luv_ktv's untold moments

these days, been fighting for my ... life? i really owe a lot to my boi... after work, got an sms from my boi. suddenly, i seem to contract flu. been thinking quite a lot. suddenly, my strong front is about to fall. come to think of it, whenever my boi did something for mi, i'll reply wif a std line.

yrs ago, back to '02, when i walk up escalator, n saw my ex, i will smile graciously at him, making him paiseh. whenever he praise mi, i'll b happy oso.

Over the years, till now, why have i changed? y am i so cold in my replies? somehow, i feel tat, being in the corporate world, where i'm not used to yet (still), n after watching so much TV, i am beginning to hide my true self. i dun wan ppl to know my true self. even in my mind, i have this thot: even if i afraid, i shldn't show it. i have to conceal this weakness of mine, so i wun b defeated. In other words, taken advantage of.

even for my gal frn, she once commented, i'm not myself. cos til now, oni she, prince, n my boi can make mi really be myself. joking n teasing n flirting n b crazy at times. when she was wif mi (walking around somewhere), i commented she made mi kisiao. tat was when she say i am oni controlling myself.

these days, when i not wif my boi, i feel my world is kinda collapsing. i miss him a lot. yes, i am often reasoning. cos to mi, if i really get emotional, i can't control it so much. my boi can ctrl it better than mi. rmb, 1 time, i eating ajisen wif him. tat time i was emotionally disturbed. i din tok much. cos i really dunno when i'll b ok, or how to manage it.

humans, are, still emotional animals. i cant deny it. i guess i will have to release my emotional self after all.

anyway, i dunno wat happened. my right jaw hurts a lot. i realise it not the jaw itself, but it my ear drum. i cant open my mouth wide to eat. gosh... why are so many things happening at such shrot time??? to mi, my boi, and us noth?

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To: My BOI

Take good care of urself. I look forward to a better future for us. With no-more serious arguments. We will love each other deeper and stronger than before.

Love,
Your Dar.