner. in the past, if soemthing's not right, i;'ll get sensitive, n rant off. now, i jus (learn from my sis) keep quiet, n do wat i need to make things right. n abt the meal thing, to the pt tat, even if i hungry, she readily make a quick meal for mi. i appreciate tat, cos, if my bf is hungry, i sure oso over-react n respond fast like her. wat;'s more, i'm her baby, n the youngest. i rmb, during the CNY reunion dine, she was doing some last min food prep. i ask her to eat first. den when she eat, i saw her utensils not ready, so i took for her.

n last yr, a frn (personal frn, fridae frn) who i thot will b fun if we could b together, had taught mi tat, as long as u knw wat u r doing, dun worry, jus do so. y bother abt ppl's views?

rmb mi toking abt my eyes twitching? i think it's a way of letting mi knw certain thing will happen. n letting mi learn how to deal wif uncertainties of life. i'm not sure how true is my thinking, but it's how i see it.

n, all along, i been working in helpdesk positions. since day 1 of fulltime work, i oni had 1 programming position, whcih i din really work hard for. i take them for granted, n din see the need to fight for the post. den now, after being stuck in various helpdesk jobs for so long, i'm pretty sure where i really wanna go, for now. programming in java, ie. i knw i dun wan to b stuck in helpdesk, cos it's not my personality to b helpless, n b dependent on others. u know, we can oni try out wat has been proven right. i've been stuck in these places for so long tat, i really determined to b a programmer again. this is my motivation. perhaps if this route din happen, i wun b so determined to achieve my dreams.

as programmers, if i see soemthing not right, i have the power to change it. n being in helpdesk, helped in my communications n thinking n analysis. i am better able to speak over the ph.