hehe, i'm bitching here... was watching ch8 9pm show... haha.. witnessed how fiona xie expressed her various emotions... umm, u name it, she gotta express it.. haha... her expressions are always so limited!!! using her std, ahem, trademark, expressions for every emotion she has to send out... lol... always such a kiddy n useless stunt..

eheh... but nt to worry, for every ep of this show, i got record down!!!

umm abt work, i can say that i'm performing better these days.. at least its how i felt. i managed to grasp things faster, dne do thing within timeframe as well. and when we need to check things out, i was able to fish out the required details.. esp, when additional details is needed, i got them within minutes hahah..

den oso, my sup explained some flow to mi, n i got it at 1 go. n later when he thot i misunderstood him, i stood on my feet to say y things r alright. de he realised he mistook my words hahah...

umm.. ok, my boss is a married woman. above 45yo. she take special care of mi.. maybe due to personal reasons, or she saw the potential in mi.. she often takes good care of mi, and dun allow mi to stray off track.

den... for my upperstudy... she got a new PC oni in july... the mth when i jus joined the company. den.. my new PC is due to arrive in 1 wk's time...

she got the jacket from the company in july oso.. i duno... jacket is a sign of confirmation, she joined the company in mar... duno.. i noticed tat, when i first wore my jacket, she was standing there, staring at mi in disbelief..

oh well carry on wif my reading up..

lol.. watching ch 8 dramas to relax b4 i restart my journey to perform my best at work..

wah.. adam chen wear the blue singlet is DARM DARN DARN HOT!!!! SIZZLING!!! but sometimes, his expression is pretty similar to those he used when acting in host-drama of a variety show.. where he acted sissily... lol...

den, the way pierre png avoid fiona xie is like a gay man... rejectingt he advances of a ger subtlely..

well, as i said, my boss jus hinted mi ytday. den jus nw, had a presentation to show my findings to my sup.

i wonder if it's cos i dun have exp in dealing wif servers, or i'm really not tat knwoeldgeable.. he told mi the exact steps tat i need to take to advance..

now the presentation is over, i felt i had jus escaped death.. haha.. tok abt job security! this wkend, i oso will burn it to stay n read docu @ home.

woah... as mentioned, i got my jacket (a sign of confirmation of our job) on last monday. den 9 working days later, on way home, my boss hinted to mi tat.. my sup felt i was not alert/productive enuff.. watever good words u can think of.. den my boss put in good words for mi, saying i am oso bogged by studies.. n be light on mi..

oh well... hope i can do better now.. after handing in my asgt..

am i lucky or wat?

on tues nn, my sup email mi, asking mi to check for some details. den tues night, he email again, asking mi to chk for the details so tat he mi n upperstudy can discuss it (tis is wat upperstudy say 1.. i thot discusson's merely btwn mi n him). den tues, i not in office. wed, had 2 meetings b4 lunch. den noon, i tried my best to chk details, but slow progress.. after work, need to go class.

den thur, suddenly, my upperstudy say has to prep the docs for the meeting. i was abrupt, but ok, cos i done 60% liao. den, later, she email out, saying sup is on mc, n cannot have meeting.. wah...

i'm beginning to love the ch 5 show "Ghost Whisperer". tis show focusses on how a 30yo ger could feel ghosts around her n help to deliver their soul by fulfilling their incomplete wishes.. be it redressing their grievances or finding out wat's bothering them or simply letting their living family knw their last words...

wat i like abt tis show is, its not merely some ghost-scaring show, n not meant to scare u, but to highlight on the love that has been missing when the ghost was still alive. it's a bother for mi to write out abt those eps i watched, but ever since i started, i felt it's a good show.. it's really on the sentimental side of the human nature..

on a few occasions, my nose even twitched..

but... have i turned too sentimental?

damn... somehow.. ok, although now my post is Systems Analyst, in charge of analysing and introducing new features and sorts into the system.. I'm still very much stuck in the programming mindset..

I WANT TO WRITE CODINGS!!!!

but nw, wat i mostly do is more to research... :{

come to think of it, i again nearly kena backstab..

few days back, i was discussing my latest tasks wif her. i told her the fine-tuning is not done yet. she said "fine tuning not urgent cos not needed yet".. ok.. nice of her.

BUT ytday, during the proj meeting, when we were toking abt the proj, she sudenly ASK "do the clients wan to knw how will the files b converted??".. kauzz.. i really stunned!!! she herself admitted tat i dun need to do it yet.. n nw, she stab mi, by asking tat qn?? wah liao!!

den, we needed to send a script to our client to try out. tis script, i saw it, n commented tat "there shld b space in between". she say "no, not needed". but the thing is, i did try things out, n without space, it cant work! nonetheless...

den... today, when i saw the result of the script, i saw that the script has a SPACE...

am i confirmed?

when i first came to the company, the admin ppl told mi tat, i'll get the jacket after i'm confirmed for the job...

den.. tis wk monday, i actually got it liao.. i den chk wif my colleagues.. they say, i wun get any letter... the jacket is a way of confirming u... i find it funny.. so informal 1...

am i really confirmed??

my upperstudy...

haha... she's really keen to over-shadow mi siazz!!

during an informal meeting today, oni my team (sup, boss, upperstudy, mi, n 2 colelagues) in the room. my boss was asking if we got any feedback at all..

i thot for a moment, n said "tech n biz"..

after mi is upperstudy. den she actaully said: "i dun agree wif that statement. i feel tat... " wah liao... i heard, but i din respond. i just reacted as normal.. ie, took it as her feedbaack.. well, i'm used to it.. she jus wan 2 b the smarter ger..

den... i promised a cutie ns boy.. i'll shoot a vid of mi shaving.. hehe, mayb tis sat will do it.. lol..

interesting day..

lol.. i went swimming today.. haha.. got those kids practising their swim in pyjamas. den 1 boy.. sticking his back to the wall in pool, was practising, i think, breathing. the funny thing is, he lifted himself in n out of water to practise.. as a result, when he sinks into water, his pyjamas top was lifted by the water to his armpit level.. wahhaa.. tis ahppen whenever he sink into water siazz.. when i swam to his direction, i find it so funny.. so enticing!! almost like a strip tease whahah..

later on, went to have haircut.. my poor cute stylist chamzz.. he was late for work, n his boss kept complaining to mi abt hwo late he's, n how time-unconscious he is.. den.. wah liao.. backstabbing? even the auntie who enjoy toking to him when i went there last mth, oso spoke bad abt him.. kauzz

when he arrived, he told them he dreamt of something.. i dunno if true anot.. wahha.. most likely jus to simmer everyone.. when he came to do my hair, i chatting a bit wif him.. den when he was washing my hair... wah liao.. i felt so good LOL.. cos he was rubbing my cheeks siazz.. dunno y.. wah, felt SO nice.. n nw his hair color back to black color.. n he asked mi wat i think of his color nw.. i was thinking... den he say "i din haev time to do my hair so..." i den said "both look good ;) " den he luffed his head off n commented "i sure knw how to say good things"

den hor, while doing my hair, he was leaning over mi.. wah.. i felt so much like hugging him siazz!! but chamzz.. cos we were chatting, n he IS doing my hair, his boss came over n commented "wah.. slow motion hor?" sighzz.. i even apologised to him siazz.. but 1 nice thing is, i telling him my plan to start going gym in coming mths, mayb nov or dec (after i'm confirmed for the job lah).. he say he oso thnking of going.. to those govt places.. u knw.. those SSC type.. $2.50 kind. i told him those jus simple 1s.. i intend to go those wif swimming, gym, sauna, n steamroom.. he immeidately say "wah, that's wat i wanna try oso".. n den he suggested mi buying those protein powder to drink.. to gain mass..

but.. i oredi thinking of how to bring a guest into the gym thing.. u rmb? i mentione abt my spa thing.. i think i probably will sign up soon.. den bring guest in LOL.. OH MY GAWD!

den hor, wah.. tis time i cut to short hair.. n realised tat.. long hair make mi smart looking.. short hair cute. esp when my hair was done wif black color, i felt like a sec boy.. whaha.. den when my hair got highlight, i realy dunno wat category i'm in.. but i really look young boy siazz wif tis short hair..

den i went to join my frns for ICE-SKATING! so shuang!!! i particularly loved speed!! but i cant control it.. den saw a few cute guys.. n 1... yes 1 yandao guy wif his gf.. my frns r from my workplc.. wif 1 ger who is streetwise.. tis ger seem observant of mi siazz... her words soemtimes seem to hint @ my orientation.. but well, i din react 2 much..

but INTERESTING!!.. my hair is short liao n i wearing attitude pattern T shirt n back pants.. den while skating, 1.. sec or jc or poly guy (tat age range) skated near mi n said "boy, ur shoelace"... WAH!! he call mi boy???!?!?! i was practically stunned!!

den.. wks back, the whole team had a lunch meeting wif our BIG BOSS.. the director of our dept. during the meeting, every1 raised ideas n feedback on wat they felt abt everything. i oso said my pc. the boss den said i can email him to give the feedback..

i thot it was nice to give the feedback, but thot nothing of it. but my proj lead encourge mi. so tdy, i decided to send out, to boss, CC proj lead n supervisor.. wahaha... after sending, my proj lead was happy n told everyone the news. she oso encourage every1 to bring up more ideas. n said, other than bringing up, we have to make sure we get the mgmt to see the NEED to implement it n see tat it happens.

n u know wat?

my upperstudy den replied, yes we have to let the mgmt see where we are coming from, and why is there such a need to implement it, and she oso ask who can we channel such suggestions to...

wah liao, i can see tat she's trying to gain some points for herself! rite after i sent out my ideas, she gave such a response. this kind of meeting is held monthly 1 loh.. n she beeen theer 4 mths more than mi.. she shld oredi have some ideas to give..

but anyway, ... haizzz... (i realyl sighed)... i staying put for the pay. if nt, i may have left the company or soemthing.. i wanan make my mark. i decided liao. i will do my best. n unless they dun wan mi, i wun think of leaving at all..

wow.

nw my upperstudy is really giving mi headaches.. ummm.. am i really such a pain as a colelague? as a teammate?

well, jus nw, the upperstudy told mi off... in front of other colleagues in office, she questioned how long i've been working on an issue... she even mentioned since 3 wks back. i really hate it. she's pinning the blame on mi!

this prob occurred 2-3 wks back yes. on 19th sept to b exact. over days, i solved the it. den as we exploring the data, ensuring integrity, saw some glitches, n over days, i cant resolve, so she helped. ok, thx for tat. we put up the file for testing. this prob was resolved.

however, as she explored, she found a dead link. she wanted mi to resolve it. tis link, well, is quite problematic, as the data file is quite messy n i need time to understand it better. so she wanna mi resolve it. i did it, but due to MISCOMMUNICATION, the files were kinda mixed up.. or something. i dunno wat happened oso.

she den grumbled n told mi to jus make the changes and send to testing again. it seems to be working fine. so i went home. den tis monday (25th sept), she found soemthing wrong n emailed to my office account. umm.. i forgot when she emailed. but i was nt in office at all.. i think it's tuesday. cos jus nw we arguing abt the time frame i took.

she said the whole of tis wk used up for this issue. den i argued back, saying i oni started on wednesday. she den chk back the email.. but come on, monday, i on urgent leave. tues i at home doing testing. wednesday noon den got back. how am i supposed to start?? wah liao...

she den said she may try to hlp later.. while i continue my checking. DEN, my supervisor wanna assign mi some tasks while she n sup discussing. den she stopped him, saying i still resolving a prob. somehwo, i feel tat at that instance, she's badmouthing mi. it cld my prejudice, i dun deny.

later, i asked her for a contact's number. i thot it shld b faster if she knew it n gave mi. she say it's in the docu. ok, i found it.. but i cant contact the person, so i asked for the mobile. den, i dunno wat she heard.. she was frustrated n told mi the contact's desk number. i told her i found it oredi.

i oso tried asking her something whcih i.. have always wanted to knw but she nvr managed to understand my pt n kept emphasizing that she dun think the contacts will knw as well. but today i ask again, she still cant gimme the ans. n still say, she dun thin contact will know. but i managed to call the contact.. n YES, i knw more abt how the system works. it seems that, the contact is better able to understand my qn n answer mi properly. but the upperstudy keep telling mi abt the programming point of view (ie, making things work). but wat i MUS n NEED to knwo is the business rules, and how the system actually works! our coding can help to make things work, but i need to knwo if wat i am doing is according to the rule!

later in the day, i told her tat i managed to resolve the issue temporarily. i admitted it, cos there are some things tat i need to research on. but i think her mind is having thots tat i imitating her, as she once told mi she implemented a temp soln too. den she got pissed, n ranted on..

when i told her the results of my investigations, she doubted mi (cos she nvr did detailed exploring, but i did, when i was testing my results) n pull back some old files. but gosh, she pulled back old files, n still claimed she din see the results of my work. OF COS! i merely told her str8, the change was there when i uploaded my file.

sighzz.. jus my luck to have her as my teammate, a high flyer, who expects efficiency as the key. she is an independent person who does things her way. i've prob clicking wif her.

lol.. long time no first-timers comment on my pg.. saw it, n decided to respond.. to show it's an active blog :P

umm... how does he knw abt castaway blog? n how did he find my pg??

my spelling innovative meh? lol.. more to jus typing watewver i wan n dun bother correcting the mistakes, cos its simply my most natural side ;) y bother making it look/sound nice/perfect when i'm supposed to b totally relaxed n b myself here? wahaha..

umm... actually i wonder.. wat makes a company wanna confirm a staff position..

when he manages to keep up wif the speed of the company progress?

when he manages to do things within his scope?

for mi, well.. my 3mth is almost up (i start work on 3rd jul. by rite, 3rd oct is 3 mths old). i... oso... start to wonder will tis company confirm mi anot..

i got 50% confidence... or... 75?

i came here due to my SCJP ability. since first mth, i have been able to churn out the pages required by me. i managed to setup a new system for testing within a shorter time than they expected. seem like my java skills r undoubted. my office pc is slow and slow. but my boss since 1.5 mths back has been asking mi to put up a request to buy a new system so tat it's fast enuff.. even until nw, she still say so. well, true, she cld b jus requesting to get a new PC, for whoever might come in later.

===============

den, wat makes a company dun wan confirm a staff? his attitude? his abilities? his integrating wif the company culture? umm perhaps...

===============

so wat makes mi so not sure of my position?

i am good in java. den, 1 mth after i came in here, i was told to pick up PERL (caps to emphasize i'm surprised at the lang i need to pick up). PERL is oh-so-diff from the usual languages that i know of... i was pretty resistent to it, cos
1) it's a new language n so text based.
2) tat's not wat i came here for!!
3) i dinno i had to pick it up
4) there is nothing for mi to try out on!! PERL depends on a server, but the server... i dunno how to manipulate.. or rather, no way to manipulate it at all..

but knowing the language will really help a lot in my work, cos, NOW, we r using it in our apps, and FUTURE oso using.. at least near future (2 yrs time) will. however, i'm having serious problems wif it.. cos, its not simple read n get input. it's oso.. connecting and linking to various files.. and some actions n interpretation of certain codes... i realy have problem following it...

tat's y i duno whether i can make it anot...

ok.. ytday, i took urgent leave to do my asgt... den today (tues), after i got to office, i greeted my boss, n she chatted wif mi. den she got to knw of my home PC config.. n decided to send mi home to do testing.. i was stunned... haha..

ok.. my pt here is, nw tat i have more tiem on hand (yes, nw at work got bit more time) so i took some docu home to read up. den as i reading, i thot of more n more scenarios tat my upperstudy actually play mi out... for eg, .. or 2 egs:

1) 1 time, we need to do soem backend processing. the process usually takes 12 hrs.. we started at 9am. ao, abt 7+, when my upperstudy confirmed it will take longer time (means, it wun finish at 7+), i went home first. the next day, i went to office, n check on the status. it seems to have finished a part so i ask her if shld do the next step.

her reply?

"no need, i did already".

2) we need to do a mthly report generation. so on e wk tat we shld generate the report, i was bz, n decided to do next wk. DEN, next wk, i admitted to her saying "aiyo, last wk forgot to do the report.."

her reply? (guessed it?)

"no need, i generated already".

===========

wah liao!! hey, its my first time u know!!! u shld b guiding mi siaz!

to mi, she seems more of an independent worker, who prefer to do thigns all by herself so tat she dun need to co-ord wif any1.. everytime she does thigns, she jus do without informing..

i thinkking of telling her, cos i oso working on the proj, it's better to keep mi informed on wat files were modified.. especially those tat i touched b4.. but i feel tat, she will reply "u dunno the system tat well yet..."

nw, i can oni depend on my OWN effort..

lol.. somehow i think i'm addicted to masturbating...

u know.. or rather guys know, masturbation leads to getting physiologically high. it makes someone forget unhappiness n indulges in tat temporary enjoyable moment.

does it sound like smoking? cigarettes, cigar..

tat's why i say i'm addicted. smokers tend to smoke when they are stressed to relieve it. for mi, when i stress n wana escape reality, i resort to masturbation. but later, i still return to the real world..

can you believe it?

for 2 wks, including wkends, i din sleep on my bed. i had work stuff to do at home. so i forced myself to wake up in e mid of the night. i realised tat i cant do so if i lie on the bed. i will jus doze off, n wun bother to wake up even wif an alarm...

so i forced myself to sit on my armchair n rest... so tat, when the alarm goes off, i will wake up, cos it's not comfy to rest in chair. it was really tough.. i dun have enuff sleep.. n yawned frequently.

den... yesteryda, the workload has finally got lighter :)... and for yesteryda, i finally had the chance to go on my bed to rest...

and... as i rested on my bed, i really felt i missed my bed a million!! i missed its support, its firmness, its comfort, the wide space on which i can roll about, and its gentle touch... i really felt i din rest on my bed for a long long time.. it was really a hard period! having to rest ont he chair n not touching my bed at all.. upon tis, i wept..can anyone understand how it felt???

i really wonder...

did i lose my troubleshooting skills?

cos... while fixing a perl script jus now, i found out where it went wrong.. somehow, something jus is not working rite.. i cant fix it. den my upperstudy came over (i asked her ot help), n saw the problem. well, she simply made a new routine to process tis additional condition...

umm... let's say, if tis is a java file, i will probably... knw where it went wrong... n suggest to make a new method? probably...

but for tis perl, i'm not familiar enuff to decide on making a new routine.. but well, i guess it all jus boils down to making things work. going by tis direction, i shld knw wat needs to be changed..

i need to finish blogging in 10 mins time.. den rush off to work..

damn it, another back stab by upperstudy..

wah liao, 2 thigns i wanna get off my chesT!

1) i started learning perl oni when i came into the office.. count from end jul. i dunno when she gave mi perl codes from our program to test out.. probably in end jul oso. from then till nw, my knwledge of PERL is jus so basic n so untrained. n yet, at tis time, she wanna mi debug perl script in days?? n, this perl script the data is stored in server, nt in our side! it's so hard to debug.. wah liao!

2) today, there was 2 issue on production side. she came over n told mi abt them. 1 she elaborated. 1 she jus mentioned the problem and whihc file. so, i did the first 1. den i jump to 2nd 1. but 2nd 1, i dun have details, so i ask her for them. she came over, n insisted she gave mi oredi. n claimed tat i typed out in my notepad (yes, my practice is type out things inside notepad) but probably deleted away. n exclaimed "kevin!! ai.."

and all these r done while the team lead is around!

i thot i might really have deleted away. but i dun think it's possible...

n den, when she gave mi the details, i AM 100% sure tat she din tell mi anything at all. cos i nvr saw those things b4! she later said, she might as well email mi in future... my thots: yes, it;s much better. thanks a lot!