i'm feeling depressed... somehow.. ;) dun feel joyous.

anyway, 1 funny thing happened today, which i felt i went slgihtly overboard.. but how else shld i react??

on the bus to work, usually i will see an avg'ly cute guy after i alight, walking wif his bespectacled frn. i will take note of him, def'ly. den today, so qiao, while i waiting for the bus, i saw a cute guy in plain T and jeans, toking to his frn. wah.. i keep looking siazz... my bus came. i boarded it. later he came up as well. ahha, he did notice i was lokoing at him ;)

little did i expect, when i alight the bus, this guy is the one who i see everyday! but tis time, matter got worse slightly. cos on the bus, he saw mi looking at him. so, when we walked into the blding n into the lift, i was all along behind him. inside the lift, i stood at his side. haha, he let out a exasperating sighz. helpless he is LOL.. and evil i am.

well, today is reptty odd.. i missed TODAY. den the mrt, i duno how come tis tiem i am the last few to board, n my location was so jammed. i den squeezed to the middle. sigh, the people here simply don't move to make space for incoming commuters. at times, i set a bad eg for ppl who see how i behave in public. den the gd side.. i'm not sure how mcuh they learn siazz.. but at the swimming pool, ppl did follow my suit which is FANTASTIC hahaha...

my bus came, and surprisingly, as i boarded the bus, a lady wanna board oso. n we both were behaving courteously! letting each other board first. after scannign the card, we even offered each other to go into the bus first! LOL.. den i giggled n whispered "sorry.." den, i alighted at my stop, n went into my office bldg. know wat? a lady (taller than mi) was before mi, n we walked for abt 10 metres b4 we entered the blding. she was peeping into the blding window pane n saw mi behind her. the lift came. 1 ger got in, the lady went in slowly, n i went in. the lady den went directly to the back fot eh lift, while i pressed my floor. after the ger went out, the lady came forward to press her floor. OMG. i felt that, if i look back at her, i'd appear to feel soemthing abt her behaviour.. thus i jus din react...

morning was fine... i was doing my work.. den lunch was pretty fun.. lunchmates toked more.. BUT.. later, to think tat i was doing my db, n tried to preview a vid (u know), n my pc hang. damn it darn it. i din even save my DB. sianzz... so i took a break. but i stil din have the momentum to re-do it. later my colleagues are going off, n ask if i leaving. i say no. but hor, damn it. he has car. n probably i can get a ride to the mrt. anyway, after i boarded the bus for mrt, i hesitating abt going to my classes.

den my frn called mi, saying tat e class cancel liao. hahaha.. wat fun. so i decided to try it out, by takign indirect buses home. wah. the wait is LONG SIAZZZ.. wait for bus, den jc students boarded bus, den 1 TR age ger boarded bus, n used her carry bag to push mi while we seated same place. wah liao, she never see 1 siazz.. i even had to tell her off. KAUZ.

DEN, came an old lady, those 40+ woman. fat 1. she sit beside mi, wah liao, keep pushing her limbs to touch mi siazz!! GOSH! later, got 1 uncle, i immediately gave my seat to him.. phew.. siao.. overall bad experience in taking an alternate route siazz.. i wan my mrt back... sian thing hor is that, after i got back to my town, the ezlink card machines are spoilt. BOTH.

but hor, i wonder if it's because i'm used to the way buses n bus passengers behave.. on my previous job route.. i mena, the ppl r mostly working class or ppl who heading back after work. den diff transport to diff place at diff time have diff ppl taking it.. or rather, ppl of diff minset, attitude n class... hahaha.. am i thinking too much??

but.. i'm thinking abt 2 things. 1 is a guy, who i had accompanied during his arcade sessions. we even helped a frn to move house. n i was really protective towards him hahah... den antoher guy is the mgmt level 1.

perhaps i sensitive. somehow, i feel he's avoiding mi... dunno how true is tat.. it's mainly due to office hrs issues... cos he ask mi normally where i lunch. i told him my places, n ask himf or his. he din reply. n we are working veli near. n he never initiates meeting up. i did ask him out, but he has a gym session later. well, wat makes it so hard to fix a meeting? a lunch date? he cant control himself during office hr if he meet mi? or he wanna avoid suspicions?

a pretty sad day...

jus as i consoled my oz pal, tat being outta a reln is not too bad, but dun hurt urself further by being the nice guy, consoling him n teasing him to make him feel better, when u r having internal bleeding. it simply hurts 2 much. it hurts u, n makes him feel alright, but he may not know u r really hurt.

howver, jus tis morning, i thot of my relation with the mgmt guy. ever since the day i met him the first time, he told mi he is dating guy B. den from then till now, i been sending him morning greets. n when i asked him how he was wif guy B, we chatted over the ph, n i came out to him. he den understood mi m,ore. i know he's going to KL 2 wks later wif guy B. i know they can click, n progressing... alright. so from the bottom of my heart, i gave him (n guy B) my best wishes. n if they are realyl together, i hope they will stay truly happy together. tat's my thking then, and now too.

so, hwo does "move on" apply here? keep a lookout for bf? bf never comes tat way. it's fate. for some, it can come when u feel it. for mi, it's seldom easy, as i dun bother joining any gay outings. ie those outings organised by orgs. these days, reln have become more of a bonus to my life. not a necessity. i can look forward to havign it, but dun have to search or ask or beg for it. n by wishing them together, i dun feel hurt. perhaps oni a lil (which i dun really know) tat is not 2 obvious yet. i oni SEE 1 guy, who is a nice person, living life well with someone he enjoys time with.

wah liao.. are singaporeans really so follower??? at my mrt here, there usually no 1 reading paper before entering mrt gantry. den jus a few days after i started to read my papers there, liao!! got ppl standing around that area?!?!

the mrt today pertty ok.. interestig time was when there was a kinda cute guy waiting at my busstop. hahaha.. he was peeping at mi. den, when my bus came, i boarded first, den he came up too. but.. i went to upper decker lah. my first to see this guy siazz ;) maybe long time nvr see cute guy waiting bus wif mi hahah..

at work, hope i'm not getting sensitive, but it's jus a 1-time issue. ok, today is my 1 wk anni. den i usually lunch wif 3 guys. today, these 3 guy went for 1 hr tea break. when come back, the mgt ppl wanna go lunch. so i thot of going wif the 3 guys for lunch. then, 1 told mi, tat they took lunch liao. den i jokingly asked y they go din nvr ask mi.. he say, they ate more things during tea break mah.. hehe, i learnt not to take things too personally. but i did at least ask why they left mi out :) n hor, 'cos of this, i went to a canteen nearby, n wow... a good plate of chicken rice for $2!!! n 60c for either barley drink or tea.. cooll... i found another way to save money..

but hor, facing the monitor for 7-8 hr is damn straining for the eyes siazz.. n although it's tiring, i feel great knowing tat this proj will b the fruit of my labour.. i did my calc. this proj jus came in. n my prob is 3 mths. if the proj manage to take off properly, my capz is likely to b proven. n may have chance at higher pay LOL.. HR here.. is needed oso lah.. but this place, programmers.. seldom chat loud.. usually.. or soemtimes crowd around pc to gossip. no much chance to tok wif them, unless i purposely... try..

now, wat i worry is, they r givign mi incremental workload. this is my first prog job. so, they guide mi along carefully, telling mi the steps to start on proj. my worry is, if they nvr tell mi, i'd think my current progress (finishing each task they give mi in a day or 2) is good, or nice, but to them, it's slow...

ok.. after KO, i went to busstop. hahah.. a blurry blurry guy is waiting for the bus. it's the same guy who i saw on monday! den on teh train, i felt so bad of mi.. it crowded. as we rush into train, a avg size guy (but shorter than mi) was before mi. it's crowded. n packed. LOL.. den my position was almost like, i m able to hug him siazz.. but... i still put my arms str8, to block attacks on my pte, n 1 arm acroos my chest. but.. hor.. thinking n fantasizing, i kena erecting.. n i dun deny, i may have used it to molest him LOL..

now i gt my new job pay (they so on time siazz), n waiting for my old job pay, n m1 to credit mi back. last thing, is waiting for oz bks to b sold, den i can get back my money

siao.. last night, i watch guess show. slept at 130am, den feel dodgy when wake up for work at 730. sighzz.. i really dislike/hate taking the mrt.. like wat tat gal say, the ppl r jus rushing to board the train. n some ppl, simply bochap. they got space, purpsoely dun wan shift in. haha, esp today, a ger wanna exit, but she came out late, so was SQUEEZING her way thru, n i got out of train to let her exit, n den went in again.

ahhah.. shld i, let go of myself, n b a commoner, n go wif the crowd?? i was actually.. even thnking of... taking buses on way home, to avoid the mrt crowd. at work today, ehhe, i was kinda praised, although at my own std, it's jus wat i am capable of, not something unexpected. ie, i saw a db redundancy n suggested somethign. my snr praised mi for it. den hor, now i finally get a taste of accessing webmail liao.. at work, i was checking my mails.. at my office pc.. so tat when i get home, i dun need to check mails again.. convenience... :)

adam and sebastian

sebastian ill-treated

sebastian being warned...

sebastian moving..

closeup of sebastian..

sebastian sleeping.. hahah

closeup of renfred..

n yes, i'm still pretty into pierre png..

he VERY VERY THIN/LEAN... n haah, well, he's just selling his body ;)

he's cute.. taiwan gymnastic guy...

he's a guy... but very very feminine.. cute..

adam acting gay...

i've just blogged at my work blog :P

now, stil wondering hwo i shld link both them up... shld i copy them to this blog, or shld i jus put a link here? due to same old reasons, i dun wan my coleagues to know my life yet..

ok.. jus checked taht, my last blog was on thur night. so, on fri night, at work, i downloaded n install msn 7. quite nice. first time at work can use msn.. at least will save some sms loh. this ist eh day, which i find myself really enjoying my work. it's tiring, to stare into pc, n input data. i felt i'm really contributing my knowledge. really enjoy programming. n it's a new proj, so dun have any docs to read up on. n first day, i start to contribute liao.

now, i'm oni wondering how to make myself pass the probation... wat's funny is tat, this day, my mum din cook. sms the mgmt guy, he not free. so met my gal pal for dine. n, i'm excited tat, i took a bus from my work plc to my destinations! i wanna go town, so did research. n i found my way!!! COOL! i seem to know singapore a bit more :P

den, had dinner buffet wif her, n she cooked everythign for mi.. sweet hor? i ther eoni to gobble food =D den went for ktv... wow, had fun for the whole nite siazz!!

den sat morning.. was sianzz n tiring.. tryign very hard to study.. felt like giving up even. 1 module is abt proj mgmt, whcih i can grasp. 1 is MATHEMATICAL whcih i totally BLUR!!!! GOSH! had to force myself to read it.. but heck, i still muz get thru this sem. n hor, today, the class, a guy styled his hair. he looks nice. so i sat behind him, n tok him a while. unfortunately, he not chatty. ask him 2-3 qns, den he jus continue his own things...

n.. i'm beginning to go for web based emai liao... to save my disk space... but i'm still trying to see whcih option is better..

I know I've not been blogging for days.. not even at my java-kevin site... well, wat u think.. first day of work, i went for a party after work. it lasted longer than expected, n i got home (my place) at 12+. den 2nd day (today), i went for my class (BORING) n got home abt 12 oso. ya, spent abt 45 mins dining.

tis is my first work, tat dun need much job orientation, almost immediately can start work liao. been doing things since day 1. it's not torturous, but enjoyable. cos i finally see myself doing some programming related work. now still populating db. it's oni the beginning..

not forgetting to mention, when u fall for someone, u usually will wanna sacrifice a bit for him. such as, some things tat he say, if u think it really for he better, u usually will do it. but am i not realising it, or it's really not my case? most ofthe time, thsoe who.. showed interest in mi, they usuall more knowledgeable than mi. well, i do like tat, cos i am those bochap type, who enjoys listening more than doing research n finding out. so when i know them, they usually tell mi more things than i know of.

ok, y i sya these is 'cos, this guy.. who i been mentioning these days, he ask mi to drink plain water instead of soft after dinner, to make myself full. i understand the purpose. i know it's for long term benz. so i switch to it gradually.

then next, is taking bfast. i usually.. nvr take it 1, unless it's sunday, n i go family bfast. i've not taken bfast for years. den he, said tat, i shld go for it, as it's a staple meal of the day. yes i know tat, but it's not ez for mi to get bfast CHEAP n convenient. esp sincei need to leave home early to catch bus. n when i get to work, meals r EX.. costing near $1. i still have my own expenses to cover.

but since i started working here, i've been takign bfast. first day, so qiao, my sis bought croissant. i ate it for bfast on my first day. 2nd day, i know i got the time, so i went to buy a bun. n tat's my bfast. n since i can afford the time n effort, i thot of making it a point, to go family there, prepare my next day bfast, bring hme, morning go take paper n eat bffast. it sounds convenient.. n coincidence...

my last day of work at helpdesk... sigh.. if oni snr understand wat happening these days.. i realy worry for them.. cos.. no 1 gonna pick the phone..but tok abt happy things.. my last day, so i decided to give the team a treat. got 1 technician, he looks decent n proper. my height. but he certainly homo phobia, cos he shuns mi often. dun dare to b near mi. to give him a treat, b4 i leave, i decided to treat his side oso. n bought vege delite specially for him haha.. din put onions as he requested. my greatest consolation, he sms mi "ths for the great lunc" hahaha...

think i gonna update my java blog oso..