praises at work

"idling" at home.. blogging tis line

i'm happy that i left a gd record at my ex company. i've been tellign myself to keep my professionalism std there to at least finish wat i'm supposed to. tell myself, although i'm leaving i muz retain my prof'lism. he ask mi do documentation. i oso did to my best of knowledge.

end result, he complimented mi, telling the ops mgr, "over my 4 yrs in the company, tis is the best handover document i've seen. i think that explains all."

watching a ghost movie on tv

ytyda tv was showing a ghost movie wif the bg set in playground.. wif the ferris wheel. the story quite ok lah.. but somehow, i feel... do those ppl who dun think properly, get on the nerves of ppl who do careful n thorough thinking easily? n those ppl who dunno wat they doing, but insist on doing it?

anyway, in the show, the modern cam is used as a mean to defeat ghosts haha.. not a bad idea, since got many pix on internet tat capture many ghostly images. den i oso saved some pix lah.. n will b posting them soon, when i manage to get my psp9.

proj superstar

umm... i thinking of going for superstar audition again siazz.. am i 2 old?? m i dreaming?? i jus love to sing, have ppl hear my singing... but duno wat songs suit mi haha.. see how first..

i felt so stupid!

tis happen jus now..

suddenly someone added mi in msn. a guy. he say "u from msn? oops.. monash?" i say yes, n he say he grad in yr2k. we exchange lines... n exchange names n contact. he put a model pic in his msn, n wanna see mine. i say i dun put pic in msn.. n he ask mi send him. n he change his msn pic to his oso. quite nice looking. den i send 2 pix of mine, casual pic. den he say i officially his frn. den after he gone (he watching mov wif a frn 2 hrs later), i thot abt it, n found myself stupid

y did i send him my pic?? i thot he was str8 n no harm sending. but y did i?? i can jus put the pic in msn wat... gosh.. he mentioned abt monash, n i thot he got mi from monash webby. but now, monash cannot go in anymore, cos sem closed liao. n yet i still thot he.. was from monash.. damn...

anyway, he say he was surfing net n found mi... oh well.. not a mistrust, but i really curious where he got it.. be it fridae, sgboy or wat..

tmr is my first day at work

i've been gearing myself up for this big day.. the start of my new career.. sigh.. such excitement is getting into my head siazz.. as in, i scared tmr, i will jus wanna b frnly, act cute.. wat the hell.. i muz convince myself, tat i gonna show my professionalism, n show the enthusiasm, and prove tat i wanna stay in the company. i no longer can b tat "happy go lucky" but muz stick to my goal.. tat i wanna b successful, no matter wat it takes..

n they say i'll b handling existing n new proj.. is it true tat, it's gonna b a hard time taking over existing proj? cos.. i feel tat, by takign over existing proj, i will learn their existing coding style n practice.. isn't it so?

i mentioned b4 tat, every lil thing in life lets u learn. i was downloading a file (not convenient to mention details =D), den it was over 90% liao. i den d/c n do my own things (dun ask y, it's wat happened). den i conn back again. gosh, for 12 hrs, no progress??!?! i chk every 30 mins, no progress!! wah... den the next morning, haha, it's done...

lesson? b patient for soemthing to happen.. dun expect things to happen over night.

n for my work, i decided, tat i shld b responsible, know wat i doing n why, n be practical, b listening, receptive, b frank (if not NA) at all times, n (impt) b moderately confident of my skills!

tis 1 was contributed by a fan of my blog.. haha, am i obviously proud to say "fan of my blog"?

quite a bunch of thing to update.. haha.. n waited so long, cos i wanna implement the expanded/contracted view!!! and bingo! (or shld it b hooray?) i got it!!! now see how success it can get.. :)

collection of contact lens

wah liao... i sent my contact lens 2 wks back on tues (incl tis wk) for checkup, den optometrist told mi to go eye checkup oso, saying tat, lens chk may take 2-3 days, den eye checkup liao n collect lens is jus nice timing. ok.. i'm fine. damn it! 1 wk has passed, n no news?? i called them up, n they say the ger is on lve n she is personally attending to it, so they dunno progress. i called when she came back, n she ask mi if got news from eye doc, cos she waiting for my response. huh?? she say she oso told the lens side not to do any repairing till i get back to her. kauz! she din tell mi anything?? in end, i had to rush her siazz.. n told mi to chk wif her again at 2pm, 2 days later.. damn. if i cant get my lens ready, i sibei bo-bin liao..

med chkup 4 new job

den, my new job need mi do med chkup. i went for it on monday, but queue too long, i dun wan wait. den decided to go on sat. den i chk wif family, the wedding start from 8am till noon. den i thinking.. shld i go med first, or wed first?? wat's more need to take lens, n do hair.. wah.. packed day.

sudden change of timing on sat

wah liao.. in end, my sat timing had to change a lot.. my original plan:
1) wait for wedding
2) go med
3) go take lens at 2+
4) do hair at near 3
5) attend wedding

in end, dad come fetch us at 4pm. argh... in an instant, my timing had to change.. okloh.. mum told mi, bro fetch bride over here ard 10+. so if my med finish in 1 hr shld b ok. med there say avg 1 hr wait, 1 hr chkup. they open at 830am. so i went med at 830am. but gosh!!! 832am oredi got ppl inside sitting for their turns?? arghzz. i waited.. n finally my turn... haha.. the doc.. same name as mi.. n quite a nice looker though.. we even had a frnly chat. haha, certanly recommend him to any frn of mine!!

smooth process

phew... i went home, n everything was quite on time.. not late for wedding. but hor, those guys who came wif my bro back home, not yandao 1.. maybe ok n decent looking lah.. after the wedding.. den i know we need to leave for the dinner @ 4pm. kauzz.. my hair dressing timing again must change.. den i have to go eye ger there earlier. n luckily!!!! my lens is ready liao!! i actually intend to tell the ger, she din inform mi abt the repair issue, but nah... next time den i tell, i got no time to waste.

cute hairstylist

ya ya.. i still like him.. den the hair stylist, feel so much like hugging him, when he is facing mi, doing my hair. he is so my size. tis time, i din get to ask him out for gym.. think next mth i will.

n the cute thing is, when i went in to sit, he was walking past mi, n i waved my hand at him.. he came over, n.. became my stylist for tat day haha.. den as he coloring my hair, his body was so close to mi.. n somehow, either his pouch or his zip (hahha) was pressing onto mi but i.. din check out lol.. den whenever he tok to mi or near mi, i'll peep at his body size, tone n everything.. gosh.. felt like eating him hahah.. den as he was doing my hair.. tat felt HEAVENLY...

i told him, i going for wedding later, den he oso prepare to style up my hair siazz.. n hehe, the main stylist, an auntie, dunno if she on purpose, she let the guy solely take charge of my hair hahah... n say "mus do very good har".. although it's not a very colorful (hair) result, cos it's not so startling n refresh style, i like it. yes, cos it's him. n i actually find it kinda.. msian styel lol.. no offence lah.

den hor!! cos the cover sheet for hair trimming taken away liao, n he use the blower to clear my hair, those tiny strands of hair fell onto mi.. den i try to remove them.. n he try to use the blower to sweep it off.. but haha.. hair fell onto my zip area.. the area a boxer brief covers up.. n he so paiseh when he blow it there hahaha.. CUTE! ya, i know y he paiseh lah.. fancy using blower to blow tat area hahha...

wearing tie

haha.. den after hair do liao, i went to tidy up. wah liao, i really getting more inclined as an exhibitionist siazz.. cos i wanan take off my top n clear up the hairy mess.. but i decided to go into cubicle to do it.. hengzz! nhor, after wearing my tie (i'm proud! i still rmb how to do a tie even after 10 yrs of not doing!!), i felt so damn formal... n loitered around till family came.. n as expected, my mum dilly dally till the timing mess up.. sigh.. cant blame her.. i guess she always sore, whenever my dad is rushing for time, n she maybe not totally prep to marry her son off.

waiting in hotel room

we got to the hotel, n while waiting in hotel rm for dinner to start, a ger tok to mi.. i was so stunned.. cos i dunno how to react!! cos her topics quite daring (we were toking abt how nice the sauna is n she mentioned things abt "strippin" n "getting into pool") but, i am biased against my bro.. n although i;'m open abt myself, i cant b 2 relaxed wif them, cos they still knw my bro.. as in, i am open enuff usually to make n knw ppl.. but these ppl know my bro, n i am biased against him. i dun really wan anythign to do wif him..

n wat;s more startling is, when i reach the dinner hall, i forgot something n wanna go back to room. den this ger came over, gave a blur n innocent expression, n ask wherei goin.. arghzzz... if a guy... i guess i'll give him a hug siazzz...

den while waiting for my sis, my aunt oso spoke to mi. i knw where she's coming from, but few days later, i decided i'll challenge her words.

cos she's saying, i shldn't bring home guys overnight, cos i muz oso think of my sis. wat if they do soemthing to her?

i understand she's trying to make the pt tat, my mum feel strange i bring guys home. so aunt give alternative view, using my sis as excuse. but till now, i oni bring guys home for a while. overngiht is oni 1 time. n she (or they) focus on tis 1 time.

bring guys home i personally feel i can use "work" as excuse.

overnight, if they forbid, i'll wan to know y.. frns stay inside my rom. r they not trusting my frns? do they think my frns will tease my sis? my sis dun even knwo them n we r staying inside room. yes, i'm aggressive tis time. perhaps 'cos i really wan my freedom..

at the dinner

at the dinner, haha, i guess its my first time to b so outgoing in front of these (long distance) relatives. i learnt how to play a host hahha.. by moving around n toking to them, greeting them. it's kinda fake to mi, but well it's called "socialising". n i;ve evolved to.. someone who dun need to care much abt personal feels n emotions.. it is a time to b gracious n b kinda outgoing... n so fun to tok n chat around my table siazz.. n felt so nice when my sis (she always had the optimal view n opinion) ask mi how shdl she pose hahha.. cos i got imaginative n creative minds when it comes to posing hehe..

n now, at my age, i can see things from other angles.. such as, ppl who live alone, they will wan to have someone listen to them, toking abt the daily happenings.. in short, bitchin. n my uncle, oso tok more to mi..

n had a great time wif foto shots. my dad.. oso stun teo, when i put my arm over his shoulder during foto shot. wel,l cos i nvr did tat b4 haha..

photo taking time..

when i got home, i even.. took a series of shots of myself.. umm, when ppl get radiant, do they feel more confident of themselves in every way? be it verbal, image, behaviour? cos i really like my pix siazz!!! n having the courage to look at myself int he mirror n pix.. n may even turn myself on siazz..

n now, i find myself not tat "eee, i dun like dat person" n shun person anymore. but as courtesy (unless something real bad happen), i'll still say hi n chat a bit. will try not to, jus 'cos i not familiar with them, shun them.

sunday happenings..

on sunday, i supposed to have a foto shot session wif soemone, mi the photographer. but last min, change timing. den my left eye twitched.. oh well.

turns out tat, a frn i meeting for a concert was late. late by 30 mins. i thot abt it: well, wat's teh pt in losing my anger at him? he's late. he's oredi flustered. n if i get angry somemore, wat's teh use/pt? n later, i realised, he usually dun come city area on wkends, so the traffic conditions on sunday, maybe he dunno.

den during concert, had a fun chat wif him haha.. he quite on the screw loose side. after concert, in toilet, got a guy look at mi into mirror but wat can i do? i jus shied away.. i mean i look down.. den later, look up again, he still looking.. haha..

n here, i re-met some of my old acquaintances.. got 1, i saw on mrt b4 1, he.. jus socially say "hi n keep in touch" (not so short conversations lah), but i wonder if he even rmb my name n anything at all. yes i forgot his myself. but.. if he oso dun rmb, n jus say tat social phrase, its jus so bo-sim..

umm.. haha anyway, i was dressed in basketball singlet.. making sure my arms r shown till armpit, but the opening there is small ahaha...

n i finally have my room!!!

i am totally excited!!! in my family house, having my own room, arrangin my own things here/there. no 1 can interfere... shuangz. n i oso plan to re-arrange the furniture inside. haha.. reasons:
1) tis is my room liao, i wanna have a diff feel n look
2) adjust fan position, so tat it wun block any enjoyer
and top reason!
3) now the pc is .. when the door open, the pc rite at the door. den when use pc, my back is facing the bed and the bed can see watever is appearing on the screen 1 loh.. so i'll shift the things so tat.. the bed will be e first thing ppl see when enter room, den pc will b next to window.. haha.. den the monitor will blocked from view from bed!! yeah!

n now, in process of re-arranging my vid collection (yes a lot.. when i preview them to re-cap, i still get high :P).. den will share wif my frns..

work stuff...

at work, my sup ask mi do documentation. ok i accept it, cos it's needed for the person taking over to fully understand the structure n flow of the program. den sup say he give mi 1 wk to complete, cos "i have asked ppl to do such docu b4, so i understand the time length needed". hahaha... from tis line, it tells mi a lot abt the turn over rate liao!!

tis company abt 5 yo nia. if turnover rate not high, y oni got 2 ppl working here for > 3 yrs? i really pity them.. everytime mus get new staff n train up.. n have i mentioned tis b4? tat 3 yrs back, the econ not gd. tat time, employers select their staff. so, when the 2 ppl started, it was probably no choice, n get any job tat comes. den now, 2 yrs down the road, it hard for them to jump ship lioa. cos the longer u stay in company, the harder for u to leave, as the exp is gained n u got recognition from the company. unless the plc really sucks...

mum showed mi a digital watch.. haha, i grabbed it from her n wearing it. my old watch is losing battery and jus now, got a new watch. no need to buy battery or new watch. n tis watch, by std (or default, in pc terms), got a "ti-ti" sound every hr. wah, hearing it really tells mi how fast time flies..

having a strong sense of how work process shdl b carried out, n havign a power mind of building a proper career path, n wnana make it a good path, i am focussing on having a career, instead of jus a job which lemme earn $$. perhaps if i jus treat it as work, i wun b so moody working here, cos all the procedures n mis information, i'll jus bochap n forget abt it. but nah.. i wna a proper career...

n tyday, i was honest abt my payslip. i felt bad abt myself, by being so frank, as i got $300 less. but when i discussed wif my sis, she said it's GD. n somehow, it was a blessing in disguise... to think my rite eye twitched.. haha

cos, when i saw the big pay, i wonder if i shdl tell them. as, i dun think they will b chking accts. n if they find out, they can stil ltake back money. but somehow, i kay poh, tell them. i den regretted it, n was so moody siazz.. even had a 15-30 min break to cool n get over it. den later, the ops mgr came in n reminded the hr ger tat i took 5 days lve. but she was so ahppy siazz.. i overheard her mentioning it uprite "i reminded her abt the unpaid leave" 2 times siaz!!

at tis pt, i think i may have made the rite move, cos, by informing, i showed my integrity. blessing in disguise hor?

den next morning, the ops "manager" ("" cos it's jus the title, he is blur n unprepared at times.. suitable for a small size company, where there is no std to take up certain posts..) told mi to help do some work.. at tat instance, i know i had nothing to do, but i dun wan to b made use of. so i told him i got things to clear up still. it's the day/time for mi to protect myself against "abuse".. lol

umm, now trying to get used to web-based emails.. i'm kinda used to checking emails on web now.. but trying to fit in some preferences into the web-based thing oso.. including replying comments tat i read on the webmail, instead of downloading to my computer n read den reply.

hard in getting new blood

my company had a meeting. they were discussing abt new blood. they had shortlisted 2 ppl to join, who r fresh grads. but these 2 feel tat the pay is 2 low, n they have to find other ppl, or give higher salary. oh well, wat cna i expect, n wat do u expect?? even i managed to find a job tt give mi HIGHER pay, n the pay right now really not gd enuff for a certified guy.. yes, cert is nothing much, but it at least proves i'm of a certain calibre. now they facing problem getting ppl inside... here.. can i say i'm glad i managed to leave here?? but yah, i still grateful tat i managed to re-cap my knowledge here, n learn abt prioritising, teamwork, n communications.

(gosh, i mus implement my new script fast!)
is it really fate, n twist of gd luck? these days, i've been able to see things from a neutral POV, so tat it'll no longer b "my view is RITE, dun override it", but "does he have a point too?", n try to make it into win-win ending, n be considerate.

a frn intro a frn, NTN, to mi. this NTN, he's kinda isolated n often a loner, as he perhaps lack the proper skills to socialise. my 2 pals have brought mi outta my shell, n gave mi diff peeks n diff view n attitude to life. somehow, i felt tat it;'s time to mi to help others too... give ppl neutral opinions, letting them choose n telling them the possible outcomes..

n my new job starting in jul, n my bro marrying tmr n moving out oso. i've moved back, n my new 250GB HDD is working alright, duno abt my 40GB yet. den my sis, she saw my working clothes all LKK n mouldy liao (i been wearing them since 2004), so she went g2k buy 3 pcs for mi. she say "img is impt 4 work". yes i agree. i wonder if this means, it's really gonna b a whole new beginning for mi.. a whole new chapter... new clothes, bigger pay, moving back home, no more living under others' roof, n dun need to pay rent, a clearer mindset, n a planning mind... sounds nice huh? shall see..

i've been keeping these 2 smses to rmb wat the landlord said abt mi..

1) if hv to decide to cancelled all the svc to all of u. give u half mth stay gud enough 4u. ur pub is $30/mth for 2 yrs already $720. not to mention tv license cost me $240. u know this house rent is 1k per mth. i lost $ rent to u. if jess never pay by 14, i lock this house nobody canenter this house.And i wan clean this hse no more mess such as cable etc. i never own u. u urself should pay me instead.

2) i mena u must clear ur thing by 14th and jess too must pay me by 14th if not i will not allow anyone enter this house. this month i allow u to stay til 14th jus for friendship only.

sianzz.. room rented till such a state/stage.. i been paying my rent on time. n jus b4 i moved out, they give mi such troubles. i gave them 1 mth notice, den they bother mi abt paying utilities bills, n messing the hse wif wires. they oni raised these up when i wnana move out.. KAUZZ.. n gave mi 2 wks oni, for frnship?? huh?! sighzz...

not been blogging for a hell long time.. so STRESS by the exams!! i forgot the feel of stress.. now, felt like i was experiencing a never-felt b4 level of stress.. stress by the pressure not to fail anymore..

n as i was preparing for my exam, some thots pass by my mind.. i was having some erotic thot.. "any1 onzz to play strip poker??" hhaha.. n i was going for my lunch.. n saw a sec sch looking boy walking along wif his gf. i immediately thot of a scene: a few bengs (yes bengs again!! or rascals?) are sitting on the fence grills. they see the boy passing by wif his gf. they den went to tease the ger (dun ask mi y.. jus my story for now). the boy of cos will protect her, drag her away n blocking the guys from her. den the bengs dun like it n went up to push the boy n fire verbal abuses at him n pushing him around. the ger try to interfere, but the guys push her away.. maybe even falling onto ground. the boy maybe apologise or wat.. but the guys force him to a corner... lol...

got many scenarios to branch off from here liao!!
1) slap him, beat him up lightly
2) strip him of his top (be it taking off his shirt or ripping it off)
3) from any of the abv scenes, drag him to an enclosed area... (bochap his gf liao)

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anyway, jus took my last exam for tis sem. finally, my stress is over for this semester... FELT a desperate call from my mind/body to relax, n recharge... i really gave my all to it.. lemme gues my future.. in the past, i jus take it as "study for exam n shld b passable". now i really studying hard.. once tis exam is over, i will start my new job.. got 3 wks b4 my next sem start.. after i settle down liao, i cna focus back ot my studies, n next sem, 1 mod is using java, which i EXPERT. have a lot of things in my mind, to do in the very near future..

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n by a stroke of BAD LUCK, after i bought a 250GB maxtor HDD (umm oh well, the shop guy.. is he the beng guy who i had taken a liking to soem time ago?), i realised tat my current 40GB HDD was having serious probs.. canot b detected by mombod, bootup cannot find OS, OS CD cannot help cos OS CD is SP2, but my OS is now SP4. den during defrag, will get some blue screen error. sianzz... but i wonder if it's a test of my prioritising skills.. cos my PC is my dearie, n i cant bear to see it "sick", but exma is nearing.. have to decide which issue to solve first.. n oso, i need to get it working at basic level, so tat i can revise my asgts..

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i wonder if my body is really tat intelligent. all along, i've been eating the usual stuff at the bro stall there. braised/soy sauce "dried beancurd skin", sliced potato, egg-flavoured tofu. meat will b pork/chiken. den these days, somehow ,i felt tat the stuff i been eating there r quite salty.. den i wonder how did i manage to actually remain their customer for so long.. but i start to think, if my body sending a signal tat, i;'ve too much salt?? tat y my taste bud change? or it's time for a change of taste naturally? i usually dun take spicy food cos it's burns my body. den during exam prep, i actually drank hot/cold milo 4-5 nights in a row! n jus now, i crave for laksa.. however, the cuisine by mum is still so tasty n delectable =D

den surprisingly, ytnite when i revising, i felt some breathing near mi, in front of Tv... there nothing at all. but i can hear its breathing.. or panting. i moved around, investigating the source.. n b4 long, the breathing is lost... hmmzz. n i muz say i lucky siazz.. for teh exam, got some theories.. when i revise, i actually took the trouble to flip notes to verify i memo correctly! n even on way to exam,

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have i mentioned abt a prudential guy? who approached mi during roadshow? ehhe, his face is not tat appealing n he got a lump on his left cheek. but somehow, i find him cute haha.. n he asked mi to meet him up for non-obligated session hahah.. well, if he turns out alright, i may transfer my pru policy to him lah.. see how first..

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toking abt my plan for future, if everything goes smoothly,
i'll b having a perm post in an MNC, taking home a biggest pay chk ever for mi..
den, i oso applied for debit card,
opening myself up for more frn-making chances (open for str8 n GLBT frns, wif no linking to having sex),
den learn to cook (for my mum),
learn new self-improvement skills (anything from langs, to etc :P),
go holiday,
ensure my mum has a good retirement period,
working out in gym (to improve my body n tone up.. any encounter inside it is of cos bonus), n tinking of getting the cute guy in hair salon to go wif mi,
improving my blog site (working on it), hopefully can see fruits within days..

(reading email n saw tis frnster profile: http://www.friendster.com/viewphotos.php?uid=22421869 this is a type i wun ever get involved wif.. altho he for sure beng, n veli attitude..)

oh well, tis pic sure can cause lotsa nose bleeds 1... hot, muscular, sexy, tempting, cute, frnly, relaxing.. wow.. he's the SEX GOD.. now i wonder where does my julian hee stand..

here, our dearest adam is playing an trad chn music instrument.. but FUNNY!! his back is facing the audience n the main cam. wat r te ppl thinking>??@

this cute boy from the superband (xia ri feng) quite nice lokoing, n expressive in his dance hahah.. but nah.. they depend to much on his dance tactics alone liao..

ok.. now i'm blabbering nonsense.. my sup jus gave mi some tasks to do, which i'm really glad n happy to take up. if not, i'll be jus idling n surfing proper net (hahah.. got a pun). but.. it's my first time to leave a programming job. so when he ask mi write out a proper doc to describe the linkings between the modules, i know waht's required of mi.. den as he was explaining to mi abt wat's required, he saying from the pov tat i dunno wat's expected of mi, i dunno wat going on, i duno why he asking do these. i asked to lemme say out wat i understood is required of mi..

den later, we were toking abt table linking (schema) diagrams. UML came to my mind, n i said it out. he said, "no, it diff. UML is for class design, schema is for database. if u find that in any database bk, they mention UML, u can bring it to mi". wah lioa, i was oni saying it out. if it's not the correct term, so be it. correct mi. i was not trying to shwo "hey, u've used the wrong term". n, later i oso got tell him "UML is jus my way to refer to it lah"

den, a scenario came up, whcih proved to mi again, programmers keep their thoughts in their minds, n seldom bother to say it out, expecting people to udnerstand their thoughts and the picture in their brain haha..

sup ask mi to look at wall pin-ups. den he jus keep saying "u look at the box there" but for god sake, so many "boxes" on the pinups loh..

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a side thot: i jus came back from toilet. got a 70+ (or younger) cleaner lady supervising a young male bangladesh washing toilet. i was thknking, does the guy feel disgraced to b ordered around by such old lady? i dun think any1 will believe, the auntie work gained 10 yrs or 5 yrs exp to climb up ot tat position. will there b a scene tat, a bangla is supervising a local (nvm age)? n wat r the thots n feelings of our locals, going overseas, n end up being bossed around by their aged locals?

usually ppl who r more experienced (or snr) than u, have their own pride to take care of. they usually use their "exp" to overwhelm u. they may simply prefer their usual/own ways of doing things, rather than listening to a not-tat-exp guy explaining his stand...

i signed the letter ytday.. from the looks of it, i'm really stepping into corporate world, where there's bound to be politics, backstabbing, group prefs (as in ur grp of allies will help u out if u need, den if another group of allies need help, may not offer so readily...) tis plc really offers much better terms than my current 1.. everything.. they oso pay according to ur abilities.. whcih i like.. :)

i mentioned corporate world, cos even the HR manager who attended to mi, spoke such fluent, proper, n toned english tat, i felt wat i was heading myself for: a very professional working environment, where it's gonnna b very biz-oriented. i'm now focussed on setting/getting/making/reaching my career path. so im alright.

thinking of focussing, in past, when i read abt ppl deciding to focus on their work, i was jus thinking, oh well.. focus on work. nothing much else.
but now, when i'm the one deciding to go for it, i.. m.. able to empathise wif ppl of such predicament. i'm giving up on LTR, which there is no guarantee of success, and depends on lotsa things... career usually comes first, which means LTR will b in 2nd rank. oh well, just take it tat, LTR is usually hurting...

oh.. ya, i had a good luff today, listening to the podcast by mr brown. haha. rmb the news abt a doctor caught with drugs??

just watched "Let's Shoot 2". from tis point on, i know that 1 of the celebrity guest, the counsellor, is actually a stick in the mud, for his "tis shld not be the way it is, as it had never been this way" mindset. the other guy, cai shen jiang, is having a more open-minded thinking. I respect him for that.

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nic: hehe,, you're welcome :)

tmr, is the day i'm signing the paper.. den i gonna tender liao.. strange, tis company i went interview first wif a guy. den he totally not keeen. days later, another person caleld mi at night for interview. n i got the job after 1 wk. i need to bring latest payslip (i dunno y oso), n 2 color photo. color photo.. umm, i rmb seeing 2 photo when i cleaning my room.. waahhaah.. so qiao, i got oni 2 pix inside!!! no need rush to take n develop!! whahaha..

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at work, i've experienced the last straw possible at work. tues rite? on monday, i asked my sup for any updates. he say there are many things, n will update mi later. so i waited. tues, he told mi... some lightning news:
the discussion that he had held are about a component that he is doing. so he will be doing tat component as usual.
den for my part, it's not part of wat the client is requesting, so there is no update for my program.

i was stunned!!! he been asking mi to do components whcih are not required in the proj???!!! are they testing my coding??!?!?! come on, i'm SCJP!! i'm certified!!
den later, he ask mi add some more things into the program. from tat instance, i lost the motivation... gosh..

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at home, i've not unpacked my things yet, but managed to hook up internet wif some stand-by connection. wat pissed mi off is my landlord's attitude. u know, i moved my things on monday nite. den on tues evening, after work, i went back there to see if i forgot anything. den, the lock has been changed!!!! huh?? i din tell the landlord, n the landlord oso nvr ask mi anythign. yet he jus changed the lock?? if he really went into my rm, he'd have saw my mattress still inside! i sms him to tell mi when he at home. if he nvr sms mi back, i'll blast him a msg on fri. even if he did reply, i'll forego my mattress n blast him stil. wah kau! is he so afraid???

den sunday was all about packing, n getting frns to help mi move my stuff. really jialutzz.. tis time, no tv, no net. cant even focus on my exams prep. DAMN! oh wel, but i shall nvr say "y is tis happening to mi??".. i can oni treat it as a life exp n get on wif it, n learn to live wif it. n tis time, really super.. move all my things in 1day.

on monday morning, it was not an enjoyable 1. the sup came into office, but din tell mi much abt the proj progress. oh well, i think he can sense mi job hunting, so din tell mi much.

den later, i actually got a call! from the agency!! she say i'm offered a post as system analyst!!!!! it was the 1 whcih call mi at night, for phone interview!! such a surprise!!! uknow, the ph thing was 1 wk ago tues. den no news. 1 wk later, monday, i'm offered?!?! n tis post, i;m offered a salary i nvr had b4, n it's the max of my expectation!! probation 3 mth, den pay review is 1 yr (cos my studies end in 1 yr). as an SA, i know i can learn mucho things. but i seriously duno am i skipping paths.. like now i still having deg cos, n from SCJP jump to SA. am i moving 2 fast? ya i know, it;'s up to mi to brush up my skills n prep for it. i even planned to read up on SDLC, system analysis, n oso some JSP/servlets bk to prep myself.. all done to ensure tat i am prepared.. but umm, b4 i got into tis current job, i oso went to read up n refresh my memory for java. but it was not used haha. i;m signing the letter tmr (wed)

ok, den later on, another agent (for the post tat i can click wif the lady tat 1) oso called mi, saying the client got lotsa qns to ask. she wanna knw my expected. i say a fixed amt (tis time not neg liao haha). den no news yet. perhasp they find mi 2 ex? for the skipping path tat 1, for now, i can oni suggest, it cld b a mater of exp, a matter of mindset, a matter of working/handling style, or a combo. cos if u programmer, u cld b focussing on gettign things to work, den over time, u learn things n develop better work styles. den for mi, after being guided by 2 pals for yrs, have grown some mindsets of my own, n independent thinking. am i consoling myself?

tis time round, my mind is pretty set on developing my career path. i will not wan to b distracted by trivial stuff lioa. prioritise my goals n go for it. LTR, i give up. sex, find in irc or fridae or yahoo group. frns, get to knwo ppl slowly.. settle my life n plan for my future. whci includes, learning cooking from mum, integrating the culinery skills learnt from da chang jin into the cooking, making delicious meals, getting frns over for meals every now n den. den going for holidays, n treating myself to goodies.. oh, ya i oso need to sell off some useless stuff

1 thing whcih left mi bewildered is, my gal pal. when we first knew each other, she had always guided mi along, teaching mi the proper way of livign, n reasoning n logical thinking. she has always been teh 1 teaching mi things, n mi learning. but these days, we both are hunting jobs. den when we exchanging our ideas n standpts, she suddenly grew defensive of her stand, n when i continued elaborating on mine, she du lan.

all i felt was, we were oni exchanging views, n not forcing either party to accept. more of telling each other how we found our stand. but she felt otherwise... we were toking abt starting pay... i felt she's not getting her worth, but she maintaned her stand tat, it's oni the starting, n she is confident of obtaining higher once she's proven her worth. i do agree, but starting pay shld still reflect how gd u r at wat u r doing. it's not a mere act of "getting u into the job". its like they knw n appreciate wat they getting n paying the relevant amt for the talent. wat's more she's overseas grad. n.. not as though she despo for job.

ok, back to my moving back. it's a pretty cool exp. thx to 2 frns who took their time and rushed to help mi.. really last min thing. we waiting for my dad car, n haha, they read my "men's mag". den got some sec bengs walking past n saw it ahah. i like their facial responses!!!!

once i'm home, i began to feel wat my gal pal experienced: havign to adjust to "living wif family" lifestyle. unpacking my things, felt like i jus back from overseas living, yes, overseas living. cos these yrs proved to b beneficial to my self development. n wif loads of bagssss, i lok like i bought many things haha.. i oso rmb the time when, in morning, we jus scramble to wash up. but now, i try to find a pattern of living of my family, n kinda adjust to it, to prevent time/utility-usage clashing. but argh.. cant walk around half naked anymore.. kinda used to being topless to release any torso heat. den now, have to b properly clothed..

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summary: i'm preparing/prepared to meet life's challenges, dun blame on life's injustices, find a workaround instead of lamenting wat shdl not b rite, achieve my goals, n give (my) life a better meaning. i actuallu.. oso intend to volunteer at those boys homes siazz.. lol.. n probably help out at some charity orgs oso.. n as i mentioned, sing at some pubs?

now is monday 4.49pm. over the wk, i cannot blog at all. read on if u wan know y. anyway, i wonder if i can finsih blogging by my KO time..

for a good long time, i nvr watched a movie tat i like liao. den, afer my exams, i die die wanna watch a GOOD movie. hha, went to catch Da Vinci code. oh, btw, i'm not into books, so even if some movies r adapted from books, i nvr check them out. i jus watch. den hor, all i know is, tis movie is very christian based. haha.. thru out the show, all i know is tat, something has happened n tom hanks is trying to fix it. i dun really follow the history/bg of the story. mi veli good hor?

but i realise 1 thing from this show: The beauty of Chinese language. In the show, all the christian stuff have all-so-special names, sarcopharagus, etc. i totally cannt catch wat each of them is. luckily, there's the chinese subtitle!!! i am truly fascinated tis time, cos the characters used to define the items were chosen correctly.

In Chinese, each character carries a certain meaning. And if you put a few characters together, it sums up to a different meaning, but it evolves from the characters you used. In the movie, the carco thing was a holy cup. I understood it from the chinese terms used:圣杯bla bla. den i knew wat exactly r the roles referring to.
In English, words are formed up using letters. Each letter does not have a specific meaning. If the words formed are adjectives, or verbs, it may be understood by finding its root word. But when it comes to nouns, GOSH, hwo to grasp it??? i'm thinking of penning a letter to ST/TODAY to tok abt tis.. hehe,,

den on a sat, i was prepared to go swimming to tan myself (cos later on, meeting the mgmt guy for the last time b4 he go overseas attachmt). den,, hahah.. at the pool, i was sitting at the sheltered spectators seat reading my papers, den saw 3 guys toking. 1 guy lying on the pavement for tanning, other 2 in water beside him toking.. wah, look so... u know.. den oso got 1 BOY (abt late sec or early jc age) standing in the water, not moving at all. my first guesses were tat, he dunno wat to do.. wanna swim, dun wan, wanna tan dun dare. den as i observed, he could b a boy trying his first time to cruise in pool.. oh well, i not into such stuff.. but then, when he was just lying there, letting the sun bake him, i felt like telling him to get some sun tan/block lotion first..oh well, but tat nvr happened..

n the funny side abt him is, he was in water right? den he jus made himself prostrate on the pavement, while his legs still in water. wahha.. tat was the funny part siaazz!!

howEver, on tat day, the fateful nn, i really got pissed by the landlord. on 28 may, i emailed LL to say i moving by jun end. he replied "ok, keep intouch". few days later, he sent mi another email, demanding mi to move out in 2 wks time, saying tat i din pay utilities bills for my period of tenancy, n oso tat in our email correspopndence, he stated tat PUB is shared. damn it! how cna he change attitude suddenly?? the email is a mere discussion! how can it b taken as a mutual agreement?? there was no contract signed, oni verbal agreement, which is bound for changes anytime. he say i din pay internet, but did he state it out tat i need to pay? n by saying tat the other tenant din pay is none my biz. other tenant din pay, he can get him to scram. i am a paying tenant. he even say, its for frnship tat he let mi stay for 2 more wks! wat, wat rationale is tis?? gosh!

n he even took the internet n tv away, saying he dun see y he shld share internet n tv wif us, saying tv license cost him, n his house rental is killing him oso. i really duno y the sudden change in attitude. he keeps re-iterating tat the other tenant din pay rent, but still let him stay. dunno wat's going on. anyway, i'm about to move back home, so i shant bother.

but luckily, b4 the internet was removed, I ACTUALLY GOT A FAN OF MY BLOG MSN'ING MI!! it's so interesting, so fun(ny), so nice, sweet, so honoured hahah... jus felt so extraordinary!! umm, i did ask wat made him so keen on my blog. if it was in the past, perhaps, i'll b pressured to carry on writing wat they wanna see.. but haha, now i am/have more of a fixed attitude, n view n personality. so i shall just blog as per se (new term? hehe) dun wanna make tis 2 long.. will blog again.

oh.. a lot of things to say abt tis pic.. but summary: good picture!

another hunky actor in taiwan. he's got a gd fig. but when i tuned to tis channel, he's oredi in thsi posture.. nontheless, i took the shot...

wow.. this is HOT!! u see.. got a hk movie, a very stupid movie.. abt ghosts coming back for revenge. i thot there wil b no nude scenes. but ahah. somehow, the producers manage to add in. they put the guys inside sauna. in sauna, their vital parts all covered up. den the door got stuck, so they barged it down. when the door gave way, 2 of them fell onto the ground in this posture. n i immediately took the shots. hahah!!! =D umm, reminds mi of my gym sauna exp..

umm.. another misc pix. left is a cute guy who appeared on "wan quan yu le". den, rite, is a TR who.. is in a paiseh mood. haha i like the way he's messing wif his hair...

misc pix. top left, vaness wu in "young a-hu". he look better from such an angle.. top rite, a hk hunk, who dun have much viewer-love. btm rite, a cute guy appearing on an old hk movie. btm left. a CUTE guy!! who appeared on the lesbo show of Guess3.

julian HEE... a hunk!!! jus cant get enuff of him!!! WOW

he's james tay from singapore idol 2. i thot i saw him somewhere.. he'

my dear edmund... still so well bodied at hsi age... he's over 30, mind u... still so much in gd shape n radiant!!

he's cute.. n i'mm... funny.. he looks sexy in tis revealing attire.. hahah... but how come guys so not shy of looking so sexy?? n gers.. usualyl will?

ahhaha... bondage pix!! on TV!! left pic is "queen of the damned", the guy was tied up to prevent him from moving. "despo hsewife" is on rite.. the guy thot he's in for hot sex.. but nah.. it's a trick hahah.. i love the posture!!

long time no put his pic siazz!!! get ready for some hot n sizzling pix!!!

(blabbering my thots away, cos i at home)
studying for my maths exam... den saw a tv promo for "america's next top (female) model". they r in swimsuit (bikinis lah) posing in those snowy env. the photographers say "tat's great/gd/watever". den the voiceover added "want to see these hot girls ..." whcih i din bother to rmb.. den my mind flowed a thought: Are they hot? oh well, they're cold. LOL

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can i say, as fate wld have it? after my day was wasted for the interviews, at 8+ (i was watching channel U!! for adam!!) when a company called mi. 8pm+ siazz. it was ppl from a comp which ihad interviews at b4. tis time, a diff proj mgr. she wanna conduct phone interview.. wif mi. i hesitated, cos i totally unprep. but agreed to it still. no harm mah.

we discussed for a long while.. abt 30 mins. she ask lotsa qns, n i ans to best of my knwoledge. but tis job will b damn stress siazz... cos is focussing on fixing probs. i am surprised they still contact mi. but i heard from them, if i accepted, will need to still go thru many more interviews..

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den finally.. n sadly, n unfortunately, i back at work. sianz, at the start of work, i oredi din enjoy liao. my ideas dun clickwif my sup. n my ideas r wat he is thinking, but he din get it. we spent15 mins discussing it. n now, i'm tasked to dotesting... n thoroughly.. he say next wk will develop new tables.. i wonder if i'm being frozen by him... or he's preparing for the possibility tat i'm leaving.. haah.. wel, i keep getting calls!! wat to expect him to response??

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been a long time.. abt 2 wks liao.. no good news.. n i dun wan to spend time finding excuses n sending resume again.. i think i will accept the fate tat i'm stuck here, gain exp, n for pay wise, maybe negotiate wif them loh..

can i say today is a strange day?

it def'ly is. i woke at 6.50am. i observed tat the toilet will b used at tis hr, so i decided to b nice n dun use it til 705. but, no 1 use??
den i went to take my bfast. usually, bfast i def'ly no prob finishing. today, i left 1/4 mee there. cos i felt bloated.
den i went to take the free tabloid. i smiled at the ger who passed the paper to mi. i usually chat a bit wif her when the papers r given out liao. so smiling is not a big deal, or surprise. but when i smiled, she kinda 2 busy n carried on passing the paper to others..
1 consolation is tat, on teh train, got 1 good looking beng sat opposite mi.
den i actually arrived 45 mins earlier than my appt.
i was interviewed by a ger. i treated her as another interviewer. but was.. caught by surprise tat, she will b who i working wif hand-in-hand if i get the job. we had a good chat.. be it work, or studies. tis interview wif her lasted 1.5 hrs.
den i went up for prac test. somehow i know i'll kena prac test. n.. i had my work sample stored in my usb, BUT to save space, i deleted it. GOSH!! wat's tat??? so now, i have to depend on my real skills. its similar to wat i been doing in my current job. so i explained to her loh. everythign seem so smooth siazz.
jus den, the team lead came in. the ger told mit he work there 15 yrs liao. he n mi (wif the ger there) discussed y i leaving current job, n how i can possibly improve my current. i know he's got good intentions. so i said my point, n thx for his time. den i left. along the way, ger still treat mi well, chat wif mi. in all, i left the place 3.5 hrs later.
den i got a msg from my sis that she can lend mi calc for exam. wah liao, so late den say. i abt to go mi my frn, get my printout n calc from frn siazz.. i den thinking, shld i oso ask sis to print for mi, or still get from frn siazz.. i decided to get from frn, cos my sis usually is biz n work oriented. such personal printing, duno she ok anot. n oso, i jus recv msg tat, no 1 going for disucssion, cos 2 busy studying.
but u know, the printout is not exactly good, n the calc.. is not a model i'm used to.
den, i know how to get home, but walked the long way. even on the long way, i suddenly thto i can take another bus, which stop at my house directly.. end up i wasted half day travelling..

duno.. see wat fate has in store for mi..

every little thing does contribute to individual development

i've failed 1 mod b4 for my monash. now, facing 2 exams again. 1 is theory. 1 is calc. for theory, i myself feel it's good, cos i get to delve into my understanding of the subject and elaborate watever in my mind. for calc, it's basically memorising formulas n applying them appropriately. somehow, i feel tat the latter is more difficult for mi.

ytday (saturday), i tried VERY hard to make myself commit to studyign. but i failed. i got despondent. i kept escaping from reality (as usual) by doing some other things, n dun wanna focus on exams, yet. den when late evening came, i managed to start a lil. but when it came to a qn which i totally dun grasp, i felt helpless and.. hopeless. i was defeated by .. soem fears. i eventually escaped again by laying on my bed, and dozed off. i woke at 330am. replied 3 sms and went to sleep again.

in morning, i decided i shdl conquer my fears n really go onstudying. i den ironed my office attire for tues, wed n thur. i got interview on tues. while ironing, i actually reflected on lotsa thots: y am i gettign tis mod to study? it's calc and formulas. but den, by getting us to study some mods, there mus b a reason. my major is biz system n sys development. sys dev is jus IT. but biz sys requires biz mgmt thinking n analysis, requiring us to understand the biz logic n thinking n, based on given figures n facts, select the most suitable proj, without factoring in personal feelings if possible. mgmt sci is abt tat. y shld i b afraid n wanna escape from it? if i really manage to pass it (by chance luck or anythign), i'll b thrilled.

soehow, i have to convince myself tat, it's for the good of my future...

tata

i din have the tiem to write tis down.

*side thot* funny.. how come there r ppl who read my blog, but nvr bother to commment at all? n.. hhe.. i feel appreciated that, there r really ppl who read my blog, n wanna know mi better siazz..

ok serious stuff.

ytday, a scene on ch8 saddened me, brought back sad memo. aileen tan was chasing HYL outta her house, but HYL jus wun budge. aileen tan den bit HYL's arm to force him out. but HYL know he's in the wrong n wiling to b bitten, even if it means losing some flesh. den aileen bit real hard, resulting in HYL almost losing consciousness.

this scene really reminded me of... my sad past. someone has commented 爱由恨中生，因爱生恨. it really hurt mi once more. i wun mind, getting a flesh off my arm as well. i couldn't control myself. tears were flowing down. silently. it's really sad. feeling sad n down, but havign no 1 to listen to my sorrows, is not a gd feeeling.

aileen later made up wif HYL...

haha,, being wif some frns have helped mi develop my thking.. perhaps faster than other ppl.. n grown to b more sensitive n interpret body languages better. i can deduce wat ppl r thinking when they ask certain qns.. now i wonder, why some ppl r unable to guess hehe...

anyway, my days have been pretty exciting n adventurous... revolving around stranger guys...

1) i on way home, taking mrt. haha, the train just left, den i saw 1 decently dressed office guy standing at the yellow triangle box there. from sideway, he looks quite nice. haha, somehow, i den stood just beside him, looking at him every now n then. but he paiseh lah..

2) den after tis guy alighted, suddenly another china guy came over n stood at the side opposite mi. i glanced at him from head to toe.. felt funny. but he look alright lah. jus tat, he din seem to be bothered by our exchanges of looks.. we really exchanged lotsa looks... got a ger sitting beside mi. everytime i look at him. he wil see my eyes for a sec, n look at the ger.. den when i abt to alight, we lok at each other again..

3) next day, i was on my way to my first interview. as i boarded mrt, wah, i felt my elbow was rubbing n pressing onto some fleshes. haha, i was brushing the chest of a guy of my ht siazz!! but later on, i oso dunno if i shld move closer anot.. jus felt surprised to rub the chest, but he's not my type though

4) den after alighting, i went to board my bus. wah crampy. i was at the door, abt to go up, den saw a young dude waiting to board. as always, my principle is "let yandao board first" haha.. den hor, in the bus, it's CROWDED. n i took teh chance to stand behind yandao!! wahahha!!! every now n den, i'll look at him siazzz.. i even brushed his arms n back lol..

5) somehwo, i felt sexually deprived siazz.. u know, ytday, when i left home, i saw a group of guys downstair resting after their basketball. den got 1 topless guy wif his frns. i walked past them, n looked at them individually. for the topless guy, hehehe i openly looked into his chest.. n even saw his nipples.. gosh..

6) the next day, i boarded the mrt to work oso. wah this time crowded n GOSH, i came face to face with a beng (style, attitude, but no looks) right in front of mi in mrt!! as he stood so near, we almost like couple gd frns siazz.. as i thot of how to get near him, i got erections every now n den.. haha.. had wnana use my chest to touch his back, but 2 bad, my shirt pocket got mp3 player.. .argh...

k.. time to piazz exam!! wish mi luck, will u?

my sup has been working here for 4 yrs. by rite, 4 yrs shld b experienced. n he's been dealing wif projects n clients. by my sense, he shld know tat info cannot be assumed, and muz b certified (verbal, or written) by client to b correct. n shld have a "best way" to do things.. but then.. how come, the info he pass mi 1, he everytime say "it's not correct.. info has updated, have to change".. happen a few times oredi.."

when discussing details, he say "these follow the excel file". but when get discrepancies, he think think "this 1 can use tat info". but i.. reminded him.. tat we can chk wif the client first. den... cos we dealing wif db, using diff pc, i even had to sugges to him, tat we mayb find a central db server, so tat no need to port database everytime.. he say "yes, it's a very gd idea"...

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i got 1 interview for system analyst. he tested mi on my tech knowhow n said i'm ok. but when it comes to gathering reqmt, i need to buck up.. n price wise, i'm cheap. so now, mainly depends on wat they think of mi loh.. he did oso say tat i'm not exactly who they finding.. but may still gimme it a shot. n 1 more thing, they said, they wun confirm so fast.. tis sounds to mi "50% chance tat i probably wun b shortlisted" or "they really taking their time to source for ppl".

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i dun wanna make it obvious.. so, hopefully can find a new job during my study wk. if not... i think may really need to take some MCs liao to go interviews... if during probation cannot get any job offer, i guess its fated......

jus bitching here..

1) after claiming to know human behaviour n supposed to b practising gd time mgmt, y do ppl still do things at last min, n blast off when something SEEMS to be wrong? i upload our apps to the system, den sup need to demo to client, so tried to use it. suddenyl cannot use?!?! he den ask "u din update the xml file ah?". i was den.. wondering how come he blurted out that line siazz.. i know he's busy, but cant he manage time better? instead of last min rushing to finalise the preparation of a demo? i know he din really mean any harm, such as trying to put mi down or b judgemental. but jus find it.. a poor mgmt of time.

he even say, he oso dunu like last min. but last min dun oni apply to last min work passed on, but oso to various arrangements, to avoid any fluster in the process.. cos in a rush for time, u lose ur EQ and ur thinking n proper analysis... u tend to think GOOD of ur work, n criticise others'. n this time, he did miss out certain things, tat y din work.

2) a job agent cork up her timing, end up tmr's interview postponed. n when i told her my during prob n after, she commented its low.

3) the fat guy in my office, is giving 1 mth notice liao. somehow, i feel tat tis place got high turnover rate oso. tis place started in 2002. over these yrs, oni 1 guy stayed till now. all others have left.. how i know? 'cos the fat guy work for near 1 yr oni, den the snr work for 4yrs. so?

side issue: hahah.. somehwo i know y tech ppl "need to communicate". my sup sometimes, jus speak out wat's on his mind. din bother to rephrase in a general manner. he tells mi directly the instructions of our clients, without digesting n phrasing in his own way. telling by the way the info is stored in his mind. den when it comes to mi, i digest.. n elaborate... den he say "ya, tat's rite". n as programmers, we use our brains more often. n we have our own way of understanding. n soemtimes, when we jus pass teh info to ppl, we use this understanding of ours to tok wif ppl.. hahah.. expecting them to know wat is oredi in our mind.. lol..

another frn of mine, 50+, in IT line. he oso... tok a lil, n hope the msg gets thru by "tak tak tak" sounds. haha... n he's not local, from swiss. dunno if tis affects. when he speaks first time, n his idea is not passed thru, he get slightly agitated n tries hard to explain properly.. haha..

4) after doing 4 yrs equivalent of proj, is it still normal for a team lead (my sup) to accept outdated data? cos.. the info passed to mi 2 mths back. den now, he chk wif the client again, seem like the info gotten then was outdated. we need to update the database wif an excel tat was sent to us.. umm, is it supposed to happen?? n oso, he din do any data-integrity chk on the excel. since i been doing the db, to hasten things up, he can ask mi chk integrity first... sighzz

this week.. for a whopping 9 days... i've been having a diff lease of life.. i've cut down on tose crusing n focussing on knowing new guys/gays. more of focussing on knowing new frns.

as fate/luck may decide, i got 1 asgt wchib i really dunno how to do. den, i was intro'ed to a study group for this asgt. it's formed/.. or planned by a gal. i almost saw no pt in going. but well.. for the sake of doing well, i still went for it. i felt.. awkward n kinda uncomfy to contact a ger for meeting details siazz.. at the plc, i contacted her, n met her up.

to my surprise, there's a cute guy wif her!!! n the 3 of us hit off pretty well... esp wif the guy!! on our first meet, i n he got some chemistry n i even hi5 wif him siazz.. it felt gd. it's really fun n nice toking to him.. we exchanged msn in no time. den i even took the chance to pat his shoulders/back from time to time.. well, frnliness to some extent lah.

den over the wk, we still met up for discussions.. it's really nce.. everyday i;ll see him.. he's photogenic, n wif his hairstyle, n smile, he's charmingly cute in person.. n wif his chatty nature, it's.. jus so nice we can chat a lot.. n he's outgoing, nh thru him n tat ger, i got to know a couple of frns oso.. staerting to build some outta-circle frns.. it';s nice.. it's based on frnship. not based on "ts guy is cute" or "i wanna get close wif him" thots. frnship seems to be building up.. n i m making a cute frn as a chatty pal...

no wonder.. some ppl say, they have a cute frn.. but too bad, see no touch.. haha.. n he's kinda innocent.. in the sense, he dun think too much into ppl's response.. whcih is quite nice loh.. unlike mi, think a lot n so much.. unless it looks odd, he usually dun thin 2 much

we been meeting almost everyday to discusss asgt. n wow.. i'm glad i can b close to him n guide him along siazz!! cos some qns i did liao, i know ans. den i explain to him.. felt nice to be close to him. in fact, we spent 1 hr sitting togeter... jus mi n him haha..

but dunno wat happened.. maybe some.. bias? he wanna mit up next day to discuss again. n he's joining 2 frns to do it. i asked to go.. he's ok. den i ask him chk wif his frns.. those 2 frns, r from my other class. they know mi.. 1-2 times toking liao. but after tat "ask", no response at all.. it makes mi think .. after they added m on msn, they... dun feel gd abt mi anymore.. esp the ger.. i can see tat she liked mi. but after the msn.. ahha.. she grew DISTANT.

haha.. oh ya, i n the charming guy, we chatted on msn.. he saw mi msn pic, n ask mi change it.. cos he DETEST such muscle guy pix hahah.. i teased him abt it, but he buay song. den he send mi 1 pic to use... haha.. well, to appease him.. i used tat pic/. he thot i into muscle guys.. n ask mi go WWE download. oh well.. den we met again to discuss asgt.. i cant feel any.. distance from him siazz. n ju snow, he still having prob wif his asgt, ask mi for help.. i said "i help u, how u gonna repay mi?" hahaha.. he was giggling siazz..

until now, oni my campmate (my ns understudy) so qiao in my class.. knows i enjoy toking wif him a lot. n it feels gd oso.. when he call to ask mi for help haha.. i dun mind spending time helping him..

den tok abt work. now, i'm using my SCJP cert to secure tis job. but the pay is low. den, by rite. this fri, i'll have an interview for a J2EE job. tis job chimzz siazz.. even need to take a test to maybe certify. umm.. i was thinking.. will my J2ee notes help mi secure the job?

once again, by going for interviews, i can know my mart rate.. den during my confirmation interview, i perhaps can ask for more pay.

oh..if things go well, i'm havign some plans in mind abt my future.. including singing in pubs, taking up language courses, saving money for ... trips, volunteering my services, n going gym to tone my body up...

tis wk of guess3 got lesboz appearing.. of cos as "gers who look like guys". wah... some r really good looking siazz.. 1 is a basketball player, national some mroe. 1 can do 1 arm pushups.. cool.. den got 1 male student judge. not on time to take his act cute pic lah

i realise tat, the 3 mth prob, other than determining if u suit e comp n vice versa (i finally am in such a position to say tis, instead of merely "if u can integrate wif the comp policies"), it's also a period tat employers dun wna u to source for other jobs.. cos, u dun have any LVE to take at all... unless u take MC lah..

for mi, i'm sourcing other jobs, n if no job get mi yet, i.. guess.. i stay on. but if someone start looking for new job, wat's the probability tat he wun jump ship?

======

wondering if there's an aspect of mine which needs serious improvement.. jus now, 1 staff ask a snr staff whether something will be stored permanently in memory while prpgramm running. i was typing away at my pc.. n overheard the subj. n i decided to chup in. they were thinking for secs, n i suggested they can store in session variable.. haha.. the jnr (not jnr to mi, but to the snr) den.. (haha, i think he's EQ unstable type.. the normal person who do things by his emotions) den the jnr diam diam, n try to do his own way still n proclaim "den like tis still can rite?".. i din say further n moved back to my seat.

den snr ask if any1 wanna bfast. i exclaimed "no thx, had mine.. but if u treat, i go". a while later, they went for bfast. i din join. ya i know it's a good time to join them cos i nothing to do. but.. i really dun see the need/pt. over 2 mths, din really find a common topic to tok.. usually, they chat soemthing, i luff it off; i ask soemthing, i chip in; or i say soemthing, den someone try to reply in humourous way.. haha...

basically, there's nothing much to keep mi here.. oni "i been doing tis proj for 2 mths n know soem info". prev'ly, still had 2 reasons. 1 being can see a cute guy on my bus almost everyday, 2 being my office is near the mgmt level guy.. but both r leaving in jun.. wel, these jus side reasons lah.. not impt 1.

================

above post was done days back till now. today is 25/5/06. jus had a chat wif... or rather a discussion wif my sup. i initiated it, to resolve any conflicts n misunderstanding btwn us. after tis, we had a better understanding of each other, or rather, he understood mi better. perhaps i have more free time, so i am better able to reflect on wat happened during 2 mths, while he is more focussed on work.. but the discussion was nice... i dunno if it's gonna b good yet.

we resolved most issues... den he told mi, we r still lagging behind a lot. n he is still grooming mi.. but in fact, i dun need any honeymoon.. i even asked if he got anything for mi to do.. he say he is still arranging... oh well... i jus take now as a relax period..

sianzz.. how come, in places where i.. in my prev job, i had some grouses abt work. now, i work for 1.5 mths lioa. n oso got grouses.. is it normal??

ytday the sup work overnight. when i came in, he told mi to be more careful when checking the database. he jus generally tell mi oni. so i ask for details. den i know y.

when i check on DB, i cnanot find a exact match for an item. i oso removed non keywords. still cannot find. so i told him. he say he'll highlight to the client. den jus now, he said he did a check himself. n found tat a lot of data is inside oredi. not missing at all. n he told mi that, under ALt field, it oso represents the info i looking for. but hwo do i know??? i dinno tat, tat field can help in decoding info too. he knew, din tell mi, how i know?? n i did highlight to him. now he tleling mi to search more carefully next time??

such things cannot be assumed at all wat. he shld know. unless i wrong lah.

=========

den, our side, other than tis sup, will b the tech mgr. tech mgr seem to come back from silicon valley. sometimes, or usually, his attitude n non-chalent'ness puts some colleagues off. but i wonder if this is the type.. i hope my sup can b..

when my sup on leave, he asked the mgr to supervise mi, n chk if i got any prob anot. n he oso keep saying tat, mgr will oni jus "ask" for status, but not ask "wat prob u having". i did joke tat tis is really the case.. as i exp it a few wks back. but now, i feel tat, it's actually better that he ask in such way.. to show concern abt project, but not to interfere in ur way of handling things, trusting tat u can do a gd job. he interviewed mi for tis job. he saw my resume. i duno abt the sup. n ya, mgr does lunch alone lah. n soemtimes, i lunch alone as well.. (dun think 2 much).

==========

i managed to somehow.. know more abt y i keen on leaving.. abt the team work here. the interface thing tat i was talking abt, n the ALT thing.. lack of communication n teamwork.. commuinication as in, telling u ASAP wat new info is gotten. teamwork as in, ... perhaps.. sharing ideas wif u, instead of not letting u know too much.. um.. 2nd reason.. i dunno how it really applies, but feel tat it does apply

a funny.. week. on thursday or somthign, i know tat i aint destined for a reln anymore. so i decided to shower my love on my frns.. existing, old, n new found 1s.

den, on thurs, oh well, not a really gd thing to KO on time.. or earlier than my sup, cos he had intended to combine our work, he was too slow n his time mgmt always fail. so i bochap, after finsih my part, i jus go home. then, at the busstop, got a china loking .. n matured looking.. hunk. he wif frns but turn to look at my direction at times. i din really care lah. even though i so daring in the gym n bus, it's simply not mi to initiate anything in such publioc plc.

we boarded the bus to mrt, den when alight from bus, i gave way to him haha.. den he was rushing for the mrt wif his frns. i jus took my time. surprising, the next train which i boarded, i saw a sec sch frn. nothing great to see tis frn, but at least i took the initiative to greet him.. n the good n nice news is tat, when i reached my mrt stop, i met a pri sch frn!!!

tis frn, abt few mths back, i keep seeing him wif a ger walking around. i know who he is, but nvr.. felt the motivation/push/urge to ack him. den tis time, we saw each other again, n i purposely slowed down.. n exchanged glances. haha, den we started to ack each otehr... he found mi familiar, but i oredi knew he was from my pri sch, so i told him heheh. we chatted.. n i peeped at his gym tone body :P he's wearing white cotton T some more, maing the cloth almost sticking to his chest, n nipps LOL.. *blush*

den, on friday, my usual meal stall.. the beng guy.. suddenly started to b frnly wif mi.. nodded his head as i finished my meal.

but the most iteresting 1.. (how many have i got oredi??).. is today, i went to get my lens.. sidetrack: funny siazz.. a staff at the optician there often look at my direction.. if he's familiar looking (like a fridae guy), den he's too old to be him. den i went for my haircut. i din really see the cute boy there siazz.. i dun wan ask too much,. so only when my haircut session started, den i ask if he's working tat day. den i was pointed to him!!

wahhaha.. i guess it's been a mth since he there liao, so.. more daring.. hair more stylish. but.. TO THINK I CAN'T RECOGNISE HIM!! or rather i dun wan appear too frnly.. dun wan scare him off.. i looked at him once, he lok familiar but i not sure.. n he was doing his hair.. look at him 2nd time, he turn around to see.. 3rd time i see.. he saw mi, n waved at mi... haha.. i waved back!!

den he came over to my plc (in the salon, DUN misread.. he feels very innocent, i dun wan anythign bad to happen to him.. or even to lead him astray) n we chatted. he still rmb mi wokrinjg in IT field! we chatted here n there.. wah liao, i regret not looking for him to do my hair siazz... i'll the next time i go. den when he came near my plc to take somethign, he's realyl cute to smile at mi when he pass by siazz.. den at times, i jus try to see where he is, on the pretext of looking ard :P.

i decided, b4 i laeve i will pat hsi shlder or arm n say goodbye to him. haha, n i actually did go up.. at a distance, i wave goodbye.. den i rmb i wanna tocuh him.. so i went up, n whispered to him "take care" while i patted his shoulder... WOW!!

sigh.. wif such disappointments in LTR, now i really focus on frnship liao.. wat's more, it seems like.. my frns all gonna leave singapore anytime. oz pal may go euro places to explore his white frns, while my gal pal will gonna b in india to work.. den another.. beng type ... frn?.. ok lah, frn n didi.. he oso planned to go aus after his ns.

i guess this is jus how life progresses. each to his own. everyone sooner or later has to plan somethign for his career.

i duno if this is the way thigns work in programming world..

my sup, when i first came in, told mi he dun wan surprises (in the sense, nothing much was told abt the progress, n progress was thot to b smooth. but end up actually got prob here n there, n "no time" to voice out). i totally like it. 'cos communication is very impt in a team. but in the end, he very often tell mi last min need to udpate certain data.. cos he jus realise the new data not in. n i had to do it last min.

n oso abt interface design. he told mi to create interfaces. i created. den on wed, he ask mi to develop another interface which will b used for fri demo. i was thnkng, since it's interface for them to see, y pass to mi oni now?? interfaces is wat the user shld see. it shdl b the minimal tat shld evolve when designing projects. at least, when during the demo, tis is wat the clients wanna see. den last min pass to mi, n wanna mi make it work. kauz!

wat i feel odd is tat, even after working for 1.5 mths, i know his style of working, but he still dunno how i'm thinking. when we discussing, he tends to tell mi wat methods to use n how to do.. but the things is tat, he is nt the 1 doing. how does he know if t works?

n even funny tonight. since mornign, he been tleling mi, how much thinsg he's got left do finish up. n in a few hrs, shld b done. den later, he say, he doing last section of testing. will finish in 2 hrs. 2 hrs later, he still doing, n an interface whcih suppsoe to b done up by him oso not done yet. i really duno wat i doing now.. for the actual 1, or for the fri demo siazz.. n later, when i almost finished my part , i asked him wat else i need to do. he thto i did not, within my capabillities, manage to finish the part. so he volunteered to help mi. cos he oso haven done the interface designing yet. we even argue who shld b resolving it, mi or him. cos he say he'll take 5 mins oni to do it, while i may take 15 mins. so if he do, will have extra 10 mins. but kauzz!!! i've been doing these things, n yet he doubted my abolities???? but since he seem persistent, i let him do it. but sensing my reluctance, he say he'll let mi do, but muz b within 5 mins.

know wat, 5 mins later, he really came to chk. DUH! b4 this, i oredi thot of wat to say if he really inspect. "wah u really come n chk ah?". but he din make it obvious. he more to checkignt he progress.. n he has not even finished his work yet. he even had the cheek to volunteer helping mi siazz.. den i finsihed my part b4 8pm. he say he gonna stay til 10pm, looks suprised tat i going home early. but the things is tat, he cant even track his own tiem siazZ!! he kept emphasizing on how exp he is, but the timing he so bad?? he keep thinking he can finish on tiem in 2 days, den GUI can b done in 1 day. but.. things din turn out. yet, he dared to tell mi abt time mgmt...

n hor, thie evening, i learnt wat does "a technical person cant communicate well" actually mean. these programmrs or designers, they have their ideas n wat-2-do in their minds. so when they speak, they know wat they are toking abt. n ake somehwo the shortcut. cos they thot the listener oso havw the same idea n topic. n sometimes, they jus speak watever they wanted to know. without guding teh listener to properly perceive their tinking. jus like tis sup, saying "u can do tis, store it, manipulate it, n den display it" but tat wat is in his mind. he have thot of tat plan. but th thing is tat, he say wat's in his mind, but i cant catch it LOL..

oso got 1 time, he jus say "u know u have to remove rite?" i was confused.. remove?? wat?? stored items, or for a remove purpose? i ask "u mean when click on reset?" he say "NO NO... ok i show u" he draw out the sequence diagram, taking up 5 mins. but, the things he wanna tell mi, i oredi implemented.

sighzz.. lack of chemistry..

haha.. 1 more thing. when he show mi some code, he'll rush to describe to mi wat he's doing. but being a programmer, by telling mi, it's his idea. but when i read the code, i can better understand wat he's doing... cos his words sometimes confusing.. but when he's reading my code, i wnana explain, but he stopped mi hahha,,

i came out to him, n he said he putting reln aside. he's going to germany for overseas assignment... oh well.. amei's "i want happiness" don't suit the mood now, but it says the heartfelt words of everyone..

about work

somehow, i really feel the need to source for new job... i really starting to feel tat, my current pay is veli low.. for a cert holder, even. cos after developing programs, writing code for 1.5 mths, i'm certain tat my cert means i'm of a certain calibre in order to obtain the cert. cos, within this time, i oredi managed to develop a full scale program.

having earned some exp in coding working programs, i guess i can say i'm more geared up for better prospects. not to say, i wil ltender, but i'll search around for openings. if the offer is gd, i'll jump. anyway, now i still prob, so oni 2 wks notice. at my plc now, other than doing wat i learned from my cert, i oso did things whcih i learnt during my java lessons.. more than wat i am supposed to do..

my oni worry is, how is the next prospect? and.. i oso hope tat i can b confirmed for a programming job.. dun let my mum worry.

===========

damn, my supervisor last min pass some work to mi, saying it need to b done by today. but tis work, he can jolly well give mi days ago.. no need so late. i know it's still my duty to ensure something can come out.. jus felt.. it's so the damn last min. somehow i feel tat, the sup is getting personal wif mi... not gettin back, but more to not having chemistry wif mi, although we have worked together n discussing for 1.5 mths. n sometimes, when his idea dun match mine, he is persistent in finding out why. but sometimes it aint impt... he knows his stuff n why things shld b done in his way. but all r in his thots, n when i cant catch it, he'll speak louder n harsher. kauzz.. oh well... it's worklife.

n a worse thig is tat, he ask mi develop an interface.. i took pains n time to develop. den suddenly this last min work, is to put an interface he thot of (functions similar to mine) to work, and making it work. i dunno wat gonna happen to mine. n i thot mine will be presented to the client tis fri. end up, his will.

he asked mi to make an interface, tat y i did. n i oso ask if mine will be used... he said it'll.. but not for tis friday

n jus now, i overheard his discussion wif the boss. when asked abt mi, he gave a "sigh.. " bla bla.. but i dunno which side of us went wrong. i feel tat i din get a clear enuff picture, n the way he describe things is not the way in which i understand things. got a few times, when i understand wat he saying, n when he asked mi to explain, i told him abt my understanding, but yet he dun get it, n thot i dun understand him.

i'm still contemplating of whether i shdl stay on anot.. muz think of whether it's a personal reason,or mroe for prof reason.. i dun wan to leave due to my sensitivity.. sigh, how come my career prospects always o uncertain 1?

==============

tell mi wat to do!! i msg the mgmt guy morning. den ask him how is his life n stuff. cos he gona b overseas working, i ask if he will b going into distance LTR. he reply "it's nto tat smooth going". i ask wat happen... den no reply.. so in evening, i took the courage to msg him "jus to tell u tat, no matter wat happen, u got a listening ear here, to let u pour out ur sadness and sorrow, take care "

he replied "thansk kevin, i regret of wat i've done.. i'm alright. u have a good evening. good luck in u studies"

upon tis msg.. emotions overwhelmed mi once again... thtos flooded my mind. i wanan reply to him, but i wanna keep tab on my intentionsn wordings. phrasings, n dun scared him off wif over the hill expressions.. yes i may b thinking to much. i took 2 hrs to compose the msg. i wanna say "i'm still here, waiting for u", "hope we can have a chance", "u still have mi here". but i wanna sound encouraging, n not too obvious (too direct) in my lines... n although it's easy to gain entry when someone's depressed, i dun wan take tis route.. i finally sent "hope u r really alrite, as such things need time to heal. rmb, i'm still here for u...in all ways. hugz

==============

haha. how does it fele to know tat... someone';s waiting for u? or did my sms pass tat msg??

pt 1

i managed to figure out 1 pt of my unbalance work emotions/attitude.

1) if i have no idea how to proceed for my work, or dunno where the proj/my work is heading, somehow, i will harbour the idea of leaving the job.. still pretty much unsettled huh?

wonderous experience in gym

wow.. been real busy these days.. but today, i felt it has an influence in my thinkni lifestyle n direction.. i have to jot it down..

a few days b4 the completion of ym proj, i decided to go gym on sunday to chill out. i got a 1-day trial anyway. n sunday, is my hand-in asgt day. so, sunday, my family went for bfast lah. the place where we had bfast, got a hunk working there to help his mum tend her shop. this hunk was a colleague of mine. den he buy kopi, i waved to him, he stunned, n turned back. hehe, later we went to his shop, n he say he din see mi wave at him ahah. but hro. his muscles REALLY REALLY big siazz!!! arms chest all got trained 1 siazz!! Mr S'pore junior? he FIT the bill!!

den later, i went to gym. my first time alone to a gym siazz.. tried outt eh things there, n looked at some passers-by. some seem aj-alike. got 2 who caught my attention. 1, he went past mi n smiled into his direction. i dun thin there's any1 he's aiming at... 2, nvm.. not impt.

after 2 hrs, i decided to go steam rm. i bath liao, n went for it. got a guy inside. he looks quite nice. n when he was sittign there, he loosened his towel but still covering properly. den i ask him wat's the temperature set, he moved to my side n told mi. n he sat there.n hor, this time, his towel is not covering his ass at all!! he';s showing his ass to mi!! n the towel is covering his thgh n below. i kept looking at his direction n looking at his ass oso. he den leaned back, n i oso look at the shape of his body.. quite toned... den he left the room...

so, i loosed my towel oso n sat in a paikia manner. those.. put 1 foot ont he seat. den he came in again. this time, he realy.. jus sitting on other side where we can still see each other.. n the towel this time, he is jus sitting there, wif towel loosely covering him n he strewtching himself! i kept looking, or rather we exchanged looks. den, he even lowered the towel to reveal his pubic hari siazz!!.. i den adjusted my towel oso.. until ,i got erection siazz!! but i was paiseh n din reveal it lol.. he look at my direction, n i stared at his pubic hair.. so seductive!

i was so stunned tat id unno wat to do.. i thot of using verbal communication to praise him.. but duno how to!! sigh, i decided to elave the rm... i stood up, took off my towel to rewrap, n compliemented him saying "you are sexy :)" he said "thx you" smilingly.. n i left the room.. i really dunno wat else i can do.. but before i step out of the the area n returning my things, i was thinking of wehther i shld go back n find him, or let it pass. i know i had to go office to finishs ome work. i duno if by going back, will i delay anthing anot.. but he's delicious! n it's now or never!

i den went back.. n went to the rm. sian, he's not there anymore. i was disappointed, n headed out directly.. n i sms'ed some frns abt tis... sigh.. all of them ask y i din take any actions.. do i look lik someone who def'ly take action? i will, when i feelt he need to, n know wat to do.. but this time, i really stunned. uninitiated for such ahppenings. i was actaulyl oso waiting for him to do something.. from wat i see, maybe i was sitting in paikia pose, he felt i'm a top n active.. so i shdl take action. i was oso thinking, how to make the verbal contact. but nahzzz, screw it. in future, i'll know wat to do.

such thigns, impromptu 1, where got verbal? everythign is abt understanding, mutual interaction. n reading of body lang. i decided, if i see such thigns, i'll probably sit over. if thigns go smooth, i'll reach for his hands, n start touching fondling n touching. duno wat will result.. dun wan to go for ons but dunno if such things usually end up as 1.

the funny thing is tat, i kept thinking of how i can improve my handling of such situations. n oso, i actualyl dunno a proper way fo getting to my office from there.. wah... SIAN.. but lucky, i took a bus n saw a way to reach office. n i'm prepared to finish work at 10pm. but strange, i managed to resolve the issue in 1 hr... den.. i tookt he time to.. try and find tat guy.. posted ad in sgboy, n updated my fridae profile... dunno wat will come out, but at least i try...

however, toking abt these.. i start to worry abt my directions in my gay lifestyle... ppl (who read my destiny b4) told mi abt my love life. it seems to be true.. tat y i'm waiting for the mgmt guy... but the mgmt guy,.. he's going overseas to work. if he does, lil chance for us to b together.. n.. i duno if he's stil lattached. the reason i bring this up, is that since this gym-ons experience, i find tat, other than exercising, it's a nice way to look out for ppl wif gym tone bodies.. my idea of those gay spas/saunas is really bad.. ppl really wif the main idea of F'ing each other, honry dudes, n really looking for ward to soemthing defl'y happening. esp in the dark rm, where releasing is top priority. tis gym, (today got lil ppl) is more serene, small size. thesteam room is oni for max 6 ppl. quite cosy. but if my intention, after this trip, is to seek out bodies from gym sessions, wun i b falling into the gay-gymers always seek sex category?

i dun like those gay themed place, cos every1 thinking of entering each other. but this plc, is probably wif a str8'er theme. n it's in working office area. probably catered for workign class ppl who wanna relax n chill out. i duno.. i dun wan fall into the gym-sex group, but tis exp has.. changed my thinking.. cos, it's where we can see each other, look at the bodies, n they probably of a certain lvl of thinking n maturity. n the lighting is clear enuff.

i had been to another steam room in the city area. those ppl... umm.. probably intend to visit city, so they visit the gym oso. overall, the gym has given mi some changes in thinking
1) gymt o keep fit n relax. - whih i love.
2) gym in such place, has a relax theme, instead of every1 rushign for a die-for-u gym figure. n it's not crowded. haha. again, well, it's sunday... ppl probably b heading for city to chill out, n not to office area..
3) in the steam rom, like today.. u know...

i dun wan go those.. rush hour gym... will b too packed. n esp those.. gay themed gyms..

oops... i'm losing my point.. wat i wanna say is, i'm waitignf or the mgmt guy. but wif the way things go, he's attached (?) n going overseas.. will there b a chance for us? if not, n wif my mindset tuning towards gym n relaxing (in all senses), i may really.. not consider LTR as a possible route for mi.. but take frnship as my priority.. n to heal my needs, may go such gyms to work out, n relax my self.. cos i find tat everytime after i workout (be it jus swim, or gym), i feel honry. cos i'm re-vitalised?

=====

a side issue. the bus whcih i took to work to day, i thot it ends at the mrt b4 my house. but kauzzz... it;s not... i even gong gong sit till it's reached its terminal stn den i can get home.. gosh.. for this wk of work, i oso expect ymself to... put in extra effort to make things work..

gdnite

happy, confused, bewildered,
kevin

i think i really have a high expectation of myself at work.. for the whole day, nothing productive was done. in the morning, my office PC OS hang big time, n i spent 2 hrs fixing it ,wasting mucho time. n den, for thw whole day, i was trying to figure out a way to retrieve data fromt he webpg.

u know.. when jsp printed a html page, i used a loop to print out all the relevant data. BUT THe prob came , when i needed to find out which item the person selected, so tat i can continue with the proper action, i jus cant find a way to do it!! i feel down n devastated. i been thinking the whole day siazz!!! i either did it wrongly, or some things can help to rectify the situation.. haizz.. i even wonder if i can stay on the job... i think tmr i will ask my colelagues for help really.. sianzz.. damn!!! i was even thinking of finishing the segment by toady!!! DARN IT!

hell came over mi.

for the past 3 days, i've been ... wanting myself to stay up n carry on my monash asgt. but.. i everytime jus sleep in the midway. like.. jus lie on the bed, n i dozed off in secs. yes i know it means i'm tired.. but i really need to keep myself awake! fwe days liao.. sianz.. almost felt useless.. n hopeless..

den at work.. sometimes, i'll feel "there's really no pt working there anymore.. i shld seek other java jobs". sometimes, i'll feel "i muz stay behind.. cos it's really my dream job". sighzz.. anyway, i realyl feel so disappointed wif myself. a few simples bugs, i took hours to find out n resolve. damn it. i failed my own expectations..

=============

did the going get tuff? on last night, i set my hp to buzz at 4am. when i woke at 651, i was stunned. and found that the buzz was not on. 2 reasons: i did not set it on, or i din wake up to its buzz. but i'm still determined to complete my asgt ASAP. now i understand the stress of studying n working at the same time. in my prev helpdesk jobs, we mainly.. stress during some major issues like "downtime" but that's just temporarily, cos we oni care abt when it'll b up, n demand for a report. but now, as a SOFTWARE ENGINEER, i am in charge of a product/project, n i WANNA see it thru. putting in extra effort is not an issue for mi.. provided i finish my asgt..

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blogging still? yes.. while i preparing my asgt.. ok, as i get more involved in a proper worklife (doing my dream java programming job), i begin to realise why.. in tis century, less couple r getting married, n the need for matching agencies.. every1 is so caught up wif the working life, and earning more money.. n wif earning of more money, the spending power increases. ppl have higher expectations of their life partners, be it guys or gals. wif higher expectations, it's getting more diffi to be aattached...

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taking a rest from my asgt... n watched a korean show on tv. the scene is about the guy who woke up to find himself in a hotel room, sleeping naked on the bed. a ger is standing by the window. ok, i'm not sure how this could have happened in real life, but why is it tat, every person will assume the guy did something to teh ger?? it's a common assumption! Other than the guy being honry, won't the ger feel shamed too? if the ger is unwilling, wun she resist? or, if the ger is forced onto the bed, wun the ger wake up crying or feeling helpless? if the ger is feeling "well, dun bother abt mi, i know we are not fated, but i enjoyed tat nite", does this not mean somethign fishy? why are the guys always the agressor and the ger always the victim?

i've nvr been drunk b4, and wun bed a ger. does pure intimacy on teh bed stain the ger (in the mindset of the current century)? or some evidence of action will then prove the staining? if the guy is really drunk, can he still feel the sexual contact?

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last para, b4 i post tis blog.
for this assignment, it seems like those mathematical questions will tend to stress mi out and burn my brain cells, while those questions which ask for elaborations and researching will be much easier.. cos' it's basically ur understanding of the topic, and some research, and not based on how well the lecturer has taught, and how much u've grasped from wat was taught.. u dun need to scratch ur head to determine how is the formula actually derived, used, and wat values to apply...

seriously.. i think the fat guy beside mi.. is really bias towards mi.

during lunch, i toking to them abt Despo hsewife, den he got irritated wif mi saying something whcih he din watch.. n kept turning his head away, and adjusting his posture.

den when my sup n i were fixing a program, he jus sat there, giggling at our -ve comments. when sup say "eh, how come it din come out??" fatty was jus poking fun at it. as though luffing at "hah! see, his programm cannot work!"

den, another time, i gonna take leave for my exam, i still on probation, fatty say "oei, unfair leh like dat!!" he may b jus kidding n teasing.. but it's.. jus.. unkind.

but somehow, i like it, when ytday, the whole team was finding out how come the XML is not working, they work on it for 15 mins, while i kept offering help to resolve it.. den when he finally let mi handle it, i resolved in 2 mins hahah..

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i applied for teh exam leave today.. den kena reprimanded. i agree i at fault, but the team lead oso cant escape. the team lead say, during interview, i din highlight to him, i am studying partime. but the fact is tat, he din ask oso wat. if he asked, i'll def'ly say. since he din ask, does it not mean, it's not impt, as long as we can manage the time properly?

den he told mi crudely, tat they dun ave exam leave, so i'll b taking unpaid leave, since it's not confirmed if i'll b staying there.

den.. cos the proj has been delayed for 5 days by the client, n 5 days by my exam prep period, team lead remind us to keep to our schedule, and tat, if the proj fails, the company need to pay damages, but i wun b liable. but.. (i din say these to him yet.. probably will tell tmr) i'll tell him, i take tis proj sriously.. cos it';s gonna b my product. it's not jus a job, but it'll b the fruit of my labour..

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well, a frn called mi jus now, saying tat he saw my fridae intro.. n made a promise, tat in 5yrs, if we both still single, he gonna make me his love. i;m touched by his words. but.. i'm kinda still waiting for teh mgmt guy.. i dunno how is he doing now. n probably wun call him.. but carry on sending greetz. if things fall apart, so be it. tat's all ;) nothing else need to b said..

i'm still unable to face my studies pressure. i'm tryign to my best to avoid it. clearing my mails on saturday, when i'm jus 2 wks from the asgt deadline, meeting a NSF at my plc on sunday noon, and going for a party at night. the good side is, i'm trying to refresh n enjoy myself to the fuller (i dun thik it's fullest yet), b4 i embark on a stressing proj.. somehow i surmise tat, i din score well in my prev asgt, so i have pressure doing it (well) again, esp when i dun even know how/wat i shld .. write my ans.

for the party, i'm glad.. i'm matured n sensible enuff.. cos the theme was not my style, but outta courtesy, i managed to stay thru'out the event. no grumbles from mi, but jus no interest to be part of the game. when the whole thing ended, went off for dinner.. n to mi, tis is where the fun began.

my frn is a caucasian. n he invited an asian to the party. i joined it. den.. b4 i joined the party, i knew the asian liked the cau. den when we went for dinner ,i cld feel tat the asian tried his best t be near n attentive to the cau. while,.. the cau.. was paying attention to me n my needs... when we ordered drinks, the cau wanted some warm n non sugared drinks n asked for green tea. but they dun have. den i ask if they have any tea drinks. den they suggest chn tea. the asian den... GRABBED THE CHANCE n ask wat kinda tea they using.. iron buddha? oh.. quite bitter, but the cau can take. so he ordered it. but wah liao.. he's so obvious siazz!!

tea, generally, is bitter.. isn't that so?? why bother asking for wat kinda tea they have?? since they aren't a traditional chn place, they wun have a variety of tea for selection. n yet he ask wat tea they use... duhzz... but the disheartening part.. is that, when footing the bills, he actualyl accepted the cau's $$.. if he took my $$ oni, it's ok. but he like the cau ,but dun even wanna take it as a treat for him. kauzz.. so narrow minded.

argh!! my asgt due on 14 may, now is half day past 1st may.. n i still blogging n wasting time.. sianzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz